My husband and I been together for almost 4 years now I have two boys from a previous relationship and we have one boy together. I have noticed since our son has been born his family treat my children differently. I guess I didn’t notice it as much before but my kids have said something to me and it bothers them. Here’s some examples my husband grandma shows up on Easter with things for all the other kids in the family but nothing for my two boys (mind you I’m not saying to something expensive just acknowledge the fact that they are there) my MIL called me asking me if you could possibly take my son (my youngest) swimming at the YMCA okay no problem soo I say well you know the boys (older boys) would love to do that with you as well then instead I get the the runaround (I’m saying she could take them one day and the youngest another time)… I don’t know how to talk with my MIL about this without sounding mean I just feel like my children should be treated equally if you have a blended family… I understand that some people don’t see things that way sometimes but it’s more than just these situations… thank you for your time advice
I would just talk to her, it doesn’t have to be an argument or fight. I would say your older boys have brought something up & you noticed that they get treated differently. It hurts your feelings, as well as theirs & you wanted to bring it to her attention. If she continues to do it I would stop going over there, or at least limit how much she sees your kids, especially the one you have with your husband. Some people hear things and it’s in one ear out the other… they don’t understand or see how serious you are until you take a physical action. So limit the times she sees your child. Or straight up tell her you won’t be there with the kids unless all of them are getting something. Like you said it doesn’t have to be expensive, but just to acknowledge that they’re there. I don’t know if that’s extreme sounding or not, but your kids feelings are getting hurt.
Yes you bring that up and you just outright tell the whole family…not just her…all of them. If they can’t treat them all the same then they aren’t going to be around at all. You don’t treat one and not the rest.
Put your foot down. And don’t beat around the bush. Who cares how they take it…no kid gets left out.
Stand up for your kids. Period. Come what may. I’ve been on both sides (great in laws, not so great in laws)
I don’t care who gets mad 
my children are equals and should be treated as such.
My soon to be ex husbands family did that to my daughter once our son together was born. We went there weekly & they would always have a gift for our son but not even a $1 coloring book to acknowledge her. Between that & other issues I’m getting divorced. I will not tolerate my children being treated differently by “family.” Treat them equally or stay away from both of them. 
I was raised with an amazing family, though we are not blood, I was treated no different ever then my siblings who are biologically related, this includes my kids who now have great grandparents and great aunts and uncles, who love them with 0 issues.
Stand up for your kids… if they can’t treat them equal then that’s 100% not right.
I’d sit down and talk with them. My 3 girls get treated the same as every other grand kid in my boyfriends family they even introduce them as neices/ granddaughters I couldn’t imagine being a child and feeling left out it molds u into the person u r as an adult
It’s all or none in my opinion. If the in-laws can’t or won’t accept that, then they don’t get to see the biological child either.
Advocate for your babies. PERIOD. Love all or goodbye.
They’re kids!! Wtf is wrong with people! Let me know if you need backup 
Your husband should also be a part of this conversation.
Quit letting the youngest go. If you can’t acknowledge them all then dont take any of them. Period.
Tell your spouse to say something if he doesn’t tell your in laws yourself. If nothing changes then they don’t need to have any relationship with any of the kids.
I’m dealing with this now but my kids are their bio grandkids. They don’t call or send cards for birthdays but I see FB posts of elaborate gifts to their other two grandkids. (Mind you we have the 4 oldest grandkids out of 6).
My oldest has noticed and said something so we decided as a family to just step away from that side of the family. We are not going to ignore them but not put more effort in than they are.
Have your husband talk to his family. If they still pull the same crap by playing favorites with the kids , I would go no contact to Protect your kids from the emotional damage.
get ur hubby on board. if they can’t treat all equal stop visiting. if you don’t talk to her nothing will change
Your husband needs to speak up for them &you! Our oldest isn’t my husband’s bio kid but is treated like he is. I wouldn’t let any of my kids go with anyone if I felt they weren’t getting treated the same… that goes for blending or bio families
Does your children have grandparents on their father’s side? If not, you maybe could ask your in laws to help fill that void.
Otherwise you could suggest they utilize the time your other children aren’t with you in order to spend time with and spoil on your little one.
Stop letting her take the little one PERIOD! I dealt with this crap for many years and if you don’t stand up for your babies then who will!
Your husband needs to talk to his family about treating treating all equally. I’m from a mixed family and my kids are mixed family. I’ve seen what happens when kids are treated like that. Trust me. You don’t want it.
Girl! Id put their asses in check real quick! Its not right to the older boys and i would tell them that. And if it were my children they wouldnt see a damn one of them until they treated them all equally.
If she treats them like they don’t belong I wouldn’t honestly trust her with my kids at all. What kinda of person does that. Don’t let her take any of the children
Feeling this… Its easier now for me to not talk to the MIL. And that’s fine with me. Its been easy with covid and them being interstate
I feel like this is a conversation that needs to be had with your husband, not your mother-in-law. He has to claim them as his sons. As far as the pool is concerned 3 kids with one person is a lot to be responsible for and she doesn’t love your children she’s just tolerating them to avoid an argument so I wouldn’t want them to go to the pool with her anyway.
Completely understand your situation. Mine is with my own family. I have an aunt that tried to do this with my oldest daughter. Her brother is 7 years older than her. When she was a baby my aunt wanted to take her somewhere but not my son or at the same time. I put my foot down. If you want to see or do something with all my children that is great but if you play favorites or just want to acknowledge one child then you lose priveldge of my children, no matter who you are period. Needless to say my side of family does not know my children. Which does not bother them a bit. Now my baby who is 11 she has always been not included with my MIl. She is old enough and knew at 7 that her siblings especially her sister is nanas favorite so when there is times to stay at nanas, she refuses and I don’t make her stay. MiL did this all on her own so not my fault my youngest won’t stay with Nana. Not my or my daughters loss. It’s her Nana loss.
It’s such a hard thing to bring your kids into someone else’s life and have that expectation that they and the people around them are gonna just accept things how they should… you literally wind up feeling entitled or something trying to push it. I’m telling you it’s okay to be entitled and push it. Your husband chose to accept you and your boys as his own, after four years I guarantee he’s more than shown he’s in it for the long run. It’s okay to make it clear you guys are a WHOLE family and they aren’t allowed to favor one of your guys’ children over the other. Anyone that sees any problem with that shouldn’t be around any child
Your SO should address this topic. Unfortunately the bond will and might be different… at times your other children will be with father and your child wont be able to go… happens … good luck
This isn’t right, everyone knows that you don’t show up somewhere with gifts for only certain kids, you bring them ALL something. Same with taking a kid to a fun outing. If she can’t handle all of them swimming then she should ask you and your husband to go as well so everyone can swim. She’s flat out simply being a bitch. She’s a grown ass adult, you shouldn’t have to explain to her what it’s like to be left out, she knows what she’s doing.
You shouldn’t care if you’re mean or not. Those are your children. Just rip the bandaid off with them. And has your husband ever said anything? Does he see what you’re seeing?
I would stop letting family have alone time with the youngest since they don’t wanna include the two oldest.
And hopefully y’all can squash this, because the two older boys might grow up to resent your baby.
My husbands family treats my kids like that as well like they ain’t part of their family. So if they don’t acknowledge me or my kids guess my hubby isn’t going to be a part of anything as well since he knows it’s hurtful and has made me cry in the past because I’ve done a lot for his family. Birthdays, Easter, Xmas I bought his sister’s kid’s gifts even their stepchildren (and them & their SO) but they don’t buy me or my kids shit. Or even acknowledge them. My hubby told them if we ain’t welcomed neither is he.
That shit is straight up hurtful & kids remember that stuff. Shame on them 
I would just remove myself and my kids from the situation and not respond to them anymore.
I’ve been fortunate that my boys have both always been treated just like the other kiddos in my husband’s family.
But I’ve been in this position in the past. You ARE your kids voice. I’d tell my husband to speak up for them. Then if that didn’t work I’d go momma bear. No you can’t see my youngest son, if you can’t include the other two. Period.
Direct, respectful conversation. “I’d like to talk to you about something that I’ve noticed. There seems to be a difference in the way you treat my children vs the other grandkids. (List a few examples) It’s gotten to the point that my children are noticing and their feelings are hurt. I wanted to keep our communication open & talk to you about this so we can find a solution & move forward.” If you list examples and they fly defensive, you’ve hit a nerve that they may not even realize how they’re acting. It takes direct, honest conversation to mend issues like this and keep them from happening in the future.
If she can’t love them equally, then love none of them . No more time with them until she grows uo
If they can’t treat the kids the same then they shouldn’t see any of the kids at all until they treat them all the same.
If one goes, they all go. The older boys can ‘help’ with their younger brother. In my family there are no step anything. All treated equally
You are your children’s protecter and voice.
Talk it over with the other half to see how he feels and then regardless speak up to the perpetrators and lay down the law.
Honestly your husband should be the one to say something. Because no matter what you say, she could take it in a negative way and automatically you are the bad guy. And you don’t want issues with your husband, and you definitely don’t want to put him in the middle of you and his mom. (Even though of course the choice should always be you, men really don’t like having to choose sides)
He chose to be with you and take on your kids as his own, then his family should too. It’s unfair to CHILDREN. Cus at the end of the day they don’t truly understand “half siblings” anyways. Only people who are there for them and treat them well.
I’m so grateful for my boyfriend’s mom, we’ve been together for 4 years, and I have a son from a previous relationship and we have a daughter together who is almost 1. And ever since we became serious my MIL has called my son her grandson… even before we had a baby together.
I hope it gets better for you and the kids 
Talk to your husband. He should step in and set things straight
Sending good vibes
That’s tough… have this conversation with your husband and maybe have him speak to his mother about it. That’s not right that she brings your little one something on holidays an not your other children. Blood or not their family, they’re her grandchild by marriage.
I’m lucky enough that my in-laws have always treated my son (from a previous relationship) like their own. They call him their first grandchild, even though they aren’t blood related. Good luck!
Have him talk to them. That’s not fair to the kids
Either they treat all of the kids the same or they get a relationship with NONE of them. It really is that simple
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They love the family they were given. Do not worry about being rude or hurting feelings, they’re hurting your childrens feelings. If they only want one instead of all tell them no.
Your boyfriend/husband should address the situation. Its his mother and when yall decided to be a family he accepted your children as well. Speak with him about the situation and let him talk to his mother. Or maybe yall could talk to her together. Either way he needs to be there!
My mil treated my kids great till we moved in together and had our son. My husband stuck uo for my older kids and we have since cut her off. She is no longer alloweed around any of my kids. We actually have nothing to do with any
of his family but there has been alot happen other then the unfair treatment.
Your husband needs to do it. He should handle issues with his family. He also should feel and your children as his own, as they are part of his family. Three children, all equal.
They are your kids! It’s great when SOs family takes them in as theirs but they aren’t obligated to. They have the right to spoil their grandchild. I bet you don’t expect your ex’s parents to give your other son gifts or take him places. Why do expect them to? Supplement for your children. If you know grandma is making aN easter basket for your youngest make 1 for your other kids. Same with Christmas. If grandma takes your youngest swimming take that time with just you & your older sons to do something else. Be their parent!!! Stop expecting others to do your job.
Just simply say “hey, I have noticed little things here and there… -give a quick example- and the boys have noticed to. Either they are all receiving gifts and outings or none of them are and it’s not up for debate”
Your job is to protect your kids, not others feelings.
I also think your husband needs to be present for this convo and needs to have your back on it.
Talk to her that’s about all you can do. My mother had 5 of us 3 different fathers we all got treated differently by the grandparents thankfully we had grandpa L that loved me like his own he was in my life as a baby.
People r always treated differently…kids need to know this eventually
Nope I would not give a fuck. Be mean. As someone who BOTH sides treated me VERY differently from my older siblings and cousins it has left quite a bit of damage. Mind u it was all because I was my dads kid and they didn’t want my parents together. (Older 2 siblings have different moms) it has left me with basically no family to go to or for my kids to see because they have only met my oldest 1 time and stopped talking to me at the peak of my depression at 12. Be mean. If they can be rude enough to separate ur kids like that then as a mom u can be rude enough to demand they be treated equally or cut off all together
All of them or none of them at all.
She may not realise what she is doing is wrong. Maybe take her out for lunch and explain how you feel. She and you may be able to come to an agreement with regards special dates like Easter and Christmas. But she is allowed spoil her biological grandchild also, I don’t think stopping her from doing that is right. Maybe you could ask if you and your two boys could tag along to swimming or days out. But I would talk to her and tell her how your feeling and ask her to be more considerate towards them. Do the have any relationship with their own paternal grandparents? Maybe you could organise for them to have days out with them? Either way I hope it all works out for you and your kids x
That’s heartbreaking. They are kids and don’t understand. Unfortunately, some people don’t have the same mindset and you really can’t change that. You just have to do what you need, to protect your kids. Have a heart to heart with your husband, get him on the same page. Then hopefully, you two can have a heart to heart with his mother.
Tell them how you feel. Totally not fair at all.
My in laws did that to my girls. I have two daughters from a previous marriage and my husband and I had 2 miscarriages and couldn’t have any children together. My husband has raised my girls and is their Dad in every way. If you ask him he has two daughters, not step children. My in laws treated my sister in law’s daughter like gold and ignored my girls, 10 and 4 at the time. They would tell everyone they only had one grandchild. So I kept my girls away from hurtful situations. And made sure that when we had to be around them to make the best of it.
Its very Comman Sorry to say. Ive been the step child most of my life. I know how it was
So I have a slightly different situation. I’m with a guy going on 5 years. He has two kids from a past relationship 9,6 and I have two from past relationships 8,5. Then we have two together and one almost here 3,1. She yells at my kids when they do anything… I’m talking not picking up a toy. But his kids can do anything and she babies them. 9 year old stole packages and she was just like “oh honey it’s ok, it’s hard right now” 6 year old literally upper cut my 8 year old and she said “what did he do first?” I’ve basically stopped going over there at all with any of my kids. It’s a bummer because the grandpa is absolutely amazing with all of the kids
maybe she assumes between the ex and your parents that they already have enough people doing things with them. my hubs parents always treats mine the same but for the longest it was my daughter with him went to their house on weekends and my son from ex went to my moms but once my mom got sick/ended up dying and couldn’t keep him they started offering to let him come with her so he wouldn’t be left out. have your husband say something to her but in a non confrontational way…and see if that works. if it doesnt then tell him hes gonna have to get more serious. if someone blatantly kept my son out of the loop after being talked to nicely about it then they wouldnt see either of my kids. also, is she older? sometimes if they are older they are scared to have that many kids at one time because they cant keep up?
Your husband needs to step in. This is his family. You guys should both address this with them as a unit. You are a family.
Don’t beat around the bush. Shoot them straight. Let them know you appreciate them and want them to be involved in your entire family’s life. Not just one child. All or none.
I told my family, treat them all equally or don’t see any of them , not fair to the children
Shes being mean! So just tell her you don’t appreciate differences being made between your children, they get treated the same or not at all! Simple! If they bring gifts for one child and not all, that’s sick and cruel! Id hand her that shit back and say no thanks!
It’s sort of the same with me. I have 3 children my husband none. We can’t have kids together. My kids have been around 6 years and call her granny. They think of his family as family and she tells them and everyone she thinks of them as her grandchildren. My kids get $20 for their bday and Xmas. She spends hundreds on her other grandchildren. My kids have started to really notice and have commented on it. I get it’s not about the money but it’s about treating all kids the same. My family would never dream on doing that. In saying that we never got a gift on our wedding but she already telling me about everything she doing and getting my brother in law for his in February.
To all of you who say “you can’t expect them to” yes you can. If they can’t do it for all then they don’t need to do it for one. Miss me with the whole “they have a right to spoil their grand baby” cause the parents also have that right to say no.
All go or none go. If you can’t buy for all then don’t buy for any. If I were you I would just politely tell them no thanks when they buy or get or want to do for the youngest. All children should be treated the same whether they are blood or not.
Shame on them it it not right I had step children and I did my not to make a difference
I would tell them just that. They need to treat all of the kids equally or none of them will be coming around.
They are not obligated to play the role of granparents to your children. When ppl have a first grandchild it’s a big deal. It’s special and even tho they may not intend to. That first grandchild is the shit. It’s the moment a grandparent realizes the love they have for that child. Similar to a mother’s first born. You have no right disregarding this moment for them. If You continue to take this moment away from them and making them feel bad for not threating your kids exactly the same , they will end up resenting your kids. As long as they show your kids love respect and kindness let it be. Your kids need to understand that the new baby IS their grandbaby. Again any affection they show your kids is because they want to. They def dont have to show them anything at all.
I dont agree with it either but this is where you and your family step in.
I am assuming that you have parents diblings aunts uncles etc. Hopefully they are part of your childrens lives.
Speak to your husband. They are his family and he should be the one to talk to them.
I know how they feel. I only knew one grandmother. 2 of us are from my father’s second marriage. This grandmother really didnt acknowledge us. I always felt we were an afterthought.
Mil out of order. Of course she’s going to feel differently but to show it . Wrong . I was the odd one out in same situation yrs ago. Let your kids know you have their corner. You have the power to sort this out . Find your voice your husband should 
have your back!!!
Call her out and put it all on the table, sge can either treat them all equally or not see any of your children
Girl my kids are all from my husband and my mil still doesn’t really try and have a relationship with them… She’s says it’s hard because they don’t know her but she’s the one that made the choice not to get to know any of my girls…
All or none. All these children are their family.
Of course talk to them about it first but they must be made to realise they must treat all the children equally …or they dont see any of them
Girl, sound mean! Those are children! You want one you take them all or you get none PERIOD
All or none. That is disgraceful to treat innocent children like that. I’ve been the child in this situation and it hurt. It still bothers me as an adult, not not to such a large degree. Your husband also needs to say something and those are his parents. They need to quit that or you need to refuse to allow visitation unless it’s equal.
The are equals and should be treated as such talk with your husband
If you can’t treat all of the children that I claim like mine then you don’t deserve to be a grandparent to any of them. You NEVER hurt a child that way. It’s mean and petty. Grown ups should know better!
I mean she obviously doesn’t care about them enough, maybe if you offer to pay for your other children’s expenses if she takes them she’ll be willing to, I read you offered her to take them, but never offered to pay for the trip, if she’s not willing to invite them maybe it’s because she doesn’t want to pay for them since she doesn’t feel that close to them
They wouldn’t see any of my kids🤷🏼♀️
I have no advice for you as mine and my husbands parents do really well treating ours the same but if they didn’t I would feel like I would have to say sorry what you do with one you do with all. Even if she doesn’t want to take them all at the same time but they all need to have something special. My parents do that they will take the kids individually and do something with each one one on one but all of them. Except for our “our” baby cause he’s only 2 and doesn’t like being away yet
His family needs to understand that he chose you and your own kids as his family. He loves them as his own as well. You are your kids voice. Tell your in-laws that they treat all of your babies the same or they are out of your kids lives until they can treat them all equal. Stand your ground momma and tell your in-laws off. Your husband needs to stick up for you and your kids too since he got with you and them.
Going through same thing!!
I can relate. The ones that love them will love them like crazy the ones who won’t that’s fine you can set back and watch them have a bond. It’s weird because we have always loved all the kids in the family and have always done alot with them and then we get our child at 6 years old and nothing from some. I can honestly say my brother in law and his wife loves our child and goes above and beyond for him while the ones who doesn’t want to except him can set back and watch them have a great relationship and our children do too. His Aunt picks him up from school everyday right now. He wanted to join archery and we wouldn’t of been able to make the practices at the moment and she volunteered to pick him up and take him.
Dont do for one if she cant do it for all of them. You need to tell them that. and you should not let one go. Just say no not today Sorry!!!
Disfavored child status is abuse and is long term harmful so just inform the discriminatory relatives that all singular gifts will be sold and the proceeds will buy gifts for all the children but they will still get credit for their contribution
I’d be straight up about it, say it’s bothering the kids they have noticed and brought it to my attention and I now see it as well. Say it’s all or nothing🤷🏻♀️ & if you husband disagrees then he’s apart of the problem as well. I wouldn’t let the youngest do anything the oldests can’t
Don’t want all of them don’t get any… when grandma brings a present for just one I would say no thanks that’s not fair on the other two so you can have it back…
I grew up being this kid, I remember one time being the only one not included in the group photo with all the grandkids. My mum just gave me lots of love that day
How do I get rid of this? Please.
You should talk to your husband about it, he should stand up for your kids…. I’d quit going around my family if they ever treated my stepson different or looked at him any differently
When I was younger i got treated worse than my brother by extended family. My brother and I have the same parents. Now i don’t contact those people. I would suggest speaking to your husband and have a new rule that your kids are packaged deal. They want to take a kid swimming? Ok but only if they take all of them. They don’t treat your kids the same on holidays? No more meeting up around holidays. Your husband should say something to his family. If their attitude doesn’t change then i suggest meeting with them in a public place a couple times a year, never around holidays or birthdays. If that doesn’t work then I think everyone would be better off without knowing that part of the family.
The saying ’ Treat them,love them like my own’ is easier said than done 
If you want the truth… more times than not it’s complete BS that ppl throw around for clout. It’s impossible to love your step kids as if you carried them for nine months and gave birth to them the 
you feel towards step kids will always be different.
Let the replies come IDC but I grew up in a step family and it’s just not true as a step kid you ALWAYS feel the division to some degree. It appears in your specific case your family just has NO shame in actually showing that difference. Probably because they don’t feel as if it’s wrong. If it bothers you talk to them but chances are it won’t change.
They won’t change,unless it’s brought to their notice that it upsets your older boys but your husband needs to speak to them, it won’t cut it coming from you. Sorry seen it many times, sound never happen.
My step Nana treated my sister and I like we were her grandchildren. She would have us for school holidays.
Your in-laws need to be aware of how it is affecting your older kids, your husband needs to talk to them. It could have detrimental effects on the kid’s.
Your husband needs to get his spine out and let them know if they can’t be respectful and treat all the kinds the same (within reason for their ages) then they won’t be seeing them outside of large family gatherings.
I was in this situation when I was a kid. My dad’s wife’s parents treated me as an outcast and it was really tough.
Sounds like you just need to be straight up with her and tell her she’s being unfair. If she gets offended then so be it, not a loss for your kids whatsoever. You have to stand up for your kids, they should feel/be included always. Trust me when I say it’s hurting them.
I would not be allowing gifts for any of the kids then, or outings. Unfortunate for the kid, but even more damaging to the others to watch it go down any other way.