I’m disheartened that most of these comments are lacking so much empathy and compassion. It’s baffling. Your kids are part of your husband’s family now. That’s what happens when you marry someone. Just because they aren’t blood related… doesn’t mean squat. They’re friggin KIDS. Even if you explain it to them, they’ll grow to feel distant and maybe even resent their GRANDMA. YES, she is their GRANDMA now, because you married that woman’s son. I hate when people pick and choose, especially when it comes to children. No, she doesn’t have an obligation to take any of the children, including her blood relative. However, her actions will reap negative feelings from your children, if they haven’t already. Idk why involving them would harm her, and I certainly don’t get why she’d be bothered to include them in the fun. Your kids and your husband’s child are siblings now. You’re both parents to all of them.
I’m very sorry you’re dealing with this and hope for the best for you and your family. 
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I would stop visit. If she can’t include the other two or try and get to them then no one goes.
I had to do this as my oldest got alot more attention from grandma then her sister (they share the same dad) I straight up told her if little sister can’t be included or anything then you won’t see either.
I’m not having a grandparent play favourites and leaving one child out as it’s unfair and hurtful they are missing out on knowing a grandparent
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I’m from a blended family and sometime my sons visits would break my little girls heart. So my husband and I arranged dates when he had visitation.
Soon my son started asking for his sister to be included. They are now 11 and 17, and he still does it.
Don’t make a big deal about it as that will rub off on the kids. Just plan something when he is away. It may change but you cannot force the issue. Stopping the visits will penalize the 5 year old and its not his fault.
Also, have you taken them to a neutral place for a coffee and chat? Maybe your husband explaining this to his mom will help. But away from the houses and kids.
Good luck
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Are your own parents not active grandparents or on their fathers side? Maybe they can do pick ups at the same time. Or just explain to your kids the situation that’s not their bio grandma.
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Sorry but she has absolutely no obligation to your kids. Explain to your kids that she is not their grandparent.
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The best you can do is explain how you feel to your mil and if she doesn’t see eye to eye with you on it then it’s her loss. My kids have different dads an I don’t expect either gma to look after the other ones sibbling.
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Relationships are diffrent
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My thoughts are do his dads parents include your younger child too? Gotta sometimes look at it from the point of view that they have different grand parents and your younger one might feel out if he was left home and they went to there grandparents? What if they spent time with there dad or grandparents while your youngest is with your husband’s older child? Just some ideas to help the kids… I know how bad this sucks as a parent! My dad was practically worthless as a dad and is even worse as a grandpa which is hard to believe he could be worse… my step daughter literally clings to Grandma (my stepmom) all day if they have her. My mom isn’t married but every guy friend she has had has been better to my step daughter then my dad. My mom treats my brothers son and my step daughter the same, changes as she gets older and less patient but she has fought cancer and other health issues and still is the best mom and grandma possible to all her grandkids! Worst part is we moved away from three amazing grandparents to start our lives over and we are stuck living with my dad and his wife until we get back on our feet. We thought life would be better off away from home, but new troubles started especially with her behavior! We moved away because of a bad past there. My step daughters bio is in prison for at least 20 more years and our window was shot out of our house, so we had to leave the state… At least we thought we did at the time. Now we’re stuck and can’t financially afford to move back home or get our own place either one… So I understand how you feel. I hate that we moved away from our true support systems
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You can’t make her do anything! Your husband doesn’t mind so you shouldn’t either…. Talk to your kids abt ppl like her and do things with them alone!!!
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My ex mother in law was just like this! She was mean and hateful to my kids, and blatantly favored her daughters children. She give the other 2 drinks, gum, etc and ignore mine. I understand where you’re coming from. All you can do is talk to your kids and try to help them understand, and know that none of it is their fault. It’d be a wonderful world if they be accepted with open arms, but sadly it isn’t. But when your children are older, they’ll have her number, and know how she is.
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All these comments every child should br treated equally 
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Drop the issue … and explain to the big ones that sometimes adults are cunts , and it isn’t their fault xx they are loved , even if it ain’t from their “grandma” …
Grannys a betch and needs to be slapped with a wake up call !
Exactly Whetu N Julianne Hika the whole package…at the end of the day, it’s the grandparents loss…as a grand parent I know, the more the merrier xx 
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that’s her grandchild just explain it how it is
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Nope, your older kids are part of the family too! They need to be included.
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We have this rule where if you can’t spend time with all in some sort of way or can’t treat them the same don’t be there for any of them. OUR KIDS are exactly that and if they can’t be treated as equals we shut it down… that doesn’t mean we cut contact we just don’t let the special treatment happen 
lol
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Relationship in all aspects are all different. Can’t expect things to go both ways.
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Honestly you’re their mother. Cut em off, the family you came from isn’t as important as the family you’ve made with your partner. People tend to have this weird loyalty to serve their parents/grandparents once they have children and families of their own. Nah, screw her and her biased opinion. She wouldn’t be seeing none of my kids if she wanted to be a snarky brat about it. Tired of people excusing grown adults in their late 50s-70s treating people like garbage, especially children? Could you imagine being such a loser you actually had an issue with a CHILD? Crazy to me how people think they have a say in how their going to treat someone else’s kids 
nah, you treat their kids the way they expect you to and no different or just do the world a favor and don’t come around? Simple.
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You have to remember that the 5 year old she has known since he was born. They already have a relationship. Does your Mom and Dad see your kids? You could maybe have dinners or something so people can get to know each other better. It’s a tough situation but in time you’ll figure it out.
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This notion seems ridiculous to me. I have five kids one of them is my bonus child and my entire family treats her the same as my others. I made it clear from the beginning she was just as much as mine as my kids. We have had a family member attempt to play favorites and I warned them I’d just no longer allow them extra time with the kids I went out my way to do. It takes time. My bonus is 14yo and my entire family has accepted her as my own.
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Advice for the meantime is plan fun things for your two when the 5yo goes so they are excited for something…painting, tie die, park trips, etc
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That’s her natural grandchild , that’s something she did before you and something that should continue … do your older kids have family they can go with ?? I wouldn’t want my child with someone who didn’t offer anyway …
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They should all be treated the same.end of
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It’s only been 2 years could take way longer for them but no promises because I’ve been with my hubby 18 years now and there are still most of his side if the family that don’t except my older kids it sucks
I was a child in a blended family and my step grandmother treated me different. My parents did step back and none of us really had a relationship with her. Now she’s an old lady with no real contact with her family. Her loss.
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I am sorry that she is acting this way. You can’t make her love your children. Do they have grandparents from their father?
In a blended family things are not going to be even. Please explain it to the older children.
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Ew. Your mil is childish. If she can’t treat the kids equally then she can just stay away
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She’s in the wrong not you. All or none.
My eldest is from a previous relationship. If he didn’t get treated the same I’d pull back real quick.
They should all he treated the same my partner has an older child fro.a previous relationship my dad always treated him as his own grandson when he was alive and my mum and step dad always include him now even my brother and sister do he’s family end of
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It’s the step grandparents loss
But I personally would just let it go
And just do special things with your kids.
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Take your kids out. Your husband is the only one that can really stress the importance of the situation and how it’s making the other kids feel. But aside from that u really can’t force people to love your kids like u do
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Your children must have there own grandparents I don’t see what the big deal is or why you would try to push a relationship. Ur children will know who there grandparents are I would never push my older children on my inlaws explain to ur children they will understand if u stop making it a big deal. Its not your decision at the end of the day x
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Unfortuneately too common…
Cruel too but X chances are they won’t change
You unfortuneately cant make people care for kids that arent their blood…its sad…i would just let it go …
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My MIL doesn’t get to see my husband’s kids very often since we live in Houston and they live in Atlanta with their mother… but any time there is a child’s birthday party or something she calls and offers to take my son with her, it’s sweet of her to do that
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I went through same was so hurtful. Don’t push her to take them she doesn’t want to but talk to your partner about things need to appear fair to the kids and kids should be treated all with kindness and love. If she can’t do that for all than none. I had to have several talks with my then husband his parents would bring back souvenirs for his child and not mine . I made it clear to him even if he didn’t want to speak to his parents the gifts did not enter our home. The gifts were never taken away from the child we intervened I told him I get it’s his family and he can deal with them how he likes but we need to make sure kids are not hurt
You are not the ass
No these kids are not her responsibility she own out there grandmother I’m afraid it’s one of those things be different if she was their grandma
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My MIL always treated my kids different to. She only focused on her biological grandchild. I learned that sometimes its better just to keep the other kids away.
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It sucks but ur kids got ur parents as well as their fathers parents. His child is their only grandchild by him, therefore they are not obligated to take care of ur kids. Or did ur husband legally adopt your children?
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Our family is blended my man accepts my older girls as his own calls them his children. His mom has been very accepting of this and has given them permission to call her Mimi (cuz she hates grandma makes her old lol ) so while I don’t understand how you feel I can say it was a huge worry I had moving forward in a relationship but I wouldn’t force that relationship
My opinion she is absolutely in the wrong. But don’t cause huge family strife over it by pushing a relationship maybe speak with your husband about how you are feeling and the kids and see what he thinks. It may just be your in laws thought process that your kids have grandparents and she shouldn’t interfere in that relationship. Maybe she is focusing her attention on her grandson because she believes that he needs that extra special attention due to the new mom and new siblings and she wants their relationship to remain stable while he’s establishing these new relationships. Or maybe she is truly unpleasant and doesn’t care to have a relationship with your kids. Pushing her will not help. It’s her loss not yours. Don’t make a big deal of it instead perhaps you and your husband take your kids out for dinner or movies or family game night so you guys can talk about your awesome day when he gets home. That way it’s like coool you did this and we did this and not oh cool. We sat at home.
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tell them the truth and do special things with them while the other other one is at “granny’s”
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Honestly I think it would hurt the kids more to force it…maybe explain not all people are the same and love the same way…and that it’s not the brother’s fault that he is being treated different. I hope it works out for you!
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Unfortunately there are a lot of people like her around.
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How very sad!! Noo, you are not being an ass. Did you tell her the other children feel left out? I would think that in itself would make her reevaluate things. If not she is a sorry person. I don’t understand why people are this way. Also have you discussed this with your husband?
Well my son married to a lovely girl she has three children from a previous relationship and I love them as much as my other grandchildren my son now has three of his own with her and I am very proud of them all sadly I don’t see them much cos of this Covid But when I do I try my best to treat them all equal. … I love all my grand kids and step grand kids they are so special … I don’t push myself onto them if the kids wish to talk to me or be with me am available any time.
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You’ve been together only 2 years. There isn’t a bond between them yet.
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Unpopular opinion : your in laws did not sign up to a blended family. They have 1 grandchild, and if they only want to spend time and money with him, that’s okay. Your children have their own grandparents, and your in laws have absolutely not obligation. If I split with my partner and got with someone else, I absolutely would not expect them to do the same for my children and as they do for their own grandchildren, no matter how lovely that would be. My partner has a child from a previous relationship, my family have only met her numerous time (we live a few hours away), they buy for her on bday and Christmas but not as much as my children. Tbf, I don’t even buy as much on SD as I do for my own children because she’s got her own mum, if I don’t do it myself how can I expect my family too. She’ll grow up having to understand that my parents are her grandparents
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First off where are their blood relative’s?why don’t your kids see them?And how do you expect and non blood relative to hangout and do things with them where their own family won’t? It’s not their responsibility. Not to be mean but what if the in laws are in a tight budget and can only afford the spend it on their one grandchild? It sucks yes, but you can’t expect his family to except them. Your husband yes cause your a package deal be happy with that. I was that one child talk to your kids and be honest with them tell them thet cant expect the same treatment, show them more love and do things with them when the other child is with grandparents. In the end you can’t force someone to love them the same as you do. They are your only world, not anybody else’s. So let it go.
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if you cant do for all then do for none
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I don’t understand the grandma. Our SIL brought two sons into our family circle of love. They haven’t ever been step-grandsons. They are our grandsons.
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Sounds much like my own “women who raised me” she would only want something to do with my two oldest I had before I met my now current husband. Well that stopped quickly cause I told her if you don’t treat ALL the same, then you won’t have anything to do with NONE.
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Can you look at it a different way she has a connection with this child and does not know it seems your children just try include her in your combined activities and let her have her time with her Grandchild without any aggro when she gets to know them things will change so try to respect her wishes good luck
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I’m astounded by the sheer number of women on this thread who would readily accept a MAN’S MOTHER making your kids feel like they are less than. 
No one is “obligated” but what kind of trash people act like that?
Any “grandparent” or “husband” who doesn’t treat their step family as if they are family can f$%* right off.
they aren’t required to do anything for your older two tbh. 
do their grandparents on their dad’s side not spend time with them? that’s what needs to be addressed.
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My brother married someone with a daughter from a previous relationship and my parents treat her like blood. Your situation sucks, and I feel terrible for the older kids!
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This is sad…if they can’t make your kids feel welcome, why would you want them around your kids? Why do we always want to make things they arent?
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My husband’s grandma will come to town 3-4 times a week and only spend time with his son! She used to pick him up from us and go to the lake house or the store which ended up making my daughter question why she wasn’t able to go. So we decided as a couple if you can’t treat both kids the same and make time for both then when we have his son she would see any of them, unfortunately my boyfriends baby mama feels differently but to each there own.
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You cannot force other people to act the way you want. Explain it to your kids that those Grandparents have a different relationship with the rest of the kids. Simply a fact.
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All kids should be treated equally
My middle daughters grandmother has never treated my youngest daughter as not her grandchild ( not related) and she loves me like a daughter
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My in laws have always treated my daughter the same as their biological grandchildren from day one. I would not marry someone who’s family did not accept me and my child. Big red flags.
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It’s either all the kids or nothing. There’s nothing to talk about.
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Christina Wilson this is so sad
You have only been together 2 years. The mother in law probably doesn’t feel comfortable taking someone else’s child and doing things with them. She barely knows your two to be honest. Her bio grandson will always be her grandson. You can take yours and up n leave any time. She has no connection to your kids. Why force a connection at this point. It would be different if you had been with your guy for 4 or 5 years. You are pushing too much and it won’t end well.
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My ex AND his mom treated my kids differently than his. That’s why he’s a fuckin ex! My kids won’t be made to feel like they don’t belong in their own family!
Sadly I would just talk to the kids, because you don’t want to push it children on people who don’t want them there. I’m the long run it’s your in-laws loss.
She is only making a bad image for her self in the eyes of the younger children and that is on her, not you and not your children. That is behavior only she will have to live with.
It would be all of none doesn’t Matter how long they are married it’s rude and sounds don’t on purpose to put the other children down
My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years we have 2 kids together and I have three kids to my ex husband, they have ALWAYS treated all of the kids in the same manner. Nobody is ever left out.
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Well one is their grandchild, your children are not. It’s not right, but its true.
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I wouldn’t force it. Luckily, after my divorce, and after I had another child, my ex mother in law started including my little one in sending holiday and birthday cards each year. Usually with a little bit of money even. It makes me feel good, but he really doesn’t even know them or care, but free money is good for any kid right? Are you the only one interested in this forced connection you want for them? Do they even care?
Well that sucks but you can’t force your kids on people.
Where’s your kids paternal grandparents send them there when your husbands kid goes to your mother in laws.
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What does your husband think? He should be sticking up for your boys. You never mentioned him in your note above. Makes me wonder about your husband.
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So my stepmom (I’m gonna call her mom throughout the rest of the post bc she is) actually went through this with my grandma as well. My dad had full custody of me and I was always at my grandparents house. I’ve always been super close with them and spent the night over their house multiple days a week. When my dad met my mom and they had kids of their own, my mom wanted my younger siblings to have the same relationship with my grandparents as I did. I’m honestly not sure how long it took for that to happen but it did probably a few years later when they were around 3/4 years old. From my point of view my mom was totally right but I was also upset because we rotated 1 day a week, so I would go one Wednesday, then my sister would go, and then my brother, and then me. I lost my normal time with my grandparents that I had for the first 7-8 years of my life and I was always kind of angry at her for it. But now that I’m older and have children of my own and my step mom is actually my best friend, I totally understand her point of view. I think In your situation grandma may be afraid of losing the relationship she has with her grand son. Be patient with her because I know it was hard for my grandma to lost time with me.
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Your older kids aren’t old enough to realize she isn’t their grandmother or is it just that they want to do the things the 5 yo is doing?
Do they have access to their own paternal grandma? Can she get them on weekends? Your mom?
You should NEVER force your kids on ANYONE. If someone doesn’t see time with your children as a privilege then they aren’t worthy of the gift. Your relationship is only 2 years old, you and your children were not her choice and she may not be able to afford doing all of the stuff she does with her grandson with your older 2 children too. That’s literally tripling her expenses or cutting down her time with her grandson to appease children she’s obviously not very close to.
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Honestly, as much as this situation sucks, you can’t force people to love or include your children. That has to come from the heart and they have shown they don’t want to otherwise they would have by themselves. I would just talk to your children. It’s sad but it happens ALOT
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Ummmm that family barely know YOU and within less than two years you met, dated, married and live together. Those in laws are NOT obligated to take the other children!! Besides that is DANGEROUS!
Instead invite the in-laws to cook outs and such so they get to know the other kids. Even then I wouldn’t trust no one with my kids, especially with no blood ties. When the in laws get their grandchild, YOU go spend some quality time with your kids instead of seeing how you can pawn them off with practical strangers.
Two years is one hell of a short time to know someone!!
What do they do when faced with a death? What does their grieving process look like?
What are their future plans? Does he have a 401K? Does he have life insurance?
How much does he have in savings?
What’s his view on surviving a natural disaster?
Does he make plans for the family often? Is he a full hands on partner? Can he handle everything if you got sick? When was his last physical? Is he up to date on vaccinations?
I could continue questioning but my point is, two years isn’t enough TIME to know everything about your partner and you STILL need to learn him before you learn your in laws and trying to pawn off TWO more children on them. They don’t know your kids nor what to do if they get upset or cry or scrape a knee… these kids are still brand new to them.
Imagine how your kids feel!!! They don’t have some great emotional attachment to those people!! They just might be bored and want to go do something too and that’s where YOU step in and take YOUR kids to the damn park or something. And I ALSO mean you take ALL of your kids to the park too! With blended families you don’t expect the kids to go with each other’s biological opposite parent do you? Like you can’t expect your ex to take ALL of your kids, so the same principle applies here. Whilst the kid is off to grandmas you take the other two to the park or the movies.
You can’t force this. The relationship she has with her grandson has existed since birth. He’s probably the apple of her eye. There’s no reason his relationship should change. I think unless it’s an issue at holidays you can’t really impose anything with this.
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I would say include all or none
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my in laws are like this, we cut them off. It’s not fair on my biological kids to not be considered and in our house we teach inclusiveness.
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Nope. Mother needs to be put in mothers place.
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I would say all or none. Period.
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SHAME ON THEM. I love my Step- grandson. We do not do step in this family. I took him all the time when he was a little! Love him to peace’s. Have biological grandchildren now and do not love him any less!
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Go for it and make it right for everyone.
Start doing special things with just your kids. Make them not feel left out 
Can your children visit their biological grandparents?
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Um, yes… Push the damn issue. If they can’t treat all of your kids the same then they don’t need to be around. Children are not stupid. It’s going to be remembered and possibly turn into more… Especially if you two stay together. ALL of the kids deserve good grandparents… Not half assed ones
Nah, always include every child. I have 2 boys with my ex but I have my niece full time & my 10 yr old daughter from a previous relationship. Everyone in my life includes them all for holidays, if one gets a treat they all get one. I wouldn’t come to someone’s home who had children without asking how many of something I should bring. I hate that for you 
include each child or dont include any! Thankful for my ex mother in law who still buys something for children not related to her biologically. Its so trashy imo for ur in laws to do that !
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I wouldn’t push it… but it would be kind of them to include the other children
Well… its her grandchild. But… for You & Yours, I would not have communication or interaction with her Anymore 
let your husband deal with her alone. In my opinion, She’s not your family By Her Choice! Treat her as such… She’s not a good person and your children and yourself do not have to be around that at all. Make it Very clear that it is Not okay … to Your husband And to her. Then … you won’t have to deal with her anymore. No more holidays, etc… you’re better off without hateful people like that. Your children deserve love and she will never do that.
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They could be more inclusive to your kids but obviously they won’t be. You have to just accept them as they are or let it tear your marriage apart. You didn’t mention but do your children have loving grandparents of their own?
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It’s been my experience that if members of either side want nothing to do with kids, it’s actually better for the kids.
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Actually, you can’t force that relationship. That grandmother loves her biological grandson. That Grandmother doesn’t have to do anything with your children. She isn’t obligated too. You have no say in this matter what so ever.
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This causes hard feelings. What does the father say? I would plan things for these children so nice the other child would want to be part of family.
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Sad. But knowing she feels this way, I would hesitate before pushing it on her because she may not treat them very good since she obviously doesn’t really want to include them. That would worry me.
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Stop sending kids where they aren’t celebrated, they can feel that shit.
Aw. That’s so sad. Personally, I would never leave out a child, related to me or not. But not all people think this way. Unfortunately, I don’t think you can do much about this. I wouldn’t try to force it, as that could cause some issues since she is not into it. Depending on the age of the other two, I’d explain to them the best way you could and just move on. As someone said above, I’d treat her the same way. If she doesn’t want to be a part of your ENTIRE family, then make sure she isn’t. I’d have your husband communicate with her about the youngest child, and leave it at that. I’m sorry for your kids. I’ve been there.
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l don’t push myself on her, she knows she’s always welcome whenever I take my youngest granddaughter out. Sometimes she goes. Sometimes she don’t. Her choice.
