If you all have communicated with her at least once a day, I probably would just block her and enjoy the time with the child. Clearly she is not ready for a healthy relationship. Pray and continue to be a good step mother. God bless you
She is not thinking best for the child just thinking of her self. What are her other kids doing while she is trying to control yal. I have been here and it is hard to let go of your and know another woman is taking care of them. But I never intruded cause that is not healthy for the child. Good luck hopefully with time she will stop.
He needs to keep a record of all the texts and calls. Don’t delete them. Then he needs to tell her not to continue interrupting your families time and that he is keeping a record and will speak with attorney if need be. The words record and attorney might do the trick.
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She is the child’s mother and has a right to know where and what her child is doing, especially when the child is so young and there are so many predators out there. Perhaps you should try have a child of your own first and you may understand that type of love.
If it doesn’t ‘suit’ you, then don’t offer to have your stepchild around and try have your own children instead.
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He’s doing a great job, me as a mom who’s son has a step mom wishes he would bring her up in such a good way! To know they have such a good relationship should be comforting to her, she obviously is not over her feelings for him or her jealousy.
Check what the court order says. I would think you are only required to have the child communicate with her mom once a day. I would ignore all calls and emails until the evening right before putting her to bed when she can FaceTime her mother. You need to set boundaries and stick to them. Don’t let her take advantage and allow her to call/FaceTime whenever she wants.
Don’t answer the phone, text or emails. It’s your time with the child. If you don’t react to the moms craziness she will eventually stop trying to control your house. Been there and it does work. It’s completely about her trying to control your situation. Stop it now while the child is young. She deserves time with her dad.
He needs to set boundaries. Tough conversation, however; it sounds like it’s needed. Perhaps the compromise is to FaceTime right before bed, or right after breakfast. No need for the in between contact. Hopefully in time, there will be no need to that contact unless the child were to want to.
It’s up to your husband he needs to tell her she can text or face time at a certain time and stop answering all her texts every time she see he does it so she continues it won’t end till she finds someone else
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Set up a nightly phone call at a specific time. Let her know the time, let her know that your phones will be off during events. Also, do not reply to any emails during your time with the children.
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Im in no way trying to be rude ! Maybe the dad had very little time for the child because he was cought up in his on life ? Maybe she’s worried about the child while when he has them ? Who really knows
This is a small boy, being pulled every which way. He’s not just a kid. He is worthy of a name and to be call son. Mom will back off slowly as she sees things going good. As long as she is not turning the boy against dad ot s.m.
I think YOU need to perhaps have a heart to heart talk with her. Sounds to me, that she may be feeling insecure. Maybe she is worried that her son will forget about her, that he may like you more, or that he is having so much fun, that he won’t want to come home. I would start the conversation by complimenting her on what a great mom she is, to raise such a wonderful little boy. Try to make her understand, that is not your intention to replace her at all, but that you love him, and want to make sure that he is comfortable, and well cared for during his stays. Ask her for some advice or input, (even if you don’t need it), because this will show her that you respect her role as his mother. I think the better she feels about you, and your intentions, the better the situation will become. The trust obviously isn’t there yet.
Friends of ours had a set time everyday that the parent who was not with the child called to talk with the child. It was either parent. No matter what our friend was doing they stopped and called. The children knew what time they would talk to mom or dad and looked forward to it.
Unless the communications are listed in custody agreement then technically it is your family time and you guys do not have to do communications unless father agrees but its should be addressed by the father of the boundaries. Set a specific time and when and how you guys will accommodate her communications and set the pace. If she calls outside of the time that you guys set then make her aware that you guys will not be available unless its an emergency. Yes its hard for the bio to go without but that time is also set up so that he is able to bond with the child. Its not about her its about the child. He needs to set the boundaries and follow through. Eventually it will become the norm but if he continues to give in it will just get worse and it is gonna get worse before better but once she realize that this will be the way it is the better. My ex and my husbands ex after 5 years it has become the norm after many fights and arguments.
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When is your husband’s time to spend it with his child. Is his own decision how how wants to deal with his kid. All he owes to his ex is to let her know, that the child is doing well, n let her speak to the kid. Every now n then. So she can calm the hell down. N that’s it. Until the child goes back to her.
I wouldn’t let her know your agenda for one. She doesn’t need to know where your at 24/7. So she can’t be constantly interrupting events. And second set up a time of day in the evenings for her to have a FaceTime with just the child so she can’t put a wedge between you. It sounds strange but you two need to become communicable for the family sake. And it will also help her to be more comfortable with her child being there also.
Let’s just say I know this all too well. I’m sorry your going through this. It’s been almost 10 years for us and it either will get better if the bm will grow up or it’s from jealousy cause she doesn’t want to see the child happy with you. That doesn’t get any easier no matter what you do. My first ex me and his wife are great now it’s been 20 years. But this one I still have 3 more years to deal with this. She really shouldn’t be harassing y’all unless it’s a medical emergency or telling the child good night. Talk to your lawyer that’s the best way. When my step daughter was younger she would even send the cops to do a well check. It was crazy. She is still a nightmare but now she lives with us and can tell her mom if she wants to talk to her or not
This may not be the best suggestion, but my daughter had her own phone, so she could speak to him, and I when either weren’t together. Set boundaries, and or get a mediator or even the courts involved. There seems to be a disconnect, on the mothers part. Having your child with a “new” woman, seems to trigger jealousy. Once you begin learning that you’re not in competition with another woman, for your child’s love, it gets easier to let them enjoy the time with the other parent and or their s/o. As long as the child is safe and happy, there should never be that many calls or emails. Just my opinion. Good luck!
I don’t normally comment but I would like to take my hat off to you! What a breath of fresh air to see your trying to keep the situation amibacle. I’ve been there so just keep doing what you’re doing but I would say keep all correspondence safe because it could get ugly if bm gets more unpredictable. You will then have proof your doing nothing wrong. Well done stay strong its difficult if she isn’t over the breakup. She’s just lashing out hopefully she’ll see the error of her ways very soon xx
It won’t ever be good enough. Trust me. I dealt with people being told I didn’t feed them and they were starving when they got home. I cooked, she opened cans pretty much. Don’t throw in the towel, though. Love that child no matter and be polite to the mom. 20 years later, she was thanking me for my influence and love to her now adult children. Hang tough.
You and your husband need to set boundaries together so that she understands when they are available to talk and then stick to those unless the kids ask for more. Otherwise this will continue indefinitely, and ends up being detrimental to the kids in the long run.
Showing good communication between the parents is good but this is too much. We had a clause put in the custody paperwork that the ex can communicate but not during certain times because it interrupted the time between father & child.
Have discussion with husband and be sure you are on same page about dealing with her. Then you can explain to her together that you are a team and you’re not going anywhere and set boundaries. You all love the kid refuse to make a tug toy out of him. BM needs to find something to do when kid is with you thst she enjoys. Good luck
Dad should tell her she can call in the evening to talk to her son and let her know when you are doing things during the day you will not be answering the phone or texts. She has the child 80 percent of the time. So when he is with you that is dads time.
Being a new step mom aswell i have gone threw this she is most likely doing it because she feels a bit threatened that her child likes you and you are with her ex so there will always be some sort of issue with everything that involves you hopefully this changes for you and she realizes that you are there to only make them happy goodluck not much he can do but ignore
It may be inconvenient to you but to her it’s unbearable to watch her child have family time with another woman. Why don’t you try to communicate with her? Have a conversation with her and assure her that you will never try to fill her shoes? That you want to play a loving part of her child’s life, but you will never try to replace her. You may find this helps to ease her mind. My kids have a step mum who after 6 months of dating their dad went and had my kids names tattooed on her! That made me so mad! They are my children, not hers! And even after 14 years it still makes me mad that she did that! I’ve accepted her now but that was a line she crossed. Just put yourself in her shoes, they are her children and she feels threatened by you in their life.
Husband needs to put his foot down and tell her to stop, if their is a court order dealing with visitation then legally she is over stepping, she can call and talk to the child, but what she is doing is definitely more then a phone call to talk to the child. Husband needs to tall to her about how he only gets so much time with his child and she is cutting into his visitation time. If he doesn’t put his foot down she will just keep doing what she is doing now and come time when he gets the child longer and decides to go on vacation she will probably be horrible and really bug you guys. He can let her know she can call their child at such and such time to talk even facetime then, but when your out and about, meal time doing things as a family she has to learn to be respectful of your time together and leave you guys alone during that time. If she gets to bad he will have to talk to a judge and she doesn’t want that to happen.
This seems to be more about creating chaos than a genuine need to connect with her son. I could be wrong but I don’t really think she has an interest in finding a better way for all of you. If I were in your situation I would go to a parenting time mediator, or get your lawyers involved and at least start a trail of harassment. If she won’t agree to a mediator, I would go to court to have clear check in times and boundaries set up that can be tracked when not followed.
Set boundaries! She and the child can FaceTime every day, at whatever time you set (after dinner at 7p.m., Etc.). Other calls - don’t answer! She’ll see her kid. But this is YOUR time, not hers. Emails - only respond to those about the child…. All of the other stuff - don’t answer! She’s just looking to stir the pot and cause a fight. There’s a reason she’s the ex!
When you have child, maybe he can shut his phone off for a few hours or tell her he will not respond to messages until after a certain time. To be fair, he needs uninterrupted time to bond with you and his dad.
This is the story of my life. Overtime you see it for the silliness it is. Meanwhile, obtaining enough patience is vital and necessary. Continue to stay positive and don’t ever say one negative thing about the BM.
I’ve been in your circumstance and it wasn’t easy. My husband’s ex would phone for ridiculous reasons such as she needed her son’s pant size with her only intent to disrupt my husband’s time with his son. She was angry, resentful and jealous that he had moved on and she used her son to “get even”. Her words by the way. Anyway, after a couple of years tip toeing around her, my husband had enough. He said she could phone once a day to talk to her son only. After that, he wouldn’t answer her calls. He would only speak to her if there was an emergency with their son, about his schooling or medical reasons or arranging pick and drop off times for events. On the most part this worked. She enjoyed creating drama and she ruined any relationship she had with her son. Now, at age 21, he refuses to speak to her. As a step mom, the best you can do is to let your husband deal with it. Be your step son’s friend, teacher, confidante and you will have a good relationship in the long run. Don’t get yourself tangled up in the ex’s drama. You don’t have to be her friend. Just respect that she is your step son’s mom and let her “mother” him. But don’t let her ruin your peace. It’s up to your husband to set the boundaries. Good luck.
So couple of things people
- as a mom myself she may feel as if she is being replaced. My daughters father is getting married doesn’t have a relationship with my daughter but insisted on telling our child she was getting another mom without telling me first… and without having a healthy relationship with his daughter. So ultimately I felt I was being replaced as her mom.
2nd) step mom needs to know her boundaries when it comes to the child. Does mom interfere with dads phone calls, facetime etc when the child is with mom if no then the same respect needs to be shown to the mom. I don’t think mom is trying to be controlling. This stepmom also stated stuff happen in the mom and dads relationship. Could be abuse could be many things. Maybe mom is just worried what happen with their relationship will happen to her child…
It is awesome how you and your husband are considering the child’s feelings first ! Time will hopefully help when the mom realizes that her child is your priority she need not worry !
You need to set boundaries and stockto them. Unless and until you do she will overstep because you are giving her permission too.
I see this a few ways. You say your a new step mom. This is her child. Try to have them set a set time or let her know when will be busy but if she insists on a video she has a right. If the child doesnt want to talk they need to verbally say it.
A bear is a bear and the ex is a bear. We put up with that crap for twelve years. The ex even called the police saying her child was taken from school even though she knew he was on vacation. One time he called his mom to say he was having his best day ever and his mom told him he couldn’t bc she wasn’t with him. I’m sorry to be a Debbie Downer but that’s the truth. You can grin and bear it or let her ruin your joy. My advice is crap but it was our reality.
Ignore the emails and texts. Let it go and at the end of the day send her an accounting of the days events. Let her know her child is well and enjoying her time with dad. She is ruining that visit with her excessivenes and shouldn’t be tolerated. This is not good coparenting.
Boundaries.
I know others have said it but this is key. Talk to your husband and see what he’s comfortable with then have him communicate that to the mother and stick to it. If she refuses it’s time to get your lawyer to send hers a letter.
This sort of behavior is a way for her to remain attached to her ex, and enmeshed with her son. Daddy needs to tell Mommy that the only contact kiddo and mom will have during his visits are those that kiddo requests.
No boundaries when it comes to a mom and her child. Either deal with it or don’t. I don’t think it’s to much for her to talk to her 5 year old on the daily. I honestly feel u just don’t like ur husband talking to her and u r jealous that he does. Remember ur the step mom not his real mom. And it’s kinda shitty of u to expect her to not want to talk to her kid every day. Support ur husband.
While keeping the peace between parties is a good idea in theory, keeping the peace in your own home is paramount. I am a stepmom to a child whose mother was overbearing and overstepping during our time. We set boundaries within the court paperwork that stated that phone call time from mom was to be during the hours of 5-8pm only and limited to one 15 minute call per day unless the child wanted to stay on the phone longer (which never happened). Also, the child has access to his mom whenever he wanted so he could call her anytime. It just prevented the mom from overstepping boundaries and injecting herself into every moment of our lives.
dad needs to Set some boundaries, like times when the child can expect calls from mom and stick to it. Stepmom stay out of it and let them coparent but support your husband. If you can all do what’s best for the child, that’s what is important.
Why is your husband responding to her texts and emails anyway. By answering her and allowing face time she is getting exactly what she wants. Your husband needs to let her know that his time with his son is for him and she needs to know this. Let her face time her son at night before bed so she knows everything is fine and she gets to say goodnight. Your husband is allowing her to get away with this behaviour so he needs to put a stop to it.
Have your husband tell her certain times throughout the day that she can talk to the child.
Thank you for posting. In my personal experience, it is the BM attempting to flex control over the situation. Every time that the husband gives in (even in an intent to ‘keep the peace’), BM wins. This is an excellent time to have a discussion about boundaries. A side effect of your husband giving in to BM is that it teaches the son what type of behavior is acceptable. You stated that BM is not over your husband, then he needs to make it clear that he is over her, and she needs to get with the program. Once boundaries are set in place, further conversation can be explored about other inclusions activities.
So what are the fathers contact arrangements when the child is with the mother? Maybe the bio mom and dad need to have a heart to heart regarding their childs well being in general? Addressing all of her/his concerns and maybe compromising on things when needed or deemed to be in everyones best interest.
If agreements cannot be reached then maybe a moderator might help with a compromise and agreement.
I do applaud the bonus mom for her concerns and agree that she also needs to be involved in the childs life and discussions concerning him but only between her and her husband at this point in time. Maybe over time that will change but as of right now shes the enemy and bio mom wont reason with her.
My bonus daughter has our grandson call … hes 4 almost 5… on a sunday… if he speaks for 1 min or 10 we dont complain because we get his young age and realize that even 1 min is a long time for him… bonus daughter as an adult decided not to have contact with her mom… I support her decision but never influanced it in any way shape or form. To all involved in this childs life take what you can get and make the best of it… allow him to recieve the love from everyone, mom, dad, bonus mom, grandparents etc so he can be a happy and well rounded kid 
you need to set up communication times and they need to be set in stone…that way you and your husband can plan around these times and if she calls at a non sanctioned time just dont answer…she will learn you are serious and will still have ample communication with the child daily…you may not understand why she has issue with you being around when she communicates with her child but here it is she is jealous of you and wants her child to hate you…you cant change her petty mind set but you can regulate her wrecking your time with the child. leave his phone turned off until its a couple minutes until communication time…you still have yours for emergencies. That beach trip would have been nicer if…you had set a time to talk to her kid and scheduled around it…no it shoudnt be this hard but again she resents your existence and is determined to run you off so she can have her happy home back…yes delusional i know but that is what you are dealing with.
get the child to buy mom some flowers and make mum a card . so mom knows she is still thinking about her.
I would set up some specific times where she and the child can FaceTime and unless it’s emergency I wouldn’t take the emails or the text in between because that’s just rude
I would say to answer the important stuff and ignore the rest. Let her know he will call her at then end of the day to tell her good night and about his day bit that is all.
Yeah I’d say mind your own business and keep out of it altogether cos it’s got absolutely nothing to do with you. It’s between your husband and his ex.
It’s called boundaries and your husband has to set them or it is going to go from bad to worse. It is extremely unhealthy for his daughter to feel like she is a ragdoll in the middle. There may need to be some co parenting sessions with a professional.
Is this a new behavior since Covid? Might she be in fear-mode due to that? If not, let her know the time she can talk to the child. Maybe while you are making dinner or after bathtime. The more indulgent you are, the more she will keep interrupting your family activities with her child. You are very thoughtful. She and the child are fortunate to have you.
Honestly as a mom that has to send her child to the fathers I always check up on him like all the time just because the child is with me all the time then he goes to his dads it worries me
It’s just what a mother does…. That’s probably not what you wanted to hear but oh well
Me and my sons father let each other talk to our child whenever we want we don’t set boundaries because we think our child should talk to the father and mother whenever
Some people say it’s not required to let her or him talk to the child when the child is at either house but actually in fact it depends what your court papers say like ours say the other parent must let the other parent talk to the child and not keep them from taking when away on visits to either home…
Plus how would you feel if your baby had to go spend time with their father who has another women in his life not as easy as you think since a your just now a new step mom….
Also if your husband is worried about it let him talk to her but you don’t go butting in and don’t go say something cause that will really cause shit since it’s not your child… trust me on that … All of this depends on their court papers and what they say cause all states are different so if the father is really worried about it and it’s not just you have him re look them over and if there is none well nothing much you can do you’ll have to go to court
Maybe Dad should start doing the same when his child is with his mother.
Ignore her emails and texts.
Take her to court.
Texts and emails can be but off for a more convenient time. If the well fare of the child is the true goal here this mess would not be happening. She is an ex for a reason.
Set a ground rule to not contact the other parent when the child is with them unless it is important or the child asks to talk to them
Her insecurities do not justify harrasement. Voice your side, hear hear but your husband need to lay down the final decision that protects you. You are his wife.
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Youre husband needs proper legal advice if he has custody. She is just trying to control and manipulate. Save all the emails and texts and go to a lawer asap xxx
My husband’s ex wife is still not over him and it’s been 17 years. Constant harassment and using the children over the years, which escalated after my husband and I had children. She lost placement when they were 13 and 15 due to her selfish life decisions and inability to co parent as well. The kids hated her at the time, but since living with us full time and having stability for the first time ever, they have since forgiven her and seem to have good relationships with her now. You gotta take one day at a time and learn to forgive. Most people don’t even realize their negative behavior when emotions are involved.
I think it is disrespectful! Manipulative and nosey.
A family can not have family time if the other is intrusive.
A child has two families and knows it. The unhealthy part is all these calls!
A court would not allow this.
Put the phone on silent. Take control. Don’t let her control you.
Tell her to get a life.
When she has the child, respect her and her time. The child will love this.
Grown ups are so childish.
Unless there are safety concerns lady let her go kick rocks! She’s mean!
Reply with least amount of words. Always be polite and kind. When face to face keep a smile on your face. It disarms them. Been there!
She can call, text, email or face time before bedtime. Done. Or let the child initiate when he/she wants to talk with mom.
It’s not easy but time and the age of the children will change everything. Hang on tight.
You could try asking for a specific time for her to call. If that fails, let voice-mail pick up. This is your time, not hers
Make a time before bed that she can talk with mom if your husband doesn’t put his foot down a little it will continue forever
Think if you’re trying to teach the child and the mother interrupts .
It will be bad for the child to learn.
How do you teach a child to swim if mom keeps interrupting.
I would take the understanding approach. A helicopter mom is better than a negligent one. Now having said that, I would get your husband to set boundaries on during the visits. E.g.: we are doing this so you will hear from us at this time. Then phone goes off. Then after the boundaries have been established send a few pics a little before the time. And if she still isn’t getting it, start giving her a taste of her own medicine. When she’s doing something with the kids, demand a face time. Usually a mom is just nervous and needs constant reassurance. She will get over that to a point. You need to start building a relationship between the two of you.
Its a long story but my husband went through the same thing. We had him for a week this one time and the problem had been going on for a good while. My husband was going to punish him.saying his ex must be eight he is just lazy about going to the bathroom. I said no take him to the docs . he said his ex did that. I said but you didn’t. So he did. Trying to keep it short. Doc said he had impacted poo. And the only thing that was keeping him alive was the fresh poo going around the hard poo. The smell oh. Take him to the doc.
Maybe document all the calls emails etc if excessive have proof if it escalates and it goes beyond. If child is happy it’s the mom & control issues.
Most custody agreements through the court state 2 phone calls during the whole visitation. Anything else doesn’t have to be answered and if it’s so excessive go to court for harassment and infringing on yalls visitation time. Sometimes you just have to put your foot down.
Hi I see my 7 year old daughter every couple months ( that’s the agreement ) (adoption) We either turn mobile data off ( can still call 911 if needed) or turn the dam thing off …it’s supposed to be about the child/ children …didn’t need phones 20 years ago to interact with children
Husband needs to grow a backbone and put an end to his Ex childish crap!!! If all else fails take the Ex to court for legal action!
I have had numerous parental alienation cases. This needs to be nipped in the bud now!
Schedule a face time or phone call with the child and the mom, daily. Perhaps just before bedtime so she can hear about the day, and say goodnight.
This sounds all to familiar, I have lived thru it, and it is anything but easy. Some people are just so insecure and so jealous they just want to try and make others miserable because they are just so unhappy with their own lives. But speaking from my experience all I can do is just tell you my story and hope that it will help you on someway. My stepson who is in his 20s now but up until just after his 18th his mother would just try to make my husband miserable and try to make me jealous or something but what she finally realized that I am not a jealous person anyway I have known my stepson since he was born, and him and I are really close like mother n son he even calls me mom his own doing when he was 3 he even told me recently that he wishes that I would have given birth to him instead of his real mom they dont have a very close relationship she actually would make him miserable growing up because she is just a miserable person, so my advice to you is just keep doing what you are doing build a strong close relationship with him and love him love your husband and as much as she will try to make things miserable just let it bounce off of you and as the child grows he will see what she is all about but be the best stepmom that you can be being a stepmom is a hard job because of the crap that we have to endure because of the ex but stay strong and stay happy, it will come around and bite her right in the ass.
I would shut the phone off when out having a good time she’s not going to change🙏🏽
Why do you refer to this child as the kid? This is your stepchild. When you married this man, the child was part of the package.Maybe the mother senses your hostility.
Girl stop making this about you… she has her child 90 percent of the time and 10 percent with dad of course she is going to check up on her child she is the child’s mother. NOT YOU… no matter how many years go by she will always be the mother and yes she will always make sure she is taken care of. You never know what traumatic situation she could have went through to be like this with her child… if it’s always about the child and their wellbeing what is the issue?
Stop being jealous again it isnt about you… its about he mother father coparenting for the sake of the child
We always called to say goodnight no matter who the kids were with.
Boundaries if he has specific custody it’s his time with child unless otherwise stated
Don’t play the game and don’t respond
It’s not hatred on us at all I love my kids but I enjoy my me time when I get it. Look into an order that specifies contact times with build when in your care. By the way good on you for being so awesome and understanding when it comes to how she is towards your husband keep up the good work
Take it to court and establish custody between both parents.
Stop answering her!
It’s Your husband’s place to handle her, not you!
Between my first marriage and my second, I dated a man with kids. She was vicious.
I never dated a man with kids anymore, mine and my husband’s kids are grown. Thank heavens!
When you don’t have the child have your husband text and email her and FaceTime like she does.
Set a time for her to communicate with the kids and keep it the same time daily. And dont answer the phone or check emails or msg till then. Have him talk and set a time and tell her that this is going to be
First when you have the child stop taking the calls when your out having fun .let the child face time his mom at bed time. Then he can tell her about his day.
Maybe you should tell her that she needs a time limit for the child’s sake.
I use to teach parenting classes. Many classes I would have a parent constantly blame the other patent of the child that they are no longer with on anything the child was doing wrong. I would have to politely remind them that the child didn’t pick the other parent, you did. The other parent and you obviously have different ideas on raising your child. Unless it is child neglect or abuse, you have no control over their parenting style when it is their time. To do what is actually in the best interest of the child, when the child is in your time, and an issue comes up about what the other patent said or did, you can say to the child- that is what mommy/daddy (which ever the other spouse may be) thinks would be best for you but I believe this would best best for you. And that should only be said for important things that you really disagree with so the child isn’t in constant term oil. Remember, you picked the other parent, not your child, but your child should have the right to love both parents equally. A healthy child needs that. I even had to tell a very good friend that one time. She didn’t like it when I told her that but then began to understand what I was saying. Unless the CHILD is struggling while being with dad, mom needs to but out and let dad have HIS parenting time without her butting in. After all, mom has the child 80%of the time already and I am thinking dad doesn’t interrupt her. Give dad his time. Good communication between separated or divorced parents is always good with boundaries. But trying to control or manipulate the other parents time is wrong.
I would say turn off the phones .and have fun with the kids and don’t give her the time of the day
Ground rules need to be set. She talks to the kid in the am and before bed…or something like that. I would be ignoring everything else.
There are phone apps to track discussions between parents. My DIL uses one that is approved by the court. It has helped a lot.
The Birth mother has the kid 8 out of 10 days. What is her problem that the dad gets the kid for two out of 10. She should be happy to have time for herself. Seems to me the BM needs mental help.
Time to go back to court to address her excessive demands for communication. Dads time should be just that - dads time
My advice is turn it over to God. He knows your heart with this child. Just keep praying for a peaceful relationship. Trust me it works.
Just do your best with the child she well get over it
Tell her the child will call her before he goes to bed so he can tell her about his day .