My in-laws don't like me because I can't have kids

I need advice. My in-laws don’t like me and I think it’s because I can’t have kids. I’ve been with my husband for 10 years and the first 5 years were very rough and had a bad relationship with his family. We tried for years to get pregnant and after 7 years we finally got pregnant. The same night we found out about the baby, we also found out it was ectopic so we had to rush into surgery to save my life and of course sadly my one and only baby wasn’t going to make it. That was the most traumatic experience of my life and not one of our family members was there for us during that time. Not even my own mom came to see me in the hospital and that’s caused a lot of mental damage to me. After that I was diagnosed with postpartum depression, PTSD, and I suffer major abandonment issues from that experience. My in-laws have shown no sympathy to me or their son about our experience and it really takes a toll out on me. I moved from a different state away from all my loved ones to be closer to the in-laws and they literally act like we don’t live 2 minutes down the road from them. They never try to spend time with us, come over to visit, nothing. While I see how good they treat their other daughter in law who does have kids. It really makes me feel like they don’t like me because I can’t have kids and I’m super depressed right now. I never had a good relationship with my own parents, so I always hoped I would marry into a family that loved me like their own but it’s just not like that. But it is like that with their other daughter in law and son in law. The only difference is, they have kids and I don’t. I take care of their son, I love him unconditionally and he loves me the same so I can’t understand why they still don’t like me. I do have a bad past but I’ve been living a straight path for 3 years now so I don’t see what the problem is now? We still try to get pregnant 3 years after our loss but it’s just not happening. My mental health is not good right now, and I could really use a family to turn to but they would never be there for me because they don’t like to talk about the loss. I’m so lost


Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My in-laws don't like me because I can't have kids - Mamas Uncut

Do you have health insurance? Most policies now cover IVF. I have a friend due any time now with an IVF after ectopic baby. (Although if this is really the reason that your in-laws don’t like you, they should F all the way off) but I’m just saying, test tube babies are great too :blush:

I would just do you and your husband. I’m not sure what you believe, but also pray to God for a loving family or friends. You don’t need to keep trying to fit in where you aren’t accepted. That seems more damaging to yourself.


Bad path meaning? Could that possibly be the real reason why they dislike you? I feel there is more to it than just because you can’t have children.


You have to take care of before you can take care of another being. Definitely focus on you and uour husband and screw those in laws.


I’m soooooo sorry you went through all that pain in your life. But my advise is stay away from toxic people. Move far away if you can. Your mental and physical health is more important than anything else. Good luck.

Ask one of them to step up and have a child for you. To carry one. To miscarry one. To want one. Watch them shrink back into their places.


If you ever adopt or foster I wouldn’t even let them in your life when that happens. They do not deserve y’all or any kids you may have.


5 months after I got together with my now husband we found out I was pregnant… I had 5 miscarriage before this one so I knew it was bound to be the same… If he loves you then he loves you… I don’t have a family myself really and his lives so far away… Try writing how you feel on slips of paper put it in a bowl and then sit down and you both go threw the bowl… One by one explain your feelings and how it makes him feel too… After reading each one and getting to know how you both feel about it burn the slip of paper and let it go… I know its hard after miscarriage but one day at a time and everything happens for a reason and god is always on your side

Honestly, no one can make you magically feel better. Processing your loss has to be done between you and your husband. My husband and I create our own happiness and peace… it doesn’t rely on anyone outside of the home. :blush:


If your husband is there and supportive and loves you, that is all that matters.


Hunny first off I’m going to say I’m so sorry for your loss and everything that has happened to you after and that just worry about you and your husband and that if you ever adopt don’t let them in your life you are the one that can create their own happiness and try not to worry about anyone else’s


I’m curious as to what your husband says about this and has he said anything to his parents regarding this? I also would wonder if you’re past whatever it may be has something to do with why they may be distant from you potentially? Unfortunately if you can’t have children and I am sorry for all the loss that you have gone through you may think of other options such as adoption or fostering there are so many unloved children out there who are looking for a Better Home and if you and your husband can utilize another alternative and give a child a home. While I completely understand where you’re coming from regarding having in-laws who you want to love you because I too feel the same way it’s not about them it’s about you and your husband and if he loves you unconditionally and he’s all you have in this life then that should be enough at this point in time because you shouldn’t have to stress yourself out to make them love you they are going to be who they’re going to be and that’s that

Girl you can’t change or make everyone happy, as long and YOU and YOUR husband are happy, I couldn’t imagine what you are going through, but, theirs always the possibility of adoption, and i know whatever happens you’d give life to a child and be a great family/parent, keep ya head high and keep trying babe!


I’m so sorry you’ve gone through this. That is such a devastating situation. But I have learned that I am married to my husband not my in-laws. They can be as upset as they want to as long as you and your husband are OK that’s all that matters


Stop living for their acceptance, start living to accept your life. If you and your husband want children, their are other ways to do that. Don’t seek validation from anyone, in laws or your own family! Wishing you the best!!

Going through a very similar situation!! Three losses, inbox me if you wanna talk… try and keep your head up!!

Are you seeing a counselor? I really feel like that would help you. And maybe medication? I don’t have family or in laws. Do you have close friends you can lean on and maybe talk about some of this stuff with? Don’t expect it from your in laws, try to get the support you need elsewhere.

Jeeze, honestly honey I would just give up trying to please them. Not everyone will and you just have to live with it, be cordial, don’t argue with any of them. Just focus on you and your husband and living your guys best life.


First off you need to get professional help for your loss your family and friends cannot help you with that unless they’ve been through it they don’t understand it. Secondly what other people think of you should not be your concern we have to realize that other people have opinions of their own and it’s none of our business you need to concern yourself with your husband and your life and make it the best you can make it for the two of you. if they want to be in your life they will be you cannot let it consume you. I wish you the best of luck and my prayers are with you. Open your eyes to your own life and realize how beautiful it can be.

I’m sorry for your loss but you shouldn’t be comparing relationships with your in laws. If you want a better relationship with them then you can come around more often and make plans with them so you don’t feel left out. Kids do bring families together because kids tell you when they want to visit grandma or whoever LOL

Honestly I feel for you but if they couldnt be there in your most time of need then why would you want to share such a important time for you and your partner? Me personally wouldnt want to share a future child with people that didnt even care about you as there mother before hand :woman_shrugging:

Girlllllllllll!!! Let me say this wit the utmost disrespect!!! FUK THEM PEOPLE!!!

You married your husband not your husband’s family maybe speak to him about moving back closer to your family since they don’t acknowledge either of you, you focus on you and your husband and maybe look into fostering and adopting there are so many kids out there who need parents and you could pass the love that you have on to them. I’m sorry for all you’ve been through and for your loss​:pray::heartpulse::pray:

MOVE!!! You and your husband don’t need that crap in your life…move away from them…take care of yourselves and each other and enjoy your life…you don’t owe them anything…


Even having a child won’t make them like you. My in laws didn’t like me from the start. I had tge first grandchild and still they didn’t like me. Never heard from after the day a buried my husband not even my daughter. The way I see it it’s their loss! They have missed out on a beautiful young lady and she is a carbon copy of her daddy!! So guess what I’m trying to say is do not dwell on their dislike towards you! You live to love your husband as I did! Make a happy life with him. God will bless you with all the love you are seeking! Give all your feelings and thoughts to God!! He sees you and hears you!

Don’t base your worth on how much other people like you, most people don’t even like themselves. You have no obligation to fulfill their expectations. They either accept you or they don’t. Not everyone has the same capacity for empathy, that’s their problem, that’s their soul to contend with. The fact you see the error in their way already means they’re beneath you, and your capacity is greater than theirs. Do not internalize their shortcomings, they’ve nothing to do with you.

I’ve lost 6/8 pregnancies, I do know what that feels like. Anyone who couldn’t sympathize, who wouldn’t feel compelled to comfort you, is selfish and inconsiderate. They are no one whos opinions I’d hold in very high regard, much less legitimize to the point of allowing it to influence my self worth or mental health. Your mom not being there for you has nothing to do with whether you’re worth being there for, you absolutely are. It’s a reflection of HER character and HER’S alone, you don’t control what she is. If SHE was a better person she would have been there. Period.

There’s 2 ways to look at everything, one that involves negative emotions, and one that doesn’t. Don’t focus on the lack of [self designated shit-bags] in your life and instead focus on who WAS there, they’re the ones worth your energy. Those in laws don’t deserve the amount of regard you are giving their opinion of you. Personally, I wouldn’t want the acceptance of people like that, it would mean a shit bag finds me acceptable and that’s not a good thing. That’s like being hitlers favorite soldier.

You need to stop worrying about whether these people like you, and start wondering if you even like them… Don’t sweat peasants, look at this like the toxic individuals cutting themselves out and saving you the trouble. Start living YOUR best life, whatever that looks like to YOU. You don’t need anyone’s blessing or approval. Validate yourself and you will know internal peace.

Fuck them. You are beautiful inside and out. All you need is you and your husband if I could trade my uterus for yours I would I have my own issues of why I don’t want kids I think it would damage my body even worse than it is and I’m still young I shouldn’t hurt physically the way I do I wish we could love like dogs do because we all have our own battles we deal with and wish you the best physically and mentally and know your loved weather or not you can have kids. Keep the faith love. I hope I don’t sound like an asshole even though I feel like one because I know my husband wants kids but I don’t I truly wish you the best and hope for a miracle for you

Stop making your in laws more relevant and important than they should be. I understand it’s your husband’s family. But your immediate family is more important than them, and if they’re having a negative impact on your mental health you should try to block them out of your mind. I know you want their approval, but you don’t need it! Worry about your household only. What other people think about you is none of your business. No, not even the in laws opinions matter. Block it out and let it go. My heart goes out to you! Please stop seeking their validation and focus only on yourself and husband!

Your in laws are trash and only view you as an incubator


I didn’t even need to finish this story. Axe them from your life period. They cannot accept you then you do not need them.


Have you asked them ? Maybe the reason they are so removed was because maybe they felt after your pregnancy loss they felt maybe they were going to be blamed,Or felt sadness . Try reaching out to them and plan a get together something small . Maybe is not about liking the other DOL better just because she has kids .

Move closer to your family or somewhere you two like.

Knock them out of your life for your mental health. They just won’t be what you want them to be and you need to have acceptance of that. Do what’s gonna make you feel better right now and don’t worry about people who aren’t worried about you. I hope you heal from this.

They don’t deserve you. They are trash :wastebasket:. If their son loves you they should be happy. I say move away from them like they don’t exits. Get counseling for your loss so they can help you be at calm. You know to be happy with your self first don’t worry about people that doesn’t plus your life. Life is so short to worrying about people they just unhappy. You are priority. Not them

You said that the first 5 years you had a bad relationship with them. So it can’t be because of kids! You also said you had a bad past but been good for the last 3. I have to say that your past is most likely the reason. Also before you moved closer to the in-laws you knew they didn’t like you, so why would they come over? If your family can’t be there and his family is not there that is still ok because you and your husband are family.

You moved away from your family to be with his family. It seems like you need to move away to be just the two of you. I’m sure you’ll be much happier. Family can be detrimental.

I wouldn’t about in-laws! They suck at least mine does. Y’all need to just take care and love your life as a couple! Personal opinion. It’s all about y’all and no one else just saying :heart:


U married your husband not his family and I wouldn’t give a damn if they didn’t like me as long as me and my husband are happy that’s all that matters when u worry about things like that u giving them power over u never give ppl that much power let go and let God Respectfully

Stop the thoughts that they dont like you. Thats their loss. Join a group that is for women that have gone through what you have regarding infertility issues. Make your own family with people who appreciate you and your family. Be cordial to your inlaws, and dont look to see what is going on with them. Right now you need to take care of you and your husband. What is your husbands take on all of this?

Sounds like you’re more worried about fitting in than anything, you don’t need those people or their opinions of you. You spoke of a bad past, is this the real reason they dislike you? Regardless of what ever reasons they have for disliking you, just move on who gives a shit what they think

I know it’s not the same but you have a family in this group. I’m so sorry for your loss. I’m also so angry for you with how your in laws treat you. It’s NOT your fault if you are unable to have children. It’s not like you made it that way or you wanted it to be this way. They should be so much more sympathetic with your situation and care and love you just the same as their other daughter in-law. Shame on them for treating you different. I pray you get your little miracle bundle.

Family dosent mean you have to love. Forget they exist and move away.


Fuck in laws. They don’t matter.

Move away from all the toxic family, yours and his…live your best life. Your womb doesn’t define you. I’m sorry for your loss though I know how traumatic it is.


they sound like some pretty selfish people . im so sorry your going through that

It happens when your significant other runs and tells his family all your problems. Your significant other forgives and forgets but in laws stay mad.


Isn’t this a page about nails? I don’t see how this has anything to do with nails!


And just because ur on a strait path now doesn’t mean they shouldn’t keep their guards up ……10yrs later might be a diff story

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I’m sorry for you loss…reading ur story u said u been with ur hubby for 10 yrs, had a not so good past, and been straight for the past 3 yrs…if u and hubby have survived all that dont wait for others, family, in laws etc to like u, be kind to u etc…trust me your not the only person in this situation…your family is u and your husband. I dont know if its a medical condition but if gods wants u 2 to have a baby he will…until then enjoy your live with your hubby…stress is def not gonna help you. Everyone makes mistakes big and small. If u and hubby have gotten through it, u don’t need the approval of ANYONE else to enjoy your life. Hubby is there and thats all u need…u married him, not ur inlaws nor ur family! God bless and know u are a beautiful person. Let your past go, u can’t change it, u can only learn from it. But dont let it run ur life. Remember blood and in laws isn’t always family. Sending :pray::pray::pray:. You will get thru this

From my personal expereince, cut off both your families. Focus on you and our husband’s happiness, enjoy life and travel. You will not conceive with all this trauma you have experienced. You need to heal your womb, heart.

You and your partner need to heal your trauma through deep conversation and love.

Who cares about your family? Cut them off. Focus on yourself. When finally you are happy and if a baby does come along. Be very careful who you decide to let back into your life.

It took my family over 5-7 years to see that my wife and I are still together and happy together before they came round. 10 years going strong now.

Keep strong there, don’t give a care about any 3rd parties and jealousy.

Focus on finding your happiness :heart:

I would have moved to another country or another state start a fresh adopt a little one or do surrogate but if possible make some changes

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my in laws hated me for years because I volunteered in the community and I was never home…yeah I was with my kids volunteering… .got divorce they still hate me who cares I’m a good mom good gigi and my kids and grands love me that’s what matters

I couldn’t even get through this. You need therapy - point blank. You need to unpack all of this to a therapist you can trust & start healing. You’ve got some unrealistic expectations you’ve foisted upon others. You married him, not his family. It’s not his family’s job to make you feel good or give you a childhood experience you never had. What matters is how he treats you and how he stands up to his family for you when necessary. Move away from everyone and start over even - seems like nothing is holding you back. Get therapy, mourn what never was, then move forward.

Yes if that family ain’t making you happy don’t depend on it, try not to stress, due to that stress makes both of you to not have kids, y’all need to enjoy more of each other and whatever it is with your relatives to forget and forgive because that’s going to make you feel better even if those people don’t care at least your good with yourself, it happened to me for like 8 hrs of trying and living with my in laws was super stressful then I told my husband or we move on our own and start a new beginning or I’ll go so we moved then 4 months later found out I was pregnant then 4 months postpartum second baby is on the way.

I agree with the majority here. Don’t worry about in laws. I wouldn’t keep my husband from his parents because he may hold resentment towards you later but for myself I would stay away. I would tell your husband that your home is your safe place & they are not allowed. And if you’re still trying to get pregnant, you need to be as calm & as stress free as possible. I am truly sorry for loss & for what you have through. I know the pain of infertility 1st hand. However I will say God had his plan for our lives. We were meant to have our babies through adoption. My prayers are with you💜

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Everything that you just said I think you should say to the family so they can see this from your perspective, it’s worth a shot. Express how you want to be close to them. And if they still don’t make an effort to change how they treat you after that then forget them. Also I know it’s sad how the family is with you but please don’t forget that your husband is there giving all that you’re looking for.

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Have ypu tried taking the diet pills that you can only get through a dr? Alot of women who cant have kids take those and get pregnant. My friend works for a drs office and one of the dr gives them to her patients that have problems getting pregnant.