Im a step parent and I absolutely went to court and fought to have the same rights as my husband and I won. I was added as a guardian and was granted the ability to make decisions on my husbands behalf. He had a hectic work schedule but I wanted our children to know one another and have a relationship so I fought for it. Dont give up!
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Only way to fix it is thru the court.
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I would look at any court orders yall have. If it’s not clear enough file a petition and have it amended. I wish my ex’s wife would step up and try to be a step parent.
Every single one of you whack ass so called mothers who are saying “it’s not her child” need some sense knocked into you. She MARRIED A MAN WITH A CHILD. That IS her child. She would be as foul as y’all for thinking or acting otherwise.
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I think honestly that if his dad isn’t going to be there, mom should get that time.
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He should get it put in the orders that you can pick him up and she has to communicate with you
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I was told I cannot refuse to turn my son over to my exes wife.
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It’s not your job to watch their kid. Plus I’m sure he would rather be with his actual mom than hanging out with you & your younger kid’s listening to them cry & throw fits since his dad is always working.
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Their divorce and custody agreement is between the child’s mother and father. You might be the best ever step mother when he is in your home as part of that family, but unless she reaches out to you, you need to take a back seat.
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Talk to your husband and have him tell her that you’re part of the son and his life and therefore the bm needs to respect you too and allow you to pick him up. He needs to man up and sit down with her. Or next time…you all go down and pick him up and have a conversation face to face. Tell her this isnt about us but about the boy.
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She will never grow up and also looks like she still holds some source of feeling for father and she is using the child rather than getting over her own feelings. Sad really. I put up with this with my step daughter’s for years almost 7 to be exact. She seen me as the homewrecker yet I came in long after they split 
she destroyed a lot of things for us as a family. And still to this day I have never had any contact with it.
I on the other hand have 2 boys to a previous relationship and although we had a bumpy start we never allowed shit to transfer through the kids. So the boys have an amazing step mother Nikita that is just as much a parent to our boys that we are. If only every person had the mentality to not use the kids and put their differences aside. There would be a lot more happier children out there.
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Some of y’all are rude as fuck.
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To the poster, take her ass back to court. These bitter chicks will play games as long as you let them. Start a journal with dates & times of each time she does that spiteful mess, then take her to court. Be as specific as possible in the court order. The courts don’t like when parents withhold kids from the other parent. You don’t even need a lawyer if you do your research. You can file all the papers yourself.
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Sounds like the father needs to step it up and spend some time with his son. I get it, he has to work, but 7 days a week and never see my son? I’d be finding a new job or hell, I’d be pulling ot so he could take 1 day off every visit to see his son.
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You don’t have a right to anything unless that court order says you do.
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Dad needs to pickup his son end of story make time not complain about it get of you arse and be with him no mater what
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Once they are married that child becomes hers as well. The mother is being bitter. Some of y’all are bitter cunts.
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Please delete this post!! It’s getting ridiculous
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Unfortunately, even a marriage doesn’t give you legal rights to THEIR child. I’m going through the same thing, even with the court system involved, I only get my feelings hurt. We aren’t even able to see them because the mom is so bitter. We’ve been together for 3 years and I’ve only met them once. Even after hiring a lawyer, there’s nothing we can do. It’s as simple as her saying they’re “sick” and we can’t pick them up.
Sadly, the court systems have no heart when it comes to what’s best for the child.
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In my state, a spouse or family member is allowed to do pick-ups/drop-offs. Police can’t really help much for other stipulations, but they can help enforce the visitation time as long as you have a copy of the court order to show them.
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To the person that asked this question I wish all step parents would actually like to spend time with their step kids. Or even want to make it easier for the husband and pick up the child. Everyone talking shit. You realize if you get into a relationship with someone who has kids you take that person and their kids it’s a package deal not oh well I’m not his mom/dad I’m not doing this or that.Yall are dumb as hell
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My feelings on the matter are as such. I have been in this situation. I was THAT mother that refused to let my exs wife pick up his son. I refused for so long. Why? I didn’t feel comfortable with it, 2 I honestly hated her guts.
I felt he needed to take care of his own son and her not do it. Being in this situation I understand how you feel. I came to trust her, gave her the benefit of the doubt. She had kids of her own. She wouldn’t INTENTIONALLY hurt MY child and that I knew. Was i petty about it for a while yes I sure was.
He worked and couldnt get him at the designated time set for drop off and pick up.
I CHOSE to let HER pick up my son. WHY?!?! what my thoughts and opinions of the woman didnt matter. WHAT MATTERS IS THE CHILD. My child deserved the right to be with his dad no matter my feelings. Children shouldn’t be punished for what happened in the past. It’s our job as parents to do WHAT IS BEST FOR THE CHILD. It’s their life. What does it teach them if all we do is argue, and no get along. Some cannot coparent and for their situation that is truly their own business.
I co parent with my ex becuase it’s the BEST thing to do for my children becuase they DESERVE IT!
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Unfortunately step parents have no rights…the best thing you can do is tell your husband to cut back on his hours the days he’s suppose to get the child. After 4 years, she’s probably set in her ways and won’t be the one to make changes, you or hubby are going to have to
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Tbf i am with you all the way yot have a court order wich mean as long as the child is safe and the child and school know u r authorised to do so u can my nephew is going throu the same thing coz his ex partner is a prick too
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It’s between the childs parents. You need to respect her wishes and let them deal with their son together. Don’t whine to your husband about this as that puts him in middle of something you don’t like about his ex. You will be the one that looks bad not her.
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Sounds like she needs to grow up.
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Well for my opinion,She must be matured enough to understand the situation but every person have different perspectives.,and she also have a choice whether she’ll let you pick her kid or not because she is the mother and only the biological father or any family member of the father side can do it.,sorry but that is how things goes…I know nothing about the law but that’s is just for my thinking…I myself will also not let my x’s present wife pick my kid…
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Take her to court. For contempt of a court order, so as long as the order does not specify who picks him up, you have every right to do so, or go back to have it modified
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She is seriously petty ya’ll are grown adults she needs to act like one
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I don’t get why the ex gets all pissed off and jealous that he or she has moved on after THE divorce he or she is not your concern I get that they don’t trust them at 1st but you will never know until you take the time to find out what type of person they are. You have moved on and will expect him or her to except your choice in a mate do the same for them. CHILDREN ARE NOT WEAPONS
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Why are you trying to insert yourself in that situation so desperately why do you care if she talks to you or not?
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If I do not trust you; you will never be around my kid. That goes for dad or anyone else.
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It’s just easier all around if everyone gets along. You can bet the child hears all about it from the mom. Just let it go for everyone’s sake.
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Wow so much bitterness from so many women one page. Not only that but the hypocrisy that so many of you are spewing is just amazing.
Case in point…time after time this mother and many others in situations like this are being told “know your place”, “stay in your lane”, “you are nothing, the relationship is between the child and the father” and “if the father can’t take time off work to pick up his child himself then he doesn’t DESERVE to see the child.”
Yet you same women will have a STEP-FATHER in your home watching your children while YOU work, picking them up from daycare or school because YOU are at work, going to their social activities, playing the father role without a second thought.
So tell me ladies where the difference there lays?
Utterly ridiculousness and yes staight out bitterness.
Grow the hell up and put your children first. If you can’t honestly see that no child can have to many people in there lives who love them, then you are truly lost and believe me your kids will see it in the end.
Come at me all you want bitter mama’s, but I have said my piece and won’t be responding to people who are to thick to ever possibly get it. 
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You know what it’s a damn shame that all parents can’t recognize that a child can benefit from the love and care of all adults that’s are present in a child’s life
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Can’t believe some women here actually agree with the ex. Thats petty and childish. If the kid is safe, then why be immature like that? Step parents, who are in it for the long run, deserve the same respect. The ones in it for the long run. Can’t belive some women are still like that
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Some of y’all are way too worked up over some strangers comments 
I’ve been with my husband for 4 years and his ex wife did the same thing it’s really frustrating but she finally came to and let me pick up and drop off we communicate to now she started that last month hopefully your well come around like she did it makes it so much easier
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- it’s too bad when adults act petty and put their pettiness above the child’s needs
- if you believe that you should have the right then simply ADRESS IT TO THE COURT! TELL YOUR LAWYER TO ASK THAT YOU TOO HAVE THE LEGAL RIGHT PICK HIM UP
- otherwise stay out of it, STFU, no opinions, so bullshit, BE THE ADULT. You may be family but at the end of the day that’s his mommy and daddy PERIOD. Any problems you might have with her I 100% blame your husband because HE should have resolved this 4 YEARS ago! You do not address her, this is either the courts problem OR your husband problem.
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you are not the mom stay out of it and recppecr her bounderis if u dont like it take her to court
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If the court order doesn’t specify WHO picks him up, mention it in court. That your husband works, and sometimes can’t pick him up, so he sends you, but then the wife refuses
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Legally she doesn’t have to include you. You are not a biological parent and have no legal rights. You said “we” are court ordered which is incorrect. HE is court ordered. So obviously mom doesn’t like you for whatever reason & there is nothing you can do.
That said it’s really sad she is acting that way. My daughter’s stepmom & I communicate. She’s the one that comes & gets our kid on his weekends. Honestly if it wasn’t for her our kid would not see her dad because he’s just not interested. I tried to get family pics done for our kid with both families but my ex refused. It is what it is. 
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stop with the lawyers, dont pull the kid like a pawn. Dad has to show effort its only 4 days a month. Why cant they take turns pick up drop off
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Did you do anything that would had gotten her fired up… I know if I’m being disrespected I’m not doing nothing for nobody you can follow rules or move around… some women are disrespectful to the exs and if that was the case then I dont blame her… also if he was failing to make an effort before court order was placed then i would want to make sure my child is actually going with him…
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And that’s why you have orders to get the court order to give you permission to go and pick up the kid. And yes she is being petty not your fault is it that he isn’t with her
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If my husband and I ever split up I want it to be known whose mommy and whose daddy know your boundaries but she does need to make an effort to get to know you since you are involved in the kids life I’d want to know the people that are around my child
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Get your husband to intervene.
My question is, and its kind of sad that no one seemed to ask this because they are too busy saying “mind your own business”. Do the kids want to see dad? And if so and the mom is being petty by not allowing step mom to pick up the child, then shame on her. Its not about the ex, the mom or the new wife, its about what the kids want. I cannot believe the pettiness on this post about this. Not one of you asked if the kids wanted to go. I have had other people other than my ex pick up my kids because THEY WANTED TO SEE THEIR DAD. You all need to stop making this about yourselves
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The ones that agree with the EX suck a biq ass one period… For the Original Poster babe your are in your right to go pick that child up that ex of his needs to get her head out of her ass thats why she is an ex your are his wife if he is with you most of the day you have everyright to that child. Take her to court
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If they joint legal custody then you can go get the baby & she cannot stop you.
She doesn’t have to have anything to do with you if she doesn’t want too, you cant make her so just leave her alone! Yes she should be more mature but so should you especially for the sake of the child. It doesn’t matter if you help take care of their child or not it’s still their child and their business between them, yeah it might suck and you might love that child as your own but at the end of the day it’s just their child none elses no matter how much you care for the child. If the bio mom doesn’t want anything to do with you leave her alone she doesn’t have too and if she doesn’t want you picking up her child I cant blame her it’s her child and her decision, she shouldn’t have to have anyone but the father picking up THEIR child, that’s her right as the mother. If the father truly cares for his child nothing and I mean nothing will come between that he should make sure he can pick his own child up, he can do what he has too pick up his child no matter what it takes there’s no excuse in the world that he cant find time to pick his child up! We as parents rearrange our schedules for our children not the other way around! Stop starting stuff and let him go pick up his own child! You may be the step parent and I’m proud of you for loving another child as your own but you have to respect the mother whether you like her choices or not she doesn’t owe you anything and yes you may help take care of the child but at the end of the day it’s just their child not yours! But I hope everything works out and be patient let him pick up his own child nothing should stop that if he loves his kid enough he will always be able to make time to pick him up! Maybe one day she will be able to be more mature and let you in and help pick him up too but until then let them do their thing and let them be the parents to their child!
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My husbands ex is the same way except i was the only person she would talk to then she started to try to come between me and my husband so when i shut her out and quit trying to be nice to her and co parent now she will only speak to him and deal with him. It only hurts the children because they have a little sister they could be spending time with but she wants to be petty so 💁 hers and their loss my husband work 7 days of the week also i had to seperate myself from the situation and my feelings sound like you need to also… Now he is a dead beat dad dont see his kids dont talk to them she bashes him all over facebook we just dont let it bother us
There are two sides to every story. No one knows how the marriage ended. Maybe she’s justified. Maybe she’s being petty. No one will ever know. Each situation is different.
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Next time you go to court ask for an alternative pick up incase husband can’t for some reason. That’s how we fixed the issue
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I dont get why he cant go pick up his own child anyways there’s no excuse in the world why he cant! Make time…rearrange your schedule! Do whatever you have to to be able to get your child if you truly love them and want to spend time with them, it wont be a problem!
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So you are saying he can’t pick up his child because he works all day⁉️So what’s the point of court ordered days of technically he can’t be there for his son⁉️ I agree with alternative pick up option that your husband needs to bring up. Have in mind that will open up a whole can of crap that the judge might find like possibly take away those days or maybe even you’ll have to rearrange the whole schedule and that’s REALLY gonna piss off the mom.
Good luck 
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You have no say… sorry. I am on the other side of this except my ex husbands new fiance is toxic and started out hating me… so 
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My husbands ex refuses to speak to me as well but when it was our days to have the kids we were getting our kids one way or another. She absconded with them to a town two hours away and we couldn’t afford a lawyer at the time but we tried to fight anyway, the judge allowed her to move and it cut our time from having them half and half to only seeing them every other weekend. We agreed to a half way point (mutual ground) to meet at to get the kids and a time. 6 o’clock every other Friday, if she would dare not show up we would be ready to make the drive to her and call the police, we had a mediator on speed dial. They would show up every time, it doesn’t matter who was picking them up or dropping them off, sometimes I would pick them up some times their step dad drops them off. But we have a court ordered date, time and location when the exchange is supposed to happen, sounds like you need the same thing.
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She doesn’t have to communicate with you.
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It’s not your child so just leave it alone. She doesn’t have to communicate with you.
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Obviously she knows he works all the time and I don’t think she’s being petty if she’s only saying no to you picking up their son because she wants them to spend some one on one time with each other. What’s the point in his father getting visitation if he’s not even going to be able to spend some actual time to do things with his son, have you thought how the child feels knowing his siblings get to spend more time with their dad but he only gets a short time with him because he works all the time? Maybe that car ride is the best part of his day when he gets to see his dad because he can talk to him without being interrupted and be able to spend time with him alone like your children are able too. I get you love him too and you care for him but he does need time alone with his dad as well
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I would never let the girlfriend or wife of my sons dad pick them up. I get it if you want to help. But it is his responsibility and his days to be with the child. He should be the one making the time and fixing his schedule. What’s the point of picking him up if he won’t even see him til he probably goes to sleep. No offense, but if I don’t know you, even if you are family, I won’t let you around my son alone.
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Wow. How about what is right for the child? Spending time with both parents is important. My daughter’s dad’s gf picks her up and does things with her. He chose to be with her and I have made the decision to get to know her and trust her. If there is any reason to not trust your ex’s gf/wife, then I’d understand. But I think this is petty. The dad will get off work and have that time with the child when he gets home. Just like the mom does if she works. This pettiness is just childish and a bit heartbreaking for that child.
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Well, I don’t think she’s obligated to speak with you. I do think most good parents would try to make it happen for the kid’s sake. But you can’t make her.
I for one get the feeling you’re less than excited for him to go get this kid without you. It’s just a hunch but you seem the type. You can’t put yourself into the situation and make her accept it.
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Both parents have to love their kids more than they dislike each other. Someone gave me that advice when I separated from my husband, and we both agreed with that 100%. We separated when they were 4 and 5, we tried to keep things Fair. Christmas Eve they would go with your dad to his family’s but he would bring them back around midnight because I wanted them home for Christmas morning. He came for Christmas breakfast and present opening until they were 15 years old. He could see them anytime he wanted and he did often. I work different shifts and he would always be there to pick them up if I had to work evenings. You would get them up for school in the morning and drop them off or pick them up at school if I had to work. He could call at the drop of a hat and asked if they could go camping for the weekend and they always went. Important for kids to have both their parents no matter what the situation is. My son just told me recently that he never really felt the impact of the divorce because he saw his dad on a regular basis oh, we never spoke bad about each other no matter how much we want to do sometimes. Bottom line he was a good dad and I was a good mom. It’s possible to do it in a way that impacts the kids less. Just be down grown ups
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I’d prefer to deal with the other parent and not his partner. It is our children we had together. If my kids and I had to go through hell with family court because he wanted visitation, then he himself, is responsible for his end. The Judge on his own accord put in the parenting plan that we had an agreed pickup dropoff spot, we had specific dates and times, and he was clear neither significant others could do pickup and dropoffs for the parents. Our Judge told their Dad because he was adamant about his visitation with his kids, as an adult, he is responsible for adhering to the parenting plan and changing his work schedule accordingly to accomplish the parenting plan, or file a change to the parenting plan to update the schedule to fit his days off. Which, is appropriate for the other parent.
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News flash honey… She doesn’t have too… Not your child… My son’s father and myself are the only ones who are allowed to pick up our child at drop off. Not because it’s petty, but because our son is our responsibility… No our new partners…
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I think that if your husband WANTS to see his child he should go to court and make it so that legally she has to allow then visits regardless of who is picking up the child.
In my state once a visitation order is in place neither parent has say over who watches/transports the child when it’s not their time. (Valid safety concerns being the exemption) he just has to fight back.
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He can appoint anybody of sound mind to pick up his child. We had to do the same for my stepdaughter. It should even give you the power to call the cops, have them show up, and file the report where she is breaking the court order. Not sure what state you’re in but in Texas, you have to get 10 of these reports before you can take the other parent to court for refusing to follow the order.
Wife or husband is ok to be involved in my book but if its just a girlfriend or boyfriend then nope not happening
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What state do you live in bc if it’s Texas and she is doing this please pm me and I can link you up with some amazing people who believe in Texas Penal code 25.03 which is a state jail felony of interference with child custody. PLEASE PM ME SO I CAN HELP YALL!!!
I have been that mom before where I didn’t and Don’t communicate with my child’s dad’s girl friend because it’s high school drama and I want to punch her in the face. I have it where she can’t pick up my daughter she can’t be a pickups nothing because the way I see it if he wants to see her get will make the effort to see her and spend that time with her.
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id have him check the orders. There should be a section on if he can designate a competent adult to pick up or drop off the child at the time of visits. HE needs to inform her 2 days or so about it. If she refuses and the child is not picked up it is a violation of orders and she can be taken to court if it keeps up. where i live the custody can be flipped for that alone.
btw you have ZERO RIGHTS to that child. You dont have any say on anything or deal with medical or schooling. You are basically the babysitter.
For us, even though im stepmom and he is now on hubs custody, I have legal papers that give me legal say over his education and medical.
I’ve been in this position. While I understand fully that she didn’t want to involve me… the truth of it was he was at work and I was home with her. They didn’t have any court orders in place. I didn’t push it but he started telling her to text me and ask if I could get her or what time is good for drop off because he simply wasn’t home and it was too much of an aggravation for him to be the middle man. We had a okay balance by the end of my relationship with him. I was able to call her directly when she was acting out or something. You really can’t force her to communicate. It may always be this way unfortunately.
As for pick up I think y’all can have it written into the custody agreement that you can do pick ups. Good luck
It’s always the kid’s that suffer
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That’s up to the other childs mom but he should be able to spend time with his other siblings
Your a great step mom, don’t give up
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Why is everyone tossing around the word girlfriend? She clearly calls him ‘husband’ several times even says they are married.
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Sounds like she might be jelious and just being mean
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I have been split from my boys Dad for almost 9 years. We get along great, co-parent well, no drama. He is remarried and she comes to pick ups, boys games whatever they got going on. The 3 of us take the kids out to dinner. It’s a cool situation. That being said, I never exchange kids with just her ever. Our kids have me as their Mother and him as their Father. We exchange and drop off. She can be there but never just her.
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If you treat people according to their label, you’ll ALWAYS BE MISERABLE!!!
It’s just hurting the kids in the end smdh when are y’all going to realize the court system is playing you like the fools you are! Get over yourselves for the sake of precious human beings and let one more person love them!! It’s a damn shame.
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Wow I consider myself very lucky. I do all the drop offs with my boyfriend’s son every weekend due to his work schedule even before we lived together. I also pick up by myself when its needed. I also communicate very well with his ex wife when it comes to his son. In my opinion it can be done and it should be done whatever is in the best interest of the child. Everyone can/should be respectful and put the child first. I hope it gets better
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If he isn’t seeing his dad, then no. No need to get all upset.
my DAUGHTER is 2 and her father was just recently married (last weekend) he hasn’t even know this woman for a year and their already married and his now wife trys to communicate with me and I dont agree with it…she doesn’t know my daughter and it should be me and her father co parenting…she doesnt even have custody of her own DAUGHTER so yes my flag have been up since day 1
takes time to trust someone you got to get know someone first
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What’s written on the court order? I know you guys have a custody court order but legally speaking if it not stated on the court order that he can be transferred to and from his mums place by you i wouldn’t be doing it as the second you leave the driveway she can call the cops and place an emergency recovery order! I’m not saying she WILL do it but there are
that small percentage who will try their hardest to remove dads chances of seeing the child!
Shes bitter and very wrong here. You should be included and allowed to pick him up. Maybe that should be mentioned in court? Thats sad shes using the child. She will pay later in when the child grows up hating her.
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Ashley Cardoza where was this at? Considering BY state
Everyone keeps mentioning taking this mother to court but what judge is going to order this when the dad can’t even make time 2x a month to get his own child and the are on stated that she is the one who is home with him all the time.
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It’s time to grow up for the kids sake ! We don’t know if this woman is jealous also and has caused issues. Two sides to every story ! Maybe their sons Mom has reason that she doesn’t want to deal with this new wife. We don’t know. So I can’t say not knowing them. Lol. You all know how bitter and jealous women can be. Just saying.
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Bottom line is you have no rights to the child, his father has visitation with him not you. That being said (before everyone attacks me) the mother really should be more accommodating but unfortunately she doesn’t have to be. Pushing the issue and letting her know you’re upset by it only gives her the sense that she still has the power to interfere in your household. Do you really want to give her that?
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His child, his responsibility.
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His ex is very immature. You are not wrong. It’s just a sticky situation.
Sadly as you can see in some of these replies (and I’m sure I’ll have some come at me for this) some woman just don’t know how to be grown woman.
I don’t see why they have to make everything so difficult when it comes to these situations. They need to put the pride aside and do what is best for the child, and if he/she wants to spend time with the Father then Mommy needs to do what she needs to do.
I can understand woman having a issue if it’s just some random girlfriend, but you are his Wife and you have his kids as well so that means you have HER SONS siblings… which he should be around them.
The fact that you reach out and try on your part shows a lot. I think she should at least try to get to know you, and have a good co-parent relationship with you not just the Father because her son is also around you too and honestly I would want to get to know the person that my child is around… there is no reason for any woman to act this way but sadly a lot of them do.
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She didnt make a kid with you though. if dad isnt there then he wouldnt be there to spend time with kid. I thays what they think. Have a boufriend of 4 years in march. He has a 7 yr old who lives in another state. Meet half way would be 2 hr drive one way. Ive kept kiddo while dad worked thru week. Happy to do it if i can for them to see each other some more. But kids dont get it always why parent has to work. I have 3 teenahers of my own and have had exs new person pick up. Not all women do whats in kids best interest sadly. And siblings are important too. Just make sure youre jot being super bossy. Let him tell her youre coming. And that it will keep kid from traveling later at night and be safer. Kids first
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Watch the Red Table Talk with Jada Pinket Smith and his ex Sherree. A wonderfulness thing they did.
Other side here. I have two children to my ex and when he was with his ex she made things so difficult. In the end I completely cut communication with her because she played too many petty immature games and I never ever wanted to get caught up in their b.s. One if her games was trying to control the communication between my ex and I (was always about our kids, nothing dodgy) and act as if I needed her permission in order to talk to him about mine and HIS children. Because of this experience I refused to communicate with his next couple of partners too. I would only deal with him as it meant no drama for me and my kids still got to see their dad. Then he met his now partner and I was stand offish at first but now 5 years on her and I get along really well! I communicate with either either but normally make contact through her phone as she makes sure he follows up on replies etc…my advice would be to find out why she prefers to communicate through him, this is best done by your hubby, you will just aggrevate the situo more if you try…once he establishes the issue you guys can hopefully peacefully resolve it
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Crappy situation but the saddest part is that dad can’t find approximately 30 minutes to go get his child
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I feel you same situation I am in 100% the same… Everything. Its ridiculous. If I was in the position & my kid had a good step Mom I deff wouldn’t treat them like that. If someone is treating your kid right thats all that matters. It’s hard not to let it get to you I get it…
Your husband could TAKE THE DAY OFF to be with his kid!!!
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