My husband was talking to his ex: Thoughts?

I caught my husband speaking to one of his exes, and I honestly don’t know how to feel. She has always been obsessed with him. Their messages were not sexual or anything, but I still don’t know how to feel about this whole situation. They do not have kids together, and I am pregnant with our first. Am I overreacting? I haven’t said anything to him just yet and don’t know if I am going too. I guess I just needed to vent

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I would bring it up with him. If you are not ok with it let him know

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Unacceptable in my book. There must be something there for them to be sneaking and talking.

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Who sent the first message? Him or her?

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Talk to your boyfriend how you feel and your concerns. Remaining silent gives permission for him to continue with his ex!!

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If he did no wrong darlin I’d let him know it bothers you for sure

You should definitely talk to him. Let him know how you feel. If they don’t have children together there is absolutely no reason to still be in contact.

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He comes home to YOU and as you stated, it wasn’t sexual.

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I talk to a lot of my ex’s. But I build relationships on friendships before they turn into relationships. I’ve dated some people that don’t like I talk to my ex’s and I don’t have time or tolerance for jealousy in a relationship. I’ve never cheated and I never will. If my partner can’t trust me; there’s no relationship there anyway.

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Unacceptable. If yall are in a sincere relationship then he should have no reason to be sneaking behind your back talking to trolls. I would Express your concerns and tell him that it’s not okay and you aren’t comfortable with the idea and then If it happens again that’s where I would draw the line.

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Cut that shit off right now before it escalates. If there are no ties between them like kids then there’s no need for communication. Relationships are tested when a baby comes along n can put strain on ur situation. U dont want him turning to her when things get hard

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I talk to several of my exes on a friend basis. My other half and I have been together 12 years next year not married by choice. With 3 children. If it’s a case of “snooping” to find something. I’d question why you felt the need to do that. If he’s given reason for concern I’d confront him but if not why break a trust barrier?

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Talk to him. What’s the point of holding it in? You’re pregnant and don’t need any stress factors.

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What isit about them having contact that bothers you? I speak to my ex as we have been friends for 15+ years. We didnt work out so we are now happy to just talk normally. Theres nothing more to it and theres nothing between us. I respect him as a person.

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Definitely unacceptable for me, if I were in this situation I’d leave. Absolutely no reason for my man to talk to any of his ex’s :upside_down_face:

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Mans point of view here. You have to bring it up to him. I would definitely try not to overreact about it and turn it into a huge fight. I also can tell you that for the sake of your relationship whether he realizes it or not it is best they stop talking. I would really have a heart to heart conversation about your relationship and having a child together. What I would not do is make threats or ultimatums that will just push him away.

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Depends on the kind of relationship you have. Some don’t allow that, some do. I’m amazed none of you discussed this. Exes should always be a discussion in relationships

People are allowed to have friends of the opposite sex . You said there was nothing sexual in the messages . And why are you snooping through his phone to begin with ?? I’m not trying to come across as a bitch but if you don’t trust him enough to the point you have to go through his phone , you may want to sit down and have an honest conversation.

If there just friends than in wouldn’t trip

Voice your opinion. I’ve been in the same situation. It’s the worst feeling ever! Indescribable

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ok devils advocate, is it possible they are just close friends. Having history with someone can give people a lifeline when they feel that everything in their life isn’t perfect. I used to talk to my ex with my hubbys permission or blessing of course, but just because he understood me well. Later on, after he passed, i reread our messages and realized that he maybe had a thing for me still, but because I was so into my hubb, I never took the bait. I just cherished the friendship.

I have two ex-boyfriends. One of them I will see occasionally, and used to occasionally text. The other one, we have called each other, texted, and even seen each other briefly when he has been in town. He was actually the dj for my husband and my wedding. One ex is married, the other is engaged. And the know the women they are with. So, in my situation, I see nothing wrong. My husband knows I have made contact with them sometimes, because I will tell him I saw them or I talked with them or whatever. My husband and I have 4 kids together (and neither of us have kids from other relationships). We have been married almost 13 years.

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I wouldn’t worry they are an ex for a reason

You stated you are pregnant, right!?
Your hormones are going crazy! Making you second guess thing. Talk to your man, be honest, tell him. Don’t demand him to stop, listen to him, he may feel like things are changing & your not putting the same effort into your relationship.

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I think it really depends on which direction the conversation was going. I would be upset if my husband didn’t tell me that he spoke to his ex. More than him actually talking to her one of them. I’ve definitely had moments where I’ve been stuck in my head and wanted to reach out to one of mine to ask them why things happen the way they did. But I would never befriend one of them ever. I usually keep them all blocked period in our relationship there’s no room for past relationships.

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Sometimes ex’s stay friend but express your feelings to your boyfriend. Maybe meet her and just see how everyone acts

Honestly , I would wait to say anything and see what else is said. If he incriminates himself or they end up deleted, say something. Or wait for him to tell you himself. Either way, exes are a no no. My opinion :woman_shrugging:

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Has he broken your trust? Was he hiding it from you? I’m friends with almost all of my exes. Mostly I was friends with them prior to dating.

Honestly idc idc . My man WOULD NEVER. Be talking to an EX. A WOMAN HE HAS FUCKED . That’s highly disrespectful!
.
Idc if he is her only support system, go cry to your diary! That’s disrespectful IN MY EYES ANYWAYS

Ive bine through this same situation I found out my husband was communicating with his ex …its hard but learning to openly communicate even if it hurt my feelings…and just basically telling my husband too not waste my time if he was stuck on his ex to go be with her nd let me be happy with someone else and put a stop to it either he gets right or I’ll leave him…since our situation happen which was 1 year ago…we have gained back trust and he has shown me change.

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Try not to overreact. He sounds like he like the ladies. Just talking is one thing. In my world, if I can’t trust him, he,s not worth it but too many times it sets off suspicions. My 2nd husband learned that the hard way when he crossed a line.

If it bothers you then you definitely need to talk to him about it

I would be uncomfortable with this situation, especially since you’re pregnant! I don’t see any reason for them to keep in touch.

The messages wasn’t sexual or anything and as long as their not planning on meeting, don’t say nothing to him, be the wife you want to be, have him by your side having his baby, stress isn’t worth your baby’s health, if it stays nothing, you have a man worth having, I pray that’s what you find in him and congratulations on becoming a mama

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Say something! His response will tell you a lot.

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Roller girl you need to confront him get it over with

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In my experience it has only ever been ok to ever contact an ex over shared children or deaths in the family. Other stuff just complicates relationships. If no shared children then the same applies, family news only if family was close to the ex.

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I’d be upset that he kept it from me, but I wouldn’t worry too much if they aren’t flirting or being sexual

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No kids no reason to talk to each other especially if he’s making a family with you. I’d just say what your doing is absolutely disrespectful to me as I’m the mother of your child. I’m very insecure I’d ask him to stop. That’s me though you definitely need to put thought in how you want to handle the whole situation.

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Honestly me and my SO have a mutual agreement… the past stays in the past… it’s the past for reason, why stir things up? Anyways hopefully it’s nothing for u to worry about… but it would definitely bother me if I was u

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I’ve messaged my ex boyfriend before. We were together for 4 years (high school) I still have memories of that friendship we had. We are both happily married, but I still like to catch up with him from time to time. If you trust him, don’t worry about it.

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My husband talks to his ex and so do I. Both have moved on and are happy with who they’re with. I’m even friends with his ex.

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I’m not usually the jealous type but I guess if it was a “hey how have you been?” Kind of conversation then I probably wouldn’t be too upset. As long as it didn’t go further than that.

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An ex is an ex… if no children are involved no reason to be involved with your ex if it was me I would feel disrespected not to mention I would feel like he’s making me look like a fool when you keep contact with an ex there’s always a possibility of something going wrong I don’t blame you for being concern especially being your pregnant he should not be doing that to you I would call him out on it good luck to you and your new baby to come God bless

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I’m friends with plenty of exs. But my hubby knows and doesn’t care

Satan has to much time on his hands, so many exes have messaged me since I’ve been married. It’s never good to look back, it’s just temptation or old memories. Nothing to go back to, they are exes for a reason. He should ignore an exes messages.

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I speak to my exes :woman_shrugging:t2: not all relationships end bad. Sometimes it’s just because people don’t mesh as more than friends

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How can you “catch’” someone not doing anything wrong?
There is no mention on you having any sort of agreement about not talking to exes or any mention about him even trying to be sneaky or hide it

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Im sorry but unless they were married and had kids together then there’s no need for them to stay in contact. They are EXs for a reason

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As long as they’re friends I don’t see the issue. My last ex & his past ex got along well while we were dating. Couple years later we became best friends even.

The only ex I have on FB or am even in contact with is gay and my partner still thinks he will try something I’m like he is no longer interested in females and the most we did was kiss (I was his first) and I’m really not interested. Talk to him about it explain how you feel and pregnancy hormones won’t be helping at all they really mess with everything.

If it wasn’t sexually or talking AB being with her don’t worry ab it like u said they have kids tg. Maybe they r trying to be friends for the sake of the kids

Caught him or invaded his privacy? He shouldn’t talk to his ex if he knows you’re uncomfortable with it. Your relationship and feelings should always be more important than talking to an ex, but without trust your doomed.

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I think (if yall havent already) yall need to sit down and talk about boundries and why they are inportant to each of you. If your not comfortable with it, he shouldnt be doing it! You dont need added stress while pregnant, it is not good for you or baby! Was he hiding it? Since you said cought, i figure he was! If thats the case then you need to go to counciling now before something unforgivable happens. In my experience, if you confront them and there is futher intintions (regardless of the fact if it has happend yet or not) usually they will just lie about it or make you feel like you are the bad one for overreacting or invading his privacy or not trusting him etc. However if nothing is going on or any futher intentions or feelings, then he should have no problem giving her up for your piece of mind

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Did he tell you they talked or did you find this out in your own? If it was kept from you, I’d say it’s weird.

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I would leave, once a cheater always a cheater.

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There’s no reason for a married man to still be talking to an ex, if he wants to do that he should be single because that’s just disrespectful to you and a smack in the face. Just because it’s not sexual, doesn’t mean it won’t turn into that. Talking to an ex can bring back memories of being with them, therefore feelings for them can come back. That’s temptation and he doesn’t need to be put in a position to be tempted, especially talking to his ex. He’s with you, married to you and y’all are about to have a baby. There’s no reason he needs to be communicating with her when he has you and is about to have a family. Definitely talk to him, because if you don’t it will always bother you and you deserve an explanation. Simple texting can always turn into something bigger. Remember that

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Did he lie about it?

If you haven’t discussed it with him, maybe do that before asking if how you feel is appropriate. Stable Relationships are built around shared and accepted expectations and boundaries. If you haven’t discussed that with your partner, nothing anyone could advise you of will mean anything for your situation.

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If you’re uncomfortable then you need to let him know that. Ain’t no ex about to be lingering around my husband. IDC how civil the split was. That’s a hard :speaking_head:NO!

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It’s probably a little of the hormones that are kicking in if you do speak to him walk on eggshells because they haven’t done anything wrong

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If the messages were a harmless “how have you been”, don’t get overexcited about it. All you’ll end up doing is pushing your husband away, stress yourself out, and stress your baby out.
It truly comes down to one question: Do you trust your husband?
It doesn’t matter whether you trust the ex or not. You’re not married to her.

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Sounds like you invaded his privavcy before you knew this… Doesn’t appear that you trust him at all. Talk to him about it, but don’t worry about it or stress, it sounds like nothing to me… If it is something take it from there.

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Chill out. As long as he isn’t doing anything he isn’t suppose to do. Leave it be.

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You won’t be able to know if your overreacting until you speak to him about it. We can’t pull out our Crystal balls to know what he and she are thinking.

I’m not friends with any of my ex’s, but it’s not by choice. All my breakups were either hostile or ultimate ended the friendship. If I were on good terms with my ex’s though, I know that my wife, personally, would not mind me talking to them. My wife won the face to my heart. No reason for me to go showing interest in 5th place runners

Sit down and ask him bluntly.

There is NO reason if there are NO kids involved for them to speak. He shouldnt have her number and if she has his then he should block her especially if she is obsessed. U dnt need this stress being pregnant.

And i guess he hasnt told you and you found out by snooping! So theres obviously trust issues!!!

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I am fb friends with both of my exes. Not a big deal. Nothing sexual. Lots of history. Some people can be adults !

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You mentioned you haven’t said anything yet to him?, Dose he know you know?. I would say something and talk about how you feel. Exs can be friends after a relationship when both parties are mature. I have an uncle who is good friends with his 1st wife, 2nd wife and they talk all the time. Some people are just better off as friends and not together. Dosent mean there is anything Sexual about it. I have friends who are exs and we have no kids together, I am also happy married with 4 kids. Same with my husband. But again it’s about trust and the maturity level of all involved.

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I was married to my husband for 33 years! I walked away for many, many reasons! We still talk, we still go out to eat together and still text. I would NEVER want to be married to him again, or be sexual, but I can handle some FRIENDLY communicatioN! we’ve been apart 6 years now. I see no reason why exes can not communicate. It’s when there’s touching that I see an issue. Pick your battles. Ask him nicely WHY he’s communicating but don’t be jealous until he shows a good reason for it, such as asking her for a sexual favor!

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All you insecure, bitter bitches. Jesus. Who hurt you?? Because if it wasn’t him, back tf up. And if it was him. Why are you still with him?? Grow a set and move on if you can’t let that shit go. But you don’t own your partner and they don’t own you. They owe you honesty and loyalty, but they don’t owe you friendships. Get over yourself. Y’all sound stupid and immature.
Talk to your man. Tell him why you’re concerned. If it’s because YOU have issues, then ask him to help you work through those issues, and if you have issues because of him, then you need to consider if this relationship is worth your sanity.

You should absolutely speak to him about it.

An ex is an ex for a reason get over it

Most of these women are setting themselves and their marriages up for failure.

When someone has an affair, they always say "We didn’t mean to, it just kinda happened ". Most people don’t plan affairs.

Protect your marriage. Relationships with ex’s are like playing with fire. It just isn’t smart.

Because my husband and I value our marriage, we make it a priority above ALL else. We practice the Billy Graham rule.

I wouldn’t like it he needs to leave her alone

Tricky one. Exes can absolutely be friends, with nothing inappropriate going on. You’re going to have to admit to snooping though (if that’s how you found out-and if you were snooping-why?)

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Why, " nicely" ? Ask Period!!! He’s not Nicely telling you He’s speakingto His X X is X Gone! WTF, Bunch of Morons being dissed!!

I was with my husband since I was 15, married at 19 divorced when 29 -30. Very good friends after that, still did his finances, he seldom saw our son though. We talked allot and met his girlfriends. I left with our son who was 3 then. He had someone in our home 2 months after we left. So I wouldn’t worry sometimes they (like me) just weren’t ready to marry. I was but my Ex wasn’t. His Ex causing issues with you? You mentioned that, being obsessed with your husband. Just ask what she contacted him for? OR were you snooping? If you did then you have doubts about your husband? You will have to admit that if you talk to him about it.

I wouldn’t like it either. I wouldn’t care what they talked about, if you’re willing to speak to someone that you know is still into you, that’s a huge red flag. Besides, you dont know what messages he might have deleted or hidden from you. I’d be careful if i were u.

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Not good , I’d definitely let him know how it makes you feel

That is not cool. No kids, no reason to talk to her. Huge, glaring, flashing, neon , RED FLAG!!!

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So you caught him hw didnt tell you that would he over

Nope. Wouldnt put up with it.

It really depends on the nature of the conversation. Sometimes relationships dont work, but friendships do. Sometimes relationships dont end with bad blood. It really just depends. Definitely tell him how you feel…but don’t overreact.

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No kids no reason to be on the talking

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My wife says “hell no. That better stop right now.”

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What would they need to talk about tho? Sexual or not, I wouldnt be okay with that
If it were my husband I would def confront him to find out. I would tell him fine then, if that’s the kind of relationship he wants, one where yall talk to exs then that’s kind yall can have but not to get mad when you do the same. Hes the one who wants that kinda relationship, so fair is fair, right??

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Say something heck I’d be pissed odd at mine but who the fuxk cares of my bf

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I think how I felt on this would be wildly dependent on the nature of the conversation. Also, he doesnt know you know? That begs the question of how do you know? Its innocent enough for him to leave laying around and not hiding it then I wouldnt be bothered, BUT I would inquire “why?” Sometimes when huge changes happen in our lives we tend to look in the rearview mirror.

If you express to him you do not like this and he doesnt take your feelings into consideration then yes, you have every right to be upset, but I wouldnt just be upset because of a plutonic conversation.

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That is so disrespectful towards you. Have a come to Jesus talk with him and make a decision.

Dont over react. They could just be friends. Talk to him about it. Be open, not accusing.

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If he’s keeping that from you, that’s weird. You should ask, it’s just going to eat at you.

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Did you have a reason to go snooping?

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I think the idea you couldnt possible be friends with an ex is silly. Sometimes people dont work out and they can acknowlege they dont “belong together” romanitcally but that doesnt mean one has to dislike the other! If he has never been unfaithful to you with her then I think it would be damaging to yalls relationship to let it bother you, especially since youve admitted to not even confronting him about it yet. People can not read our minds.

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I would just talk to him. I’m friends with one of my ex’s but simply because we came to the mutual agreement that we would work better as friends. It does happen but if it bothers you talk to him about it. In any relationship there has to be trust but it doesn’t hurt to voice your concerns and being pregnant can make things a little more emotional lol

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Totally unacceptable in my opinion! :disappointed_relieved::heart:

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My husband talks to his ex gf and other women. I don’t care. We are secure in our relationship. You have to decide if you can handle it.

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He should not be talking to his ex, unless it had to do with kids stuff if they had any between them or there were times I had to contact my ex to say I had not got my spousal support, usually I get it right away, but just texting for no reason, I would put a stop to it.

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First ask him why, what more is there to say? Second let him know you don’t appreciate it and that you’re pregnant. I have a really great rolling pin, I’ve had since 1971. Works wonders.

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I went through that. When I was young and want to be the so called good wife. Gave him space and wanted to show him I trusted him not matter what . I paid the price for that ! She’s interfering in your relationship and he should know better . Maybe there isn’t anything going on . But its disrespectful to you .

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