You Definitely need to bring it up and to there attention and there adults and shouldn’t be choosing what kids they want to be nice to or provide for that’s ridiculous and If they can’t treat them equally then they don’t need to be around at all …
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I’m a grandmother of a blended family with my son and I don’t make any difference between the children. I refuse to even call her a step grandchild. She is my granddaughter the same as the others. Talk to them and let them know it’s unacceptable to make a difference.
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All kids should be treated fairly and loved when brought into a family from a previous relationship.Period.Definately say something, because your kids deserve better than that
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came to say the same thing. Kids are kids. Simple you treat them all the same your husband choose to except you with kids and I’m sure loves and treats them as his own so his family needs to do the same or they don’t need to be involved in any of their lives. You kids have already expressed how that it bothers them if it continues it will only make things worse and they can grow to resent you in the long wrong because if nothing changes they are going to feel you did nothing to fix it and that it doesn’t matter. Say something mama stand up for your babies. If the MIL doesn’t like it tough luck
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You need to bring this up to MIL. Every bit of this is wrong. Get your husband to help too getting this message across. A gift for one is not ok. Either they all 3 get a gift or nobody gets one.
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You should always treat the kids the same no matter what
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I personally believe you should discuss this situation with your spouse so he understands your view, and then the both of you approach your mil together. No child should ever feel any less, and I can’t stand when an adult who knows better is behind it.
I would definitely say something mama, you’re their voice. 
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I can most definitely relate!!! Wish I had an answer for you… I basically went the “let them know it’s messed up and bothers your kids” route but I kind of wished I hadn’t cause now I feel she only invites them cause she feels obligated, and I don’t want anyone around my kids that don’t really want to be. Period.
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My mother in law did same thing. Worst was brought all grandkids to see the Easter bunny and didn’t let my daughter take a pic
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They need to be treated equally!! If not then I’d have to have a good talk !!
Definitely have a chat! Just let them know it’s upsetting your babies
I tell everyone, if you can’t take all, you can’t take none.
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Following. Mine pretends my daughter doesn’t exist.
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If your kids are noticing. Mer personally, I would be having her for coffee and just laying it all out. You don’t get to choose, you don’t get to play favorites. Your either all in or not on at all.
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“Can’t buy for all, don’t buy for any” “ can’t take them all for activities, don’t take any” they are all children and deserves to be treated equally. Do not spare a grown adults feelings when your children’s feelings are not being taken into consideration! You are their voice. They buy for one, pack up what they got and give it back and explain why. Your kids have voiced it to you so you can voice it to the in laws. Your kids could one day resent you for sitting back and allowing it. Have your husband there as well to speak with her. Both of you need to do it.
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I’m marry my fiance in 2weeks, he’s helped raise my 14 year old daughter since she was 3yrs old, they have a great relationship. She also has a great relationship with his parents (her bio dad and bio grandparents haven’t seen her since she was 2) but it took a while for his parents cuz I think they weren’t sure at the time there 24 year old son was getting into, but after talking with his mom bout a year in things got better. They never single out we don’t use words like step in our family because my daughter has only ever known his family since she was 3, my FH hubby is her dad and his family is her grandparents.Talk her bout your feeling when I did it made a difference my MIL had no idea she was singling my kid out.
Why does your husband allow this? It’s his family.
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My MIL was doing this until I put a complete stop too her seeing any of the kid’s. She was only buying shit for her granddaughter and not my boy’s. I don’t play with shit like that. If you can’t treat them all like grandkids, then you don’t get to see your biological granddaughter at all.
I would definitely talk to her about it your poor kids shouldn’t feel like that she needs to understand it’s one in all in or none at all
A blended family is hard. Me and my fiancé had to make it clear if one goes they all go. Granted my step son gets stuff from his mom and does stuff and my kids get stuff from their dad. But as far as grandparents and aunts/uncles all go above and beyond
Next time she visits, in front of everyone, have your other 2 boys tell her how they feel. Let them express to her what they feel, see what her reaction is. If it’s anything other than showing love and support and changing her ways, then that’s proof she’s doing it on purpose. I’m so sorry.
Your MIL should acknowledge these our children, and what she is doing is hurtful to them , especially getting all her bio kids gifts only , I get their not hers but how can she hurt the children, I am I’m same situation, and have step grandkids and their siblings and I get gifts for all. For a grown ass woman to do that to a child is just wrong I don’t care who they belong to.
As the father he needs to say something to his parents. They are all his kids and that goes for his parents too.
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I had this problem in the beginning. I got my spouse involved. Basically that Christmas was everyone is equal or we don’t go and you don’t see any of the kids. Well they didn’t see the kids for awhile. Now we are all on the same page. That was 6 years ago.
You don’t want to be mean? Your kids feel a different wY because of how they are now treated You need to tell her either treat all the same or you don’t get to see any of them PERIOD I have been in your kids shoes and its messed me up And it was tried on my kids Be a Mama Bear 
Its not right and truly hurtful
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I have been with my husband for 4 years now, he has 3 girls ages 5,8,9. My two are 13&14 our families treat all 5 kids exactly the same. If his mom takes his she takes them all for the day. My mom doesn’t live here but she always buys all gifts for all the kids… all the kids know they get treated the same all the time. In the past I was in a relationship where my kids were ignored and neglected by the mama family and I wasn’t allowed to ask his son who lived in my house questions. I ended that relationship and kicked them out. All kids need to be loved equally.
Start saying no. Tell her why you are saying no. Then it’s her problem to fix because you have made her aware. Husband also needs to learn to say no.
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My kids are a “package deal” always been my rule. My older 2 My husband has raised since they were 4 and 1. They are all equal.
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I would be saying something to the in laws, to my husband about this cause it’s wrong period
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Unpopular opinion!
Some of us just aren’t able to bond with everyone put in front of us. NOT TO BE MEAN! We just can’t fake an attachment.
It’s not that we don’t acknowledge that person, but there is no connection and although time has passed they still feel like a stranger.
Perhaps this is how she feels. She isn’t trying to be cruel, although it really does come across that way to those who don’t understand.
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As a kid who dealt with that growing up say something ASAP …. It’s a really shitty feeling when you’re the kid
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I’m the step parent and my mom refuses to accept any of her step grandchildren (my brother also has step children) my dad totally accepts them all because he too is a step parent. I’m told to just forget it because she’s “stuck in her ways”
I feel the worst for my middle son. His biological grandma on his mom’s side passed away and his grandma on his dad’s side (my mil) doesn’t give two hoots about him (she only cares about his older brother, she doesn’t even care for my youngest son who is my bio son). So he really doesn’t have anyone to be a grandma.
If your in laws can’t treat them all the same then you don’t except gifts for just the one child from them and the one child doesn’t go with them.
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Stop letting them take one child without the others. I understand some people take longer to bond, but that’s no excuse to not try to bond with them. No excuse for not giving them something if all the others are given something.
Say something now and explain how it’s hurting the kids not just you. If they don’t understand and they don’t make an effort to change or fix it, I wouldn’t be around them🤷🏼♀️
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Went through the same thing with my ex’s family. I finally told them they don’t see any of my kids even tho one is their blood. They still to this day haven’t seen my one that’s in their bloodline and it’s been almost 3 years. It’s a hard situation and I really hope you can get it figured out without any issues. It caused a lot of issues in my relationship, hence why he’s an ex now. All the prayers and good vibes for you momma, follow your gut on these situations
No put your foot down… my in laws started to do this and it’s not ok! So they no longer see the kids cause they couldn’t quit being bias towards my oldest who their son has raised since she was 6 months old 
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Don’t let her take any of the kids until she understands it’s all or none 
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As an adult who had something similar happen as a child. Say something or don’t allow them to be around any of them. We have a very blended family was always pretty close but once I was middle school high school age. My mom was married to my youngest sisters dad and honestly he was a dick. Mind you I lived with them primarily I was always excluded from family vacations and trips. Can’t tell you how many times i didn’t get to go to Disney or universal or etc. worse part my oldest sister who was 10yrs older and had a child of her own was always invited too. Still bothers me today at 31.
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As a kid who KNEW my cousin (everyone is blood related here though) was and still is the favorite. Please talk to the family about it. Maybe ask the older two for input on what they would like you to talk to grandma about.
I never knew my parents talked to my grandparents about it. They still to this day deny having a favorite but EVERYONE else knows this one cousin is the favorite even at 30 years old.
I’d be open with the older boys.
“I would love your opinions on what you would like me to say to grandma, I will not mention you said anything but want you to know I am saying something and want your feelings heard. This doesn’t mean she will change her ways but your feelings will be made known.”
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If your husband won’t say sh*t to his mother then you need to lay down the ground rules yourself. She doesn’t want all kids then none go. Simple as that.
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If your inlaws are like that I doubt you can change their bad manners.
Simply tell her it’s making your children feel bad. They are only kids they deserve to be happy and well loved equally. My oldest son has a different dad and his grandmother is taking my husbands and my daughter eith for a weekend this month. My husband was a little hesitant and thought it was weird. I told him it’s not because one we know she is safe with her and 2 she’s always treated her the same and gets our kids Christmas gifts and easter. The kid just sees her as a bonus grandma and loves her. Anyway I would tell her all the kids or none. Don’t let her just take one.
My mil is the same way except my kids are my husbands biologically she will say shes gunna take them for the night then right before we head over its oh shoot I forgot all about that I told sis I’ll watch William tonight maybe I can take them another night(even tho she had been telling them all week they can come) or going to the parks or carnivals or zoo’s and stuff with her other grandkids then when we ask her to come with us its “oh my ankle kinda hurts that would kill me” or getting pics professionally done with her other grandkids and barely even posting pics of my kids on facebook
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I would speak to your husband about this…let him know your feelings and the examples you just expressed and have him talk to his family. Usually when these things arise it’s better for their own son or daughter to explain it to them and come up with a solution. As a mother you’ll run on pure emotions if you talk to them and it could make the situation worse.
I think it’s your husband’s job to talk it out with his parents and fix it. Having kids prior to marriage makes you a package deal and he should break that down to them, especially because it should bother him as well. Blending family’s is hard but good healthy communication helps a lot. You don’t want to hold that resentment in our have your children do that as well because it will make them resent their brother even though it’s not his fault.
As I have told everyone because my first and second son have different dads then eachother. They come together or none at all. If you don’t treat them all equal you won’t be hearing from us again🤷🏼♀️
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Sadly, you will not be able to change the way they are, it is what it is. Amazing how crappy and uncaring a human can be. However, you can fix the situation by everytime they ask for the youngest one, your husband replies with, “thank you for the invite, we will have to pass as it’s unfair to the other sibling and causes hurt feelings, but we hope you have a great time”.
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I handled with if you can’t do for all them don’t do for just one. I don’t care who got mad. That just isn’t right.
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I hate it when someone does somthing mean to us and our children yet we are always worried about coming off mean to the actual mean ones when we approach the situation .
Tell her no favoritism aloud . It’s wrong . Kids know when they are being treated different .
Or cut her off for a few months .
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The fact the kids notice speaks volumes. State your feeling and those of the children if they can’t understand where you’re coming from don’t force the issue but limit their accessibility or Cut them off entirely if they refuse to stop being disrespectful. Eventually the children will voice their feelings directly its the grandparents loss
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Whether it’s your family or his… Every child should be treated equal… And for a child to notice the difference on how family/extended family treats them, you know it must be pretty bad… You and your husband should be facing this together on your feelings and how those said children are being treated… Your husband/wife should be involved in all of it with you when it’s their family… That way stories don’t get twisted… Or that you are over reacting… Hope it all works out… Children Matter!! They are the future… 
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Your husband needs to step in and handle the situation otherwise none of them go.
I married a man with 2 children, at the time they were 3 and 5, my family had a hard time accepting them due to the fact they weren’t “blood” mine. My sister and I had a huge argument a few years after we were married trying to throw them under the bus, saying that there weren’t mine, blah, blah, blah. It turned into a screaming match between the two of us, yes, I may not have carried the them, but they are still mine. I let her know that they didn’t have to be crotch snots like hers! We since ironed this out and they are now at least invited and spoken to when they are at family functions. We have been married18 years now, the youngest just got married herself, so yes they are my kids. It’s tough to be in a blended family especially for the kids as they don’t understand.
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All or none. You need to put your foot down and set some boundaries for your children’s sake. You don’t want the older boys resenting your youngest over something he has no control over. Fair across the board or she doesn’t hangout with the youngest either. If it’s too much for her to actually take them all out she can come visit all the children at your home. Do not let her do that to your family.
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If you force it on the judgemental, unaccepting crap grandma, she’s just gonna be mean to em when you’re not around. She’s speaking loudly without saying a word.
I’d talk to my boys about it candidly if they’re old enough, and they may just choose to not have her in their lives…
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You definitely need to have a talk, while I can understand not wanting to take 3 kids to the pool by herself, I would definitely tell her in the future if she can’t get one gift for each kid, then please just exchange gifts before you get there because she can just not give gifts to any it is heartbreaking.
I understand you completely because my mother in law is the same with my children. I am this close to start 3rd world war with her! 
I know exactly how you feel it’s horrible to see and kids do notice …never could understand it myself but say it to her she probably will stop speaking to you but your doing the right thing xx good luck
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My grandmother picked favorites with even her biological grandkids and guess what? We all resented each other and have nothing to do with each other even though we are close in age.
All or none. Your husband should say something. However, you may have to deal with her being ugly towards your kids because you said something. Then you just have to cut her off. Your husband married a package deal and his family has to respect that.
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As bad as it sounds I quit having anything to do with my mother because of this. She wanted something to do with my bio 3 when it was convenient for her or made her look good but my 2 step sons she had absolutely nothing to do with. No holidays or birthdays. Now that I’m trying to get pregnant again she is mad I’m not letting her be apart of that child but if she can’t have anything to do with ALL 5 then she definitely ain’t having anything to do with my bio 3 or 4 or however many I choose to have! A blended family becomes 1 family!!!
Honestly I’ve been through this. I treated every child in the family as 100% family, every sibling, cousin, step kid all got equally fairness and gifting at xmass ect…
Yet my kids got treated crap because I dare stand up to mil, or who ever wants to stir crap that month…
I cut off everyone who didn’t make an effort consistently
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It doesn’t hurt to try and bring it to their attention. Maybe even letting them know that your older two have noticed. Good luck mama
Maybe she feels the same and doesn’t know how comfortable you feel with her taking them also. Just strike up a gentle conversation about it and let her know they feel excluded sometimes.
NOPE…no no! Not acceptable. I went through this with my sibling when I married a man with a daughter.
If you can’t buy for her then I will not accept gifts for my boys. They should all be treated equally and you have the right to demand that!
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Ask for a sit-down to address a few things. I have a step granddaughter. Now that we know her good she is treated equally. We never buy for one and not the other. Discipline is same, depending on age, if she cares she will take the time to get to know them instead of walking away and not trying. Those babies should be treated equally always. Same love same everything. Good luck and hope all works out.
I wouldn’t confront her on your own. Your husband should make it clear to the family that he considers all of the children to be his own and that they should be treated equally. If not, some boundaries may need to be put into place that they may not like.
never worry about sounding mean when it comes to standing up for your kids.
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I’m so sorry to hear your MIL is treating your boys this way, definitely have a chat with your husband and come up with a plan together to have a chat with her regarding how you feel about this.
I’ve been blessed with my MIL I came into my relationship with 4 kids and a grand baby on the way and she excepted all of us with open arms.
Those kids will be hurt enough times they won’t want to go to gatherings anymore. I don’t agree with the way the family is being. I have step nieces and nephews and I love them all the same! They are still part of the family. Why others don’t see it I don’t understand but it definitely irritates me when others are different towards them.
Talking to her and saying your husband accepts them so why can’t you should be enough to get that hump out of the way. Or asking your husband why this is how things are might help and get him to notice a difference.
I’m sorry it shouldn’t ever be about the “blood” when step children are involved because they truly are bonus kids!! It should always be about the kids no matter. How would that woman feel if their grandma treated her grandson differently? She wouldn’t like it.
I have a tough time letting people be mean or talking rudely to my children and I say things because I don’t need you in their life…. They want you in their lives don’t make me or them regret it. 
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Just talk to her and tell her how you feel. Your mother in law may not even realize the difference she is making between your kids.
Either do for all of them equally or nothing at all. It will cause your two boys to have issues with the family bc of how they are treated and the family will act like they have no idea why your kids are acting that way.
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Mine don’t even see them unless it’s a holiday. And they live 15 minutes away 
There comes a time when you just give up and hang back. That’s all you can do.
Seriously just tell her you are working on blending your family. Your boys feel left out and you don’t want to start a rift between your kids in the future …so no. Unless you can take them all we won’t be doing that. I’m sure you understand?
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Nope. My response would be “they all go or none do.” Or “dont buy one something but not the others otherwise you wont be coming around.” I’d cut them off in a heartbeat. Dont let your kids be hurting.
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My 2 older sisters have a different dad than I (theirs is the same) and he remarried and had 2 more girls. We were all close growing up. I’d take their little sisters to the movies, bowling, etc. Well, over the last 16 years, that’s all changed. My older sisters go with their dad and family on numerous trips, parties, family holidays… It’s been made clear I’m not welcome and obviously never invited. I’m 37 and it still bothers me.
All or none. Put your foot down. Hubby needs to have a sit down with his mama. I’m sure she’s fully aware of her calculating actions. Even your children see it. Put an end to it now. They’re your kids, and your husbands. It’s your duty to protect them.
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If you can’t treat all kids the same they don’t deserve to see any of the kids. It causes so many problems between sibling especially if they are already noticing. It will wreck any chance of a bond with their sibling.
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That breaks my heart, when I was married to my ex my family treated his daughter the same as our boys & still do after the divorce
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I’d say talk 2 ur hubby 1st then both sit and talk 2 her. My sister is only my half sister but my dad’s side treated her just the same. Vice versa. If she treated them the same before u had a child together then u might think of asking what changed. She may not even realise she’s treating them any different. Ithatdont change things then u might want 2 sit down with ur hubby and state that if she can’t accept all then she gets none.
My IN LAWS are the same my husband is their only son. (FIL is second husband who adopted husband when he was a toddler)
SIL is theirs together. We have 5 kids 4 adopted through foster care and a kinship placement that is our oldest daughters sister, that we hope to adopt.
SIL has 4 biological and 2 Step kids.
My kids know their cousins are favorites its so obvious and so painful
Im going through the same thing only difference is I’m not married and we have no kids together. Thank goodness!!! But my 2 littles get thrown to the birds by my in laws and my step daughter is the princess. Ugh it bothers me and when I mention something to my bf he don’t see any problem. I don’t trust anyone with my kids without my supervision but at least offer. And if I say no then it’s different.
You need to talk to them and explain how you and your children feel.
Most times when someone let’s a person know what they are doing wrong they stop doing it.
If that does not work get your husband to speak to them.
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Sometimes you just have to be mean. My mil treated my husbands first born with all the love she has. Telling her she’s gonna buy her this and that and take her here and there to all these expensive places and then barely pays attention to my husbands second born. And now that I’ve had my own kid she will barely see her as we purposely moved really far away. She won’t ever get to have her visit for the summer like she keeps saying because of the way she treats the other two
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My mother did that too.
She only take my oldest and buy her things and ignored my other two children.
So one day I told her
" buy for all 3 kids, or don’t buy anything at all.
Shortly after that, she started changing her ways.
So my solution would be… if you can love them ALL equally, then you get to see NONE of them.
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I’d be straight and say gifts for all or none. It’s not the price is that rejecting or hurting one sibling hurts them all. She may not be fully aware. Chances are she doesn’t view your kids as her family. I’m sorry for her actions. Take a hard line Mumma.
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In my opinion I feel like this should be something that you and your husband bring up to her directly. Your husband took you and your boys as a package deal and ao should the rest of the family! If they were to continue bringing stuff for your youngest and not the other two I would simply give it back and if they can’t take all the kids then I would tell them no your youngest isn’t going. Its not about being mean but it’s more about showing your oldest two that,that’s not how you treat people blood or not.
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Oh you have gifts for one not all of our children. We will be leaving. That’s cruel to do to children and I will not allow any of my children to feel left out or unloved. You give to all or you give to none. Bottom line.
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I think you and your husband should sit down with your inlaws and lay everything out on the table. Give then exampled of how the 2 oldest are being treated differently and then tell them they all get treated the same way or dont do anything for any of them
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You need to address this IMMEDIATELY! Your two children have already noticed the difference and it will cause a divide between them and your youngest son. Sit your MIL down and lay your cards on the table. Do not let her manipulate you with excuses. Tell her it either stops or there will be no visitation. Probably wouldn’t hurt to have your husband hear this also so it isn’t misconstrued in her retelling and she will tell him. Good luck
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Say something, now. Do not let this continue. It will cause a separation between your children
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I experienced this with my step moms family growing up. They always did things with my youngest half sister but excluded myself and my other full blood sister and it absolutely broke our hearts. I swore to never let that happen to my kids. I have 2 kids that don’t biologically belong to my husband and we are expecting our 2nd baby today (4 kids total). My oldest 2 boys biological dad and family members aren’t involved in their lives. My husband nor my in laws treat my kids any differently from our daughter we have together but if they did, I’d make sure my husband and myself brought it to their attention and let them know that they can either treat our kids equally or not “treat” any of them at all. And if my husband let his family get away with treating our kids different we’d also have problems. They’re innocent children and should always feel fully and equally loved from all people in their lives.
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I’m sure I won’t be popular for my opinion. How do your children behave? Do they spend time with THEIR extended family on their fathers side and or father. Does the other side take your newest child. When families are blended, raising is different. I am in this situation, sometimes the bond just isn’t there and that’s true from the children as well. If they are disrespectful, cause turmoil, etc…it’s hard for any grandparent to want to spend time with that child blood or not. Not stating that is the case just something for you to think about. My grandson had a complete different “attitude” he doesn’t talk back, he cleans after himself and follows simple rules. When we spend time with the kids, blood or not we want it to be a fun time, not stressful and not enjoyable.
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Do your ex in laws…the other grandparents take their grandchildren to activities? If so do they take the youngest who isnt their grandchild as well? You can blend your family but you cannot make other ppl blend. You should discuss this with your MIL and share your feelings to get clarity on the situation. But you should not want ppl to spend time with your children out of guilt or shame. If they wanted to take all the kids they would. Children understand and feel when they are not wanted and you should never put them in that position. I know many blended families that the grandparents take their grandchildren to activities but only their grandchildren as harsh as that sounds. Good luck.
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First of all when your husband married you keep major signs as well I have a blended family I have never ever ever called my three Blended daughters anything but my daughter when I married their mom I married them as well secondly your husband needs to grow a set he is someone who needs to set his family down and explain to them you have children who may not be biological but they are his sons as well it should not be your place good luck and God bless
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I hear this and my blood boils. My mother was granny to many because I looked after friend’s kids at times. I have blood grandchildren and heart grandchildren and discrimination isn’t a word in our family. Extended family works as well.
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This is very hard to find the best answer not knowing how they feel about you. Blood loves blood and with so many women who have multiple children with multiple men it makes it hard to always include all the children when buying things for them. Not judging but from experience they think the “other grandparents/aunts/uncle takes care of their own family member. I’m glad my step grandchildren were grown because they were not good people.
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Your husband needs to address it, and he needs to do it now. It’s his responsibility because it’s his family. You trying to fix the situation won’t get you far.
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