I think you should be greatful that she has a caring step mother. Her dad will be sorry one day he didnt spend time with her. The song Cats in the Craddle comes to mind.
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It’s his time and his rules unless it’s a court directed item. Talk to the step mom and nicely remind her ok f the babysitter rule
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I wouldnt get caught up in the who is looking after her in his time, you actually have no rights there unless your daughter is not safe so save yourself the mind fuck and dont think about it. However I’d deff be pissed if she was over stepping like the changing room incident… tell her straight up youd to do that job if your there
I would get close with the stepmom. Obviously dad is useless. But coparenting with stepmom may help calm your fears about not knowing whats happening because you now have an open line of communication with stepmom
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As long as they’re treating her well and the way their supposed to, you can’t do or ask for anything else. What happens at their house is what happens at their house. Same for yours. Assuming it is a healthy and appropriate environment there, you’re letting your ego get in the way of what matters; your daughter and her feelings. It’s hard letting go of control and not knowing what exactly is going on brings anxiety. You have to decide to trust her dad and his wife (unless there are legit concerns) and decide it’s in the interest of your daughter’s happiness. A healthy father figure is essential for development (mom’s, too!). A healthy father-daughter relationship has profound benefits.
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As long as your daughter is happy, and is healthy and taken care off I dont see an issue.
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The biggest life lesson that you can learn and accept that will eliminate so much unneeded drama, tension, and turmoil…outside of a situation that is putting your daughter’s life in imminent danger, you have ZERO control about what happens during her time at her dad’s! The quicker that you truly realize this and embrace this reality, the sooner you will all have some peace. I was part of a Divorce, Custody, Co-Parenting Forum after my separation and I saw people who had been walking this journey for years say that over and over and over. I’m so grateful for that piece of advice because I know it has saved my kids and myself from extra heartache that would have gotten them or me anywhere.
The courts will 100% not care if his wife is the main caregiver. The courts will 100% not care if she has sleepovers or babysitters. If you take him to court over these trivial matters, get ready for the judge to extend his custody schedule.
You don’t get to dictate where she is, who she is with, her bedtime, or anything else during her time with her dad. I’m not saying it doesn’t suck and there won’t be times where you are damn near biting your tongue off to keep from spewing your thoughts. It does & you will.
On the pool incident, I do understand how your feelings could be hurt. Again though, this is not about you, this is about your child. It sounds like she has a bonus mom who adores her and wants to be there for here. That is a huge blessing! Who wouldn’t want more people to love their child so deeply?! Again, it’s hard sometimes (maybe even a lot of the time for some), but you need to deal with your own hurts and insecurities within yourself. If it becomes a pattern of her trying to “out-mom” you, then a civil conversation between just the two of you where you share your feelings wouldn’t be out of bounds. It’s a journey & I just caution you not to create more pain for yourself by overreacting and/or making daily life a competition. You are her mom, and you can never be replaced!
Your an absolute idiot the more people that love your child the better be happy that this women is there for your child instead of resenting her for existing. It is your exs time with your daughter included in that time is spending time with his family for example his mom, she still needs to get to know her grandma and he doesn’t necessarily need to be there bonding happens much better one on one, & just like a grnamtda she needs to get to know her step mom. It is sad if she spends more time with your daughter than your ex but that is his choice some men are still like this and leave all mothering or in other words parenting/responsibility of the child to the women even if it is not her bio child, my ex did this even though his daughter did not know her mom I did everything & was everything. There was a women in my son’s my ex’s gf and she tried to show me up to have a better bond with my son than me to try to show she was a better mom than me I never said anything about it or got jealous or irritated that most of my son’s time was with her I would far rather have someone try to show me up and be there for my son in all the ways they can than have someone who ignored him and didn’t bond with him at all or take on any responsibility for him when he was there. In truth it made me feel better about him going there because I knew she was at least trying to be there for him in so many ways my ex wasn’t or isn’t. Get over it!
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How old is your daughter??
Your husband’s wife? Is he married to both of y’all or something? I didnt even want to read the rest after reading that because that right there tells me you’re probably just a jealous ex who can’t get over the fact that their ex is happy with someone else.
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It’s the holidays can we all stop making up problems now? 
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“His Wife” like u arrogantly refer to, IS her mother too. If she is spending time with your kid and taking care of her maybe you should just be grateful for that and stop overreacting because she loves her, since he clearly doesnt give a crap enough or is too immature to be a father himself. Talk about petty and jealous…
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This woman’s complaint is that the stepmom is doing everything and the dad is not, including sleeping over constantly at other people’s house when he’s seeing her what, maybe 8 days out of the month? And all you can say is she’s complaining or jealous? Did you not read that it’s ordered that no one else is to babysit, that the bio parent will keep the child and the dad has a 14 year old babysitting? You all sound like bitter stepmoms imo glazing over facts. and FYI, I’m a stepmom too.
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Its not your business who is looking after your daughter on his time, that is up to him to decide, it’s sad, but as long as she is cared for, you should just let it be.
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You mean your baby daddy’s wife. Unless he’s committing bigamy…but you’re complaining about a her stepmom being a mother to her would you rather her abuse her and not give a fuck about her. Like stop being bitter that he moved on. Be happy shes being loved and taken care of
You are being super pitty. You cant control what goes on when ur child is with him or what he does with her. Be happy that ur child as such a good stepmom in her life that likes to do things with her and love her. Leave ur ex and his wife alone geez. He has rules at his house that are going to be different from urs. Just because ur daugher goes to bed at ur house at 9 clock doesnt mean he has to have her go to bed the sametime as you do at ur house. Ur ex has a good wife. You are jealous ur ex moved on and found a good woman and that he isnt with you
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So it kinda sounds like Maybe your coparenting relationship sould be with step mom because it sounds like she’s the only who wants the kids more than him so maybe sit down and talk to her
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Have you ever talk to the step mom and asked her how she feels?
Maybe shes over whelmed also and knows how you feel.
But also know, this is really great for a step mom to actually like and respect a child. Im very happy to hear shes actually treating her well!
Also get over yourself on the babysitting part. Its not bad for parents to go out and have a babysitter. Its not like there doing it every night or day.
Now him not spending time with her is just rumors. You are not there and you have no idea what he does. Unless your trying to stock them.
You also need to call her step mom not his wife. Yall a family now.
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If she’s in good hands then what’s the problem? I get he’s being a dick but your daughter sounds like she’s being taken care of, she even might have a bond with this woman, I don’t see an issue although I would talk to step mum just incase she feels the same way, she could feel over whelmed x
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No your not overreacting. This is your daughter. If it is court order about babysitting g then he must. Fallow it. You don’t know who this sitter is
And. I would want to know them. Meet them . check them out. You have that right. And if you and step mom have a good relation ship . maybe you and she could sitt and talk about any concerns you have. Sounds like she is a good person if she’s careing for your daughter and your daughters not complaining and likes her. . just be honest with her she may be able to relieve any concerns you have. Your just being a good mom . don’t let others tell you different. Also be sure to thank her for all she does for your daughter. Hang in there girl.
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What he does on his time is his time as long as your child is looked after and not in danger you just gotta deal. When your daughter is older she will see who was really there and who was not
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The wife sounds to be a lovely woman. It’s not easy being a step mom and your little girl has a good one. I would just not even phone him anymore and just phone her. He seems to not bother about being in your girls life and spending time with her but the wife chooses to spend time with your daughter. Hats off to her
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She goes to see her dad if he cant be bothered with her why are you sending her and no I wouldn’t be happy with hes wife taking over shes hes wife not your little girls mum if you went bk to court and told them they would say the same
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You are over reacting
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I wish my ex husband would have found us a stepmother! God knows he didn’t do anything of importance to help raise the kids. A little help would have been nice. Make friends with this woman and be allies for each other. Tell her you appreciate her efforts. Then tell her you would love to babysit if they have plans.
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Take it from a stepmum whos mum has turned kids against me over yrs making it hard for dad to now spend time with them aswell. More people to love your kids the better. I wish my stepkids mum would have given me chance and had a goid relasionship with me. Unfortunatly she still in love with my hubby. Its been nearly 8 yrs now.
My niece and nephews mum passed away when they were 5 & 10. Their mum hated my bros new wife ad tried turning kids against her. When she passed away it was hard for sister in law to build relasionship with niece and nephew. They are now 20 &26 and finally get on. But took along time & lot of wasted yrs that should have been good.
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Doesn’t sound like dad really cares about his daughter. Sad.
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You are not overreacting. He sounds like he does not care and never really wanted his daughter with him. I would just communicate with the stepmom. It sounds like she is willing coparent with you.
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Speak directly to the step mom & tell her do not change her after swimming class, because you didn’t like that. Clear boundaries are best made directly to the source. As far as kids taking care of kids, I wouldn’t allow neither. Take that back to court. Bedtime preference 🤷 not major, wife doing most of the childcare is cool too. His wife is the only one who can force his hand on parenting day to day at this time. Good luck with everything, there’s no abuse happening so accept the babysitters & find new fun things to do.
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We have that here too but since they come here if hes not coming I cancel
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A judge is honestly going to laugh at you if this is all you present them with and you go back to court. During his “time” so long as the child is being properly cared for, it’s none of your business who the child is with.
I would be thankful that things can be civil and that someone cares enough about my child to make sure she’s being taken care of. You cannot control every little detail and he doesn’t even have to tell you anything at all during his time so I would welcome his honesty as well.
Keep yourself busy and stop trying to control the situation. As long as she’s safe, happy, and taken care of then you need to count your blessings.
The whole pool thing is also petty…
Was it their time? Because if so I would have assumed and taken the child to get changed before we leave as well or maybe even just out of courtesy/to say goodbye if she wasn’t leaving with me. People are not mind readers and you should probably communicate if it bothers you.
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You have a few choices, but not a lot. To be honest none of them are that great.
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File contempt with the court. He’s violating the right of first refusal.
Unfortunately this can and will cause drama. If you just don’t like it because it’s not what you would do then its probably not worth it but if you’re truly concerned about her well being its the best recourse. -
I get the feeling…that it should be him…but its not. His wife is trying despite her husband. Maybe have a conversation with her. As his wife she may not be ready or willing to really listen…just make sure you approach her with kindness and respect instead of hostility or anger
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Gather “evidence” and take it back to court requesting full custody. Some courts won’t care that stepmom is caring for your daughter instead of dad…some will. This should be a last resort because in all honesty…you could loose and he could end up with more time. If that happens the stepmom may be way less civil than she has been. But again…if you’re truly worried about her safety/well being and nothing else is working to fix the problems…it may be your only choice
You’re the only one who can decide what kind of action you need to take. You’re the only one that can make this call. Before you do anything. Take some time. Make lists and self-evaluate your feels and their actions.
Be greatful he found a woman who wants to be in his kids life!!!
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The more people who love your child the better she will always knows you’re her mom. Having a bad step mom is much worse.
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You should be thankful that your daughter has her in her life and that you know she’s being taken care of. You need to leave both of them alone.
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You sound jealous and hurt. You really should just let them be. At least she has a father who actually makes time for his kid. Your daughter isn’t being mistreated. You need to leave your personal feelings out of it before you ruin something good.
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So when OP has their child, she never sees any other family? Who cares if the child visits family and if she goes go to bed a little later thank normal on her dads time. Its HIS time. If he wants her to visit family, she can. Sounds like you should be thanking step mom for caring and taking such good care of your child when not in your care. So what, she took her to change after a swimming lesson lol it’s their time together and technically you shouldn’t even be there
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Talk to your daughter. Ask her how she feels about her visitation with her father, how she’s treated and if she’s happy then have a conversation with the wife and tell her your concerns. The husband seems to not like you very much, but don’t let him intimidate you. You have the Right to question anything!
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Yea I’d say you are over reacting. You sound jealous and bitter . Why are you still calling this man your husband? He’s married to another woman. Be happy there is someone else who loves your child. You can’t dictate how he parents or what happens at his house . If you have a problem with her man up and let her know what she doing to cross the line.
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As someone who suffered from a horrible abusive step mom, i had no idea step mothers who didnt hate their step children even existed.
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Maybe talk with the step mom. She seems to really live your child, which you should be super grateful for. She sees the child as her own, as she should. Talk to her, swap numbers, develop a relationship with her. Be kind. I’m sure she isnt doing anything to try and hurt you. Shes looking after a child, that she took on when she got with your ex…which is amazing.
During HIS time, you have no say on what goes on, and vise versa. If he is taking her to see family, and shes up a little later then normal…oh well. That’s his time with her. Not your time. On your time, you can do what you see fit…but he is her father and has rights, regardless on how you feel or what you think. That child has a loving step mother caring for her…be happy and move forward.
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She’s happy? She’s safe? Let her have time with her step mom. At least one of them is a good parent.
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I can’t roll my eyes enough with this post. Be happy the step mom loves her, maybe instead of being jealous have a relationship with the step mom so you feel more comfortable. I think it’s great she’s taking on the responsibility of a child who isn’t hers.
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So you think that her dad isn’t spending time with her? Is this a fact or you just think? Are you that involve in your exes life that you know exactly what he does everyday and every second of the day? so because on some occasions he’s not with her, you think he’s doesn’t spend ANY time with her? I’m a step mom and I know for a fact that his dad Cant be with him every second of the day, he works so I take care of him like he was my own. You should probably get your own life and stop stalking them. Your daughter is getting taken care of. Occupy yourself with something at home. Go to the gym, do yoga, take cooking classes, anything to ger over your ex.
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Ok soooooo step momma went to the locker room. Did you? I’d have walked on in there too. And the babysitting thing…idk that strikes me as something you wanted. You cant dictate what this man does anymore. You don’t know if he does nothing with her. For all you know she prefers to handle the house and kids. Damn chill
Well if he was with you you’d be taking care of the child for the most part so it’s not really a big deal just be grateful she’s with somebody who’s taking care of her.
If the court has granted him parenting time, then you need to respect that you cannot control what they do during that time. If you have right of first refusal for child care, document any violations and bring those to the court.
But I’m sorry, you don’t get to control what happens or whether the wife takes care of her primarily when she is with dad. Perhaps you made a poor partner choice to begin with, but it sounds like the court has given him that time, it’s his right to use it without your interference.
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Write it all down and go back to court.
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At least she has a good step mom. You wouldn’t like it if she didn’t accept your child? She is the step mom to, so she can and will do things with her step daughter, that’s her right as shes married to her father… Like, taking her to change before you could?!? That is petty as hell, extremely so. So the child was supposed to wait for you, in a wet bathing suit?? She helps out and you don’t like it but if she didn’t you wouldn’t like that either. She loves your daughter as her own, so she will do things like you do for her.
Yes he should spend more time with her but maybe she wants and prefers to be with step mom? Does he work on his one day and weekend? If he wants more time, id give it to him. Itll be a court battle and he will probably be granted more time. staying up past bed time(which at his house bed time is probably his choice), visiting family late, and spending time with step mom is probably not gonna hinder him getting more time, or in the cases ive seen that were the same it didn’t. Only thing the court here cared about was the child (ren) being taken care of by parent or step parent, and they both were granted more days. 1 got a full week and the other got every other weekend and Monday to Wednesday (same town and school district). I do agree with the part that, no 14 year old should watch a kid overnight. He has only one day a week and every other weekend, they can date another night. According to you the only thing hes breaking is that rule. If that’s true, he’ll probably walk away with more time. So, I’d give him a couple more days a week. Shes taking care off, safe, not being abused or mistreated so they’d have no reason not to Grant his request.
That’s my experience, what ive seen Happen, and my opinion, what id do. Everyone has their own though…
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I wish children would have had someone else to love them and take care of them. You need to back up and be thankful for getting along with this woman. When your child is in his care it is not under your rules.
Be grateful he has a good wife. If you think he might go to court for more time keep records when he does this. He does have the right to let his wife be with her unless she was abusive. No reason for him to get overnight sitter when you are available. You are the mom but is wife is there she can help. Does not sound like she is trying to turn your daughter against you. Be careful to not be jealous. Yes, you are the mother but she has a good relationship with her step mom. Be thankful especially since dad is clueless.
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when I left my ex, he finally found a great gal, who had a daughter. She was so great with my kids, Her daughter was the same age as my kids, so they all got along great. She treat my kids like her own & the ex was never home 
And I didn’t care. So I would be more worried if the woman wasn’t nice/good/great with one’s kids. Who cares if the ex isn’t there
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It’s her job she the mother of the house like my house I do all the work for my step sons no complaints that’s life get over it
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During his time, you can’t control it unless he putting her in danger or abusing her. I don’t like how both of you are putting the kid in the middle of both your stuff. Ask for some counseling so she is not in the middle
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Your totally overreacting. I wouldn’t worry about it. And why are you calling this man your husband???
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Your daughter is being cared for and has two parents in her life plus a loving stepparent. You should chill…and help your daughter pick out something nice for her stepmom on mother’s day. It’s not about you. They decide how to divide the labor in their marriage, not you. Could be a lot worse.
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Your husband’s wife? Ladies can we stop calling men who are bf or bd husbands? It takes away from those of us who are actually wives🙄 so annoying…okay rant over. Be happy she cares for your daughter but I am with you on not letting a 14 yo babysit overnight.
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I have nothing to say ha
Personally? I think your being overbearing and selfish. This woman clearly cares for your daughter and you should be grateful to have that.
Whatever way you so choose to handle things I found BIFF ( brief informative firm friendly) works with my daughter’s dad and his wife. Whom in which has not been in her life since he walked out almost 12 years ago. Record everything if possible. Good luck
It sounds like he needs to take care of your daughter also! I would be pissed if he was leaving her over night with a 14 year old! She can stay home instead of doing all that! Its great that she has a wonderful step mother but he is her father and needs to be the main care taker and share the responsibility!
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Yes, you are wrong. Yes, you are overreacting. 
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Yes honey you are bugging. I am a bonus mom and both my sons have bonus moms. Here is my rule. I don’t run their house hold and they don’t run mine. When my kids are with their dad and their families I don’t bother them. You need to chill out. As long as your child is being taken care of what’s the problem. Thank God that woman loves your child instead of mistreat your child.
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You cant force your ex to be a good dad 
but it’s great the step mom is good to your kiddo. Maybe you and step mom can get a working relationship, maybe shes cool and will give you the feedback you want? Shoot maybe y’all could become friends?
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As a step mom…be grateful she sees him…even if u don’t like how they run their house…and be grateful she loves your daughter…my step kids are now adults and both mom and dad are glad I was and am here
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If he left after 15 days he would never see my daughter
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Its absolutely your right to be concerned with this you have no idea who is around your daughter and now you have to be very careful
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I would not like the14 yearold sleep over.The rest just leave it.All need to communicate
No, you are NOT bugging! He is the one getting visitation NOT the wife. I say ask for a mediation so that all of u can sit down and discuss it and come up with a plan u can all agree with, BUT, the judge will also tell him that his time means he has 2 b there.
Honestly didn’t even read this. You started off with “my husband’s wife”. If he has a wife, he’s not your husband. Sounds like trouble and control from the get.
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another thought, maybe the child likes going to this person’s house and likes hanging out with the step mom. This sounds more like jealous ranting to me.
It’s nice the stepmom helps out BUT I have a problem with the fact thr FATHER is not spending quality time with his child. That is what the visitation is for. My husband has two sons from a prior marriage and he tries this “going out” stuff the weekend he has his son. I tell him HELL NO…you’re to be here with your son and do things with him… not run the street…ain’t happening Buddy. So yeah, I would also have an issue with my child being pawned off on someone else while her father does God knows what. I don’t give a damn if it is his household. That doesn’t change the fact that it’s still my daughter.
I’m a bonus mom , I love all our kids the same . As long as she is treating your child good that’s what matters . She could be a nightmare and being mean but she isn’t . Just be thankful not alot of women will love your child like their own.
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Honestly, my daughters ex step mom still talks to my daughter. My daughter even asked me if she could call her mom 
hunny, your daughter knows who her mommy is. She knows her mommy loves her and you will never be replaced by another women, even if (not saying you would) you were to walk out of her life. Calm down and feel blessed step mom loves daughter like a real daughter and doesn’t treat her like a “step child”
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You don’t have any business in their house period. As long as the kids are well looked after then aces!
About the teen babysitting, that us a decision for u and the father to decide. All states may not be the same however in KY, at the age of 13, a teen can take a course through the cooperative extension office to become a certified babysitter. However, u have a right 2 say no to anyone NOT an adult doing it.
I have a step mom who I love more than anything. Shes been with my dad since my mom was preggers with me. My step mom did EVERYTHING for me bathed me fed me bought me clothes everything and never once did she try to take my moms place. I think you’re overreacting just a little bit. She loves your kiddo thats what matters
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U are a little… cuz he is right he can do what he wants with his daughter when it’s his time. Bed times/Let her stay the nite where he sees fit/ all of that. Unless there is something specific in your court agreement u have no say so. He is just as much a parent as u are. If I were u I would stop concerning yourself with so much that is going on over there unless your daughter is upset… it’s important that she has time with her cousins and step mother/family she’s an important part of her life too… and the 14 year old may be responsible enough age isn’t specific for being responsible… some 14 year olds are more responsible than a 17/18 year old don’t take this harshly it’s the truth with co parenting u don’t have a day so what he does
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Girl if she is being well taken care of don’t trip. You know
There is always one parent who doesn’t go by the others rules. If they aren’t outrageous and she is happy when she is with them
Just relax.
Sounds like the only reason he fought for visitation is because SHE wanted it. I wouldn’t be too happy with it either.
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Being a step mom is very difficult. If she’s treating your daughter good, APPRECIATE HER! My husbands ex, sabatoged my relationship with my step kids. They’re adults now and see how it really was. Sounds like she is stepping up more than your ex.
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I am a stepmother and have been around since my stepchildren were very small, before entering school. I did the majority of the pickups and dropoffs, kids did activities with me, and overall spent more time with me then with my husband when they were over because my husband isn’t very social and I’m just more fun. We were together for dinner, breakfast, bedtime, and just some of our outside events. The more people to love your children and support your children the better. The pool thing, she probably is just so used to getting up and doing she didn’t even think twice about it.
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You are being much too overbearing. You cannot control what happens at his house and as long as safety isn’t a concern, it really isn’t any of your business to be questioning him about how he spends HIS time with his daughter. No safety issues, none of your business.
If youre worried about where she may be ask her to give you a ring when she stays out somewhere over night. Other than that i think its great that she has such a big support team with two women that care for her.
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I was in the step mom position until last year when me and my ex husband split. I helped a LOT with the kids and they often preferred to be with me than their dad when they were over. Their mom did not have any issue with it at all and was even understanding when they were going through a very rough time and the 13 year old asked to stay with me for a while after me and her dad split. Her mom gave me temporary guardianship and I made sure she seen her every time she wanted if I had the gas or if her mom wanted to help with gas a few times. However, I am also a mom to 4 of my own and am very overprotective. I have no problem with co-parenting but I do believe in limits. But she could have just been trying to help, because as mother’s some people understand we are often stressed and they want to help relieve the load. If you and her have a good relationship I would encourage the relationship between her and your daughter because the more love that baby receives in my opinion the better off she is. As to the babysitting situation I would say he should definitely offer you the option first before turning to other people ESPECIALLY if it’s in the court papers. Anything beyond that he is in contempt of court. I say this from my law student side.
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Moral of the story: dont have kids with stupid men. He is an ass and this will never end. I would be just as upset as you are. I did the same thing, had a child with a bad, bad man. I have lived with this for a very long time. 10 years of court and suffering. Make peace with the wife and hope you and her can raise your daughter together. His goal is to do whatever the hell he wants. I’m so sorry you are going through this. 
Let it go she’s well taken care of
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Super petty. Sorry darling, you can’t be in control. You cannot tell him what he can and can’t do with his time. As long as y’all’s daughter (she isn’t just yours) is being taking care of on his time, it’s none of your business.
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I feel like your not upset about the swim thing as much as you are so upset with him, so that every thing they do now upsets you. As a step mom to one son and a natural mom to another, be happy this woman loves your child. That your daughter gets to see her dad. It sounds like if not for step mom the would be no relationship. However when it comes to the custody agreement go back to court. The agreement is the fir a reason… you both agreed to the terms
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If he’s not following the terms of the paperwork (i.e using alternate sitters, having her where she shouldn’t be) then you can report him for violations. He agreed to the terms he can’t just ignore them cause he feels like it.
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Be happy someone is LOVING your child I was blessed with a wonderful stepdad from the age of 2. Still had my daddy, too. I had an evil stepmother for a while, but she was evil because she wanted to keep my daddy away from me, not the other way around. It will help your daughter to be more well-rounded to grow up in different situations. Also, don’t be anything but a woman of grace when your bitter memories of her dad come up in conversation… because she is watching. I know it is hard, but that’s what friends are for! To let you vent and get over it. Sending good vibes your way!
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Use the court to keep everyone following the court ordered terms. Other than that, if the child is happy, let her be happy. Daddy might be a piece of garbage but if the step mom loves her then let her be loved Now abuse or neglect is a different story, and needs investigated immediately. But you didn’t mention anything like that so just be happy your baby has 2 loving parents, even if it is 2 moms 
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Girl. I know how it feels. It really sucks to know that the father takes you to court asking for more “time/visitation” for the child and but the little time he does get, he don’t spend it with her for the most part. Then he has the nerve to want more time.
I went through this with my ex. He took me to court for full custody and made up god awful things about me and then tried to make his self sound like the super hero & best father when he only was getting my son 1 time a week BY CHOICE!.. but when child support court came, all of the sudden he wanted full time or at least 50/50 lol…
But the judge seen through him and his b.s so he got 3 days/overnight stays, one week and, 1 night the other week.
Our parenting agreement states that if my son is to stay with any one else that we have to give the other parent the contact information to the sitter.
Maybe you can get something like that set up, that way you’ll be notified where your daughter is for the night which IS NOT petty or being jealous as some people have said. I can see why that would bother you. However, you do not have control over when her bed time is or the rules and mannerisms that apply at her dads house. UNLESS y’all agree and put that in the parenting agreement through court. Also I know it has to bother you that he’s asking for more time when he doesn’t take advantage of the time he already has. Girl I already know!! Lol
But if you can get him to agree that if she stays somewhere else during parenting time that you both have to notify the other and give contact info. That could help IF he follows it (mine don’t but I don’t feel the need enforce it right now I don’t feel my son is in harm’s way.)
But it can help you know when and where she is staying while she’s away (vice versa) and you can document how often he doesn’t have her during parenting time. Document EVERYTIME with date,time, who she stayed with. So then you can prove to the judge why you don’t feel he deserves more time and express that not until he shows he truly wants more time by spending the time he has with her already. Then you feel that its not fair to you or her because that could be y’alls time together.
Now when it comes to him not asking you to keep her before sending her to a sitters house. The only way the judge will know is if you file a motion and bring it to the courts attention. (I didn’t and I kind of regret it)
Just make sure that when you bring court into it, that its a real issue or concern.
Also,I’m not going to lie. Its hard knowing another woman is playing your “role”. I had major issues with it when my ex first started dating & having new g.f take care of our son while he had him. I felt that it should be him taking care of our son. Not the other woman. That’s when my son was 2-3 yrs old. I was mainly worried he would think she was his mom or start calling her mom. If he did and my ex allowed it I would have no control over it and it really use to upset me. Now my son is 5. He knows I’m his momma and he’s old enough now to tell me if someone is treating him poorly. So I’m less concerned now. I was getting a bit jealous and I can’t lie about that lol.
All I’m trying to say I guess is choose court wisely. Don’t let your emotions get in the way. As long as she is not being neglected or abused physically, mentally, academically, etc. Then things should be ok. I know its difficult because she’s your baby girl and you want things to be a certain way (I can relate)… Just make sure not to stress your self over the small stuff or things out of your control. However enforce the things that are out of bounds. If he doesn’t do his part as a father then that’s a issue. But you have to be able to prove that to the judge. (Please don’t drag your daughter into this) if you can prove it, that’s awesome. If not, just be thankful and grateful that she Isint being mistreated by her and that the other woman cares and treats her good!!
Sorry I wrote you a book lol but things like this get me going because I can relate in so many ways.
However, I have learned to just appreciate that my sons dad is active in his life, that my son is actively around his other side of the family and that they treat him great and they all truly love him!! He is SO LOVED. That’s what makes me happy. I feel the more people he has in his life that love and support him, the better it is for him (regardless how I personally feel about them😂)… Its all about the kids. Sometimes our emotions get in the way.
Stand for what’s best for you & your daughter always.
(Again, Sorry I wrote so much😕)
Sounds like jealousy. You make it sound like your daughter is happy and healthy so let it go. You don’t get to dictate what dad does on his own time. So long as your daughter is taken care of, it isn’t your business. Let it go.
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Well it seems in an attempt to work him back by using your kid backfired on you, and now since you picked at it, he finally gets her, and you still want to be in controll of the one day that he gets her, and you don’t like the new wife either!!
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Everyone but my kids’ father takes care of my children when it’s his time with them. It frustrates me because 1) he lives in another state and only sees them a handful of times a year, 2) he claims I only let him have them when it’s convenient for me, when our entire custody agreement is based around what is convenient for him. I still offer more time when he’s in the area, but he doesn’t take it. As for the other people taking care of my kids instead of him, it’s no big surprise because he’s never really been a hands-on dad. He’s the fun parent and that’s that. My kids are starting to see that he just buys their affection. I try to keep the mentality that, as long as my kids are being cared for and not left by themselves for hours and hours on end, then there’s not a whole lot more I can ask for. It’s very hard to let go, especially if you were the one to always do everything for your child(ren), but the courts say we have to let them parent how they parent, as long as they’re not being harmed or neglected.
Quit being petty and let your daughter see him for who he is and she eventually will make her mind up on her own. No offence but sounds like you still have feelings for the father of your daughter and rightfully so but he is married so your going to have to let it go.
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I’d be raising hell with the stepmom for taking her to change her if it was my daughter. That’s a no no in my book. But that’s just me. Report him for violating the terms. You’re not being petty. You’re being protective. He’s the one violating the terms that he agreed to.
I don’t think your petty or you want him back. Yes he should be spending time with her. But she might be better off hanging with the step mom. You can be in control. You are her mother but he is her father like it not. Breath and say a prayer. Now this might sound harsh but next you are with a guy make sure to use double protection if you dont want to share a child with him.
Dont worry she will see it and know. It will take time. She has an awssom step mom and between you to she will see her dad but if he is not involved it his problem. Comunicat with step mom on your fealings im sure since you to get along she will ounderstand. I was in your daughters shoues. My mom and step mom always got along around me nomater wah. Thought my dad was king of world when i visited him. But now im older and i know i was going to see my step mom not my dad.and i aprecate every thing she did. They both tryed so hard to get my dad involved with us kids. Well im older and i know how it was … She will to… You to got this… You half to give alittle to make it work… Im with you on babysiting thow…