Girl I’m still dealing with this after ten yrs. Its not as bad but it happens every 6 months…lol u guys can save all the emails and txt and take it to court. Thats if its a court order custody u guys have. My hubby finally got primary custody and she gets them one day out the week and every other weekend. In our order the other parent is not allowed to talk about the bf or gf. Any negative or bad things thru phone calls txts emails or any social media platforms. We did buy the kids phones so she would have to call them. It did help alot but I know she still talks shit to the kids. They tell me. I just don’t pay it any mind. Hubby also blocked her #, and if anything important comes up he will unblock her let her know then block her again. It did help alot.
First…I wouldn’t refer to the child’s mother as BM; baby mommy; disrespectful… what does the court order say…I would have the father encourage a FaceTime at certain time, n goodnight call… until the child is old enough to have their own phone then the mom can contact the child directly
Well as a mom seeing that she already has the kid 80% of the time she should just enjoy her couple of days to herself. I think before going back to court your husband needs to talk to her and say look when our child is with me you can talk at the end of the day but I need to be able to have uninterrupted parenting time because I already miss out on so much. Also he can say the constant calling is causing the child to feel guilty and we want our child to be happy. Let her know if there’s any info that is important she will be contacted immediately. Let her know that the time dad and child spent together is important just as important as time with mom. Sometimes people need a little perspective. If that doesn’t work then send a short email stating the requests already spoken about and if she doesn’t stop the interruptions on his time then he will have no choice to go to court and get an order for her to stop calling and emailing on dads time. Because its hurting the child.
Your husband should be stepping up to his BM clearly he’s okay w her checking in so often. Eventually she will understand when everyone is having fun she won’t be to much of a bother. I don’t believe ignoring her calls is good you never know if it is an emergency
1-Follow the divorce decree if there is a specified time for communication. 2-only allow communication at that time (from her or to her).3-block her number before and after.4-boundaries,boundaries,boundaries.5-remind her she can’t have access to your husband anymore outside the child. As well as the decree says she can only have access to her child at a certain time. 6-stick with it. 7- document everything. 8- don’t let her manipulate or guilt trip the child.
9- If it doesn’t stop, take her back to court. It gets easier. But you have to stick to your boundaries. There are people who just can’t move on and so any access is still access - if that makes sense. That’s all they want. It is a shame that the child gets put in the middle of a “head” game. Keep being you and put the child first. Always. Be good to you and give yourself a lot of grace. Prayers to you!
So definitely I think the MOTHER seems to be the jealous one. Just because it’s hurt child doesn’t mean she can totally infringe on your husband’s time with his son and your marriage. It must be alot to deal with and your outlook seems very positive and what’s best for the child. It needs to be brought up to her period. It’s also your husband’s son and I’m sure she wouldn’t like being micro managed with her child. Your his wife so your involved and an important part of the equation. Anyone who doesn’t see that needs to grow up.
First off sounds like she is 100 percent trying to control the dads time with the child (not her place) secondly if it’s a court ordered visit he doesn’t have to keep in constant contact with the mother for any reason he don’t have to answer the phone text or emails while it’s his time with the child she really needs to back off and he should tell her so 
sounds like she isn’t over him one bit, obviously he is her or else he wouldn’t be married to you so my advice is if it’s not a court ordered visit I’d try and get it that way. That way he can have his time without being interrupted by crazy off the wall emails and text from crazy baby momma
You picked him. Be supportive to your husband and stay in your lane
So it’s been like this for the past three years you have been together?
Set healthy boundaries and be firm and stick to them. People will push for lots of reasons but that is there issue and they need to deal with it. Learn to say No and stick with it , she will eventually settle down.
I’m so sorry you have to go through this. I think a convo needs to be had before any changes are made. He needs to let her know he’s ok with the child calling when she wakes and before bed. Anytime throughout the day that the child wants to speak to her mom she can call as well. Anything other than that will be ignored. I believe she needs to know what’s going to happen before hand so it doesn’t cause any issues in the future.
I’m a bio mom and my daughter goes with her dad quite often. I don’t call because I want her to enjoy her time with her dad. She calls me daily and when I think it’s too much I encourage her to go spend time with her dad. She’s older now so it’s a little different but I think you should allow the child to make the decision on when she wants to speak to her mom. Mom just needs to understand it’s not her time and she needs to fall back.
Ignore her until the night or the day time. She’s trying to drive you away cause she’s bitter and petty. My ex’s baby momma was like that in the beginning and I had to put my foot down to her cause she kept threatening to take my ex to court to get my child support and would tell him she’d have her sisters help pay for a lawyer to fight for full custody. She later admitted she was trying to break us up or get his to give up trying to see the kids but he never did and we didn’t break up because of her
That is all apart of her manipulation. Sounds like shes jealous and bitter. Which sucks for her. But id explain to her that youre not playing her games anymore. There will be specific times when she can face time and talk to the kids. After breakfast in the morning. And at night before bed to tell her how their day went and to say goodnight. If she doesnt like you being around. Well tough shit. You sound like a wonderful step mom if youre being involved in the activities with the kids. She needs to accept that he has moved on and this is how life will be. She will get nowhere making it harder on you 2. Eventually this will come between you 2 bc you will get fed up and he will feel like hes being put in the middle of his relationship with you and the relationship with his children bc of her. So someone needs to put their foot down with her. Sounds like shes just trying to be controlling. And this isnt right.
Tell her to ease up on all that texting, e-mailing and facetime bullshit, tell her how in the world can you even enjoy the visit if she’s constantly interrupting the fun, she needs to really “Step back & take a deep breath” and just leave you guys alone, you only have the child for a short time. Good luck 
I wouldn’t tolerate it. There is no reason to talk every day. That is dads time with his child. I see calling here and there but no reason for daily or all day long. Stuff happens. If need to get a mediator to be in middle of her and the dad. We just recently did this. My husband wouldn’t talk to his ex she went thru me and I got so tired of being belittled and thrown under that I blocked her and said to contact a mediator to have further communication.
our solution was 2 calls per day, no calls from 10am to 7pm she won’t like it but stick to it. If she has an emergency she needs to call 911 not a 5 yr old.
Suggestion, take it back to court, have it set in stone because with what we’ve dealt with, she probably won’t quit. She’s jealous of u n their child around other women. I don’t care what anybody says. U have those baby mama’s who think it’s suppose to be all bout them. As a mom, I wouldn’t have done this because that’s interrupting their time with their other parent. Good luck, hopefully it gets better.
She 100% jealous!
Tell her is she doesn’t want you arround during FaceTime, than tell her no FaceTime at YOUR house, you don’t need to hide in your own home.
If she has the kids 80% of the time, there is NO need for FaceTime on dads time, but if he is ok with it, he should set up a designated FaceTime schedule, for example: one 5 min FaceTime at bedtime, that’s it. Scheduled so everyone knows and can’t change it.
Sounds like the husband has to have a sit down and have a heart to heart talk with the BM.
Don’t answer we went thru this she would call 10xs back to back and say just wanted to make sure you were going to answer when I call. Finally started turning the phone off she will continue to do what is allowed. Boundaries need to be set she can call and speak to the child at set times or if the child wants to call her.
Go back to Court and have her ordered to seek counseling.
Let your husband handle it. Any input from you will not be received well by her and can build resentment between you and your husband. Is the child complaining? If not, then don’t make it an issue. You can hand the phone to the child when she calls. The BM will eventually lose interest when she sees she’s not affecting the two of you.
Your husband needs to put his foot down and set boundaries. He’s allowing this behavior by engaging her and appeasing her. His time with his son is his time and should not be interrupted by the mother. I appreciate that you seem to respect her position as his mother but that does not give her the right to behave in this manner. Your husband needs to ignore her. Stop reading and answering her emails. Stop texting her. Stop answering her phone calls while he has his son. He can send her messages to update her on the well-being of her son if needed but other than that there really doesn’t need to be any other communication at this point until she can get it together. And if that does not work then I am sure that a judge wouldn’t take too kindly to her interruption of the father’s visitation time.
And this is coming from someone who is a stepmother as well as someone who has a daughter that I have to coparent with an ex and his wife.
Your husband should have a conversation with her, preferably via email, to come up with appropriate times for communication. 
Ignore the text and emails. FaceTime at the end of day. Then she can tell her about the day.
What is the vebage in the divorce decree?
She still bitter…have him block her calls wen the child is with you guys.
Lessons learn to all those women out there.
We deal with this currently all the time. We have set clear boundaries and enforce them! We’ve been living together for almost 2yrs. The happier BM is in her life the more she leaves us be.
I would have the husband set boundaries with her, maybe only have 3 phone calls to the kid and kid only. Maybe just 2. One in the morning and 1 at night after all the activities are over. Make sure the mother of the child knows that if something happens you will let her know immediately.
As a family, sit down and come up with scheduled contact times (excluding emergencies. Those obviously can’t be scheduled). And come up with what works for everyone involved.
Try to keep ignoring her she will soon have to let it go she is hurt and wants to make a fight with you guys and she trying everything to get in between you both.
Leave it between the parents of the child. Are you sure you aren’t intentionally making yourself seen in the background of the FaceTime calls ? Step back and allow the mother and child phone calls, after all you have plenty of time when the call ends. As for her not over her ex, he is with you so don’t sweat the small stuff
We had scheduled weekly phone visits. Just like visitation it was court ordered. I just ignore him any other time unless it was important. My daughter could call her dad anytime she liked.
Sad how people act but you do not want her to use anything against you or him in future. Others can see through what she is doing; just think logical and let her look more controlling and disruptive then you and your husband. Do not give her texts or fustratiin to use.
I would set up a time for each day to do FaceTime with her so she still feels involved and limit to only that time. Talk to her and just let her know while the child is with dad and yourself, she needs to respect that it is your time with him. If the child wants to call and talk to BM more than once in a day, then let him but I would start with that.
I hate bitter BM. So stupid that some women act this way Smh!! She need to go sit down. Your husband need to let her know when the child is with you guys she can’t control the situation. It’s his quality time with his child… He can facetime her after you guys are done. She clearly has too much power. Your husband has to stand his ground. She will get over it
Theres an app that courts use for parents to communicate through. So the courts have access to all conversations. If i were you i would have him go to court with all emails text msgs and call logs and ask that all communication go through the app.
I know with my step daughter, the mother according to the court order is only allowed to call once a day for communication with the child. It has to be around the same time. She is not allowed to text or call any other time. I know after almost 5 years for me, her mother still refuses to speak to me. She herself has a new boyfriend and you would like think things let up. But no, some women are just that immature and petty. At pickup she snatches my step daughters bag from my hand and distracts her from saying bye to us or her siblings.
Sounds like you need to be doing the same thing to her when the child is with her
As a mother of a small child, I too would probably be the same way. You state she has her 80% of the time. Mother’s experience separation anxiety from their children. Please try only think of the child and mother if you were in their shoes. Has a private conversation with the father and be done with it. You married him knowing he had a child that lived away from him.
If Mom has a child 80% of the time then I think it’s only fair and right that she allow the child dad private time with the child to do things on their time and she should enjoy her life and her time to herself. It sounds like she still wants dad and is going to make their life miserable trying to split them up. I think it’s time to get an attorney involved to set boundaries for when dad has his time with the child. And if she continues to do this after legal boundaries are set keep copies of the paper trail take her back to court
Some people say give her time…it’s been THREE yrs.
The dad needs to find his ball$ and put down some rules .
She can call at night to say gdnight and even that she don’t need to do.
It’s his time period .
Our grandson which just turned 7 goes to his dad on wknds and we don’t ever do that unless we really need to and most of the time I will text the gf and we are good because we trust her .
That is just RIDICULOUS and y’all shouldn’t have to put up with it.
Call an attorney.
Have him tell his ex that if there is an emergency you will be in touch, but you have decided to focus on child and be more unplugged during his visits so that you can share family time and make memories. Then do just that. Let her know that there will be no answering calls or emails. It may be a pain to ignore them, but you are going to have to teach her boundaries. You don’t have to be accessible 24/7 and this is affecting your visit time.
Shocked at how many comments are agreeing with the mother 
That’s not normal behaviour
If her so called demands are not in the custody papers…turn off the devices that she is contacting you on and go about your visits…if she looses her mind (which by what you have described she probably will) but playing her game is only going to steal the precious time you all have together…she does it because she’s allowed to get away with it…boundaries need to be set…it’s his time with his son and if there is something he feels she needs to know he will reach out to her!
As a divorced mom I didn’t call unless they were gone for an extended period of time. I had sole custody and this was the time they got to spend with their dad! Did I worry and miss them? Of course I did! But the time with their dad is rare so I let them enjoy it! The dad needs to set some rules with the mom! She’s just being nosey in my opinion and rude!
If its the dads visatations time… The mom doesn’t have the right to demand anything… It’s dads time not hers. Sounds like jeoulos mom and she needs to get a life.
I wouldn’t answer phone or emails.
Mom needs a life outside of child raising!
Take her to court. When the child is with the other parent, she CANNOT be doing that. That is HIS time with the child and she needs to stop. Depending on what state you live in. My sister has custody of her son. When the Dad started taking him, she would call to see how he was doing. Well, he took her to court and she got in trouble. Ask an attorney how can you guys about it. If it bothers her that the child face times you when you are around, she needs some growing to to do.
Its not normal, it’s harassment. Contact an attorney.
You should never date a man with a child that young. The mother is still trying to keep her family together and it shows his own maturity and lack of commitment.
Don’t give him a baby!
Why is he with you instead of the real mom?Sounds like a betrayal situation.
Aimee Nelson I think the mother is being messy and if you did that to me the child would be with you 100 percent of the time until we get it right. Why do I have to hide in another room when the child and mother are face timing? I bet there is NO phone calls, facetime, or emails when the child is at school. I would speak to the father regarding the situation and prayerfully things would change. No OTHER woman is going to run my house. I’m the ONLY QUEEN in my castle. I have no problem with mom communicating with her baby every day but ALL day, no. The child can be on the way back to you. Just messy and miserable
She has to be in control. My mom did this when i visited my grandma.
Calling to say goodnight should be more than enough but if dad has agreed that he will take a call for the babs at a certain time he should do this too no matter what your plans are…
Someone is definitely toting feelings. She don’t like you
Period!
If he screw her over why should she forget. If he isn’t a good parent but an excellent pretender then she should check on her child. There is always 2 sides. She is FaceTime to make sure the child is safe because Obviously he’s given her many reasons in the past that the child wasn’t safe over and over again obviously he’s done some things that bring her to this point she’s over him trust me she’s worried about her child
Have the father be polite and set a time to face time with the child. Like bedtime to say good night and maybe read a story to the child. Tell her you will reply to emails at night after the child goes to bed. Send every thing via email be direct polite and firm. Also state that this is to keep communication open but also to prevent interference with your time. Plus it will create your own paper trail.
Narcissistic people sick their head up their own but then blame you for the smell. And this new wife will find out the hard way like she did
I’d switch to a diary , that goes between parents so each know what the child has been up to when not with the other parent, you can put what you plan to do, even add if any issues etc advise that the child is well and safe in your care, suggest mum finds a new hobby and if there is ever an emergency you would call right away, moving forward you make sure the child rings, calls or texts good night.
I have been in your shoes… she is jealous to some degree but it’s his responsibility to talk with her to tell her to back off. He doesn’t need to constantly answer her. I would say to set certain times for discussion
You are not obligated to communicate with her unless you are discussing the pickup or drop off of the said child. Otherwise you are doing her a service being so liberal with your husbands time . She is abusing her privilege. Your husband needs to remind her of this Allowing a short facetime to say goodnight is fair , but the constant emails and texts are out of bounds.
I feel for you, your partner, your child (yes, yours too), and the child’s mother.
Separation & broken families suck. Really there is no nice way to say it.
Without knowing your situation, I’m guessing there there are no court orders, so perhaps you & your partner could liaise with the mother and agree on arranged times for telephone/face time contact? Unless there is a special occasion in which case the time can be amended.
This should work both ways if desired.
Oh don’t you love all the games we play out of jealousy… Grin and bare it is all the advise I can give you and concentrate on a pleasant time with the lil girl showing her she is the important one… You don’t have to answer calls, emails or texts, at the moment she calls… Pick a time in the evening before she goes to bed for her to visit with her mom… When so much new things are not distracting her from talking to her mom… She doesn’t want to share “good” memories or better times with you as a “mother figure”… She wants that important roll all to herself… I found keeping my attention on the kids was the important thing and they knew it…
Turn off the phone when u guys are out and only answer towards the end of the day to let the other parent know the day went well
She should be happy that he cares to spend time with his son. The mother is just jealous and needs to let go of her ex. I would lay down some rules with her about what is expected of her while the dad has the child…like shut up!
Ur huaband needs to set clear, written boundaries with his ex. He has been more than accommodating enough with his ex. When it is ur time together, she does not respect any boundaries. But she’s going to have to learn those. I can understand, perhaps, one phone call during a 2/3 day weekend away from the mom. There is absolutely NO need for her to carry on like this, except her insecurities, which she needs to work on herself. I’ve been in a similar situation, roles reversed, where the my ex (the father) called 9 times EVERY day, texted, left nasty notes, tried to interfere in my relationships and my kids involvement with 2 of my new boyfriends (at different times), even though they were so good to our son. etc. It was a nightmare to say the least. If u all don’t try and set boundaries NOW, her immature and nasty behavior could rapidly escalate. You have every right to be around their child. She will have to accept that. Unless ur a druggy, alcoholic, abuser, etc., she has NO say as to whether or not u can be around their children. She sounds jealous, and she’s only hurting her kids. And be prepared, it may come to a point where ur husband may have to bring his ex to court to stop the harassment and to have the judge help set boundaries. She clearly needs them. Keep notes with dates, times, and what was said and outcome if possible. And side note…do u ever get to see her in person? If so, maybe try joking around with her. Compliment her outfit, her hair, or tell her how good her kids are and she’s doing a great job with them! Sometimes this may be difficult to do, but I feel it’s worth a try to get a good relationship going. Even if ur huband can’t, or has tried or has been trying, maybe u can try as well. It’s worth a shot. I wish u luck.
My personal opinion is that your husband is doing the right thing step mom. As the child gets older she will calm down. She worries.You married him knowing he had a child with an ex. As the child gets older and can take care of its self you will hear from her less and less.
I would really hope I would be mature enough to not handle a situation that way and be appreciative that my child has another woman to looking up to that cares for her. That said, maybe try having some rules put in place through the court but be kind about it. I truly can’t imagine not being with my children. I know I would be devastated. Maybe try to include her or do things as one big family at times?
Only have scheduled call times. Like before bed. That’s how you deal with this
Some of these comments 
First tell him to read his papers and make sure that all she’s doing is not in the papers because folks do have crazy demands.
To be honest she shouldn’t be doing what she’s doing and it sounds like she’s an unhappy/miserable/negative/bitter person who loves drama…
If its not in the papers then he’s not obligated to participate in phone check when she demands it so therefore he can ignore all of her mess and let the child do a GOODMORNING & GOODNIGHT phone call unless the child wants to talk to his mom during the day.
He needs to notify her or have his lawyer notify her that communication with the child will be 1x a day between such and such hours due to the constant interruptions during your parenting time. Then ignore all contact attempts until such time. You will probably have to go back to court to have the custody agreement reflect that. Keep it all documented because once the judge sees how much she calls and how she reacts when you don’t answer he will have no problem adjusting the order. As for you being around she can’t do anything of you are married.
Maybe momma has anxiety? It’s a crippling feeling when u have no control over something you’re anticipating…this is something she will need to work on
Just don’t answer…. Or answer right away. She will learn to get over it… or you’ll drive her mad instead of yourselves lol
Although, I know it’s a little more than an irritation that she keeps emailing your husband and interrupting your time with his child… it’s his child! You technically are an outsider. I know that sounds harsh, but it’s true. All the rules, visitation guidelines, and custody issues are gonna be decided by your hubby and his ex and you don’t have any input except for on your husband’s side. When anything was decided or anything in the future is decided about this child’s future, it’ll be based on
your husband and his ex’s decision. That said, yes you do get some input, but that’s only with your husband and if you don’t like something that’s going on…then you get to bring it to your husband only. So when HE gets tired of the interruptions, he’ll either won’t respond or he’ll tell her to stop. I think that it’s probably a matter of him keeping the “flack down”. Hopefully as the child gets older and more independent the BM will ease up. Sadly it’s like that sometimes for stepmoms…
That all depends on the back story… did she put her egg in your nest or did you just rob her’s ? In other words the fact that there is a child involved says that she seen herself with him for along time. Now what happened in the middle is what matters . Was what they had OVER before you involved yourself or did he cheat on you to make that child . There are a lot of factors to be able to give the right advice. So I’m say if they was broke up less than a year when y’all got together she probably still hurting and hasn’t had time to heal. not to mention if she’s with the child for 80% of the time she’s probably going through separation anxiety… it’s a real thing… and very scary. But on the other hand … if there was a lengthy time frame when you guys got together she probably just a crazy stalking control freak and in that case I would make a record of all text and email and take her to court.
I had this problem with my bf stupid baby mama and still do…she doing it on purpose and she not over him and think there is still hope…your bf needs to set boungries or not anwser his phone he don’t always have to answer his phone if y’all are busy then y’all are busy she needs to get that through her head
Is this something that should be on facebook
Sounds like she wants an argument but the best thing to do is be short and sweet. Sometimes u gotta kill um with kindness. Shell get over it eventually
So I am a mom with a son in a custody thing right now with my ex… his 20 yr old gf keeps purposely trying to piss me off and cause an issue. HE was complaining that I was stopping my son from talking to him. So I went and bought my son his own phone to talk to us both. Now he will occasionally text our son during the week with me but he throws a fit if I even send my son a goodnight text when he with them. I realize mine is totally different from your situation but I thought maybe I could share my side as an opposite to see both sides. I’d like to say I wish he had a new gf/ wife that was as accomadating and nice sounding as you. Also maybe try taking certain pictures just for moms benefit, legally she has no right to bother y’all when the child is with you. Your husband DOES NOT have to facetime or jump through any of those hoops. I wouldn’t cut all communication when the child is with you but he doesn’t have to so anything besides pick up and drop off on time. I’d tell him to ignore the bulk of it and eventually she will cut back
She is bitter and going to be hard to deal with is how this sounds to me . Co parenting is important . So his should continue trying to be civil .
Tell the bitch to stay in her lane. His time is his time and schedule a time once a day to talk to the kid.
Is there a court order in place? If not I would get one, I have my children 90% of the time and when they do go with their dad i miss them terribly but I only call 1 evening because in court we set out boundaries to ensure the children were still able to live their lives and enjoy their time with the parent they were with, mom sounds like she either has terrible anxiety or control issues. You guys would not be in the wrong to ignore all communication until the evening after your dinner is done this will give mom the ability to hear from the child about the fun day they had as well as say goodnight to mom, during these calls both of you should not be involved in the call just let it be child and mom
Is there a way you can bring her to court and show evidence she is disturbing the child’s father’s right to be with her? Maybe it’s time to fight for custody?
This truly depends on custody. If the father is awarded some amount of custody, then he is not obligated to entertain all of this. He only needs to communicate about the real stuff- illness, injury, school, pick up, drop off, concerns etc.
If the father does not have custody, and the mom is just allowing the father to see the kid, then he should either- get to court and get his custody, or do his best to play moms game.
Either way, the only thing that will stop her behavior is boredom. Do.Not.Get.Sucked.In!
Do not give any crumbs, extra info, details etc. Otherwise this will continue.
Put everything in email so there is no misinterpretation. It was a while before my son started that and it has got my better. Also agree a time for facetime ie at bedtime and don’t answer the phone out of agreed times, that should go in the same email. Good luck !
phones have an off button job done
He’s entertaining the ex way too much. Your husband needs to put his foot down with the child’s mother. Clearly, no REAL boundaries have been set with her, so she’s doing whatever is allowed, which seems to be whatever she wants to do. Stop picking up the phone or answering messages during your time with the child. She has motives for what she’s doing and it seems like it’s working. She’s causing irritation to be there on purpose. And I think her motive is drive a divide between the father and yourself. HE needs to say something and then if she continues, stop responding to her messages/calls during your time with the child.
So you broke up her family and now cannot cope with the consequences. Sorry but I have no sympathy!!
Have him send her an email with a set contact schedule that way there is proof. Set a time in the morning that the child will call, and set a time in the evening when the child will call. My ex husband would try to call my kids at 9/930 pm and never during normal times. I had it put in our divorce papers the times he could call. He never did, but that’s neither here nor there in the email express that while the child is with your husband that activities are happening and the child may not always be reachable for random calls. So first thing in the morning, and before bed should suffice. If she keeps on acting crazy contact your lawyer and go back to court. The judge will agree that when the child is with the father, the mom needs to let the child and father have their own time without her constantly blowing up his phone and emails.
When you have the child set face time up in the evening before bed around 8-9 stay out of the face time let it be the child and mom only. Any other shit given ignore it she is being overly obsessive and needs to back off
Would your tone be different if it was the other way around?
This could be something as simple as the BM is a controlling pain in the ass and wants to know every move and your husband will have to be firm in making it stop. Or it could be more as there is something going on at her home that she doesn’t want you to know so she wants to keep constant contact to control the child. I would recommend you and your husband having a conversation first to decide the best route to take then he needs to have a conversation with her about the issue.
Do the same back to her when child is back home, tell your husband to constantly ring her checking up on his child. She may then see how excessive it is
Sit down with your husband and talk about setting some boundaries with BM that you will strictly enforce. For example, you will FaceTime to say goodnight and send some pictures of fun activities. You will communicate only about the child and any communication outside of that will be ignored or terminated immediately.
What is she like when the kids are at school? Is it helicopter mum or jealousy?
why don’t the three of you go to counseling? Separately. The Mother goes, expresses her side to the family counselor & then the Dad goes & possibly you go later? I am not in your situation & don’t want to judge, but because you don’t know her side & her history with the man in this situation, you may not fully understand as she could be holding on to past trauma/pain with him or whatever from her past. A family therapist could help shed light to her in a way neither of you could & help everyone heal & come to place of open communication. Also there’s a lot of ways to make it affordable. Suggest your husband get on board if he’s not already & suggest it to her not from you, but from him just to get their parenting relationship healthier. Best of luck
Change your phone number or just dont simply reply , to her ignore her and m sure wheb the child is at her home she doesnt facetime the father daily basis