Hi! I’ve been dating my boyfriend for almost six months. He just started co-parenting with his ex after a rough few years of court battles and her not letting him see his child. Now he is able to see his child, and she has since apologized to him about her actions in the past, which I am extremely happy about. They live a few hours apart, and I recently rode with him to pick his son up and met his ex. Now a week later she wants to move to the city that we live in which I’m all for, but the thing is she asked if she and her son could spend the night with my boyfriend while she came for a visit. He told her no, but this is the third time she has asked to have a sleepover since we’ve been dating, and he said no each time. This last time I got really mad because I feel like this issue keeps coming up, and they need to have a serious discussion about boundaries. Is it acceptable to have sleepovers with your ex and your child when your ex is dating someone? I understand co-parenting but feel like that is inappropriate and disrespectful. Although I would love for us all to spend time together
I mean if you were there I could see it but it sounds like you don’t love together and it would be just them which would be a no from me.
That’s so weird. Lol. Hard no.
If you are uncomfortable with it then no. Sounds like he is uncomfortable with it too which is why he has told her no. Sounds like she needs to be reminded about boundaries
I wouldn’t let my X stay at my house for any reason. But thats me. Back him up she can stay with a friend or get a cheep hotel or drive home.
Not appropriate at all. Maybe in her mind she wants to give it another go. I don’t trust her.
My ex husband use to stay at my house because it was a 4 hour drive. We were great friends after we divorced. Him and his new wife stay with us as we do them. It our normal. All of our kids love it
Ya no… tell her to get a hotel for herself and the child can stay with dad:
If all of yall were there that’s different, but if you aren’t there, that’s a definite no! I would be upset too, the child should be with his dad and see you getting along with his mother but spending the night is stretching it a bit. Makes me wonder what she has planned? Ex for a reason I’m just saying?
Absolutely not , tell her to book an hotel
Are you staying there that night too? How does she treat you? What’s the relationship like. If you aren’t there I’d say no but if it’s a whole family thing I’d talk about it and boundaries. Pm if you’d like to chat I know both sides of this discussion
That’s suspicious and weird to me, sorry but just keeping it real!
My boyfriend and I of a year live together. His ex has gotten into some interesting situations with her and her current boyfriend. I have offered to go pick her up from these incidents. I would absolutely let her stay at my house if needed for her safety or the safety of their kids…but to just hang out because of visiting and spend the night…nope.
Nope. If a woman is truly over her ex she isn’t going to want to stay the night. Thats just weird. Tell her to get a room.
If y’all can be civil enough for a night’s sleep over, with her spending the night sleeping with the child, that kind of mature relationship between y’all will speak volumes to that child… In the long run, it’s the child who will benefit from health relationships between all parents.
He needs to set boundaries, which it sounds like he’s trying but he needs to flat out say no.
Or be supportive. Showing his child that the adults and gay along wouldn’t be a bag thing.
Sounds to me like she just doesn’t want the child to be there without her. Good for dad for saying no… keep saying no. The court would say no also
If you’re there then I don’t see any issue, if you’re not there then yes that’s inappropriate.
My ex husband has stayed at my house many times over the years, my home will always be opened to him if he needs a place to crash for whatever reason. I’ve just asked him to wait until my husband is home to come over.
Maybe she doesn’t have the money for a hotel? Who knows the reason but as long as you’re there & are comfortable with it, I don’t see the big deal.
My partners ex became one of my really good friends over time… Odd situation most don’t understand but for us it worked. Perhaps if you are there too, it will ease some anxiety. Having a spare room or separate guest space is helpful aswell but I get not everyone has that option
No as a new step mom an having 2 baby mama ex’s and even b4 me an him got married cause we kinda didnt follow protocol (dated for about 2 3 months got engaged then pregnant then married this past feb an in a few days we will be celebrating our 1 year anniversary as we are preparing for my 1st his 4th) but if his ex asked to stay with the kid at his home I would have to be saying no an if he does agree I would make the condition of u have to be there not cause u dont trust him but cause you dont know or trust her
My husband and I have been together for 10 years and I’m a bonus mom to our oldest they live 6 hours away we have had her mom stay with us on several occasions and even have had family BBQs. We haven’t always been on this dynamic. But honestly it makes all of our kids so happy. It was something talked thoroughly and we have never had any issues on the contrary I feel like our co parenting has only grown stronger.
Co parenting doesn’t mean you have to be bffs. There needs to be boundaries set out of respect for each other and the process of moving on.
Not acceptable at all.
Well it is called a couch for her n the bedroom for u n ur boyfriend n the other bed for the child. It’s not like she would sleep in same room as you guys?
It depends on her and how she is. My husband and I live in Delaware and his ex used to live in Florida with his son. My husband traveled to Florida to see his son and I couldn’t always go with him due to work or the fact that I didn’t feel like traveling such a long distance for such a short time with such small children.
My husband stayed over at his ex’s house (it was a mutual decision within all of us since it was cheaper than getting a hotel down there) and I know nothing happened.
All three of us had a very good relationship. Unfortunately, she just passed two months ago and that won’t be happening anymore but I’m thankful for the way all three of us always put my stepsons happiness first. You don’t know how much he loved to see everybody coming together for him.
If you don’t feel too comfortable with it, find out if she’s doing it out of spite or due to financial reasons. And try to get to know her! It will help things a lot in the long run
Hell no, no way I would go for that
Not ok for her to stay unless you stay too.
I think it all just depends on where you all are at. I wouldnt find it weird to spend the night at my kids fathers house because hiss wife and i are really good friends and we all co parent really well. they could stay at my place and i could stay there and it not be weird… but not every co parenting couple is at that place and thats cool too
If things were cordial when they got divorce and if she wasn’t so harsh about coparenting then maybe yes but since she was a crazy person that would be a big NO. It sounds like she wants him back since he has you now and she uses their child as an excuse. She has mental issues if she keeps asking. Maybe you should talk to her and set the record straight
You need to find out why. If it’s to save money on boarding then there’s a difference. If you don’t feel threatened then there’s nothing wrong with it honestly. She’s an out of town guest. As long as you’re there with them there shouldn’t really be an issue.
Does she want to stay the night there because she can’t afford a hotel room? Are there financial issues involved here rather than her just wanting to spend the night with him
Every situation is different. Think about why it’s not ok. Do you have a spare room is it a long drive. Other than jealousy is there any other reason to say no? Do you trust him do your trust her. Do you trust yourself. I don’t know if I could handle it on a regular basis. There are exceptions to everything
My husband and I are married. And my child’s father is having a rough time, and has asked to move in temporarily, to get his life together. Grow up maybe?
My boyfriend and I sleep over at his ex’s sometimes for the visits. We are almost 2 hours away. We have the guest/game room, and her and her husband have their room. They include my 2 kids too.
My dad used to stay at my Moms condo with us for family time. But they weren’t dating other people. So I would say that unless you were there or there was some sort of financial reason why she couldn’t stay elsewhere while the son stays with dad, then I’d say it’s inappropriate.
This seems to be an unpopular opinion, but yes. Only on the condition that you were there as well.
I think if it’s not something you and your partner are comfortable with then you two should be responsible for picking him up AND taking him back to his mums after aswell.
Because I don’t think it’s fair she drives a few hours to drop him off then another few hours for her to go back home. Then she picks him up which takes a few hours again and then finally home again for another few hours lol I’d be asking to crash on the couch as well 
My husband’s ex and her son (not his) has lived with us before, stayed the night, hung out. You name it. We are comfortable that way and our kids are friends. If they had a kid together I’d be even more open about them staying.
Nope just nope. That is trouble waiting to happen
I let my baby daddy sleep in my house once, he came from another state to pick up our daughter and he was tired so he stayed the night with our daughter, ate breakfast and then they went on their way the next day. I of course didn’t tell my boyfriend as he would not have understand.
That’s a no from me!
I think it’s a little weird that she keeps asking, and that she only started asking since you guys have been together. I would say the only way she can stay over is if you stay over as well.
I mean if ur gonna be there why not? 
if something were to happen between the two of them they are gonna make it happen regardless. They don’t need a sleepover as an excuse.
Pay for her hotel if she can’t afford one.
If this was my ex, my first advice would be for him to stay at a hotel. If the roles were reversed, I wouldn’t impose. I would stay at a hotel. If she can’t afford one that might be a different story. So if she MUST stay with him for financial reasons, then I would spend the night there too 
I think there are pros and cons to her staying there in my honest opinion but I think it’s very inappropriate for her to ask more than once.
No
Boundaries are important!
My ex n I do sleepovers. We live 4 hours apart, our kids are 13 n 14. We were together 10 years. Split when they were 5 n 6. We both had boys after splitting, they are best friends. We don’t sleep in the same bed obviously, and our s/o don’t mind. Lot of the time I’ll just rent a hotel room w a pool n take all the kids so they can have a break 
It took us awhile to get where we are. It’s all about the kids, and what’s best for them!
Hell no. Get a hotel room. You just meet her .
Ive let my ex and his gf stay with me. In the end it was a mistake cuz we all got into it. But not over me wanting him or anything like that.
ABSOLUTELY END THAT SHIT RIGHT NOW ! Wtf
My ex husband had an ex before me… we all coparented together as a team. I had her spend the night Christmas eve so they both got to spend Christmas morning with their daughter… his new wife and I also coparent my kids and we do the same… i even stay there while they go on vacation and babysit her kids and mine… its all about working as a team… and helping each other in any situation… you can tell him let her stay and he saty qith you or you stay there also… but the better they can coparent the better off the child is and will grow to be when older… once your a parent it never about you anymore its about that child… sometimes sucking it up to help the mom out. If there is any issues qith my kids we all three my ex me and his wife sit down and find the right fix for the situation… as a team
I’m too hot-headed for this I’d lose it the first time she asked. 
Offer for her to stay at your place and the son with his dad. Problem solved.
Nop boundaries are important! She can stay in a hotel!
I think you and he should decide together. It would maximize the time together If she stayed with you and he but I see your reservations about boundaries. Co-parenting can be hard at first but you find your way that works for your situation.
If you stayed and she stayed and she was on the couch or guest room with the child so the child could all see y’all getting along and doing things I think it would be smart. It doesn’t add another financial strain or expense to everyone doing something together. Just make sure the boundaries are there
Uh no. Would NEVER happen if it was me,…thats really inappropriate and it seems like she has hopes to try for them to work it out.
He needs to explain to her why he is saying no. That way she stops asking. I wouldn’t let my husband’s ex sleep over. I would never ask to let my ex stay over. I would, however, help with a hotel stay if they needed it
You also need to remember that he isn’t just your boyfriend.
He is also the FATHER of this child.
Good on him for saying no, and you should be happy that he does, as that’s showing respect towards you.
Perhaps the three of you should sit down and talk about it, because making assumptions about the situation won’t help resolve any of these feelings you have.
As you said, they had a rough couple of years through court which resulted in a lack of visitation and therefore impacted on any kind of relationship to build between dad and son in that time.
So:
She simply might not feel comfortable with their child staying there, until she can see that there will be no issues and she may want to gauge how you all interact to make sure their son will be ok.
You may not know what happened to actually make her not allow your partner to see his child for a few years?
And being a woman yourself, you should be able to understand a little more as to how she could potentially feel by putting yourself into her shoes…
Just think, After years of having to go through court and your child not having very much of a relationship with their father, to then feeling like you are expected to just drop your child off with their dad and his new girlfriend (whom you may know nothing about and not know what may or may not have been said about you at times) and then leave.
Yes, you may feel uneasy or disrespected - but at the end of the day she could also just be looking out for the wellbeing of their child and making sure the child is comfortable and ok being there.
And a bit of food for thought - It’s only been 6 months since you’ve started dating… And if you are finding it difficult to be able to trust in him to do right by you, maybe you’re not in the right relationship. Make a decision before you get too invested, it’ll save you hurt in the long run… 
Noooooo my boyfriend has an ex wife (yes already divorced) but I wouldn’t allow her to stay with us even for a night. I allowed my son’s father to let his ex stay once because she had nowhere else to go, well she tried kissing him when I wasn’t around. So hell no.
Eh, my ex husband crashes at our place every now and then. My sweetie is more tolerant of him than I am, it drives me nuts that he leaves empty coffee cups and pop bottles everywhere. But we all get along, and the kids really appreciate successful co-parenting. It’s more about you, and whether you trust your man 
Are you really asking this question?
Eh didn’t work for us… tried to save him a long drive and now we have a second child
My ex lives out of state, both me and my current boyfriend have offered for him to stay at our house while he visits for a few weeks. While every situation is unique and different, I support this kind of co-parenting in some cases. My ex is happily with a beautiful lady, and I’m happily with a handsome man. We know our boundaries, although some people don’t. If it makes you uncomfortable, then don’t. But if y’all are comfortable with it, then why the hell not?!
Atleast hes still telling her no. Just needs to say more
I have let my older 3 children’s father stay with me when he needed a place to go. We set boundaries, rules, and even now if he were to come to me and tell me he didnt have a place to stay, I’d let him. Hes the father of my children, them seeing us help one another and coparent shows that we want what’s best for them.
I’ve always been told that my family was a different breed though 
It sounds like she hasn’t cut all feelings with him. She needs to move in except where the child is concerned.
My best advice to you… stay out of it!
Your man is taking care of it. Be there to support him and be an ear for him, but don’t comment as you have a relatively new relationship and you never know when that will come back to bite YOU on the ass.
I’m going to put myself in your shoes. I definitely wouldn’t allow It unless me and other person lived together.
Me and my ex did live together after we broke up but he was always at my door trying to get some… I had to shut him down EVERY SINGLE TIME! He was even dating someone else at the time. After I got into a serious relationship I allowed (my husband now) to stay over with me even when my ex was there. They got to meet and I got to meet his new gf (not the one he was with when he was trying to get some) and we all slept under the same roof, we all tended to the kiddo, so It was nice to build that coparenting bond with one another for sure.
If she spends the night then I suggest you spend the night too.
That’s gonna be a no for me dawg!
A big FUCK NO, to me that’s her trying to break u guys up and b with him again. She needs boundaries and he needs to get them set b4 it gets out of hand. It’s cool that they made up and decided to co parent but if she is living in the same city no need for her to sleep over even if it was a couple hr drive as well. She seems like she is up to something sneaky
Nope. I went the the same thing with my exes…Soon as I said they couldn’t stay with me they changed their minds about seeing their kids. If she can’t afford a hotel then she needs to let him come and get the kid and she stay home. To me it’s a wanna be booty call if they get mad by saying no
My parents used to do this when I was younger while they were taking me for visitations. My dad used lived 4 states away. So if my mom drove me there, she would stay a few nights at my dad’s house and his gf/wife was fine with it. Same goes for him staying at our house. My parents were always good friends and on the same page as far as parenting me. Co-parenting can be really easy if it is made to be about the child. So my point is, maybe you could also stay while she is there and she could sleep in couch or guest bedroom.
Book her in a hotel 
Helllllll no!!! She can get a hotel room 
My children’s father stays with us when he comes to visit from out of state. My boyfriend who now lives with me thought it was a little weird at first, but he’s fine with it now. The kids love it. It’s nice to show the kids that just because we aren’t together doesn’t mean we can’t parent together.
No way in hell would she be staying the night
Hell no ! Especially with such a toxic past that they have and you just met her.
If it bothers you that much, you can stay too. Why isn’t that an option?
Personally, I could see where you’d be uncomfortable but at the end of the day I wouldn’t let my jealousy control my decision. If you trust him you have anything to worry about.
I mean if you’re gonna be there then I guess there shouldn’t be a problem.
If your there yes, if not no and also if you are there and she asks say yes and maybe you guys can get to know each other and things can go great and if she’s acting weird af then now you know
I would say not unless u will be there too but just go with ur gut… If u dont feel comfortable with it then no…
No. Very inappropriate. Stick to your guns and say no
DO OPEN THAT DOOR. LET HIS NO…BE NO! SHE MUST RESPECT THAT IT’S STILL A BIG NO. JUST BECAUSE IT WORKED IN OTHER’S SITUATION DOSEN’T MEAN IT WILL WORK FOR YOURS. HER PERSISTENCE IS A RED FLAG.
HE ALREADY SAID NO! REMEMBER: A WARNING COMES BEFORE DESTRUCTION:x:
… , and P.S. Please dont let her use her child as a pawn!!!
If you guys lived together I feel like it’d be alright bc you’d be there but if it was me and I wasn’t gonna be there my answer would be hell no!
If he’s uncomfortable with it and has said no then she shouldn’t push it. I can see where you’re uncomfortable cause I would be too. But if push comes to shove and she does just stay the night with him too.
Let her stay! Shown have no problem with her and don’t feel threatened by her! It better all round for the kids! If u DO feel threatened by her, that’s your problem, not his (unless he’s given u a reason 2 feel threatened by her) and IF has has given u a reason u need 3 tell him 2 do 1!
HELLLLLL NO. Point blank period. Son can stay but she can get herself a hotel room
Sounds like your bf has already made his choice by repeatedly saying no to her. I would talk to him more in depth about it before ever offering to let them stay. You and your bf are a team and need to be on the same page
No. And it shouldn’t be a discussion at all. The ex wife herself should know her boundaries.
no she should never stay the night and never ever ask
There’s nothing wrong with it unless she is a threat to your relationship.
As a stepmom, there were incidents early in our relationship where he’d be at her house visiting the kids and falling asleep. He was in the boys room spending time with them but I got pissed every time. I told him it felt disrespectful and made me look stupid. After a couple arguments it stopped. BUT it’s been 8 years. Him and I are married with 2 more kids, she has since married. We spend holidays together, spend nights at each other’s houses, we’re parents before anything and that’s what’s important, but it took a lot to get us to this point. A lot lol. And it’s definitely not for everyone lol. But at 6 months, not yet living together, I wouldn’t be okay with it. But a relationship should be built between you and her for sure, makes things so much easier.
No. You know it’s not and he does too.
My sons dad just stayed 2 weeks with me and my boyfriend! If there’s nothing left in that relationship, I don’t see it being a problem especially if it means my son gets 2 extra weeks with his dad.
No. Tell her to book a hotel or air bnb.
Offer to pay for a motel room. It’s off season right now rooms are under $80 a night pretty much everywhere
I would say it depends on the relationship. I wouldn’t have any issues with it as I’m secure in my relationship. Hell I’ve even in my younger days let my ex (baby daddy) and his new gf stay at the house with me and the kids. We are all grown and accepted we don’t belong together and have a decent co parent relationship.
Nope … maybe he knows shes just trying to fix things now that he has moved on… I’ve seen that crap many times. It’s not appropriate and depending on the age of the child can be very confusing and hurtful. We had to do a neutral place for pick up/drop off for years bc kids couldn’t understand why the other parent just couldn’t stay with them… created a lot of trauma for our kids
If you are there sure, have her come over. Just as long as though she knows the boundaries.