I’m devils advocate here. I have worked to pay all the bills and my schedule was similar to this. (But I also did the kid stuff).
Being the one who has to take care of all the financial stress of a family is HUGE stress. If you’re the boss and own a business it’s even worse - your whole livelihood relies on you keeping things running smoothly.
Maybe he’s depressed or really stressed out. Work was my coping mechanism - it was easier to control than home. I knew what to expect so I buried myself in it. It was also sanity because I NEEDED that job.
I would talk to him, never assume he’s “up to no good”. That’s just stupidity and blindness.
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If he owns his own business, maybe you could cover all the office, paper, and customer work while he does the actual job part. Bring the kids to the office sometimes. My parents owned multiple businesses while I was growing up, they actually employ over 100 ppl now but when we were kids it was just them.
We all spent time at the office hanging out while they worked and there was five of us. My dad was home for family dinner every night but my step mom was going to work with him every day. When they had to, they staggered shifts, but we were never at a sitters.
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Find a job making what he makes an hour and let him be home with the kids while you take some of the stress off of him. Im sure he would appreciate getting to spend time with his children.
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My sister is a stay at home mommy of three as well. Her husband provides plenty and then some and is usually home by 5-7 every night. Doesn’t work weekends. His family is a priority. Seems like he’s not seeing how important your family is as a whole, not just providing
Shouldn’t have had all them kids
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You both need a break. Can you change your lifestyle to get one? Maybe cancel expenses that are not absolutely necessary. I also would start to make my kids have alone time in their bedroom if they don’t take a nap. Set a timer for an hour. Check on them but use the time to test or read or do something fir yourself. If they come out, remind them how much time they have left for their alone time, You both need some down time or you both will have a break down,
He sounds like a wonderful man who chooses his family over everything else. Give him a break, or get a job to help pay bills and hire a nanny.
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I am a stay at home mother with 2 kids. My husband goes to work and works 12 hour night shifts he then comes home and helps with both kids. He cooks he helps clean and everything. They are not just my children they are our children! We both parent them. Also working as long as your husband I understand what does he get 4 hours of sleep a day to go right back to work to provide for you. The man needs a break. 
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I was going to comment but after reading some of the comments and the attacks on someone’s simple opinion…nevermind!!!
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Maybe you could get a job to lighten the load or figure out a way to lessen those bills. Something has to give for both parents sanity. Or maybe he could find a better paying job…
It’s not fair for either of y’all. And both of you are going to be burnt out from your load and bitter with each other because of the current situation.
It’s sad this happens to a lot of couples.
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Either deal with it or don’t. He’s got all the bills to worry about and all the mouths to feed. By whatever it takes
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He’s gone from 8 am to 3 am working everyday?.. 
Mmm. Anyways, no it’s not selfish to need a break, at all. My husband is an amazing dad who doesn’t work insane hours, we have one kid and I still need breaks lol. It’s normal. Him being home 5 hours a day in the middle of the night is insane
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8am to 2/3 am? That sounds fishy.
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Can I ask why the kids aren’t in daycare a few hours a week? They need to learn socialization skills. And that lets you catch a breather
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Does he own/ run a motel or what? That’s the only kind of hours I can think of other than a bar. If not his hours are outrageous. Anyways, for your own sanity is there a “mommies day out” program around your area? My son went to a mommies day out church program 2 days a week for just a couple hours and it was a blessing when he was little. Back then my now ex husband did run a motel and the hours did ruin our marriage. Too many demands.
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Don’t push it because that stress your both feeling can lead to resentment from both of you and he could end up cheating if he hasn’t already. My husband use to do the same shit, he wasn’t cheating but he would be working all day and night and I never saw him. It created a huge strain on our relationship. People have tried to destroy us but never worked. Just give it time ok. I wanted the same things as you and almost left but stick with it you’ll be ok. Hire a babysitter if you can. Or see if a family member can give you a break. I don’t have family and I get breaks when I’m driving to and from college. Thank God it’s a drive
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I leave my house at 6am and return at 11pm. I am not cheating. Js
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It sounds like he needs a break too. Maybe you could ask for help from a friend or family member. When my daughter was a baby my hubby worked nights and slept during the day so days and nights were both on me. Thankfully I had help from my grandmother who is retired, I hope you can find someone to help you! I totally understand your frustrations. It’s not easy being a SAHM or working crazy hours like your hubby does.
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My friend had this issue. Her husband was a firefighter. He thought she should have at least the basics done and his question to her made me think. He asked if it was excusable for him to leave a fire half out at his job. She said no obviously. Then it went from there. They are no longer together because he didn’t feel she was living up to her end.
You know a lot of women would love to be in your place, Nobody said that it was easy but you get to be home with your own kids. Don’t worry they won’t be small for ever. You think you stress now just wait until they become teenagers please appreciate this Blessing You Have Now. Your Husband Loves You
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What the heck kinda job does he have ghat he’s not coming home until 3am… doesn’t sound right
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This isnt a jab. But i felt like this. And then i got a job and i improved 75 percent more. If it can happen for you i encourage it
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Maybe you should of thought about this before having so many damn kid’s. Their here now though so pull up your big girl panties & just deal with it. Or ask grandma & grandpa to watch them sometimes. Orrrr get a job & both of you pitch in for daycare.
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Why is he working that much tho? 
or is he?
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Im in the same boat. But im a stay at home mom. My husband works over nights and provides for us. Yea its tiring. So isnt working. Hes got his job and you got yours. Ive have 2 boys with autism. Do i need a break? Absolutely. Am i sleep deprived? For 10 years now. This is how my life is. No sitters, no family. I make it work. If you dont like it, make the necessary changes. Tell him to work less so you can get a paying job. Hes got what…5hrs inbetween work to sleep? And he works for himself or is the boss? That doesnt even sound right. What does he do for work? I get my breaks when they sleep. If your not getting breaks at night fix their schedules. 5yr olds can start pre school. That will help you too
Stay at home mom unfortunately for me didn’t work. Put the kids to nursery,school etc and get at least a part time job. Then do the household chores when you can. If he asks why the house is not cleaned,etc say you working as well and you dont have much time. But my question is if he works so long hours do you guys still have sex? Based on this you can understand if anything else is going on.
Was he so hard working before you guys had kids or just after?
I hope you start with some reliable birth control…
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I’m a mom of 5 and military spouse so it’s been all me. I was blessed to stay home with the kids, but it’s freaking hard work and you can become resentful. These comments above are really mean and unfair not knowing the complete story. Maybe they can’t afford childcare even if they both work. It’s expensive. My oldest is 21 and youngest is 6. Here is the best way I can tell you to handle it, this time will pass quickly. Have a different perspective and it will help. Look at it as being a blessed time instead of such a stressed time. Find mommy friends and do things together with all of the kids so you can have your adult time as well, maybe take turns watching each others kids. It’s all about your mindset. Don’t waste time being resentful, in the end you will realize you missed out on the best times of your life even if that is hard to imagine right now.
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Girl, get them babies in daycare 2 days a week. I am also a SAHM and my husband works from 4am until God knows when. We have 2 kid’s now (7 and 8) plus my 16yr old step son on the weekends.
Hubs has been pushing for one more. I told him ok, but if we have another I’m going to put them in daycare for at least 1 day a week. I need some time to myself. A girl’s gotta get a pedicure and get some retail therapy in every once in a while.
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wow, you stated he is the ONLY one bringing an income to the home and you’re upset about taking care of the kids alone??? so get a job and pay for daycare… I was a military wife for over 16 years, was alone with kids for 3 separate deployments and not once did I complain. Not only was I doing it alone but hubby was gone for 18 months at a time. you gotta get a grip, this is just my opinion but you can do this, women have been raising kids alone for a long time now. my father was a marine and gone a lot, my mother raised 10 kids on her own. Be glad you don’t have to work and actually get this time with the kiddos, they grow fast and move away
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Hire a mother’s helper. And stop complaining.