Y’all, I am not ready for this argument with my fiancé later. He wants to go visit his great grandmother that he always disliked and never got along with on Sunday. That’s all fine and well, but she’s in a nursing home. With this pandemic going on and it being cold/flu season… I’d really rather not bring my family (which includes our 2-year-old son and almost one-year-old daughter) to a breeding ground for diseases. Not only that but last month, my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer, putting her in the high-risk category for any sort of infection. She hasn’t seen my kids (who LOVE her) in almost a month since before he last chemo treatment. We are supposed to be visiting her and my grandmother on Sunday as well, but in the afternoon as he wants to visit his great grandmother in the morning. He’s at work right now, so I just sent him a message saying that if he still wants to visit her, it will have to be after we see my mother. We can’t risk exposing her to something just because he wants to introduce our children to this horrible woman he’s had nothing good to say about, just because she’s on her last legs. Does that make me sound inconsiderate? I just feel like he’s going to make it an argument because he thinks my mom is overdramatic.
Maybe split it up. You go see your mom with the kids and he goes and sees his grandma while you’re with your Mom.
Can you even visit? Most people I know are doing window visits they aren’t allowed in. The nursing homes don’t want random people in there neither
I would say, I could think of a lot worse words to call you than inconsiderate …
I agree with Tia an Michele
The nursing homes around here won’t allow anyone under 18 to visit, not to mention that you must make an appointment for the visit. Besides that, you are being perfectly reasonable in not wanting to put your mother and children at risk.
I work in a nursing home/assisted living, and it is far from a breeding ground. It is more strict there, than anywhere else. You have to make an appointment to be seen, ahead of time, it is outside 6ft apart unless you have further training then can be inside for 1 hr. Everyone has to wear a mask, have temps taken prior and maintain 6 ft distance. And if you can have kids or more than 1 person with, you are only allowed an outdoor visit.
And honestly why do you think a nursing home is a breeding ground for diseases? They have been on real lock down . Do you know how happy she would be to see all of you?!! You sound very selfish …there are a ton of precautions you can take . You don’t know how many days she has left!
Maybe before you lose your mind over it you kind of find out what is allowed to happen at the nursing home and what isn’t.
Yes, you are inconsiderate AND selfish
You see your mom and let him see his grandmother. Chances are he will have to stay outside for the visit
Take that visit. You have no idea how important that would be to them both. I work Long Term Care. My residents miss their family so much. They can now see them outside for 30 minutes at a time. Still 6ft apart. And masks on. Believe me they both need this. Take from someone who has been watching my residents decline because of lockdown. It’s heartbreaking.
You’re more likely to take it into the facility.
We’re I’m at all nursing home are on lock down no visitors in or out the doors are locked the only people that can get in is the Workers Iv not seen my Grandma Sence COVID started bucse it’s been on lock down and will stay that way untill it settles down here or gone so with that said I’d love to go see her but I caint and you got to put yourself in his shoes to it’s not all one sided ina realshipe but good luck
All I can say is if my husband tried this on me… it wouldn’t go over well. You sound very childish, inconsiderate and selfish. You have no clue how long his great grandmother has left on this earth. Why take away what could be the last time he sees or talks to her?
Soooooo you’re concerned with exposing your mother but not worried about exposing his great grandmother? They’re both considered high risk. Even if he doesn’t have anything nice to say about her she’s still his great grandmother. Maybe he wants to visit her before she passes and he feels like that is going to happen soon. She clearly means something to him if he wants to see her so bad. Be supportive like he is for you in going to visit your mother and grandmother. His family and his feelings matter too.
Find out the stipulations of the nursing home… they may not even let your kids in hc of everything going on so it may be a fight that does not even have to happen…bf my grandmother passed away they told us we could see her from the window and my daughter is 15 and they wouldn’t let her in…they may both need closure on something and this is there way of getting it bf something happens to her
Go to her window and just visit thru that, call the nursing home and have them put the phone on speaker phone so you guys can talk, I work in an nursing home, we are still 6 ft across from everyone if they visit anyway!
Absolutely do NOT take your babies to a nursing home! Worst idea ever. I don’t know where you live, but in my state, nursing homes allow only 1 visitor right now anyway. Don’t take babies with vulnerable immune systems to a breeding ground of infection!
The nursing home i used to work at has just started allowing visitors and they have been covid free this entire time. If you don’t want to go then you don’t have to plain and simple. I was not able to see my pappy when he went to a nursing nor was i able to travel in for the funeral
Thinks you’re mom is overdramatic? Your mom has breast cancer, if he thinks that he’s an asshole.
You don’t care for the grandma so it’s not important for you to see her… I bet if it was your mother in the nursing home you wouldn’t say the same thing as you’re saying about the grandma
Mask your family up, use hand sanitizer and go visit his great grandmother. Geez… she must not have been THAT bad if he’s attempting to visit AND wants her to meet his children. I go to work every day and come home to my kids. We must continue to live life while taking the necessary precautions. 
Damm, you’re a jerk!..just stay home and let him go…and try being considerate of others, you sound cold af…
Put your kids in a stroller with their mask on. Y’all keep y’all mask on of course and don’t stay long. Be fair
I can’t believe how many people truly think that just because someone is family, it erases their toxicity or we just have to ignore it. YIKES. 
I work in a nursing home. We do not allow visits inside the building for any reason. If you do request a visit, it is outdoors, you must remain six feet apart, you must wear a mask (as well as the resident must wear a mask), there are screenings you have to go through 24 hours before the visit and when you arrive before we can even bring the resident outside. In skilled nursing facilities, there are TONS of precautions that have been taken (at least in Illinois). Because of these precautions, the building I work at still has not had a positive resident case (knock on wood it stays that way). Children under the age of 18 are also not allowed to be present during the visits in Illinois.
My father is also considered to be high risk for this (cancer, asthma, smoker, double ostomy, etc) so I do understand your concern with transmission completely. I also have a special needs child. Do I have concerns about catching this virus, absolutely, but bringing it home from the facility I work in is not my concern because I know what precautions and how proactive we have been since flu season last year. We have been diligent about it ever since. Honestly, you’re more likely to contract it at the grocery store than him picking it up at an outdoor visit with his grandmother.
Not sure where you’re at, but all the places in my area are on lockdown and you can only come up to a closed window or do video chats 
I’d be more worried about bringing YOUR germs into a nursing home. Nursing homes arent breeding grounds for diseases they are just vulnerable weak immune systems so it’s actually better and safer for THEM that you dont go. Give your hubby that side, it’s more accurate and he will respond better to that than the side you’re giving.
Its more of a risk for the residents then it is for you! They are so diligent about preventions and restrictions but thats for their benefit not yours! Those residents mostly aren’t going out qnd about catching stuff. Its all about what the outsiders bring in. More risky to go to the supermarket believe me and I bet they go there…
Then don’t take them to see your mom who they COULD catch things from as well. FFS stop living in fear and let him say his good byes with his family at his said. How childish of you to said no when this could be his last chance to see her. I feel so so try for him.
Everyone is jumping on her but she didn’t say not to go or even to change the day she just wants to see the mom first… the mom is actively in treatment for cancer. Maybe she isn’t exactly educated on it all but she isn’t being crazy hateful or anything.
You guys need to just compromise here. If seeing your mom first makes you feel better about the situation then say that. Also don’t make it about yourself when talking about it. Say you think it’s best for the kids and your mother if they see her first.
Wow! I’m sure it won’t be long until he puts your hateful butt in a home! I’d visit and tell you to kiss my 
With her being in a nursing home she’s isolated to the building. Your family is more of a “breeding ground” than the nuraing home residents because she doesn’t go out in the community. I’d be surprised if the nursing home is even allowing handfuls of visitors at a time anyway. Especially minors.
They are not going to let both of you in anyway!!! Until things change, it will be awhile. He needs to go for the 2 of you at this time.
Let him go by himself. My moms in a nursing home and can only visit by appointment and only one person.
All nursing homes and assisted living facilities in New York require the meetings to be outside and everyone must be wearing masks. That said, it’s still his great grandma and he should be allowed to see her with his kids…
A lot of nursing homes are not allowing visits inside the building. They have to be outside, stay 6ft apart, all parties have to wear masks, get screenings done, no hugging, etc.
Just limit the visitors and have him facetime while he’s there.
U know what the elderly are suffering worst from than covid? Isolation. That will kill u alot faster. He should defintley go see his grandmother. Just stay home that’s where u want to be anyway.
Turn it around and see if you like it. No matter what. Stay he with the kids.
Leave the kids with soneone. Mask up and go see the poor woman. Wash hands
I would call the nursing home ahead of time. Some nursing homes still aren’t allowing visitors except during final goodbyes when the individual is passing away.
Not sure where you live but most places aren’t allowing visitors
Most nursing homes are locked down due to the pandemic. I’d do some ringing first before going there so it’s not a wasted trip
I work at a nursing home it’s the only company in our town that has not had any covid. We clean and protect ourselves and residents by not allowing indoor visits only outdoor and we r screened before our shifts call ahead and see about their policy most our still on lock down
Husband, fiance, what is he? Why can’t y’all just compromise a schedule?
so he cant visit his family because you want to visit your family hhhmmm sounds fair
Is it possible for him to visit his grandmother alone in the morning and then for you to visit your family in the afternoon, also alone and don’t bring the children to either visit? I understand people wanting to visit with the children but as they are so young they won’t have any idea what’s going on anyway. Both of you could go alone and bring photographs of the children to give to the grandparents. It’s minimizing the risk and making a compromise
“He always disliked her and never got along with her”.
Okay, and? It’s better late than never to make amends, or would you prefer your husband to suffer with the “what if” after she passes and the guilt that he never attempted to reconcile?
Don’t be biased towards your family only. If they can see your mother, they can see his great grandmother. 
Like some have said don’t be childish about it ask urself if u were him and he was u , would u like it if he said the same to u NO u wouldn’t so have some respect for him as well no reason why the visiting can’t happen the same day his visit is in the morning ur’s in the afternoon compromise so what if his grandma has a horrible side to her so does my grandma but I do make time to see her
The nursing homes in my area don’t allow visitors.
So he can go see your family but you can’t go see his ? Lol
hospitals are more of a breeding ground for diseases than a nursing home just sayin you just dont like the woman but she is dying and dying alone bc of the pandemic. Let him see his grandma it should be a fight because you sound very selfish and controlling.
Yeah, good luck with that. You will not get 2 ft in that place…especially with young children.
You all are rude af.
Ewh this was so ugly on your part, not sorry:yawning_face:
Nope do what u feel is right
I can’t believe how stupid you sound,illiterate type of thinking
So you can see your high risk family but he can’t see his? Selfish af.
I thought they had no visitors now no one allowed
Have him self quarantine for 15 days just to be cautious
Um if you’ve taken them outside of your home since the pandemic started then there isn’t anything different at a nursing home. The world is full of germs so unless you’re living in an air tight bubble and you yourself haven’t left your house and the kids haven’t either then you’ve been exposed to germs and bacteria already…
If she is on her last leg and the kids have never met her before I think that it should be a priority for them to meet her. They have already met your mom and she is recieving treatment so she will still be around to see the kids later on where as his grandmother may not be. Even if he disliked her people do change and even if they dont they still deserve a chance to see their family and meet new generations. If theres a possibility she could pass any time you should consider that first
Majority of them aren’t even allowing visitors. We haven’t since the end of March. And no one under the age of 18 is even allowed on the property right now!
Do you know they don’t care they just miss seeing there family & friends the normal conversation how would you feel being cut off from life there depressed &loosing hope daily my mom in non verbal & hates this & dies a little everyday idk what to do with all the rules my heart breaks 
Maybe just let the adults go and have someone watch the kids
Wear a mask and wash your hands and you should be fine
Just say, “That’s fine. We can visit your great grandma after the visit with my folks.”
I don’t know how it is there , but at ours we only allow out door visits. Only allow a certain amount of visitors they have to bring their own chair everyone must wear a mask be 6ft apart, and be screened beforehand as are all of the staff before our shift daily. We keep the facility cleaned continuously and are covid tested regularly and have had no cases in the facility. It seems like a hospital would be alot more at risk than the nursing home especially since that’s a place sick people Go To. Sounds pretty selfish to me, how can they see your family but not his? If you’re that concerned then don’t go let him go himself. You don’t know how sad and lonely these residents can be and with most facilities being on lock down they would give anything just to see a relative even if that means no touching being masked and 6ft apart.
Most nursing homes aren’t allowing visitors yet
So sad that it’s more important to live in fear than hug a loved one!!!
Honestly you sound really selfish to me. And my marriage I have seen five of my husband family members pass away. It is hard on the husband every time one of them passes away. I know we are in covid-19 pandemic but honestly a nursing home is not a breeding ground for diseases my mother worked in a nursing home most of my life and then worked at a hospital other most part of my life a hospital which my children have been born in. And yes she works at this hospital during this pandemic. My husband would never go for me telling him he was not allowed to take our child to see somebody dying in a nursing home even if it was a family member they didn’t really care about. My husband is a grown man and that’s the way he sees that and he lets me know and I let him know on my n I’m a grown woman I’ll do what I want will guess what he’s a grown man he’ll do what he wants with our children. When you have a child with a man that child is just as much his as it is yours this is exactly what I told somebody yesterday. You can’t keep your old man from taking his children to see somebody. honestly I would rather see the dying woman in the nursing home rather than seeing somebody with cancer and taking a risk of getting them sick. I mean I can see both ways. you know breast cancer is not just the only thing I have a husband with an aneurysm in the main artery of his heart okay they watched it aneurysm very closely if it pops my husband dies okay a very scary thought to live your life with okay so I wake up every morning knowing my husband has this aneurysm in the main artery of his heart that they watch so it doesn’t pop he has high blood pressure is high cholesterol he has heart disease breathing problems I mean my goodness. And my husband and I still go to work we still go pay bills is still go to the grocery store and we still live our daily lives like we did before the pandemic and be honest with you. I’ve only worn my mask maybe 10 times through this whole pint in it. In fact where I live everything is going to phase 3 where everything is fixing to be open to full capacity everything all the gyms are going to be open all the bars are going to be open of course the beach is open but I mean you’ve got to think about what you just said your own fiance can’t take the children to go see somebody dying in a nursing home. Sounds pretty selfish to me and I’ve kind of read that comment a lot through here. and before I close my comment I had a brother-in-law who lives with me on his deathbed my daughter and everything got to see this man die in my home.it is not a pretty picture taking care of a dying person who cannot use the bathroom or feed theirselves or anyting please keep that in mind.my husband took care of his dying brother he didn’t even get to see his mother before she passed away in North Carolina because she lived in North Carolina and his brother who also died in North Carolina nobody in Florida got to see you because they lived in North Carolina I mean you can’t deny your family of a dying family member that is so damn selfish
I work in a senior living community and I understand your concern with it. I live in AZ so we’ve been open to visitors since mid August ish. We have to wear masks and gloves at all times (including able residents excluding memory care) sanitize constantly, and even with the independent living residents leaving for their own groceries, doctor appointments, family visits, we haven’t had an outbreak in or around our building. I think it would be one of the safest places to be in / visit because given the high risk covid has on the elderly, they should be taking higher precautions. If she’s really that toxic idk that it’s worth seeing her, but at the same time if she’s due to pass away, what does it matter? I understand your mother is also at higher risk but like I said any senior living residency is going to be ( or definitely SHOULD be) an extremely low risk covid virus breeding ground.
I’m sure that it would suit him just fine to visit her without you 
They should be more worried about you all coming into the facility & bringing something in to them… They have been on lock down & out of the public way longer than you!!!
Shouldn’t go see anybody high risk unless it is a window visit.
Do you take your kids to the store, Dr. Office, other people’s houses? Those are all worse than the nursing home.
Germs or not it’s the attitude for me 
I hope you reread your question and somewhere within your heart and soul you realize how selfish and me me me you sound.
How about everyone stay home…and not expose themselves or others to anything
Absolutely dont go. As a person going thru chemo. I’m told do not have contact with anyone that is sick especially do not visit nursing homes per dr orders.
I honestly can’t believe some of these comments. Imagine your mum was receiving treatment for cancer, can you imagine the stress this poor mum is under. Especially reading a comment comparing a dying elderly women having it worse than someone having cancer. Do you know their life. What if the treatment is compromised. Of course she will be concerned by this whole situation. Be kind. Why can’t people just treat people how they wish to be treated
You definitely sound inconsiderate and selfish, a bit dramatic too. Go visit you’re mom first if you are worried. Honestly you and the kids are probably more of a risk than his grandma is. Take precautions, be safe. Also think about how you sound from an outside perspective, because I am feeling bad for you’re husband.
Nope I agree with you
Going threw the same situation but its my gma. She hasnt had nothing to so with me or my kids for 17 yrs now that she is on her deathbed and wants to see me. I said no. She hasn’t wanted anything to do with me or my family for the past 17 years, so now she is on her deathbed and she wants to see me. I said no. So she can apologize for how she treated me and my family so she feels better. She’ll be lucky if i go to her funeral
You know the risks for nursing homes is they’re scared that visitors are going to infect the patients with covid 19, right?
Selfish is what you are.
Lol I may talk shif on people but grandparents are grandparents.
So is he your husband or fiance?
They should be worried about you and your germy kids going in there. You sound like a snot
You all seem to be defending an old bat that you don’t even know
Is she mobile? Why not see if she can leave for an hour or so and he can take her to somewhere close by like a park where u can meet him there w the kids so u can both be happy. The kids meet the grandma and they don’t have to go to nursing home
The older folks are much more worried about you and yours, they are much more susceptible to illness and death than your lot. I speak this because I am a care giver in an elderly apartment building. That being said, if you do not feel comfortable taking your children there, don’t. It’s scary times and anxiety is not your friend lol. Let him go alone, send him with pictures of the children. That’s my best bet. Also if your mother is ill, do not visit her, again she is also much more if not more susceptible to illness than the average Joe. Gotta pick your battles.
Most facilities are only doing window visits or outdoor, 6ft, mask on visits. You’re getting all worked up over nothing. If you’re that concerned, go see your family first
You so not have to get to worried I really hav not been able to go in side to see my daughter since Mar 12. I go amd stand at her window mmost do not hav visitors yet we can jav a 15 min visit outside if weather permits it. So thkabout it
Stay home then 
let’s say she dies the day after… and he stayed home to appease you… how would you feel? Don’t be petty… stay home and let him goooooo
How about you stay with your kids and let him go see his grandmother.
And if you’re mother is sick and receiving chemo, you should probably keep your distance if she is immuno compromised.
I think they should make sure the nursing home is allowing visitors. My mom is in a nursing home that’s onlockdoen because 3 employers tested positive for covid.