Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My husband treats my kids differently - Mamas Uncut
Your children should always come first either he steps up for all of them or steps out
You said heâs not good to you, doesnât help, basically ignores your two kids and his other kids but you donât want to split bc you have a child together? It is not fair to the other kids to put their feelings on the back burning to make things ok for another. I personally could not be with someone who favored a child over the others among other things. If this has been going on for years it wonât change and it will only make your kids resent you. You oldest might be 18 but that doesnât make him less part of your family. I would definitely be evaluating the relationship bc its not right or fair.
Either he treats everyone the same (spends time with each kid) or that would be it for me. Itâs f*cked up and does mess with all the kids mentally.
Your children always come first no matter what. Your 6 year old is gonna grow up thinking itâs okay for a man to favor one child over all the rest. Either he steps up and changes or you need to get out because your kids all deserve better.
So you donât want your youngest to be in a broken home and feel unloved but you want your oldest to in broken homes feeling unloved?
Kids come first and this guy is not doing a single solitary thing to benefit you or your childrenâs lives. He can be a deadbeat and praise 1 kid elsewhere
Treating the kids unequivocally is definitely going to cause issues and it will put your 6 yro in the middle, as the 6yro is his child, sees your older 2 hating it there, with him constantly doting on the baseball kid âŚNot good. He doesnât help out, doesnât treat you well âŚIt is time to go. You will end up hurting ALL of your kids because of how he wants to be playing favorites. Eventually your older kids will be old enough and choose NOT to come back around you because he is there and the 6 yro will lose out on time with those siblings while watching the favoritism of the other. You have to choose to do better for all (you and kids involved). âHeâll change for a week then go backâ because he knows it will stop you complaining about it BUT doesnât really want to stop it. If he wants to stop it he would have and never started back up again.
Your home is already broken. Just pick a broken home youâd rather him grow up in. A happy broken home, or a walk on eggshells broken home.
Pack up and go now while u can. Donât think of a âbroken familyâ for your 6yr old yâall share. Get your own place u and YOUR children and live a HAPPILY family home 
Your home is already broken just move out with your kids and I mean all 3 of your kids and leave Iâm sorry unless you adopted his kids as well you really canât take those 2. But you can your 3 kids
He need a wake up call.
You stated your children have voiced their concerns regarding your husband not really showing any interest in them for years, thatâs a huge red flag. Your children should always come first, period. He either treats everyone the same or he can kick rocks. Why have you allowed him over the years to treat your children different? You also stated he doesnât treat you good as well so to me itâs bizarre that youâre even still with him. If my child didnât feel comfortable or feel any emotion or connection with my partner and my partner didnât show interest in my child he would of been gone from the start. You need to reevaluate your relationship with your husband because it seems from my point of view your putting him before your own childrenâs emotional needs.
When you find a man that treats you right and all the kids the same, its not a broken home. Family is who you choose to make it with, not family because of blood.
Yâall need some serious counseling & fast!
Dump him! All kids should be treated the same! There are plenty of guys that would step up to the plate and love them as their own!
You said a whole lot, but at one point you stated that he doesnât treat you well. Your kids see how you are treated, and your kids see how you react to it. Would you want your child to be in the kind of relationship that you are in? You said heâs a good dad, but heâs not if heâs not good to every child. He needs to make an effort to find a connection with each kid, not just the one that is into the same things that he likes. He needs to treat you how you want to be treated. If he canât do those things, you need to get out of that relationship. Donât let your feelings towards this man potentially mess up your relationship with your kids, because they may blame you if you stay.
I just donât think Iâd want to be in that kind of home either. Whereâs the love?
Youâre not responsible for his actions and youâre not responsible for how he treats the kids. Love your kids the way you want and make time for them. Donât force them to be around him when they donât want to.
To me it feels like you already know what you should do.
Itâs hard when you have children from one relationship and are with another.
My eldest n ex husband didnât have the best start but they worked on it and now have the best relationship. His her dad and sheâs his princess. I did tell them in the start when it got bad work it out between u I canât be stuck in the middle because I will chose my child no matter what.
Unfortunately, youâve allowed this to happen by marrying a man with such a personality. Now you have 4 choicesâŚâŚ do nothing different because you canât make everyone happy anyway, make it a point to ignore the extra attention given to one child and purposefully give extra attention to the other children to try to create balance, divorce him so that your other children do not have to deal with his bs anymore, or let your children stay at their dads all the time and just have short visits and outings with them that donât involve him.
PersonallyâŚ. If I could leave I would. Favoritism is bad enough but heâs a jerk on top of that so he makes everyone around him miserable.
Iâm sure the favorite child notices and has unhealthy thoughts and feelings about this too.
Thereâs nothing good about this environment . Itâs toxic for everyone in your home.
Abuse comes in many forms not just physical. It can be emotional also. Coming from a âbroken homeâ is not always a bad thing. Removing constant toxic behavior from the day to day of your kids is better than having them endure emotional stress so you can pretend everything is fine from the outside. They can become resentful as they get older and your kids may not want to come to your home anymore, which means you lose out. Sounds like you have a tough decision to make. My only advice is always put the mental, emotional and physical well being of your children first.
It does not matter how long youâve been with him/married, your children should come first!
I understand him being closer to his own child for the simple fact that itâs his child, but if he makes little to no effort with his step-children, maybe he shouldnât be their step-dad. When you blend a family, itâs still a family and everyone needs the same set of rules, consequences and attention.
The fact that you also stated that he doesnât treat you well, can impact your childrens feelings and attitude towards him. My ex husband treated my children differently from his own and treated me and my kids like shit. Of course my kids didnât like him, and no matter how much I tried to encourage and even force the relationship between them, it never worked. Your kids see how he is towards you and them versus how he is to his own kids. There is never going to be a healthy relationship there, for anyone.
Your kids come first no matter what so if that means breaking up another home to see them happy then thatâs what it is.
Just realize that one day when you are older an need your kids help they are going remember who you chose and that will dictate the help you receive may not be financially.
Abuse by intimidation is still abuse. Emotional abuse is still abuse. Pick your kids.
I always told my husband âDonât ever make me choose between you and my children, because you will lose every timeâ. No child should feel like they are not loved.
This shouldnât have to be said but âŚyour kids come first no matter what.
So youâve stayed with a man when your children have voiced our opinions and youâve basically disregarded their opinions by staying with him. If you continue staying with him Iâm going to be honest your children will end up resenting you cause of it. Of course they want to stay at their dads because at your house theyâre not comfortable n I guarantee it theyâve seen this man disrespect you also since youâve said he doesnât even treat you the best. Youâre allowing yourself and your children to stay in an toxic environment because you rather stay in a relationship with a man because you donât want the six year old to go thru a broken home? Youâre kidding right? Your six year old is learning from you that itâs okay for a man to be a jack*ss and disrespectful towards women and thatâs what she will end up finding later in life because itâs what she thinks is normal. Your six year old will probably thrive mentally emotionally being in a home where itâs just you and her siblings then in a home with two parents where one parent is a toxic towards everyone. You need to chose your kids instead of this man before itâs too late because like I said above your children will resent you later on for staying with this man instead of choosing them
Time to get family therapy
Grew up like thisâŚmom left dad moved on âŚgot a new gf she had 2 kids âŚI was treated like crap and bitched at daily âŚtold I couldnât do this or that âŚwhile my step sis and brother could do whatever âŚI ended up calling my mom and told her how I felt and she said come stay with me âŚI did âŚand now that Iâm older I couldnât ever picture putting my kids trought that âŚ
Iâm glad I left and was there for my mom while she battled cancer âŚshe passed in June and still havnt went back to visit my family because it hurts to muchâŚ
You have to be happy you deserve that my kids are older now but they wont be happy if your not better to get out now my kids now have a very loving step dad give you kids a chance to be a part of a happy family dm me if you want ive been there
I had 2 step fathers and they loved me enough to adopt me. So itâs hard for me to understand how he can abuse your children. Why are you letting him be mean to them?
I personally feel and experienced that it is better to have a child grow up in two separate happy homes than to stay together and be in one unhappy home.
In my opinion, your 6 year old is already living in a âbrokenâ home. The home isnt healthy, no one is happy. The 6 year old is struggling too. Its better to have split parents who are happy versus a toxic home environment where everyone walks on eggshells and is constantly on edge⌠choose wisely.
I would think that my kids would always come before ANY MAN!! there is plenty fish in the sea, obviously this man is not the right one if he canât be a better person/dad to all the kids! I would of left in a heart beat if my kids was being hurt because of someone smfh!!
I have a big blended family as well⌠and my husband has never my my other 2 kids from my ex feel any less! And we have a 2 year old together and he has 2 from a previous. My 2 even call him dad. He goes to every appointment every sporting event does things alone with them and all as a loving step parent should. You should leave if your kids arenât feeling love and intimidated! Always choose your kids esp if heâs treating you that same away also!
Sounds like a peach. Only takes the time for 1 of the 5 kids involved. Doesnât treat you nicely and doesnât help around the house. Why should that many people be tiptoeing around just so he can hang out with his ONE child? Iâd be done.
Sometimes itâs better to do it alone than be in a relationship alone. Your kids would be better off than be in a home with no love.
So basically you know what heâs doing is wrong and you are still there? Honey, that man prob doesnât care about your other two, and thatâd be enough for me to leave. Who cares if you guys have a daughter together Iâm sure sheâd rather see you and her siblings happy rather then being in a toxic home. Broken homes arenât always a bad thing.
âMy husband doesnât treat me the best and honestly doesnât do a lot around the house to help me out. He is always in a bad mood at home and devotes so much time to baseball. He is not abusive or anything but very stern and intimidating. I have stressed over the past couple years of my concerns and beg him to put forth the effort to have a good relationship with all the kids, but he truly doesnât do it. He says he will and it may get better for a week but then he goes back to his ways.â
You are in an emotionally abusive relationship. You shouldnât be with anyone that your kids canât get along with. He sounds like a toxic asshole. You donât sound like you live in a happy home. Look at the words YOU used to describe him. Intimidating, stern, strict, doesnât do anything around the house, doesnât treat the kids well, doesnât treat you well, didnât keep his promises, puts in effort then reverts right back. Youâre in an abusive relationship.
Itâs time to be very clear. Either you all go to therapy as a family and fix this or you are leaving the marriage. You have a responsibility to your kids and yourself to make sure they live in a loving environment and it isnât.
Ok, he treats you & your kids like sh!t & your kids hate him & theyâre not wanting to be there cuz your hubs is a self centered a$$⌠so hereâs the bog question, why are you still there wasting your energy & time trying to push for something good to happen & its not going to?
Can u read this back to you. Tell yourself does this sound like a man a woman deserves remove all the I and put they/she a different pronoun. Think to yourself what advice you would give them? That will be your solution.
Those kids are going up to recent him, either get into family therapy, or dump his ass, cause if you continue down this route, then your kids will cut contact with you.
This shouldnât have to be said, but your kids are your number one priority, quit letting this man walk all over you guys!
Itâs better to come from a broken home than an abusive home. Get your kids and yourself out heâs an ass.
Your home is already broken sis
Self centered and good dad. Canât really go together
It shouldnât even be a question of decisions between your children. Your 6 year old will adjust. Your other children will always know you played favorites too by putting them aside for your 6 year olds happiness. Your children are always first and foremost and clearly your husband isnât living up to those vows you took. Iâd be leaving that situation asap. He will never change and you enable his behavior by staying in it.
If he doesnât treat ALL kids the same, he not only is NOT a good Dad, he is a 
Dad. Dump him!!!
Everything about this is not ok
How does he treat the six year old and is that a good environment for him ? Thatâs the question you should be asking sounds like no !!? I would just be dead honest with him and say hey nothing changes ! Either you try harder and mean it or we are done 
good luck
This whole thing so contradictory. In one sentence he hasnât always been this way, and in the next you say your kids have been complaining for several years. You say in one sentence he is a great dad who stepped up to the plate for his own children from his previous marriage and then say he wonât make any effort with your kids. You say you donât want your youngest ina broken home like your other kids, but the âbrokenâ home your kids come from isnât the issue, you didnât mention any issues your kids have with you separate from your husband, and you said your kids love being at their dadâs. Its just your husband. Either choose your kids, or choose your husband but make a choice stop making them be around him, thatâs cruel. They can either live with their dad full time, and only see you separate from your husband, or you can keep your kids and get rid of your husband. It doesnât feel like itâs a difficult choice so why are you making it difficult?
You brought that man into your childrens lives. Think of the stress and sadness that relationship is dealing them. It will also affect their relationship with their 6yr old sister. Where is the question
Family therapy. Thatâs the only solution here. He needs to be educated by an unbiased outside source as to why his behaviors are harmful and how to work on them. If heâs unwilling to change this will continue to be your life.
Couples or family therapy. If it doesnât work, only you can make that decision.
Please leave. I know that kids donât get to make huge life decisions like this, really, but it sounds like YOU also might not be happy either. I think in this situation, if my kids were coming to me crying that they would rather go to their dadâs and not spend time with me because of my husband and the way it treats not just them but everyone in the house, I would leave. Please donât feel like you have to put up with him treating you badly either. You donât. It is 100% okay to do whatâs best for yourself and your children. If he sees nothing wrong with the way heâs acting, thereâs not really much you can do to change it, but you do control how you do things. Donât let your kids continue to suffer over the actions of an adult who knows better.
Your kids come before him. If he isnât treating them right and isnât treating you right donât stay with him.
When women make excuses and choose bad men over their children they set the bar low and teach their children to except/tolerate the same BS in their own lives. Thatâs far worse than leaving a shitty person.
You married for you with no thought to how this man is with children in general. He doesnât treat you well yet youâre making your children suffer in their own homes because you love him. I canât stand mothers like this. Men donât come first.
Your kid together is already in a broken home, mommaâŚ
Man this hit home. Only difference is out kids are grown. I have 2 26&23 and he has 2 18&22. His do no wrong. But mine are always screwing up in his eyes. Not that mine are perfect but his can do something and itâs ok and mine do the same and I hear about it for weeks about how they messed up. My youngest is going through some stuff right now and I hear about it daily and they do not get along at all so he doesnât come over here anymore. Plus my husband says heâs not welcome. And my husband is the type to go out side and fight it out instead of handing thanks correctly. Heâs great with my grandkids. But I have got to the point where I have almost left him. My kids come first. Sorry for the long vent.
All to say that your kids should come first. Itâs not good for them in all aspects unfortunately I realize that now after putting my kids through some bad relationships in the past.
It sounds like your home is already broken.
Leave, if 2 of your children donât like him, thereâs a reason!
Counseling would be a start
Thatâs why you shouldnât live with another man before knowing if they are good for your kids, people rush too much into these very important things, theyâve voiced it out to you, yet youâre still with him
You know the answer here. Leave and give you and your kids a better life because theyâve voiced to you how they feel and youâre putting him and his kids first still anyway. Your poor kidsâŚdo the right thing
How/why did you marry someone your kids donât like. Specially when they are still young and obviously going to be around. You didnât think about them when you decided to marry that man.
Cinderella syndrome is real, and is in many cases biologically impossible to avoid (not all but many)
Being step parent survivor I personally would never marry a man who I had to remind to be âniceâ to my kids.
So you would rather your 6 year old see you in a bad marriage and never see her brother and sister (your kids) because of your husband?? Sounds like you are trying to come up with excuses not to leave when it would be better for you and your children⌠I know a lot of people would say you need to do counseling and this and that to save it but if you all feel this way after 8 years, that is long enough to know itâs not going to change. 
Covert narcissist
Please look it upâŚ
â he is not abusive or anything but very stern and intimidatingâ. 
my husband doesnât treat me the best, heâs always in a bad moodâ
Truthfully, I was done when it was said that heâs the baseball coach. Baseball parents are different breed of competitive, and they can take that stuff into the houseâŚsmh⌠honestly it sounds like your kids werenât into baseball, so thatâs where your husband drew the line. Probably even wants your 6 year old to do baseball too⌠Iâd bet money Iâm right.
He needs to learn to live a life less obsessed with competition⌠if he canât do that, then babe, youâre gonna be in for one hell of a ride until your youngest is grown.
I would never marry someone who didnât love my kid(s). But thatâs just me. A two parent household is not always best if one parent is an ass.
Family therapy for all. Blending families is tricky, and yours is huge.
Sounds miserable. Should leave.
Newsflash he isnât abusive to you, umm, yes he is, itâs emotional and mental abuse, just because he donât lay a hand on you doesnât mean he isnât abusing you. Your kids have voiced their opinions, it now falls to you on what to do, staying with him may very well push your kids away from you. If I was that child I would want to stay at Dadâs house as well. I know I couldnât stay if my kids did not get along with my husband. But that is totally up to you.
Heâs not gonna change. He doesnât care. Youâd rather keep alienating and hurting your 2 kids than to leave a man who isnât any good to spare your daughter. Understandable, but your two kids matter too. Youâd all be better off without that man. Heâs the problem.
I wouldnât stay with someone who is constantly hurting my kids feelings. PeriodâŚ
Sounds like your home is already broken. As parents, we set the example of what love/relationships/marriage is. Do you want your children to look at your marriage and think thatâs how is supposed to be?
I would let your oldest 2 go live with their dad if they want. They seem to be happier there. You can take your daughter and go out on your own with her and leave your husband with his own. Make arrangements for your husband to have visitation with the daughter you share. Seems to me everyone will be happier that way. Step parent syndrome is very difficult and everybody suffers. Been there, done that. Time to step up and do what is best for you and your children.
The household is already âbrokenâ unfortunately
Your kids could have lasting mental illness from being raised by someone who doesnt like them. Be fair to the kids. I can appreciate how hard being a step parent is so i chose not too
You need to worry about your other children as well, not just the one with your husband. He sounds like a real asshole, might be time to leave him and his baseball alone. Broken home my ass, this situation is broken, your child will be ok
Do you want to be a good wife or a good mother? It seems like you canât have both in this situation. đ¤ˇ
LISTEN TO YOUR CHILDREN!!! I wish my parents would have!
First, being intimidated IS abuse. Itâs mental abuse. If he not doing anything around the house to help you and isnât kind to your children why are you with him? Thatâs the real questing
Does he treat your shared daughter the same as the others or more like his stepson? Broken homes are not the best but is the current home environment any better? It sounds like there are many children hurting and feeling resentment. And if you are not happy eitherâŚtime to rethink your life.
Iâm sorry but thatâs BS! My stepdad is great! He has never favored my youngest brother who is biological his to me or my other 2 siblings. He bought each one of us a vehicle when we started driving. He helps me as a single mom now tremendously. My son is the only grandson, sister has 3 girls and brothers donât have kids yet. He does so much for my son. Your husband is wrong and Iâm sorry I wouldnât stay with someone who treated my kids like they were 2nd best.
If my kids kept complaining and crying, he would be gone. Or at least stop being selfish and let them live with their dad where they are actually happy.
Girl you gotta leave that dude
You canât change anyone but yourselfâŚ
Dont be surprised when your oldest two want nothing to do with you because at the end of the day you are choosing him over your children. As you mentioned, they have no issue with their step mom so its your husbandâs lack of caring. As for your 6 year old, are you happy? Because it doesnât sound like you are and thats whats most important.
What you allow is what will continue. You need to protect your kids from that crap.
Your home is already broken.
Sounds like a miserable situation
Sorry to say - he doesnât sound like a good dadâŚor husband.
Your going to waste years of your life on this man. Leave.
Disfavored child status is one of the top forms of child abuse, even if you end it tomorrow they already are going to be dragging some dysfunction into adulthood, perhaps if youâd like your kids to be marginalized by a drill sergeant you could enroll them in some military school instead of letting them endure it in their home environment
Girl- run run so fast it ainât never gonna change!! Been fighting this scenario for 35 yrsâ it s not goons change get out and repair your place with your kids nothing is more important!!!