I really need some advice. I am a stay at home, mom. My husband and I have been together for 2years. I have two kids from a previous relationship that only know my husband as their dad. I am sick of feeling like they are being treated differently. We share one child together, and he will buy the most expensive things for his bio child, but when it comes to anything for my two from a previous relationship, it’s like pulling teeth to spend money. I know I need to get a job, but we live in a small town, and it’s hard to find a reliable babysitter. This really hurts me. I have been selling my items to make some money to buy my two other kids something other than crap, so I am not worried about that. I am just sick of how he treats them differently and do not know how to talk to him about it. Please help
Be honest. He may not realize it until you point certain things out. Communication is key.
I have no advice as I’m in a similar situation with my husband treating my son from a previous relationship different but I hope it gets better for you!
He wouldn’t be my husband long. Chris Walker I am so thankful we blended and they all were “ours”.
Thats really sad I’m really sad for those babies.
Say it. You’re treating the older 2 differently and it’s not right. Change it.
I wouldn’t stand for that from my husband and he won’t stand for it from his family.
I would just come straight out and tell him what he’s doing.
Talk to him.Not fair to do this…
Just bring it up to him. Tell him how you feel.
Seriously say it how you see it. Men don’t do well understanding if you beat around the bush. We you two have alone time just tell him.
Sounds like she’s been picking horrible baby daddy’s. Smh.
He wouldn’t be my husband
He is a right prick, kick him till he really realises the damage he is doing
Definitely tell him. My ex was that way with my oldest now hes an ass with em all including his 2
He won’t notice if you don’t tell him🤷🏻♀️
That’s why the divorce rate for second marriages with kids is over 70%
Most people will never view an “outside” child as their own.
Why are so many mothers intimidated to stand up to a man for their children?! Seriously! He isn’t even their biological father!. Moms! Stand up for your children, and kick these losers to the curb. I wouldn’t be with a man who treats my children any different.
Just talk to him in a rational manner! He may not notice what he is doing!!! Just when you and him are away from the children mention it to him and how you feel about it and give him the chance to make it right! If he doesnt then do what you feel you have to weather thats make it up to the other 2 the rest of your life (which it would prob then look like youre doing the same thing with the other 2 as he is his bio) or leave and go from there…
I would sit down and have a serious talk with him. I wouldn’t want any of the children in the home to grow up thinking it’s ok to treat others that way even the child you share together. He may not realize he’s doing it and hopefully that’s the situation. I live in a similar situation where I’m the step parent and I make sure everyone is treated equally, sometimes I even beat myself up making sure xmas gifts are equal to a T as I don’t want anyone feeling any less ever.
I went through this with my husband. The only difference is, I worked so I would by my kids what they need. I treated his kids like my own.
Say it. I’m marrying a man with two boys, and we have no kids of our own. Except 3 fur babies. And I treat those 2 boys like I gave birth to them. Its wrong and needs to be addressed.
That’s bullshit and you need to make that CLEAR stand up for YOUR children. Tell him off.
Tell him to nut the fuck up and be a decent dad or you’re leaving?
You’re doing more damage by being quiet. The worse thing that can come out of it as an argument and I would say for your children …it’s worth it
Umm I don’t know have you tried TELLING HIM! It’s up to you how you ALLOW him to treat your children! My stepdad was like that he treated his bio son different, because my mom allowed it. You need to put your foot down, or in the future don’t expect your children to stick around. They remember everything and you will lose them.
Me and my partner have a child together and I have three from previous relationship and he had one from previous relationship and I would never dream of treating his child any different every Xmas birthday Easter even Halloween I spend as much on his child as I do on my own and his child doesn’t live with us , he needs to know what he is doing and if he can’t accept what he is doing is wrong then u need to tell him to leave cause the damage he will cause to those kids won’t be good and they won’t thank you for letting him away with it either the older they get the more they will notice
Tell him what’s up !! Yeah having ya own kid is diffrent. But he shouldn’t be treating your children differently!! I would also tell him. If he ain’t gonna treat all the kids the same. Not too bother buying your guys child nothing at all !!
Call him out, I do if he treats our kids different and they are all his and mine bio
This isn’t any fair to your kids, maybe you and your guys kid together is little and doesn’t understand but I’m sure your other 2 kids notice things like tht. It’s not healthy at all, he’s your husband and you came with other kids something he should’ve accepted a long time ago but he hasn’t and that’s pretty sad. Maybe you need to express to him how it’s affecting you and even if your kids don’t notice now they will eventually… and yes day care is not the greatest! You’re doing what you can to get your children things they like, you got this momma and talk to him!
We always make a budget for Christmas where we spend the same amount on each child
Stand up for your kids… As a child who was raised from birth by my step mom if she had done this to me on top of how my dad was to me i would be a different person today. It takes a strong person to not onlu care for children who are not biologically yours but. And even stronger one to treat them equal to the ones who are. Shes the only mother i ever knew and if it wasny for her treating me the way you should treat your kids i would have never had one. Im 23 just now getting my bio mom in my life and on more than one occasion she has told me she is not here for me to like her or for me to love her and she is not here to be my friend she is here to raise me to be a decent human being which she did not do my stepmom did. Please make him treat those kids right or find somebody who will because they deserve that
What the hell? Thats just cruel. You take the bank/credit card and buy what you want for all three kids. After all, half of everything is yours legally anyway.
Unacceptable, DO NOT STAND FOR IT, Its not fair to your babies they are innocent and never asked to be thier or loved less
Children in a family should be treated equally, regardless of parentage. I came from a blended family myself, and we were all equal.
If he can’t treat your babies like his, leave his ass sitting. Don’t let him do your kids like that. He knew you had those babies , he knew you came with them. Leave him before it hurts your kids, or at least make him stop making a difference
It sounds like he knows. She said getting him to spend money on the other 2 is like pulling teeth. Just tell him the it aint right and you’re not gonna continue to stand by while it’s happening or else he can leave until he realizes it’s hurtful. Hell, sleep on the couch until he realizes you’re serious. 🤷 Kids don’t ask to be put in these situations, however, the adults know they come with the package. Step up or step out.
Tell him straight up that when he married you he got them too. And he can either treat them accordingly or kick rocks. My husband is not the father of my kids. He treats them like they are his and tells everyone they are his kids. In fact he’s the the one who wants to go crazy with gifts and I am the one who has to pump our brakes. So if he loves you and them he will cut the crap. Maybe he doesn’t really realize he’s doing it. You are going to have to point it out and tell him it’s wrong.
I went through this year’s ago, I told my husband you get the same for all big the kids or get them nothing. he wasn’t happy at first but he came around, he knew I had kids before we got together.in my family you treat them all the same.
Take the gift back that he bought “his” child. Make it fair for all the children.
Mannnn. I had my daughter when i was 17 (she’s 10 now) and i got divorced when she was 3 and i told myself that if a man doesnt treat her like his actual daughter, no matter how much i loved him, i would leave. My husband has been in her life since she was 4 and he treats her just the same as our 3 year old. Well, as far as love and teaching her stuff goes. Shes too old to tgrow in the air cuz shes 5’0 tall lmfao
Need to be careful of who you decide is right for a relationship.
Honestly I have a son from a previous relationship and while I appreciate what my husband does for him it’s not his responsibility. Were expecting our first together any day now and I expect him to treat his kid different than mine because it’s his kid. Not that hes mean or anything like that because I wont tolerate it but I’m grateful he allows me to stay home with my son because hes special needs and requires more attention than “normal” kids. Men deal with things they dont often Express and I’m sure his actions arent intentional it’s just the excitement of having his own.
My neighbors weren’t married. But they were blended. It bugged me, as a child. To watch HER, buy her kids school clothes. Not a thing for his kid’s. You live together as a family. Treat everyone the same.
He should have never become your husband… You should make him an exhuaband
Don’t let him do this. My mom used 2 do this with my youngest bcuz she hated his dad. I finally told her if she wanted 2 buy for my other 3 it was ok but she had 2 also include my youngest. So she took the 3 shopping and sent home - r u ready- a frigging toothbrush 4 my youngest!! I kid u not a freaking plastic toothbrush!# he was 5 at the time! He always felt excluded. His other gramma bought him tons of stuf but she also always included my older 3 that were not her bios n never had 2 b asked 2 do so.
You need to stop that immediately!!
Are figure out how to get your kids Presents!!
Start pawning his stuff to buy things for your children say it’s from him. He will get the hint to be fair or own nothing for himself. He doesn’t deserve anything for himself that’s selfish and not fair. Good luck!!!
My ex’s girlfriend treats my child (my x is father) differently than her children she goes out of her way to do things n take her kids places but yet neglects my kid doesnt invite her anywere buy her kids the “cool” stuff wile my daughter gets the cheap lil kid stuff and the kids are all teens and mind you she doesnt have custody of any of kids besides the baby her n my x just had…my daughter sees it n gets mad and upset and her dad does nothing about it shes mean to my child n critisizes my parenting it sux and no matter how many times ive said something nobody does anything about it. She will also post things on fb of how much a great dad my x is to the baby n her kids yet doesnt say anything about his own child hes an ok dad to our child but thats not the point. Only you can do is talk to him amd point things out and ask him y…good luck sorry i dont have good advice.
What you allow, is what will continue. I just hope your kids are not old enough to see it
Hard or not you have to talk about it. Stick up for your kids. He wanted you with your kids so he should treat them all equally. I have a step daughter and even though we only have her a couple times during the week and every other weekend she gets what my kids get. You can look under my tree and even though I won’t see her xmas day she has just as many gifts as my girls do. One of my daughters is 20 and works and even she bought gifts for her own sister and my stepdaughter. You really need to talk to him about it and how this is affecting you and most likely affecting the kids too. . Let him know if he can’t get the same things for your kids then whatever he buys for his kid will not be accepted. Regardless if the other two aren’t his the kids are all related and they should all be treated the same.
As their mother you should be ashamed for ALLOWING it. Your kids probably know that they are treated differently and it will breed resentment. Open your mouth and address the situation.
Your man needs to grow up.
Surely now, there is no more mine and his, but rather OUR? Is it just presents that this occurs? Or praise/discipline etc. Without knowing too many facts, hard to fully understand but don’t open any doors to resentment. He may need his behaviours clearly pointed out.
Set him straight or return items dont ever let some man make your children feel less than. I would tell him shape up or get the hell out.
He could either climb on board, or stay away from the train period. You don’t have to have sex with him. You don’t have to cook for him. You don’t have to do shit for him…
Did he start acting this towards your kids before or after marriage?
Either way it’s time to stand up for your kids, but the longer it’s gone on the harder it may be to get through to him.
Just come right out and tell him how you feel.
My step dad would never do for his son that he wouldn’t do for me. My mom would also never do for her 3 kids that she wouldn’t do for my step brother. My parent’s have no bio kids together but they do equally for each of us all our lives. What your husband is doing is not ok n is going to hurt ur children emotionally.
Hell no! Why did you marry a man like this ? I’m sure the other children feel this and it’s sad. My husband treats my ildest like his own even better then our son together because he is older and they have more things in common. It’s a package deal and if your a sahm you should have gotten money together does the kid’s dad pay child support if so that should be there Christmas money
I am glad that my SO who I been with for two years treat all our kids the same even with my daughters not being his he treats them like gold and he buys things they want and need because if he treated my kids like this he would be out the door
Not that it’s right but I feel like this is the case with allot of people, most dont even know they are doing it. But a bond between bio kids and parents is always going to be stronger then step kids. Once again not that it’s right but sadly true
Honey let me tell you something, it is not easy to force a relationship with step children. It’s easier in my opinion for a woman to warm up to kids than it is for men. I’m not excusing your husband but he is supporting you and 3 of your children, 2 of which he did not make but is now responsible for. Let me ask you this. Does your 2 eldest children’s father give child support? I highly doubt it. I had a male friend have this very problem. He was expected to provide 110% for his stepchild but the mom would not go after the bio father to step up. And if he brought it up, then he was the bad guy. That does grow resentment. Is he a dick for picking favorites, yes. Is he a horrible person, probably. But you chose him to make another child with and now instead of me telling you to “leave” this man, I’m telling you to understand him and do what’s right for your older 2. You should not be struggling selling items when there is a father out there not providing for his children and the one you are mad at is the one putting a roof over your head and those children, food in your stomach and your children, and have a warm bed at night.
Start a Christmas bank account and each put money in. Then stipulat that it is for Christmas presents for the 3 kids to be spent equally and no other presents to be purchased and go shopping together that might make him realise all kids are equal he might realise a good father is not just good to his kid but to all kids.
Stand up to him you treat them all the same or their the door
He took on the obligation and he knew what he was getting into! It’s not fair to treat one better than the others. What he will be missing out on in the end… not only that but kids aren’t stupid you think they don’t see and feel the favoritism. Please… you rep what you sew… troubles ahead if you don’t speak up and end this bigotry!!!
Going thro same thing! Good luck!
Tell him you see the diffrence and do not like it. Tell him you will not put up with it
It sickens me how adults act like children!!! Kids want to be excepted and adults need to give them love and affection. Is treating a child
with kindness and with a understanding that they have SOULS that need nurtured too much to ask for.
I think not but here we are having this conversation and it sucks.
Im the biological parent to both of my kids. And i tend to spoil the youngest just a little more at the current moment.
Why? Well…he’s home all day so its… convenience? He’s 2. The expectations from him and the ones i have for my 6 year old are vastly different. I already spoiled my 6 year old. I already did the things for him that I’m doing for my 2 year old.
Sometimes its hard to draw the line. Its hard sometimes to even recognize what you’re doing.
I would sit down and have a talk with him. Just be open and honest.
I know you probably cant leave him because you dont have a job but I always said if a man dosnt treat my kids like his own i rather be single. I have a 6 year old from previous relationship and a 4 year old from the man i am with and have been since my first born was 5 months and he loves her to death and treats them exactly the same… if he didnt i woulnt be with him cause my kids come first than any man. But like someone else said… it has to come from him. Unfortunately you cant make him love your other children its either he does or he doesn’t. Sorry you have to go through this:frowning:
Time to leave him.He’s a jerk
When he married you he took on your kids as his own or should have - they are not step anything they are your family and the 1/2 siblings of his child and should be treated as such equally. I have 2 from a previous marriage and my husband and I do not have any kids together nor does he have any children but he has always said my sons were his and treated them as such and every child that we have ever had the blessing in our home was treated as an equal just as ours were and still are (they are grown and have kids of their own now) so sit down with him and politely discuss how this bothers you very deeply since they think of him as their dad. I’m assuming their bio dad is not in their lives and does nothing for them and if that is the case your husband should feel blessed that your children love him as they do…give it to God in prayer and He will lead the way for you. Have a Merry Christmas and may all work out for all.
While I can empathize with your situation, it is very upsetting to me. When will Mother’s learn to always put their children first? They are children , he’s an adult, yet you’re more concerned of how to talk to him. I would be furious and upset just thinking how my other children may be feeling. We ladies need to do better ! You let him know what is up, assuming he doesn’t already know, and you tell him it has to change.
A lot of you are acting like she married him knowing he was like this. Maybe she didnt? She didnt mention how old their child is. for all we know the child is still young, yes it’s wrong but theres a lot to the story that we dont know as well.
But that’s just me
He will do more for his biological offspring as they are responsible for his reproductive success.
Cut him some slack. What he’s doing is natural.
Its a tall order to ask anyone to treat kids “like thier own” when it isnt in our DNA to do so
Get rid of him!!! He’s trash and he won’t change
Family counseling. If he won’t listen to you, let him hear it from someone else. Also, is your kids’ bio dad in the picture at all, or any family who could make up for some of the deficit?
Be stright up, don’t beat around the Bush. We have 3 kids. They are all 3 to be treated equal.
You shouldn’t expect for your husband to treat them the same because they aren’t. All 3 are yours. All 3 are not his. You shouldn’t act entitled. You should appreciate what he does do. You should be demanding and expecting this from their actual father. If he was mean to them, yelled at them, tried getting physical with them, was mentally abusing them then I’d say don’t stand for it and leave someone who clearly wasn’t good for your children but to try to force for a responsibility on him that is not his is wrong. You are their mother and you should be providing for them and their dad should as well. If you ever divorced him he wouldn’t be responsible to support your children from a different relationship or to continue seeing them. People should appreciate what partners do out of love for children that are not theirs but it is NOT a responsibility at all. They need to know he is their step father from the very beginning and teach your kids to be appreciative.
Take the expensive gift he got the one, return it and make a gift for all three. And when he starts to ask why say - we have three children. You’re acting as if there is only one. He isn’t their dad and he’s letting it show. Address it and stick up for your children. My partner was partially raised by a step dad and lied to that it was his father as well. He remembers to this day how his little brother would get more of everything. It matters. It sticks with them. Don’t let him do that to them.
I could never allow my children to be treated different. I have 1 from precious relationship and 1 with my husband. They get treated the same. If he ever treated his bio one better I would leave quick smart. Poor kids
You need to tell him once for all u r mother!
You call him out on his shit. Be blunt. He signed up to be their dad. Be a dad.
Your a blended family an he should love an treat them all the same, I’m a grandparent with a blended family an wouldn’t treat them any different tell him to change his attitude or sling him our!
Me and my other half have been together just over 5 years. I had a son previous to him and my 11 year old brother lives with us also. We have a 2 year old together and one on the way but he treats them all the same!! If your husband can’t do this then it’s time to consider why and have that serious talk. Maybe he doesn’t realise but to me it sounds like he knows.
I’m 44 and my 65 year old mother was still treat my 30 something year old step brother like hes King… mom is like oh dobbin finally bought his house and I’m like Mama Please…he didn’t buy his house you and Daddy bought his house I had to sleep out in my car for 4 years in the driveway because I didn’t have nowhere to go but yet King Dobbin and his family they get a house bought for them trust me I still have resentment to this day because he is still treated like a king …he always was and his kids and my kids mom didnt have anything to do with…you need to leave that man and make your children number one or your going to be hated… your kids can see that now… if you don’t think that they can’t …they can!!! and then they’ll continue seeing it and until they’re adults… and they will have so much resentment towards you…hes on foodstamps now collecting it up …your allowing it and that speaks volume how you feel about your kids
Say it plainly! These are our children. Ours! Treat them all the same. Speak up and out honey.
Get a full time job and have him help you figure out the child care, you shouldn’t have to figure it out alone. Once you’re established, take care of your other two and let him deal with all the expenses of the little one, if that’s how he wants to play then so be it.
Put your children first and leave him. When you marry someone with kids that are not biologically theirs they become theirs too and should be treated and loved as such.
I left my husband, I refused to have my children treated that way.
Get the bio dad to chip in.
So where is real dad? Shouldn’t he be buying the expensive shit for his kids?
I spend more money on my step daughter because she is a teen and cost more but it doesn’t matter being a step parent is hard. You have to set boundaries and not except it. Easier said then done
your kids should come first plain and simple🤦🏻♀️
Me an my partner have 10 kids all together i had 5 boys an girls before we meet an he had 4 boys and we both now have a girl
even with him finally having a girl he still treats them all the same
age range is from 13, 12,11,11,10,8 ,7,7,7,2
they are all treated the same, you should never allow a man to treat your children different cause thats when u have problems
Well said Dyna Mawhai Oneroa
If he wont change when you ask him to, he wont change at all. This is an important issue and I feel it cant be overlooked. If he wont adjust his attitude (and stay adjusted) after you tell him to, I’d look into lawyers. I’m divorced with one kid and her father wont treat her right. I wouldnt allow another to do the same
I am sorry you’re in this situation though
Do the kids break their stuff??
How sad I would leave if able to ,