My in laws do not make time for my kids: Advice?

I deal with the exact same situation and it won’t change has been 10 years and I still deal with it and have said things numerous times

1 Like

Have your husband talk to his parents and tell him not to say it’s you tell him to say that his kids notice the difference made

My ex MIL has been similar. Try not to worry about it, it’s their loss. On the flip side they will Ave more than enough from you xx

So…respectfully… Your in laws can go fly a kite. Your kids don’t need them. :woman_shrugging:


Kids will remember who made time for them &who didn’t

I’d be curious if your husband has any insight as to why? It’s his family and it’s not like they’re just “not little kid people”, obviously, as they see their other grandkids. It’s just your kids they don’t see so they obviously have beef with you or your husband.

Or… without being aware of it, is it possible you make it hard for them to be more involved because you’re too uptight and you micro manage everything? We have one like that in our family. I love my sister in law dearly but god damn, she makes it sooo hard to want to babysit her kids. She gives you the whole run down, including what they can eat and when, what they wear and when, what they can play with and when, and drills me about everything after. I have have 4 older kids so I obviously know how to watch two boys for a few hours… lol
But… she’s a new-ish mom and has a controlling, overbearing, tense personality. It’s tough. My other sister, on the other hand, doesn’t give a hoot what I do with her kid. She’s just grateful for the help and trusts me.
I’m not saying this is why… just wondering if maybe it could be? :woman_shrugging:


Walk away. They never will be in your family


Tell her you miss them and want to hangout?

Do they really need people like that anyway?

Been there, done that. Same situation
Cut them off ! Your kids don’t need people in their lives that make them feel like they aren’t worth it. REGARDLESS OF WHO THEY ARE.
Everyone talks about dead beat parents but no one talks about dead beat grandparents.
I had this happen to me as a child too, I grew up resenting my dads side of the family, when my dads mother died this year, I had no emotion… my mum told me and I just responded with “ok”

Grandparents are not entitled .

KIDS NOTICE - You know what my 4 year old says “I don’t like nanny because she doesn’t come to visit me”


N the same boat and I handle it by keeping to myself. If people dont like me or my kids then I dont go around them. I know who has been ugly to my child behind my back and never created a bond with her.


Husband needs to talk to his mom.

I by choice of my husband did not talk to his mother for two full years. Same situation

1 Like

Take this feeling and be the best MIL, Grandma that you can be :heart:

I wish I had a better answer but my dad passed away when I was 14, my mom has been mostly out of my life, my husbands parents were divorced when we had children and neither side has ever taken any of our children anywhere to spend time


Make a family get together happen. invite the to your home

All you can do is try to address the issue, been here myself and it makes me sick to my stomach but nothing changes.

Your babies will be fine. They have you and their dad. It’s really your in laws who are missing out. Their loss.

I personally spoke up & from that point on my kid was included

1 Like

Literally that’s one of the biggest reasons me and my ex husband are split up. His parents played favorites and he never grew the balls to say shit to them. I am just gonna let me children see for themselves when they get old enough how vile and toxic his family is. I’ll also kinda point stuff out.

Literally we lived 10 minutes away from them for 2 years. Hardly saw my kid. But drove over an hour every Saturday to go watch his niece ride. It’s so bad. And they don’t even try and hide it. It breaks my heart for my kids. I’d would bring it to his attention and ask him to say something.

As if Madea would say “let them go”.

That’s sad when the kids start to say things. Clearly it’s a problem when a 5 year old can see it they obviously know what they’re doing and someone needs to say something. I would express how you feel and allow your children to do the same

I’ve never met my daughter’s dad’s family.

How old are the kids

I wouldn’t let them near my child!

I wouldn’t bother and as much as it upsets you all your better off away from them. Problem is it’s their daughter so can come and go but your not so may not Have that closeness with your husband. It’s shit when kids notice it as my kids are the same and as sad as it is they are used to it now so don’t bother asking to see them etc. I would just make things fun, loving and happy for you, your children and partner x

Me too my 5 daughter notices the differences now and I’m not gonna let her beg for love. I’m gonna create the distance because it’s just the same shit new generation. I cannot enable that sort of triangulation trauma

I would straight up ask them why they favor the other kids and make time for those kids but not for yours? Maybe they have a reason or maybe they don’t even realize that they do that.

It is what it is !!!
You love your kids and your children know you love them

I’d just live with it. Their loss.

Mine were like that…I cut off contact.

Does your husband have a close relationship with his parents?
My mom and dad were extremely close to my children vs my brother’s children because I was so close with my parents.
Maybe they don’t feel welcomed or wanted by you guys.
Talk to them and express how their involvement in your and your children’s lives would matter a great deal.
Sometimes there can be a simple misunderstanding and it can all be resolved by being open and honest.

1 Like

I mean I’m sorry you guys are stressing over this but just because someone is blood related doesn’t make them your family and I would try to focus my child’s attention elsewhere and not harp on it because really what can you do force someone to be there ….that’s awful on both ends

That’s just not right in my opinion. All grandkids should be included and effort should always be made, even the step grandkids. This is cruel and unfair on your children and I think your husband needs to start asking why.

How has your five year old become to notice if they don’t make time for them? Could she maybe have heard something y’all said? You can’t force people especially family to spend time with others you just can’t. You just have to let it go.

My ex husband’s family did this with our kids. His sisters kids would spend entire weekends at their house but it was like pulling teeth to ask if she could watch our kids for even just a few hours. My mom played favorites with my kids so after a quick conversation about it, we cut them all off and moved 3k miles away. Best decision I’ve ever made.
His parents are wealthy and fully retired. In 8 years just his mom has flown out one time to see the grandkids.

1 Like

Id probably cut them off and get use to being a family with my kids. I wouldn’t need others as long as I had my kids. Family is what you make it not what you’re biologically or legally stuck with.

Have you asked them what is the issue ?

They don’t have to make them for your kids! Those are your kids
Make time for them and love them
Fuck everybody else

1 Like

Let your 5yo say something to them :woman_shrugging:

Sounds like narcs. Playing Favorites,
Remember Chris watts parents didn’t care for his kids. This is a red flag. ,just be glad you know. Carry on.

1 Like

It will stress you out if you worry or try to force it. I know it’s hard because it hurts our kids. I would try talking to her first to let her know how it is affecting your children, and if she doesn’t care, move on. That woman isn’t worth knowing you guys. :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

My family is big but my inner circle of family is small. My dad recently passed away and now my mom is in the hospital and it’s not looking good. My own brother is a selfish jackass. My ex and his family are pretty non existent unless it’s convenient for him. My ex’s mom is never around or calls. She showed up to her birthday in all of 6 years, took pictures and went on. She’s fake Facebook and we do not get along. That lady plays favorites and because she hates me, my daughter gets treated poorly. My grandmother did this to me and my brother because we had different dads and she hated mine, so I don’t play when it comes to that. Quite a long story but she’s a trash human being. So don’t take my advice because I hate that woman :joy: I let her know I how I felt but she never said anything to my face, just behind my back. I tried to be civil and send pictures or updates with no interest from her, so I quit :woman_shrugging:t2: It’s not my place to make a relationship for these people even though I’ve offered and I’ve initiated it, but I realized I can’t make anyone do it. It just stressed me out so bad and they do it to hurt me for whatever reason. It only hurts my daughter but I see they don’t care because to them it’s my fault. I try to not worry about it but sometimes they piss me off. I know I ket them win when I do get mad so I try so hard to just move on from it. If they want to know her then they can make a move. I know they wont. I have to just move on. I wish you all the luck with this. I’ve been there and I know first hand. She will miss out on those kids. Let her. You can give them all the love they need. :purple_heart::blue_heart:

Seems like maybe there is more to the story’s

Tracy Gabrielle Lopez Pajes bayda💁

Give them an altimatum.

I sympathize with you. My children only have my parents. My parents only care about my youngest brothers three kids. My children have known from a very young age that my parents were alive and don’t care for them. It sucks and I wouldn’t wish this pain on anyone

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum.

Your kids are still a little young maybe they don’t feel like they can handle the littler ones. What’s the ages of the other children? Talk to the hubby about ways you can bring them closer to the grandparents. The 18 year old probably doesn’t care


In-laws are missing out. I know it’s easier said than done but try not to let it bother you. Discuss with your husband. He should really be the one to say something about it to his parents/sister.


My fiancé’s mom is like this. My two boys are not his by blood and she could really care less about them but his older brother’s girlfriends kids she’s all for seeing them and doing stuff with them. I’m now 21 weeks preggers with our first and I honestly don’t know if I want her around because I don’t want her to treat the boys any different then the baby. No it’s not fair to the kids and they never understand but they all have their favorites. Even my grandparents were that way when I was growing up


Honestly I don’t let it bother me. You can’t force people to be in your life our your child’s life. At the end of the day his parents are missing out on their grandkids and that’s THEIR problem not YOURS. I would just make sure to plan extra fun things with them, since they don’t get that close grandparent bond like the other kids do.


I 've the 100% complete total different story from you. My MIL was completely 100% on board. My daughter (which is not her grandaughter biologically) has always called her granny. They are not blood related but no one would know. She loves her like her own!


I’m going through the same thing here. Except I’m grandma and I have trued I cutting people to different things and I get told no. They they say I’m allianating the family. Her family literally live on same property and do nothing to so any effort to see her. I finally gave up on it

1 Like

This is exactly how I feel about my kids’s dads mom. She is always checking on my baby daddy’s sister’s kids and even my baby daddies other child with his first baby moms. She doesn’t like me so I feel like she treats my kids different

1 Like

I would simply bring that up to your husband, if he hasn’t noticed. Then after having a talk with him and hoping he talks with his parents about it and if still keeps happening just simply stay away from in laws because your kids and you did nothing wrong. Save yourself from drama and love your kids because like you said your 5yr old noticed and later will understand that you did nothing wrong. It hurts but don’t let it bother you as long as y’all have each other and know that it’s all that matters. Sending hugs :yellow_heart:


Your husband should ask them why they exclude yalls kids in all events n even visits. Just be truthful. They don’t seem to hurt your feeling the kids feelings or their poor Sons feelings.


In the Same boat… I’ve been with my partner 18 yrs he is one of four boys.

We have four kids, Our eldest is 10 and his grandmother and uncles drive 45mins to see my partners older brother that lives in our town… they actually pass our house to get there :sweat_smile: when we first started our family it bothered me a lot! But now I just ignore it. There loss I say and it means we only have to see them once a year :grin:


That’s where y’all are wrong because it’s not just the in laws missing out it’s the kids to getting to have what every child should have memories with their grandparents. :sleepy:


I’ve seen this before all, because they didnt care for one of the parents so it’s like they take it out on the kids. Yet I seen it just from favoritism smh none of it is okay because the kids dont understand. I’ve also seen it all because they don’t like how the kids act or behave. Smh. Sad for the kids.


I am glad that grandparents do so when they are ready, and I will never cut them out.

Talk to your husband about it. It is important to note that it will in time. You cannot rush this type of thing.

Sadly it was parents that did this to my son. I live 3 1/2 hours from them. My moms sister leave 20 minutes from me. I used to make trips every two weeks until I found out the came up here till visit my moms sister for almost a week and never attempted to see my little man. I cut them out of his life. My son will never feel like he isn’t good enough for anyone. Sorry you have to deal with this. Just remember its their loss.


I would have me a talk with her

Ignore those nincompoops as grandparents

I wouldn’t say a word. I wouldn’t force anyone to spend time with my child. Their loss!!! My mom is the same way & I hold so much anger towards her about it

I deal with the same thing. My nephew gets all of the attention from my family and my daughter doesn’t get anything. Literally nothing. Not even a text or a phone call. I’ll tell you what I’m going to do. Im going to cut them all off and remove them from my life completely and they simply won’t see my daughter at all period, there loss!


Their loss. You can only control your own actions. Worrying about what others do only causes unnecessary stress. It stinks, but some people stink. My kids barely know their family outside our own home.


Maybe you need to invite them or include them
Parents don’t know a young families schedule so inviting them helps and causes less tension.

1 Like

I wouldn’t worry about it. When they get older they will see who was there and who wasnt. My daughter isnt blood and my dad hardly knows her. :woman_shrugging::woman_shrugging: oh well its his lost because she is amazing. My mom treats her as she is mine and she calls her mawmaw jodi. Just dont talk about it anymore. I think your kids are better off without them!!!


Mine are now 13&15. It’s always been like that with his side for my children. It used to be very hurtful. We cut of trying a few year’s ago. It’s been the best decision we made for our children. We have a few wonderful friends that treat our kids like family. It takes time to make piece with the decision in all honestly. But no longer seeing the disappointment on my kid’s face or hurt in my husband’s eyes have made it worth it. Good luck


Are you doing anything to encourage the relationship? Do you invite them over often? Do you ask if you can bring them anything, help them out, things like that? If you’ve put in a serious effort, and you get no where, then I would find a support system and ‘family’ elsewhere

1 Like

Don’t ever try to force anyone to be part of your children’s lives, your kids deserve better than people who have to be begged or forced.


I don’t have an answer either, mine are exactly the same. I feel bad for my kids.

1 Like

I tell mine the truth. If they wanted to see you they would. My in laws have made it clear they dont like me and mine. They love my SO’s bio kids but hate me and my kids they tolerate mostly because my SO makes them. (Seems to me anyway. His dad seems to like them well enough but his mom and sister not at ALL) often times they only want his kids over with an occasional visit. In the beginning I told them it was just because they wanted to spend a little time with the other 2 as we only get them every 2 weeks and they dont always get to see them within that time frame. Then when it became clear how his mom felt I stopped beating round the bush with my words. I won’t lie to my kids if I don’t have to. :woman_shrugging:

1 Like

Ive experienced this…its sad n does hurt the kids when some are favored over others, especially when its family…the kids dont understand why they get treated differently…my guys used to get yelled at, cant watch what they’d like too at grandparents…but my sister has 7 kids n when they used to come they got run of the house…could have whatever they wanted too…make a mess n leave…but my guys would get yelled at not to make a mess…n ive always picked up after them anyway at grama’s…they never forget anyone else’s birthday but mine…every year now…sometimes my kids get nothing on they b days from them…kids notice n it hurts their feelings…that is the main reason I try treat all my kids the same…if I cant get them all something than no one gets anything or ill switch it up n get something they can share…kids shouldn’t have to be treated that way…I suggest talking to ur husband an ask him to have a talk with his parents. Let them know that there actions are hurting the kids feelings…an they don’t understand why they get treated differently than the other grand children…I tell my guys I’m there family! I love them! An we can’t change people but we don’t have to put up with them making us feel bad…my youngest walked in at grandparents house n said did you miss me! The response he got was you dont come around enough for me to miss you…that hurt him n me!..after that he wouldn’t even come in for a bit…choose not to go to a family function after that…I had to say something to my father…I said that was just unnecessary n my son was very hurt by her words…he tried to make excuse for her…but since then they have made a lil more effort to be kinder…ask about them when they not with me…it hurts the kids when adults act like kids in a playground sometimes…you just have to talk to them n have them know that people can be crappy, even fam…but they negative attitude has nothing to do with you. An as long as you know whats true n right thats all that really matters…others will do things n say things that might be negative but don’t give those ones a second thought cause they don’t deserve it with a attitude like that!

1 Like

I have the same issue except it my family treats us that way. I don’t know what of their is anything you can do sadly you can’t make people care and love for each other

1 Like

Have you mentioned it to your in laws? This sounds like a conversation you should be having with them. Let them know how you’re feeling and see if you can come up with a solution

1 Like

It may be an age thing. Taking in a 1yr old could be to much. Talk to them and see. Maybe taking in the 5 yr old at first. You will have to have this conversation husband included.

It’s always been that way with my kid too. Your in laws are probably missing out on great kids. Their loss. And I always told my kid that it was those people’s loss, not her issue.

1 Like

Heres what I’m going to tell you to save yourself a lot of grief in the future. No matter what you say or how many times you say it, it’s not going to change. They will ask for and go see the ones they want to.

Don’t bother. Anyone who wants to be involved will take the time and efforts to be involved. You aren’t obligated to bring them around just as much as they aren’t obligated to come around. It’s hurtful and sad but it happens so often. The most you can do is tell them how it makes you and the kids feel with your husband agreeing. How they respond and their actions will tell you everything you need to know. If things don’t change, cut them off. The kids will eventually forget and normalize a life without them.

Have you spoken with your husband? What does he have to say about it? Is there an issue he has with his parents/ family?

I mean are you the type that pushes them away? What is the whole story here?

Let them. If you’re gonna get upset by this, then so will your babies. Let them see the true colours of those around them, they will make their own decisions in time and quite frankly, you wouldn’t wanna force it, they could turn nasty and bitter against your kids x

1 Like

The kids will see it the way you do eventually! Unfortunately too many people have to deal with this. It has made me appreciate the ones who do want to be apart of their lives even more :blush:

I was the grandchild in a situation this, and I noticed from a very early age. My children are currently embroiled in a similar situation with my in laws, and I am not taking it well. I have spoken my mind to my husband and his parents, but because his mother’s mom was very similar, and his mom openly expresses that she “doesn’t like children” I am considered the bad guy if I bring it up. It’s just how she is apparently. Her house has at least 3x the photos of the other grandkids as mine. Not for lack of giving pictures, at all. She just continues to stuff the same frames of my kids year after year, so they each just have the one. I have given her framed photos, and I see those frames on the next visit with my niece and nephew’s faces instead.

You cannot win. She has chosen her favorites, and you have to be OK with it. Once you are, remind your babies that they are loved in quality, not quantity.

Familial relations do not always equal adoration. And for the record, my husband is the favorite child.

I am absolutely mind boggled by this family, but it can’t be helped. It has been almost 25 years now, so it’s not going to change.

Love your babies enough so they don’t miss it. It’s what my mom did for me, and what I’m trying to do for mine. They will still notice, but it won’t hurt so much.

Tell them how you and your husband feels let them know the kid notices it make arrangements for meetings if nothing improves then thats just how and who they are and not much else you can do but have fun with you and your kids

If they want to see your kids they will put in time don’t force people that don’t wanna be part of yours and your beautiful children’s lives you deserve people who wanna be part of your lives. You shouldn’t have to make yourself known. Coming from personal experience sometimes what’s best for you and your children are just each other :heart:


You and your husband make your family Forget about in-laws. My mother played that game. Once all six children figure out her playing game It was her lost She died a lonely woman I have no regrets I have a great family many great memories from my children


I would cut them completely out. I did it with my son cause its just going to hurt him in the long run.


Pray about it
And don’t force the relationship life always has a way of putting in place just teach your kids love and make sure they see nothing bad about it

Let the connection come gradually don’t push too much they might take advantage of the situation and make a fool out of ur situation people are different make ur hubby ur best friend chapwa


Have you ever asked them why? I love any kid as long as they listen to me and they respect thier elders. It could be a problem if your not teaching your kids to be polite and respectful, some parents don’t believe in teaching thier kids these things.

Honestly. The way I feel and have handled situations like this. I’ve always said, I only want people around my boys that Honestly love them and want to be there. F the bs. They don’t want to be there. F it. Let them regret it later. Refocus the Littles attention to something positive. It’s what I did with mine.

Don’t force anything, love must come naturally but if there’s no genuine love, let it go. Be still ma’am. Sad part is that the children notice the difference and there’s nothing much u can do about it. Don’t force things. That’s communication too maam, they are communicating to u that they don’t care! Just take it and move on like a big girl you are, it might hurt alittle but take it. All the best

Sad part is you can’t change them. You can only change how you respond to it. Unfortunately there’s not much you can do. I have dealt with this for at least 6 years since my husband’s sister had a child. I’m to the point I focus on my kids instead of worrying about why they arent normal or like my family. If they are narcissistic which it sounds like it, they will never change only find new ways to hurt your kids. Minimize contact and don’t put up with favoritism in your children’s presence.

You shouldnt have to question where your kids stand in the grandparents life.
I wouldn’t give them the time of day. My sister didnt really come around as her kids were growing up. For whatever her reasons were. My dad tried to have a relationship with his grandchildren but it just didn’t pan out that way. Once my sister did come back around, her kids were grown, and really didn’t care about my dad. My sister now regrets it since my dad died over 20 yrs ago.
Cant force a relationship. Sometimes just letting it be and moving on is the best thing.
Im dealing with the same thing with my brother. He lives 10 mins from. Ive called and text asking to go to breakfast etc. always says no. My kids dont see him and dont care to. And ive gotten to the point where I dont care anymore. I always “ you can only try so hard and get so far”. My brother doesn’t ask to see my kids or even me. It is what it is.

1 Like

My mil was the same way. Came up and saw her grandkids once when we where in the hospital would hardly come to our house. Kicked me out after I had my kid bc she didn’t want to be bothered. She was a newlywed but she also had 2 grown men and her mom living with her. She would complain how my mom always had my oldest but would never ask for her to stay nothing. Then my other 2 kids came along and same with them shed only come over when it’s more convenient for her. Her husband’s son had a kid and they where all about him he was allowed to stay they always had him. My kids are older now they realized what went on and they now want nothing to do with her. They will eventually realize when they get older

Have your husband say something and if it still continues then forget them. You can’t make someone be a grandparent. If your kids don’t know and have a relationship with them then that is their fault. Make sure they know how loved and wonderful they are. Also make sure they know it isn’t their fault and the it is the grandparents fault and it is the grandparents who are missing out not your kids.

I’ve lived this! Wish I could help with a miracle answer but I can’t. I can tell you though, at age 22 and 19 my boys do not go out of their way to see their grandparents. The 22 year old is more accepting. But the 19 year old flat out tells them why he won’t attend anything they want him to. “you didn’t have time for me when I was younger. I don’t have time for you now that I’m older”. Not saying it’s right. But karma lives on.
I understand the hurt this causes, by them, to you and your husband as well.

My partners family is the same. They don’t call or even try to build a relationship with us. We decided early on we won’t fight for it either. It’s exhausting. It’s also sad, sad seeing my partner wonder why his family doesn’t try. My parents live a two day drive away and thankfully they do everything to have a relationship with all us. From daily calls, daily messages and visits. We choose to be thankful for the ones who want to be apart of our lives and we have just let go of the ones who don’t. It’s just not worth the energy, stress and heart ache. We focus on what brings us happiness and joy.

I might try to kindly make them aware your children are feeling left out.
People can be oblivious to obvious things. And people can only fix a problem if they know about it.
Give them an opportunity. If they make excuses or don’t want to change things then that is out of your control. At that point I don’t know what you would tell your kids, but, hopefully the grandparents wouldn’t make you cross that bridge.