My husbands ex is allowing her boyfriend to sleep in the same bed as their daughter: Advice?

Does the child ever lay with y’all? If so case closed. As long as he isn’t a touchy type then don’t be worried. Nothing can replace the bonding time between parents and child. No matter if its their child or not dont block extra love unless it’s absolutely needed. And if they aren’t doing adult things while she is in the bed then no harm done.

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You say, “THAT IS NOT ALLOWED”!

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Why does an 8 year old have a boyfriend ?!

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First off, why does an 8 year old have a boyfriend? Secondly, why the hell are they allowed to have sleepovers? Voice your concern! That’s not ok and the fact that it’s being allowed is just strange

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Fuck that, hurt feelings and start wars over your kids safety any day!!

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Eight is way too young for that.

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Your child’s safety is more important than hurt feelings so I’d just come right out and address it.

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Don’t worry about hurting anyone’s feelings or starting a war that’s no way shape or form acceptable

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You me his ex and her boyfriend are sleeping with the 8 yr old in bed with them?. No no way it’s not right

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Is it the mom’s boyfriend and 8yr old sleeping alone in the bed. Or is it mom, boyfriend and daughter in one bed.?

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The mom is letting the 8 year old sleep in the bed with THE MOMS boyfriend geez folks :roll_eyes:

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Correction on my comment. I misread it. No one should be sleeping in bed with an 8 year old. Especially the moms boyfriend. That’s not ok

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That isn’t right at all. I would not allow that under any circumstances

More context is needed. Is the 8yo climbing in bed with the mom & mom’s boyfriend?
Or is the 8yo in the bed with the moms boyfriend alone?

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No that is disgusting that should never happen

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Just say that it’s not appropriate. I would never allow anyone to share a bed with my son apart from myself.

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How long have they been together?
I dunno. I mean my girls are 4 and 3 and they come cuddle in bed with me and my boyfriend every chance they get. I leave for a bit and come back to my girls cuddled up with my boyfriend like he’s a teddy bear. I don’t see anything wrong with it. We’ve been together going on 3 years.

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Alone or with her?? How do the kids feel about it?? Are they comfortable with it??

These days and time you have to look out for the child’s best interest and safety with that said your husband needs to talk to his ex and let her know that in no way shape or form is this alright. Put a stop to it or he will be requesting his child stay with him full time and she will get visitations. To many children are getting harmed and killed by people’s boyfriends/girlfriends.

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Be up front about it.

He is molesting her! She has to know it’s happening to!!! Ain’t no dude asking to sleep with someone’s daughter and ain’t no mother worth a damn not gonna know wtf is going on!!!

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Completely inappropriate

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I think a child sleeping in bed with anyone other than the biological parent is just not okay

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8 years old?? FK off!!

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Why is her bf ok with this. U would think he would be uncomfortable with that it’s not his daughter

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She needs to set safer boundaries. He’s not her father… Definitely voice your concerns, it’s not appropriate.

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Turn in to cops that’s not ok

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Spidey senses going off.

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You get off Facebook and you call the police. I do not play when it comes to my kids. This is absolutely 100% a
h%$ to the f$#@ NAH!!! My daughter is 8. If my ex husband found out my anyone was laying in bed with her you can bet your ass I’d no longer have custody of her. I just cant even believe this is a question. GO TO WAR FOR THAT LITTLE GIRL

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Would need so much more information. Is the daughter climbing into bed with mom and boyfriend? Is mom not home at the time and she climbed into bed with boyfriend. I mean would you think it weird if the little girl were sleeping in the same bed as your girlfriend? (I’m assuming your the father) My kids have slept in bed with my husband (not their father) for naps and such. They also slept in the same bed as their stepmom (both boys and girls)

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You both as parents oughta have more common sense to know the danger of the whole damn situation! Your on here asking for advice??? Be a mom go tend to your daughter who isn’t going to tell you shit because he done convinced her she will get in trouble and you will be mad at her! I can’t believe this was even a question! To a degree I shouldn’t be so harsh because as a parent we never want to think or believe the worst be step back and look at it from a different perspective!

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It’s only weird if you make it weird?

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Totally inappropriate.

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Address the situation politely once and if it’s not resolved immediately, go to your lawyer or DHS. I don’t think the police would do anything because there isn’t a “law” prohibiting this.

Hurt those feeling… cuz that ain’t right!

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Is she sleeping in the bed with the mom and the boyfriend because she won’t sleep alone or just her and the boyfriend?

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I’d call CPS /the police and get them all involved right now! No man should be sleeping in the same bed as any child that isn’t his. Why do you need Facebook to tell you what to do here?? Get the absolutely fuck out of here! Be a parent and protect your child.

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You are the child’s voice and protection - hurt feelings be damned!

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If you were sleeping in bed with child would these answers be the same? :tipping_hand_woman:

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F*ck not wanting to upset anyone, Go to war for that baby. You and yours need to sit the other couple down and fix this.

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No! Do not let her over there

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Honestly, you need to get more information. We have a mixed extended family (cousins, nieces, nephews etc). Is he raising her? How long have they been together? Do you know him? It is absolutely RIDICULOUS to assume this man is molesting the girl. I know PLENTY of step dads who sleep in the same bed with their spouse and children INNOCENTLY. Now if this is a new boyfriend FINE, TOTALLY understandable. But let’s get info first. You cannot accuse this man of molestation or rape without knowing first. And for the people who are saying that you’re own children should not sleep in bed with you- that’s seriously sad. I have a king size bed and all 3 of my children sleep in bed with mom and dad. That does not mean we are sick or rapist- we simply are OK with bonding and comforting our kids if they get scared at night and feel better sleeping next to mom and dad.

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And people are psycho lol!

First I’d ask the daughter questions. She’s old enough to answer and you will know if she’s telling the truth. Mine are 12,8,&4 granted there’s no boyfriend or stepchildren involved they all end up in our bed usually the younger 2 on a nightly basis. I would just have your husband voice to his ex you feel like it’s not appropriate and you’d prefer it didn’t happen - especially if it doesn’t happen at yalls house. To many things can be said - kids can lie- and he doesn’t want anything started on something that can be prevented. Period … make it into you want it for everyone’s protection.

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Although it’s more comfortable for kids to sleep with their parents, I also think by this age the child should be their own bed. I wouldn’t be alarmed about the situation, but I would encourage them to work on getting her to sleep in her own bed, which takes time

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You guys are all being super rude and ignorant. She is going to approach the situation she just doesn’t want their to be drama or anything which often happens when you attempt to tell another parent that they aren’t doing something right or that something their doing is inappropriate.

Be kind people.

We’re all fucking human.

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My son will crawl into bed with me and my boyfriend while we sleep and we don’t notice until the morning, my son is 4 and my boyfriend has been around since he was 2. But my daughter is 6 and she will not crawl into bed with us unless she is sick which has been maybe twice, they always sleep on the outside of the bed with me in the middle, I do feel like it’s situational and dependent on age, but the daughter in this situation is 8 and it sounds like an every night thing, I would have an issue with that

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If they don’t stop immediately I’d call social services and they will put a stop to it because that is not okay

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Ps. SHES TALKING ABOUT HER HUSBANDS CHILD WHICH MEANS SHE IS STEP MAMA TO BABY AND HAS A LANE IN WHICH IM SURE SHE IS SUPOOSED TO REMAIN IN. her asking us for advice for an approach was just that ADVICE ON HOW TO APPROACH THE SITUATION. nothing more .

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I would have it put in the custody agreement that the child doesn’t share a bed with non parents

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Um I highly suggest you address it and if the mother doesnt do anything, call cps.
My mother ALLOWED her boyfriend to do shit to me

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I would have it put in the custody agreement that the child doesn’t share a bed with non parents

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Hello you stupid people. You need to ask such advice

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So all u guys just assume hes a child molestor? This is really messed up all of u have issues. Once again this a really hard situation to get opinions for. U could ruin this guys life because of some stupid stuff. But in the other way we dont kno this guy im not standing up for him

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In my opinion there is not enough information for advice or judgment… But I did see a few flags. 1) the woman is referring to her husband’s co-parent as “the ex”, she’s not the ex she’s the child’s mother and co-parent. 2) at the end she says we just want to protect “our” child . The child is the co-parents child as well. 3) How do you “the writer” effectively know what is going on in the co-parents home? 4) when the writer says the child is sleeping in the bed with the mom and the boyfriend, does this mean that the child does not have its own bed and is co-sleeping, or does this mean that the child has nightmares and goes in and sleeps in the mom’s bed? because I have a seven-year-old and when he has nightmares he will come and climb in my bed. But has his own bed. 5) not every guy out there is a pedophile, just because the writer (the Dad’s wife) feels uncomfortable about the situation, doesn’t mean that the mom is doing something wrong by raising her child how she feels she should raise that child in her own home. 7) If this were a married mom and dad co-sleeping with their child there would not be such a disgust for the situation. We don’t know how long the boyfriend has been in the picture, We don’t know the living situation of the family… what if they can only afford a one-bedroom place…

I was once in a similar situation where my co-parents girlfriend at the time stayed over, my youngest at the time was 3, And he slept in the bed with my co-parent and the girlfriend. Did I like the situation no. Was I upset/ jealous that my baby was snuggling with another woman that was not his mother at night time when he had a bad dream, yes… But did I ultimately trust my co-parent and his parenting decisions in his own home… yes.

There’s just not enough information to give advice or judgment.

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Why would he WANT to sleep with an 8 year old?

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How long have they been together? Does she sleep with them in bed as well?

There’s a lot of questions to be answered before jumping the gun.

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Fuck that. Go to war. He’s her father… it doesn’t matter what law or anything would say it’s okay, if he says no THEN ITS NO. Period.

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Why anit he sleeping with his gf why the child that’s crazy wrong I wouldn’t trust no one to sleep with my kids especially not even her dad :rage::rage::rage:

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No grown ass man should be laying with your baby if he is not the father PERIOD! Not just alone…like NEVER! The Dude himself should be putting a stop to that if he has any sense! I wouldn’t be scared to say something NOW than nothing that may end up being something worse down the road… her father as a father needs to speak up!

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This needs more info .
People are jumping to conclusions all over these damn comments :face_with_thermometer:
Maybe the child is just climbing into bed with the mum and stepdad ? My daughter does that :woman_shrugging:t2:
Maybe they have been together since the child was super young and she just feels comfortable about it ?
The child is 8 , be a grown up and talk to her . Talk to the other parents . Not that hard .

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I think loads of you are reading this wrong… so she’s allowing her child to share a bed with her mother and potentially her step father? … what’s the issue ?

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Sounds like the mother and father need to talk if they both feel the need not the step mom sorry not sorry I am a step mother .but it’s not my place to address anything with my husband’s children it’s his and if he thinks it worth a talk to the mother than so be it .we all have opinions but we are not all the mother and father of this child . The father should take care of this issue if it’s even his issue again sorry not sorry . It’s not a step parents place it’s the parents stay out of it .

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Um what the heck?! Thats 1. Asking for trouble and 2. Not protecting the daughter in any shape or form…

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Not to mention you have all of these ppl already calling this man out of his name for something that he’s not doing wrong and no proof of wrong doing . My son who is 7 sleeps in my bed my step daughter who is 9 will also sleep in the bed not often but she will does thAt mean I’m some how doing something wrong to either one of the kids NO!!! .let the mother and father take care of this

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Some questions shouldn’t be asked, answered or addressed on social media. This is one of them. Speak with legal counsel if you really don’t have any idea how to approach it. There are organizations that give free legal advice. Best of luck

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I feel like unless the child brings it up as an issue you should leave it alone bc you seem to be accusing the boyfriend of something that’s never happened?

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Talk to her. See if there is any reason to be concerned before you act. If there is go for it, but if there isn’t be happy that she feels comfortable with the situation. Breaking up is hard for kids too.

Making a child a sexual abuse victim, without any reason to believe so?

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Some of these stories are really smelling like bull shit just to get people riled. Not telling the whole story

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Depends on the situation
My 8yo lays in bed with me and my BF (Not her father) but I’m always in the middle! My BF is the only male roll modle my girls have, he is super respectful only hugs them and tells them kisses are for mum, step parents need to have a relationship with a child that lives in the house or the relationship between parent and the partner will never work

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So many people in this group have major issues :rofl: not everyone is a molester. If dad doesn’t trust the childs mother he needs to address it. You being uncomfortable doesn’t matter if he, the father, trusts the mother of his child and theres no signs of touching or anything other than sleeping. I feel you left out details intentionally so people encouraged you to do what you already want to do.

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Why does everyone point the finger and call someone a pedophile and demand to call laywers and police on such tiny information… For all everyone knows he could have been in the picture for those 8 years and the daughter sees him as a dad and just jumps in bed with mum and dad sometimes completely innocent and zero abuse going on and this persons just cracking the shts over nothing because she doesn’t like the ex. No one can really give proper advice on such small information :woman_shrugging: if your needing advice put up all the dam information!

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Worrying about hurting anyone’s feelings, should not be a concern!
I would have your husband talk to his ex wife immediately. That is extremely inappropriate, and should be approached without worrying about anyone but your daughter.

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If the child isn’t in any real danger , hasnt said anything about her stepdad then what goes on in their home doesnt concern you.

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I’ll just leave this here

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I can’t believe some of you. Not every man is a pedophile! Not one time was that even mentioned as a concern in this post.

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You are her voice!!! Do not let her go there to spend the night!!! Have a emergency court hearing now!!!

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Why the hell does the EIGHT year old daughter need to share a bed with anyone in the first place!? Let alone an adult Male?

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Seriously some of you need to get a grip. Not once was it stated that he had done anything other than sleep in the same bed, which is the issue that (if you read this properly both step-mum and dad) they have. And I have to agree depending on the situation. If mum is in bed too, that’s fine, but if not it is inappropriate (also again depending on the length of time they have been together etc etc) BUT it is in her right to be concerned as she has CHOSEN to love this little girl, and if she just stood back and then something did happen you people would be the first to tell her she should’ve done something about it. Jeeze people really piss me off with their judgement

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It’s insane how majority of you see NOTHING wrong with this, when in fact it’s totally inappropriate and why would the mother believe that this is okay ?!?!? Who knows how many boyfriends she’s already had around that little girl. Terrible situation overall bc too many ppl are sick these days and shame on the boyfriend for even being comfortable to be sharing a bed w his girlfriend’s 8 yr old daughter. Sick.

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So, let me get this straight. Your husband’s ex is allowing their daughter to sleep in bed with her(the ex) boy friend and everybody is gonna jump to his some sort of pedophile??? This is something that does need to be discussed but I definitely wouldn’t have put this out on the internet, especially not Facebook. Your husband and his ex need to be the ones involved in that conversation, you and her boy friend as well if they feel the need for you two to be involved.

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What? So little info.

I get it that not every man is a paedophile but life has become a nightmare with tales of abuse every second of every day.Mums become paranoid about everything-safety first is priority so don’t blame them for fearing the worst- rather safe than sorry. Yes if the man is genuinely loving and good it’s a bonus but can you blame any mum for being this way

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I understand the concern but is it warranted? If so u call cps not pist online. Just cause u dont like something doesn’t make it wrong. Be adult and have a real conversation with the family about things or go to the police because if u really felt there was a danger of more then ur hurt feelings u wouldn’t be posting online.

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Go beat the boyfriend’s ass and report him to the law.

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Coming from a step parent I don’t think age matters so much, as it matters how everyone feels about it! Ie the child… as well as the situation or context in which it is happening … more info is needed

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Is he a father figure who has been around since she was a baby? I agree with Leslie Giles, not enough info

It’s all crap not every adult is a child abuser, get a grip people let get on with there lives

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Unless the guy gives a reason for concern I dont see why this is a terrible thing. Sounds to me like it’s a jealousy issue more than anything else.

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Uhh no way. 100% inappropriate!! Obviously not everyone is a creep. but she’s 8!!! She deserves her privacy!

Weird, at best. I’d make it clear to the ex that it’s not acceptable and if she argues or ignores, call CPS. They may be able to get it through to her that it’s not acceptable.

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CPS wouldn’t even allow that. I’d call, child services dude foreal.

Worrying about hurting anyone’s feelings, should not be a concern!

Not appropriate at all, do something about this immediately

If there is bad things happen… then id take it to the police. But if its just her sleeping with mom… whats the issue? Does she sleep in bed with you and her father? Its the same dang thing… sorry…

My bfs kids don’t even sleep with us, they sleep in their own beds.

You’ve all got issues! Calling him paedophile and pervert etc while kids out there are actually being abused and molested :roll_eyes: my son sleeps in bed with me. He’s 9. Does that make me a nonce? Sometimes my partner is in bed too. Does that make him a nonce? Absolutely not! And if anyone. ANYONE. Tried coming to my home and dictating otherwise they’ll be leaving with a black eye and pan wrapped round their heads!
The ONLY thing that matters is if the daughter feels comfortable. And I highly doubt she’d jump into bed with them if she wasn’t.

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No no not. Put your foot down. Trust your gut. For 10 years my sisters and I were abused by my step father. Do not allow the same to happen to your baby. Even if it’s innocent, if you don’t like it. It needs to end.

I gotta leave this comment section. Some of these women are infuriating and need their kids taken away

Flat out tell her? Thats inappropriate.

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