My husband & I have been together almost four whole years by the end of this month, & we have two beautiful baby boys together, a three-year-old & 2-year-old… He has another son from a previous relationship 5 1/2 years old… I have tried many times before to reach out to his son’s mother to see if I can go pick him up & take him back to her on the days that we are COURT ORDERED to get him, which is every other Friday & Saturday, but she refuses to communicate with me & will only communicate with my husband, so, therefore, she just TRIES to cut me out of the picture completely… My husband works seven days a week & a lot of times he cannot go pick him up because of work, we do not live in the same town as his son, but it’s only like a 35-minute drive away, so because she doesn’t want to let me go pick him up we miss out on seeing him sometimes… It just makes me so upset because she will only speak to my husband and alone let him go pick him up, I believe I am his family as well & I should have the right to go pick him up being that he will be with ME & his brothers for most of his stay, which she knows… Am I overreacting? Or am I trying to do something that I have no say in?
So check your custody agreement because it should say that the father or his acting agent should be allowed to pick him up at designated times. If it says that then you can pick him up.
The court order i have with my ex states who can pick the kids up etc so maybe that’s why she’s not communication or maybe she’s just worried about someone else around her child. It’s never easy letting them go and regardless of how long it’s been it’s going to be difficult but check your court order incase it says only your husband can collect and drop off
I think your hubbys ex is overreacting. You are not just some girl. You are his wife and you gave birth to her sons siblings. Sounds like someone is bitter.
Do you still have a lawyer? If so, instruct them to write to her/her lawyer and say that she’s effectively frustrating contact by being so intransigent. If needs be, your husband will need to return the matter to court.
She is not obligated to communicate with you and at 5 1/2 his dad should make time to pick him up and drop him off. All custody agreements are between her and the dad you don’t have a say legally
No…you aren’t overreacting, but yes, you may not be able to do much about it. It’s unfortunate that she’s letting her pride come in the way of her son’s wellbeing. Just keep being as consistent as you can with him and hope that she relaxes eventually.
4yrs is a long time to be bitter
He should be able to send someone to get his kid but if the kid isnt even spending the time with his dad than I understand her now wanting to send him. Its dad time not step mom time.
I feel like there’s some information missing here. Like why she’s reserved about it? Do they have something going on behind your back or is she expecting something from him? Did you do something to her that you can think of?
As an objective outsider I would say you’re absolutely right. As a child from divorced parents who weren’t getting along: she thinks you stole him so she doesn’t want you to interfere. And the court will probably say that the father should make more of an effort if he really wants to see his son. Can’t you ask someone else to pick him up, a family friend you trust, a family member? I would be worried that she would go to court to prevent him from seeing his son and they stop visitations because his dad has failed to pick him up. Maybe try mediation?
If shes refusing to let the child go with you that’s defying a court order. Talk to your lawyer file contempt of court
Devils advocate. You want this lady to hand over her baby to you, but would you hand your babies over to her? Trust is a two way street. Sometimes it takes more to earn someone’s trust than persistence and being married to the father of her son.
Check the court order to see if it say you can and then if she refuses try the police as it’s your time (but most likely till you to take it back to court, but always worth a try) if not then you need to take it back to court and get it amended so you can pick him up and ask judge to put on the order that if she refuses the police have a right to collect him and hand him over, that will hopefully make her not to stop you, some ex’s just can’t get over the other side even tho they don’t want them (but no-one else can have them type)
I think the best bet is to just take it to court to modify papers that your husbands spouse (doesn’t have to say your name) or anyone else your husband designates can go pick up/drop off the child.
I’ve had to travel 2 hours (there AND back) to pick up my husbands kids by myself because he just couldn’t leave work. My husband also picks up/drops off my kids to their dads/dads wife all the time. It would be extremely frustrating to not be able to coparent this way and have someone be so damn bitter.
Especially after 4 years!
I mean you’re not overreacting no. However unless that court order says you are allowed to go pick him up and take him home and anything like that your husband is only one that is allowed to. He will have to request it to be changed in the court legally and of course she may object. Yes you might feel she’s being petty or you might feel that she shouldn’t do that but it is within her right. It’s hard and it’s frustrating yes because the children are the one that suffer but until there is something on paper then nothing will change
No offence but i wouldn’t like some one else than my child’s father picking the child up either…the whole purpose of the child going to the father is to spend time with the father…it’s hard for a mother to have to deal with their ex new wife like substitute mother for her child. I understand where you’re coming from but i would do the same thing 
i am the mother and he’s the father and nobody else should be envolved in the picking up and dropping of and communication regarding the child
You’ll need to get a lawyer and modified to include you. She is not obligated to communicate you (. Selfish of her yes, but also respect ). Understand you are the wife but court order doesn’t say anything about you.
Stay in your spot. That’s between them not you.
She dont need too lmao he should be doing the communicating
Sis, don’t interfere or she might cut you both out. Let your husband deal with it. It’s upto him to make time to pick his son.
You are not overreacting if the custody papers allow the father or his acting agent to pick up the child. Perhaps send her an email or other documentable form of contact, stating that you would like to resolve this amicably and ask if there are specific reservations or concerns she has that you two can work together on. If she continues to refuse then a return to court may be in order.
As a step mom for the past ten years I’ve done many, many pick up and drop offs… unless the court order specifies only Dad may do pick up and drop offs I would be having a lawyer send mom a letter letting her know denying Dads parenting time is unacceptable and if she doesn’t stop this behaviour you’ll be force to file in court. When you get with someone with children you accept those children as your own. Many moms bitch that new partners don’t include their children, etc and here you have a new partner that is trying to include the children and you’re getting crapped on. Clearly mom isn’t over the separation but that’s on her not you guys
My husbands ex was like this until CPS recommended to the courts that the step parents do pick up and drop off and since there was so much conflict they also said that one or both step parents could be responsible for all forms of communication until both bio parents could be civil. It was rough for awhile. And our papers now state all pick up and drop offs can be done by step parents as long as the bio parent is present for there time.
Have you tried approaching her like a person who loves her kid and wants to build trust and communication instead of a tired, frustrated, wife of her ex? It’s hard to do, but it might be worth trying before you go to the courts and make it worse.
Ok everyone is saying “I wouldnt let him go if daddy wasnt there”…grow up…its been 4 yrs. She is bitter for a reason…however, their son has two siblings he deserves to know…just bc dad cant be there doesnt mean the kids should be deprived of their big brother
If the only way my son can see his father, is by having his stepmom pick him up, then so be it. The mom in question is interfering in her child’s relationship with his father. The child is in the home with the step parent while at bio parents home so why not allow them to transport them too?
Difficult situation try putting yourself in her position, would you allow it if roles were reversed, the father chose to be with you and have other children and that’s fine, but that was not her choice, think it’s up to the mother , if she wants only the father to collect their child , think you need to respect that decision.
Okay, speaking from a mom and step mom perspective, you are ABSOLUTELY NOT asking for much out of the ordinary. You’re his spouse and she sounds like she’s honestly just making things difficult.
I’d send my babies if the spouse wanted to pick up my kiddos. I actually encourage it! They need to know BOTH SIDES of their family.
Just because SHE didn’t get to decide who he chose to be with, does NOT mean that she should keep their child from you.
She needs to suck it up and realize that she can’t dictate the child’s whole life. That’s not how it works. She has to put trust in the father to pick someone to care for him as a parent figure, without her advice/opinion/etc unless the woman is dangerous. It’s not her call.
I would ask your spouse to either get you put on the court papers. Letting the courts know that it isn’t feasible for him to always pick the son up, due to work, etc. That you are just looking to be able to pick up your step son so the visits can occur. That way if she still doesn’t let you, and it’s on paper, you can get a police escort.
Plain and simple, he’s not your biological child. She doesn’t “have” to communicate with you, or send her child with you. It’s a sad situation for sure. If the little boy even “wants” to come when his father is gone that is.
Take it to court for a modification.
Been there done that. It’s not worth the hassle let it go.
Unfortunately, if the court order says he has to be the one to pick up the kid, there’s nothing you can do. I think it is shitty because she seems to not have a reason other than maybe jealousy. I mean I wont let anyone pick my daughter up other than her dad (per court order) but I have moooore than enough reason to do so
I feel for you. Many people don’t seem to understand just because he works during pick up time, doesn’t mean he won’t be around to see him. That’s just not how pick up times work. My advice would be to file a complaint with the courts and try to get it written in that you can pick him up. Best of luck.
It’s sad when children have to suffer because of the pettiness and immaturity of “adults”. In contrast, there’s always the other side of the story. I don’t think all factors are being considered here; here you are speaking about what another mother does concerning HER child and what she believes is best as if she doesn’t have any reason for her action, or rather lack there of. Maybe we could ask why it is that custody isn’t 50/50, why does he only get his son two weekends out of an entire month? She could have her reasons or maybe she’s just a salty bish. I’m gonna go with the latter, but I do like to step back and look at ALL the facts. That’s just me.
your not over reacting that’s actually what adults co parenting looks like.
Mom sees is at hes court ordered to see time with dad. If dad can’t take a day off of work why send him there ?
He’s not court ordered to spend time with the step mom. And as sad as that makes u. If dad isn’t making an effort neither would I.
You’ll need to take it to court and have something done. And if she still doesnt comply then shes in contempt of court. Been there. Done that.
What should matter to the mother is that their son gets to see his father. Unless you are the one that broke them up or hes abusive then she isnt thinking of whats best for the child.
if shes jealous of you she still wants him,any ex that “needs” to only talk to him has issues,if she was looking out for whats best for the son she would keep things civil
Put yourself in her shoes and try to understand her way of thinking. This is dad’s job, not yours, etc.
Depends on the wording of the court order and also the state you live in. If you have a lawyer I would contact them. Usually they will let a 3rd party pick up and drop off the child unless there is a OP in place or it actually says in the parenting plan that it has to be the husband.
what are the specifics in the custody agreement for visitation. They wouldn’t allow my father to pick my son up when my ex had custody (no judging please on the reasons and I won’t go into it.) I was in the ER with my other son who hadn’t been dismissed and my ex wouldn’t allow my father to pick him up. I went to court to have visitation modified for ‘emergency’ pick ups. No words were to be exchanged between my parents or my ex and/or his wife. There were many times I went to pick him up and had to stand in the weather in the rain or whatever and wait as long as 5-10 minutes. I brought that up also. They had a covered porch. The judge modified visitation pick up and stated that if I had to wait any more than 5 minutes they would be in violation of visitation pick up and would be dealt with. just a reminder the children see how the parents work or don’t work in the interest of the relationship with all involved. Karma can be a real bitch. that was 40 years ago and my son and his father no longer speak. When my son was going through chemo and asked his father a couple days ahead if he could take him for his treatments, his father bitched it was 5-10 miles out of his way and the cost of gas went up $.05 on the gallon. If I lived closer I would’ve been more than happy but I live in Texas and he lives in Indiana. His father is retired on disability(?) but somehow is more active than he ever was in his 50s. Go to court and have visitation modified.
No your not and it is not fair to the child his mother should think about him.
Want some advice pm me
What does the court papers say? Some say specifically and name only the father and some do not specify. If it does not say he can designate someone else to pick the child up then legally she does not have to allow anyone to do so. Although it is about the child and everyone should act like grown adults and put the childs best Interest first some choose to not communicate for the sake of not arguing or fighting and leaving it straight to court orders.
Omg let it go, its her kid and she doesnt want you to pick him up. Quit being so jealous.
Put an order in to hold her in contempt for not abiding by the law. Then and only after u do that negotiate a place in the middle in public to meet from now on. Let her know you dont mind a third party meeting u there. File first tho. Trust me on that or it will get worse
This sounds my like my ex’s wife too. Sit your ass down. Not your child
My court order says only me and my ex have access to my son no one else for pick up and drop off. If their court order says that to then no she can not pick up that child
Yes your husband should do more of the communicating if he doesn’t already. No you are not stepping over boundaries! You are thinking of the child who I’m sure wants to see his father and his brothers and probably YOU for that matter, and there is absolutely NOTHING wrong with that. She is acting very selfishly! You are just another person to love that child and that is all that should matter! And being as you two are married, which means you are ONE, there is nothing wrong with you being involved! It really concerns me what some of these woman are commenting on here! How sad and selfish some people think! Instead of saying “put yourself in the other woman’s shoes” how about “put yourself in that CHILDS shoes!”
I have a similar situation…It is only different in that I am the mother and my Ex married what was supposed to be my best friend…I found out otherwise through the divorce. I do not communicate to my Ex’s wife because I feel as though my children are the sole responsibility of the Biological parents. However if there happened to be an Emergency I would make an exception. I’m not heartless and I’ll bet that in your situation she is not either, not everyone can move on from bad situation (Divorce) as easily as others. It is hard to forgive ourselves and our one love. I understand it has been a long time for you but to her it may feel like yesterday. Or your right she may feel a bit jealous because you are his new love. My advice pray for her and your step son and your husband! It is hard for me but I do pray for my kids, my Ex husband and his new wife. I will put you and your family on my prayer list as well! Good luck and God Bless!
If Dad doesn’t make the arrangements…she can be a bitch and say he isn’t holding up his end of the agreement. It sucks bad. Here you are trying to help them bond but she can say whatever she wants. Courts don’t recognize step parents…#JudgeJudy
You’re intentions are great but the relationship isn’t there yet and you shouldn’t force his mom to give you access she doesnt want to. He needs to reach out and make the time.
She can not stop you from picking him up as long as you and your vehicle is legal to drive…along with your custody order you should have like a basic rules and regulations paper and it in it states that anyone well known TO THE CHILD (not other parent) can pick child up at scheduled visitation/custody time. The only way she can refuse you is if they have first babysitters rights in the custody order and he’s working or not going to be around for the visit. My husband and I have gone thru this sooo many times. My Ex tried to ban my SO from being around my children and my so’s ex has called the cops on me stating I was stalking them. It’s can get very crazy if they’re super bitter people unfortunately we have found out. It very well could be different in different states but I can’t see why it would be.
This is a tricky spot. My ex husband and i have the agreement of “we are the parents we do the work” we have both moved on and communicate great with each other but only time i have had to communicate with his new fiance is when he got stuck at work when i was bringing my son over. She is great with my kid so i had no problems. However we are going out of town soon amd i had to ask in advance if my boyfriend could pick up my son without me. For the first few years none of that would have flown between either of us. If you lawyer up just realise this could bite you and the hubby in the rear when the courts find out he is working the whole time he is suppose to be with his kid. That won’t fly at all.
Usually there’s a claus in the agreement that allows the child to be picked up by another designated person. I am having this same issue. However, I’m not allowed on her property(yeah, she’s like that) and she has my number blocked so any communication is cut off. I have dropped my SD off once to her, but never picked up. Just waiting for that time to come. But when it does, I’ll make sure I have the court agreement and cal the police to file a report and see how it goes from there
I did not allow any of my baby’s father’s women come to my house when he came to pick her up. If they did come, they sat in the car. In most parenting plans they state who can and cannot transport the child. Considering that the child is 5 1/2 and you guys have only been together for 4 years, they could have had the plan in place before you entered the picture. Both parents could get into trouble for going against the parenting plan. Speaking from experience… all you can do is talk to the dad’s lawyer and what you guys can do. It the father who should be transporting the child. For myself… if my dad wasn’t going to be there, I didn’t want to go. This is not just about you, consider the mom’s side as well.
I get where you are coming and it irritates me to no end. It’s not hard to coparent and parents need to get over the fact that things don’t workout so the other parent moves on. Have a sit down with her and your husband and go over stuff. Maybe she will agree with things you talk about.
There’s absolutely nothing wrong with trying to communicate with her and trying to get all the siblings together. Looks like y’all need to go back to court and discuss the circumstances. If he works a lot, then you should be able to go and get him. In the end, the kid suffers. Some people just need to grow up and realize it’s not about them and what they want but what the child wants. My father did this to my mother and I resent him for it. I’m sure the boy is dying to see his brothers and father. Who cares who comes to pick him up as long as they are reliable and trust worthy. She should be glad you love her son enough to do this. Too many bitter women and men out here messing up their children. I hope you get it solved and get to see him:)
I went through this same thing I never got to pick up my step son I never got to say anything. When I tried to say anything I was told I was not his parent,We got him when she said we could have him and that was never the holidays or his birthday we had to plan party’s around her schedule. I call this selfish. Like some one else said earlier sit down and talk together or you have to go with what they want with no say in anything good luck
Wow sounds like the other mom is being petty… you guys have been together for 4 years your not a passing fling that is going to leave his life… there should be absolutely no reason to not let you pick up the child or communicate with you about said child… the child is not a pawn in a stupid game to be played against the other parent… it’s the child that’s getting hurt not being able to see his father and brothers…
I think you should be able to pick him up and drop off but sounds also like dad needs to not work on the weekends when his son is over. He is only visiting 4 days out of the month and needs that time with dad. I think he is being neglected by dad and that’s probably why mom is upset. I am a stepmom to 3 children, 19,17 and 9.
I think if it is court ordered yalls weekend, you should be able to get him.
You are apart of YALL
Your husband should take off to get his son if he wants him. Its between them, not you.
You’re not overreacting, but don’t push it too hard. Maybe call a few attorney offices and see if this is something that can be worked around legally.
Check the papers. Most say, dad can choose whomever to pick up/drop off child. If she isnt complying, document it, and file against her for not following court orders.
You can get this changed through the court… She has to show a very good reason…Courts will intervene and make it to were you are allowed in most states…
It needs to be in the court order that each other’s spouses are able to pick up and drop off as well otherwise she doesn’t have to be okay with it. And she technically doesn’t have to communicate with you. That’s just how she’s gonna be but if your husband and communicate to her that you will pick up and drop off by whatever time then just let it go. But get it court ordered spouses can partake in visitation transportation
I believe it depends on the state that the orders are in, but in most cases if the non custodial parent is unable to pick up the child, he can designate someone else to as that time is court ordered to be his.
His kid has nothing to do with you and never will. I would not communicate with you either. It’s not your business.
U have every right to do so especially more since your his wife my boyfriend and I have been together for seven years and he has an 8year old with that they share but it was put in the court order if the mom and dad can’t communicate without her being mean or it turning into a fight that I am there middle person and the same goes for her husband he has more right then I do cuz she married him and me and my boyfriend are not which sucks
My advice - let your husband handle it. Your his support system. While communication is cool when y’all agree, if she isn’t comfortable with it I can’t imagine much good would come of it. Respect boundaries. Your husband can handle it. - a reformed oversteppy SM.
She’s wrong. She needs to check her bitterness and cooperate with you. It takes a village to raise a child.
Are you named on the court order? Or is it just dad & mom? Mom has that right to only communicate with dad. It doesn’t matter how long you’ve been together or how many kids you have. They had a child together.
If you’re legally his step mom there’s nothing she can do about you picking the child up. I would just show up and get him. If it’s court ordered she has to let him go, if she doesn’t then document each time it happens and take her back to court. She will be held in contempt of court for not complying. I just don’t understand why people are so childish in these situations. Shows they don’t really care about the child or their feelings.
I think it’s a little unfair she won’t communicate with YOU or let you be the pick up/drop off person, either. I guess her dropping him off for y’all isn’t an option either… she doesn’t seem willing to compromise.
I feel like we don’t know the other side of the story so I’m going to reserve judgement on his other baby mama
It depends on what the court order says. If it states any adult can pick him up then the father needs to let mom know his wife will be picking him up on his court appointed days. If mom refuses access, document and take her back to court. She is also not required to communicate with her ex’s new wife, but she is with her son’s father.
So sad because you sound like an amazing step mama, I wish the mama of the boy would see that! & see that your just trying to help their son be with his family xx
You said it sis, “their son”. Tell your husband to put his big boy pants on and handle what he needs to. Without the other side of the story who are we to give input
She didn’t have a son with you. Now don’t get me wrong she could be more mature about it. With that being said, keep trying to communicate. Be there during the pick ups and drop offs. She will come around.
Have the order changed to her dropping him off and him returning him home. Really she doesn’t have to communicate with you. She bitter😂changes need to be made
You’re trying to do something that you have no say so in. Just my personal opinion.
The courts normally allow 30 minutes after said pick up time bc if traffic and work. However, your husband can request mediation to put in the court order that you, his wife can pick him up and transport your step son.
I myself, don’t allow my son’s bio dad’s wife to be in any communication with me or be on my property because he barely knows his son, and she threatened my death repeatedly. So I am very uncomfortable with that woman on my property or contacting me.
if you really care about the child you won’t make this an issue because all he’s going to remember is the fighting and you don’t want to be part of that do you
You are a part of all them. Since she only deals with your hubby, maybe he can talk to her? It’s sad that children get to pay the price for adults pettiness. Good luck!
She’s in all her right because that’s her son and she doesn’t have to communicate anything to you. That’s between your husband and her it’s their kid I am the same way with my daughters. Who will be responsible for anything will be their dad because if something happens that’s who will get it at the end of the day I don’t have to say anything to his partner and my kids aren’t allowed to stay alone with her period. You never know behind closed doors
I would honestly go back and get the court order redone so YOU can also be on there for pick ups/drop offs since y’all are married at that’s your step kid. But maybe also try to sit down with the mother and talk one on one…maybe try to see why she won’t allow you to go get him? But don’t demand it. Offer it and respect her answer on yes or no to sit down with you.
Check the decree - most say another designated adult can pick up the child. She doesnt get a choice if that is the case.
If Dad cannot pick up child, he has the right to send a designated person to pick up child.
Devils advocate. You want this lady to hand over her baby to you, but would you hand your babies over to her? Trust is a two way street. Sometimes it takes more to earn someone’s trust than persistence and being married to the father of her son. She doesn’t know you. She doesn’t trust you. Instead of just focusing on getting her son try getting to know her and letting her get to know you. Coparenting is hard and it takes work but it’s so rewarding when everyone puts the kid first.
Start documenting when this happens…if it continues you guys can take her to court and she will get in trouble
Unless you have a court order saying only he can pick up his son, then its fine. Your husband just needs to have the conversation with her, and tell her how its going to be. You could suggest the meeting spot be at a police station parking lot so there is no trouble. Thats what I did.
All these mad baby mommas laughing.
Sorry you’re going through this, I would go back to court and talk to the judge.
Sorry. I see both sides. But really…what would happen if he didn’t have you? He would have to make a plan. If the court doesn’t force her to give child to you, she doesn’t have to.
It took a LONG time for my husbands ex to communicate with me but she has come to realize that whatever decision my husband has to make about his sons affects all of us so she talks to me now.
Just stay in your lane or have your husband file a motion in court to add you to the order. Unfortunately, you are not legally allowed to make decisions even if it seems irrational. I’ve been there before.
Go back to court and petition to have it ordered where you are allowed to get him.