My in laws talk badly about my husbnd when he isn't around: Do I have a right to be offended?

Should I get offended that my in laws talk crap about my husband when he’s not around? It really breaks my heart for him. He’s a great person but has his flaws just like any normal person would. Most of it is about stuff that’s happened long before we met. (9 years ago) Should it bother me as much as it does?

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I would be FURIOUS. He’s your husband ,y’all chose each other. I’d tell them to stop or not go around family anymore if they can’t respect him or you.

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So his parents. It’s normal you feel bad.

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Yes you have the right to be mad! I honestly would have a talk with them about how it makes you feel. I would personally tell them they can’t come around until they can respect your husband.

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Yesss. Id be livid!! Stand by your man!! No matter what!! Even when hes wrong stand behind him and correct/ask whats was wrong in private💙

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Yes you should be telling him exactly what they are saying and then cut the assholes out of your life!

They are allowed to have issues with his past that you weren’t there to experience…you marrying him doesn’t change their history

Tell them to keep their put downs to themselves. You don’t have to deal with this. If they get offended, then tell them thats how they make you feel and they need not visit anymore. I heard a great saying from my late father which is, “Clean up your own Backyard” before pointing the finger. Good Luck. Defend you husband if they won’t listen.

You are his partner. You should have each other’s back.

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I wouldn’t be around anyone who’s talking bad about my husband. He’s the person I’m spending life with, and he’s the person I’ll love, support, and protect for the rest of my days.

They can have their opinions on their son, but if they don’t respect you asking them to not talk about him in a negative manner around you then I wouldn’t be around it.

Yes you have every right to be upset! Stand by YOUR MAN, always! I would stay away until they learn to control their comments

You and ur husband are supposed to be one and the same. To talk shit about him yes u should take that personally just as u would expect him to… u defend ur person in public and talk it out with them in private

If he’s learned from his past and is a better person then its uncalled for. You have every right to be mad.

You love and care for this man of course you have all right to be offended.
Trust and honesty is important in a relationship, find a way to break it to him (if he doesn’t already know)

One of my daughters took pictures from my photo album. They’re irreplaceable. She took originals and did not make copies. I am still angry at her. I don’t want her at my house because she takes what she wants.

I’d get everyone in a room and clear the air or nothing will change, wishing you the best of luck💖

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In my opinion if they don’t want to be respectful to all parts of your family they shouldn’t be in the picture til they can learn some respect

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Nobody has the right to tell you what does and doesn’t make you feel bad.

The past is the past and everyone needs to move forward.
You can politely ask them to stop. Explain to them that you think the world of him and it hurts to hear them talking badly about your husband. If they have any respect for you, they will stop. If not, you can remove yourself from their family gatherings because of the discomfort you feel from the gossiping. It’s unhealthy and such a social kill!

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My parents did this to my husband and I cut them off. I’m an adult and they can respect me and my house and my husband. My parents apologized after they knew I was serious.

Yes it should!! They may as well be talking about you! It’s absolutely disrespectful to you as much as it is him. They should know that if they wouldn’t say it to him, they shouldn’t say it to you.

Sounds like they need to move on if it happened 9 years ago.

Just tell them you love him and aren’t interested in hearing anyone put him down in any way.

I wouldn’t allow it. You bluntly say talk nice or gone. Husband before anyone else

I wouldnt hang out with my in laws if they spoke crap about their brother/son, that’s bloody horrible!!!

Yes you should and vice versa.

I would tell them that you are happy and he doesn’t do those things to you .

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His own parents? Yes, that should absolutely bug you.

I think they are trying to hurt you too

Make it clear you dont appreciate them constantly criticizing him when hes not there
And make it clear that you are not going to tolerate it at all. If they still do it, try to spend as little time as u can around them. People who love to do that are not happy people, and besides…they are not support for your relationship. Let them go if they continue

She you should be offended myother in law trys that but I shut her down do you know what that means especially if you children to the people that should live and care about their child they don’t and add insult to injury apperantly you didn’t care much about what you deserve but just wait till your children here that stuff and they start diresprcring their father too your not going to like it at all

Been through it as well. And it infuriated me to know end. I finally put my foot down and spoke up. I didn’t get disrespectful as much as I wanted to. But I did voice my opinion and put a stop to it real quick. You have every right to feel how you feel. You both are one talking bad about him is like talking ugly about you. Speak up don’t be afraid to defend your husband.

It certainly would bother me, and I would either try and stand up for him, or ask them not to talk about your husband like that.

Insist they refrain from speaking badly about someone’s behavior years ago. Offer to let a few cats out of their bags if they don’t shape up. I’m sure they have things in their past they would like to forget.

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I responded once with, oh is it open day to talk about everyone’s faults and failings? Great let’s do you next. They stopped immediately.:laughing:

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His parents and they talk bad at him very strange. That’s before, yr relationship us yr business, unless he hurt u and they know. They are fishing for something beware. Talk it out or ignore them

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Very sad that you have to endure this behavior​:cry: You love your husband and know him apparently better than his parents, next time stop them and say,” Since you feel so badly about my husband let us bow our heads and pray for him! God has forgiven him so let’s pray for your forgiveness! Then start a prayer from your heart thanking the Lord for changing him into the fine person he is today! Thank God that he gave him parents who raised him !:pray:t2: that is the only way to stop the bad mouth, do it every time they start up saying bad things about him! It may take a few times til they get the message but I do not think any thing else would work​:pray:t2::innocent:

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I’m currently going through this w. My husbands mother. She still talks crap about things he did when he was younger and always tried to drag him down. And I dnt put up w. It. Family or not, were supposed to have our significant others back even if that means w. Their parents 🤷

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If you sit there and don’t say anything, then they think you agree. Tell them he is a great person. Defend him. Don’t put up with it. Leave!

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Some families are cruel with their words…they DO need to be confronted. Not by you though…you’ll become their victim if you do- they’ll transfer the ‘bad talk’ to you if you say anything. Tell your husband…see what he says- i’ve found with toxic family- just see as little of them as possible xx

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You took vows. Why are you in a situation where you are around the in-laws that speak lousy of your husband ? You should not be around those in-laws. If your husband can’t walk away, and keep you protected from them, then you married a weak man. That can not be fixed. So, you then need to ask yourself a question. Between now and dead, do you want to live your life like this.

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Yes, hes your husband your soul mate. Their attacking him which means their attacking you. You need to stick up for your man. Only god is perfect and god forgives. Tell your husband what their saying be honest. Communication is one of the most into aspects in a marriage. Go to your husband so you can go together and talk to your in laws

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Why are you even questioning it? Yes, of course you SHOULD be offended they belittle him… if you aren’t then why are you with him?! As his WIFE you should be DEFENDING him! ask them to keep their opinions to themselves. You know , if they can’t say anything nice then say nothing at all!!!

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I would tell them you love him regardless of his past and to please not talk about him like that , because you just don’t want to hear it .

Hell yes it should bother you… same thing happened to me… I told his family member I did not want to hear ANYONE talk about my husband that way… and of course we no longer speak…but at least he knows where I stand.

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Your allowed to be bothered but the question is does this bother your husband… you don’t want to insert yourself in something and create a fuss if it’s something that he doesn’t feel is a big deal… if he doesn’t know then I would tell him what you witness and ask what he would like to do as a couple. Also if you say something he may get hurt that you don’t stop them… maybe talking to your husband about this would be best since he knows them best

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Don’t feel bad my in laws talk crap about me or I should say they used to untill I got angry and called them out on it in front of my husband in our home I told them either you show me respect or there’s the door and if you want a relationship with him I will not attend any family events until they apologiz it worked call them out on it in your home it will end trust me

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Been there… He’s your choice when they insult him they also insult you. With it being your in laws which would be his parents they also insult themselves. Some people are angry and never happy. Built him up lift him up be there for him. I defended my wife to her own parents on multiple occasions. I would get hour long lectures every time I would see them without her. Unfortunately they were right and she had 2 affairs on me so what do I know?

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You should ask them what he did back then has to do with today then ask them if they have been perfect. You could ask someone in the room to tell you about something someone else has done in the room. When you leave you turn to them and just tell them to let it go and look every single one of them in the eye.

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Hell yes it should bother you. Tell them how it makes you feel and ask them to stop. If they don’t record them then tell your husband you dont want to associate with them. If he persists in knowing why, tell him they disrespect him behind his back. If he doesn’t believe you, then you can let him hear the recording.

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Suggestion? Next time they say something negative about your husband maybe say something like, I don’t see it luke that at all. I see him as a great guy and husband then give examples of somethings he has done that made you feel very special. He deserves to have you on his side.

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It’s a family affair, just be his supportive wife. If your husband is doing well, he’s coping well.

YES. They should have more respect for you and him.

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If I love someone, I defend them No questions or support asked for… Give’m Hell!

You should speak up for him. Don’t let anyone talk about your husband like that. At least insist that they never speak like that in front of you.
The Bible tells us to respect our husbands. Allowing them to talk like this in front of you is like telling them you agree with them and I turn is disrespectful to your husband.
If the shoe was on the other foot you would want him to do the same for you.

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Put them in their place! Always defend him to anyone! If you allow it, it’s like agreeing with them and they will continue it. Stand up for your partner. Wouldn’t you want him to do the same for you?

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Sounds as if his family feels guilty about their shortcomings as parents

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Yes, they are being disrespectful to you and you should tell them to stop. Your silence signals you are ok with it.

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Stop them. Walk out of the room. Whatever it takes. U don’t have to listen to their bitching. Stand up for him.

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Yes. Its rude and messed up it should absolutely bother you and your husband and someone should tell them that they arent perfect and have flaws too.

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I would speak up for him. That is what my husband did when his mother would go after me. He would tell that is enough or just shut up.

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Just tell them you’re not interested in bringing up past history. You know everyone has a past but people move on. Just leave it at that.

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You need to stick up for him,and tell him what’s going on

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You need to tell your husband I would want to be able to confront my family if they did that to me. And don’t worry if it affects your relations with them because when you prioritize tour your loyalty lies with him before them.

Yes it should bother you. Ask them straight why they badmouth your husband behind his back. Ask them why they don’t say it to his face.

You should be ashamed to allow this what kind of wife are you

Don’t be around them and if hubby asks why , tell him

Sounds like they’re trying to run you off.

Yeah…I made the mistake of calling my mother in law out when she said crap to my husband…I might as well have poked a bear with a stick

Can’t believe this why their own son. What do they say about you when you aren’t around?

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Tell them about it. They prolly talk about you when you aren’t around.

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Yes. It can bother you. Afterall, he is still your husband. If your family loves and respect you, they should stop talking about him, especially if the issue/s are from 9 yrs ago. Let bygones be bygones. Perhaps, you can tell your family, you are not happy about them talking about your husband. Best wishes.

Let them know how good he is to you now and he isn’t that person any more.

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Let it go .u know him and what he is about. You love him that is all it is about.

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Just ask them WHAT do THEY tell HIM about YOU BEHIND YOUR BACK .
Kinda makes you Wonder :thinking:.
If a dog Fetches a bone so shall he Carry one. :wink:
Come back with something positive, They are Testing you.
SHAME ON HIS PARENTS, I BET HE RECEIVED ZERO PRAISE AND ENCOURAGEMENT GROWING UP. SMH :disappointed::pray::disappointed:

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Yes and you should say something to them

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Yes. He is your husband. 9 years means something!!!

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Yes! Absolutely. Say something.

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you need to confront them and take up for him

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Hell NO, I was raised to know that ppl talked about Jesus Christ Who are you? Let them talk but touching…

You should walk out the minute they start heur. Negative remarks!!

Yes, no one gets to talk smack about my husband.

I wouldn’t tolerate if minute

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You should never let anyone talk smack about anyone. It’s not even a question.

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Yes! Id say something!

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Stick up for your husband

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Just don’t be around them without your husband with you.

Michele Gannotta Prieto

Honestly, I’m a bit of a snarky bitch. I’d say something along the lines of “Whew! I’m so glad he was able to overcome the obvious trash that was his childhood and adolescence with you guys and get all of that out of his system! He is SUCH an amazing hubby now! Nothing like the trash you are spewing!, oh well, we all have those black sheep in a family, especially ones that get demented joy from tearing others down to feel better about themselves!” And just SMILE SWEETLY AT THEM.

Tell him and let him deal with it

Tell them to go fuck themselves
That just wrong on so may levels.

seriously what do you think???

Tell your husband and let him deal with his own parents if u say anything then they will be talking shit on u when ur not around

Defend your husband and tell them you don’t appreciate them disrespecting him. Not a chance would I tolerate anyone talking badly about my husband in front of me.

Defend him, make it known that you love him and won’t tolerate any negative talk about him. Then expect the same from him when they start doing it to you.

Ask them to please stop talking that way and let them know you will tell your husband and then they will be out of your lives and future grandchildren too. Tell them if they have a problem with him to talk to him and get it over for once and to move on forward but no more talking behind his back period.

She talks crap about her own son? Yea…I’d be offended too!

I would be offended and I would stand up and put an end to it.

My mother used to berate my husband in front of me. I wrote her a letter because I was too nervous to talk to her about it. I explained calmly that I am crazy in love with my husband and he is my life partner and I would not allow her to talk negatively around him. She apologized to me and it never happened again.