My in laws are pressuring us to start a family: Advice?

How do I deal with the pressure to have children? My fiancée is amazing, but his family (father, especially whom I believe is egged by his wife) constantly pressures / asks us when we have children. Father-in-law even went to the level of saying to my fiancée (his son), “you don’t want to be an old dad; you won’t be able to run around with them,” among other comments. I am 24 in a few months; my fiancée is 30 next year. He understands that I don’t want children yet and wishes to focus on my career for a few more years. We have just bought a house together, have multiple pets, dogs & horses, etc., and we have plans on purchasing acres to have cattle. I do want children, and my fiancée and I have both had the baby conversation to discuss our plans and timelines. Our relationship and timelines are solid, and my fiancée hasn’t pressured me at all and has shown me great support and understanding in my reasoning not to want children yet. Our problem is, how do we tell in-laws we don’t have children in our timelines for another 3-5 years without feeling like we need to give justified reasoning and tell a life story of why it’s not gonna happen yet. Partner and I are both very private people and don’t like discussing our private lives/choices/timelines too openly as we don’t like outside pressure. We are happy hustling, saving coins, and achieving alternative goals. We don’t want to struggle financially when raising our babies and want them to have a free-range home. What do we do?


Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My in laws are pressuring us to start a family: Advice?

You just say drop it …we will when we want to !

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Tell him he can get started on creating the baby you will adopt and to let u know when its all a go!

Tell them you never will if they don’t leave you alone about it. It’s your guys’ life not theirs

Mmmm just be honest , imean it is none of their business to tell you to have children, also he is your fiance , yall are not married so tell them that too… tell them you need to get married first to even try to conceive but you also want to enjoy being married a few years without any children involved.


Don’t beat around the bush tell them how you feel and that it’s really bothersome and getting annoying. I understand you want to respect the future in laws. However, they are not mind readers, and it’s fine to let them know how you feel in a respectful way. If you don’t tell them now, you will hold it in until it becomes a bigger issue. They won’t know how it makes you feel until you tell them honestly. And if after that they still continue the behavior, then ignore them.


Just tell them you are going to have children when you want to. End of discussion !


I’ve always said when it happens it happens quit asking us we don’t know when we’ll be blessed! :heart: that’s the easiest way to say it without getting backlash of it not being on there terms! Lol

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You don’t owe them an explanation. From personal experience I’m here to say- get your shit COMPLETELY together before you have kids. Have the home you want to raise them in, the career you want established, the money in savings to vacation with them and buy things they will need/want. You’re young and men can have kids until the day they die lol so your husband can wait as long as you need. I had my first of 3 kids at 19 and I wish I had taken the proper steps to establish a life before they came along. Forget what they say- they’ll get grandkids when you two are ready

tell them straight up, when you want to, you will & that they need to drop it.

You tell them this is none of your business? This isn’t difficult. It’s rude to pry into peoples lives like that. And if they are so concerned ask them which bills they are paying in your life to fill that they have a right to make a comment like that. 24 and 30…you have plenty of time!

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Tell them your reproductive choices are none of their business. If they want a baby so bad to have 1 themselves or better yet adopt. It’s beyond rude to pressure someone to have kids. SMH

Tell them to mind their own business

Are they older? Maybe they’re just worried they won’t have time with their grandkids. But it’s ultimately yalls decision. :slightly_smiling_face:


I would just tell them that children are not in your near future so they can stop asking. If they ask why just say that’s what you have decided.

Just say it will happen when it happens :blush:

Just tell them in a few years. Once you give an answer I’m sure they will stop asking.

Be blunt. Make them uncomfortable AF. Tell them you can discuss your sex life when they start telling you about theirs. If that doesn’t do it then bluntly tell them it’s none of their business and to butt out.

Me being me would say never if you ask me 1 more time…

I think you’re trying to be respectful of your future in laws. Just say, ‘its in the plan.’


Tell them every time they ask you’ll add another year before having any🤣


That’s a decision just for you and your fiance. When you’re ready you will know. Obviously they want to be grandparents but pressuring you isn’t right

WE?? no love its all about YOU.

I was a young mom. I had my first child at 20. I now have 3 at 27. Children are amazing but if you aren’t ready, you aren’t ready. There’s nothing wrong with waiting.

You say thanks for the impending excitement and encouragement but we will let you know when we make that decision for ourselves!

Ignore them do what you want to do

Either flat out tell them or stop complaining about them bothering you

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Your in laws have no right to pressure you for grandchildren. Tell them to mind their own business.

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Do what you want. It’s that simple. They may want you to hurry up, but in the end it’s not their decision.

Im blunt-
Id just say-
We will have kids when were damn good and ready- back the fuck off!!!

What no marriage, just careers and someday kids? Parents have no say about if or when YOU become parents! We heard that for 2 yrs, then we adopted when I was 21.

You tell them when it happens it happens and until then your both happy with the way your lives are. If they can’t live with that then your best interest is not what’s at their heart

Tell them every time they ask, it’s 6 months longer.


Tell them to mind their business. When you are ready you will tell them.

Give them tmi. Or ask them to explain how it works. Make them uncomfortable. Be as absurd as possible.

Let em talk, at teh end of the day it is ultimately your guyw decision

Tell them to mind their own business its up to you guy’s

Say “we’ll give you a bunch when it happens” :woman_shrugging:t2:

I would say that when so and so and I are ready but for now it’s not up for discussion

Buy them a puppy and give them info on becoming foster parents.

Tell them if they keep pressuring you guys it will stress you out so much you won’t be able to have kids.

Or tell them you found out you can’t have kids and don’t want to talk about it. Then when you do have kids, it’ll be a miracle!

Ask if they had kids before they were married, what positions they used to get pregnant, how soon after they got married did they have kids, how much money mom had to make to pay the mortgage (probably very little or none), or how she’d earn enough money if her husband died or was incapacitated. Ask how long it took them to pay off their house (if they own), if they could afford to buy it at current value or a comparably sized new house. Hopefully these are uncomfortable questions that might make them drop the subject at least for a while.

See if someone will ask them to babysit, preferably a child with ADHD or ASD or ODD or a special needs child who will wear them out and drive them crazy. That might make them a little less enthusiastic.

Or just sit down and tell them this line of bullying has to stop. It’s inappropriate. It makes you both uncomfortable, and if they persist it will ruin their relationship with both of you, to the point that you will have to cut ties with them entirely.

It’s your fiancées parents…ask him to have a talk with them telling them to back off about it and when you’re both ready you’ll have them. I’m sure they don’t mean any harm but it’s pretty annoying especially if you see them often. If it’s that big of an annoyance then maybe stop going around so much and when they ask why let them know.

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My in laws are pressuring us to start a family: Advice?

My uterus my timeline


Tell him to drop the subject or your gonna gift his son a vasectomy :rofl:


Idk he’s 30; way older then you, it does get harder to have kids in 30s more things can go wrong with baby, he just doesn’t want to be too old to were he can’t be able to handle a newborn at 2-3 in the morning, take his side on this as well not just yours


I always told my in laws I’d have kids before I was ready if they were paying for everything for their whole life, they shut up when they realized I was serious

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They might be all for it but you’re the one who are gonna be sitting up with it every night, you’ll be the one taking care of it when it’s sick, paying for child care if you have to work, dealing with mom guilt even if you are a wonderful mom, having to find reliable and pay babysitters for a night out taking the chances of health problems, formula changes, etc.
you do what’s best for YOU.

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tell them to kick rocks and blow bubbles🤷🏽‍♀️


Tell them it is none of their business

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Respectfully tell your in laws to mind their own reproductive organs :woman_shrugging:t3:

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Tell them it’s none of their business and the longer they bug you the longer you will hold off. I kept on bugging my adult son about getting married…they have been together 17 years…but they have me convinced they don’t need that. So I am trying to let it be. Tell them the same. Your body your choice. I had twins at 38✌

Your never to old to start having children these days. It’s more common now for couples to have kids around 35 and older. I’m 36 and my husband is 34 almost 35 and we have a 4 month old. You shouldn’t be pressured and wait until you are absolutely ready and settled in life. For his parents I’d just ignore the comments and just agree to disagree and keep living how you are. Btw I’m proud of you for having all the things you have at such a young age! Very smart of you to want a better future and career for your family. Keep up the good work!!! :heart:

Honestly just tell them kids will come when they come. u have a plan and even if u didn’t want kids at all that’s between u and ur partner non of their business. Ps u will never be financially stable 4 kids. They are expensive regardless and u never really know what 2 expect even when u think u are comfortable u won’t be. Relying on money comfort should not be the only basis u wait on. Im mot trying 2 be rude with that last comment. Goodluck I hope u find a way 2 tell them politely 2 leave u alone about it.

Just ignore them or talk to them to stop. If they want more kids then they get pregnant.
My husband’s family bugged us. I just smiled and said when the time is right we will. I have always been blunt.

Why do people act like they can’t be open to family. Like if they love and understand then speak up!

Lol I mean….I’m kinda a no nonsense person so personally I would just say “we do want kids in the future, but right now we are focused on creating the world/lifestyle that we want to bring kids in to, and you pestering us isn’t going to change that”. If they continue asking/pestering about it just shut the conversation down with “oh, yes, that’s been asked and answered” and move on to a new topic.

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It’s no one else’s business but you and your fiancé’s! Then pressuring you isn’t right. If you guys have your own timeline that you agree on that’s all that matters. Your fiancé should be telling his parents to but out and shut them down when they start. And honestly if they don’t stop I would just stop spending time with them and when they ask why just say it’s because they can’t respect you and your fiancé’s wishes and it’s not right for them to treat you that way. Regardless if they think it’s from a “good place”. Don’t let anyone pressure you into anything, especially kids. It will be better for you, your fiancé, and your future kids to only have them when you both are ready. :heart:


My thought, because my parents were older and one was ill, is they may say it “light-hearted” in their minds but may be panicking as they want to be able to enjoy their grandchildren when they are healthy and able. They may also not share their worries- not your concern or worry to carry, but something to consoder?? As I’ve learned with the grandparents, I don’t always receive the sentiments the way they are/were intended. I don’t know their circumstances and am not defending them. However, if you don’t typically have issues with them being overbearing, don’t carry that extra weight on your mind. Just casually, but firmly, share that you have a plan and thanks for their concern. They will have grandchildren, God willing, and in the meantime enjoy the grandpups! :heart:

Tell them it’s none of their damn business, no reason or politeness needed! They’re being extremely rude in pestering you and pushing their own opinions about your life. Cut it off.

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Just say it out right, we’re not starting a family yet. Your not gonna make it to where they like it. Sometimes people just don’t like the choices you make, even if it’s best for you. People care more about there own agenda and feelings than what’s best for you.

Tell your in-laws to mind their own damn business

I would just tell them “not any time soon but when we decide that it’s time we’ll let you know. We would appreciate it though if you stopped asking us. We’re just not ready yet”

You will be the first to know when I am pregnant. Until then we don’t want to talk about it

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I know loads of people who didn’t have kids til they are in their 30’s. Honestly you do you.

I would get a puppy and be like ‘here you go it’s your grand baby.’

Unless they plan on raising your children they can stay out of your business. It’s not up to them, it’s up to you and your partner, no one else

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Don’t even tell them a timeline. Just tell them that you are not ready and they need to respect that and give you guys time. You will do it when you’re ready.

Not to be harsh towards your family but it’s nor their business or concern about when/if you choose to have kids. Nobody has the right to pressure or tell you what to do with your life. If you’d prefer to be a little less blunt if maybe go with “We are not interested in having children at the moment and I would appreciate it if you’d stop asking about it. We’ll tell you when we’re ready.”

I’m a step mom for the past 13 yrs but had my bio son at 33, 2 years ago. There is no time frame nor the “right time” for a baby. You do what you’re comfortable with and if that means you have to step on some toes then do it, just be honest. The idea of enjoying grandchildren isn’t a bad thing either, I think they’re just excited but no need for the pressure.


Just tell them when it comes time it’ll happen. You will never have enough money for children. Lol my opinion anyways :rofl::rofl: you just keep doing what y’all are doing. There’s alot of things and growing to do when having children of your own

Very simple, ignore them. You owe no one an explanation (or children) You and your partner have an understanding. And you 2 are the only ones that matter. Just keep living life as you’re doing.

Tell the in-laws to stop pressuring out of respect that there will be grandchildren but in 3-5 years. You both need to be firm and forward when telling the in-laws and if they ask why or want justified reasons tell them that it’s non of their business. Just be honest and tell them like it is they may be hurt but they will get over it in their timing just like you and your man will have children in yalls timing.

I would simply direct them to foster care services since they are so concerned about having another child in the family, they can raise it :woman_shrugging:t2:

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Tell them to mind their business and that it’ll happen when you & your fiancé are ready. That’s it


I would start with “We will inform you when we’re ready. Until then, let us get our relationship solid.”

When they keep pestering after that just say “Last I checked, you aren’t part of our baby making process. We’re not comfortable with you participating with us.”

It’s not there buisness and to be honest quite insensitive, god forbid but what about if there were issues conceiving? The added pressure they put on you both is unfair. I think your partner needs to tell them straight you have no plans for that now

Nothing to do with them when you start a family. No wonder so many marriages break up interfering in laws

Just 2 impatient parents wanting grandchildren no one is getting younger no but your decision is best get yourself settled make a life for yourself & enjoy till your ready still young yoirselves

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Say his penis it too big! When they get shocked looks then say “that’s exactly how I feel when you repeatedly ask if MY SEX life will produce any children…”

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My in laws are pressuring us to start a family: Advice?

Just say “when the good lord sends them”.

Have them when the both of you are ready, period! Children are a big responsibility as well as your pets are too. Make sure you can handle all of that. It’s a big decision, not one to take lightly. The in laws will have to wait. Are they going to be there at 2 in the morning to take care of the grandchild? I think not! Don’t worry about them, only when you’re both ready.

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I’m putting pressure to become a great grandma, that would be grand.

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Blow it off. You know your situation. I had one child at 21 and then twins at 33. It was much easier when I was young. Its your body and your marriage. My husband didn’t have kids til 35 (our twins) and he does fine. You are only as old as u feel!!

First off you do not owe them a reason nor do you need to explain your plans with them. Your relationship with their son and your plans to start a family is between the two of you. Just politely tell them when the time is right. My husband and I had our last child at the age of 39 and we keep up with them just fine.

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Tell them to MYOB!! You’ll have kids when you’re damn good and ready!! (Just don’t say it quite like that🤣)

The best way I’ve shut up family members about having more kids is by responding " We are currently having sex for pleasure, not procreation." It makes people uncomfortable.
Its absolutely your right to wait for kids when youre financially ready. Honestly, kids are freakin expensive.
My advise is to make those people feel equally as uncomfortable, its really none of there business.
It might be sassy, but sometimes thats the only way to be heard. You do you, Boo. Good luck.


NOT they’re business… Tell them so.

You guys are young and I think you absolutely should have a conversation about boundaries. You’ll have children when you and your spouse decide to have them, it’s no one else’s business. I understand in laws can be difficult, so if there’s a way where you can say it gingerly to them then I absolutely think that you should. Your partner sounds amazing and I’m happy that you’re both on the same page, if he’s willing to have this conversation with his family together about these pressures, I feel as though it might go over a little more smoothly.

We will let you all know when we are ready.
We will let you know after we are married, when we are ready.
We have other responsibilities to take care of first.
Please respect our privacy at this time, we will discuss it with y’al when we are ready to have that discussion, thank you.

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Tell them kids are expensive. & when we’re in a more financial stable situation we-((meaning just the two that will have the child)) will discuss having a child

I’d just tell them you have a 5 yr plan and that way they don’t keep bringing it up and if it takes longer than that to be ready at least you hopefully won’t hear about it for 5 years

I agree that you could just tell them that you will have your kids when they are meant to come. No other explanation is needed. Try to ignore their comments.

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Tell them: Maybe we are trying, and everytime you ask it is like you are stabbing us in the heart. That shut my family up for years. :woman_shrugging:t3:

Honestly if you guys are on the same page just ignore them and go on with your lives

They need to keep their comments to themselves. Patents should not interfere with that.

Tell them when it happens we will let you know

You don’t owe anyone an explanation, next time they say it just kindly tell them it makes you uncomfortable & you two will have them when the time is right for you two & not for anybody else

Let them know it’s you and your fiance’s lives and when you feel you are ready to have kids then you will. Let them know that you resent them butting into your personal business

Maybe your partner can make them aware that you have decided to have them in the next 5yrs, as you guys are wanting to be responsible and make sure to have everything financially prepared etc.