Been in a relationship with my husband for 15 years. Out of the 15 years we have been together he has cooked maybe 5-6 times. He knows how to cook but never ever offers or comes in the kitchen to help. If I don't cook we don't get a home cooked meal. He resorts to fast food if I'm not in the mood to cook. He later complains about how much money we have spent on fast food. I've been dealing with major depression and anxiety and he has been supportive with that. But never offers to help cook, clean, or do anything unless he is asked. When I ask him to take out the garbage or recycling...it will sit there. Even though he says "I'll do it in a bit." Asking him to do anything is like pulling teeth. I end up more upset because he doesn't do it or doesn't do it right away. I don't know if it's old school logic or something. He grew up seeing his father be the bread winner and his Mom did all the cooking and cleaning plus took care of the children. How can I change someone so set in their ways? He always says he is tired but we both work during the day and I'm tired too. I feel so burnt out and tired of doing everything. Why can't he help!? I don't know if i wrote this for support or to vent or both- we also have two young children. I don't want my Son growing up thinking the Woman has to cook/clean/take care of the children and everything else. I don't want my daughter to think she has to do this either.
Tell him he can have that old school mentality when he makes enough money for you not to have to work and pay bills as well! Shoot! You don’t get to pick and choose which parts to be “stuck in”! You are a team and should work together!
Honestly I’d ask him flat out. Why do you never cook it do the things I ask you to do. Tell him your getting sick of doing everything and your tired of him complaining about spending money on fast food because he refuses to cook. Tell him actions speak louder then words and he needs to step up or see the door because laziness isnt going to fly anymore.
Change YOUR actions. Cook for yourself, clean what YOU use, take out YOUR trash. Leave all of HIS shit where he leaves it and point out that the mess that is building is all HIS. That will show him how much of a mess he actually leaves. When he complains about not having dinner or a clean house tell him your tired of doing everything for a grown ass man. If he doesnt change dont put up with it. Find a MAN because MEN dont need to be asked to do anything…they just do it. Remember, if he wanted to he would, so if he wants you, he will get his act together. Plain and simple