Oh girl you are in for some long years!!! I have been a step mom for 9 years and have been in my step daughter’s life for 11. She is turning 14. Boundaries boundaries boundaries! Communication only needs to be made if it directly affects the child. The child is obviously is a safe environment with you guys. I have a feeling she is doing this just to interrupt your time. I would have dad set up a time with bio mom that the child can call. Like before bedtime or in the mornings. Other than that. Ignore! Starting this now will save you a world of stress. You sound like an amazing step mom. Keep it up!
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My advice is to send HER this post! You bring up valued points without speaking I’ll of her. Maybe she could see it as positive and the “new” will soon fade. Remember SHE does not know YOU, and is fearful of being replaced by you. Peace to you all.
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If my husband and I split up, and he took my kids to the beach, I would want to check in every ten minutes and I would be a nervous wreck. My husband is way more lax about things than I am when it comes to safety. Maybe that’s an issue with her. And you may never know it, because your husband may not want to admit it or may not even notice that he does it. I know my husband doesn’t intentionally let our babies do things that could hurt them, but he is just not as protective as I am but if you ask him he is. Do you have kids of your own? I’d be calling and checking in on my kids if ANYONE took them to the beach. Even my mom who I know watches them like a hawk.
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He needs to stop answering the dang phone and the ridiculous long emails. Only respond or communicate with her about pick up and drop off times, or if it’s about something urgent regarding the child. That’s it. Easy peasy.
If she still doesn’t stop, take her to court and have them mandate Our Family Wizard for communication.
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My daughters father and I have set calling times. He calls every night around 7 to talk to my daughter. Now this is on our own doing not thru the courts but the courts can do the same thing. He also isnt obligated to answer the calls or emails if you’re in the middle. Put your phones to do not disturb from her number and just enjoy and call later. Maybe she’s lonely since she has the kids majority of the time and just doesn’t know what to do with herself or she worries about them excessively because of distance (being a mom that hates being away from her kids myself I can see/understand if this is the case).
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It’s all about boundaries. My parents split when I was young. My dad had us on the weekends, my mom NEVER called constantly or interrupted. The mom has an ulterior motive.
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Have the child call once or twice a day like some others have said. That’s plenty. Ignore the rest and enjoy your time with the child. You do not have to give in and answer her constant calls texts and emails
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He doesn’t have to answer. He can turn the phone off when you are out doing something fun and then check in when you are done.
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Set a time to call every evening the child is with you. If the child doesn’t want to talk to mom, have them tell mom. Do not answer any other times but call if the child wants to speak to/see mom. Otherwise, her behavior will be frowned upon by a judge (I was that mom to my now 15 year old with his drug addicted dad - he lost custody himself, whole different scenario). 
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We had the same issue! Your husband has to set boundaries and remain consistent, that includes not always answering her especially when it’s not about the child. I would go through the court to establish an appropriate time for calling for both sides and go by that. It will be the easiest for you as a family.
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She might just be worried. Even if there’s no active reason to be. That’s her child. I think taking lots of pictures of her child enjoying himself might help. Send them to her throughout the day. Describe some of the stuff that’s happening instead of just letting her know that you’ll be busy during this or this time. Ask her what SHE needs from you guys in regards to making sure her child is okay. Just make sure nobody is overstepping.
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Set a time at night before bed when she can FaceTime and ask about his day and say goodnight.
Mom has to get over her own jealousy and insecurities here. As long as you and dad are responsible parents, keeping him safe, happy and healthy, these are her issues, not yours.
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Dad needs to talk with her and set up a specific time each day that she can talk to the child. He also needs to just ignore her calls and texts at other times. It certainly is hard being a stepmom at times–I am a stepmom to 4 boys, all now grown and they lived with us growing up for many of their growing up years. I also had to send my two biological children to visit their Dad on his days–so I understand that aspect of it as well. Certainly not easy and I really didn’t have your problems in my case–of course that was also a time before cellphones and such were around like they are now. I am guessing the child’s mother will not be happy one bit with the boundaries but it is important to set them and stick to them.
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Tell hubby to turn off phone
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She must be sad and lonely. Be as kind and patient as you can which you already seem to be doing.
Maybe your other half needs to set stronger boundaries.
Good luck 
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Don’t kiss ass but also be respectful. Find a balance. She needs to get it together 
Tell him to contact his attorney. My sons attorney said each spouse has the right to call once a day and speak to the child when they’re with the other. Her behavior is considered harassment.
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Set a time, don’t pick up or answer texts/emails when it’s not time and if she doesn’t call when she’s supposed to, she can try again at set time the next day.
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You guys doesn’t deserve to be in anxiety mode while trying to be a family! Doesn’t seem you are trying to replace her at all & you love your stepdaughter & have her best interests at heart. Definitely set up a time daily once no more than twice a day for mom to talk to her daughter. Dad needs to ignore emails followed up by any FaceTime or calls. Definitely talk to the lawyer Present emails test & screen shots of FaceTime calls with timing & document what y’all were doing at that time. & tell lawyer you guys aren’t trying & never ever want to keep them from talking but mom needs to be sent papers stating a set up time as so many calls & off topic emails keeps family time on dads end stressful for all of you. Emails/test should only pertain to child & FaceTime needs to be limited & mom can’t just be interrupting all during visits. Hopefully mom will come around!! I would have been excited for my ex to have found someone to consider our daughters feelings & safety, but all they ever have done was drive a big wedge between dad/daughter time. Only planned fun stuff when my daughter wasn’t there & stayed drunk while she was at his house. Also I was on bed rest end of pregnancy & he & 1 of his gf’s wanted to take her to the beach. I agreed as my daughter was 14 then & she had her phone to call me & I have an aunt less than 30 minutes away just in case. Well I had to drive 2 1/2 hours alone in the middle of the night because things got so bad on the gf’s end her daughters & my daughter locked themselves in a bathroom. I brought home a child I had never met only with the permission of her dad & grandmother under circumstances. They were terrified. I had police near as I picked up my daughter. They were so laid out/ passed out drunk it was unreal!! I knocked patiently & civil for a good bit of time then had to bang as they were so passed out. He finally got up & was shocked. I had the child’s father on the phone (he had full custody & mom only had visitation as dad saw fit) to let my ex know I had permission to bring the child back home. My daughter & her dad have a very unhealthy relationship now! I admire you for keeping peace & not showing out! & always keep in mind never go off on dad as he can’t help what mom does. Honestly I don’t see you doing that. You see where the stress is coming from. I admire you for not just losing it as you seem to really love your stepdaughter & you want a good healthy family for her!! Temporarily maybe he can ignore calls until y’all are done with activities but definitely prove yourselves by making a call to mom every evening at the same time. If she doesn’t answer. Give her a bit to respond. If it is inconvenient when she finally returns the call politely ignore & wait to a right before bedtime to return from your stepdaughter. I would have given so much to have a tad of respect. Good Luck to you & your new family journey! You are definitely doing it right. Hope the suggestions help you guys enjoy with less stress & so much more happiness than you think it could ever be!!
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Boundaries need to be set. Mother is not entitled to constant FaceTime. Even through court most of the time it’s a small time in the evening. She wants him to constantly be thinking about her and feel like she has a say in his time there and you’re giving it to her. She doesn’t need daily updates. In fact, if it gets worse the courts will see it as interruption of his court ordered time and will look poorly on her.
You and hubby need to set a scheduled time to once a day and that’s it. Any emails that do not pertain to actual care you need to ignore or politely dismiss ( you and hubby get to decide day to day care while he’s there not her)
She doesn’t need to feel she’s entitled to time when he’s with you. Being kind and loving towards mom is not the same as allowing her to run your house.
Set boundaries. Hubby can send a polite email saying unless it’s urgent, one phone call will be made during the day or weekend at 730 (or whatever time) to talk or say goodnight. It will be up to child to talk. I would add that anyone may come and go in the room or that he can walk around if he wants. Also add the emails are interrupting family time and unless it’s urgent, responses will wait until he goes back home. Set boundaries on what will be discussed between households, such as Dr visits, sickness, school, etc. Keeping everything through email is best for documentation
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She’s just being unreasonably controlling. Create your boundaries, and enforce them, but compromise. Maybe set times for the face-times so that they can be scheduled around. So she can have one a day at the same time or two, morning and night but can’t just interrupt whatever you’re doing. If you don’t have a court ordered arrangement for visits, make sure you get one. This person will continue to walk all over you guys as often as they are able.
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Let your husband handle it or the results will be your fault,Note he can text her and “lose” his phone or just turn it off
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As a divorced Mom whose ex husband has remarried (divorced 3 yrs), our now 11 yr old son has his own cell phone (I know this isn’t ideal for a 5 yr old), and has had it since our divorce. My ex calls him daily or texts him daily when I have him, and while it’s sometimes not the most convenient times for me (if we are in the middle of something fun), I don’t say a word because at least he is involved, unlike some parents. I don’t tend to call him as much during his time with his Dad because I have him 80% of the time too. I’ll text him daily, sometimes getting a reply and sometimes not - but he knows I’m thinking of him and that I love him … he can see it when he finally reads the texts. If he goes too long in between my texts without answering me, I’ll call him just to hear his voice, but I try not to interrupt his time with his Dad. That being said, the petty stuff would be tiring, but some people refuse to heal and move on.
As a Mama who cannot always be with her child (custody schedule), there is no better feeling than having another (bonus) mom who will see to it that my child is loved and taken care of when I can’t be with him. My boy and his step mom are sometimes like oil and water, but I know he’s safe when he’s with them.
She needs to get over her bitterness, and move on. The only person this behavior is hurting is her child.
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Stop answering her texts or phone calls. Turn off your phone and have fun with the child. Her mom will get over it!
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Don’t answer the phone all the time when she calls. It’s not your guys place to make sure she gets what she wants.
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Have set times around the fun y’all are planning let her know ahead of time and then just ignore her turn your phone off if the child wants to talk to mom then it would be fine to call if child don’t want to talk let them tell the mom document it tho so of she tried to go to court over it you have everything and as for you not being in the picture when she calls get your husband to explain you live in that house so that’s something she will have to get over and save and print all emails and text a judge wouldn’t look to kindly at what she’s doing
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He needs to set STRONG boundaries and contact his attorney. Make sure the attorney highlights in the agreement that during his time with the child she is allowed one phone call a day at a set time and not to contact by any way before or after set time. She needs boundaries set.
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Set boundaries. What she’s doing now is harassment. Allow one phone call a day and set a time. If she reaches out aside from that time, don’t reply.
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Sounds like yous are doing great…n he is handling her…lol…maybe he just needs to be a lil more stern…an say no on the face timing when on outings…especially if she’s complaining about you being I the picture…simply move the daily face time to in the evenings when the day in unwinding…to me she’s over stepping her bounds n you need to make them clear cause she’s gonna keep pushing them from the sounds of it…set them early
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Your husband needs to put his foot down, or needs to take her to court for 50percent of share visits . Unless there’s an emergency there’s no reason to be calling or texting, she baby mama needs to learn to be civil and not jealous when the child is with dad and you. If your husband doesn’t put her in her place you will have marriage problems eventually. I strongly believe people with kids shouldn’t remarry unless both parties are civil decent adults!
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Give mom a boundary. She can face time once a day at a given time. No more than that.
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Don’t answer 
unless there’s an emergency there really isn’t much that’s needs to be discussed daily. If he’s not doing it to her on her time then she shouldn’t be doing it to him.
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that’s your side of the story, then there’s his, be interesting to hear her side also… their may be a reason that she is like that with you both? I dont know I just feel like there is more to this story then the obvious… my advice would be to try and be more understanding of the whole situation, put yourself in her shoes
…
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I set aside time each day for my twins to call their dad. Completely interrupted time for them to Skype or call their dad from their rooms. Its been this way since we divorced when they were 2. All other time during the day is my time. I don’t answer emails from him until they are on the phone. When the kids are with him I don’t get the same exact respect but I do hear from my kids and that’s what matters.
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The best thing to do is set boundaries if she calls don’t answer. He can simply send a text saying the child is fine snap a picture of the child playing and smiling without anybody else in the photo and say I’ll check in with you later on when we’re done playing and leave it at that. You’re giving her enough to reassure her that her child is fine being well taken care of being watched. Perhaps the mother has this overwhelming anxiety that some moms have when they spend a larger portion of their time with their child than the other parent doesn’t for whatever reason and that’s understandable but she’s also got to learn to allow him to have his time with his children, I would tell her look before bedtime we will sit the kids down or child down and you can FaceTime them and talk to them about how their day went.
Being a single mom having spent a lot more one-on-one personal time with my son more than his father when he was little and just starting to spend time with his dad I was in a similar situation, I would text and call to make sure that he was taking care of him in the ways that I knew he needed to be taken care of for his age in fear that his father didn’t know because his father hadn’t invested that time that’s just part of being a really good mom you want your child to be taken care of the correct way. As he got older I don’t stress as much, I will still send a text and ask how he’s doing or what he’s doing and his dad usually tells me oh he’s playing or we’re at the mall ect.
It got easier for me …but perhaps it’s just anxiety. But in not laying boundaries she’s essentially not allowing him to be the parent he needs to be during his time with his child. So it’s okay to be accommodating to a point. But if she’s constantly texting one after the other or constantly calling one after the other he’s going to have to lay some boundaries and kind of set times and just randomly send photos if you guys are out doing something send a picture say hey just checking in they’re doing fine blah blah blah talk to you later and leave it at that. Like I said it’s enough to eat her anxiety but not to the point where it’s interrupting his time with his kid or children
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Set boundaries. Call when waking up, before bed. Answer if its an emergency, if not. Don’t answer. When your doing something and are busy, say were busy and he will call after were done. Its your time with him, not hers to still be intruding. Shes just trying to be extra controlling. If it continues. Have him go back to court to have stipulations set. She is interrupting his parenting time for no reason. It will look bad on her part. And communication in some places can be set up by the court through a certain app or communication where it can be monitored and recorded by the court system.
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Stop communicating while she’s with you except on your terms. Leave phones off while having outings, set a time for a daily call. So many ways to take charge.
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He needs to handle it. Its called boundaries. My fiances psycho baby mama did it too and we would stick to a text mid-day letting her know how they are an a call before bedtime. Everything else was ignored during our time.
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Start “going to the movies” or to a loud event or show where phones are useless or should be off anyway. Maybe get the child a phone for her to call or text when with you. Personally I would keep it at your place but sending it with if she is not too immature would also allow dad to call or text. I get that the age is young but I feel like they made a phone just for this. Maybe also just tell her beforehand that you guys are off to have family time and the phones will be on silent or off and that you will reach back out when you finish so she can talk to her baby about what a great time he had. He looks angry because she keeps interrupting him. Poor kid.
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There is no reason for the bm to be reaching out when he has them. I have delt with the same stuff at this pointe its just her trying to be a pain and wedge you guys apart. Ive been dealing with this bm for 8 years and she still hssnt changes.
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When my older kids used to be with their dad, I did not text or call unless I was responding to him. I did not encroach on his time. She is out of line.
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I know people who have to deal with this. I have come to the conclusion, unless it’s an emergency or some kind of problem, when your child comes to visit you it is your time…not the other parent. Then there is my devious mind that says…OK…start calling and wanting face time when the other parent has them and maybe they will get the message. Of course, this may not be tje ideal solution:rofl:
. But just maybe:rofl:. Good luck…and don’t answer the phone all the time when she calls.
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Can I just tell you how amazing you are for being so caring. My ex-husband’s new wife is just like you and it really makes things easy. I am willing to meet her and communicate with her we call and text each other. I send her pictures of my daughter when we are doing fun things but they no longer bother us. It did take about five years to get to this point… sometimes healing has to happen first but I just wanted you to know that you are an amazing woman for caring so much and wanting to be kind and healthy while doing it!!
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So based on what I read it sounds like she has some anxiety about being separated from her kid but I also agree it’s a little too much as well but anxiety shows different in everyone if at all possible maybe set up a schedule for call times that way she can expect calls at those time to help ease her anxiety but also let her know that boundaries need to be made because it is your and your husbands times if she needs a reassurance text take a pic and text hey we are doing this or what ever that way she knows what he’s doing but not being a helicopter mom and her mind can be put at ease and hopefully the calls and stuff will come to slow down
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I say bow out and live a drama free life.
I didnt read of all of that but i coparent with my sons dad, i can be alot sometimes when i miss him since he isnt away alot and i dont mean harm by it, i just miss my son. I call and text but also let them get back to me when they can. I dont say he looks miserble or things like that but ask how its going, how he is and how they are feeling! its hard being without my baby. He is 1 and a half tho. 
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Sounds like your trying your best, If i was him I’d shut my phone off
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I would shut the phone off, or ignore her. We deal with this with the hubby ex. Our kids are older too!! 11,13,15. She still wants multiple times a day communication! When they are with her we respect the time and space. She will never change. Just shut off the phone or ignore.
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RE: “Any advice aside from what my hubby is already doing?”
You say nothing about what your husband is doing. You say nothing about the reason for his divorce (were you the reason?). Whatever the reason, the child is the victim.
We are in the same situation except we have the child primarily and mom gets every other weekend and a 4 hour visit on Tuesdays and 2 hours on Thursdays. It’s hard because she used to have him all the time and wouldn’t give us any time which we don’t want to do. Co parenting with toxic exs sucks but in the end its a child who belongs to two parents that LOVE THEIR CHILD. what are you gonna do about people like that are gonna be people like that
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You nailed it when you said (She’s still not over him). This is her way of staying relevant and has way more to do with HER, than the child. Just keep being an understanding step mom. Stand your ground when needed and let some of the small things go. Love the child and your husband, maybe one day, she’ll finally move on. 
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I’m a step mum to 3 kids as well and have been for 5 years now. It’s a hard gig but you sound like you are doing a great job. BM sounds controlling. Boundaries have definitely been crossed.
I think BM needs a message from your husband saying he’s more than happy for her to ring every night at 6pm( or whatever time works best for you guys) to speak to the little one and reassure her that if the child requests to speak to her at anytime through the day dad will facilitate it. If she continues to call an un necessary amount of times through the day get hubby to mute her calls until specified time. It’s not healthy for her to need to know the ins and outs of dads small amount of contact. I’d love to say it gets easier but my experience says otherwise my step kids aren’t even allowed to say my name at home with mum, she hates that we have such a good bond and I think your little ones BM is interfering because she doesn’t want to “share” Hang in there the little one is probably feeling suffocated by BM. 
I do think hubby is being overly accommodating here and needs to find his voice.
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I have a 6 yo bonus child but have been with her dad since she was about 8 months old. His ex was not thrilled about me at all (for no reason other than she thought I was trying to replace her) but I think after about 2 years she finally realized I wasn’t going anywhere and she stopped with her petty comments. Now we are able to call and text each other when needed without huge issues 99% of the time to keep each other updated. I would say sit down with her- you your husband and her. Iron out what is okay and what is not and find some common ground. We did this and things have been so much easier since.
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Well if it’s your husband I would first stop calling your stepdaughter “the kid” and “the child”. And also if I was you I would reach out to the ex just explain to her what’s going on n that it’s uncomfortable and if your husband needs to go and get their visitation modified to where she can’t email him, or he can change his email address or just completely ignore it and continue on with your life and be the bigger person.
I am in a mixed family as well. If the mother cannot respect your feelings then have your husband block the number and emails or just have him turn off his phone or have it on airplane mode. If there is a court agreement bring it up to the quarts that she keeps harassing when yous are trying to be a family. With my son, his biological father and I agree to not have any texts or calls with each other unless its an emergency.in the beginning he used to be up my butt but eventually he finally stopped after my husband talked to him. Now with my stepsons mother, she used to do the same to my husband until after the many fights I had with her and with my husband telling her to stop or their will be consequences. Then things got better and she started to respect us. And now she has been wonderful and a good person. We even help each other out. And are able to talk about things even if its not about the child. Try having a heart to heart talk to your husband’s ex. If she still continues to do what she is doing then take it to court. And also your husband should tell her to stop or he can easily turn off his phone and such.
She needs to respect his time. I would just not answer and when she emails/texts do not reply or accompany her misery. Keep all these texts/emails and a journal of dates and times. You can take this to court and have it put in the custody arrangements she is not to text/call excessively.
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Boundaries! Tell her the child will call at specific times during the morning and evening…and set time limits
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BM is definitely not over him. She is being beyond a helicopter mom… You are doing great an amazing job
Your hubby needs to set boundaries. She doesnt need to always be calling all the shots. Of course the kid is going to talk about you whether you are in the facetime or not because you are part of that kids life. Kids talk about anything and everything that is happening in their lives while its in their face or not its natural. Maybe set up a morning and evening call and see if that calms her down. You are much more understanding then I would be. I totally get that parents miss their kids when not with them. But she is going to end up destroying the time and the kids not gonna be happy. The child was having a great time at the beach and didnt want to be on the phone.
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I don’t know if you have a court order or not but you don’t have to let the child talk to the mom, during your husbands time with him. I can’t stand moms that are like this. She shouldn’t be harassing y’all when it’s your husbands time with him, I would document and take her to court to have boundaries set.
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Maybe try co parenting? 
My boyfriend and I always include my daughter’s father to any event. It’s important for us adults as well as for the child. If there’s nothing between them anymore it shouldn’t be a problem
Wow she needs to chill out.
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You can give her certain times of day she is allowed to call or text and ask her to comply with that if she doesn’t then you can have it reinforced by the judge either way she will be upset
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Shut the phone off? Don’t read the emails?
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Ignore her! Unless there is a reason that is stated in the custody agreement, tell her to go to hell. I understand being worried about a child, maybe calling to say good night but that is excessive. It is interfering with custodial time and responding and giving here the freedom to do it, just to keep the peace has probably made things worse on her end.
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Tell the mother. Dont call, text, or email me. If something is going on, he will call her and let her know.
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Is there a custody agreement? If so, these calls don’t have to be answered. I think set times to call would be good and if she can’t be respectful then just don’t answer.
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Man I feel so bad for you and I hope this gets better over time. I couldn’t imagine dealing with a woman who acts like that. At first the mother of mine & my fiance daughter was like this. Would tell me not to post pictures of me and her daughter. And saying all types of things about me about being around her daughter. But she didnt have a problem with me doing these things when she was living with us and we were all together but after awhile she got over it and now we all get along great. We all have her birthday partys together and hang out with each others family. Im sooooo thankful that we all get along with each other as well as we do.
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Oh man I forgot my phone at home set that phone down stop answering her . Simple
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Being an accommodating step-mom is hard work. Have set times for phone calls & FaceTime & don’t entertain calls & messages outside of those times. Your bonus child doesn’t care about all the adult drama, they just want to enjoy the limited time they have with their Dad & step-mom and make good memories.
The bio-mom needs to recognise her needy behaviour 
I like how you’ve tried your best not to say anything negative about her… You’re an angel, keep that up because you will never have to regret a harshly spoken word 
You sound like a lovely step-mom ~ best wishes 
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I fine to be “nice” but your time is your time. She needs to deal with it
I think you are doing what us best. Sometimes just staying civil is all you can do. Give her 6 months and see if it gets better.
Bc she is jealous and obviously realizes that she messed up and I would also say he likes the attention he is receiving as well.
Have your husband let her know that he will set aside time each day he has the kids for them to call her. I suggest once late morning and once in the evening before bed. Set times, and stick to them. And during those times, give the kids space to talk (alone) to their mom without you or dad in the room. Don’t answer or respond to her texts during any other time unless it’s a true emergency and have him let her know that.
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Have him tell her a specific time and ignore her any other time. She has no right to harass him during HIS parenting time
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I would just tell her that y’all are going to start staying off of your phones while you are out spending time with the kiddo. But she is welcome to call and talk to him in the evening time if she would like to. And if she still tries to call or text At other times just ignore her
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Explain if she looks miserble its because she dont want to be on the phone with her. Shes having to much fun and cut all the emails out and only text of its serious. Its not serious to explain what u are doing for the day with the child or what shes eatong or what stores your going to or anythobg for thay matter. People will only do what u allow. Its harder now becaaue yall have accommodated this behavior for so long. Gotta draw the line somewhere anx ots not for u to do its for hubby to do and until he stops responding she wont stop the end
I would say maybe make a play date with the mom involved to get her comfortable with the idea of what the kid does when spending time with you and your husband. As a single mom myself, my ex is married but when we split up 6 years ago it was a hard adjustment for me to leave my child alone with his dad and this stranger who he called wife. We planned 2-3 play dates where I was involved with their time so I could get comfortable with his wife and see how my child interacted with her. Once my mind was settled I was ok with the adjustment. Now, I love his wife and I love the way she loves my son. I call or msg when there is changes in pick up times or whatever but I don’t hover and constantly msg my ex. This woman cares for my child like he was her own and I am so grateful for that and the fact we all get along so well. Plus she has her own child from a previous relationship and our kids are best friends. I hope you find something that works for your situation.
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I like the way you approach the situation…
You are calm and think level headed.
My suggestion would be to sms her after a call, that cannot be answered straight away, “Can we please call you back when we are at home? If it is very urgent, sms me the urgent reason and we will give it the needed attention”
Don’t entertain her or fight her. You will only fuel fire.
In regards with your husband’s long emails from her, let him respond, but only to firmly tell her that things are over between them and he is happy now in a new relationship. Be firm. Not mean.
She is using emails to get rid of excessive pain and dealing with emotions. He can also ask her to rather write letters. That will prevent her from embarrassing herself time after time.
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It’s very very hard
Until you have your own baby and have to send them off for the day with the dad and new stepmom
So many emotions are tangled up
The mum just needs reassurance
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Your husband needs to put a stop to it. Immediately.
No matter what the situation was of their divorce, try to remember its hard for a parent to have another parental figure in their child’s life. And its extremely hard to watch your child develop a good, healthy relationship with that person. It feels like youre being replaced. Bio mom’s family is broken & now she probably feels like she may lose the bond of parent & child with the kid. For now, be understanding. Let bio mom see/hear you talk to the kid about their mom as if youre still trying to keep her connected to him/her. She may feel like shes being pushed out of the child’s life. Encourage the communication & get excited with the child to have him/ her speak to their mom. Once youve given her a good opportunity to see you arent trying to replace her as the child’s mother, then the dad can start setting some firm boundaries of communication with the child while he/she is with you.
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All u can do is support ur husband and this will fade away as the child grows older all u can do is show this child Unconditional love and u too will see the change in ur situation be strong and u create this bond with out the drama the mother is very inscure and living in regret so she have to deal with it not u .
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She needs reassurance màybe that her ( thier child ) is ok and safe … Reassure her… make her feel like the child is safe and she will soon relax and take her foot off the pedal…good luck…!!!
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The thing is, she’s not concerned for her child, she’s causing drama to stay relevant to your husband, and lesser so to her son.
And your husband Is the one that will have to set some clear boundaries. He can tell her he’ll send a daily report, occasionally with a picture or whatever, and he will not be communicating with her otherwise unless it’s an emergency. He can silence text threads from her, and calls from her. He would need to save all the nastiness and/or ridiculous response and efforts from her, in case it goes to court some day… But I digress, the solve on this is up to dad.
So far y’all are keeping her peace, it’s ok to keep your own.
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Your husband needs to let her know that he will not be answering texts/emails while he is spending time with his child. And he will also not be making you go to another area of the home if the child FaceTime’s his mom.
This is your home and whether she likes it or not, you are part of that child’s life.
You and your husband can pick a time that works for your family to FaceTime her once a day. Does she reciprocate though…is your husband able to talk to the child once a day while he/she is with the mom?
I would also keep all of the texts/emails she has sent and document everything that happens in a phone call.
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I think you have a very healthy outlook on the situation you’re in… This is really up to your husband to talk to her about it. He should tell her specific times during the visit that he’ll have the child face time or call and just stick to that no matter how much she tries in between. She’ll have to get over it and allowing her to behave like this is not going to help the situation.
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Sounds like you got together before his marriage was over.
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I wouldn’t be the one to talk to her at all, it’s your husband responsibility, to tell her when you n him and the child are out it’s your time. I know being a step parent is hard work. I think she maybe insecure thinking her child will love you better than her. It’s natural for a mom to feel that way but she has to stop texting n emailing every time it is definitely going to be a bumpy ride for you if it’s not straighten out
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Tell your husband how you feel and maybe suggest he set some boundaries with the BM but he has to be the one to do it
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Tell her to grow up get her own life and move on she sound like nothing but a jealous B to me if they have custody agreement I would contact my lawyer about it or set up a time I’m the day that she could face time her
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As a bio mom but also as a step mom…I’d like to say this…the child deserves the time with his other family and bio mother Is trying to keep her as forefront in the child’s mind. I think this one lil request of you not being in the FaceTime call would be respectful of her call with him as she doesn’t want the call to seem staged, wants her child to express his true feelings and this may also assist in that if there is an “attention “ reason then you and the husband aren’t part of it . I do think the husband should set boundaries in it though, like kid sending a photo of activity not her being part of every activity. Because it sounds like she desires to be part of everything the kid experiences and that’s not fair to the kid, he deserves his own experience with dad. Take out she’s doing it for this and that and instead set boundaries but with respectful intent. She may just worry a lot. May your future activities be more peaceful 
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First, stop called her BM. It’s disrespectful about the woman that takes care of her child “80%” of the time. 5 is still young and maybe she’s worried about how the 5 year old is interpreting everything going on. It will get better, just relax.
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Set boundaries now. She may call every night at 8pm. That should be closer to bed time. No matter what the family might be doing(kids typically stay up a bit later in the summer) she talks to him at that time. You and hubby can decide if it’s face time or just a call. Hubby has got to set a healthy boundary now so everyone is on the same page. Good luck.
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Become her cheerleader. The relationship has followed the normal pattern of divorce and custody. If she is feeding the child, clothing him and not messed up on drugs, then she is a decent parent. One of you has to learn how to change the patterns of behavior here. I can count on 1 hand the sets of parents that I have met who can set aside the past and be supportive of their ex as a parent. it take people who are willing to stop and rethink, who are able to reimagine and build relationships that provide a secure environment for the child to grow up in. These kids thrive. You want something different than you have now? Take a step back and see what you can do to get that mother to thrive and feel confident that you are willing to back her up. If you can’t find any information on good co parenting, then become the information on co parenting. Let her know that this is what you want. It Amy completely solve the problems.
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I have been on both sides of this situation. It is hard to establish boundaries but with good communication and patience you can do this. You are in my thoughts and prayers. My kids are now all adults and they all manage to have great relationships with all of this.
The baby mama needs to grow up! What she is doing is immature, petty and destructive. She needs stern boundaries set for her. How does she have such a dull life that she is spending so much time doing this foolishness when she has the child to herself most of the time? I would not tolerate this at all! You are too nice!
That is not acceptable coming from a stepparent and a parent who’s kids now have a stepmom. I firmly believe she is doing this just to cause drama and you should not have to live this way. Ultimately though your husband has to be the main person in this situation however you do have a say as well. I would attempt to talk with her and come to a civil solution but if that doesn’t work, I would see what type of legal action you could do to curb this. She has a right to check on their child but this his your husband’s child as well and he has a right to visit with the child without constantly answering to her. That is taking time away from the time he should be spending with the child.
I would hire a family attorney and take this to mediation and or courts. It isn’t fair to disrupt the limited time the father and son have together. I can understand the Bio Mother’s anxiety not having eyes on her child. That’s something she needs to work on for herself. The constant need for contact isn’t healthy for anyone in this situation. Family court…it will be well worth the time and expenses.
Maybe have a Lil talk and explain your not trying to replace her. That she is clearly his mom. If you have to lie tell her he talks about her all the time with you and his dad.
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