Okay, so I don’t want to sound ungrateful. But my hubby’s schedule is so crazy. He leaves our house around 8 am and won’t come home until 1, 2, sometimes 3 am. He works EVERY SINGLE DAY. Saturday and Sundays too. Which means it’s just mommy mommy mommy. We have three kids — a five year old, two-year-old, and 4 months old. I’m so drained by the end of the day. He’s his own boss, which means he goes in and gets out whenever he wants. I mean, I understand he’s the only one providing for us, and I can’t thank him enough for allowing me to stay home and take care of our babies. But on the other hand, I NEED a break. From the time our kids wake up till the moment they fall asleep, it’s just me. You mommies know how it is with all the cooking, cleaning, laundry, diaper changes, showers, feedings, homework time. I don’t have time to breathe. I’ve talked to him about how I feel, and he just says I need to understand how stressed he is with all the payments he needs to make… I honestly don’t know what to do or how to feel. My five-year-old is always asking, “why isn’t daddy home from work yet? I miss daddy. Am I going to see him before bedtime?” Am I selfish for feeling like this? I feel bad he has to work so much. He doesn’t have time to rest, either. But I want him to understand it’s not easy staying home either.
When will he make time for his family?
Are you sure he’s actually working.
Leave them. For 17 years I was in a relationship with that and I ended up with nothing after he had a midlife crisis. If men don’t see it then never going to get it and you just need to say bye-bye.
Go visit… help him at work. Hire a sitter for a break from time to time
He alone wrking to pay bills plus take care of everyone including himself…and u wanna complain about beimg a mommy right thru smh…if u feel that way an so needed a break why make more children…u sound selfish am sure u know this is how his schedule was but makin it an issue now.
Make arrangement with another mother to trade off one day a week for a few hours.
I don’t think he works all those hours. You need to confirm that he does. I was also a stay at home mom and my husband always helped me even when he worked long hours. We were a team. And he enjoyed being a father, it wasn’t a job for him
What do you mean he’s his own boss, do you guys own the company? Yes sorry gotta ask are you sure he’s working all those hours, and I’m sorry again but if he’s working all those hours for sure then yes a bit selfish, on both of your part. Either he drops some hours and you go to work too, or he drops some hours and you give up some luxuries. You can not complain if he’s doing nothing but right by his family, except to pitch in. But be absolutely sure he’s doing the right thing.
If hes the boss of his own business then he needs to give 1 day a week to the family, atleast 1 date night a month with you! Dont have anymore children, instead get a sitter for your self to have “me time” once a week! That’s my advice
Hun ,he isnt working all those hours.
I don’t think it’s selfish. Your complaint is reasonable. I understand. My man works long hours too. Parenting is a two-person job. When one person is doing most of the parenting it’s definitely overwhelming. I would double check that he is working all those hours and then let him know that your job is also hard and you need a day off too.
He sure made time to help you make those babies, so he should make time to help you raise them.If you were to add up everything you do for your family it would be allot, so give yourself some credit.
He’s definitely NOT working that whole time…
If he makes his own hours he needs to find the time for family 1 and 2 a day to give you a break or hes gonna wake up one day and his children will be grown and you all will resent him and he workes his life away for what?
Well there’s no way he’s working that many hour’s so he’s going somewhere else and doing something
He is definitely not working all those hours. Follow him one day or 2 and you will see
He’s not working that long. Better track him down or go look for him at 4:00-5:00
Tell him your bringing dinner every night, but I bet he starts coming home then
Okay first might I ask what does he do ? You made the statement hes his own boss, and sometimes dosent come home until 3am? Are you sure he’s ACTUALLY working? I dont know of ANY plumbers, bricklayers, electricians, roofers, BUSINESS OWNERS that are at the office until 1am UNLESS they own a bar or restaurant. You stated the oldest is 5, are they in a head start, Pre K ? The 2 little ones I would look into a mother’s day out program 1 to 2 days a week usually for 2 to 3 hrs. I would most definitely consider birth control, Honey if you’re this drained with 3 probly not a good idea to have anymore for a while.
He leaves at 8 am and dont come home until 1,2 or 3am? He has another woman.
If he’s the boss then he can delegate the work load to his employees and get home to his family by dinner time!!! Also, if it’s about “all the expenses” then downsize & budget make do with used or just less! Time together means more than what money can buy!! If he STILL won’t come home except to sleep then something else is very very wrong!!
The amount of time and energy ( lack of your husband ) You put in!! /? If you’re children are asking!? Get out!
He’s got a secret family or life. Wake up!
Remind him this
Not one man on his death bed has ever said
He wishes he spent more time at work!
If he doesn’t want to make time for you or the kids, then what was the point of making a family?
He wants to sit there and complain about the so called payments he has to make, but he asked for it. If he didn’t want to give you his time and attention every once in awhile, he shouldn’t have made a family.
How is he working all those hours? its strange.
Honey !!start spending his money that he works so hard on baby sitters, going to the gim, getting massages, doing your hair, nails ,going shopping for new clothes ,take the kids shopping. And Do NOT have sex with him without a condom!!he may give you an S T D. And enjoy his money!!
He’s not working ALL of those hours…probably saying he is so he don’t have to go home and deal with his kids…horrible to say but he’s not helping with them when he is around…odds are he has a girlfriend or just not interested in being a family man.
That’s an awful lot of hours to be working. Doesn’t he want to see his kids? Maybe it’s time to have a conversation with him about his hours and the family.
A stay at home parent is just as draining if not more and it’s also a job! You are entitled to feel the way you do, your feelings are valid. Kids kids kids, you need so adult interaction and just a few minutes to yourself throughout the day. If your husband isn’t going to change his schedule for the family, see if someone can come help you with the kids a few days out the week. Maybe a sister, cousin or close neighbor. I wish you the very best, I’m sure you are doing an amazing job.
If he is honestly working those hrs(which I doubt), maybe it’s time to question the feasibility and practicality of whatever business is requiring him to work such ridiculous hours. It’s not a workable situation for any family, especially with young kids. I understand completely, you say he’s his own boss and can essentially work when he chooses, yet you don’t get the choice unless you actually pay for outside help. After being in a relationship with an ex who had the ‘provider’ mentality, he would actually use work as an excuse to get out of every parenting responsibility, deliberately staying longer. Even now we’re separated, he still uses ‘work’ as an excuse to back out of everything ie visitation, birthdays, school events, phone calls, holidays - everything. You need to sit down with him and discuss the whole situation, as it’s not practical, maybe not from the angle of ‘I need a break’ because then it becomes a competition of who has it worse, rather the whole impact on the family life and the kids.
Ya I doubt he’s working all those hours -
As a single parent it is me and only me…i chose to have my kids and yes i hear mom 50 million times a day…i also work 60plus hours a week…and what gets me through it…is this…one day it will be over. Them needing me hearing mom and i will miss it!! So I suck it up with no breaks and break down at times and overwhelmed but I know it wont be forever… but you chose to have these kids witg him and im assuming he was teh boss then too and you knew what you were getting into. Good luck
Sis, something ain’t right here. Have you checked his paystubs? Is he actually working those hours because that makes no sense .
Hire a babysitter for a few nights and go follow him and see where he is going after work. He is hiding something and he is comfortable because he knows you’re at home with the kids. Time to put in some detective work.
My antanas went up. What is your intuition telling you?
No way in hell I will accept that shit,go find employment and get a nanny,oh and FYI,FIND OUT WHAT TF HE IS DOING AT 3AM!!!
Working 16 to 17 hours a day and living off 5 or 6 hours sleep. IF you have coffee in your cupboard can I suggest you go and use your nose and smell it. There’s no way that’s even physically possible unless he’s doing something real sketchy
I’m giving it the benefit of the doubt and thinking that maybe he has something like a restaurant or a gas station… either way there have to be better alternatives to this life you have. I was married to a workaholic. At work at 5 am. Home at 9 pm. Ate dinner and was in bed by 9:45. 7 days a week. He prides himself on working over 3 months with no days off. Even with our 4 kids he worked like crazy. It’s a very lonely life. I did it all and he did minimal. Same excuse— “I’m not sitting watching sports or drinking with buddies. I’m working for the family.”
When the kids were old enough, I left. He’s still a workaholic and I’m much saner.
Ok theres been an awful lot of people accusing here. You have to sit your man down and tell him hes his own boss so he can make his own hours.at least 2 or three days out of a week can he come home at a reasonable hour to spend with.his family if he cant reason make a choice this is no way to live. It’s not a marriage when all it is is work work work come on crazy. If he cant compromise walk ok? Good luck
Omg, this man is having an affair! Wake up!! You need to follow him, get proof, and file for divorce!
Have you gone to his work and surprised him late one evening? I would.
Works everyday ??? lol ok
If you really want to know what he’s doing all them hours, hire a P.I. for a couple weeks then go from there…
To all those jumping to the conclusion that the man is cheating maybe you should get a grip on reality.
As a truck driver 16 hour days are not uncommon, having to sleep in a rest area is also not unheard of.
There were many times when I was a service tech that I would get calls to travel over 700km each way plus do the service on site.
I have worked many holidays, been gone on Christmas numerous times and I have to thank my wife for being a understanding woman and not a conclusion jumping bitch like most commenters on this post seem to be!
We know there’s a lot of give and take in relationships but something doesn’t smell right here. Coming from someone who went through it…I suggest you start looking into what he’s doing. If he truly is working then no harm done…but if something else is going on then you’re better prepared and at least you know what’s up…good luck
Looking after children is way more stressful & takes a life time. You are the 1 who is the main constance in your kids lives. IDN believe he is working all these hours. You hire a baby sitter or hv sm1 watch your kids. You show up at his work…if he is not there or solo…then you know. $$ doesn’t make you a parent. Use your gut instincts.
You should have thought about that before having 3 children
Find someone to watch them for a little bit and take some you time. Mine leaves at 8-8:30am-sometimes 1-2am, but no sooner than 9p. Even when he’s off, he has to be accessible. He is missing out on all the time with us and the kids. We’re limited on what we can do time wise, he misses events, family parties and outings, school events. That is a huge sacrifice. And he doesn’t have the added stress of owning the business. In exchange, we get to live the lifestyle we have, we have financial security and the kids set up and all that adulting stuff. I’d much rather work than stay home, but with his work demands it just makes sense. We all make sacrifices, and life is what it is, we just need to figure out how to make it work. You can look into daycare that does by the day or a couple hours one or two days a week; look into local babysitter groups; find a couple teen/college age sitters. Let your kids be independent, you don’t have to do everything for them (if that’s the case); break up the routine some…
This kind of life is not enjoyable- as thes others says you have to use your gut a woman intuition, and investigate you and your husband should talk about this, taking care of the kids is not a joke most specially when you’re alone doing it. This should stop or you’ll get burned out. Marriage is a two way street both of you should share responsibilities, for your family and for your finances. Talk this over and settle for the best!
You can’t honestly believe he works from 8 am until 2 am???
Please please do some digging and don’t stay if he is cheating and has dis respected you like that. He’s living another life outside the house.
Hes cheating bottom line… No one works those hours everyday… Get out now if not for yourself then for the kids.
Hire someone to watch the kids a couple times a week so you can have some “me” time. Sounds like your husband is working too many hours to take on more as the sole income.
All I can tell you is get part time job geys you out of the house …pay for baby sitter … If hes working that much no way hes gonna help …hes to tired … And maybe. Not hsve any more kids. Until you both can handke it
I was exactly there years ago, finally my husband got a better job… I’m still being a stay home mom but he knows that I need to be here for our kids because the 2 little ones have health issues so I need to be available for them when he is working… is a process and sometimes it can be extremely hard and overwhelming… i totally understand that sometimes you want to cry and you are extremely exhausted but if the reason that your husband is not there because he is working… trust me… he wants to be there, he wants to help you, he wants to take bath with the kids, play with them and reading them a book before to go to sleep… I know is going to sound unfair for so many women… but we are the ones who are the based of our family… including our husbands… life is hard but is beautiful at the same time… enjoy the privilege that you have healthy kids and they can be next to you all the time…
Like you said, he works too. You gonna go to work with him and make his job easier? You chose to stay home, be grateful you can.
Something don’t sound right he has his own business so he makes his own hours why does he think he has to stay gone that long ? And maybe living some wear not so high 🤷 just a thought.
Admin please do something about Rachael Edwards! We are supposed to be here to support each other. She’s being ridiculous commenting on everyone else who is trying to give advice if she doesn’t agree with what they said.
Maybe ask him if you can get a job on weekends… then he could work less and you would get a break…
8am till 3am, 7 days a week. Come on who you playing
Hes either shit at time management or someone else is enjoying his down time.
For everyone saying he isnt working those hours with only a little bit asleep. It’s possible. My husband only gets 4 hours of sleep at the most. He works night and comes home to take care of our child soon to add another in the mix. Not saying that’s what is going on here. I work throughout the day and am home.evening and throughout the night with my daughter. If you want some time to yourself or adult time get a same part time job but that also requires you to have to pay for someone to watch your children. I get he should help but I’m sure he just didnt stop one day…and you had 3 kids with this man so you knew what you were getting into. Honestly I would just leave the situation all together and get a job and raise those babies because if your going to act single and take car of the kids 24/7 then you might as well be single. And if you cant trust him and have to look into what he is doing it’s time to end the relationship anyways. Not saying that you dont because I dont know…
Was he working those hours before the first child? The second one & the third one?
Why you think you have Kids , so you not Lonely and he can get to do his own thing. Work Every Day? He probably having an Affair .
My husband is his own boss too which means he gets paid regardless if he is there or not and our kids are grown but that doesn’t sound right I’m definitely a person that’s believes families who play together stay together he needs to spend time with you and those babies… Period
You’re not selfish. You are considering his point of view. You have needs too.
A new baby is EXHAUSTING.
No. It’s not ok. Not half because you both made those kids and you both are responsible. Sit down with him and ask him what the fuck he thinks he is doing my big issue is that he isn’t respecting you or the kids and you feel like you’ve lost the right to having a say
When your 5 year old wants to know where daddy is, tell him!!! Daddy is earning the money you need to have a home to live in, to have food to eat. If you need a break, get a sitter once in a while, go see a friend. Your husband can’t be the sole provider for the family and the stat at home parent while you do what???
I don’t want to be the barer of bad news, but no one leaves for work at 8 AM and comes home at 3 Am, He has a double life, he has you to cook clean do Laundry and take care of his kids…While he’s out having a good time for himself,Sorry Hun wake up and smell the coffee…
Rachel Edwards clearly lacks life experience and conversation skills due to her only using 1 word. She clearly states it pisses her off when people complain and like any typical child, she can only resort to calling names. Let her be and she will go away.
You might just want to hire a private investigator and no more having kids
Tell him you need a break. If you guys can spare a few bucks to hire help a couple days a week maybe you both can go out together for dinner or just a Saturday of no kids. Good luck
Mine works 4am to 4 or 5 pm, 7 days a week in winter when business permits. Overtime, he still comes home help with home work, bath time, dinner, etc.
He must be sleeping on the job, because no one works 8am-3am…he’s staying away because he’s unhappy…it’s very hard when it seems like you’ve always been pregnant,he might feel guilty he didn’t use something …but he’s either staying at his office or has another woman on the side.hes playing a game with you , sorry but it looks that way to me…
Well I work out of home and he’s the one staying at home with our daughter, as soon as I get home we switch. So it is possible and it is exhausting but we both try to help each other
People find time to do what they want to do. He should set aside time for his family You too need to take control of your life by not having any more children right now. Give them time to grow up. Maybe he did not want so many children so he is avoiding them.
Supporting a family of 5 is not easy on one income especially if you’re running your own business.
Now if he’s not coming home till 1 or 2 and smells like a brewery or perfume than that is a different story but if your man is honestly out there busting his ass that hard to make sure his family is good and has no worries then be grateful and bust your ass at home in return.
Maybe you can find some time for yourself differently? When I was a stay at home mom I used to wake up extra early before kids just to enjoy my coffee by myself before the chaos began.
These days when they’re young are tough but there’s a day coming not too far ahead that you’re gonna miss these days. Try to enjoy that you get to experience being with them always and not missing a moment. And that your kids are blessed with being able to have their mommy all day long because of the sacrifice their daddy makes.
Tell hubby you need a date night…get a sitter…and do something fun…or just relax…recharge …it benefits everyone
If you want a hardworking good provider you will need to have to also accept the long hours it takes. Keep being a good mom to those babies they need you. If you need a break you could set up local play breaks. Out here we have like 10 moms who switch off each others kids so the other can go out. It’s a great way to find mommy friends and help.
Girl I’m sorry that your lonely and tired being a mom is the hardest job in the world but rewarding. Honestly this doesn’t sound too good girl. Owning your own business takes alot of hours and sacrifices but what does your gut say ? Is there any friends or family that can help you out to possible pop in on your hubby while at work ?
And people we are here for support you should stop saying mean things like stop having so many kids. Maybe she has no one to talk too !
Sounds like he’s escaping reality…it’s sad but true…taking care of a household is just as important as having an outside job.
If he’s his own boss then he should be to work more reasonable hours to be home not only to help & spend time with his family but also give you a much needed break.
Why is he working 7 days a week?
Now if it’s to take care of the family because you are a stay at home mom & working 7 days and the hours he works in order to keep food on the table, clothes on your back & a roof over y’all head then he’s doing what he has to do.
If not then there has to be a reason why he’s staying away from home so much
You’re in this situation, it’s your marriage so you need to figure out what will work for your family
He may be living a double life & have 2 families. Stranger things have happened
Maybe you should stop having babies, get yourself a career & put your children in day care.
Being a mother & a wife doesn’t have to be the only thing your life consists of & doesn’t have to be your only identity
Wat he need a slap or something wtf leave him wit the kids go outside get some air sip n chat
Are you for real? Either you are MAJORLY exaggerating or he is off doing anything else. Wake the f*** up!
He needs to understand that you have a full time job as well. Not to mention his children need him around, not just his money.
I would talk to him and compromise. 2 or 3 days he comes home early enough for dinner and he can do bath books and bed those nights?
Wow 8am till 1/2 am. What’s he do. 7days a week . Humm
First, how and when is he resting for work? That is insane. Second, do you have family, or the income to do some drop in care at a center or a babysitter? Start thinking gyms with childcare if that is your thing, or babysitters for a nail appointment or something. Find a local mom group. If his schedule cannot change you need to look for help and support elsewhere too
He has years to work, it is ok to cut back his hours while the children are younger. Offer to find a night job so at least you’re getting out of the house and making up the hours he’s not working and he also gets to do the nights with the kids.
I would tell him to cut back on hours or I’d leave and just get child support because hes never around and you need more than just the bills paid. You need your husband and your kids need their dad.
Communicate without being dramatic. Have an adult conversation about your needs and schedule time for you to get a break. Hire a nanny/sitter occasionally.
I would look at your budget & see what you can trim off, then let him know “hey, we’re saving x amount of $$ could you cut back a lil?” Or even let him know how much his kids miss him
Not selfish momma… he needs to find balance…
I’m also a stay at home mom & my husband works for himself. This is a constant struggle as well in our house hold. Your feelings are totally normal. I have talked to my husband about it & he makes an effort a couple times a week to spend a few hours with our son. Then things go back to constantly working . I know bills need to be paid but kids grow up so fast & I just wish men would understand that. You only get 18 years you can work far after that so take the time to spend time with your family while you can.
Those hours doesn’t make sense
You can ALWAYS make more money but you never get that time with your children and wife back. Please bring that to his attention.
Um him working that long. And you expect him to come and deal with kids…smdh. maybe he needs a break to. But he needs to spend more time with u as well. But to expect that. Nope. #selfish
Why is he working until the am hours ??
That doesn’t make any sense at all.
Also 7 days a week with no breaks for relaxation or family time is Not Good for anyone.
Time to sit down and have a massive chat !!
You are a Single Parent within a relationship at the moment & he needs to spend time with the kids & you … Before he loses it all.
Delegation at work, designated days off to unwind,
More appropriate work hours,
Budget overhaul for Home & Work …
They are a Necessity and fast.