My in laws do not make time for my kids: Advice?

So I have three kids, one from a previous marriage which is my eldest daughter. She’s 18 yrs old. I also have my two youngest from my current husband. My youngest daughter is five, and my son will be turning one in October. I come from a very small family. There are like three of us. Many have passed away already. So it’s two other family members and me. So, needless to say, I personally have little to NO family support. My husband comes from a very large family with eight kids all together and his parents, nieces, and nephews. My issue is my in-laws show little to NO time to my kids as opposed to his sister’s kids. His sister’s kids are allowed to sleep over. They visit their grandparents on the weekends etc. Whenever my husband’s parents are in town, they make it a point to visit their grandchildren with the exclusion of my kids. How would you ladies handle this type of situation? My 5-year-old has begun to notice and say things.

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My in laws do not make time for my kids: Advice?

Have your husband (their son) ask why they are ignoring HIS children. He should tell them the children and HE are very hurt. Lay it on them.

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You are probably better off.

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We had a similar situation… i have since totally cut the in law out of the picture!

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Their loss is a great attitude to have. I have learned that the hard way with my dad’s family…they have never met my 2yr old son or my 4 month old son…their loss I can’t make them make time for my kids

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Similar situation too, my husband had to talk to his parents they didn’t realize how they were making us feel. I still would like a better relationship and them to be more interested in our kids but they also have 23 and 2 more grandkids on the way so they have alot of family

Same thing happened to me! Stop all contact. You don’t need them. Your kids don’t need them. Kids notice those things to and you shouldn’t put them in that situation. Delete and block them completely out of your lives. Things will get much better.

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You can’t make them have a relationship. Come to terms that it’s their lose and it will get easier. I’m speaking from experience…

I had this issue with my girls (My oldest son, Jordan (who passed last year :broken_heart: at 19) was the 1st born great grand child in the family and the 1st baby born in 14 years. So my Aunt and my grandma favored him over my 2 girls. I had both of them go and talk to them (with me present) and had them explain how they felt to THEM. The favoritism didn’t exactly END, but they both started accepting them and doing more with them and ended up with an AMAZING relationship with both of them. I didn’t know what else to do, except let my 4 and 5 year old daughters tell them how they felt. With tears in all 3 of our eyes.
I am not saying it will work, but since I lost my son, I know its important to have those connections. If they can’t change after the children have talked to them, then definitely let the toxic individuals go. If thier grandbabies can’t open their eyes to see what they are doing to them, they don’t need grandparents like that in thier lives 🤷

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Dump them. They are toxic. Been there, done that. The question shouldn’t be WHY aren’t they spending time with your kids. It should be…screw them for not spending time with your kids. Yout kids don’t need family like that in their life. It will bring on more generational trauma. It’s THEIR loss. Not yours. Dump them.

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Don’t force the issue it’s their loss

Cut them off completely

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has your husband talked to his folks

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That doesn’t sound like a you problem. That sounds like a husband problem. He needs to address that with his parents. After all these ppl raised your husband so your husband knows them better than you.

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You shouldnt have to force a relationship, especially with kids. Its Grandparents loss, their regret later on.

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If u push it on them they will do it just to shut him up not cause they want to. That would irk me so I wouldn’t let my kids deal with them anyway.

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My mother in law has nothing to do with my 3 daughters. 2 from a previous marriage. Youngest is her son’s only biological child. She only used the youngest as an excuse to take leave from work when she was born. She spent 5 months in the hospital. Mil got people to donate vacation days to her to spend time at the hospital only she never came to visit after the day she was born. Had us send her pictures from the hospital. Apparently to prove she was there and get more time off

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I am a grandparent and my grandchildren are the most important thing to me in my whole entire life! Grandparents are the most important thing to grandkids also! If they suck, let them suck! It’s going to be their loss in the end. Give your children more love to make up for what they’re losing over there! And every single doctor or therapist will tell you the same thing. Be honest with your children when problems arise or when questions are asked. Keep the answers true but on their level. Hopefully those sorry excuse for grandparents will see this and if they do I hope they know that they suck big time! And I don’t have one problem being a grandparent to your kids :grin::relaxed: if you’re in Texas close to me we can make that happen lol!! FYI my daughter has the same issues with her in-laws. Same exact! And we told her she could suck it! No need to post that on her for us love is a love we all can do without.

I’d walk away from them nope ain’t treating my kids bad I have no one except my kids and my husband’s family where we live so I understand

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Move on. They dont care obv. Why should your beautiful babies. Respect and love goes both ways. Show them young so they arent hurt/shocked in the real world.

How does your child know the grandparents are visiting the other children? Just don’t talk about it in front of the kids… you can’t make them want to. Is it right? No! but there’s not much you can do if your husband doesn’t want to speak up.

Like myself i don’t allow them to see my children if they made no effort all this time

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The way I look at it is this; if they want to be in my child’s life then they have to be in her life and showing her the love, care and respect she deserves. If they don’t bother or try to only call on special holidays I don’t even bother or waste my time. You can’t force people to be in your kids lives but you can stop them from having a negative impact on your child.

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I’m going to play devil’s advocate here. Are you welcoming to them? My mom had this problem. My son was her “favorite” so to speak. I’m sure my siblings told others that she ignored their kids. The truth of the matter is that my child & I were the ones always around her. We helped her & appreciated her. My siblings took her for granted. She finally said “it’s a two way street”. She stopped doing all the work in the relationship. I feel that’s what happens a lot here. You see that she takes the other grandkids out & do things but do the parents help out the grands? Are they more respectful & more welcoming to the grandparents? Do the kids behave better than yours? That’s another thing. Grandparents want to enjoy their grandkids. They don’t want to spend their time disciplining or following a bunch of rules.

Your husband should talk to his parents. Find out why they don’t spend time with your children. Don’t assume they’re doing it to be hurtful.

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No matter what you do they are never going to change. Your husband needs to say something but it probably won’t make a difference. They are the ones missing out. It definitely sucks but you can only do so much.

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Don’t force relationships with family n ur kids… they doh want to then fine. Blood don’t mean a thing nowadays… build ur family… be der for ur kids… give them all the attention they need… when I say build ur family . U may hv a close friend that treats ur child well… build on dat… don’t hurt ur head over ppl that don’t add value to ur life or push ur kids aside.

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Your job is to teach your children how to function and thrive as adults someday, lesson one, dont pine for the attention of people who dont deserve your’s, show them how you deal with situations like this, dignity and independence, not resentment or co-dependence

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Don’t stress. Let it go. Maybe it’s for the better. :woman_shrugging:t2:

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Sorry to be the bearer of bad news…
Its not their responsibility to have them over, they choose which one they like n prefer to come over. You cant force them to have ur kids over nor compare them with his sisters kids.
I learned the hard way that we arent Granny’s favorites as compared to my Aunt’s kids
And my kids arent treated same as my cousins kids. Thats how it is n sooner u accept it, the better.

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I’m in a similar situation and it sucks.Kids do notice and it’s hurtful to them because they don’t understand why.Its horrible when family play favorites.I brought it up and all they did was say I’m selfish and that I’m crazy pretty much. Unfortunately you can’t for it but you can put your foot down and bring it up and say if they can’t treat your children right then stay away completely.If they don’t change ignore them as much as possible and don’t bring them up around your kids.Its thier loss and it’s better for no contact then them to have some and your kids seeing what’s going on still.Thats not what family is supposed to do but people are ass holes and just don’t care.Im sorry this is going on its a horrible feeling knowing this is going on and it makes your kids sad.

I don’t have an answer. My in-laws always favorite my husband’s younger brothers family. Our children were born first and my brother-in-law daughter last but they always favorite the younger brother and his family. The sister-in-law never came to any family functions. I finally gave up trying to win them over.

Tell them it’s all or nothing we are a package deal

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happens my grandmother favoured her sons children over us always stayed with us a week then his about 2 months this was 60 years ago just accepted it.

Make a good faith effort and reach out to them to see if you can solve this. Lots of conversations and questions, maybe time with a family counselor with or without them.

If nothing changes, oh well, make a family of people who love you. I grew up with a very small family with no cousins and only one distant uncle, but a ton of “aunts” and “uncles” who were no actual relation to me. It was wonderful and I was blessed.

My friend has a lot of grandchildren and three have adopted me as their “Grammy Pammy.” I love it! I hope one day my two kids will give me bio grandbabies, and I will adore them also. My kids likewise were blessed with many wonderful people in their lives. We used to explain that we were “related by love, not blood.”

Make a good faith effort to bring your relatives into your kids’ lives, but if they won’t change, there’s no use beating a dead horse.

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My mother in law is the same way with my younger son. He’s 7 and ever since he was about 4 or 5 he’s been asking why grammie doesn’t love him or like it when he goes to her house. I told him after about the 5th time he said something to tell her how he felt himself because when myself or my husband would say something it wouldn’t change anything. She will take him once in a while now, she doesn’t keep him as long as she does his older brother, but he gets home sick easier.

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My in laws do not make time for my kids: Advice?

Confront his parents! Your all adults!

Pick up the phone and set up get togethers and sleep-overs yourself??

How long have you guys been together ?

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My in laws do not make time for my kids: Advice?

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You cannot make people want to be part of your child’s life.
You probably don’t want your kids to spend time with people who would not have taken time had you not forced the issue.

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I had family like this. It’s a blessing and a curse. Bad because it shouldn’t be like that and causes ill feelings. Good because you wouldn’t want those kind of people around your kids anyway. If they feel like that, at least they are keeping their distance instead of keeping them and being mean to them or being on-again off-again with them

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I go through something similar. I’m not married to him though. We don’t get along and I do not like his family as they don’t like me either but they take it out on my kids. I just live life as if they don’t exist. My kids are not missing out on people who don’t care about them. The support we do get, we cherish.

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My mom hasn’t met my son, her only grandchild, who’s one and she lives two small states away. Doesn’t reach out to see how he’s doing, nothing. My in laws live across the country and have spent thousands altogether in flights, gifts, throwing him his first birthday party etc.
Don’t try to force anyone to have a relationship with your kids. It’s a hard pill to swallow because why wouldn’t family want to love and spend time with your precious babies… it took me a while to come to peace with that. But Truth is people just suck and it’s better they don’t come around showing fake love anyway.
Just continue being amazing parents to your babies. They can’t miss who they never knew

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Don’t chase down people & force them to be a part of the kids’ lives. That’s worse than them not being involved. They are the ones missing out. I dealt with this with the ex in laws. They’ve done nothing for my kids at all. The kids will grow up to know who loved & was there for them.

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Unfortunately you can’t force a relationship, so there’s nothing to say. Yes, it’s sad that your children take notice, but just be open when they ask questions and be honest telling them you really don’t know why they aren’t involved with your family, that it would be nice if it were different, but it’s not.
Get friendly with some elderly neighbors who would appreciate your families company and inclusion in things.
When my Grandfather was alone and didn’t have family to visit him often, a neighbor family grew very close to him and he became like their Grandpa and spent a lot of time with them. It benefitted them AND him. Maybe something like that? Or just keep enjoying your family for what it is, and don’t focus on what it’s not. Sad for your kids, but many people are in the same situation unfortunately.

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Personally, I wouldn’t force it. I’m not begging anyone to spend time with any of my kids. It’s their loss not mine. That being said, the moment my kid notices/ mentions said differences, that’s the moment I cut them completely out of our lives. I’ve already cut ties with my own mother, so I have no problem cutting people out. :tipping_hand_woman:t4:

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Wow do we live the same life? I’ve found that the issue is my in laws and their son (my husband) have a rocky relationship. It sucks for the kids, but at least the family and friends that are around my boys the most love them more than anything :heart::heart::heart:

My advice is don’t force it. Yes it sucks for your kids but on the other hand maybe it’s a blessing. Kids are smart. They know who loves them and who has their back and who doesn’t. When your kids ask why they aren’t there, you can say “ im not sure” or say maybe they have some stuff going on that they are having a hard time with. I’ve been in your shoes. It will get better and as your kids get older they will understand better but for now focus on being an awesome mom to them and making memories with them. It’s the grandparents loss!

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I would have hubby talk with them and mention the fact that the children are noticing the difference. Kids don’t deserve to feel like this.

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If they can’t see your kids for what they are, blessings ! Don’t force it. I know it hurt especially when the kids notice but they deserve more. As a mother I could never see me favoring either one of them nor their kids (when they have them). Cut ties that is not family tbh.

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My mother had 10 children, because of her “personality” she didn’t know her grandchildren never ever met her great grandchildren and passed away alone. No one attended her prepaid funeral and someone changed her coffin for a pine box. What you are in life you end up in death.

I dont think you can force relationships. So there is little you can actually do to change what’s occurring.

Often you’ll find that when one is close to their child they are therefore closer to those particular grandchildren. Its entirely possible that their daughter is closer to them, more reliant on them & maybe even brings her kids up in a way that the grandparents feel comfortable in spending extra time with them. Possibly its just easy & natural. Whereas you being an inlaw & already an experienced parent, they almost don’t feel they can or should be as involved. And a habit has formed.

I know I’d certainly feel more comfortable telling my mum that I miss her home cooking, that the kids want to visit & ask her if she’d like to grab a coffee so we can chat - whereas with my inlaws I’d wait to be invited.

My suggestion is to build your relationship with them as a family. Host things yourself, suggest meet-ups, ask if you can visit & at the same time so that the cousins can bond etc

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My father’s mother was like that. Her youngest son and his family were her world. Her other 3 children and their families she had no time for. I kno my father did not speak to his mother for the last 10 yrs of her life. And now it’s just him and his half brother left out of her 4 children. And luckily my father and his brother have a good relationship

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My parents see my son more than they do my neices and nephews but we live 5 minutes from them and when my son decides it’s been to long since he’s seen then he calls and yells at his poppi and demands that he comes and gets him. Most of the time he does unless it’s to late. When my son was about two he went through a phase where he cried almost daily because he missed them so now they come and get him once a week. Now if my brother lived close I’m sure they’d do the same for his kids if they wanted but they live an hour away so weekday visits are hard. Maybe they don’t want to force your kids to have a relationship with them? I would ask questions and bring it to their attention before getting offended or cutting them out. There are many reasons that could be causing their behavior. If you’re not close with your in-laws have your husband say something.

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I wouldn’t let them around them. I’m not begging anyone to see my kids and if they aren’t gonna treat them right they don’t need to be in their life.

My moms mom had like 12 kids. Huge family cause my aunts had big families. I know like 7 cousins and we aren’t close at all they’re in a different state.

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Just the opposite for me. I go to see my youngest daughter’s children, I’m there 5 minutes, they have to go do this, go do that. I travel 230 miles one way to see them. In 5 days may get an hour with them. They never get to stay with me. Always go to his mother’s house. Spend time with just her. I’m not allowed because of him.

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My MIL is what I call a Facebook Grandma. She only posts pictures of my kids, and usually the pictures are a year or more older, to make herself look like an amazing, attentive Grandma. She sees the kids maybe once every 6 months for a holiday. She always promises my daughter sleepovers and Grandma/A days, but never follows through. Honestly, cut the toxic out! If they don’t want to put in an effort, then it’s their loss. Family is way more than blood.

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The common cause could be because they don’t like you…maybe they also don’t like the fact that you were once married and already had a kid from that marriage…

Also…they may not have a close relationship with your husband either…

Although people don’t want to admit that they choose favorites…it is done…quite often too…

The more important thing is that you both have time for your kids and take care of them and have a relationship with then…dont bother …showing that you do could cause more of a stir and result in something far more uncomfortable

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Do even a better job being mom, don’t get mad or hurt, its thier lose and your kids will see it for themselves. Let them speak thier feelings as long as they aren’t speaking your feelings …there will be great people come into thier lives, teachers, coaches and church family. Might be the best for your kids not to spend time with them. Seems they are negative people. Hope you really pray and see its ok

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I personally have this happen with my blood grandparent. She lives in Indiana, she moved yearssss ago and she comes to my town and visits everyone else, except my brother and I. It’s been happening for 6+ years now. My brother is now almost 13 and I am 21 and now I have grown to realize it doesn’t matter cuz if she wanted to be more involved she would. She’s in town ALLLL the time and we never know. You could try to say something but if someone doesn’t see a problem with their actions they prolly never will see it clearly. My dad cared for a while cuz it’s his mom, but now he has more of a “ she did this to herself “ attitude now. Those who want to be there, WILL BE THERE.

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I’m kind of in the same situation. I’m the grandmother.
In my defense…my son nor the child’s Mom have done a lot in forging a relationship.
That being said, see if you & your hubby can share your concerns WITHOUT accusing them of showing favoritism.
Remember…those are YOUR kids. Grandparents are NOT obligated!!!
My son always tells me I didn’t learn ANYTHING from my grandmother…jokingly of course.
Praying you guys come to a common ground. Family is important.

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Is there any other relevant information? Do you get along with his parents? Have you guys always lived just as close as his sister?

I used to feel sad when I was little because my grandparents were closer with my cousins than with me. They took my cousins on out of state trips, and invited them to visit more frequently. They had pet names for each other and seemed more relaxed around each other.

But we had lived in Germany for 3 years when my dad was stationed there. So my grandparents had spent lots of time around my cousins during that time, and not seen me at all.

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My dad’s side of the family has always chosen my brother. When my dad died they acted like I didn’t even exist. Now they act like they care about me and want me to come see them when I go to Michigan. They never made an effort for me as a child so why would i care now that I’m grown. I have absolutely no bond with anybody on that side. I grew up to know what I know now.

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Help foster the relationship
Go to the park and invite them ,
Go grab stuff for picnic with the kiddos and invite them
Call them once or twice a week or face time , have them kiddos draw pictures and mail it
To them at least once a month,
Don’t let satan tear your family apart
As long as you do your part to foster the relationship between the kids and your in laws their grand parents they will grow up to thank you
The Bible says blessed is a peace maker
So go and make peace in your family and watch God bless you

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Honestly my kids get treated the same and it’s heartbreaking but kids do notice and they do realise who are in The lives & who isn’t at the end of the day it’s the in-laws loss

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I have dealt with this and we cut them off. I have never felt better. It was a blessing :raised_hands:

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I just stopped trying and use that precious time to do fun family things with them. Them not making time to be in there life’s is on them. I’m honest with my kids, saying…. You can’t choose your family , your family will not define you… you are amazing …, strong… beautiful and can be the best person you know to be!

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Have you talked with your husband about this? He should talk to them if you’re not comfortable and point out the discrepancy… if you are close with them both of you should talk to them together… calmly… with no accusatory statements like “you don’t” “you make us/the kids feel”… instead start sentences with words like “I feel” or “the kids feel”… if they don’t respond properly and make changes, I personally wouldn’t attempt to initiate further contact… good luck!!!

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Teach them to spend time with people who genuinely care about them. Family does not have to be blood.

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That’s sad, and unfortunate for the kids, but I know this all too well. Let the kids sat what they feel about it…you could make a point to say something to them…or just let it be.

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Do you actively ask them around for a meal or afternoon tea, call them regularly and make them feel invited and wanted also? My hubby not the best at communicating as well with his mum but I do, and so took control when kids were smaller. I try and make them feel welcome while he may not be as forward. With my own mum it just came naturally but someone once said to me that when it was their daughter in law they didn’t want to push boundaries so stepped back a bit. It made me stop and think.
If you have really tried both yourself and husband and they are still not interested I’m sorry there’s not alot you can do but I would definitely let them know.

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I went through this same thing. Mine are 18, 16 & 12. It’s horrible to deal with especially on holidays when you visit and your kids didn’t get presents while the others get literally thousands spent on them. My advice is just let them be who they are. You can’t change it. Mine loved them tremendously but never got to spend the night with the exception of once when I was having my youngest but their dad stayed with them or It would’ve never been allowed. Mine eventually figured out on their own that they weren’t considered family even though they are. They couldn’t care less now. Their grandfather is still alive and they have no desire to see him or even talk to him. They love him but he/they chose to not have a bond with my kids and now he’s a miserable old drunk. None of his grandchildren have anything to do with him. You can’t force them to care about their grandchildren but they’ll regret it someday when those kids grow up and have no interest in them what so ever.

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I have seen this also my own mother has never had anything really to do with my kids .lt hurt me and then when they realized it hurt them .l consider it a blessing that my kids are not around her now .l never really knew my mom l was raised mostly by my grandmother. Now l see her for the person she really is .lm glad my children were around her .They are better off ,loving and kind .If she doesn’t come around or share her love .Then it’s her loss .She loses out on knowing your presious children .Don’t force it sometimes they are only kind to some of the grandchildren .Maybe ask your husband to mention something .The problem is with them it’s there bad !

How does your husband feel about this? If they are this way, maybe they would not be a good influence for your children? They sound hateful to me. If they are resentful of contact with your children, that would be even more hurtful. My hubby moved me from Arkansas to Oregon in 1985 because of his family issues. :sob::pray::smiling_face_with_three_hearts: He married me and my two boys and he had no children. He was a father to them. I worked so bo one could call me a gold digger (not that he had any gold). :sob::smiling_face_with_three_hearts::pray::pray::pray::heart: i hope this fan can work things out.

I have had this situation too. I was honest with my kids about them. It was a falling out between my dad (and his wife) and I. I explained when the kids asked why the other grandkids saw them, vacationed with them. I didn’t force a relationship between them. I barely had a relationship with them. My kids see it now and hear about them from the cousins. My kids don’t feel they missed out. The grandparents are the adults…the children should not be put in harms way to make adults feel better.

Be honest with kids, too many lie and make excuses… your kids are loved and looked after .

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My outlaws did the same to my kids. They drove past our house every Sunday to go to church & never once stopped by.
No sleepovers. The 1st time my daughter asked if she could stay as her cousins were staying that night & had stayed PLENTY before & she said NO. My kids have nothing to do with them as they never made an effort. Neither did their father unfortunately…

It is very sad how grown adults can make kids feels especially family…
Needless to say full ur husband in on the situation on how ur 5 year old a child is already noticing an saying things it is hurtful to know how ur child is hurting an the emotions this child is having…
Your kids will grow up to know who was there for them an who showed love to them …
Dont depend on Family to show ur kids love an attention those kind of waiting does not come …
It is sad indeed but
U be everything to your kids an always be there an love an support them that way they wont miss anyone elses absent love …
U be the world of Love for your kids…
Things like this make children wants to stay away from those particular adults who shows no love or caring towards kids…

Have a open adult conversation with them . Address your concerns and also are the kids well behaved ? Not that it would justify it but In some situations it can drive a wedge if kids aren’t well behaved and the parents do nothing about it…we can’t just go off a fb post but can pray it gets better :heart:

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This is shameful. I’m a granny of 9 and gigi of 3 and there is nothing better then grandbabies… I am so sorry…I would go with find a coupl older neighbors I wish you luck hun I’m truly sorry

Their loss! My mother in law was, and is, still to this day, the same way with my kids and grandkids. She’s never even met some of my grandkids, which are her greats. Her loss!

Unfortunately this happens and is extremely upsetting for the kids and families left out. Often too those kids who have the attention then don’t return it when adults. The grandparents may learn those they left out are those there for them then. Personally, encourage interaction but often no use fighting for it or may lose all connection

I wouldn’t force that… I have in laws and family who rarely see my child. He is only 2 and HE lets them know about that shit. He pushes them away if they try to get close, and he fusses if they try to interact with him. He makes it perfectly clear that he doesn’t know them like that. 🤷

Don’t let it bother you, you’re kids will know who loves them and who doesn’t. When I left my husband he stopped all contact with our children and apparently so did his family. They only live in the next town over like 20 minutes away. They don’t ask about them, not how are they doing, can they see them nothing. Don’t wish them happy birthday nothing. The kids won’t miss what they don’t know :woman_shrugging:

I cut mine off along with my siblings my daughter doesn’t need half asses in her life she knows who is there for her :woman_shrugging:

I’d let it go can’t force someone to do something they don’t want to do. Or talk to her and see if this is her intention or a misunderstanding

Never force people that do not wish t see your kids too they will know who is there for them and who isnt

I wouldn’t force any relationship on them. I know you want more family members, if they genuinely have interests they’ll come and visit and call if not then just leave them alone. I don’t think it’s anyone fault just some people don’t vibe with others even when it’s family or extended family.

My in laws are like this too. My daughter even had thyroid cancer and they couldn’t give a care. My father in law came to my oldest son’s birthday party late and left early to take sil daughter to a baseball game. On my son’s birthday. I have 4 kids. Three of them are very involved in the Jrotc. They love the family that the military gives. Even the Junior military. I know at least two will enlist. I have one family member. My 88 year old Gramma. She steps up a lot. Like I said she’s 88. So she won’t always be around. My daughter has never even celebrated a birthday with my in laws. She’s 13. She actually had to be introduced to my mil at the age of 7. I encourage my kids to do volunteer work. Which they love. I’m still figuring it out but I’m trying to build a good support network for my kids. Oh my in laws wouldn’t watch my older kids so my husband could be with me to have my daughter. I did a 25 hour labor with c section by myself. So in the end my in laws not being present. Is a gift. I’m sure it’s like that for you too. Not your job to make them better grandparents

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Say fuck em my in laws mostly my mom in law has no interest in my kids like we go over there but she’s a total cunt to them so me personally fuck em if they don’t wanna make time and be like that they’re toxic family if your kid asks questions just say oh they are busy so maybe not today or something but you don’t need toxic people like that I’m working on cutting out more toxics out my life so that’s honestly all I have

My 6,4,3 year olds have only seen their grandparents (on their dads side) about 3 times in their entire life and they only live 2.5 hour drive away they didn’t even come to our youngest ones funeral a year ago.

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Sounds like narcissistic abuse. It’s best to cut them completely out than let your husband or children live another minute made to intentionally feel second class or less than.

Id be out of their in a flash. Singling out children is disgusting. His family know better than not to do that. There’s no if’s or but’s about it.

The grandmother of my 2 youngest children, now adults, never acknowledged them as her grandchildren, not even a card on their birthdays, nothing! But when it came to her daughter’s child, whole different story. Personally, I really didn’t even care as I thought it was her lost not theirs.

:sob::sob::sob: I hate this my mom is the same with mines and they’re the ONLY grandkids :weary: I just say fuck it their loss :woman_shrugging:

Tell your husband we’re cutting them out completely or he needs to Flat out ask them what their deal is with you present.

I can totally relate and this sucks for the kids it’s hard to see it happen but I agree do not force it just explain “they will come around when they want to”… my daughters grandparents live like an hour away we even see them In The store and out & about and they just pretend they don’t know them it’s super sad but you can make people change. If they don’t care to see the kids then they do not really care at all.

Not to this extreme but a very similar situation here too … we do get help for a rare date night or once a year overnight trip out of town, but my SIL’s kids spend 10x more time with grandma. Grandpa has pretty much no interest in any grandkids.
I guess it’s normal, if my mom was here instead of in another country she’d be spending a lot more time with grandkids too.