I think the bio mom is just making excuses, finding ways to keep husband away from you. She is using the child as a pawn in a chess game, to prove she is the better mom. Talk to your husband and spare the child
You guys can and should set a time and day for FaceTime. When it comes to communicating you simply tell her that you have nothing to discuss unless it’s about the child therefore you will not discuss the past.
Live your life and stay out of it. Your hubby is the one that’s getting the texts and emails not you. Don’t let it affect you
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STOP! Stop patronizing this lady! When dad has the child, that is to be HIS time to bond, to enjoy with the child. And when the child is with mom, that’s her time. She is controlling your husband/her ex and the more he does what she says, the worse it’s going to get. She is making comments like “the child doesn’t look too happy”, she’ll use that in court against the dad.
She may take dad to court. Good! Let her. The courts will tell her to stop. I know with my daughter and her ex, it was in their agreement that during vacations they were to have UNINTERRUPTED time with the kids. The parents were allowed to call and talk to the kids but not run things.
Again, stop doing what she wants. If dad wants to take a video or pictures and send mom at the end of his time with the kids, that’s up to him but I would not do it often. Keep those pictures as proof of things dad does with the kids as well.
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Ignore. Don’t respond. (Read on case there’s necessary info about child.) If ex doesn’t have and audience, she’ll stop.
Set a scheduled time to call twice a day. Then dont answer the rest of the time. If the kids has a phone then leave all but one phone at home on outings.
If it is your husband, go to court and ask for some type of daily limit. If not, it’s his job to do that or speak up.
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Hopefully time will ease things. Limits do need to be set prior to child being with you.
You seem really level headed, and compassionate , go to probate court ans have the custody order modified to have less contact on your time with the child . Period. Its the only legal way . Maybe the judge can knock some sense into her
My oldests father got remarried… I stepped back and let them become a family unit… I would call her at work to check on my son! Remind about heart doctor appointments and so on… Like i said usually at her job. I tried not to interupt family time. My son while talking to me one day called her mom he then felt bad for doung so…i told him that i was glad that he had someone in his life that cared about him and he was close to… That she did all the things a mother does and he was lucky to have 2 moms…
My advice is to go phoneless computer less… While you have the child… Concentrate on the family unit… Hopefully your husband agrees with this… Read the texts and emails once a day in case they are important and take cues from the child on when to include mom. BM might… Not include BD when she has the child but this might help her move on also…
Good luck!!!
I would lay down the ground rules. A FaceTime before bed for 10 mins each day is it. When she emails and texts throughout the day, your husband needs to ignore them.
I would tell her that any emails will not be answered until after a certain time of day. Also the same for txts unless it’s an emergency!
Sounds Like BM needs to 1. Get over herself and 2 find something to do.
Drop the word Kid ,mothers ,fathers have great concerns about the step parents the child will let the mother know she is okay
Maybe the boundaries need to be settled with the lawyer.
Guess it’s up to the dad to set her straight, put the phone away and stop taking her messages.
Tell her to go look for a man she’s probably lonely
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She is a mom, give her grace. That baby is her whole world. Time is what she needs.
Stepmother hardest job on earth!
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Stop answering her demands send up dated pictures and leave it at that then message back all the time let the mom know you all are busy
Honestly you might want to reach out to family court for a mediation.
Daddy needs to man up and put an end to that. He has the ball in his hand.
Ask for a mediator through the court or family counseling
She needs a life other than her child and ex! As well she is infringeing on your time tell her to back off or she will end up in court. Father needs to stand up to this crazy ex.
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Or you can be like Barbara! And call her up
You need to have boundaries with her
Talk with the lawyer. Set up a call limit. Seriously I know of several families who have had to do this. Keep call and text records
Tell her to get a life! Lol!
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change phone number so she wont text or call lol
Honestly The best thing to do is keep it at a simple conversation as he doing. He is not obligated to give in to her requests. His obligation is to spend time with his child. Just tell her, “I understand you love your son and miss him when he is with his dad, however this is their time to bond. There has to be some kind of respect and boundaries. We are adults. Y’all’s son is the main focus here. If he wants to call you then he is more then welcome to use our phones to do so. Otherwise we will make sure he calls you before bed.”
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You need to "step back ". Yes, after telling your husband (the ex and father ) how you feel than its his job to set the boundaries between his ex and the time "he spends " with his child. See that’s where things get sticky, we women because we are married to the person, and in most cases when the child(dren) are at their Dad’s home, we do most of the "taking care if them ", BUT that is where we should stay, taking care of them. It’s a relationship still between the BM and the BF AND the child. Our rights are limited, yes limited. You are to be celebrated for taking such great care of the child, but the Father is the one that truly has the responsibility for this child, still must work with the Mother to ensure the Child’s best interests are met…AND that is the ONLY thing that matters at this point, IS THE CHILD HAPPY. Yep I’m sure the BM is a pain, but the BF has to solve that, not you.
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You can stop referring to her as your husband’s “baby Momma.” It’s derogatory and passive-aggressive. With that said, I wouldn’t be happy with how she’s behaving either. I think the child speaking to their mother every night at bedtime is sufficient unless something arises (ie; medically.) If she calls/texts outside the designated time, don’t answer. If she sends an email during the child’s visit - don’t reply til the end of the day. When you do reply, keep it cordial & brief. For example: “Jack is fine & having fun. We’ll see you Sunday evening. Take care.” Use the SAME sentence every single time she emails or texts. Hopefully you guys are saving ALL of the voicemails, texts & emails just in case you need them in the future. Good luck.
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I feel like this would be super hard as a birth mom to even give my child over for any amount of time to an ex. There is a reason they aren’t together and maybe she just doesn’t trust him as much. It is hard with only one side. I know for my own husband I have to text and call and leave instruction if I have to be gone overnight let a lone a weekend. Even my parents and inlaws. My girls are at their grandparents this week for an online convention and my husband has gone to check on them after work. We are both like that this week.
Answer the phone once a day for her. Otherwise… voice mail.
Your husband’s problem. Period.
He needs to set the boundaries and stop allowing her behavior to continue Mom and son can talk in the morning and at bedtime. Mom sounds like she needs some therapy
On big events like beach or Disney, invite her. Sounds horrible, but including her on a big trip might ease her mind.
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I know everybody is different and we have different situations. Here’s what I did. I refused to enter into an agreement of a visitation schedule. She panicked and requested that the friend of the court to force me into an agreement. The FOC then told her that all I am responsible for is to pay child support payments on time. I then explained that my children are welcome anytime as long as she approved. It turned out that the children actually spent more time with me than her. I wrote on the calendar everytime I had them and was refunded a bunch of money from the FOC.
She enjoys having the control over him and the kids. So, let her have it and all the responsibility that comes with it. I’m betting she will run for her life. Or at least get a life…
Turn off the phone when you have the child
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Live YOUR life, not hers.
You have to answer the phone to be part of this…so don’t answer all of the time.
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There’s nothing YOU can do or say and YOU shouldn’t. This is all on the father. He’s the one who needs to handle the situation and keep you out of it. You will obviously spend time with the child and that’s fine. But in no way should you get involved in this mess, though you feel you are, you’re really not. If this is his court order visitation time then he should talk to his lawyer about her stopping her nonsense.
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He doesn’t have to answer or respond. That is his time with his child . He needs to tell her to back off period.
Your husband needs to set better boundaries as she doesn’t, he needs to give her times when he can talk and he’s not in the middle of something with his daughter. She is wrong as she has the child 80% of the time and he only has 10% and she’s trying to hog that too. He’s caring about her feelings while she doesn’t care at all about his, boundaries need to be set and he has to stick to them because this will continue. He is the child’s parent as much as she is and she needs to respect that and give him his time.
Personally I would leave it up to your husband. Not one of us knows the relationship between the biological parents. There could be many reasons mom is concerned due to their past together.
If there is no reasons hopefully it isn’t fuled by jealousy and control and she stops as her child gets older and she feels more comfortable with them being gone. You could respectfully ask your husband if he thought it’d be a good idea to start texting when you’re in the middle of somthing “busy at the time, I will have he/she call later today”. Incase it is out of jealousy I would advise ignoring the emails and excessive calls. I wouldn’t feed into unnecessary conversations. If I were him I’d have my child call in the mornings before mom has to and call before bed. I’d leave the phone calls between child and mom. I would text once in the middle of the day to let mom know all is well. This gives mom communication with child and also is a civil/respectful way for dad to show he is coparenting. As for everyone saying go to court, Court is expensive and they can’t upkeep all the rules so you could end up going all the time. It can get messy and ugly. It gives strangers who don’t have any ties or emotions towards your families power over your lives. I’d try to handle it as adults on your own.
If visitation was ordered as part of the custody agreement, her husband needs to make the courts aware of this. She could be in violation of the court order.
I understand separation anxiety since he’s still a small child and vunerable to most things, it sounds like her and the father’s relationship isn’t quite over with all the calling since they have the child projecting a family image that she’s not apart of. I guess she could be having regrets and wants her family back. That’s older women never was so quick to turn their husband’s to the arms of another women with Divorce so, they cheated and came back home and put a united front for the children.
I think the most important thing here is not to confuse children. I would tell my step children that I would always respect their biological mother under any circumstances. I would leave the room while they are taking on the phone. I would tell them that their mother and father are very proud of them. And, I would tell them how grateful I am for them to accept me. Like other comments say, I think it’s good idea to set schedule after dinner or so on, so that the children can always answer the call from their mother. And, their mother won’t be insecure that much.
Y’all could try co-parenting together (you and her) also Like when she can’t find something child needs offer to check your area or online. Plan some outtings together. Sometimes that works better than shutting the other parent out completely
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Dont read the emails. Advise your husband to not respond to them. What he does, is up to him. Facetime between the kid and his mom only and no 5 year old will do that for very long. ( teach him how to do games on facetime, lol, no adult wants to that for very long) set a time, every other day for regular short phone calls. Try to stay out of the picture of communication with his mom. Ask your husband to shorten it up, make it less. Turn off the phone for beach time and other fun time to prevent interruptions. She cant tell you to always keep your phone on. Time will correct this situation. She wont keep it up year after year. Be patient and do those small things that might help. Like turning the phone off while recreating. Letting only the child be doing the facetime. Ignoring the emails. Responding to texts with brief “he is fine, all is well” each text. Same thing, same response each time so engagement is limited.
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Tell her it’s his time with his child and if he has any questions he will ask. Then shut his phone off or put it on silent, then put it down… If he still insists on chatting with the “ex”, you might might want to rethink your relationship…
Why can’t the father just ignore the stupid womens calls? Does he have a freaking backbone?
If hes just starting to get the child maybe give her a lol time. She may grow out of this
Ignore her wen u have the boy
Unless ther is a emergency she doesn’t need to call …
Don’t let this evil bitch win
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Doesnt want to let go syndrome.Cant believe another woman is capable of looking after her child.
Turns your phone off.
Can’t he file Harassment charges!
As many stepmoms that kill children…I don’t blame her…you trying to play mommy after you took her place…stop trying to act like you are concerned for her…you broke up a family…hush…
Don’t answer the phone. Turn it off
I would take screenshots of all the texts and keep them in case something goes wacky.
What does the court paoers say regarding visitatiin
Omg… This is the mother. You are NOT. RESPECT HER BOUNDARIES. ARE YOU DUMB?
Hook her up with my ex cuz i got the same problem🤣
Just let him deal with it.
Debbie Folsom like the way you worded that, I was going to say something to the same statement.
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Dawn Brown Casale I agree with you. They you worded it is great.
Leave your phone at home when going out with the child.
Send this email to her
Dont interfere. Let him handle
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It’s called harrassment. I went through it with hubby’s ex wife. I had a report made out for excessive harassment and she could not contact us by any means…and she if she did…she would be arrested. Block her number when you have child and block block email
I would talk to her snd tell her that her calling and texting is excessive. I would lay strict ground rules and follow them .
Example :
- Have child call in morning to say , Hi mommy im doing ok .
- Dad can send a simple text later in day to let her know she’s fine .
And 3. Let daughter call again to say good night .
Simply tell her all other texts and phone calls will be ignored.
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Its between him and her only sorry
Don’t answer the phone there other way to.
Find someone she might like, and do a double date, or blind date. She won’t stop until she’s over him, which won’t happen until she finds someone.
There is a court approved ap for communication. Idk the name if it.
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Ignore the ex lol eventually she will just fuck off and let y’all be
“The kid”!!!
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My first question is did she do this with him before you were in the picture? If the answer is yes then unfortunately it probably won’t change since he accommodated that behavior from her. If she just started doing this once you were in the picture then my suggestion would be to ignore the calls/texts when it’s inconvenient then call her back when it’s convenient. You may need to contact your lawyer to set-up a mediation to discuss this. My step-sons BM does the same thing except she contacts her son directly since he has his own phone. She constantly contacts him to get a play by play of what he’s doing. We had to talk to him, he was 13/14, about how he needs to wait until he gets home to tell her about the weekend. I don’t think they’ve stopped, I think he’s just more secret about it now…he’s 17 
. Hang in there being a step parent is one of the hardest and most under appreciated jobs!
Block her while at events or special time… then unblock her at pre arranged call times w child. Or just don’t answet
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Mom is envious and the more you 2 try to appease her WANTS the more miserable she will become.
Set boundaries and set times for phone calls.
Stop responding to any non-sense. Its none of her business how much the kid is enjoying her time with her dad and step mom. Only needs to about the kids safety and well being. .let the kid decide if she wants to let mom know what activities she is doing. Otherwise the mom will make the kid feel awful for enjoying any time at all when she is with YOU!
Don’t answer the phone
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Everyone is telling you to set up designated times for her to call and whatnot…which in a perfect world would be great…but from the sound of things sounds like she’d be difficult anyway and not comply. Your best bet is your husband taking her to court and getting these rules set in stone with the law. Which even then she may not still comply…which will result in a back and fourth with court hearings. Sounds to me that she’s jealous of you and her ex being happy together…which is not uncommon. The best bit of advice I can give is giving it time…it takes awhile but eventually she’ll heal from her jealousy and move on. My ex and myself used to go around and around arguing over unnecessary shit…and although it took some years we get along great now…stay strong and just love that child and your husband as much as you can…it’ll get better 
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Don’t answer… and this is why I don’t and will not date nor marry a man with small kids… this type of drama I don’t need…
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Don’t check the email until end of the day or within 24 hrs. Have a specific time where mom can call the child
We did t answer any of her attempted communication when we had the kids
As the child grows, it will get better. The mom is probably not handling the distance between her and child.
Hoping it will work better in future!
Stop answering.
Stop replying.
Tell her you’re only doing one call a day, or every other day and set a specific time for that call.
Set your boundaries and stick to them.
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She’s miserable and wants you to be too… If she has him majority of the time and is contacting you constantly, it’s definitely way past the concern for the child. She is doing that to make it hard for you and stir up trouble in your marriage. I can imagine it’s a tough spot for you and she should be glad that her child is around a loving individual and not one of these ratchets who torture their bonus kids… You may just have to go to court to get a detailed agreement on visitation, as far as what is acceptable. She just seems like she feels like she can do whatever she wants because that’s her child but the father has rights too…
Ignore the text messages and emails. Have the child Facetime mom once at day. As my dad used to say, to end a tug of war…let go of the rope.
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Send one sided emails just telling her about the kids day where you went and all that. Dont respond to any emails not in regards to the child. Stop rewarding this attention seeking behavior. Facetime her at the end of the day like around bedtime not whenever she wants.
Its the kids dads time she just has to get over it
Living with this 100%
Honestly I’m not sure how we are gonna handle it but we have our little man 95% of the time or more
Yes , He can get court ordered parenting app . They can only use it and the courts see what they write you also will be red flagged if any type of negative or cursing is involved . He can have it written she can’t call or text him or 3 rd party him but only in the certain time set up by the court . This is a form of harassment . She can get her parenting time reduced or taken away if she doesn’t stop !! I went through this crap with my family member ex wife . If a man did this to a ex wife he would have hell to pay . Ladies same goes for you when you act like this . My family member has a PPO and parenting app . It got worse when the family member got a new love life . Cps , cops , stalking , reporting false claims of kidnapped kids …
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Your husband needs to tell her from now she is allowed one phone call a visit. That she needs to understand u all only get to spend quality time with child 20% so it’s precious time. It’s trying to build as many memories as possible. If u don’t put a stop to it now it’s only gonna get worse. We went through same thing. Even now after putting our foot down on alot of things we still have issues. It’s all about her wanting to be in control. That and wanting your husband back. She figures the more she’s in your face that u all will fight and he might go back to her. So nip it in the bud now before it gets worse.
Have the child speak to her in the morning when she wakes up and then again when she is going to sleep. That’s enough interaction. If the mom calls during the day, ignore it and go about your day. There won’t be any repercussions because you are allowing that behavior. Both you and the father!!!
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Communicate when it’s convenient for the two of you.
Make sure that you have a custody order in place and take the child when you guys are supposed to.
Call her each night before bed so the child can still feel like his mother is included and his feelings can be validated if he wants to talk to his mom.
She isn’t going to stop. Stop letting her control your visits and taking up that time.
You don’t have to answer the phone or owe her an explanation or the plans you have set.out for the day.
She only.matters in his world… not yours.
I let the BM get into my head and now me and my husband got a divorce 5 years ago because I could stand up for.myself and couldn’t stand the drama all the time.
If I knew what I know now and was as mature as.what I am now. I think things would’ve been different.
Good luck to you
Lol,believe me I’m a stepmom too.And it never got better.Actually it got worse.My stepson couldn’t call his mom while at my house because she would guilt trip him and tell him “how dare you brag about what you get,get to do at your dads because you have a Daddy and your brothers don’t.Just like she would intentionally leave him out of things at home to “punish” him for having a Daddy.Like letting the other siblings go to church ,put them in sports activities or allow the other siblings to spend the night over at friends.We fought for custody and won it after 3 years.A year into our custody we found out my Stepson was touching our Nonverbal Autistic child inappropriately. We also learned that he was victimized by his older brother.I had to go through the Judicial system to get him placement into a residential facility.He spent 4 years there and got out last December.His mother was so mad that he asked the courts for supervised visitation with his mother that she refused to see him or allow him to see his younger brother.She wouldn’t even let him say hello over the phone.She told him if he wanted to have anything to do with her he knew where she was at… So don’t hold your breath that his EX is going to grow up anytime soon…My husbands Ex is the worst example and doesn’t deserve the “Label” of Mother…and now that my Stepson is growing up (soon to be 19) he can finally see how toxic she really is…
I went through this with my ex husband. Granted, I had my son most of the time. I would block him from calling/texting. I told him he has a set time to FaceTime our son and that’s what we stuck with. He still treats my daughter as his own (shes not his, obviously) so she also talks to him. Now its just to the point where he can call whenever and if we’re busy, he tells me to let them call him back whenever they can. Usually after tubbys and before bed. Sometimes he takes them BOTH for sleepovers and they love it! I feel like after setting some ground rules, and making it court ordered that he’s not to constantly text or call, we’re now getting along alot better and the kids appreciate every second of it. My daughters dad, has always been very understanding and works with our schedule. He has 50/50 and we work well with it. He also takes the kids for sleepovers. He’s actually taking them both camping for my daughter’s birthday. 
it’s hard, trust me. If she can’t understand boundaries, your husband should add it into the custody agreement. Works wonders!
Agree with everyone else…ignore the calls. Set a time either bedtime or morning to have child call her. Otherwise hit ignore!
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Agree, two communications daily, once in the morning, once before bed, and that’s it. Setting firm guidlines, and stick to it!!!
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