So my husband and I have been married for almost 3 years (August is our anniversary). We have a 7 year old, 2 year old and I am currently 23 weeks pregnant with our 3rd boy. My husband’s temper has been a bit much lately, but tonight hit a peak. Since the new year, we have been arguing over what seems like EVERYTHING and he has been really quick to snap on me and the kids. At one point he was drinking every night (which he knows bothers me because my mother is an alcoholic and my dad is an addict who I haven’t seen in 15 years). I am currently not working due to health problems in my current pregnancy, so he is the obvious bread winner, which makes me feel guilty as is. But lately he has been lying and being sneaky about dumb crap (like how much his check actually was and about smoking after he said he quit) and tonight he lost his temper with our 2 year old and slammed his arm down on the ground hard enough to leave his finger marks and bring my baby to tears/red in the face/screaming. Long story short, he left for the weekend to go stay with his sister and of course made sure that he took his beer with him. I am so upset and hurt and just so tired of the back and forth. I do love him, but I can’t have that type of behavior around our children. Has anyone gone through something similar or have any advice as to where to go from here? I am so heartbroken.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My husbands temper has been short lately
He’s most likely cheating and is acting this way out of guilt because he is angry with himself. And to do that to an innocent 2 year old is wrong on many levels. This will only get worse. I would divorce just at the 2 year old incident. No one’s putting their hands on my child aggressively ever.
Regardless of his issue… you need to remove yourself and your children from the home. Or make him go. This is only the beginning.
Abusive alcoholic who lies, never end
Leave . … bc it gets worse then he’s beating the fuck outta u and hitting the kids… Gtfo out now
I agree that you need to protect yourself and your kids. Have you tried talking to him about it? There could be an underlying issue like depression which is causing his drinking issues.
Maybe he’s over stressed. If everything is on his shoulders you should show some compassion. Im not saying what he did to your child was right but you’re not allowing him any stress relief and piling on more stress by shaming him for drinking. Youre just as in the wrong as he is.
If it were me, I wouldn’t let him near my children again until he gets some help. That’s abuse, it needs to stop now. If he is unwilling to get help for his drinking and anger issues then I, personally, would take my kids and leave him.
Generational trauma is rearing its ugly face and it’s up to you to stop that in its tracks
It’s not an easy job but your ancestors and next generations WILL THANK YOU
Well if meth isnt involved then you’re dealing with abusive psychology and either way you need to protect your kids and yourself - with distance
He left marks on your baby… that’s enough for me to pack my shit and go. Figure something out.
Girl start planning your escape NOW. If you have family pack up and go there when he is at work. If you don’t then start stashing little money now til you can work again. Even look into Domestic violence homes, they will help get you back on your feet.
You must protect your babies no matter the cost and do what’s best for you and your kids. There’s a reason why he’s acting out but unless he’s willing to open up about it then he’s gonna continue to spiral and you nor your babies need in the mix of that.
Are you sure he’s staying with the sister but sounds like he’s got more going on
He is cheating and using these “arguments” as a way to make you feel guilty instead of him, so then he will have a reason to leave “go to his sisters house” soche can cheat some more! Throw the whole man away…
Sounds like he’s acting out because he’s cheating and trying to push you away. But to go as far to put hands on a child nope, leave now before it gets worse.
Get out as quickly as possible
Girl that would be a deal breaker there. Never put your hands on me or our children (other than a spanking if necessary) like he could be cheating or stressed like others have said above but that would be it for me. Sorry doll
Honey, you can’t have him going off on the kids, especially when they’re so young. Tell him to tell you what’s going on with him. What’s got him so upset. If he snaps off on you, it’s time to call it quits for the sake and safety of the children. You can’t let them grow up thinking that is ok behavior when things don’t go their way. Kids learn by example. I know you don’t want to give up on your marriage. I hate to see families come apart. But I know that more damage can be done by staying together than by breaking up. I speak from experience.
In my experience, if you don’t keep the boundaries you set - then you will be backed into a corner until he’s walking all over you. Eventually, from tip toeing around… you will snap. and then he will snap. and then furniture or worse will snap.
Maybe consider al-anon. even if his drinking is situational and not addiction, you will benefit from it especially having been raised by addicts. (I’m a recovering addict married to a recovering addict)
Set a boundary and keep it. If he crosses a line you set, you need to be willing to LEAVE. You can love someone without allowing their behaviors in your life. Leaving doesn’t mean you don’t love him. It means you’re teaching your kids that you love and respect yourself.
He sounds like he may be going through something, especially if this is new behavior. (Not that I am excusing the behavior at all)
But maybe try to looked deeper and see what’s actually going on. It could also be that he’s cheating. Idk but something else is definitely goin on.
He needs help… he Needs to want it and acknowledge it though. Not necessarily an alcoholic… but he’s clearly struggling mentally and emotionally with stress and other stuff. Tell him to reach out for some help or move out because he’s becoming toxic. Also are you able to work from home part time to contribute at all to the financial side of life ? It’s not 1950 anymore… get your big girl pants on and support your family to. Putting that all on a person alone is enough to make them snap. You can make babies then you can help provide.
He hit the two year olds arm on the ground? He shouldn’t be losing his temper with any of you. He is an adult
Leave now !
Maybe he’s really stressed because he is the one bringing in the money, he has another kid coming. Financial stress is one of the worst things to go through, specially when it feels like its all on you. It feels like everyone is depending on you to make sure everything is paid on time, make sure you have groceries. Its probably taking a toll.
Seperate immediately. Don’t consider allowing your children or your self to be in his presence until he’s completed an anger management course, and enrolled in AA if he needs it.
Are there women’s shelters in your area ?
Please be careful of this guy.
Good luck friend.
I remember my mom in the same situation when I was little. It turned out her husband was cheating on her and had a kid just a couple months after separating. Not saying this is the same, but it is possible. I am so sorry you are having to deal with this bs. Prayers to you and the kiddos.
The minutes they out their hands on the children is the minute u walk away. No two ways about it lovely. Hope your all ok xx
He sounds like an abusive dickweed.
You are married to a tyrant/ a childish one. he will turn into a batterer of children and yourself if you stay
He has something going on and is super stressed. I don’t agree with hurting your child. At all. Nobody can tell you what to do in this situation. Chances are it is not a woman, but his plate is full & his stress is high. Try to talk and if that doesn’t work, handle business. Only you will know when you have had enough.
You need to leave that situation!!! For you and those babies!
Sounds like he’s stressed tf out. Doesn’t have shit to do with cheating. He needs a break. Get a babysitter for the weekend n go somewhere where you can just be together n not worried about life. Kids suck sometimes lol I know! I have an 11yr old daughter, 10 month old who eats n gets into everything and im 8 months pregnant. My husband drinks too n has taken breaks but he’s been short tempered as well! I’m a sahm too. Go out with your husband! Everything will be good if you take some time together n destress.
I know this is hard but leave if he loves you enough he will change if not don’t waste your hole life on him and subjecting your kids to that and they think it’s ok to treet people or be treated like that
Yeah no. Once he did that to my kid he would be gone. I’m sorry but I would not be on a Facebook group asking, I would be filing for divorce or something. With abuse, it gets easier each time. If he did it once, he will probably do it again and once should be good enough. I’m sorry you’re going through this but you and your kids deserve better. I hope you make the right choice!
Yes I went thru it I took my boys and left no man hurts my child I worked 2 jobs but we were happy hope things work out for y’all prayers for you
Do not let him near your children. Leave him now.
It could be money stress, or pressure at work you know these days everybody’s job is on the line. Take a break from him like go visit family. See how be behaves when you come back like if he missed you and the kids n fixed himself. Take it from there and talk to him as calm as you can without judging or screaming. Its hard and you didnt do anything wrong. Goodluck
I sincerely hope that that the one laugh react was on accident bc this is friggin serious. Darlin RUN it gets worse. I was you, PLEASE RUN!
I was your 2 year old in this sort of situation and I’m telling you - this is how abuse goes. It’s progressive and gets worse and worse over time. Protect your children. Advocate for them and dip. There’s always more money to be made. Don’t wait til he really hurts one of them or you. He has to learn this is not tolerable.
No man will ever touch my baby like that. No matter who they are. If they do, they are gone!
It sounds like he is under a lot of pressure…two young kids and a pregnant wife and the sole provider for the family. He may be stressed about finances and the new baby. This is no excuse, but a lot of men aren’t good at communicating how they are feeling so it stays bottled up until little things make them explode. He sounds overwhelmed and the drinking makes anger worse. He may think that it helps him relax from his stress but it absolutely causes anger problems. Give him his space and when he is calm, ask to talk to him and ask him about how he has been feeling and tell him how you feel about everything. Make sure not to come off accusatory and bitchy, he will go on the defense and you will get no where. Then make sure you let him know that you cannot tolerate that kind of behavior with you and the children. If he is not willing to work with you on this and the behavior doesn’t get better, you have to be prepared to leave for your family.
I don’t care his reasons I don’t care what mood he’s in, none of that matters if he’s hurting my child all hell will break loose and I’d be just the beginning of his problems.
I’m going through something similar with my husband he hasn’t hurt my son but he is an alcoholic and I do not trust him alone with my son. I’ve caught him passed out while he’s supposed to be watching the baby so I could cook dinner. Let’s him just cry. Doesn’t pay attention to him, etc… I’m getting to my witts end. Yesterday he told me I’m lazy and don’t do shit yet he was hungover and didn’t get his ass to work. Like wtf?!!
Call a local domestic violence shelter so they can do an assessment. Do not try to leave alone with out a safety plan and a support system. Please call them! Begging you!
RUN and don’t look back. Tell him he must seek help for his alcohol problem only then can he be part of you and your CHILDREN’S lives …
Talk to him. Set boundaries. Only you know your husband & what you’re comfortable with. Keep you & the kiddos safe
He needs to get help and keep kids away from him he might hurt them
He would definitely come home to an empty house If it was me. We have to stand up for ourselves. And our children. Even if it’s not forever. He needs to see that you’re serious about him getting help for his issues. Its not going to be easy. But staying and allowing your kids to be abused is not ok. EVER
Sorry but you need to run and run fast with those kids!!! It will only get worse. It’s bad enough if a man puts hands on a woman but to do that to his child? No you need to protect them and get away from him asap
You need to take your kids and leave. Never ok to put hands on a kid. If cps ever found out and you knew you could lose your children. My man has a short temper but never put his hands on me or any of the kids or grandkids
Seek professional help soon
If thats whats happening infront of you,whats happening when yoir not around.can you trust him not to snap on those babies if one gets out of line in his eyes
You should speak to a professional if you are able. Only you can make this decision. I’m so sorry you are going through this. Sending prayers and hugs to you and your family.
Run with them babies is all I have to say! I’ve been in a similar situation!!
I was about to relate because my bf seems to be a bit on edge and short tempered ever since the holidays HOWEVER, your husband doesn’t just have a short temper. He’s lying, he’s being sneaky, and he’s getting violent. That’s not acceptable.
Young one - like you said he is the bread winner- and another baby on the way - I’d say he’s probably stressed out. His anger sounds like frustration- if he has never acted like this. Hurting a child is never right in any given situation.Drinking well in moderation isn’t a problem but if he drinks everyday or drink until he’s drunk - we’ll that could be a big problem. Give him some space and when he gets back- plan an evening together- get something to eat - and go somewhere and talk. Communication is key, sweetie.
Take you babies and protect them. Go to a shelter or with family Sounds like he’s got a drinking problem that’s messing up your family, due to his bad choices.
There is no excuse for doing that to a young little one , no matter what mood your in. He’s supposed to be the adult and take care of him, yet he hurt him.
You need to leave , and think about what you want to put up with in a relationship, that situation could have ended up way worse , basically that is assault .
Don’t risk your young one and their safety🙁
You need to sit down with him when he’s sober and ask him what’s bothering him. If these are recent changes (since the new year) then something has triggered this behaviour and it needs to be discussed. Perhaps he doesn’t really know himself why he’s doing these things ? Any response you get from him though needs to be met with calm talking, no getting upset if he tells you it’s something he knows you’ll get mad at.
There are two things of mine you never mess with, my kids and my animals. Ever.
He’s not safe for the children or you to be around, you need to part ways for the sake of the children, sorry, stay safe!
Did he slam the baby’s arm down or his own arm down? I’m confused at that part
Run!!! Fast! It doesn’t stop!
The moment he put his hands on my kids, I’d leave. That’s completely unforgivable, and if you stay in that environment, if something worse happens down the road due to his “temper”, you’ll be just as guilty as he will be for keeping your kids in an abusive home. It doesn’t matter what excuse he has. You need to leave and he needs to seek counseling.
The moment my ex slapped my daughter not only did I unleash my rage on him but he was out the door so fast his head spun. No one touches my child and has the opportunity to do that again.
I don’t know how anyone is actually making the excuse that he is probably “stressed out” mentioning how money can be stressful- Yall. WTF NO. people are stressed out all the time; lots of people have money stress; THATS LIFE. that doesn’t make ABUSE ok. Which is what THIS IS.
Leave this POS. Get a plan together quickly and kick his ass out. He needs to get his shit together.
It will only get worse. If he can hurt the baby now, imagine what could happen with another child with the added stress. You all deserve better.
It takes a real coward to harm a 2 yr old and bad mouth his pregnant partner. He is an alcoholic. Accept that. Only he can get help for his addiction. Either leave, or make his move on permanently with his " sister". Get a restraining order for yourself and your children. If u don’t seek help, CPS will take the kids once the enabled abuse is discovered. Get child support .
Unless he realizes its him, not everybody else and does something about his temper, he will not change. I know from experience. My first husband had a temper and hit me. HE BLAMED ME FOR IT AND I BELIEVED HIM. Until he hurt my son. He spilled his milk at the table. My husband hit him so hard in the head and his head hit the table and he broke a tooth. That was it. I was able to move back with my Mom and I worked midnight shift so I could be with my kids during the day. It was hard but my kids were safe.
Counseling or stress outlets asap and him staying away until he deals with temper. Begin planning a life without him now, even if he agrees to change. If he does this again, you’ll at least be better prepared for kicking him out.
That man is STRESSED! He probably feels the weight of the world on his shoulders AND I’d go out on a limb and say that he’s probably worried about you and the baby since you stated you have health concerns. If something goes wrong with you or the baby, he is probably stressing about how he will be able to manage that as well and take care of the other 2 children.
Its super hard getting men to open up, especially when they are in a state where they are turning to alcohol. If you feel you and the kids are unsafe then you need to do whatever you need to do to keep you all safe. If its not that way, try asking him about his stress and see where that leads. He might feel that he doesn’t want to confide in you to stress you out being pregnant.
Tell him it stops. Asan adult he should be able to communicate to you wat is bothering him. If talking/ councelling wont fix his bad attitude, id leave.
You guys he didn’t hit the kid or I’m sure she wouldn’t think twice. He his the ground and left marks.
Ultimately sit down with him and explain to him how his behavior is making you and the kids feel and if hes not Willing to accept and make changes then you Can go from there. I am sure he is stressed with having to work and be the only one working right now and with another baby on the way maybe hes worried he can’t do it and hes having self doubt but the best thing you can do is sit down with him and talk with him with him if hes not willing to do with it then tell him that you’ll have to go because you don’t want to be in it unhealthy relationship
I would personally tell him until he gets help and stops drinking he can stay at his sisters house and he also needs to go to parenting classes drinking or not you never should lay your hands on your child or significant other or anyone else in that matter nor is it alright for him to treat like he does pregnant or not. I personally haven’t had the experience of a guy hurting my kids but being with someone who has an addiction I have it is hard on the other person but sometimes you just gotta put your foot down and give an option either quit drinking or whatever it may be and choose your family or choose the addiction. Then you will know if you need to end the realtionship or not also he could be cheating.
There’s something or some things really bothering him that he needs to find a way to discuss and let out. It’s good that he left to cool off because he’s getting out of hand. Is he willing to talk? Is he open to therapy? Does he have a mentor or another person he’ll listen to? It seems to be escalating but not past the point of being totally out of control. See if he’ll work with you to fix it before taking drastic measures.
From what I can tell (especially considering the timeline), he may be going through a lot of stress and perhaps depression. Try sitting him down or even try to go out on a couple’s outing, so y’all two can have a heart to heart talk. Communication needs to happen - and seeking medical help from a professional counselor/therapist wouldn’t hurt either.
mine was envolved with another women
The moment he abused your child is the moment you NO longer question what to do! It’s the moment you pack yours and yours children’s stuff and leave! Call CPS and report the abuse! File for emergency custody! Protect your children at ALL costs!
Somethings obviously stressing him out. Try asking him about his recent behavior and what’s causing it. Until then he should stay away from the house until he finds a solution to his issue and learns to manager his temper. Start planning to live on your own. Better safe than sorry. Good luck
Next time he will hurt you or the kids.A grown ass man needs to control his temper or get out.
He sounds stressed and like he’s on the road to being an alcoholic. He needs professional help.
Walk out…he straightens out his issues or leave. Family or his drinking and anger issues
Your children’s safety comes first!!! He either gets help or gets out!!!
You know what, ain’t nobody a perfect parent. Parenting doesn’t come with a manual and sometimes, even as adults, parents can and eventually at one time or another, lose their temper. I know for a fact that every parent has done something that they wished they hadn’t. I am so fed up with those that think that a parent should be Godly perfect. Obviously, this is the first time she has been worried about his temper around the children or else she would have expressed otherwise that it has happened before. If he didn’t feel like sh*t, I don’t believe he would have “ran” to his sisters house. It is sickening to see so many women in this comment section telling her to leave and that she/they deserve better when they are not seeing the bigger picture - this man, this husband needs help! In a short amount of time, he went from two kids and now expecting a third, his wife has health problems due to the pregnancy which keeps her from working, which on top of (hopefully) worry for her? He’s forced to be the main dependent for everything. That is a lot to take in an short amount of
time, and yet, people expect him not to break or lose it in any way shape or form? The man is only human and obviously needs help as well as support! Not to be dogged and to be talked down to like he doesn’t have feelings or a conscious.
Child abuse. No question I would I kick him out. F that. Not around my kids. Wouldn’t question what needed to be done. He sounds like a triggering drunk.
First and foremost your the PROTECTOR for your babies. No one and I mean NO ONE should be EVER leaving marks on your babies. Sounds to me he has checked out. I personally would tell him stay gone for awhile until he can get right. No hands will be put on my babies and drinking will NOT be tolerated in this house hold. You don’t want to lose your children to CPS for no man, not even the father! I would think of it this way, what would you have done if he broke your little ones arm?! PROTECT YOUR BABY! No man or relationship is more important than your children.
Oh wow. You should have called the police. That’s abuse. Your husband is having an issue. Act now before anyone gets hurt.
Leave …Because if the school finds this out cps will be at your house not worth loseing your babbies over …Check see if they have a womens shelter for you …Then take out tanaf or child support out on him …good luck .
I have been there and done that. Not necessarily with the children but my husband got drunk and hurt me. Since then he has quit drinking and went to counseling. His temper is still there but not near as bad as it was when he was drinking.
Ultimately the decision is up to you. My gut told me he is a good man. Just not when he is drinking.
Trust your gut.
I told him I was leaving. I was done. We separated for a few month. During that time He promised to quit. And did. Never drank again. . I pray for peace and acceptance for you whatever this road brings.
I’m not saying leave. I’m not saying stay.
I’m saying I understand what your going through and there is no simple solution. I’m here if you need to talk.
Now you are aware of the physical abuse. Your kids are not safe and if anything serious happens you can be charged with failure to protect them.
Either he is super stressed or there is something else going on there. I would definitely be asking questions.
He needs to go. He hurt your child.
Leave. After what he did to your kid, there’s no reason to let that happen again.
It doesn’t matter if he is under stress…he hurt his child. No one is saying he should be godly and perfect that I’ve seen. The fact is, he hurt his child and there’s no excuse for that ever.
Counseling or just leave
Okay so bare with me because this is going to be a long one. But my spouse went through that not to long ago and it turned out that he was dealing with stuff mentally and emotionally and he used alcohol as a coping mechanism and because he did that he became an Alcoholic. And he did that because instead of me being like “ okay what’s going on” I was like “ your an alcoholic. You know I don’t like that because of how I grew up” I was very hyper critical of him about everything he did. Did something happen around the time that he started acting like this? Was he triggered by something? I absolutely do not think if you feel unsafe that you shouldn’t remove yourself from that environment but I am saying maybe you should try to get to the root of the problem. If he’s not willing to talk and stop the drinking then that will be a problem. But also i can not stress this enough you can not expect perfection from him because he is only human. It will not be that easy because at this point he is an alcoholic and he will struggle with it but that dose not mean that it is impossible. I’m not saying stay with him, maybe it would take you really leaving for him to realize “okay I love her and my kids and I don’t want this anymore.” That’s what I had to do. Now we are back together and doing good and we are taking the steps to grow in our relationship, going to church etc.
File for child support and have him go and get therapy, kids first
LEAVE NOW go to a womans shelter in your area now
You are not in love with HIM… you are in love with a fake scenario…how could you sit by and watch him treat a child like that…nuff said…