This is yet another reason I left my ex not only did his family do it but he did. It’s all or nothing. Yall are family too and she needs to quit playing favorites.
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if she does give in she may be less than nice to your two kids. I would just lay off and let her see what a witch she is being.
I would never do this to kids, but some arent made this way.
You cant force relationships, they are there or arent.
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If she was a decent kind hearted person she’d include all but it’s hard to find people like that anymore.
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So sad. No one will do this to my kids. If someone makes them feel left out or bad, I cut them off tbh but not always so simple I understand. How can someone be told btw you make my kids feel left out and then still not include them? Like you make kids feel bad … that’s terrible!?!?! Do better.
Depends how old the inlaws are. Maybe they can’t handle 3 kids. Especially 2 older ones they have no real connection to yet. In time they may so for now don’t push it.
That’s unfortunate…can’t really force it though. Do the older kids not have any grandparents they can visit when the 5 year old is gone or in general?
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Id talk to the husband, id explain this is a blended family and if people ain’t blending then shit ain’t gonna work out. Might as well exclude me from everything as well 
I don’t play when it comes to my kids, if I think my kids aren’t being treated fairly or their feelings are hurt by another adult, ima have some shit to say.
If she does this now she inject poison in their souls slowly and deliberately if you left her. That is some kind of wicked cold.
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I wouldn’t force it because obviously she isn’t accepting of your children that are not biologically her grandchildren. It is quite sad. But you did say she is doing something with her grandson every weekend. Isn’t that a bit obsessive? I mean, doesn’t your husband want some weekend time with the kid? And what about the bio mom because I imagine the kid spends time at her home too. As for your kids, be honest with them. That is the best approach. Kids are smart and can tell if you aren’t. And if you tell them the right way, they won’t feel slighted or less important:
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Speaking from personal experience, it’s better this way. Being included because it’s forced is much worse for the child. People like that will find little ways to make your child feel worthless if they’re forced to be around them when they don’t want to be.
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You can’t force them as your husband took on your children it doesn’t mean other family member have to unfortunately. Don’t your children see their grandparents still as if so explain it that way
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Why do you want your kids to spend time with someone who doesn’t care about them? It almost comes across like you’re mad she won’t take your kids off your hands.
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Maybe she’s not comfortable with your children like that yet. To me that is what it sounds like. I know that may be frustrating to hear because it’s your kids but she is entitled to her feelings. I know I wasn’t comfortable leaving my kids with my in-laws for YEARS. I mean years. 7 years to be exact. I do understand why you’re upset because they are your babies but you can’t force it. Has this been her routine with her grandson since he was a baby? Maybe have your children go with their grandparents while he goes with her? I would just keep moving forward and encouraging their relationship. Everyone has different time frames of doing things and that’s okay. You can choose to keep pushing forward or let it ruin your relationship and your marriage.
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My husbands mother has temp custody of his first child, (this child is with a donor lol) and we have 4 children together. This past Christmas she sent the oldest to spend the holidays with us and gave her two huge trash bags filled with presents. This was very exciting for all my children until we opened the bags to distribute presents and they were all for the one child! The oldest, the one she has custody of!!! 
I was so mad, she hasn’t seen any of my children since! I absolutely refuse my children to go visit her. She knows where we stay but yet she can never visit once. We used to make efforts all the time to go visit, but after the Christmas incident, my kids will learn who was there for them sooner or later. Mind you my children are 7,5,3, and 6 mo’s. Her loss.
Let your children know you love them everyday… Soon they will understand that ur the realest in their world and they don’t need nobody else! The husband should be noticing and hopefully he’ll be the one to say something. If not, ask him why he lets her do that.
My daughter married a man with two daughters and she has two children also. I treat them just like the rest of my grandkids. I think your in laws should do the same.
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Your husband needs to talk to his parents. They’re all his kids now too. She can’t play favorites like that.
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It’s your job to protect your children and family unit. I am in a blended family. Either you accept all my kids or you wont see us. My kids need to see me putting them first. Let your family on both sides know what your expectations are and go from there.
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When your mil has her grandchild you n your husband do special things with yours so they dont feel left out
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What do the kids say? Are they jealous? Do they have a special relationship with your mom?
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They’re not her family she doesn’t need to spend time with them. Your husband took them on as his own doesn’t mean everyone else will/ has to. Just be honest with your kids about why so they don’t think it’s their fault they don’t get that attention.
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If she already treating them like this… why fight to send them off with her? You’re not concerned about how she will treat them? I would cut her off, or at least cut back on her visits. That’s not right, it was brought to her attention, and she reacted negatively. I wouldn’t send any of mine off with her.
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I wouldn’t want my kids around people who don’t wanna be around them willingly
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When you marry into a family w/ kids and/or grandchildren they should ALL be treated equally 
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Ouf…if take 1, take all or nothing!
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I would not let them take 1 without the other
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We have always had the rule that if you do for one, you do for all. I brought two kids into the marriage and he and I have two. My older two have no relationship with my husbands parents. My younger two could not careless about them. My in laws chose that. Kids don’t understand the dynamics of relationships but they do feel the difference. They just see one kid doing things they don’t get to do. I did not try to force a relationship, just set the expectation. I allow my husband to address the issue over the years. For the first couple of years we had to facilitate any visits. My husband was finally like “if they want to see them, they will make an effort”. Your husband should be the one addressing the issue. I agree with a lot of the comments here that you cannot force a relationship but what your husband can do is state “my kids don’t understand why there is a difference. As an adult you should be more aware of hurting feelings of kids that would love a relationship with you and if you don’t want a relationship with them just realize we are a package deal. For now on any visits will occur with all of us, myself and my wife and all the kids and not singular ly.”
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What a bitch!
Sorry but she pisses me off!
Tell ur Son that she won’t spend time with just ONE grandchild if she can’t spend the love!!
F that!!!
My son got with a young lady that has a son from a previous & there’s NO WAY I’d treat him any different than my other grands!!
I’m blown people act that way…just blown…
Why does this stepmother feel she gets to dictate the terms of a relationship that was established before she was even around?
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When my husband and adopted our nieces and nephews (my side from my sister) everything was fine. My husband’s parents would come get them for their birthdays and sometimes just take them out to the movies. They started having biological grandbabies and with the announcement of the first one everything stopped cold turkey! When they started asking me questions and realizing they were being treated different we stopped having anything to do with my husband’s side of the family except for my husband who never stood up for us! We don’t go over, celebrate holidays or birthdays, and don’t even say anything to each other at the store. My nieces and nephews are now 22, 21, 18, and 17 and they want nothing to do with them at. I do not regret my decision.
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Honestly I don’t want ANYONE around my child that doesn’t want to spend time… let it go… she will damage them more being unwillingly with them… her loss for sure this is sad 
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Your husband should have made this clear to his parents that all kids will be treated as equals as all are now part of the family. Maybe Gparents need it explanned that if all children aren’t treated equally then none of the kids will go there. At this point I would just cut them out because the are plenty old enough to know better and lord knows if you force this they could potentially hurt or harm or abuse your kids at some point. It’s not like yall only been together a few weeks…(blended families means a package deal, so all or none.)
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Okay, before you came around I’m sure the grandmother already had a special relationship with her grandson. I am not saying I agree with what’s going on, because I personally would not leave out my new grandkids. But personally I don’t think it’s your place to say anything. Tha should be between your husband and his parents. If you force your kids on them they may treat them ugly when they are with them anyways. I’m not sure how I would handle this situation.
That’s a hard limit for me. It’s all or none. What does your husband say about the situation?
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I feel this! My parents act more like a grandmother than their actual own grandparents to my stepsons. Even my MIL treats his kids different than the two we have together. Unfortunately with them not really being hers not much you can do but to express how you feel. I feel sorry for the kids who are being left out. What your grandparents on your side?
My parents always include my bonus kids in whatever they are doing it is only right
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Wow alot of cold hearted people in the world as one said above me it’s all or none
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Fine. Be. That. Way. What’s. Her. Problem. The. Child. Can’t. Help. Where. Or. Who. He/ she. Comes. From. She’s. Being. Pretty. So. Let. Her. Some. Ppl. Are. Like. That
What are the age differences?Is she doing activities for a 5 year old that the older kids wouldn’t enjoy? It takes time to build a relationship with a non biological child. Give it more time. Do not force it. It took me a minute to form a bond with my dil child but now I am closer to him then my biological grandkids.
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Tell them they are loved. I think your husband should adress this and let them know that all the children need to be treated equal or he will deny access to the one child. If your husband doesn’t want to address this then he is the problem and not much of a parent.
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I think they should all be treated the same.
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It awful but her reaction this way I wouldn’t send my kids with her. I would stop pushing it. You don’t know how she will treat yours. Maybe over time she will change or maybe not things take time for some people I wouldn’t stress about it. Explain it to your kids that it’s not their fault and they don’t have to have relationships with people like that. It’s not right but it is what it is. My ex and his family ate still in good and I’ve another baby they still do for him as they do my oldest. Some people ain’t built like that though. I think it should be all or none personally.
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Their. Being. Unfair. How. Petty. Can. They. Be???
They aren’t her grand children and she really doesn’t have to include them or do anything for them.
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What about your family? Do they have a relationship with them?
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All or none that’s not fair to the other kids and the fact that your husband allows that shows exactly who he sides with when he knows how you feel about it
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Do your older children have grandparents on their father’s side?? Are they involved? Maybe just chat with them and make sure your current hubs is on board.
Ask her why she does this ?? To her face then you’ll have your answer to what you should do
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Do your children have grandparents or a father that does things with then that the 5yo is doesn’t get to do? If that’s the case they probably feel the 5yo is left out.
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If she dosent want to be fair to all of them take the other one out of her life as well.That’s not being an ass that’s being fair to all of your kids.Next time she wants to get him say no mam not unless my other kids r involved.The fact u have to ask her to spend time with them is ridiculous and I would be mad and wouldn’t let her spend time with the little one either but that’s just me
All that pushing them is going to do is cause problems. It’s your husband to handle not yours
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Why isn’t your husband doing anything about this? What kind of man did you marry, that he isn’t treating your kid as his own and standing up for his family? You shouldn’t even have to be here asking this question.
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I wouldn’t push it, I’d worry about how she’d treat my children when she’s isn’t in my presence. I don’t force relationships for myself and definitely not my children. I hate that she does that because your children are innocent in this and it would be a great way for her to bond and get to know them.
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This is a tough one and I’m sure no single solution is the absolute right one…for me personally I would talk with my husband and have him speak to his parents to both let them know it is hurtful and also see if there’s more behind it like maybe they feel awkward or something…then I would talk to my husband about limiting the time his boy goes to times when your older two are visiting their father or grandparents etc…if they do that it is…while I think it’s an ugly way to be to not accept and open your heart to step kids/grandkids, I also wouldn’t want my kids to be around someone who had to be forced via an ultimatum to spend time with them…the two years part I don’t care how little or long it’s been…y’all are MARRIED not just dating and there’s a difference and by law those children are part of the family now…maybe request that most of the get togethers are all of you as a family whole and not just the one child for a while so that they can get to know the older kids a little more…maybe they just feel uncomfortable entertaining kiddos they don’t really know yet…and I would explain one way or another to the older kids not to take any of it to heart and that different ppl adjust to new family members differently and that some ppl take longer than others and that maybe you and them can go do something special when the 5 yr old is away with his bio grandparents…
I would not let the children go any place withoout the parents.
The older two are not related to your inlaws. His mother wants to spend time with her grandson. Having your father remarry and get a step-mom and two extra siblings at age 3 is rough when you are used to being the only child. Your husband’s mother probably wants to give the 5 yr old the chance to be the “only” child again. Don’t push your kids onto her. In time, she will either come around or not.
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These are children not adults 
it’s absolutely not ok she knows better as well weather she had a relationship with them or not my own family did this with my own children !! Because like they liked and had a better bond with one then the others we stopped talking to them completely when they refused to even try
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No that’s not right, all children to be treated equally. I had this same problem with my MIL, I have two older kids from my first marriage, and one with my now husband. My MIL only wants to take my now husband and I son. And leave my daughter and other son out. She says she can’t handle 3 kids at once, ok then one goes one weekend, then the next child the next weekend, then the last child the other weekend. Or take daughter first, then both boys. Oh she didn’t like that. My husband had my back on it. He said mom those are my two children as well. You need to love and treat them just the same. She still didn’t want to take my oldest two. So my youngest didn’t go with her, til she started to take the other two. Everytime she would come to get the youngest child, she always gave my oldest two money or toys, and would say oh Mamaw loves y’all. No ma’am if you truly loved them you wouldn’t be treating them any different then my youngest.
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The 5 year old is their grandchild. The older ones are not. What about doing thing things as a whole family get the older generation to bond with the older kids? Takes all sorts to make a family blood or not.
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Idk I guess I’m different but those are not her grandchildren. You married her son not her. Now if your husband wasn’t interested in your children THEN there would be a problem.
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This is a tough one. I think it’s ok for any child to have 1:1 time with their grandparents every so often. If they are doing something where they can be included like getting ice cream, movies, etc they absolutely should bring the other 2 BUT 3 kids is hard to manage for a lot of people.
Your husband is the one that should be handling this as it’s his parents. I don’t think it will ever be 100% equal but it’s ok to ask it be more balanced.
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Idk here’s the issue. You’ve only been together 2 years. If you split up and she’s attached and those kids are attached she won’t see them again. Now her grandchild will be hers regardless of y’all being in a relationship. I feel bad for the kids and I would be irritated, but it really isn’t wrong of her. If I was her I would love them the same. My mom loves my bonus daughter still and I split with my ex years ago.
Do your children have a grandma on their dads side? Can she take them when the other one goes with his grandma? What does the husband think? Does she treat them good when she is near them? Do they respect her? There’s a whole lot of info we don’t have.
Also, if I have to force someone to spend time with my kids then I don’t want them to spend time with my kids.
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I wouldn’t push my kids somewhere they’re not wanted. They’re better than that. And I feel like your husband should be speaking up
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I’m sorry, But my oldest granddaughter has a younger brother who is not my grandchild. I only get my granddaughter for visitation. The daddy of the brother has parents that spend time with their grandchild. I have 3 grandchildren (2 from my daughter and 1 from my son (the oldest 1)). I am single and it is hard on me to keep 3 by myself…much less add another one to care for.
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If she treats your children that way, you don’t want to try to force the issue. Your children are better off without her and given the way she treats them, she would probably treat them differently even if she DID include them might even be mean to them. You can’t force relationships.
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Situations like this are tough and I’ve been there. My ex inlaws only wanted the oldest (his) and never the 2nd(mine) OR the 3rd,4th or 5th (ours). The 3 we had together are boys and they don’t want anything to do to with them and guess what?!? I never pushed it! Personally. I don’t want someone like that around any of my children. The oldest was his so she went bc its not my place to be salty and say no. My oldest child is not their grandchild, the next 3 are and they still don’t see them but once a month if that and ya’ll… their dad lives across the street from his parents 
.
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They’re not her grandkids technically so she’s just trying to spend time with her grand kid. They have their own grandparents too and I’m sure treat his son differently than your kids.
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You can’t control other’s
I think it would be unfair to force her to have something to do with children that aren’t her grandchildren. Would it be nice if she could include them, sure. I know not all children have grandparents though. My children don’t. My dad died when i was 11 yrs and my mom got dementia at a very young age and doesn’t even remember me. Their fathers parents are passed as well. As long as your husband treats them well that’s all I’d ask for. I have older children from another relationship and they’re not treated 100% thr same. But they don’t ignore them either. Like they get birthday gifts for their nieces ans my older children don’t get anything from them. I don’t expect them too. Especially when I have 6 kids it can be rough.
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Nope, I’d put my foot down make it equal for all kids in the house or don’t do anything for them at all. The kids don’t deserve that treatment or to feel that way.
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Don’t push it. I would stop letting her pick the kid up and she can’t come to the house. Start doing things with your kids and leave her behind
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Got mil like that smfh
I wouldn’t push it. People don’t tend to treat kids well when they’re begrudgingly watching them. It’s also not fair to waltz in and demand this grandparent/grandchild relationship change just because y’all have arrived on the scene. What j would do is let things continue as they are but when she takes that grandchild, I would take my kids to do something equivalent. She takes him on a trip? I take mine on a trip. She takes him to the zoo? I take mine on the museum. The problem probably isn’t even that they want this woman to love them. The problem is probably that the one child is having all these adventures while they’re sitting at home. You can fix that by amping up the fun at home.
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Don’t force her or she will probably take it out on them. Try to plan something with the other kids when she does this. But you can limit the amount of time she does this.
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So sad, that’s hard on kids and I’m sure it harder for you that they are no accepted. When they are rejected you do what you have to do as a mom, I wouldn’t force anyone upon my kids that didn’t wish to have a relationship with them. I understand grandma may have a special bond with the 1 but leaving other out intentionally is cruel. So when the grandma takes the 1 and not the others, you and hubby take the others and do something special with them.
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She needs to include all the children but maybe one on one
Throw the whole grandmother away.
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So you can’t make her , I would do something special with the other kids every time the sibling goes to grandma.
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So sad. Your husband needs to have a talk with them, asap.
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If I am a grandmother, I would include all children. But she might not like you…and it is reflecting on your children.
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These aren’t her grandkids. If you and this guy break up you have the ability to take those children and she would never see them again. Some people’s hearts can’t handle that so they put up a wall before it happens. Why isn’t it possible for your kids to spend time with your family or bio dad’s family when grandma takes his son? Also, 3 kids is a lot for someone to handle, especially an elderly person. I only have 2 and I send them to my mom’s one at a time so she doesn’t get outrun or overwhelmed, so asking her to take on more kids is actually asking for a lot.
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Sorry but this not right you are now Married and that is your family if she can’t accept your children as her own family that’s some irrational and unacceptable behavior
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That will cause great emotional damage to all kids, and it causes the siblings to resent each other. Been through that similarly and my kids have resentment toward each other and the grandparent. (Not different parents, they were both her grandkids but she favored one over the other noticeably)
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When a man wants a relationship with a woman if she has children. They should understand that mom is a package deal when you claim her as your wife you claim them as your children. simple. Maybe your husband should mention this to his mother. If I took them on as my new family than they should be treated as such ., Simple as that
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I would talk to her about it. Say what you mean and don’t say it mean. It might help
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They aren’t her grandkids. They are just a couple kids. Have your kids go to their actual grandparents house instead?
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Not her grandkids yes it’s not fair. But your parents or their bio dad parents take them out that way they don’t feel left out. Or u take them out. Because look at this if there bio dad parents to the other two out but left the other how would that make u or him feel. You can’t have the cake and the pie it’s on Or the other. Or see if ur husband mom would like for all of u go out together it be a good bonding time. It’s would be to much for her with all three even there older.
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ALL the kids need to be included!
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Ur husband should talk to his mom
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It’s a shame. The kids deserve better. However, I have built a relationship with a child when my son was dating a girl for years. When it didn’t work out my heart was broken.
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she should include them! you guys are married , shes being petty. i have 1 grandson from my daughter , butttttt 2 of her friends have babies and thoses babies are always welcome and i watch them.( theyre my bonus gbabies) i HATE women like this. i was with my kids father for 20 yrs we have 4 of our own, and she was like that with my 2nd son. even tho it was her gson, she didnt like him, or include him. you need a granny for your oldest ?? txt me, well go have fun and forget about her. theyll never have a close relationship, kids see all that & there relationship will be so screwed, they dont have to be her bio grandkids for her to be a decent human & include them ALLL.
Honestly I would tell dad to step up and talk with her about it or quit sending oldest alone with her. If she keeps playing favorites it can create an issue between siblings. Or you can take the other two to do special stuff while the one is away since he will get time with grandma and the other 2 won’t.
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When she does something with the one child take the others Todo something fun. Explain to them it’s nothing they have done. Don’t force this woman to take your children. What’s she going to do them or make them feel when your not around? Unfortunately this is how she want the relationship with the kids. And I know it’s sad and wrong. But she doesn’t have to take your older ones. They are technically not her grand babies. Keep your babies safe by not pushing. I’m telling you from experience.
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That’s sad for your kids that’s very hurtful . Do you have other relatives that get yours some . You can’t make them . But the other one is their biological grand child so they may want just it may be afraid to get too close incase y’all don’t stay get her also and want bonding time with their own some . It would be nice if they got them at least some . I also realize it’s be very expensive to have 2 extra every weekend . Hope it get better but yes in case they don’t you do need to explain to your children in a way not to hurt them as much as possible.
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My mother has 4 bio grandkids and 5 bonus (they are her boyfriend of 14 years grandkids) grandkids and she treats them NO different than the bio kids! Everyone is treated equal by her! Its sometimes hard to find people who love our kids unconditionally but you can’t force it, I know from experience from a different matter… If it don’t change with talking then move on and try to explain the best you can to them and let them know they are loved by many and maybe take them to do things while the other is gone.
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I’d say all or nothing and have hubby stand beside you when saying so. They are a part of his family now and should be included as such.
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This does not make sense to me, it is so sad of them to do this. My older 2 kids grandma, treats my youngest son as if he was her grandchild too. We are ALL family or we are not family at all. She didn’t have to take on my youngest as her grandson, but that’s how our family rolls.
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Love is love no matter whose kids. Tell her to go f$ck off! That’s disgusting of her to behave like that. He shouldn’t take his to see her if she’s going to be like that!
I have a child from a previous relationship and if this was happening to my children my in laws wouldn’t get any of the kids until she can be fair. Your responsibility is to your kids not your in laws
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