My husband was talking to his ex: Thoughts?

I’m a jealous person so I would have a problem with that.

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A successful marriage comes with open communication. Dont be afraid of those awkward conversations. They’ll make a healthy relationship stronger!. Try not to jump to any conclusions and give him the chance to be open and honest with you, and see where that leads you… :heart:

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Why not ask him why does he need to speak to her???

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Completely WRONG and UNACCEPTABLE.

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Wow shocked at the replies. For me a conversation with no flirting is friendship and you have your own issues if your worried about friendships with the opposite sex. You saw the messages and said your own observations. Us ladies dont like men to dictate what we do when we are being faithful and we as women like to have friends of many walks of life including men. I dont ever want to be so controlled I cant have opposite sex friendships, nor would I do that to my other half. I spoke to my ex for a long time as friends till he passed, sometimes friendship does overrule but overbearing controlling doesn’t have to overrule either. Did he show you the messages or is there a deeper issue here and you were snooping?

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Shut that shit down!

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Dont say anything untill you are CERTAIN there is something up. And dont stress either as it’s not healthy for the baby. (Yes its unacceptable of him especially if they dont have any kids together) HOWEVER DONT accuse untill there is something to accuse of bc they could just be friends and theres nothing wrong with that as long as they arent talking (sexually) to each other… so for “now” lay low and relax Other wise you’ll just look like a control freak and hell get angry and you’ll end up pushing him away and hurting your unborn baby with stress. I mean after all you are carrying his child hes not going anywhere. Put your worries aside (for now) but stay alert!

I would feel a certain way if it were me HOWEVER… You k how your man better then anyone. Do you honestly think you have anything to be worried about? I might feel a little jealous and/or irritated but I also know my man is loyal. Jealousy can be an ugly thing for all of us!!

I would ask him about it. I think you will get some clarification. Nothing good will come from stewing on it!!

Congratulations btw!!! :pregnant_woman::baby_bottle::baby:

I couldn’t care less, he is in my bed at night. If any one of them thinks they can take him away from me, I will give them a head start. I am not worried in the least. I love you Tommy Jones

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I would have a problem with it.

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What. Holly silvas said

Does he hide it from you?

I would totally call it a red flag, he is married to you and unless they work together in a business setting there is no reason to talk to an ex unless there is stringing along happening. If he isn’t hiding anything when you ask he will respond right away but if he hesitates whatsoever usually there is a hidden meaning for sure

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I would not like it. One should not even give an appearance of doing wrong. Its disrespectful. Its dis honoring. Have you talked to him and shared your concerns. Tell him it makes you uncomfortable. When ever one gets pregnant there is often fear. Which can make a person react indiscriminately.He could be feeling pressure and fear of the commitment. I would watch it very closely. Do not attack him or accuse him. Just share your concerns in a loving and respectful way. Ask him to share his feelings about this child. and listen to his concerns if he has any. Be mindful of your moods and how you interact with him. Its a delicate time for a man when you are pregnant.

I would wait a week or so and see if he mentions the conversation to u and if he doesn’t check his phone again which I’m assuming y have done and if the messages are still there then speak to him maybe hes just anxious about telling you because you will be like the rest of us women when we are pregnant and no doubt up to 1000 with everything I wouldn’t just assume hes keeping stuff from u etc he obviously is very special to you if you have married him so dont go jumping to the worst but definitely figure it out before theres a wee baby in the mix good luck x

This is why either side shot not talk to their exes

How would he react if you were speaking to an ex? Act like that!

If you’re not comfortable with him talking to her, You should talk to him and express how you feel about it, and if he is considering you and your feelings he’d stop talking to her and cut off communication with her.
My opinion is if there is no kids involved she needs to but out.

Honestly? Men are allowed to have female friends. Granted he shouldn’t hide these friendships!

It’s a two way street, trust him! He made that commitment to you, she didn’t!

If it bothers you though, even if it is 100% honest, talk to him about it.

If he’s not allowed to have any female friends though? You need to work on yourself at that point.

My husband has female friends, but I trust him. And guess what? He tells me everything and I have access to his phone if I wanted i never do, unless he asks me to reply to someone for him!

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I mean, was it a secret and you were snooping and found out or was he like beside you on the couch and you asked who it is and he said “its ___”?

the circumstances definitely matter lol if you already felt like he was doing something wrong and went snooping chances are super stupid high that he is doing something wrong :woman_shrugging:

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You haven’t said about their relationship, whether they where good friends for many years before etc.
I believe if you can’t openly tell your partner your talking to an ex then it’s wrong.

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Honestly leave him because he’s messaging his ex of all people the amount of disrespect is disgusting

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Has he been upfront with you that he talks to her honestly if he does not lie to you about it and there has been nothing sexual then give him the benefit of the doubt I still talked to my ex it’s ok to have friends I guess x

in my opinion and experience if a man talks or texts an ex thats xheating.its disrespectful to you ,what kind of a message does it send?? he’s available

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Maybe she messaged him and he just talked to her because she wasn’t being sexual and he didn’t want to be rude?? Are you married?

No offense but most women don’t just magically “stay obsessed with unavailable men” unless the men are doing something to keep their feelings fed. He’s probably leading her on (innocent shoulder to cry on thing) and he probably thinks it’s harmless, but I think it’s not usually the best idea to stay in contact with someone you used to sleep with. If he’s giving her attention he needs to stop. The end.

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Who filed for divorce? If she did then beware, if he did then he wanted out.

Talk, talk, talk. You two are having a child together, go talk to him. Plain and simple.

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never a good thing when exes talk

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Tell him how you feel. A female friend is totally different then an ex. There is absolutely no reason he should be talking to her in my opinion. My husband had the same issue when we first got together. She would call him complaining about some minor health problem and his excuse for talking to her was she was going through shit and needed someone. Well to make it worse he was laying naked in the bathtub on the phone with her while I was watching his son! Not her child btw. Now since I didn’t speak up she shows up for everything. His family has Christmas she is there. Thanksgiving she is there. Again they have no kids together. He has three kids with his ex wife and she don’t come to family stuff. Me and him have a daughter together now and I dont go to his family stuff anymore. All it took was one time going to the bathroom and coming back out to see her holding my daughter while laughing and joking with him. Call me jealous or crazy idc but aint no ex of his or any woman for that matter gonna play momma to my child while I’m still alive. Plus you know how painful it was to see that. I still cry to this day thinking about it and that was 3 years ago. Your feelings deserve to be respected and if he loves you he will understand that. Took my husband 5 years to realize it but these last two years have been great.

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Ask him how he feels about her. You can’t control how the ex feel about him. And since it was an honest conversation, she is healthy enough now to move forward. You have him and his child.

If my man talked to any of his ex’s… considering he wasn’t friends with them when we got together… He’d be packed up and sent to her :wave::wave::wave::wave:
YOUR PAST BELONGS IN THE PAST
Point blank period
This is how cheating situations happen when “it wasn’t planned, it just kinda happened, I still love her”
Nope. Nip it now or regret it for forever

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It is very possible to have a amicable divorce. I am still friends with my ex. Nothing says divorce translates to hate. I speak to her, do favors for her, and she is a good person. No reason to be jealous. Actually a good thing IMO.

Girl if it makes you uncomfortable tell him. I would be mad.

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Why the need to talk with each other? If there’s no kids, bills or other commitments, then I say bring it up!

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Depends on the conversation

How did you catch him? We’re you snooping? If so that’s going to come back on you negatively not him.

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Do what you want to do to find out the truth just ask him straight up whys he talking to his ex for and you want the truth no bullshit

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Tell him or pop him in the head so he’ll wake up from his stupidity :triumph:

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I would definitely say something, im not playing those type of games

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Ask him straight up…gather all evidence, cus they can delete it and present it.

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Umm, it is possible to remain friends with ex boyfriends. So be adult about it and talk it out.

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If you’re looking for something, you’re going to find it!

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Nope you are not. He has no business talking to her and she needs to go away real quick. I’m not sure what hint she is not getting? You’re pregnant with his child. Also why is he talking to her ?

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That’s totally disrespectful to you as the mother of his unborn child. Say something about it to him if he gets defensive it’s time to move on there is more going on then just messages.

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Tell him it makes you uncomfortable and that’s crossing a line for you.

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You need to say something. An let him know how it makes you feel. If he dont stop then he doesnt care about how it makes you feel

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What do you mean ‘caught him’? Did you discover messages and he doesn’t know you saw them? Either way, out of respect for you he shouldn’t talk to her if it makes you uncomfortable. Depending on how you found out it might make bringing it up a bigger issue.

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You either trust him or you don’t. And if you are really that uncomfortable about it, set a boundary and tell him.

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No kids, they have no reason to talk

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Ok so I got super paranoid and anxious while I was pregnant, and I think you may be feeling that way too. It really depends on the context of the conversation whether you should be upset. If it was neutral and innocent, then that’s probably all it was. People tend to delete all evidence of a conversation when they have bad intentions. But that brings me to my next point, how did you see the messages? If you were snooping and found it, that alone is gonna put a negative vibe in the conversation you try to have. So just be careful with how you proceed.

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We live in a small town. I’m still friends with most of my exes. In fact my husband is friends with several of them too. For us it’s just a part of normal life

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My husband still talks to his ex. She was the best man at our wedding, she and her bf come over often and we all hang out together. I guess if it’s not sexual and you trust him, it shouldn’t be an issue. I’m pregnant with our second.

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He should have brought it up first…then there would be no issue

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If they weren’t talking about anything bad… idk what the problem is? Men can talk to women and still be loyal to their S/Os.

If it makes you uncomfortable that he’s talking to her, then tell him your uncomfortable. But be prepared to explain how you know he’s talking to her.

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So? If their conversation (s) weren’t sexual, what’s the problem?

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I would not say a damn word! You wanna know what’s really going on, keep quiet and pay attention. If it is nothing or something you will know in a few extra days.

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Nope nope nope! He needs to drop her or u leave. This shit happe ed to me and ot caused nothing but DRAMA. I made him pick me or that dumb hoe. Were still together so put 2 and 2 together

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My thing is who texted who first and honestly I see it as lying if he didn’t tell you himself.

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Literally just went through this but only difference was I wasn’t pregnant…I disnt bring it up but watched and noticed how much he brought her up in convos…a bit later I find out from the bestie they were seeing each other on the side… he kept saying that he was the only one that she had blah blah blah…so I say…watch…listen…trust.the.gut.

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I find it very disrespectful, you should confront him!!

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Your HUSBAND still talking to exes…:clown_face::clown_face::clown_face::clown_face::clown_face::clown_face::clown_face:

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My heart goes out to you. This is a lot especially with the emotions being more intense while pregnant. :pray:t2: I wish you the best and confronting him about it is what’s best. It sounds like bad news all around and nothing good is going to come from them talking.

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I’m pretty, and would definitely make a big deal over it

All these replies saying a man can’t be on friendly terms with an ex are mind boggling. Obviously not every relationship ends in a way where people would want to stay in touch but there are plenty of relationships where people realize there’s not a good chemistry but they make decent friends.
If you’re that insecure at the very thought of your SO talking without flirting to someone they used to date, you need to look inward to yourselves and your relationships and figure out why that is.

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I’d be all up his ass. But that’s just my style.

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That would make me feel really disrespected and betrayed tbh. If it’s something making you uncomfortable, you need to say that and see how he responds.

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Remember your hormones are running amuck. Don’t ruin a good thing by being paranoid. There are definate signs if someone is even thinking of cheating.

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No sorry my man better not let me find out an ex or any woman has been messaging him with out him telling me about it immediately. I don’t care how innocent it is I better know about any and all communication between him and anyone of the opposite sex other than his blood relatives

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She’s an ex for a reason. I wouldn’t give it much thought. I speak to my ex all of the time but that doesn’t mean I want him. :wink:

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HMmmmm girl, I tell you what :clap: wish we could talk over tequila because I’m too crazy to comment on here :rofl: get back to me after you have that baby :clinking_glasses:

I still talk to my ex and my husband knows. It’s nothing sexual, we ended on great terms,and we still connect well as friends. I think it’s just one of those things that needs to be strictly open communication…

If he is talking to an ex behind you’re back… it’s an issue. PERIOD!!! If there was nothing to hide, he wouldn’t be hiding it.

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Nope. Tell the bitch to take a hike and tell your man…This shit better not happen again.

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How did you find out? Where you deliberately looking because you were already suspicious?

At first glance you could say a general conversation is innocent enough and nothing to worry about, Men and women can be friends, even if they’ve previously dated, But if he’s not telling you he’s still in contact with ex’s, I don’t know if I’d be ok with that, I feel like omission is the same as lying in that circumstance and I’d wager he’d be none to keen if the roles where reversed

I’d push you to be honest with him, Tell him you know, And tell him how you feel about it, calmly, Without being accusatory and no hysterics, His reaction should be enough to tell you what you want to know.

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My question is . why would she have his number in the first place . ex for a reason . That to me is disrespectful . and your bf should have not given her his number . if she’s in his dms .He should have cruved that shit on the first message . No kids . No contact. No excuses.

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How would he feel if the shoe were on the other foot??

I mean, if I have to go through my spouses phone I don’t trust him. And if I don’t trust him we don’t have a relationship… so was it an oops sort of thing where you picked up his phone to answer it for him or were you snooping? Because even in relationships you’re allowed to have your own privacy.

Obviously it’s bothering you. Bring it up. Or it’s going to fester and it’ll come out eventually and be 10x worse :woman_shrugging:t3:

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I was on friendly terms with my ex husband. We caught up on fb about 3yrs ago. My husband didn’t like it so I cut communication out of respect for my husband. My ex passed away last week and I wish we still kept pleasantries.
Point is not all communication is about an affair. A “Hru?” “How are things? Family?..etc. is innocent and friendly.
He should be open about the content of their conversations with you if you should ask. It’s up to you to tell him what you’re comfortable level is and he should respect it.

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Say something, this ain’t Blues Clues, you will harbor negative feelings and resentment and he’ll be out here trying to figure out what’s up. If you don’t nip it in the bud now, it may be too late later. It doesn’t have to be an argument, just state that you know he’s been talking to her and you aren’t comfortable with it so it needs to stop. Ask him how he would feel if the tables were turned? Ask him if your child was a girl, how he would feel if someone treated her that way and did questionable things behind her back. He will say it’s innocent and that they’re just friends or he needed someone to talk to. Tell him if he has to turn to another woman, then perhaps he made the wrong choice by marrying you and starting a family with you. Forsaking all others is part of marriage and if he can’t do that, then he shouldn’t have made those vows. Let her know, you know. Some states have a homewrecker law, see if your state does, then let her know you will press charges if she tries to break up your family. Or just stomp her ass after you have the baby, I would probably just do that…

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I talk to all of my exes. My husband talks to all of his exes. Hell. I talk to his exes too. All of the time. Even made dinner and tea for one of his exes. Because she’s super nice. Guess between my husband and I— we just aren’t jealous. At all. Ever. And we trust each other and there’s never any doubt. There are women at his job that stare at him and flirt because he’s English and they can’t get over his accent. And he tells me. And I laugh. :woman_shrugging:t2: If you know your husband and you trust him, it shouldn’t even have to be a question… I hear stories about his coworkers and how he hears them arguing all of the time over things like this and he comes home and just says, “thank you. You’re the best wife ever. You’re not judgemental, jealous, crazy, or uptight like most women.” And I used to shrug it off. Because I thought it was normal. But the more I see these posts and the comments… I’m definitely a small percentage of women who don’t overthink or over react to situations like this. I think sometimes when people are together, people assume your partner or spouse belongs to you and that y’all become this one entity and that’s the end of it. “He better tell me immediately about who he talks to.” Shit like that is toxic behaviour. Acting like they’re children. But that isn’t how it’s supposed to be. Y’all are still both two very separate individuals with friends, likes and dislikes, hobbies etc. Like, ya know you don’t have to be up each others butts all of the time and assume the worst in one another. :woman_facepalming:

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I think it’s totally okay for people to be friends with their exes but that they should be honest about it

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Mutual respect gets you so far a relationship!:heart:

Maybe tell him it hurts you and that you need reassurance that you guys are ok

My best guy friend is an ex and he was the “Man of Honor” in my wedding. My husband is fine with it and they’ve gotten to be friends as well. He and his new BOYFRIEND (it was kind of a messy split for a bit…) are actually going to be here for the birth of my third child next week. :heart: I wouldn’t trade him or our friendship for anything. Honestly, I think being upset over him not telling you is the biggest concern; not that it’s an ex. Talk it out with him. I just wouldn’t go in with guns blazing.

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Well first of all, that’s not cool. There’s not really any reason he should be talking to his ex… but maybe they are still friends? Maybe they had a mutual, amicable breakup?

But 2nd, don’t go through his phone :woman_facepalming:t2: I wouldn’t even say anything to him tbh. What are you gonna say? “You were talking to her!!” So he can be like “yeah, and I didn’t say anything inappropriate… also why were you snooping through my shit?”

It’s not really worth it to confront him with basically nothing, and you’re just going to prove to him that you don’t trust him or respect his privacy.

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Hell no. If they ain’t got kids to discuss then they don’t need to converse at all. All that shit leads to is her still having feelings and him giving her some hope which leaves you out of the situation with his baby in your uterus. Serious grown ass men know better. They focus on their relationship and the new addition to their family. Then they leave the past in the past. A man who is down for you and yours ain’t gone be talking to no bitch he done had relations with who you yourself ain’t friends with. Period.

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Out of respect for you, he shouldn’t even speak to her. Personally I believe that if you’ve ever had a romantic relationship with someone you shouldn’t be in any kind of contact with them, unless you have kids together. Just my personal opinion though.

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Ask him why he is talking to her that’s you right to snoop your the one that’s pregnant. So ask him

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Caught mine doing the same thing. Nothing sexual but still. I threw all his Jordans in our front yard in the rain. That’s just me though 🤷

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If he can’t do it with you sitting beside him he has no business doing it. Too sneaky for my liking

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Its not right for him to be conversing with an ex who has always been obsessed with him. He is disrespecting you at the most stressful time of your life. Tell him you don’t like it, that it bothers you, and he should be respectful of you in this difficult time.

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My husband does this too. He requires a lot of attention. If he’s pissed at me or we’re not getting on, I know if I check his phone he’s been chatting with an ex. Usually doing favours for them. I personally wouldn’t lend my exes a bucket if their houses were on fire let alone reach out to them for an ego stroke. Some guys are like that I guess. :unamused:

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He needs a reminder that she is an EX for a reason and you and your baby are his NOW . It’s called RESPECT

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In my case, Wla cla bata sng ex, pero my gn padaku cla na bata smtang ga upod cla? :thinking: Tracy Marie

If they weren’t already still friends when you came into the picture and started dating/got married then wtf they need to rekindle a friendship for now? Say something. Shut that shit down and check her.

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First I would want to know why they broke up. If it was mutual and they didn’t like each other in that way. Or if one ended it and the other wasn’t ready. I personally wouldn’t like it. I would ask and bring it up. But I am very open with my husband

If you cannot trust your SO to speak to one of their exes, then you need to find another SO. They also shouldn’t be hiding it either. This whole “can’t have friends of the opposite sex” and “can’t speak to exes” is high school BS. I would never tell my husband that he can’t speak to an ex and he would never ask me not to do the same. I also don’t speak to my exes every day etc. If we are so insecure in our relationship that we have to police each other’s friendships, then we don’t need to be together. Of course I have a great husband and I am totally committed to him. Honesty breeds security, lies breed insecurity. If I am having a conversation with an ex, I am doing it sitting next to my husband…

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Fuck both of them he’s wrong

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confront him his reaction will tell you all you need to no problem here is if you will still run back to him if he is playing you I mean why post on social media stupid figure your own marriage out stop listening to other people …

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