My Husband Wants to Join the Air Force, But I Think It's Bad for Our Family: Advice?

Relationships
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QUESTION:

"My husband wants to join the Air Force, but I do not agree with it.

He says we’ll be set as well as our son. In reality, we won’t. I don’t want my son to go without his dad on holidays.

I won’t be able to work because I’ll have no childcare because I’m not leaving my son with a random person I do not know. I don’t know if my son will get his occupational and speech therapy because I cannot afford it out of pocket; I also do not want to uproot my son from what he knows and have to move every year or so.

It’s not beneficial for our family, and he wants to go. I know I sound selfish, but I’m thinking about my son first."

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TOP ANSWERS (AS SELECTED BY MODERATOR):

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“Tricare prime is some of the best insurance out there, it would definitely cover all the therapies he could ever need. Your husband joining the military is. Probably the best thing he could do for your son.”

“’ve been in the AF for almost 10 years now, so here’s my insight. There is no guarantee for any of that. Most normal AF jobs get holidays & weekends off. Every base has its own childcare center. Military health insurance is pretty good, they would cover your son’s therapy. Depending on the job there are only certain bases you can be assigned to, most people don’t move every year, more like every 5-6 years unless you’re overseas. I’d suggest going to talk to the recruiter with your husband and asking him all these questions before straight up saying no.”

“The air force is probably the most ‘family-friendly’ military branch. Military life is not easy, but it is well worth it. Your son will be covered under his benefits. Military insurance is very good, and you won’t be paying out of pocket for that if he is enlisted. My husband is retired military, and I wouldn’t change those years for anything. We met amazing people, we grew so much as individuals and as a couple. It is something you need to sit down and weigh out your options, but don’t shut it down just because of the what-ifs.”

“While it is a decision you should make as a couple, there was a lot of ‘I don’t wants’ in that statement. Air Force is better than others at taking care of their own. Your son’s health issues would be covered. My husband has a genetic heart condition and we have paid nothing out of pocket for it.”

“My ex-husband was in the Army for over 23 years. Your son’s medical will be covered. Being a military spouse was the best years of my life. My daughter is now 24 years old. She says she loved being an Army brat. I still have so many lifelong friends I met thru our Army adventure. I still have Tricare and Army privileges after our divorce. I would say yes go into the Air Force. You will have friends for life!!”

“I refuse to date or stay with anyone who enlists. I won’t raise my family alone. It’s not selfish if you’re straight up about it.”

“He’s probably also thinking about his family. Everything you mentioned is trivial really.”

“Both my parents were career military. Both my parents were always there for me, always. I had amazing healthcare, always had everything I needed as a child. Great sense of community everywhere we lived, surrounded by other military families. I am thankful for my parents’ choice to be in the military. It afforded me so many opportunities.”

“Military wife here… He will resent you if you do not support him in this. This is a career, not a job. And one that offers so much more stability than civilians. The insurance is great, I have chronic medical issues and have never paid out of pocket. I work for UHC, and see the other side of things, and am extremely blessed to have Tricare. Your son’s therapy will be taken care of. We’ve been in our current city since 2014. I’ve never had a holiday without my husband. I’d definitely change your mindset.”

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Honestly, leaving your child with someone you don’t know very well can be scary. I found a 17 year old girl who is lovely and she asks for very little (we pay her extra often when we can because she is just wonderful) – my point here is, that 17 year old girl and her family and my family have gotten close. One day the person watching your kid can become not strangers. I understand your concern with him joining. Maybe ask him to join after christmas. Voice your concerns, but I think it is best to be supportive above all else.

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While it is a decision you should make as a couple, there was a lot of I dont wants in that statement. Air Force is better than others at taking care of their own. Your son’s health issues would be covered. My husband has a genetic heart condition and we have paid nothing out of pocket for it.

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4

Tricare prime is some of the best insurance out there, it would definitely cover all the therapy’s he could ever need. Your husband joining the military is.probably the best thing he could do for your son.

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The air force is probably the most “family friendly” military branch. Military life is not easy, but it is well worth it. Your son will be covered under his benefits. Military insurance is very good, and you won’t be paying out of pocket for that if he is enlisted. My husband is retired military, and I wouldn’t change those years for anything. We met amazing people, we grew so much as individuals and as a couple. It is something you need to sit down and weigh out your options, but don’t shut it down just because of the what ifs.

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6

How old are you? I think maybe you need to talk to people in the military.

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7

As a daughter of army lifer veteran(20 years) I freaking loved it growing up. I wanted that life for my kids too. Unfortunately we couldn’t make that happen, medical issues after 2 deployments but I’m still surrounded by the lifestyle. :yellow_heart:

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I’ve been in the AF for almost 10 years now, so here’s my insight. There is no guarantee for any of that. Most normal AF jobs get holidays & weekends off. Every base has its own childcare center. Military health insurance is pretty good, they would cover your son’s therapy. Depending on the job there’s only certain bases you can be assigned to, most people don’t move every year, more like every 5-6 years unless you’re overseas. I’d suggest going to talk to the recruiter with your husband and asking him all these questions before straight up saying no.

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9

Hey i was married to guy in military. It was a wonderful experience! Base child care is excellent! Very close knit group, home and family above all else. My husband was only sent TDY once in seven years. And we only moved once. Kids had great medical coverage to. Base housing is pretty sweet. Look into it, not as bad as you think!!!And your hubs could get retirement which is almost unheard of these days!

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Tbh I’d really look more into it… We’ve been a Navy family for 7 years… in that 7 years my husbands deployed one time and in that time only missing one thanksgiving and one Christmas. Tricare (the military healthcare) is AMAZING we’ve never paid for a single thing and our first born had to go through speech therapy which was covered (we haven’t had anything not be covered) as for “moving every year” it’s not it’s every 3 years and up. Would I prefer our kids grow up where we did? Absolutely BUT not if it means we’d be struggling and we definitely would have been if it weren’t for the military. Health cares paid for, housings paid for, even groceries are paid for! I’d definitely say he should hear you out on your concerns but you should also look into it a lot more because it’s not anything that you said it is…

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The health insurance ans federal benefits are pretty good. There are a ton of benefits for you and your son. You really need to do research and make an informed choice. I have worked with the AF and they are amazing. This sounds more like you are thinking about yourself than your son. Kids are resilient.

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Also our cost for first child $13 second was $32! Beat that if you can!!!

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I’d def look into what he wants to be and search around, some caterers hardly ever get deployed. My hubs was in the air force for 6 yrs and went on 1 VOLUNTARY deployment. He never missed out on anything of our daughters. I’m sure others are different, but worth looking into. We also never moved. He was stationed at 1 base for 6 years. I can honestly say I don’t know people who move every year. And the military health insurance is some of the best you can get!

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14

If your husband’s heart is truly to be a service member by holding him back from it he will have so many regrets

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15

My husband joined the airforce when my daughter was 8 months old and it has been such an amazing blessing! Bases have CDC (child development center) and at home providers if you’d like smaller classes for child care and tricare USUALLY covers therapies especially for kids, you just need a simple referral! :blush:
Depending on his job, you may not move a lot. My husband is a maintainer on a specific jet and its only at 2 bases around the world so we’re Kinda stuck at one base for a while :joy: he’s also been in just over 2 years and has deployed once. I gotta say, the benefits (for us at least) have been amazing! We love the air force and he plans on staying in 20+ years :blush:

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If it’s a dream of his let him. My ex husband was AF. Husband now Army retired. I wouldnt have traded it for anything. I loved the life and opportunities and the people and places.

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Ur son will b fine, its u who doesnt want him too

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As a navy brat, army vet, and wife to an airman, I can say the military life is not for the faint of heart.

My husband and I have three kids with one more due any day now and he has been in the military ten years. While we have struggled over the years with both of us being in the military (two separate branches) we have had great experiences with medical and dental insurance and have zero issues when seeking medical care.

We have dealt with deployments, separations, TDYs, and all sorts of ups and downs, but it has all been worth it. You guys have to talk things out and see the pros and cons of having to adjust to and live the military life.

You will have to uproot yourselves every few years if the military deems it necessary, but there is a lot of positive that honestly comes with being a part of the military. New experiences, travel, and along the way, you also learn a lot about yourselves and how much stronger you are when put in tough situations.

Honestly, we wouldnt trade it for the world.

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19

You would be missing out on a world of opportunities and a life of experiences because you are afraid the military has excellent hospitals don’t be afraid of what if

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Tricare is the best insurance you’ll get for your son. We never paid anything out of pocket. You’ll also get all your prescriptions there at the hospital before you leave. You’ll have a home, live on post which is safe, all the stores will be right there conveniently for you to shop at. They even have schools and daycares on post and will help you with the cost if you qualify. I know this because I grew up military. You probably won’t even have to work and can care for your son since it’s just the 3 of you. We were a family of 5 and never had to worry about anything financially. Emotionally it can be hard on a couple because you’ll have to deal with a long distance relationship but if you guys are willing to work together and have trust in your relationship, you have nothing to worry about. I personally don’t think you should stop him from pursuing his dreams. He may recent you for it later.

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The Military life is good your medical is good an the traveling is awesome im a better person my parents an married military personnel loved it lots we we retired felt lost

22

Husband is army ou son had Aspergers and adhd tricare covers everything for him even his equestrian thearpy with horses when my husband reinlisted he said he was doing it for us plus I wasn’t about to tell him no that is what he wanted out of high school his dream that also provided for our family is it hard sometimes yes but I’d never tell him not to go after his dreams :woman_shrugging:

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Military life isnt terrible.
I grew up an airforce brat.

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24

i mean, my SO was in the Army, we had our son and he decided he wanted to be a firefighter. he’s wanted to be a firefighter since he was a little kid, i obviously was hesitant at first but it pays SO WELL and it’s his dream. he’s been so happy to receive his red card, to make more money to help support our family, in all honesty… if you stand in the way of your husbands dream, he might just resent you for it. think of the benefits rather than the fears out of it. i was scared i’d get a call my SO was burned in a wildfire like a damn human burrito, but he’s never been happier being able to fulfill his dreams all while supporting his family at the same time.

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My ex-husband was in the Army for over 23 years. Your son’s medical will be covered. Being a military spouse was the best years of my life. My daughter is now 24 years old. She says she loved being an Army brat. I stil have so many lifelong friends I met thru our Army adventure. I still have tricare and Army privileges after our divorce. I would say yes go into the Air Force. You will have friends for life!!

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26

Military life isn’t bad.

His medical issues will be covered and you’ll get to travel.

Go for it :blue_heart:

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My dad was in the Air Force for 20 years and we moved 3 times when I was growing up. The first place we lived we were there for 6 years. The second place we were there for 9 and the only reason we moved in because my parents wanted to retire in the country. We have now been here for 14 years. So you wouldnt be moving that much honestly just depends on what assignments come up. Also Tricare is amazing when I turned 18 I had to pay what the insurance didnt since I moved out. And a hospital bill that was well over $30,000 costed me around $500. I also had to pay for my scripts and they were $3 didnt matter what the script was. I would talk to your husband about it more and talk to a recruiter for sure!

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You will be thankful when he puts in his 20 years. My husband is retired Army and we are blessed to have tricare for life. Made everything worth it.

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Raised in the army. I had a good childhood. We moved, but it was more like every three to four yrs. Medical was provided.

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Just remember kids are resilient… Your son will adapt very well and most bases have it an extremely successful school system I’m sure his speech therapy would not be an issue. If your husband’s dream is to join the air Force why do you feel like you get to stand in the way. Joining the military has a lot of great benefits for the individual as well as the spouses and the children. It is definitely something to consider. And if you live on base with him he wouldn’t be away for holidays. Only if he’s deployed.

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31

Sounds like he is thinking of your son first too, and you, and the country…then him last.

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32

I’m on your side. I wouldn’t want that life. But I’m a super home body and never want to leave my state. Not everybody is cut out for that life. Stay strong :heart:

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My dad was a marine. We moved every 3 years, the friends I’ve made, the ones like me, they stay with you. You can’t beat the experience. Whatever you decide, I hope you can both reach an understanding. You won’t be alone. Theres a lot of help out there for you.

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You won’t move every year. My dad did 26 years in the Air force. We moved every 4 years. You and your family get all the benefits while he is in. You can live on base, shop at the commissary, get medical benefits for you and your son, see the world etc.

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Stop being selfish.
It seems as if he’s thinking of the future, much respect regarding that. Let him do him.

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Reserves. Rarely move, Tricare will cover most of his therapies and security forces doesn’t leave to extended time (usually) so he won’t actually miss holidays. Boom. Solved.

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My son has had both OT and speech therapy thanks to the military insurance. Moving can be hard but honestly you kinda just get used to it. You make some awesome friends and my kids have gotten yo see so much of the USA that I never got to see as a kid. But its something for you both to decide.

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As a military wife…all of your sons medical needs will be taken care of fully and probably get access to all kinds of care that is often better. When my son had cancer with only a 6 month survival rate, he recieved amazing care and is now cancer free and is already 15 years past his timeframe given.

I will agree, this life isn’t forever. It is hard on a marriage. But depending on your mind set it can work and even make your relationship stronger. But it’s not for the faint of heart. It takes work and commitment. We had 4 kids in this life and they all survived and have great relationships with their father and uphold the up most respect for him.

In my opinion it is a very notable and honorable move your husband is making and I think you have the wrong notion about the life and opportunities this will give your family.

Talk to your husband. Talk to the recruiter. Be honest but be open minded as well

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39

Your post was full of “I wants” and “I don’t wants”. It’s not just about what you want or don’t want. If your husband want this and had decided to enlist, it wasn’t a decision made lightly. He’s right that your family will benefit from it. The insurance will cover your child’s therapies and you would more than likely be able to stay home with your child so you wouldn’t have to worry about work or childcare. Yes you’ll have to move, but it’s honestly not that bad. The Air Force is a lot better about being family friendly than any other branch. Talk to some air force families about their experiences. You may have to suck it up and come to terms with his decision. There are much worse things he could decide to do.

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40

I was an Airforce wife for 10 years. We had a 2 year old when he started and had 2 more children whilst he was enlisted.

I did not have to work, my husband made enough to where I could stay home and raise my babies.

I would never change it I missed my mom and dad terribly. But we went through 3 bases and I was able to be with him each time, he never deployed, but did take TDY.

Your son will not miss out on anything. If anything he will be proud of his dad, and enjoy the travel. It is a once in a lifetime experience, and if he only enlists for one term, 4 years absolutely fly by.

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Just to answer your concerns you listed.
Yes, you’ll be able to work. The child development centers are some of the best. With only state and federal background clearance aloud to work with your child, with video surveillance on while children are in the building.
Your sons needs would be met and more. Tri-Care is excellent when it comes to covering children’s needs. Occupational and physical therapy can also visit your child in the base daycare and school settings, depending on how you want to set it up.
Base changes and deployments happen. Not every year, and this is where it takes a strong spouse to support an active duty spouse during these transitions. Your new found military friends and family will.be of great emotional support during this time.
You’re not thinking about putting your son first. You’re scared and that’s okay. It’s a big step and it’s a life you don’t know anything about until you learn to live in it. If your husband wants to join and you agree, give it your best try. And if after his 4yr commitment is over and you discuss his re-enlistment you can both decide what is best for you as a family.

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42

I think joining the military is
a great way for him to support your family! Especially your son who will have healthcare. I would support him in this decision because imo the benefits are great. You can still get childcare or stay home with your son. My husband is military and it really isn’t as bad as you seem to think it is.

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43

My dad grew up in a military family and he loved the life experience he had growing up living in different countries. He has said that some times it was hard leaving friends but thanks to fb he has reconnected with some of them. Honestly think beyond yourself and give your child the opportunity to have what could be a amazing childhood.

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My husband joined the Air Force after we got married, he has been in 10 years now and it’s been good for us. We have 3 kids and it isn’t an easy life by any means, he has deployed multiple times and gone on multiple TDY’s. We have only moved one time during the 10 years that he has been in. There are so many resources that the military can offer you and your family that are positive. I never thought I’d function well in this life, but it was the best decision we ever made, it made our marriage stronger and we appreciate our time with each other and when we get to see family so much more.

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45

To be completely logical, the military is the best option for your son especially to be covered medically, dental, etc. you have so many benefits and would always recommend because that’s job security. I say let him, 4 year contract will fly by, if it doesn’t work out then you guys can go your own way and he’ll do the next 4 reserves or something (not sure how their contracts work)!

My daughter had a medical condition when born and the military covered it all and the total costs just for the medical bill when we left the the hospital was 997,000… that was just to bring her home for the first time.
Do it…

2 Likes
46

There’s a lot of benefits to joining the air force (assuming he can get in as they have some of the strictest requirements) and tbh there better be…he’s expected to die for his country at the military’s beckon call…but you’re right, you’d basically be a single parent while he’s on deployment…and heaven forbid he gets hurt and discharged, this country is not known for treating our veterans well…there’s more to think about than military benefits…I think you need to sit down together and work out a pro and con list and then make your decision

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47

My husband is in the air force and we have one daughter and a son on the way. My daughter has physical and occupational therapy and we pay nothing out of pocket for it. Just because he joins the Air Force does not mean that he will deploy often. It’s all based on jobs and what base he gets. I currently do not work because it’s just the better option for us and I’m happy I get the chance to stay home. With COVID going on right now we have been very fortunate not to go through hardships like many people have been going through. My husband has been on split shifts and still gets a pay check. He took leave this week and still will get a regular pay check. My husband has been in for 6 years and this is his 2nd base. We moved from the east coast to Alaska and will be moving again in 1.5 years but once again just because we are moving again does not mean everyone will move. My husband knows people who spent their whole military career at one base. If you do wanna work then there are day cares on base. My friends send their kids there and love it. My husband is talking about staying in for the whole 20 years and we decided no matter what he decides he wants to do we will always be open with each other. I hate Alaska and we were suppose to leave in 11 months but he wanted to extend to cross train. Before he started the paperwork for it he talked to me and we both agreed that is what was best for him and I’ll support him. If you have any concerns write down questions and when your husband goes and talks to them about joining have him ask

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48

Honestly my ex husband was military when my oldest was diagnosed with autism and we had in home aba and OT for years as well as the specialists he needed. I believe that due to all of the therapy he received early he is now high functioning so I am pro tricare. We didn’t move every year it was an option every 3 but sometimes you don’t move. My brother was at the same army base for 8 years.

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Do you think it’s a wise choice? Weigh your pros and cons and be realistic about it. Maybe just maybe your in laws can shed light on if he’s up for all that the military can offer mentally. The mental state is the most important not just tricare and the paycheck and housing allowance is important. Long term mental state…

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50

Why did your husband wait till married with child to decide to enlist?? Running away? Seems like it to me…my opinion

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51

I’m an Air Force wife. He is a c-130 loadmaster in the Reserves and if you don’t want him to be Active that’s a great option to look at. There are a lot of people joining the reserves out of BMT instead of going active. He has been with his civilian job for 21 years. Our healthcare is great. We’ve never paid out of pocket for both of my older girls therapies. The support is awesome. He has been in for over a decade (we’ve been married 8 years) and has deployed 3 times. We’ve been deployed with a 14 month old, a 3 year old and new born and this last go around a 6 year old, 3 year old and I was pregnant. It can be hard but spouses take care of each other. I’m a SAHM but thats by choice because we can afford it and we have an 8 week old. You aren’t selfish for not wanting him to join. It can be nerve racking and stressful. It’s also not a life for everyone but we love it. My girls are so proud of their Dad.

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52

My daughter currently is having her speech and occupational covered with no out of pocket charges to me. Tricare prime is on base coverage with no out of pocket coverages ever. You don’t move every year. 3/4 years is the average contract length and even then you can sometimes stay in the same place. Holding your husband back will cause him to resent you.

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53

My husband was in the Army for 20 plus years and we brought up 3 sons

54

It was the best thing he ever did. What is your fear instead of supporting him with what he wants to do. You are both in a team.

55

Just listen to all the positive inputs. The military is a great place. Most people only move every 4 years.

56

A man has to do what he"s got to do.in the last 5 yrs before my husband retired he has to work at night

57

By the way we have 4 children and they were fine and he was inn the US MarineCorp

58

So let your husband go!! He is a full grown ass man whom shouldn’t need your approval for a damn thing. Put your big girl panties on an get a job that you know will cover daycare. Let that man live his dream EVEN IF IT DOESNT INCLUDE YOU…

59

Its women like you that hold men back from making themselves better an more financially stable. If I was him I would walk out on your lazy ass an tell you to fucking figure shit on your own time to grow up

60

My husband served 10 years I was with him for his last 3 of shore duty. He gets lots of benefits. He found a really awesome job on base now. Still the same benefits. Its all up to you guys.

61

Military wife for 9 years. Best experience

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Most bases have free or low cost on site daycare, you also will be covered under his tri care as will your son which covers a lot of services so that won’t be an issue either. There is the option of doing reserves which beyond basic and school house training he would be home with yall. The pay varies based on what his MOS is. You live on base they do give you different benefits and usually they get extra pay for being married, having kids, living off Base, etc. Yes he will be gone but in some cases depending on where he is stationed or whatever, they’ll move yall. You just need to figure out what the pros and cons are. Chances are if his heart is set on this there isnt gonna be much you can do to stop him or convince him otherwise. Whatever you do, don’t become one of those “dear Jody’s”

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63

Air guard sounds like the option that would compromise for you both… the initial training for the job he picks is the same. 2 months of basic and then however long for that jobs training, but instead of being fulltime military, you go to the base just one weekend a month, and 2 weeks out of the year sometimes. Air national guard. Your state probably has it. And then you still get great benefits but also get your man (and child’s father) most of the time. Win win. I loved it. And miss it.

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64

My husband wanted to join the navy, for years he brought it up and I just dismissed it. Finally i said okay let’s try it, one contract and see how it goes. I’m not gonna say there havent been highs and lows. Because there have and there still so much to learn. But we are a year in now and my husband is thriving. He is so happy all the time. I think somtimes the best thing is to just try. Its gonna be hard but in the end it will all be worth it.

65

I think about the same. It’s very different if you have a child on the spectrum, which from what it is implied sounds like you do as well. If not that idk. But for us, having a child on the spectrum & taking that big of a step is much more different than having a child who fully understands with you rather than apart from you. Not having mom & dad may take a toll on your little one. But there also can be pros in the whole thing. Go with what you feel in your heart & gut is right. No one else can really speak for you when you have your own things going on in your life

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66

My husband mentioned it before we were married… years ago before kids. I told him if he wants to do that I understand a support but i also wont put my life on hold or live that lonely life. It sounds selfish but it’s just not what i want for myself. I put my life on hold a long time ago for a BOY who joined and proceeded to run around fucking everything in site across the world at his base etc. So never again. Not for me.

I wouldnt want the same for my kids either to be honest. And i wouldnt want my husband joining right now with the way the world is etc. Nah. I know more people that are just ecstatic when they are done with their 4 years than people who say yes I want to reenlist and do another 4.

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Sit down and write out pros and cons. Share them with your husband- being logical. Make him fully understand your side and listen to his. Military can be a great chance for some if they are driven and willing to make sacrifices. Be open minded.

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If you’re worried about your sons care then joining the military is a viable option. The healthcare is top notch including therapies.

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69

Tricare covers occupational therapy, my son had to do it as a toddler. And on post child development centers are actually pretty great. He won’t be gone every holiday either… Im no help because I was active duty (army though) :woman_shrugging:

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Guarenteed insurance, you’ll move usually every 3 years, at least that was my experience. It will cover therapies. Hes not gonna be gone every single holiday. My husband is gone more now as a government contractor than he was active duty army. Your husband can qualify for the GI bill which will pay for his education or can be passed to your children for their education. There are pros and cons but yes there are benefits

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71

I wouldn’t join shit right now with this new potential elected president going into office. Just saying

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72

I spent 20 years in the Air Force. Best decision I ever made. But yes, holidays are not a given. It won’t work if you don’t support him.

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73

That’s tough. Honestly, if it’s really not ok for you be honest. If he was already enlisted when you met that would be different but after you’ve made a family that seems like a reckless choice.

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74

Growing up in a military home, on base, I remember that there was always support from other families on base. Your son will actually have better access to the care he needs, and your cost will be next to nothing out of pocket. There are many benefits to the life, but there are also several cons. My advice would be to really research what this will mean for y’all over all, before you say no. You are not selfish, you are just being a mom.

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75

Id be hurt too. This is the kind of career you should be honest about before you have commitments like kids.
If hes adamant tell him hes to do all the research with you, childcare, housing, finances, medical etc. Hes said this and given you no comfort to how it will work for your family.
If he signs up without your knowledge id be so p**sed.

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That’s a LOT to think about. I am a veteran and I got out for my child. I didn’t want him moving around and for us to never have family close by. I also couldn’t do it as a single mom.

Tricare will fully cover you and your child(ren). On base daycares are (or at least were) on a sliding scale, making it affordable by rank. I always heard of duty stations being 3 years, which may depend on your job and branch of service.

I don’t know all the details, but I think you could really benefit going in to talk to a recruiter. Granted, they will say what they need to say to keep a contract, but there are some good ones out there.

Don’t feel selfish. You’re worried about your family as a whole! There are a lot of benefits given to military and their dependents but it also TAKES a lot. Keep fighting for your family, just remember that it sounds like your hubby is also fighting for his family.

Good luck.

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AF is not a bad life. You do move every few years, but you do have excellent benefits, and that includes childcare on base. You meet a lot of really great people, and get to see a lot different things. Financially, you won’t get rich, but you will have enough. The medical care is basically free.

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My husband did, and yes it’s hard. But my kids get the medical and special needs care they need at no cost to me. He’s trying to give y’all a better life and you can stay at bases for a while we have been stationed at one base almost 5 years

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My dad is retired AF and I loved it. Your husband enlisting will be whatever you make it. Meaning…if you expect it to be a bad experience you will seek out the negative. Is it all sunshine and rainbows? No. But neither is anything else. There are a lot of benefits to being in the military but it does come with sacrifices. I am proud to have grown up with my father being in the military.

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My ex husband enlisted in the army a year or two ago and it affected our daughter badly, even now that he is somewhat home its still hard on her. Be honest with your husband and tell him how you feel, your concerns. Best of luch

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As a military brat I can tell you I experienced so much in life moving around and couldn’t imagine not seeing the world. Moving is not always bad. Plus they have stable pay and benefits.

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Honestly I would support him… I’m a Navy wife and I’m not going to tell you it doesn’t suck at times because it does!! My husband was in when i met him and our first move together was to California… I was terrified because I’ve never left my life and family in FL but we had a child together and I knew he was the one for me so i followed! We lived in Cali 3 years and only had each other… I haven’t worked since we left Fl and stayed home with our son who ended up having speech delay, language disorder, heart condition, and epilepsy!! He didn’t go anywhere that 3 years on deployments because it was his shore duty rotation ( Navy is a lot diff from air force ) now that we have left Cali I’m back home in FL with fam while he’s been overseas 1 year 4 months and counting thanks to covid 19!! But what i can tell you is… I have come out of my shell to enjoy new places we move to… We will move about every 3 to 4 years but if you’re truly in love with him you will blossom into a strong, happy, healthy couple!! We had our 2nd son in Cali and are now waiting for his next orders… I honestly don’t know what we would do without him being Navy and having health care for our entire family, housing or rent money to live off base, and if he makes it to retirement health care and a check for life! Yes the times he’s gone sucks but it also makes you stronger! The times you move you get to explore something new and most times amazing! Not to mention he’s a hero fighting for his country and family!! I take great pride in my husband and I’m beyond proud of him and the sacrifices he’s making! This life isn’t easy but it is fruitful! I pray for you and your family!! God bless

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I’m a military child. I FIRMLY believe the reason I am outgoing, easily adaptable to situations and genuinely curious about life is because my parents uprooted us every 3 years. We were very lucky and got to experience life outside of the US and it was the best experience of my life. It was tough for me while i was growing up, but made me a better adult. I also have respect for rules and structure which I believe is directly because of living on base in a military home. The benefits of a military lifestyle (for parents and child) far outweigh the cons. By a long shot. If you adjust, if you make an effort, your son wont feel the negative side effects as bad. Put yourself out there, be open minded. Give it a shot. If y’all decide that lifestyle isn’t for you, your husband can always get out. It’s easier to try it and decide it’s not for you rather than regret never trying it at all.

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My husband is a 30 year retired Master Chief in the Navy and my son-in-law is 10 year AF and still serving. There are pros and cons to the military life. Yes, there will be deployments and moves but you’ll also make friends that will be like family sometimes even better than family. But, know that it’s not for everyone, some spouses have a really difficult time and struggle and then some adapt and love the military life.

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Ok. I come from military family and also joined the AF myself got medical discharge but it was definitely hard the first few yrs us being moved around I would be in one state behind in school the next state ahead once I was 8 my stepdad went Guard and I was able to have a normal childhood. Honestly it’s all I’ve known my stepdad was in for 31yrs I’m 33 and my dad was in Army almost 28yrs I believe but it was best decision they made for us. I’m so glad I was able to have a great childhood even with the moving I honestly think had the military not been apart of our lives things might have turned out differently for us all and not in a good way. Hope that helps :slightly_smiling_face:

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I understand both sides for sure but in the long run family is all that matters and you can’t get that time back once its gone. Some people can handle the distance because of what comes with it but idk girl. At the end of the day your husband is his own person and will do whatever he wants to do and it’s your job to support him and his dreams so he can be happy but after doing your research have a sit down with him weigh out the pros and cons tell him how you feel and why and hopefully that will help you to at least find a middle together.

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Does he plan to just do the initial enlistment and commitments that come with it or does he want to make a career out of it? If it’s just the initial enlistment you should support him. You don’t have to move with him if it’s stability you’re wanting for your son but there will be sacrifices you will all have to make.

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I’m gonna sound dumb, but He can always do something that doesn’t put him combat right? Like computer tech or something. :grimacing: I mean if that’s what your worried about. But support you husband, you’re not being selfish you are being protective of your family.

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Encourage him to find something stable near home. The military promises a lot of BS!

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My son is in Air Force, 4 years now and just re-enlisted for another 4. Has been stationed in Nevada and hasn’t moved once, except for basic training in the beginning. I applaud your husband. Great career, great benefits plus being a hero.

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I’ve been with my fiance for the past three years and we had our first baby together back last summer while he was deployed. Hes been in the national guard for 13 years and tho I hate when he leaves I wouldn’t trade this military life for nothing

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Your husband wants to go fight the bad guys in their own back yard so that your son is safe to play in yours. Be supportive. God will make it work.

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If your uncomfortable in anyway you should try to go into a recruiter and talk with them.

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If you were thinking about your son you wouldn’t be thinking about yourself.
Read that again.

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So… as a female veteran, I can tell you that most families in the military are only moved around every 5/6 years. His first enlistment might only be 3 years, depending.

You guys would have all the medical support you need for your son. There are benefits for all of you… however, there will be stints of separation.

The military bases have the best child care centers one could ask for. I have used them for my kids and both of us were active duty. It is definitely a lifestyle change, but they offer lots of support. Family readiness groups and briefings for both of you for all major changes. You might meet friends that can become like family as well as seeing different places, for instance overseas. At least for the time being. He would get education benefits… etc…

You sound young and dependent. To stop someone from doing something they want to do is selfish. He might grow to resent you later. There are a lot of pros and cons.

And don’t feel bad to feel how you feel. It’s normal to a large degree. Any major change is nerve racking. To join and not to join.

Guess what, face this test/ adventure with all the positive faith you can muster, because throughout your life, you will be faced with tests snd challenges regardless. Pray about it, speak about it and weigh things out together.
If you guys can team up and make it through the first enlistment, you can make it through anything. Seriously. You will both grow and shed and grow into your wiser selves through out your lifetime. Everyone does.

However, everyone’s situation is a little different. Best wishes either way.

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You’re not selfish. Please don’t apologize. You’re a Mom :heartpulse:

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Your son will have everything he needs if your husband joins. You will adapt and so will he. Yeah the moving will be hard but you will adapt to it and get to travel the world.

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You can get a lot of benefits thru the AF.

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You both will be fine.

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Your son will get the best care ever because of his benefits.

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