My husbands ex constanty tries to turn the kids against him: Advice?

I have a question and need some advice. My husband and I have his children several days a week every week, and we do absolutely everything we can to make sure they have everything they need when they are with us and do as much as we can for them, but their mother constantly involves the kids in arguments between her and their father and she constantly posts on Facebook negative things about him even though she cheated on him with his best friend and was also part of the problem and is trying to turn his kids against him what should we do?

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My husbands ex constantly tries to turn the kids against him: Advice?

Counseling for the kids and if its truly causing damage a change in custody. Bitter baby mama syndrome isn’t good for the kids mentally and emotionally.

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Hold on tight until child is legal age. Then you can loosen your hold.

Im wondering how old are these kids . Also there’s always two sides to the story

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High conflict birth mothers are a thing. I suggest you do some research on it and be one step ahead of her and her tactics. Unfortunetly though, you cant control her, you can only control how you react to her. Try and be peaceful. Dont react. And where necessary,no contact with her unless its solely regarding the children. Establish more boundaries. Stick to them. Document everything. Never stoop to her level either.

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Lady you need to kick her ass.

Ignore it.
Kids figure out their two realities.
If something comes up to you, talk with your husband about it, and talk to the kids, as a United front.
Unfortunately, it happens, often.
DON’T ever talk poorly about their mother!!! This damages kids.
Be the adult.
Help them navigate it.
Ask questions like, “does this sound like something dad would say/do??”
Reiterate your love for them and ALWAYS keep the lines of communication open for them.
These kids will need a soft place to fall.
Be that place.

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Shrug your shoulders; ignore her and keep loving them.

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Depending on the state, it can be ordered that neither parent disparage the other parent on social media or in front of the children. The parent caught doing so can be held in contempt of court and can be used against them for a change of custody. Otherwise I would just continue to do the best you can for the children. They will grow up someday and realize the hate that was spread.

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See a lawyer and get court ordered therapy.
Also, have ot in the order that NOBODY is post or speak negatively about the other parent. If it keeps happening, file for custody.
My son’s father and I are NOT friends put I never behaved like that. Now sense in it bc it just makes her look salty and immature.

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There’s nothing you can do except keep doing what you’re supposed to. They’ll see on their own when they are older, if they have an issue and want to move in with y’all or whatever, if it’s their choice you can look up the age in your state they allow them a choice. But other than that, “What people think about you is none of your business” is the best saying I’ve ever heard. Let it go. Don’t feed into it or give it a single bit of attention.

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In most divorce/custody paperwork there is a clause specifically prohibiting this.

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Who looked to see who posted this to see if she was talking about you? Lmao :rofl:

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For one, you shouldn’t see her fb! But true she should not bash him in front of the kids at all! That’s not right! He’s still their father & kids should be able to not feel guilty about loving both parents. The best thing is to just ignore someone’s big mouth & just do what’s right. The kids will figure it out eventually

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Screenshot all the proof & take her back to court. Have it put in the paperwork or file for full custody.

Ignore her and don’t stoop to her level.

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Praying for you and wishing you the best. Everything you posted sounds like my fiancé’s ex wife. She turned all of his children against him and lied through court stuff. It was too late for us but I found a book called The Parallel Parenting Solution. Amazon has it. I follow the guys page on Instagram. Like someone said create boundaries and stick to them!!!

Just be good parents and do your part not to involve them. They’ll reach an age where they can see, for themselves, who the problem is. And they’ll appreciate that you and their dad did your best not to pull them into the drama.

Cyber stalking and bullying press charges

Just keep doing what you’re doing and love those kids. They will soon be old enough to see for themselves what’s going on. Don’t stoop to mom’s level and talk bad about her. Kids aren’t stupid, they will figure her out.

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Find a lawyer and get a free consultation.

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Say nothing to the kids.they arnt stupid and will quickly realize their mother is the toxic one.

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I would keep notes on a calendar for 3 months
Everything said on the date box it was said
Print FB statuses as backup

Then go speak to the court

Like anything verbal it’s hard to prove and to avoid the kids having to testify against mom you can document very detailed and prove your case. Never ask them what mom said, only spontaneous admissions.

Parental alienation is seriously frowned upon and hard to prove so do your part and document everything. Keep emotions out of it, just the facts.

The truth is… the court cannot FORCE her to stop. They can remove custody, do supervised visits but that’s all temporary.

Talk to the kids, tell them mom is struggling and talk often about how at one point their parents loved each other, just sometimes
anger makes people say things they don’t mean. Kids are smart. They’ll see through it.

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Pray…and just love the kids and ignore her

Still be positive it sounds crazy but I deal with that now… they get older they will see who bad mouths who and they will resent her for it.
Also if you are planning on going to court I can bet the papers say to praise eachother. 2 wrongs don’t make it right. Oh an document EVERYTHING if you do go to court it will help and act as proof… also look up or ask an attorney what the laws are in you state about recording… record the conversation you have with your kids (don’t coerce an answer you want for proof) but when they start to say mom said this mom said that about you start recording.
Screenshot the things she says on social media and print them out… text her and acknowledged things that have been said… even if she says no I didn’t say that you have some “proof” in the courts eyes. I can also bet court papers show not to involve the kids in arguments or plan changing

My dad did this to my brother and myself when we were growing up. I suggest you guys go to family counseling because it really can mess up a child’s mind long term. So sorry for your situation I really hope it works out for the kids

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Focus on the kids. Ignore the b…ch. if it affects the kids go to an attorney.

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Don’t trash the other parent in front of the children. My kids know his faults snd what he is. But he’s still thier dad. They get mad at him but like I said they love him and talking about him only hurts them. Eventually they will see it. My kids love me to. I get mad cuz I think he uses emotional blackmail which is very powerful but in the end he’ll see it. My ex has always been and will continue to be selfish it’s always about him. Things happen it’s always someone else’s fault. My kids know this. I’m just hear to support my children. Good luck.

Do not speak badly of her - her chickens will
Come home to roost . Don’t stoop to her level . The kids will also grow up and see her “ true colors “ .

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Ignore her. Completely. Only discuss the kids. Don’t worry about what she posts. Don’t look at it and don’t get people to send you what she’s saying. Ignore it I’m telling you.

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Fall back. Continue doing what you are doing, the kids are going to grow up and see for themselves. So ignore her negativity & don’t feed into it.

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Take her to court for defamation of character, slander, bullying, harassment, etc. sue tf outta her.

Or catch her outside and :facepunch:t5: her :lips::nose:t5:

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Do nothing. Eventually those kids will see her for who she is. That’s the best way really. She’s not going to take anything you have to say into consideration if she’s already not considerate.

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Mind your business that’s btw the two of them
…you weren’t in their lives when they was a couple…butt out …unless she drags your name in it …myob

Set the example to the kids. Say nothing bad to the kids about their mother.
Just document by saving voicemails or texts and Facebook posts as proof if you ever need, that you and your husband aren’t harassing her or contributing or participating.
Do not communicate with her unless it’s necessary because it’s about the children’s welfare or care, schedule, school.

You ignore it and do nothing. You take the high road and always always encourage the relationship. I know easier said then done. But I promise it will.pay off in the long run. The children will grow up and see what is going on with their eyes and make their own choices. NO matter what always love them kiddoes and always be available. And never talk negative in front of them about their mom.

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Tell u like everyone tells me if you truly love your husband :kissing_heart:you will be by his side thru everything you won’t give up all because babymama drama have the same issue her and her family putting shit in the kids head about him talk Mad shit about him but at end of the day u know what man he really is what dad he really is when u with someone who has kids this what you have to deal with there’s not much u can do it’s all nothing but talk live your life she just mad and jealous so she has to tell the kids lies about the father eventually maybe they will do the same to u but it’s just word’s let it go smile in her face tell her have a nice day

Just be honest with the kids and keep showing them that y’all Love them and what Family is about . They will learn

They know the truth, you have to take the high road, if the children ask questions don’t lie but use common sense and kind words. Very hard to do. Kids first.

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Two options:

Be as good to those kids as you can and know that your actions will vindicate you when they’re old enough to comprehend that they’re being manipulated. Resist the temptation to react negatively. This will backfire.

Or

Document everything and sue for custody. What’s happening is called parental alienation and it’s a form of child abuse.

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Honestly if I were in your position, i would
Document all of this
Do not engage or argue with her, don’t speaking badly or give your opinions of her.
Keep doing what you are doing and taking care of those kids and keeping their best interest in mind
Yes as a lot of people have stated, the kids will grow up seeing how she is BUT, they should not be seeing that behavior out of her, they shouldn’t have to grow up having to deal with that. Its traumatic for a kids, it makes them feel guilty for talking/spending time with their dad and it could make them scared or give them anxiety because they are afraid if they do mention it, mom will have her tantrum. It will seriously take a mental toll on a child, and it’s downright unhealthy for them. Honestly she needs therapy. If it’s an option and there is some kind of custody order in place, go back to court, Express your concerns, show the documentation if you keep it, the court will see her behavior as emotional abuse and actually may require her to seek therapy and/or make an order in which she is not allowed to socially post or speak badly about the other parent.
In any relationship with children, whether they are together or not, I do not believe in one parent bad mouthing the other. A child needs love from both with out having to worry of it’s going to upset the other parent. As a child grows, they should be allowed to form their own opinion. Not be brainwashed because all they hear is one parent badmouthing or opinions on the other.

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Her cheating and with who is completely irrelevant when it comes to the children
You and your husband need to lead by example
No bad mouthing the mom to or around the children
Continue to instill the need for respect for ALL parents
As the kids get older they will make up their own minds

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Take screen shots. If you have them several days, count the hours at the end of the year. If it amounts to more then her time. Tell him to file for them to live with him. Then I bet she’d stop the bullshit. Judges really need to punish bitter baby mamas.

Parental alienation is serious and real. It starts with a campaign of denigrating behavior and can lead to brainwashing of the children. Take appropriate action. Get kids in counseling and explain the issue to the counselor. You can ask the courts for family counseling as well. Ask for full custody if mother is unwilling to support and foster a healthy relationship. Children shouldn’t have to choose between loving one parent or the other. You can reach out to me if you would like!

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Ride it out the kids get older and will see exactly who the problem is she will end up turning her own kids against herself. Just love and support them kids the best the can till the realize what an idiot she is.

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Just carry on what your doing don’t eat into what she is saying

Kids always find out the truth and when they do she will regret what she has done

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It doesn’t matter what age the kids are just keep doing what you’re doing and love them and show them respect and that’s all you can do to love you later on in life if they don’t do so already now

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Don’t waste your breath defending him, it just feeds into it. If both of you are good to those kids and make sure their needs are met and they are treated as part of the family, they will know.

Defending himself against something like that only adds more fighting and drama to the situation, and defending himself to the kids only results in speaking badly about their mother which is a no no. By the time they are adults they’ll be able to see who the bigger person was.

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Do nothing. The kids know their dad takes care of them and loves them. Don’t sink to her level. Don’t defend nonsense. Don’t add to her behavior around the children. It’s damaging. Ignore her behavior

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Nothing, contuine to raise above. The kids will see for themselves. Don’t go down to her level. Children are smart and they know right from wrong, mean from nice. They’ll learn for themselves the things mom says about dad isn’t true

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Just keep being a positivity pep squad and don’t let her drag you guys into stuff like that. But I’d also document things she’s posting on Facebook and anything she’s trying to start or force in front of the kids, stuff the kids repeat. Might be handy in the future if she tries to cause custody drama.

Just make sure that the time the spend with you guys reinforces that they are very loved and valued by their dad, always show respect for the mum, and keep it honest but positive as much as possible.

You could always suggest counselling or a co-parenting workshop to do with the mother so that maybe you guys can get to a more cohesive space to work from. But unfortunately that takes all parties to get to.

Ultimately. The kids will notice the difference - doesn’t matter what Mum says though if they are always seeing that their dad comes through, that their dad is hard working and a good person.

Rise above it and keep being there for the kids. They will see for themselves whose in the wrong.
Be the bigger person and kill the negativity with kindness :slightly_smiling_face:

Nothing, just smile and rise above it, clearly she wants a reaction so don’t give in to that pettiness. I’d be overly nice to her too😜

You shouldn’t do anything it’s got nothing to do with you. Make him take her to court simple

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My husbands ex constantly tries to turn the kids against him: Advice?

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My husbands ex constantly tries to turn the kids against him: Advice?

I’d take her to court and ask the judge to require both parents to refrain from bad comments against each other. Dunno how feasible it is but maybe a person of authority reminding her not to be a dick will help her be less of a dick.

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That’s a shame! Just continue to be great patents. Never say negative things about their mother, maybe consoling. When they’re grown they will know who lied and was at fault! My grown kids did! Prayers sent for your family!

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I’ve been in your situation for Years. DO NOT get into it. Ignore any and all the stuff she says and never talk bad about their mom. They will eventually find out for themselves what’s going on. They will get older and know exactly what she’s doing. It will come back to bite her later when her kids want nothing to do with her toxicity.

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I would definitely get the kids into therapy and keep doing the best you can. Also, like others said, it’s in my parenting plan that neither parent can talk bad about the other in front of the child, nor can any third parties. You could go back to court if it gets that bad to have it added

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Just keep being good parents like you are doing! Sooner or later kids can see things for themselves! I make it a point to NEVER talk bad about my ex in front of our kids- to them he is their superhero and I cant imagine hurting my kids by trying to change that! Is he perfect? Not by a long shot but eventually they will see him for who he is on their own. I’m sorry his ex isnt mature enough to handle co-parenting without badmouthing him but you just keep showing those kids that YOU are! :sparkling_heart:

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Just be the bigger person and ignore it. Kids see and know who is in the wrong eventually.

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Document everything. Take it to court. Get the kids into therapy as it’s emotional abuse so they will need someone to explain it to them.

Collect all evidence and take it to court and get full custody. Or ignore it. Kids are smarter than they’re given credit for. In time they will figure it out for themselves and when that day comes as long as you don’t get involved in her drama it’s going to be her who loses the respect of her children.

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Don’t say bad things about their mother, and time will tell the truth. They will eventually see what their mother is doing

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Maybe the answer is: “Nothing”. You don’t have to react to everything you hear or see or even know. Eventually the kids will believe what they see and FEEL rather than gossip. You cannot control what the ex says, unless it gets into a slander court case. You CAN control your treatment of the kids, your attitude, your thoughts.

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I’m sorry for everything y’all are going through! As a child of divorce with a manipulative parent, that person will end up catching themselves in their own web. It might take some time (which will be heartbreaking for the both of you) but the kids will come to realize who the honest parents were.
Hang in there! They’ll need your support while they discover the truth! They may blame you both initially, but don’t take it to heart! They know that you both are a safe place to land their displaced anger, because they know you love them!
Stay strong!!!

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Actions speak louder than words. The other parent can try to poison the mind but actions speak for themselves. Speaking from experience in dealing with both my x spouse and his with kids involved. We’ve been at out wits ends with kids and drama so many times but we continue to love our kids and teach them logic. It’s lots of heartbreak but worth holding fast to what you want for everyone. Don’t play into the game, it’s not the kids fault.

Your husband needs to take her to court. They can put it in their papers that neither party are allowed to bad mouth the other in front of the children. Good luck!

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The best thing you can do is ignore it… block her on social media and any mutual friends that will go back and tell your business. Have a great time with the kids when they are with you guys…. The kids will figure out on their own who the nut job is… all in due time

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Clearly the people who say “ignore it, keep doing what you’re doing, block” have never heard or experienced “parental alienation”. It’s a real thing and talking bad about a parent can lead to this and extremely hard to reverse.

First thing to do is court. File immediately. Get all evidence you can that shows how she’s bad mouthing him. Gather witnesses if possible. Record any and all convos if your state is an one party state on recordings. Make it put that if she bad mouths, she’ll be held in contempt and could pay a fine or lose custody. Therapy. Therapy for everyone!! If y’all don’t intervene now, things will get so much harder.

Good luck sm!! Stepmom of 10 years here and it’s HARD.

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Keep being the bigger person. Kids aren’t stupid. They get older. They will
Realize what’s going on.
Don’t stoop to that level.

Why you reading what she posts? That is literally the worst thing to do…that definitely will stress you out, wear you out, and add more unnecessary drama. Move on from it. Just create a safe environment with no negativity in your own home. Involving courts or not is not going to stop it. It’s just unnecessary energy spent. Smile, wave, and move on from the drama you are involving yourself in. Yes, involving yourself in: she creates the drama but you respond to it…you are choosing to.

Get them into therapy and keep on being good parents. They will see the truth eventually

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Like everyone has said take it to court . Also never bad mouth her in front of the kids . It might take time but the kids will realize everything for themselves. My ex sister in law tried to do this with her ex my (BIL) . She made up so many lies and even tried to get all of us adults against him ( my husband’s brother) . Eventually the kids realized where all the toxicity came from

I have this issue with my children’s father and stepmother. I do not speak badly about them nor try to hinder their relationships. The same cannot be said for them towards me though. My 14 year old daughter knows the memories of when we were together. However my 17 year old son is told nothing but awful things about me. I bend over backwards to give him extra time with them or for functions. He has them 3 wknds a month to my 1 wknd a month. He will not allow them to attend anything for friends or family during his time. My son begged for them to come home 3 hours early a few weekends ago for a surprise party for my 40th bday. I have to give him those hours back even though I let him have my son for a week during what is my allotted time. I do nothing right. From the way they eat (we order out 1 day a week) they eat 1 meal a day at their house and it’s fast food at 10pm. I’ve given up and realize my kids see through the bs. They know. It doesn’t have to be said. Take the high road and let her do her thing. It will eventually come back to bite her in the butt bc kids do not forget. However, her cheating is not for you to speak about and is irrelevant to the kids.

Nothing you really can do. You can’t control her. Just continue to provide a safe haven for the kids and continue to love and support them. Allow them to feel safe, supported, and heard in your house. If they bring things up and are older, ask them what they think about it, and try to use it as a teaching moment for correct behavior and making sure they know you are a person they can come to and speak to about things that are troubling their heart. If she truly is being vindictive, they will see through her behavior and know where they feel loved, wanted, and cared for.

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Expect many years of childish shenanigans. My husbands kids are 19&16 and are finally seeing through the bullshit. It gets better but it takes a long time…I’ve been dealing with this sort of thing for almost 12 years.

You really can’t do much, those types only retaliate in reaction to whatever you might do. Just know, it may hurt and it may take time, but eventually the kids will see through it and know better. It will be a tough road- but stay on the higher road- don’t crouch to her level ever- and one day they will see her for what she really is

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Do not get involved in the bitterness. Just help love her and show her a women that its above all the drama. Be active at school plays active in sports. Be the one who teaches her how to pray for others.

Just tell her she’s wrong for involving children in adult matters and her consequences of that is that one day when the children have grown into adults they are going to fully understand that their own mother was trying to manipulate and play games with them against their father when they were little and they will lose all respect and trust for her. Children don’t stay children forever and they really do remember a lot…
If you have to I would get a counselor involved if it’s causing real issues with the kids towards you and their father… but whatever you do don’t play the games with her! Stay neutral and they will remember that you and their father were never the ones that were causing them so much stress and/or confusion. You want to be the stability and security for them not the drama.

Sounds exactly like my life. Nothing you can do but love the kids and hope her bullsh*t doesn’t skew them too much against you.

My ex did the same thing, and as my daughter got older she started to know it’s all a lie. Now she tells me I’m smart for leaving her daddy. Trust me kids aren’t stupid. They catch on, just do what you’re already doing and keep reminding them you love them and will be there for them no matter what your ex tells the kids.

Your kids will believe on what they actually saw. So if their dad is doing great and make his best towards them… Then, they would see if who’s the problem.

Ignore an just bring the kids up when there with dad and u an dont raise to it she soon be bored of the same crap

Somehow get a guy setup with her so she’ll lay off of you guys and start focusing on ruining another man’s life :rofl:

If they were married and have a custody agreement there is a stipulation punishable by contempt clause that each cannot speak poorly of the other or it’s contempt

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i would confront her. Have a heart to heart. You and your SO, she and hers. Explain that you’ve been hearing some people say that she’s been talking about your SO, and explain that you’re not just mad, you’re more worried for the kids. What if they see this kind of thing? What if they start adopting this opinion about their Dad. What if others keep their kids away from them (the kids) thinking that there is a lot of discord in the relationship still. Kids need to have co parents who are on the same page. They also need to not feel bad when they are leaving one to go to the other. Living in two homes is still very difficult for children, so just point out that working together is in their best interest. Maybe have your SO apologize to her if he has ever been rude in the past and then ask that maybe from here on in, you work together as a team. I don’t know what else to suggest, as I know being vindicative or trying to «show her» will only lead to more heartbreak for you and her. Good luck.

Who cares? Adding to the drama doesn’t stop drama. Sit the kids down and tell them relationships ending is hard on everyone and you’re sorry she is choosing to move on this way but if they ever hear anything they have questions about you’re open to discuss it without judgement.

Nothing. You should do nothing. Do your best to make the kids time with you calm and stress free. That’s it. That’s your job.

Keep showing the kids how much y’all love them. Refrain from saying negative things about her and just go on with you lives. The kids will see through her bullshit soon enough.

She is childish and totally disrespectful towards both of you and her children. Keep on doing the best for the kids. Tell them to try not to let their mum upset them and whatever you do don’t put their mother down in front of them you are the good guys so let the kids see that and depending on their ages sooner or later they will see who is at fault. As for FB can’t you block her and also have her charged with slander.

You do nothing! Kids are smart! They see what’s going on. Never bad mouth the x and never get sucked into an argument the kids will see play out negatively. Just don’t.
Be a bigger person, tell them you love them and your sorry mom says bad stuff. You love them no matter what!
Eventually it comes around and it will turn on her sadly.

Kids watch, they are smart, be an upstanding dad the best he can and let the drama go

Do you have a parenting plan? If so make sure this is outlined in the plan. Then if she does it keep a record of what happened. After a few time take her to court.

Children should never be involved in grown up issues.

Been there done that best I can tell ya sit down have a honest talk with the kids and explain that your sorry they are caught up in this and make sure they know your always there for them and that their moms drama isnt about them it’s about her having her own inside issues to handle and hug them as they age if u dont give into the drama and just stay the course with them they know the truth if u give into her drama it’s like creating a spoiled brat because she get attention for her actions most likely she knows she messed up a good thing and its jealously period she isnt happy so she is trying to make u unhappy

When they get older like 14 or 15 wait for them to ask you your side and just tell them the truth🤷 but wait till there older. But don’t bash the other parent regularly if you have to lightly bash when you tell your side so be it. But keep it out as much as you can … My dad’s side bashes my mom and honestly it just makes me not want to be around them
My dad doesn’t bash my mom ,the only time he did was when he told me his side of things and that was it. My mom doesn’t talk about my dad but it’s mainly been negative if he does get brought up we tend to just my talk about him but it’s never affected my relationship with him. But when he told me his side it was more informative … I believe both my parents. Neither is known for lying … but my dad’s side would say my mom is a liar whore ect. But I grew up with her. I know her. And I know my dad. …

Nothing…ignore her. Keep treating the kids good. They grow up and will eventually see it.

That’s so sad. All you guys can do is be the bigger people and realize that one day the kids WILL see the truth. Don’t retaliate, don’t trash talk her to the kids, just be the peace :ok_hand: