Okay, ladies. I was mad at first, and now I’m just sad. My mother in law/father in law have been wanting my husband and me to have a baby for a long time now. We want babies too, of course, but it just hasn’t happened. I’ve had two miscarriages as well as PCOS, so it’s a bit tough physically, and emotionally I’m struggling. Long story short, I was sitting with my husband’s family, and his mom said out loud, “why have you had babies yet? I had two kids by your age,” and now I’m feeling horrible like I’m too late. Another thing she said that bothered me was that she hopes I have babies that look like my husband. My SOs grandma, who loves me, said, “what, will you be mad if the baby looks more like her?” And everyone went quiet. I don’t know if I can live like this. I don’t even know how to respond. I’ve just been quiet ever since.
Two words…fuck them
Don’t see the in laws anymore. Sometimes it’s simply not worth your time.
Not that it’s any of their business but do they know you are struggling with infertility? A lot of people don’t think about it, so maybe your husband could mention to them off to the side that with the circumstances to stop mentioning it.
Screw them. Don’t feel the need to explain yourself to them either. I would stop hanging out with them all together and see how it makes them feel. Or call them out like his awesome grandma did. Take shit from no one, not even family. You’re amazing and don’t let them make you feel bad for not having kids yet. They can get over themselves.
As your mother in law, she shouldn’t make comments like that. And your husband should say something to her about it. That’s hurtful.
I have no words for how they are acting, and cannot imagine how this makes you feel as loosing babies they are being very rude if you ask me and should not be even going there I would take time out from them and your hubby should be having word’s with them x
I have PCOS and went thru the same thing…just not having to deal with asshole family members…and I didn’t get pregnant until I was 34 and have a crazy beautiful 5 year old now… it’ll happen just be patient and ignore the rude comments
Tell your SO. Explain how it makes you feel to him whenever they are saying that stuff. Let him handle it at first if they continue to do it. Straight up tell them, “I understand that you did but you’re not me. I wish you would quit saying on what we should do and just wait for the news when we decide to have any and support whatever we are doing now.”
I feel you. I did come into the marriage with a 2 year old daughter. They love her. Its been 13 years…their oldest son will never have kids. I am sterile ( surgical) 4 miscarriages 2 tubal. We have 3 kids now ( 2 boys from my brother ) that they love as well…but guilt eats me
does she know your medical history?
not saying her comments are excusable, but sometimes we “stick our foot in our mouth” without realizing it… I would reccomend sitting down with her and explaining how and why it was hurtful to you and your husband that she said that
We’ve been trying for have baby number 2 for almost 2 years. So I get how defeated you’re feeling. I always feel like the biggest piece of shit when people tell me I need another kid and when we’re gonna get pregnant again and we need to hurry up. You’ve just got to ignore it the best you can. It’s hard, but you can’t let all of their negativity affect you so much.
Does she know about the struggles you’ve been having?
Imo I think that’s when your SO should of stepped in and said something
Omg I am so sorry this had happened to you. I would tell them that 1 its none of their business why you dont have any babies and 2 to fuck off. I would have went off on her for those kinds of comments. I just experience my first miscarriage in December 2019 and I couldnt imagine hearing anyone say that to me. I wouldnt be spending anymore time around her.
Sweety theres always adoption. Im a huge prolife advocate n help mothers who consider abortion find happy n healthy adoptive homes for those babies. If u see this comment, n adoption is something youd consider, feel free to message me! I can help! also ive suffered 3 losses before i had my daughter. So i understand that pain. Its heartbreaking . Im so sorry. As for ur inlaws. Ignore them and talk to ur SO about how u feel. U dont deserve to be disrespected in anyway
Do they know about your struggles? Do they know about your loss? If not tell them. If she doesn’t know then she can’t be expected to be empathetic or sympathetic to you or your husband. I undunderstand how you feel I’ve had 2 miscarriages. Its complete devastating. For the longest time if I heard a baby cry in the grocery store or where ever I would completely fall apart. People kept telling us to just try again. Not knowing how terrifying it is to try again. Maybe take her out to coffee and just have a real conversation with her. Tell her how you feel and how her comments make you feel. Idk I just feel like too many people are rushing to cut her off.
If your husband didn’t stand up and tell his mother to knock her crap off, he’s trash. I’m just saying. I am so sorry you’re having a hard time getting pregnant but make sure you are trying with someone that cares about you and your wellbeing ENTIRELY.
I’ve had a miscarriage. And also pcos before my soon was born my ob put me on the pill for a month then I had a normal period and we tried and got pregnant within 3 weeks of my period. I have3kids total but wasn’t diagnosed with pcos until my fiance and I tried for over a year. I am 29yrs old. It is never to late to try anything. Also I am on truvision and I know a lot of women take it to help get pregnant also follow a group they will give you the info you need. Good luck! And I pray you get the blessing of being a mother
Communicate with your husband explain to him how that made you feel, give him the opportunity to be there for you. Ask him to talk to his mom and explain to her the troubles your both having and how she needs to be more sensitive toward the topic and more supportive for you both while yall are going thru something so hard for yall. If your husband cant do that than he is not supporting you and if your mother in law can not be more kind stop going a round her give them all one chance if they cant even began to be more kind than there not worth your time at all.
Be very blunt look at them and say I may never be able to have babies I have health problems and we are trying so please do not bring up this discussion again
Its never too late… I didnt have my first until I was 34… as rude as it sounds coming from her I bet she didnt mean it in a bad way, she probably doesn’t know you guys have been trying and shes is expressing how much she would love for you to be the mother of her grand children. Many people run at the mouth and don’t realize its hurting someone. Maybe take her to the side and nicely explain that you guys are having fertility issues and I bet on her own she will feel horrible and wont bring it up again.
After a year of trying my MIL said to me at my nieces birthday party in front of everyone, What he hasn’t convinced you to get pregnant yet. I was embarrassed and heartbroken. We have almost no relationship and now we have a child she never sees my daughter. Her choice not mine.
People will say some stupid thoughtless things.
Others will compare this to that. Stop giving them any power over how they make you feel. It’s your choice if you decide to tell them the extra details… but… don’t let what they say have such meaning. Women can have babies well into their 50’s now days.
Some people are old fashion minded… say what you feel you need to say when it comes to you. If it’s not received… then keep your distance and have your husband be the buffer.
Tell her you have Pcos
Speak up for yourself and tell them off, its your body and they need to mind their own business
I feel like your husband definitely should have stepped in an said somthing.
Is she aware of the struggles yall have had? Even so her comments are disrespectful and rude. I would have a very honest conversation with her an tell her exactly how you feel about her comments.
And many struggle with fertility… with all of the factors, environment, meds, foods, supplements, work, stressors, etc… many struggle… we live in chaos and everything we eat and drink is contaminated with something… try to relax… breathe and don’t put so much pressure… on yourself. I’m speaking from experience… from miscarriages to hopelessness to having two kids now, 13 years apart and I just turned 41. It’ll be okay!!
Your husband should have stood up for you. Besides, it’s literally none of her business why you don’t have children. Getting pregnant with PCOS is difficult, it took me years to get pregnant with my first. And then there is a 7 year gap between my oldest and middle child. It’s never too late but don’t let someone else push their expectations for your fertility on you.
The answer is … Well the dr said its all the stress my inlaws are putting on me with the constant badging about getting pregnant. He says if they lay off the badgering it would be better for me
Next time she asks why you haven’t had kids, tell her. Also, most parents want their grandkids to look like their kids, family traits and all. Sadly, if their comments get to you that much and your husband won’t stand up to them treating you in a way that you don’t care for then you have a difficult decision to make.
Most people don’t mean to be cruel and thoughtless. I would have just told her the facts. Everytime she brings it up- repeat.
That’s when you let her know out loud in front of everyone why you haven’t had babies yet. I know it’s hard to share that with other people, but they are your family. OR if that’s understandably not an option for you can have your husband speak with her and tell her that it’s not okay for her to speak to you that way or embarrass you like that, especially in front of others. What you’re dealing with is nothing to be ashamed of and unfortunately much more common than you think. You stay strong and hang in there, some people are just totally oblivious to the struggles some women and men deal with while trying to start a family.
Avoid them from now on
Oh hunny! That’s just terrible! I know the struggle is there! I deal with the hurt and pain of in-laws too. Time, space, staying quiet, and walking away from them was the only way I could find peace. Thankfully my husband understood me and understood why, but it is not your fault! If you don’t want them to know about you guys situation, then it’s none of their business! I finally had to kindly but blunt and simply made comments here or there if I had enough of them.
Idk but MILs say things sometimes and don’t understand the hurt it causes, mine used to say things like I shouldn’t have a wedding just go to the court house when she had a big wedding herself only a few years before me, or that she hopes I only have boys, (she knew I wanted a girl, my husband already had a son from another relationship) I could go on and on with things my own mother has said. Just try not to let it bother you, I know it’s hard but I tell myself everyone has opinions but it’s my life and I need to do what’s best for me and do things my way and do what works for me. I was 36 when I had my last baby so I don’t believe in too late. You have every right to also say something but make sure you think it through and come across with a clear message. I ended up flipping out my MIL and I regret it to this day I didn’t handle it better
ask your husband to talk to her, because that’s ridiculous & she needs to mind her damn business
Fuck em all! Don’t let them get to you… Mom of 5 with PCOS! It is possible… get fertility help!
You are not to old unless you are over 40 then you are not to old but getting close I had a baby at 19 and that was in my opinion to young I just had my 2nd baby at 35 and appreciate everything it’s just different this go round being older, stable mentally and financially just more enjoyable! As far as the looks thing goes of course they want the baby to look like their side of the family truth is the baby must likely will look exactly like the dad at birth but as time goes by it will look like both you!!
I would separate yourself from all that.
But I also want to add that I’m in a keto group and so many woman are getting pregnant for the first time when they’ve been trying for years
They went on the keto diet and a little exercise.
Just a thought
Um that rude especially knowing you have had pregnancies that have not resulted in a child as you had hoped . I would say straight to her face that its vary hurtful and while you are happy she was so blessed to have her kids by your age it’s not helpful or kind to compare, as you have lost your babies . Tell her she should be more supportive and kind as you would not want any future child to have such a unkind grandmother .
Extremely rude and inconsiderate of them. Maybe you should pull her aside and calmly explain what’s been going on, and throw in a sassy little “Maybe you don’t have to make me feel bad about something beyond my control, yeah?”
Tell them it’ll happen when it happens and they need to stop bringing it up because you have health issues that make it hard …
Should have smiled and casually said, “I don’t care what my babies look like, as long as they don’t get your fat mouth and shitty personality, Susan. You know, so we can enjoy them.”
Make them feel like shit and tell them what youve been thru put their ass on blast then turn around and walk your ass out the door so they can kiss it!
Personally I would have snapped back and told the facts about pcos and how it makes it harder, I dont believe she had any right to say that because it was rude and inconsiderate.
Does your mother in law know of your struggles to get pregnant ?
I’m so sorry. I really hate that it’s still “socially acceptable” to ask about someone’s fertility. I struggled for 3 years and eventually got pregnant through IVF but people’s words are still hurtful. Know that she likely doesn’t mean harm by it even though it’s so upsetting to you. Would you consider telling the family of your struggles? I kept mine a secret at first and after I finally told them I felt so relieved and supported. I wish you all the luck and baby dust!
First I want to say I am so sorry your mother in law needs to mind her business . Yes people will always ask you when are you going to have children I wish I had a good answer to give you.
I have said these things because my son explained to me by myself that they probably wouldn’t have children his wife my wonderful daughter in law has a lot of hormonal problems . I learned a lot from my mother in law I didn’t want to be like her . Please for your inner peace talk with your husband he has your back. Let him talk with his parents , make your visits to them short and sweet , don’t stay if uncomfortable, have a code word if you need to leave earlier , I am serious . If you want to tell them anything that is up to you but you sure don’t have too .
My son and daughter in law have been married 5 yrs I love my daughter in law as though she were mine and I would take on the world for her . But it needs to start with your husband . Direct message me if you want to talk I had problems with infertility also so I here if you want to talk to a OLD woman who might can help
Maybe they see you in this stereotypical role, that you willingly Married into. Just saying.
I would tell them the truth and let them feel horrible for mentioning it.
Tell them, well I’ve already lost 2 babies because I have PCOS so as much as I’d like to be a mom, I cant be right now. Let them feel horrible and awkward
Draw a line. Procreation is a couples decision between them andthe divine not the parents and inlaws.
Did she know you’ve had miscarriages? I understand that hurts but I wouldn’t be mad if they didnt know. And I dont know when I was pregnant I wanted my kids to come out looking like their dad, myself. I wouldnt take it to much to heart , unless they are always just assholes then yeah I’d be pissed lol
Why does your husband not tell her to be quiet? She is not to old to understand how getting pregnant is not always easy. Do they know about the miscarriages? PCOD! If not you should tell them.
A baby is going to look like who ever I think your to sensitive. Both sides will enjoy if the baby looks like their side . Sometimes grand parents just want you to know how exciting it would be . Try to think positive.
Honestly, you need to get rude back to prove a point. Let them know that their snide comments are hurtful. If you could have produced a child by now you certainly would have. Not everyone is able to just pop them out at any time. Some people have to do it the hard way and unless they are willing to pay for that, than they need to keep their hurtful comments to themselves.
I had my first at 19 my 6th and last at 38
I don’t know how old you are but with PCOS you might have better luck conceiving in your late 30’s - early 40’s. The hormones tend to calm down a bit before peri-menopause. Also, if you haven’t seen a fertility specialist yet you might want to do so. My reproductive endocrinologist suspected my 2nd loss was caused by a septum in my uterus. I had that fixed and went on to have 2 health children.
F all that nonsense. I battled a lot of the same with you. I had to use clomid because of my PCOS if you and husband are wanting to get pregnant I’d recommend talking to your doctor about it. I got pregnant first round and I was prescribed progesterone at first sign of pregnancy. Good luck to you. Prayers sent for dealing with a monster in law
Um where is your husband in this?? He needs to defend you period.
Don’t be quiet…open your mouth an give’m hell. Your husband needs to grow a pair an speak up too.
Say “what my reproductive organs are doing are not your concern, and its rude to bring it up” leave it at that.
I also have pcos and have had 2 miscarriages, the only way that I can get pregnant and have it stick is if I lose weight (even if I am not overweight to begin with)
My husband and I had six long Yrs before we were able to conceive our twins trough IVF. When we starting getting such comments we would lie and say “oh we still enjoy sleeping in!” Or “we still need time of just us two!” And eventually it gets old!! So one day I said it out loud in front of his whole family “we have been trying to have babies for so long and we are going through fertility treatments, we would appreciate if you would stop asking as this puts pressure on us, thanks!” it was AKWARD but they never asked again instead they offered support when needed. I think you should be honest with them you may find that it even helps you feel better.
In that situation, your husband should have put her in her place.
Does he not speak up to defend you
Because iv put my family in there places over my wife
Let me start off by saying I know how you feel and my apologies if I come across a bit harsh.
That being said, your medical diagnosis is none of her business so you shouldn’t have to say anything. Why do those struggling with infertility need to broadcast it? They don’t.
Your MIL should keep her mouth shut as your family planning is none of her business. I think your husband needs to step in and say something and if you’re comfortable with her knowing maybe he could tell her.
If not, then the next time she brings it up I’d politely say “Thanks for sharing and I’ll keep that in mind.”
Hugs & Best Wishes
Your husband needs to have a talk with her. That’s incredibly rude.
You need to wait until she asks again and then very pointedly give her a lesson on minding her own damn business. What a rude, thoughtless b*tch. Extra points for doing it among other family members so she’s the maximum amount of embarrassed.
I’m so angry for you!
Google PCOS print it out and hand it to her when she says something again. Be nice about it and just tell her this is why… it’s not like we are not trying. When and if we do get Pregnant we will let you know. But please be kind and quit asking because everytime you ask it truly hurts my feelings." My MIL keeps telling me that I need to have a baby and it be a girl. 1 My husband is in prison and 2 I cannot promise her a girl
I too have PCOS and I know that painful struggle. I’m so sorry about your miscarriage, it’s more traumatic than some people understand. With that said though, absolutely NONE of that is her business. You do not have to explain yourself to his family. If she genuinely has questions, that does not sound like the time or place to ask something so intrusive. Personally, I would’ve told her to shove it and that it was none of her business. If you’re still upset, I’d probably call and tell her that it bothered you. If you don’t start setting personal and relationship boundaries with her now, it’s only going to get worse and the questions more intrusive. Trust me.
It’s none of their business.
To me it sounds like she wants to say whatever she wants without regard for anyone else’s feelings. I’d say what you want to her with no regard for hers. It’s none of her business anyway. Best wishes to you.
Frist of all, stand up for your self. If you have to be rude, and loud. Say ,look mind your business, two we want a baby BUT ITS NOT WORKING AND I HAVE A miscarriages and that is to much for me to keep going through. And i dont care who my baby looks like as long as it lives. So back of me about me having a baby i well when God says so. And not until then.
Im sorry for your loss. If your dr.says you are your husband can keep trying and you feel you can then just keep trying. I wish you the best. And i well pray you and your husband will some day have a bundle of joy.God bless.
Tell her straight up how you feel and what you have been through. I did it to my MIL she didn’t like it but she left it alone
She going to be the type that tells you how to raise your kids … I’m sorry !
Shes very insensitive. Get a dog & tell her it’s her new grandbaby lol seriously I wouldn’t handle it well either. That’s just mean. It’s none of her business when it if you have kids. Who cares how many she had at your age. You aren’t her!
Tell her to mind her own uterus or she won’t Get to know any baby you’ll have
I ignored them and said we aren’t ready yet. Took me 4 years to get pregnant. Accused of being selfish and all. I wasn’t taking any birth control. It is hard, just try to stay away, reduce the stress and don’t think about a baby. Get into a craft or get a pet. I got a little poodle and focused on her. I did get pregnant but had a hard time carrying full term. My next was tubal. I was not meant for child bearing I guess. . It will happen for you.
Dang, if you are just the uterus now, imagine what it will be like when you do get pregnant. Your SO should have a long talk about respect for you and your feelings as a person and his chosen partner.
You can’t dignify their comments with a response. The best response is none. Let the silence fill the air and make them uncomfortable.
That’s so hurtful and I’m so sorry that happened. Unfortunately people are going to say what they’re going to say. While it would be nice if your husband mentioned to them that this is not ok to make you feel bad, he will likely feel torn between his mother and you and not want to be put in the middle. You can’t change what other people do, only your reaction to it. Try to reconcile in your own heart that you are ok. And you will have a baby when you can if that’s right for your family. And get ready if you do…cause then she’ll be wanting to intrude on things that should be yours. Like naming the baby and picking what the baby wears home from the hospital. It’ll be a whole new arena to stand your ground on. If they want to live in a world where they roll eyes and judge and act like that that’s their issue. Don’t take it on as your issue. You are ok.
If she doesn’t know about the miscarriages…you shouldn’t be upset at her for not knowing. And everyone hopes their grandkids looks like their kids. It’s normal.
I havent read the comments, but first thing I think of is that’s fucking rude. But the second thing I think of is does she know about you guys trying and about the miscarriages? It’s not her business to know that, but if she doesn’t maybe she is just pushing you without knowing that you’ve gone through some stuff and are trying to. My parents and grandparents are always asking us when were having more, we aren’t planning on it so it doesn’t come across as offensive on our side. Regardless, the second part would definitely come across as rude when they were all quiet. Yous a beaut and your babies will be adorable. Much love to you mama
My MIL has made comments to. My husband and I have lost 2, the resulting in my not being able to have any more. He told her this and after that the comments from her got nasty. As far as she had 2 by this age, screw that!!! I’m the only woman in my family to not have at least 1 by my 21st birthday and I wouldn’t change it for the world. I know it’s hard, but don’t let her stress you out. If she makes another comment, come back with a smartass remark. “The corner store can’t keep babies in stock”, “The grocery store only had babies that look like me, not hubby so I put it back” etc.
How did your husband respond?? If he didn’t defend you before you did that’s a problem already in the making…as well don’t be scare to defend yourself trust me moms like his if you don’t shut that down she will play you for the rest of your marriage…
I have pcos and 5 beautiful babies…All concieved naturally.
Tell them when your ready, you’ll have a baby and say. Ok ?
I think it’s a MIL thing, mine hates me, always chatting to my daughter and OH, will ask me questions and then interrupt when I try to answer only texts when it’s about OH or the baby
Its hard so be honest. Tell them you can’t that should shut them up at least for a while. Or you can tell the not their business or not to ask again.
Bekah O’Farrell don’t you have PCOS? Maybe she’s dealing with our theory of what you went through
I’ve lost 2 and had infertility issues. I have 2 beautiful boys with the help of intervention and surgeries and lastly I recently had a hysterectomy for PCOS and stage 4 endometriosis. My heart goes out to you. If your MIL doesn’t have the knowledge of of your difficulties maybe a honest discussion about it would help. It is none of her business, but it might stop the painful comments, my sister in laws had 4 babies while we struggled for 3 years having our first. No one understood why I would cry when they told me. I was happy for them but my heart hurt as well. If you haven’t, see a specialist about what’s available for you and hubby. Best of luck to you
This is your husbands job. He needs to stand up for you to his parents and tell them to mind their own business, end of story.
People are mean. Cruel even. Sometimes people just suck. Your MIL sounds like one of those people. Rise above it. Something. Along the lines is if and when it’s meant to be it will happen. Leave it at that.
I’d either not answer at all, or say, ‘Why would you ask such a hurtful question?’ And then just look at her until she answers. It’s none of her business and you don’t owe her an explanation.
Prep yourself. Next time she makes a comment like that, in a calm but very feeling voice let her know clearly how you feel and state if she knows what you all have been through it’s heartless and cruel to make such comments and she should be ashamed.
I personally would just walk away every time the topic came up. Eventually they should get it. If they don’t they are all assholes.
Obviously your in-laws are ignorant. Very ignorant. I would tell them the truth, you’ve tried. You’re trying. It’s not easy for everyone and they should be ashamed of themselves. And go grandma for pointing that out… how awful that they would say that. You never know who the baby will look like. Your husband should stand up for you and say something to them! Don’t take their bullshit, speak up for yourself.
We got the same comments. The in laws already had 2 grandkids but they kept after my hubby when was he going to give his dad another grandbaby. It took us 5 years. My family never rushed or pressured us either.
Shut that bitch down tell her its non of her fucking business why you haven’t had kids #bitchalert