My first husband had a horrible porn addiction to the point it destroyed not only me but also us financially. Now my second husband uses it as a way to hurt me in moments of anger. My self-esteem and value are gone… I will never ever measure up to what is portrayed in porn. Not sure if or how to ever overcome this?
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That’s emotional abuse. He needs counseling or you need to remove yourself from that equation. That’s horrible!
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You are AWESOME…he needs help not you
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Of course you won’t measure up to it because you’re not fake and plastic and if he can’t handle a real women then I suggest you buy him a blow up doll and kick him out .
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That’s not fair for u he needs to get help or u need to leave
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You dont need to measure up to porn. Those are professionals. And ill guarantee you your husband wouldnt be able to get one of those girls no matter how hard he tried. Dont let it bring you down
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Just remind yourself how much more you are than that. A good faithful woman is very hard to find !
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First and foremost, it’s just porn. Your insecurities are your problem and shouldnt be projected on to ANY one. It’s also no one else’s job to make you feel better about yourself. Only you can that! Period. Second he’s a grown ass man and can watch whatever the hell he wants. WHAT HE CANT DO is hurt you in ANY way. But you’re allowing it and need to grow a pair. Put an end to it or it will only get worse.
Don’t let him treat you with such disrespect. You need to leave him! He is mentally sick!
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Sounds like you need another divorce
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WTF, I’d say he’s an asshole. You should really be doing some serious thinking dear.
Buy a vibrator and a Pk of batteries. It’s time for self care.
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He obviously has no respect for you. Move on.
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He has no respect leave!
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Get rid of the husband, problem solved.
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Yes, Get rid of him!
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Come on ladies, porn is porn… it’s glorified and normal to be accepted in a healthy relationship for what it is and not something to be jealous of. If it gets to you that much, turn the tables back on him and start watching it yourself and see how it makes him feel and you never know… YOU might enjoy it.
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Remove yourself if your that insecure.
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How is he using it against you?
Why you worry about porn ? You better than them is all
It’s prolly bc you don’t give a damn in less it’s about you men worship the ground women walk on and they abuse it. if a man makes you feel wanted then I feel he has the right to make you feel un wanted if you abuse how high up on a pedestal he put you. it’s not mental abuse and going on to another man doesn’t fix things… it’s what create ass holes like me. Always try to earn how you want to feel and as long as you take time to not just think about yourself but your partners wants to even if it’s not what you like you can’t go wrong and you will always feel confident and enough
Hunny don’t ever think you need to measure up to someone else YOU are BEAUTIFUL the way YOU are never compare your self to some one else everyone is beautiful in their own ways and it just takes the right partner to see it and if he’s using it to get to you that guess he just isn’t a man then huh he’s a boy child that will eventually grow up when it’s to late and another man is showing you are you should be treated embrace your self and your natural beauty hunny flaws are beautiful they are what define us and our own individuality you never want to be like someone else because there is only one you!
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I’m not coming putting up with bullshit like that either he stops or I’m leaving
Have you tried watching it with him? You might enjoy it 
… I totally respect your feelings on the subject, I’ve just personally never had a problem with porn.
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Next time that he uses it to get to you during an argument tell him that you wanna watch it with him then so that you can see what the big Damn deal is.
And then… Watch one with him. And say, “Ohh… OK. I really do see why you like it so much. Cause Damn… If your dick was that big… I would actually enjoy myself too!”
See how his bitch ass likes that 
Information is power, you gave him power to hurt you by telling him how your ex uses porn to hurt you, never ever give people too much information…
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Never think you can’t , it’s nothing a little money can’t fix with cosmetic surgery make him pay it then leave his ass 
Man there are alot of miserable people in here. I cant image how many relationships many people in here have ended by pressuring people to split. Its so easy to do that behind a keyboard especially to someone whos looking for advice. Just because your situation was like that, doesnt make all situations the same. That being said, talk to your guy. You need to reclaim some of your self esteem back and set some ground rules for yourself and him. It will be an uncomfortable, surprising conversation for him. If he pushes back on it, or agrees to the ground rules then breaks them, he probably needs help. Same for you. Honestly its what you think its worth. But you will never be happy living like this. Both of you.
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I would rather be by myself than in a relationship that makes me feel that way. If he has no respect for you have it for yourself and get out
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You should not put up with this . He can go to a twelve step program or get counseling for his problem . Also , read what the Bible has to say about sexual sin . He needs to hear this ! Marriage counseling would help you both !
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Since he’s using it as a weapon take away his weapon. Quit letting it show that it bothers you. If it was me, I would probably find the weirdest porn I could find and give him the link on a piece of paper the next time he does it lol Everyone has things that they don’t want to see, use that knowledge 
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Remove yourself from that toxic situation💁
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The way to overcome this is to get help. Seek counseling to address these issues within yourself and you may discover the reason to why you choose these type of men (emotionally abusive).
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If he’s using something that ended your first marriage to hurt you in times of anger, he’s a manipulative prick. Show him the door.
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People saying to get over it porn is nbd gross me out. Shes allowed to feel however she feels about it. He is using something traumatic from her past to manipulate her now and you guys are telling her to get over his abusive behavior. Trash
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Some of these comments are awful. All these women who are telling you to “get a grip” and to “remove yourself if you’re that insecure” and to “lighten up” need to fuck right off this post. This clearly isn’t for them. His behaviour has hurt you, just because their relationship may be different gives them no right to make you feel even shitter about this situation. Porn can be very hurtful to some women AND men in some relationships, it completely depends on the dynamic you have together. Also, it does destroy marriages, much more than you would think. You need to sit down and speak to him about this, the fact he does it to hurt you deliberately is an issue, he needs to see how much it’s hurt you without being a complete ass about it. Sex is not like porn. Porn is artificial, it’s not real so don’t ever compare yourself to these women (as hard as it is) how would he like it if you switched the tables? Sometimes that’s what men need to realise how hurtful their behaviour is. Eye for an eye and all NB that. But I am aware that petty retaliation isn’t the answer. If you want to save your marriage a conversation needs to be had, he must realise the impact this has on you. I really hope you sort it out xx
How is he using it to hurt you?
It is not OK to use anything to hurt anyone oit of spite in a relationship. That’s not healthy.
This is why we all have boundaries and weed out the ones that can’t stick to our boundaries. It’s not a porn problem, it’s a shitty person problem.
Make sure to let any new partner know up Front you are not ok With porn at all and its a deal breaker for you. Some people are very into it and some people could care less for it.
Just leave. If he does that he doesn’t care about you. Get out and don’t look back.
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Throw away the whole husband.
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Your spouse should never use anything to purposely hurt you. I know it’s easier said than done but I would get out of that situation before it gets worse. If someone truly loves you, they wouldn’t be trying to hurt you just because they’re upset. That’s not a relationship.
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Never belittle yourself to porn. Sex is an act not Love…You are more than enough to Love. The defect is there problem. Never allow a partner to take your self esteem or power, it is a game to some. Find a way to dig yourself to find your confidence.
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Girl, you need to leave his ass. There is someone better out there that will respect your feelings and not use them against you.
Leaving is easier said than done. My husband has a weird sexual fetish that ruined our marriage. I gave him 4 chances and each time I went back he never changed. But the sad part is I still love him. Please sée if he will go to counseling. Mine refused
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I understand how you are feeling. My first husband was obsessed with girlie magazines and porn. He had over 300 magazines in the house at one time-not secured and accessible to our young child. I found all that junk plus videos he put on the computer. It drove me away. I couldn’t compete with that. It hurt so much and destroyed my self-esteem. I could not and would not put up with that being used against me in another relationship. It’s cruel.
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Leave, he knows how you feel and instead of trying to work things out, he’s using it as a vice to hurt you, even if it wasn’t porn he’d find whatever you’re weakness is and continue
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Tell him his dick is small and walk out! The mans broken.
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In my opinion using porn, knowing your history is abuse. He is using your trauma to further injure you. This is not loving behaviour. Also, the people in porn are made up,edited have lighting and often plastic surgery. You shouldn’t have to look like them it it impossible and not real.
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Suck his cock really good and then ask him if any other girls he knows can do that better then if so tell him to pack his shit and leave
His level of maturity is showing.
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Mine does too its worse than getting cheated on.
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First off you aren’t the problem there is undoubtedly nothing at all wrong with you, your looks or your ways behind closed doors - this is a mental issue with him completely. It’s his own weird fantasy of being half the man these men are the porn - probably has very little to do with the women. If you can walk away do so because there is a man out there that will treat you the way you deserve to be treated with nothing but the upmost respect above all if he truly loves you - and neither of these men have truly loved you for lack of loving themselves. It’s not you. Good luck.
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First off…nobody is gonna “measure up” to porn. That shit is not real lol…but he shouldn’t be using shit like that to hurt you, period.
Babe that is emotional abuse and NO ONE deserves to be treated like that. I hope you move on or you find a way to stop that behavior. I know every situation is different. But you got this! Find a way to be happy!
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Lol what makes a man think he measures up to any porn they watch, alittle delusional aren’t they. I’d break him back down, tell him all of what he isn’t and how he isn’t.
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Escape from this abuser.
How the hell do you use porn against somebody??? Why aren’t you watching it with him is my question. Maturity is a two way street and if this a cry for help there are other issues clearly.
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I can’t advise, but try to tell you about my bestfriend. Her husband used porn in the 1970-1984. Until he started to Raping her and molesting her teenage daughters he had adopted. One she caught using the excuse he was checking her hyena she had repaired when she was 3 years old. I don’t know why she brought that excuse, but she did. Maybe because he had tore her down like you said. The daughter started running away, she came home with a baby surprise at 16. They went to Church counseling, I never seen them so happy their family was so blessed. He hide the Porn this is when we meet my husband and I went to the same Church. I got her a job at my job. Then the money started to disappear. She didn’t know why. Her younger daughter started to get involved with a young man and then she ran way. Her and I would go looking for her. Then I saw one night on TV that her Husband had been killed in a park in Portland. The next day I went to her she had been not telling me that he had started back into Porn. Raping, beating, and raping her youngest daughter. That was way she had been running away. The young girl was pregnant didn’t know who the father was. That she had not been going out with only me but with friends her daughter knew from the streets, and that she was on drugs. That these friends had killed him in the park. Long story short my friend got Life min. 10 years in Oregon State Prison. I went to see her almost every Saturday for the next ten years. The two guys got Life min. 20 years. I don’t know where they are. In 1994 my friend got out of Prison she is now turn her Life truly to God she 78 and I and 68. We are still friends but the they always told her if she had told someone she would not have gone to Prison. Her husband would he was into Child Porn, all kind of very bad kinds of Porn. He had Destroy her inside so badly that was one part of her she could not share with me or anyone until after he was dead. It could go the other way Porn does have parts in it that do end up in acts of violence to the Porn partners. Think about it he could turn on you, your children, the public. Porn users sometimes are serial killers too, Ted Bundy was. Why did I say 1984 because that was when they killed him
This is emotional abuse. Leave before it gets physical.
Tell him that he is emotionally abusing you by doing that and the next time he does it you are walking right out that door.
If it’s an issue for you, leave his ass set your standards and stick to them…next time around be sure to let your significant other know your feelings and how you’re not comfortable if they like to watch that bs! If they care about you they would understand…porn is for single men(my opinion) or people who openly watch it together…if they have to sneak behind your back to do it they have an issue n don’t respect you as a person if he’s purposely doing it to hurt you!
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Never dought yourself you are better than that feel sorry for the poor people in those films who have for some reason (what God only knows ,) have to do that to them selves ,because people like your man who find the time to watch such crap
You don’t have anything to measure up to, he should love you the way that you are. I’m sorry to say, but this is not a good place to stay, unless he gets help for his addiction.
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Walk away value ur self more than he does. Trust me u will be happier
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It’s not about you
Pack your bag and leave.
Don’t be measured by his low standards
You are beautiful and special the way you are
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Goood freakin bye!! That’s how you over come this . Just evil he needs the over coming
You have nothing to overcome…they do…he has a bad habit and the problem to value what trully sex is between couples…the failure is him…dont ever underestimate yourself…
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If you are asking for advice please just take it first time shame on him but second one you know what to do be good to yourself before it destroys you
That’s just wrong on every leval it has nothing to do with you he’s sick you need to leave him before it totally destroys you that’s not love that’s a problem of his own doing get out
This is his problem not yours…get out now…for your safety
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They aren’t men they are boys who thinks women should be like that all the time.
PACK. YOUR. BAG. AND. LEAVE!!!
Why would you tolerate this a second time? The very first time you knew he was doing this you should have left!
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Get rid of that zero
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You are better than what is portrade in those porn sites. Its all acting not real life, fanticies, unreal for many real loving women. Chin up sweety you are beautiful n never let a man make you feel you are not. Unfortunetly some men are good at hurting us when they know our weakness & fears. Pay him back start watching big d*ck porn with sexy guys with stanima bet he won’t like it either. Hugs hunny. Stay strong.
Please do NOT let some nasty porn hoes bring you down!!!
Been there leave immediately find somebody that’s not a sicko
Get away from that sick bastard!! Any man that has to have that is plain trash in my book ,as trashy as his porn!! Get out while you still have your sanity. My ex had the same problem and thought he hid it…that’s why he’s a ex …he also cheated. Most men that has to have that bs is cheaters to!
If he’s doing it to spite you; it’s time to leave. No one should ever do anything to intentionally hurt their partner. He should be building you up; not tearing you to pieces. Living life with someone who makes you feel the way you do isn’t a life worth living. Take some time to work on yourself and find someone who treats you the way you should be treated and love you the way you need to be loved.
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You have to work on you. Meditation and self rejection on why you place so much value in the standards of porn and how your can’t measure up. Once you know your value, anyone elses opinions matter very little. Try googling meditation and self worth to see what pops up. It works. But you need to be consistent.
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You shouldn’t feel like you have anything to prove. This is completely his problem. Set boundaries, let him know in no uncertain circumstances that porn is not a negotiable matter. Tell him he needs help but don’t find it for him. If he values your relationship encourage him to get help. Also get support for yourself. Consider counseling for yourself. A great faith based program is Celebrate Recovery . It’s for every hurt, habit and hang up. Divorce is an option but it may be your only way to be released. Good luck.
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No person should ever deliberately use a traumatic event to harm you. That’s abuse. Whether it comes from a spouse, child, parent, coworker, boss, etc. YOU, should never consider “amounting” to anyone, but yourself. Stand up for yourself, for yourself. It’s up to him to overcome the damage HE specifically, actively, and deliberately did. Not you.
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This is a horrible occurrence in our society. Boys and men grow up watching porn which most women will NEVER be able to duplicate, or want to. Those men usually aren’t happy in normal marriages. Sadly, you will only grow and be better without someone like that in your life. He sounds toxic.
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It sound like he has other issues going on, what he is doing is mental abuse that could move on to physical abuse. I would say that he enjoys hurting you and someone who dose this, dose not love you or cares about you. I would get away while you can. You have to learn to love yourself before anyone else can love you and this man has taken that away from you. And I agree with what Amber has said, Leave him and work on you and the right one will come along. Do not settle just so you are not alone because then you will miss out on the right one. Why stay with someone who treats you this way? You are gonna be better off without him. You will find that you are stronger then you think once you leave him. Good luck and always believe in yourself.
My first husband did the same thing it led to arguments and resentment leave now if he’s doing this to hurt you he doesn’t care about you there is someone who will appreciate you and you body the way it is it’s not him
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You only have to find a decent man. Try again. You never, ever have to measure up to what is portrayed in porn. Don’t even go there. Shame on your husband, not you.
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You need to leave or he needs to leave work on you and find yourself and see the beauty insides of you, and don’t try to be like them other people take you down. There only a picture find you and move on, and find the ones that are there for you for a support team let them help you find you. I’m so sorry for your misfortune, find you and be you.
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Do the same back to him then leave your no doormat. Don’t stay with someone who tries to hurt you. Its not gonna get any better. You deserve love and respect
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I am mean, but next time he watches it to hurt you tell him you wished he could be as good as those men look in the video he is watching. Whats good for the goose is good for the gander. In my opinion he sounds like he might have some narcissistic tendencies going on. You are worth too much to have someone do that to you. Let him see how it feels to get hit below the belt.
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First off those women probably don’t look like that without lots of help to begin with. When your with the right person sex should be so natural. Love shouldn’t be that way. It’s creepy
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I really think you two should try marital counseling. That way maybe you both can openly discuss your feelings on the issue and find healthier ways to communicate…
I would be getting the hell out of that relationship as fast as I could.
It use to bother me, but I started watching it with him. Then i started watching it on my own. I had to get through insecurities and it actually has helped our sex relationship and experience New things.
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From a mans point of view: Watch it with him and ask him why he can’t do it like the men in the video. I can assure you that will hurt his ego worse than you leaving him!
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He has the problem & so do you if you put up with him. Leave now. You’re worth so much more. God loves you & His love is the only one that matters. Love yourself & go.
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Every relationship has different boundaries, most ppl don’t consider watching porn as cheating but you draw the line somewhere. But someone who uses that against you when you’re arguing is abuse. That’s mental and emotional abuse and that’s not okay. Talk to him, go to a counselor or dump his ass
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Hey, dont let another individual steal your joy and who you are. You are a child of God. He loves you. I have had some really rough situations in my years and now I dont. Stay positive and dont let it hurt you. Hes ridiculous and he loves hurting you and so childish… Dont let it do that to you. You have your life God gave you. He wants you to draw on your inner strength he gave you.
The fact that he knows about your past relationship and how much that man’s porn addiction hurt you and will still use this to get to you when he’s angry is just plain evil.
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You are letting him use it as power over you, and no one has the right to do that! The problem isn’t that you don’t measure up, it’s that he has unrealistic expectations. You are not a porn star, you are his wife. You are to be cherished the way you are and not to “perform.” If he needs someone to “perform” then he has a very big problem. You need to kick him to the curb because face it, all he is, is a sleazebag who is also abusive.
If he uses it to hurt you he’s a psychological abuser. It starts there and will only get worse. Leave while you still have some of your self-worth intact. Psychological abuse is worse than physical abuse because there are no physical scars. There is a book “Healing from Hidden Abuse” by Shannon Thomas LCSW. This will help you understand what he’s doing, why and how you can heal. My daughter’s ex-husband was a psychological abuser until he also became a physical abuser and tried to kill her one night. She managed to get out of the house and call 911 from a neighbor’s home.
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Sounds like you need to break the cycle of porn losers. You’re worth more than that. Any man that uses anything to hurt the woman he is supposed to love is a man not worth keeping. Show him the door
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D-I-V-O-R-C-E! He has no respect for you. Move on, get your self together, your worth more than you will ever know.
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