That’s HIS son. She has the agreement and court order with HIM, not you. She has ever right to not communicate or allow you, not a parent, to take their child. She is trying to protect her child.
Sure it would be better if she tried to be friends and yall all lived happy ever after, but her following the court order does not make her wrong.
My husband doesn’t communicate with my daughters dad. I do all of the communication because it’s not my DH’s responsibility. My DH does pickup/drop off sometimes and if my ex had a problem with it, I would make it a point to do all of the exchanges. It’s okay for exes to have boundaries and it sounds like BM not talking to you is one of them. Let DH figure it out. You can’t care more/do more than the birth parents. It’s unnecessary stress.
Girl, that is absolutely not your place. I’m not going to discuss sending my children off with some random women either. If dad isn’t there to spend time with him, he doesn’t need to go. Call me petty or immature but I didn’t lay down and make a baby with my husbands new girlfriend and I will not be discussing my child with her like I did. Not to mention jealous wives hurt babies nowadays.
I don’t know from experience but I do know that my ex sister-in-law is the SAME way as your husbands ex. She is bitter from their marriage ending and she won’t allow my brother or SIL to do anything that isn’t written down in black and white from the court. So, I’d say, go back to court (I know how big of a pain that is 
) and see if you can get it added? Or maybe try and get your husband to have her try mediation or whatever it is where it doesn’t have to go full-blown court hearing.
I’d ask why isn’t he getting his son? You don’t need to.
My kids dads ex wife absolutely hates my guts. 12 years ago when I got with him they had 3 kids together. I tried for them & she disnt want to know. Weve had custody of thr kids for the past 10 years & it’s been nothing but drama,s.s allegations against me & even the kids dont go there anymore by their choice and want me to adopt them as they’re 19,16 and 15 now. I’d say it gets easier but I’d be lying 
it gets harder in my case. But at the end of the day I’m not unhappy and bitter so it’s her problem to deal with and in the process shes driven her own kids away so I have no advice really apart from you’re doing all u can. It may never be enough and you’ll have to accept that. Good luck I do hope things work out better for u than they have for me xx
Same way been in sd life since before she was born and alot of bs she doesnt want to communicate and I’m just fine with that less drama …every now and again I’ll text see how she is and check in on Bill’s that kinda stuff never replies but 
at least I’m trying.
You doing too much. Trying to prove your stance.
You all are annoying 
she literally said he works 7 days a week and can’t make the time to pick him up. Who knows his schedule, but that doesn’t mean he won’t have time to see him before or after work for a minute. Yeah, it would be nice if his bm wasn’t be childish, but this woman has been involved in almost this babys whole life, its not like she’s a stranger. Unfortunately there is nothing you can do OP. Hopefully your SO can get better hours at work or a new job with better hours to accommodate seeing his kids more.
Just rock up it can be used against her in a court of law your his wife why do chicken shit ?? Don’t say you don’t wanna cause drama do it stand your ground let her know your his wife and you will be having something to do with his son ? 7days a week hmmmm really…
Lady, that agreement has nothing to do with you. Leave that woman alone. Idc if you’re his wife now. That child is your husband’s responsibility. She doesn’t have to communicate with you regarding her child at all. You are not the victim here. She is probably wholly insulted and embarrassed and hurt that they’re not together anymore and pouring salt into her wound on the account of “I’m just trying to be nice”
Is not making it any better.
Sit down.’
If you want an honest but polite answer, she doesnt need to have a relationship with you because she didnt have a kid with you. She dont know you and didnt pick you to be around her child. Im sure its hard enough to have to be connected with someone you dont want to be with, for the next 13 years, but adding another person in to that might make that even harder. He chose to have a kid with her and its his responsibility to work out travel arrangements after the split. Its not really hurting the child if she doesnt choose to be around you, it just makes it an inconvenience for the dad. Its great when all parents have somewhat of a relationship but its not a neccesity to raise a healthy child.
All of you are so bitter here. It’s so transparent. The mother does need to communicate with her because it’s best for the child. Who cares how she feels? Obviously the courts decided that this boy should see his father x amount of days because that’s what’s best for him. It’s not up to her to take that away. Period. Seriously. People need to put their bullshit aside and care for the kids - you’re an adult, act like one.
Ohhhh is she petty. She’s doing this intentionally to prevent him from seeing his son just so she can blame your husband at the end. When you go back to court I would adjust the court order.
I communicate wit my ex husband about OUR daughter. He sees her for a few hours twice during the week, and has her every other weekend. HE picks her up. HE communicates with me about the good, the bad, and the ugly. HE makes sure that he has their weekends off of work. HE and I both have put his girlfriend in her place when she tries to overstep. She is involved with my daughter, and my daughter is told that she needs to respect the girlfriend, as she is an adult. The girlfriend attends some soccer games, and someschool events. We are all decent to each other for the well-being of my daughter.
However, I do have full custody … and first right of refusal is in place. It is respected by both her father and myself … and was put into place by the courts with our consent.
Maybe the husband should plan his work schedule a little better so that HE is involved with THEIR child.
Stay in your lane…
He can’t pick up his kid cause off work??? No…I don’t think so…
Legally speaking, you aren’t owed anything. The court order is between your husband and her. She doesn’t have to communicate with you at all. However, logically, it would make sense for all parties involved to have decent communication. I deal with a similar, but different issue. My ex will not allow his wife and me to communicate at all. I have offered to sit down and talk to both of them to discuss the kids, but he will not allow it. He says he’s protecting her from me, but there’s no reason for it. I am not going to lose my children or go to jail over her or anyone else. I just know that my children are, more than likely, being cared for by her when they do see them- which isn’t often. So, it would help if we could communicate about the kids. So, I do think your heart is in the right place, but you have to remove “we” from your vocabulary when referring to the court order. You aren’t court ordered anything, dad is. If things were to end between you and your husband you’d have no legal claim to them whatsoever. It may be unfortunate, but that’s just how it is.
For all the people saying it has nothing to do with you and you don’t need a relationship with the child it’s only between the kids mother and your husband is WRONG. I literally think that’s disgusting. And that mother is immature and childish. They wouldn’t be saying that if you refused to watch his kid right? Exactly. If you are being nothing but nice and helping watch and feed and take care of that child when he’s at your house and you are making effort to help the father and his mother with transportation she should be thankful. There are a lot of step mothers out there that want nothing to do with the husbands other children!!! Especially since you’ve been in the child’s life for awhile and you aren’t some stranger, it shouldn’t be a problem. It’s drama and If your husband has set days it doesn’t matter if you pick him up , his mother , his grandmother whoever your husband sends it up to him.
As a single mother I honestly have to say Even if my ex got with someone I hate as long as she treats my kids well and shows them love and respect I wouldnt have a problem. There are many factors that may affect the moms decision in not allowing you to get her son. If her son didnt wanna go unless dad was there she may just be respecting her child. There are three sides to all stories so there is not enough facts on the table for anyone on here to have a opinion in this.
It’s their baby. Just stay in your place. Regardless of how you feel ab it, it’s the mothers choice.
I’ve dealt with a bitter ex like this, it’s damaging to the child
Oh boo hoo! That mother is well aware that you are playing a big role in taking care of her child when he’s visiting with his dad and siblings. There is no reason she can’t communicate for a drop off. The relationship ended for them, move on and co-parent like adults and that includes new spouses. These responses are mind-blowing. There is absolutely no need to be so bitter. I couldn’t imagine teaching my child that sort of behavior.
Some of your answers are the reason people look at coparenting so negatively. Being a step mom myself and having to go through this it’s hard. We are all on good terms now but it was really hard at first. Unless you have been through it personally, I suggest you "sit down " those kids are siblings and deserve to be apart of each others lives. It’s not just about the Dad. My husband works constantly and I have my step son 50/50. Worry about the best interest of the child not the feelings of the mother who needs to move on.
These responses 
What happened to putting the interest of the kids first! Ex seems immature, childish, and bitter. I would encourage your husband to take her back to court so you can help the arrangements. Theres no reason you cant!
My question, does step mom work? Is she a SAHM? What are dad’s opinions on this? If he was so concerned about seeing his kid HE should be the one speaking, talk to his employer about getting the weekends off, maybe have step mom pick up part time work.
This shouldn’t get to the point where the women are getting petty or catty… HE IS THE FATHER, PERIOD. It should be HIS responsibility to not only transport child, or get his family to help, but also to keep the peace between both women because THAT isn’t good for the child.
Some women are simply petty. Stay in your lane and be a wonderful step mom when you do see them. Otherwise, let him deal with her. Unfortunately, your stepson is none of your concern until he’s in your house…and even then (with this type of mother) you mustn’t forget that he HAS two parents so YOU ARE OPTIONAL.
Your only job is to be there IF he needs you and he will figure things out as he gets older. He will still love his step mom and he will know he can count on you even if his Mom ants to be an ass. Trust me, been in the exact same situation.
We’ve been together for 12 years, my step babies were 3 and newborn, now 15 and 12. Funny thing is the oldest one chose to live with us 2 years ago and the youngest plans to move in next summer and there are no issues. Be patient and supportive from your square Mama.
Sadly this is true for so many cases, if they actually focused on what’s best for the kids instead of caught up in their own feelings or bitterness, then it would be different. Being civil and coparenting for the kid is a thing. Just because she is the new gf ( and 4 years isnt new) doesnt mean you get to act like she doesnt exist. She is a human being and if they are in a serious relationship, she gets a say as to the things that go on in thier home. And if your daughter goes to spend time with her dad, guess what its their time with her as a family!
I for one want to know who my ex is with, i want to get to know her so i can trust her around my kids, period. That ex would be pissed if the ex husband put those same restrictions on her once she finally moves on and is trying to create her family and make sure her new partner feels as part of the relationship, which also has a role in that childs life.
She is trying to care for that child as she would her own, and not single her out…so why bash that?? Why create issues over bitterness when that could turn into such a special bond, with both seperate families???
You just text her when you’re on your way. Court orders…
He isnt choosing his gf over his daughter, he is doing his part as an adult and working. His daughter should still be able to be included in their family on those weekends though. She should have time with her siblings.and yes, he should figure out a better work schedule to accommodate his weekends. And him.and him family should go get his daughter
Why cant women and men too put their own selfishness and hate aside and be cordial with women and men willing to step up and be a loving,caring,nurturing role model in a childs life.It takes a village and why cant we allow them to be a part of that village?..why does it ALWAYS HAVE TO TURN INTO A COMPETITION! This causes so much trauma and harm to the child physically, mentally and emotionally…be grateful your exes significant other cares…
Think of child first.
My husband had a affair with someone in a drug program he came back to me when child was 1 1/2 years old at court mediation I wasn’t allowed to sit in or have anything to say the father has now passed and his mother only calls every 2 weeks I love my boy as if I had carried him he is now 16 it’s about the kid not petty immature parents
I think it’s your husband’s place to deal with his ex. With that being said he needs to set a firm schedule with her about you being at x place at x time so my wife can pick up our son if I’m at work. It’s court ordered so she will get in trouble if she doesn’t cooperate. Just be cordial when you see her.
The child isn’t yours, the husband is the one who should deal with the child’s mother. My ex has a wife and a fiancé, I refuse to deal with either of them. They force my child to call them mom and clearly don’t know their place so I deal with my ex and no one else. I’d say but out, she clearly isn’t interested in communicating with you.
Sorry, but she is a controlling bitch.
I think the dad should be responsible for making the contact with the ex about their child, it’s theirs to begin with and the court will tell anyone that . As I’m going through that myself, while it may seem the ex is petty we don’t know all the details but what stepmom is saying . As for my case my son’s stepmom has hated me from day one and I’ve done nothing wrong . My son dad was trying to go back and forth between the two of us and I told her and she blamed me instead of him. And when I wanted to get to know her since she was going to be around our child he refuse, always driving a wedge. It would be times he come get our son and he use to say he wants his family back or tell my child that he wants us together and I didn’t want that so he became “Bitter” thus for creating a wedge with me and new/girlfriend now wife. So I believe sometimes these men, not all cause the dysfunction what could’ve been good co-parenting all around didn’t start off on a good foundation to begin with… anytime I talked to my son dad his wife made sure, he’s on speaker with me, from day one if she not in the car with him, you best believe she’s in the car behind him this been going on for 5 almost six years when they was just dating. I just think when a man presents himself to the next woman he should have that in line. He if it’s possible should have already established a relationship with kids mom, boundaries set and it’ll leave no room for the next woman to be insecure or playing the hero idk just my opinion
this is between your husband and ex. nothing you can do she doesn’t have to have a relationship with you… it sucks because she is only causing more issues
My ex is the same way with my fiance. He will not communicate directly with my fiance. If my fiance ever have something to say to him I usually have him put it in your group message.we’ve been working at better communication for the whole time that we’ve been together, which has been about 5 years. Some peoe are just Petty, and don’t want someone else taking care of their kid, but that also doesn’t mean that you cut out the other chunk of family
The fact that you insist it is your right is partly where the problem lies
Ignorance is bliss with this one. Some of y’all’s comments are crackin me up though😂 If she married him, that is now her child too. If its already court ordered that THEY get the boy 2 days every other week or every week. It doesn’t matter who picks him up, as long as he is at his fathers house. The father and woman are married to one another, this means she is now a step PARENT to his child. This ex is just being a bitter bitch and most definitely still has feelings. Or she’d let her ex’s wife, not just a girlfriend or fiancé, but his WIFE get the child.
Everyone should be working together to do what is beat for the child!
She’s petty and immature but she needs to follow the law. You’re his wife and have the right to pick up your stepchild and she cannot go against court orders just because she’s jealous of you. Take her to court, tell them she refuses to cooperate. They can have her pick someone to communicate and let you pick up the child without any contact with her if she is so desperately intimidated by your presence. It’s not like you’re trying to have a relationship with her, I’m sure you couldn’t care less to speak to her, you just want your to pick up your stepchild. She’s probably just very butt hurt and wants to make things as difficult as possible while probably trying to make it seem that you and your husband don’t want to pick up your stepchild. She needs to grow up, shit happens and children should be priority. Unless there is actual danger and a court order specifying that only your husband is allowed there is no reason for her behavior and your husband needs to stop enabling it. Call the police the next time she refuses to let you pick your stepchild up, let her explain to them why she refuses. Bet she won’t like looking stupid and immature in front of people but that is exactly what she is being.
I actually just went through this with my ex, except I refuse to communicate with his significant other unless it’s in a group text so we’re all on the same page.
On the other side of that, I also block the ex from communicating with my half of our kids family unless it’s a group chat. I do all of the coordinating when it comes to my end of our handoff and then screenshot or include my partner/family as needed. If she’s refusing to engage you directly, that might be the easiest approach. Just because he can’t be the one to pick up the baby, doesn’t mean she can deny the visitation if he’s made arrangements.
Awww a stepmom will always feel out of place but what she is doing doesn’t make it any better at all I’m sorry !
Their son is not your son. Mind ya own damn business. It’s your husband’s job to sort that out, not yours