My husband went out and ignored me but "read" my messages: Advice?

Personally I don’t trust the situation but I trust no one but myself. Passing a phone like a child is a game, work functions lasting till 3am is a little absurd and I feel you have the right to ask

7 Likes

No trust, no relationship. End of. By the looks of it, she should give him space to live.

36 Likes
  1. “Common law” says to me he’s just not committed. It’s 30 bucks to get married at the courthouse.
  2. My husband would NEVER not answer while out with people; male, female, friends, business associates. 3. Nothing is open still at 3 AM. No reason to even still be out of you’re in a committed relationship or “marriage”
  3. Sounds like you don’t trust him, go with that gut feeling and get you a partner who will respect you enough to keep your relationship between y’all.
    Good luck doll, been there for 10 years and now I’ve been happily married to an awesome, hot, TRUSTWORTHY, respectful man for almost 5 years!
59 Likes

This is a big reason relationships don’t make it anymore. He works in the beer industry and it was a work thing. It is not unreasonable to think the actual work part lasted until later but then they were all having a good time and kept having fun. If my significant other was blowing up my phone while I was out socializing with coworkers and possibly making myself more comfortable with the bosses and important people, I’d be so irritated! There is a difference between texting “hey do you know what time you will be home?” And sending text after text, call after call. That’s controlling, obsessive, and the only result is you are making the situation into a problem, even if there is no reason for there to be one. Trust and respect are giving way to this need for constant communication and its exhausting. If you can’t handle a night apart for a work function, why be in the relationship at all?

27 Likes

Good luck but i would make it very clear unacceptable. What if there’s an emergency what if you did that to him I mean the list goes on and on you need to teach people how to treat you and what you’re willing to put up with set boundaries and expect them to listen to them just like you live up to their and probably more I don’t like being the way I am but I make it very clear what I do want and what I don’t want and what I don’t want is for you to treat me the way you wouldn’t want to be treated. And if they don’t care it means it’s time to move on

1 Like

I would of been pissed but if you have trust issues no good. I would divorce him and yes I have been there and I am divorced, I did not listen to any of the warnings, and took me years , but I am much happier without him!

5 Likes

How old are these people? They sound like they’re 18. Who is passing around another persons phone and sending messages to their wife. I don’t buy it. And if there is a hint of truth to it why isn’t he capable of being an adult and saying no? that’s my phone and my wife, mind your business. It sounds to me like he was out having a good time without you and didn’t want to be bothered.

165 Likes

I doubt that’s what really happened… he probably just didn’t want to admit he was ignoring. Either way he was in the wrong.

44 Likes

Do you blow up his phone like that everytime he goes out? Maybe that is why he lies and ignores you because he knows it will be a fight so he enjoys his night and will deal with the consequences after?

16 Likes

Wow. He has absolutely no respect for y’all marriage. I’m actually disgusted.

20 Likes

What was the issue to begin with? Like he didn’t tell you he was going out ? No trust no relationship. This goes both ways like one why did you have to blow up his phone to begin with & of course why wouldn’t he answer & clearly lie after the fact

10 Likes

I don’t believe this. If he is an adult and is actually letting people at a work training meeting pass his phone around and read his messages, then that lack of judgment is just as much of a problem as leaving her on read and ignoring her.

5 Likes

He’s a big boy. If he didn’t want these people to have his phone, he would have gotten it. He knew staying out till 3 A.M. was wrong and he let his phone be public so he could justify in his own mind he wasn’t doing anything wrong when in actuality he was wrong and he knew it. If trust is broken , it takes a long time if ever to repair it. Is this the kind of life you want? If not now is the time to leave!

6 Likes

Alcohol makes people act irrationally. Have your own income and bank account and credit card separate from him. Do it immediately.

5 Likes

I wouldn’t call or text my husband while he was doing business or work. I also don’t call
Or text him when he is out with friends. If you don’t trust him, don’t stay with him.

9 Likes

Yeah I would not be ok with this all the way around…if he didn’t answer just because, no respect. And if he passed the phone around, no respect either…not ok😬

7 Likes

And the problem is??? Omg how old are you!!! Do you really need advice from strangers🙄 you sound like a narcissistic stalker if you want my opinion and he sounds like a right wimp…if you don’t then thanks for wasting 3 seconds of my life I’ll never get back!

7 Likes

I don’t care for my man to go out places, but I think it’s a big red flag that he was ignoring you. A grown married man has no business out until 3 am without letting his wife know where he’s at and if he’s okay. Especially while drinking…as for the rest of the story he’s lying.

6 Likes

I don’t date men who drink. That would have been it for me

14 Likes

I feel like this is a post from Reddit Am I the Asshole lol. Everyone sucks here. If you have absolutely no trust for him to go have drinks with colleagues and have to blow his phone up all night, I’d be annoyed too if I was him. But he also shouldn’t have let everyone read your texts. No trust no relationship. :woman_shrugging:t2:

6 Likes

That’s total bs! He’s hiding something. My ex was like this. Trust your gut.

13 Likes

Sounds like a bunch of teenagers. Good luck! It’s going to get worse from here if that’s the type of energy he’s going to be around :woman_shrugging:t2: My hubby goes out & this has never been an issue but then again it’s all grown ppl. Y’all must be very young. I’m assuming because this is all childish behavior :woman_shrugging:t2:

5 Likes

Ohh hell no. Maybe my reactions are toxic but I’d tell him exactly how I feel wtf are random people doing with his phone is he that weak and not man enough to get his phone from those people if he sees no problem with what happend I’d open the door and tell him pick up ur things and go with those people since they are in control of you . Don’t put up with things that make you unhappy put your foot down set your boundaries if he can’t respect them and isn’t willing to get help then he gets to go

4 Likes

Ok…well he shouldve answered the calls or texts at least but are u the type of girl that when he leaves u call and call an call an text and prolly accusing him of doing things in these texts…seeing as how u said these are our problems thats in the texts. So maybe he finally put the phone down and just ignored because he didnt wanna deal with it right then as he prolly deals with it on a daily basis. And hes lied to u before…was he cheating? Either way…sounds like ur relationship isnt healthy. On either part.

4 Likes

Why would you constantly badger him all night? Sounds like the relationship is over anyway

6 Likes

I think there is ALOT more he isnt telling you. Id talk to him and push the issue. Tell him of your distrust and how the leave the messages on read with NO reply and lack of respect for you makes you feel. If these behaviors continue, maybe its time to reevaluate the relationship

5 Likes

Oh my girl- I think you deserve someone who wouldn’t insult you like this . A good man would neither ignore your messages , nor would he pass his phone around to others to gawk at!!!

5 Likes

If you have no trust in your partner, then the relationship is pretty much doomed.

3 Likes

If you don’t trust don’t be in thst relationship because he’s gone out you’ve messaged and messaged that also isn’t fair on both parties as your making yourself unwell and also making your husband act the way he did last night. Maybe your not right for each other as your both causing problems for one another.

2 Likes

Sounds like trust issues to me he was out with co workers I believe the sex of them is irrelevant unless that’s what bothers you also if he is out having a good time why keep blowing up his phone unless of an emergency

3 Likes

how old is he because I could see teenagers doing this OR if your a young adult then I could see people/friends doing this for a few minutes just joking around because maybe they thought you were calling or texting a lot. Since you have had trust issues before I see why this would upset you BUT I will say if you can’t trust him and this bothers you then it’s time to move on. If you have had to deal with things in the past with him and have then said you will “start over and move on” then that’s what you need to do if you can’t trust and move on past the past then you need to move on from him. You may never be able to forget but you have the choice otherwise.

1 Like

I wouldn’t trust him. If he’s broken the trust in the past, he’s certainly not making it a priority to rebuild that trust. If you don’t have trust, you literally have nothing. I’m sorry that you’re dealing with this! I would probably recommend throwing the whole man out, so you can move on and live your life with less stress.

Being in that situation, I can tell you that alcohol changes people so maybe they are people who are outgoing & once he unlocked his phone it got taken away. My girlfriends are always doing that to me, (they’re drinks lol) difference is that those messages aren’t from my husband b.c my husband is at the get together with us but he’s seen it happen. If he’s lied before then I’d be a little upset but I’d get over it. But in my opinion I’d there’s no trust, then what is the relationship based on? I rethink the relationship. Best of luck

Sound like hes inconsitered to what’s suppose to be very important to him it would of took a few minutes to let u know something sounds like his new found friends from work mean more then u it never gets better just more of the same as time goes by

Do you really want a relationship where there’s not any Trust how would he feel if you did that maybe you should he needs the taste of his own medicine if he really loves you he’ll straighten up if he doesn’t love you you don’t need him

If people are drinking and having fun it’s a possibility that when you were blowing up his phone with possible accusations or what ever you wrote they just thought you sounded ridiculous and he ended up ignoring you. If you can’t trust your husband then what’s the point of marriage?

1 Like
  1. Well why would he allow people to take his phone and read husband and wife messages and 2) I hope to god you dnt actually believe that’s what happened
3 Likes

Well, if he’s out for training and then out with people from work, being texted and called no stop looks really unprofessional. Insecurity and trust issues are never good. Friends/co-workers are going to razz him, especially if he is the only one whose phone is blowing up. Also some establishments take phones away as a way to encourage human interactions. Depending on the type of man he is, he will either be bothered by it and just go with it, or ignore the people there and go hide in a bathroom stall to message you back. :woman_shrugging:

1 Like

Well I think the story he gave you is untrue but I’m saying that why are you calling him and texting him non stop? When my partner is away for work (which includes drinks and dinners) I’m not expecting him to be on his phone to me. He’s networking and meeting people in the industry that contributes to our household. Also I’m far too busy with my own things to be worried about what he is doing. Trust is everything and without it there is no relationship.

It’s plain out lie. My ex used to do the same on his nights he would take off. Him and his ‘friends’ would go do some podcast and they all talked bad about me. Glad it’s over.
You need to make up your mind if your gonna be happy with lies the rest of your life. They don’t change.

Alcohol causes you to drop your guard, drop your ambitions, drop your integrity. Alcohol and liars do not mix with relationships. They will always blame alcohol for their mistakes. There are only two truly honest people in this world, toddlers and drunk people because there is nothing keeping them from speaking their minds and how they feel.

Sorry honey but that’s BS. Nobody had his phone he was too busy fraternizing to be bothered to text or call you back. No excuse for that nonsense.

2 Likes

Leave him. You already have trust issues for some reason. That’s not going to change and neither is his behavior. You’re common law married? That means he’s been with you a long time but isn’t ready to seal the deal. Move around, sis. Next…

1 Like

How can they read his messages if there a lock on his phone? Obviously hes lying. And if it’s so innocent why give such ridiculously lame excuses?
I’m not saying he did anything but his behaviour is suspect. Good luck.

Until he chooses to a partner. He will always let you down
NOTHING YOU CAN OR HAVE DONE WILL MAKE IT SO.
HOWEVER FOR YOU, YOU CAN MAKE LIFE GOOD! CHOICES …

1 Like

That’s completely wrong. He should’ve just told you he was staying out with them and kept his phone in his pocket. There’s no reason I guy shouldn’t be able to go out once in a while and the same goes for you. Your phone texts etc are between you and him only. It’s wrong to have them reading them!

I’d be embarrassed if my SO was texting the hell out of me like that when I’m out with work people.

Passing the phone and allowing everyone to read it it an obvious disrespect to you with all those people. He treated you like a fool .
Love yourself enough to let him go. He is already gone anyway. Be happy you know this sooner than later. Move on, there is someone out there just for you who will love you back. Plus you are never alone anyway because God is always ready for you to whisper to him in prayer. He is the best listener and will whisper back guidance. Those difficult ( not harmful) but positive thoughts are only his guidance.

Either way its blatant disrespect. - maybe it’s time to get you an uncommon type of man.

Yeah. I would have texted him once. He needs breathing room. A lot of breathing room. Like, move out and don’t tell him in advance breathing room. You deserve way better than this.

:see_no_evil: guess I’m the odd ball. This has actually happened to us. But I wasn’t yelling at him. I had someone snap a video of his phone being tossed around. They are adults to.
Just harmless fun.
But I do see why u have a problem since he’s broke trust.

Sounds like this is what happened

Your husband was out with his friends drinking and having a good time. He had his phone, seen you were blowing up his phone, didn’t want to “deal” with that, made a comment and a buddy said “just tell her I had the phone”

The trust issue falls onto you, yourself as a person and the lack of communication you are having based on him ignoring you and you blowing up his phone.

No person is out at a bar texting their significant other that’s sending texts about being irresponsible, lieing, being out late, ignoring them or “don’t love me”

1 Like

It sounds like a made up story to me. You can’t get into a locked phone unless you give the person your password.

Common Law? So that means you guys have been together for a handful of years already but never actually married… he just doesn’t sound very committed to me. You guys just don’t want to get married? Idk I have so many questions myself.

See how he acts if you do it to him. Usually they begin to understand when they are in your shoes

My opinion is
HE IS LYING… Using people you don’t know as scapegoats… Sorry but I would not believe grown people took his phone for and entire night passing it around… good luck

Dont believe a single word, if U are living together he should answer is phone it could have been a amergancy. Y would he be out till 3 am any way without U.

1 Like

Lies. Idk about most of the people here but you sound like your gut feeling is spiking and telling you something. It’s not silly to want to want respect. He clearly doesn’t respect you, regardless if he was lying, or worse, cheating. He sounds like he thinks like an 18yr old. Please get a divorce.

He’s full of shyt. Why don’t you put your relationship on “read“ and go find somebody who appreciates you the way you should be appreciated

2 Likes

It takes 2 seconds to text SOMETHING back to you, not leave you hanging. Even if its just, “I will call you back asap”

He was at work and then went out with “the guys” and your blowing up his phone? Cut the guy some slack. He didn’t give you any reason for you to get upset, he told you that he was going out and with whom… I don’t see an issue.

No trust. Break up… Sounds like he cheating and has no respect for you…

1 Like

Maybe all is innocent and he was just enjoying himself but he’s misses is a bit of a bunny boiler and keeps mithering him? I did it with an ex who I had over 40 missed calls from. Eventually I answered but handed the phone to a fella I was drinking with I’d just met. He got a right ear full off her ha ha.

Tbh I feel like you were probably blowing him up. Texting some stuff and arguing. He read them and ignored them.

I feel like , If you’re with someone after they lied or cheated, but continue to accuse them or not trust them, then it’s just a you problem.
Once you forgive that person, you put it in the past. It’s not okay to keep bringing up things that you’ve forgiven. You might as well just separate

Once a liar always a liar. If you can’t trust him why bother? I mean I wouldn’t want that energy around me.

1 Like

Your husband is the grown ass man letting these people do this (supposedly do this)
Maybe he just purposely ignored your calls/texts because he didn’t want to be bothered.
Personally, you either trust him or not, and he’s going to do whatever he wants. All those calls/texts attempts to get a response from him made him even more determined to ignore you. Why did you need to make sure he answered or responded to you? He was working, was out of town. Yes, it’d be nice if he’d show you the decency and call or text once to let you know all is well, but, he didn’t. That’s where you have to say to yourself-either he loves and respects you enough to refrain from doing wrong, or he doesn’t. If he doesn’t, then the truth will come to light soon enough. Don’t waste your time worrying about what he might be doing, you can’t control him or his actions. Maybe give him a taste of his own behavior- go out with friends/coworkers and have a blast, but don’t call/text him or reply to him calling/texting you. Maybe he’ll see how it feels to be home worrying while you’re gone having fun and ignoring him. (But maybe not!)If you can’t trust him, and if he’s not proving himself trustworthy, then why are you even together??!

Why would you be blowing up his phone with your personal problems when you know he’s out? Like a lot of others have said, no trust, no relationship.

Yah no one “passed around your phone” lol. He just didn’t wana answer you.

1 Like

I smell bullshit from him and my ex husband run girl run a divorce is too expensive and don’t waste more time on him

This does sound right. And I’ve been through things like this but I can’t trust my BF anyone we have been together 6 years I have 4 kids 3 out his and I’m pregnant with out forth I know he doesn’t hago e his phone or lose it easily so yeah

Why were you continuously phoning and texting when he was training? It sounds like you have trust issues which I don’t blame you for as he sounds like a liar.

That’s immature and disrespectful. He’s still a child in a man’s body. There definitely needs to be some counseling. If you are not married to him yet imagine what it will be like if you do. It will only get worse not better.

Yes your being over the top of you have a problem with other people seeing what you texted then you are probably the problem

Maybe it’s time to drop his ass! Why go through all this stress? Did he just lie to you or did he cheat? If he lied before, he’ll never stop lying to you!

First of all, locked phones are super sketchy to me to begin with. I have never in all my years locked my phone. My kids (16, 19 and 20) think it’s weird that I don’t lock it. The hell am I hiding from anyone?! Absolutely nothing. :woman_shrugging:t3:

Sounds like a bunch of drunk dumb immature dudes. I’d be mad…he needs to grow up.

I like how everyone went off on him. But she’s the problem. Get a fucking grip. He’s a grown ass man. Stop texting and calling non stop. Let.him have some time away from you. Heck, I’d do the same thing if it meant I could get away from someone who’s super clingy and annoying. If you can’t trust him. Just leave. Damn.

Probably cheating.what kind of a husband doest at least reassure his so that he is ok at least once.

Why were you messaging him so much u knew he was busy. I mean

He’s lying. He had his phone and ignored you. There are bigger problems here :disappointed:

Come on, you already know the answer to this question.

He’s lying to you. Move on.

1 Like

He didn’t care enough to stop them…it became a big joke to him

4 Likes
  1. Men and women?? They aren’t cows or dogs lol.

  2. Common law? That says immediately he doesn’t respect you or he would have married you. (Unless you have a legit reason like being on disability where you are penalized for being married.)

  3. How many times did you text him? Were you bugging him while he was trying to have fun or did you text him once or twice? If once or twice I would be beyond mad too.

“Good people” are different when drinking. This is why I found a husband who never drinks and none of his friends do either.
I was married to a drinker before and it is nothing but major trouble over and over.

If it was me, I wouldn’t have believed him and would be pissed… but that’s just me…

Seems you were duped again. Don’t be mad at “them”, they don’t actually exist.

Yeah… he is lying. No man is going to to pass his phone and share embarrassing calls, messages or text to his co-workers unless he is making fun of you.

If you feel a certain way that is up to you and nobody can tell you that you are wrong.

How many times did you keep texting and calling him?
After so many I’d ignore you too.

Stop putting your business on the Streets. Talk to your Husband or a counselor. Not Facebook Counselors.

1 Like

Yikes. From both ends of this story it sounds OVER.

3 Likes

He’s a liar. That’s ridiculous. He’s up to NO GOOD. Kick him out.

3 Likes

If there’s no trust, there’s no relationship. That’s just me though.

2 Likes

Sis … no one had his phone and if you believe that… I’m sorry

2 Likes

Sounds like he’s making crap up to get out of ignoring you. He’s lied before and he’s doing it again

1 Like

My ex used to promise to be home and then go do this stuff

3 Likes

Sounds like a bunch of bullshit, I would absolutely leave his ass.

1 Like

Trust aint no issue in relationships, i think communication is the biggest thing we must have.

1 Like

He’s definitely lying . Sounds like an immature man to me

1 Like

Why would you keep texting him knowing he went out? That’s irritating so he had to sit and text you back and forth? Then he could’ve stayed home🤷 you could’ve at least wait till he’s home to discuss whatever it is you needed to discuss

4 Likes

The very last sentence says it all. There’s a reason you don’t trust him.