So I found out my husband’s family has been talking about me behind my back because when we get together, I do not make his plate at dinner time…His mom even apparently went as far a saying he should divorce me because I am not doing my “job as a wife”. I am typically getting my kiddos plates and feel as if he is grown and can make his own. I barely have time to eat myself at these get-togethers because of our twin toddlers. I literally have the house clean, laundry done, kids taken care of all week while he is at work but I am a “bad wife” because I don’t make his plate? Am I alone? I really feel like cutting them off at this point.
Being a wide doesn’t mean being a doormat. You’re not his mom, if she thinks it’s important his plate is made, she can do it
If she wants his plate made that bad, why doesn’t she do it? You’re not a bad wife. That’s her own insecurities being pushed off on you. The best thing you can do is cut them off. I rarely make my fiancé’s plate because I’m busy making the kids. Definitely do not feel that you need to do this to satisfy his mom, hun.
Girl, you are not his mom.
You are not his maid.
I’m a SAHM, and 98% of the time, I don’t make my husband’s dinner plate, sometimes I will if I am feeling up to it, or if he’s busy/tired and asks.
How does your S/O feel about it, is the real question?
I would tell your MIL, respectfully- to stay out of your marriage & that just because you don’t cater to your husband constantly, doesn’t mean you don’t love him.
What did your husband say? Does he support what his mom said or did he reassure you? Make sure he is not saying one thing to you and another to his mom. Trust me, if he is, run.
I’m more interested in knowing what he says when you’re not there… I think I would cut them off and if he doesn’t have your back when you’re not there, then I think you might have to rethink your whole relationship… whatever you do or do not do, it’s none of their business… we’re not perfect just because we’re “wives” and we are not servants either… he can make his plate and they can deal!
He is a grown adult and he can get his own damn plate!!! What are you teaching your children by him not getting his own plate?
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My husbands mom told him he should divorce me because I do not make his plate: Thoughts?
They are definitely garbage
F that! My MIL tells my husband to make MY plate when we go over for dinner. His whole family sounds toxic. Does he stand up to them?
Throw the whole family away
If this is a requirement in marriage, count me out Cold day in Hell.
That’s some 1950s crap. What’s he say?
Nope. Married 25 years he always made his own plate unless we were somewhere and he couldn’t make it or was going to be late.
He’s old enough to fix his own plate !! Period !!
Honestly cut them off bunch of freaks it’ll only get worse. Does he not stick up for you? If not he needs to go too
She’s a cuntasauras rex. Tell her to make his plate herself, then shove it up her arse! As a matter of fact, it wouldn’t hurt for him to make his AND your plate, while you fix the kids plates.
Maybe they should have focused on raising a son that they felt was capable of making his own plate I make my husbands plate after I make the kids plates and then after everyone else has their plates I make my own. But that is my choice and I don’t feel obligated to do it. You definitely shouldn’t have to do it in fear that you’ll be judged if you don’t.
So your hubby not only doesn’t defend you but repeats the hurtful things she says to you?? That is not acceptable. Sounds like a lot of your problem is with him.
It might be his sides family dynamic that the wife does it but he’s married and a new family . Your raising your kids and teaching them independence. Your husband is a grown man and can get his own plate . He’s not a child anymore .
Its 2021 she needs to get with the time. Her son is not a child, he’s a big boy and can & should get it himself. Cannot stand people like that
My husband usually makes my plate.
They sound like a toxic family.
My husband will make my plate if I’m taking care of the kids, if he’s taking care of the kids then I make his.
His legs aren’t broke. He’s fully capable of getting his own plate for a meal especially if you are wrestling kids.
Nope. If you have twins, he should make a plate for 1 child and his own. Not your job to do what used to be considered “woman’s work”
I wouldn’t put up with that. He’s a grown man. He can make his own plate. You’re not his servant. You are his wife.
I make his plate at home but out at family gatherings we make our own plate and he helps make the kids plates
No thanks. I mean I make his plate at home if he’s hungry, if not he can eat later.
I never make my husbands plate times have changed
Divorce is an extreme thing to say. I do think it has to do with how you are raised and your culture. Being hispanic we were differently brought up to to this.
Hell, why stop there? just chew it up and puke it down his throat like a mama bird, she’ll just find some other patriarchal relic to impose
What a bitch! If she’s so worried about it why don’t she make his plate. I can’t stand mother-in-law’s like that. Like I’m pretty sure the kids are more important than your grown ass son… Tell that bitch to kick rocks and mind her own damn business… Shit with twins he should be making your plate
He has two hands, he can make his own plate. I sometimes make plates but that’s not what makes me a wife or part of my duties
I’m raising a man, not a man baby if I can push a baby out of my snatch, he’s grown enough to pick up a goddamn plate and sort himself out. Does he want you to feed him too while you at it???
He should be helping you make the kids plates!
Its the 20th century…women don’t do that anymore. Time to cut off some toxic people snippipty snip snip mfs.
Let. Him. Divorce. You. He’d be doing you a favor
Just because he is your husband doesn’t mean you need to cater to him like he is one of your toddlers …. If his mama is that upset over it she should make his damn plate
He should speak up for you to his family that he is a grown man fully capable of getting his own food
The mother needs a psych exam.
I usually fix my bf plate unless we eat separately
Is he a child? Christ no id say divorce the mother in law
They must be Latino, I wouldn’t worry too much, it’s just their beliefs. You’re fine, it could also just be sarcastic joking, they probably don’t really expect him to divorce you.
Send him back to her and let her do it
That is so old fashoned i would have been divorced a long time ago
I guarantee you there’s been more ugly comments or situations that’s making this comment feel like the last straw. I wonder if it was said as a joke but this is not something to joke about. Follow your gut. I’m sorry this is bothering you and she doesn’t even realize it!
Sorry but I’m not his servant. You got hands make it ya damn self
I really hope he stuck up for you!
If your husband allows them to talk about you then I would consider divorcing him
Folks are dying but people be upset over stuff like this … at least y’all got food smh
I guess my question is what is his opinion? Regardless I would limit my time spent with them not cut it off completely unless they say more than that but I would not deal with them often
No way- this is 2021!! Not only is he an adult capable of plating his own food (you are NOT his servant) he should also be stepping up to assist with HIS children. Did you see this culture in his family before marriage?
Tell me his momma spoiled his ungrateful ass without telling me his momma spoiled him
thats insane!! At goes differently every time. Sometimes he makes me a plate, some times I make him a plate, some times he does the kids, some times I do the kids, some times we do our own. It Just depends on the day really. We are not maids! I can understand if he was sick or injured but otherwise she is crazy lol
Am I the only one who thinks it’s just dumb gossip? Y’all all know when families get together they are usually talking about SOMEONE. “Talking about you” for not fixing a plate sounds like y’all are from the South and they are just being petty. Petty families come a dime a dozen down here. I would honestly let it go in one ear and out the other. They don’t pay your bills. Pick your battles sis.
Is he Hispanic? Lol. Yea that’s an old school mentality an honestly depends on if the wife wants to cater to her man. My ex husband’s fam was the same way. I don’t an won’t ever do that chit again unless it’s because I feel like being nice.
“Oh hell no!” as Madea would say. What is he, 2 years old?
Your mother-in-law sounds toxic. My hubby and I do our own thing
Even in a Christian home its between spouses in whether this is a bothersome issue so ask him me and my husband take turns getting each other a plate but we have 6 children so
It’s not 1940 - tell June to sit down
His mother needs to step back and he needs step up. He needs to speak up and tell her to mind her own business. Yours and his marriage is not her business and she needs to be put in her place by you and him. That 1930s things died a long time ago.
I think it honestly just depends on how you and your husband do things… I make my kids plates, and his then mine always … however this is how I was raised as well as how I feel it should be done… just because you don’t though doesn’t make you a bad person, mom or wife and is definitely not a reason at all for divorce. Your husband needs to stand up to his family for you and tell them you all do things a bit differently then them and that it’s OK and he loves you so drop it or yall wont be around period.
And before he makes his own plate he should be helping with the kids!
Tell his mom if she’s so concerned, she can make him his plate for him. Since apparently he has broken hands I guess?
Oh Jesus does she except you to wipe his butt too?! He is big enough to make his own plate. Honestly I would not need that negativity in my or my kids life and I’d cut his family out.
He is a grown man like you said he can get his own plate. My mother in law gets mad at my hubby if he even tries to ask me to make him a plate …
At home when I cook dinner. Husband’s plate, then kids, then mine. Everyone is at table and hubs make everyone wait till I get there to eat. At gatherings. Kids make their own they are teens. I make hubs and mine. I don’t mind I actually enjoy him having some down time . He works from 230am till 9pm most days 6 days a week. So I don’t mind. He bust his butt just so we can have the lifestyle we do and he pays for me to go to school.
Why are you even giving this attention and thought? This is between you and your Husband and he can tell them to hush or y’all distance yourselves from them.
I’d make his plate and then throw it on her😂
Send him back! Married 21 years and only made his plate once Because we were at a wedding and there were tonnes of people and the line up was long and he watched the newborn baby
He can make his own damn plate I mean isn’t this 2021?!?!?
There isn’t much love In that relationship
What does he say about this gossip? Why isn’t he defending you?
I make my husbands plate but only after my kids. The kids should always come first. Seems like you have your hands full already with twins. He’s a grown man, he can take care of himself.
She should be telling him to make yours! Sounds like she raised a boy not a man
How does said husband feel? Does he back you up in these said conversations? Sounds like MIL needs ties cut-off. But if husband feels the same way as the mother, than maybe he needs to move back in with her, & you need to move on.
Cut them off, if they’re already talking like that - it’s probably been going on a lot longer than you know. They will not change how they treat you…
That is very generational thinking!! Some cultures are still into it. I been married 44 years raised 4 kids and have NEVER once fixed my husband plate. ( maybe if he was sick) He makes breakfast on weekends and feeds our grands. I’m sorry for you, if your husband has any balls he will tell his family to STOP if not get out now before your kids get filled with toxic waste. There are people who will appreciate you!
He is a big boy, he can make his own plate. We make the kids plates and then we make our own.
He is a grown ass man. You aren’t his momma. He can make his own damn plate OR take care of the kids plates while you make yours and his. His mom needs to keep her mouth out of it!
My comment: they can all screw themselves….
Tell his mom to cut the apron strings already. That’s so ridiculous! With all that you have on your plate, your husband or a family member should be making yours.
I make my kids and husband’s plates every day except at family gatherings. He tells me to not worry about it than because I put stuff on his plate he didn’t like. So at home I make his plate kids plates and his uncle lastly mine. Clean up too. Just load everything he hates on a plate when his mom gets crappy tell her you made his plate like he was a child he needs to eat it all or no dessert. I treated him like the kids one time. No one says anything. We also switch on toddler duty. I make my plate eat he watches our Toddler after he makes his plate and I finish I am back on toddler duty. Certain times I eat first sometimes he does
Honestly that’s super immature… if his arms aren’t broken and hasn’t brought this issue to your attention before then why gossip? Seems like maybe he’s using this because he’s truly unhappy ?
Wow wtf. Totally old fashioned MIL he’s lucky you even spend time with his family. Who in this day and age makes a plate for a grown man. My husband cooks dinner every night because we have an infant and I do most of the work with her.
Imagine being a mom and you fawn over your grown man child. Creepy and pathetic. Parents don’t do any favors to their grown kids treating them like this. I think it’s a generation thing. I would for sure never fix his plate at any family function and when she does I would blow her a kiss and take it for myself and eat it. Lol.
Screw your in-laws. What an antiquated piece of shit opinion currently doing the sahm bit and even before that I handled all dinners. I do make both our dinner plates but that’s mainly out of convenience for myself bc were tripping over each other in the kitchen but he always gets the table ready and grabs drinks so it’s a split responsibility. In a true partnership you help each other out. Hell last weekend we went to a spaghetti feed at his grandma’s and he made MY plate bc I was busy with our 9 week old:woman_shrugging:t2: as long as he’s letting it go in one ear and out the other and understands how ridiculous of an opinion that is you should be ok. I would tell him that it bugs the hell out of you and the tell them to put a cap on it. I mean ffs she seriously wants him to divorce you and ruin your stable family over a god damn dinner plate? What a snarktwat.
Ive always done it idk its how i was raised but bc you dont ddoes not give her any right to say that crap
Is your husband complaining ab this? If not, no stress. If he is, you might want to consider divorce. A real man, I think, should feed his children, his wife, then himself. If you birthed 2 of his babies at once, clean his home, do his laundry, raise his children, handle the finances, care for his needs, the kids needs, and have sex with him, I believe he has 2 perfectly good hands and 2 perfectly good legs. Now, if this was an agreed upon commitment, then that’s different. But if he never said “make me a plate every day” then no, you should not be doing that. Sounds like mama is jealous you took her baby boy away.
Wow!!! And this is why there is toxic masculinity because mothers insist upon babying their fully adult male children. Maybe you should divorce him and let him move home and be babied by his mother forever
Fuuuuuck her. What did he tell her when she said this? I hope he stuck up for you.
Your kids come first and yes he is a grown man not a baby and your in-law is just jealous of you the hell with her and he should be defending you and telling his mom he can do it himself and that your are an amazing mother and wife and you do everything else around the house. Your not his Maid!!
GTFOH. Tell the mother to make his plate. You do “other” things that she can’t do.
My husband wouldn’t stand for that in the first place. A married man’s loyalty is to his created family. I admit though I have a lovely mother in law and don’t have this issue.
Wow some times I do make my husband his plate some times he does mine one holds the baby and keeps an eye on our toddler while the other does the plates he also cooks for me some times not always but that’s what we do I’ve also noticed that some don’t like it but oh well it’s what works for us
Married 29 years this past March and have NEVER made my husbands plate, I do make the food that goes ON a plate!
Oof… while I understand some women do this as it is traditional and all that, if that is what he wants to divorce you over because his mommy said so, let him and take his ass for alimony and child support since I’m sure its partially his idea for you to be a housewife and not in the work force… so glad my husband isnt a child like this!
Ridiculous, let him get his own plate. Your not his slave. I would be getting my husband helping with the children too.
He can get his own DAMM plate
Is he 5? Are his arms broken? No? Then he’s a grown man capable of making his own plate I have 3 kids to worry about without having to babysit a whole husband too.