Mom’s I need suggestions. My kids (9&10) are so messy it’s unreal and embarassing. I understand being messy is part of kids in generally but this is just blatant disrespect is all I feel like. I will come in a room and there will be food wrappers just laying in the middle of the floor… or they will eat popcorn and it will be ALL OVER the place for example… they will leave cups and plates and whatever just wherever they feel like it even though it literally take no effort to put it in the dishwasher and they don’t seem to Care at all and they do it everywhere… my parents, my grandparents, aunts… like it’s embarrassing because I don’t understand why they do it… I’ve tried grounding them, I’ve made them clean the entire house by themselves, I’ve yelled and lost my tenper… I’m at the end of my rope because my parents get on my butt about it like I’m just allowing it and it honestly put a huge breaking point on my relationship because 3 years of my partner telling them over and over every single day with me gets old to anyone… wtf do I do?!
I had the same issue with my kids. I started calling them out of their room or whatever they were doing and started making them clean it up. I don’t care if you just got up the stairs and don’t want to come down. Get down here and clean your mess they started realizing I was going to keep calling them and they would have to stop what they were doing to clean it up so they stopped. Too bad I don’t make them clean the house or really even any chores I do everything so the least they can do is clean up after themselves
Take away ALL the things until they start showing initiative
I make my kids clean up after themselves if they’re having a snack and they leave their trash there and try to go to another room I immediately call them right back and I stand over them until they pick it up and put it where it goes and my house growing up if you used a dish you clear it you wash it you throw your trash away. I’m a little more lenient than that they do have to pick up their trash and I just make them put their dish in the sink 
but I don’t care what they’re doing if they leave a mess they have to come out and pick it up I don’t care if they’re doing homework I don’t care if they’re studying I don’t care if they are at a friend’s house I make them come back over and pick up their mess. You just have to be consistent about it. Or make them sit down at the table to eat every snack or any drink that they have. Now if it’s toys or something like that but I would just take them away I would put them in a bin and lock it away until they learn to pick up their things . If they want to give you a hard time or argue about it turn off the Wi-Fi take the TVs and tablets out of their room take their phones away if they have them you’re in control mama 
they have to know in order to get things they want they have to show you respect and they aren’t going to do it if you’re a pushover you have to be firm and you have to be consistent they’ll get the point pretty quick
Take away creature comforts. Take away electronics. If they want all the good stuff they need to get it together.
My favorite phrase to my children: IF YOU CAN GET IT OUT YOU CAN PUT IT AWAY…
Now they are grown they still remember that…
Their homes are spotless!!!
I dont allow my kids to eat anywhere but in the kitchen for the most part. My 5 year old occasionally eats in his playroom bc he has a table but I make him clean up after himself. Occasional popcorn in the living room for movies, but again I make them clean after themselves. I have both boys, 5 and 12. If needed I take away phones, xbox, tv etc. It works and they’ve learned to clean. Also, after dinner, start having them clear their area after eating. It helps and gets them into routine.
Stop letting them eat everywhere. Next time, Put it their toys and mess in their bed. I’m sure they don’t wanna sleep like that. They’re definitely old enough to pick up after themselves. If they can’t respect the rules, start taking privileges away.
No snacks if they don’t clean it up.
My mom made us clean up after ourselves from the time we were toddlers and I’ve done the same with my kids. She had a phrase that she would use often “a place for everything and everything in its place.” Sure I still needed to be reminded sometimes but all it took was her looking at me and saying “hey Ciara, a place for everything.” And I would remember.
Teach them to not make a mess and if they do, they should clean it up. 
I thought I was the only one dealing with this
No technology unless they clean up after themselves. Period. They’ll pick up quickly!
Make sure they only eat at the table or at the bench
Sprinkle black rice on their pillows it looks like rat droppings… when they freak out tell them that’s what happens when you don’t pick up after yourself.
They’re old enough to pick up after themselves. It’s gonna take consistency
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Make them sit at the table to eat. No snacks anywhere else. Take away TV time and favourite toys.
Following as I have 7 and 11 actually the same no respect for the house …
Make the. Clean up their messes. They are definitely old enough
Spankings. Simple yet effective
Only eat at the table and then make sure they always clean up.
Yeah it’s getting pretty rough I can’t lie, eating in one space solves nothing I watch the crumbs fall off her on the way to wash her hands then it’s all over the doors her hair her face etc 
let me know when you find something…
This is why consequences exist. If you’re not doing anything about it then why would they stop? They don’t have any reason to
Give rules. No food allowed outside the dining/kitchen area. Enforce consequences when they violate the rules and stick to it, don’t make any free passes so the line is clear. Also make them clean up their own messes. Stop cleaning for them. Don’t like to clean, kids? Don’t make a mess.
btw, include yourself on the rule. If they see you eating whatever, wherever you will look like a hypocrite and they won’t wanna follow the rule. Sit with them for every meal.
Was this stuff they were taught to do as they were growing up to this age? You can’t expect them to do things that you never enforced before… well you can but I’m saying is this how they were taught? Was everyone cleaning up for them all the time and did they always get away with it?
I don’t know why people are laugh reacting at this. I have 4 kids, my oldest 2 were like this and I didn’t realize until it was too late that it was my own fault, I didn’t put enough responsibility on them. My youngest 2 are not like this (my oldest 2 are 21 and 19 and youngest 2 are 7 and 8) the difference is from the beginning food and drink is only allowed at the table and they have to clean up behind themselves. Garbage in the garage and dishes in the sink. They even put their own laundry in the washing machine (I start it for them). Yes they forget once in a while but I’m right there to remind them. You’re their mom not their maid, teach them that. Don’t make them help clean up just once in a while, make them clean up behind themselves daily, every time.
You have to ride them EVERY SINGLE TIME they litter in the house, following them to the sink/trash for a month before it becomes a habit for them. It’s exhausting and tedious, but you have to develop their muscle memory and then you may be able to relax with just the occasional reminder or mom death stare. If you stay absolutely consistent for a month but know there’s an end date, you can do it Super Mama!
It may help to not buy or serve snacks until they can learn to behave. No bags, candy, no popcorn in the house. When they leave stuff out, the next meal make them use kiddie plates, tiny silverware, bibs and sippy cups if they’re going to act like toddlers. Bring it all to relatives’ houses & when eating out whenever they’ve left plates etc. out.
Show them videos of rats & the damage done by mice. Might help to make a gold star chart with stars for each day they pick up after themselves.
Also tell relatives to chastise the kids directly and not you. Coming from all sides may reinforce the message. Tell them to notice how other people behave and point out others’ picking up after themselves, especially kids younger than them.
Food only at the table. It works. Everyone cleans up after meals. Everyone!
Assigning little chores like picking up their clothes, matching socks and sorting.
Rewards. Compliments
Lunch
Extended video game time. Just suggestions
Give them a designated eating area. No device no toys no nothing in the eating area. If they want to be able to eat somewhere else or have a toy/device then they need to earn that by cleaning up after themselves. Give them one reminder to clean up after themselves at meal time and if they can’t do it then they loose a toy/device for a certain amount of time. My kids got tired of not being able to have devices and started to remember to clean up their mess pretty quickly. Good luck
Take it away. If they can’t pick up their wrappers- they can’t have food with wrappers. If they make a mess eating poocorn- no more popcorn. If they leave their cups all over the house- drinks stay in the kitchen.
When they earn back you trust, they can start having the privileges again.
So I know this is gonna be hard, but stop losing your temper and yelling. Kids don’t really learn when they’re being yelled at (adults don’t either). I usually try to teach how I would like to learn, but also keep in mind how they learn best. My son legit forgets sometimes, we just got him tested with things and found out his memory is actually a problem for him and he’s a visual learner, not a listener one. Try to remind them every time, “please pick up your trash, help mommy out so we don’t get gross bugs” or “we won’t be able to have xx as a snack if you don’t clean up afterwards”. Even if it’s every time, reminding them will create the habit. Also try to have designated snack areas. No food in the bedrooms, play rooms, etc. “Yes you can have xx as a snack, but only if you eat it in xx room”. Have them vacuum after they snack if it’s a mess and give them ways to prevent messes “have this snack but eat it over this plate please”. Sometimes kids need different types of directions in order to get things down. Good luck, you got this 
If my 5 & 9 year old don’t pick up, I will call them down to let them know they forgot to clean their stuff & they do it. Eventually enough, they get tired of it & get use to doing it. No food outside of the kitchen either. I don’t really try to yell, but more redirect & just let them know their stuff needs picked up. They seem more receptive to that.
In my house… everything is cleaned up before bed… I work and my kids (5&6)are in school so the house stays clean during the day… no food outside of the kitchen period. And on weekends, we don’t leave the house til its cleaned up, vacuumed and beds made. For instance… if they ask to go to the playground… we sure can, right after this house is in order…
Time to stop the behavior Mom. I’m sorry, but that’s on you. Trust me, if you don’t do something now, it will be what they do for life.
I feel exactly the same. My kids dont lift a finger so when they go to their dads, my me time is tidying up. Totally lacking respect for the home and their belongings. Gets right on my nerves x
My 10 and 7 year old do this. They have gotten better now I make them do chores right when I do. So if I’m cleaning the kitchen I ask for garbage n dishes. If I’m doing laundry I ask for the laundry.
They get more in the cleaning mode as they see others doing it I noticed
I made my kids clean up after themselves since the time they were little food, toys, and otherwise so now it’s just something they do…
9 & 10 is PLENTY old enough to be doing chores. Don’t let people treat you and your home that way mama. Stay consistent and never back down, they can smell fear.
Make rules- only eating at the table
- cleaning up one area before moving on to the next to play
Make rules and boundaries- YOU are the parent.
Stop letting them bring food in their room
Wait till they reach their teens and you find sweaty socks and dirty underwear laying around lol 
You lay down the law. Food and drink does not leave the kitchen or dining room. Cut the wifi router until they’ve picked up after themselves. Be consistent. Let them know that you mean business and expect serious changes immediately. YOU’RE in charge
Eat only at the table. Each child gets a different color of cup , bowl, plate etc. you will know who did not pick up their things. Put all snacks in each colored bowl or plate no wrappers to deal with.
Boundaries! Most times there will be acting out when you set rules, following through is a must, not giving in to break those boundaries. It may appear difficult at first however as time goes by eating at the table & bin the trash 
and what ever rules you set, after awhile will help with the pride in their home. P.S.Consequences need to be supported also!
Well they should be eating at the table period . Take tv , tablets , computer , anything they llove away . MAKE THEM CLEAN IT UP !!! My kids had chores period !! Until it’s done they get nothing if they refuse fine sit in the corner all night long .
make them clean it up every single time. I have a 13 and 4 year old. Everyday I sound like a broken record. Pick up your back pack, pick up the Legos, pick up this trash, take your clothes to the basket, put the shoes away. The more you reinforce the better they do it themselves because they know without a doubt you will be behind them demanding they do it.
I’m a mother of a 29 and 30 year old! I’m glad I had my kids before there was all these electronics!
Don’t let them eat anywhere but kitchen! Take away all there electronics! No games no tv. Just homework and cleaning the house
No snacks unless they can throw away the wrapper. No popcorn until they can eat it without making a mess. Chores before electronics.
That’s part of motherhood. They are kids. There should be a warning label before you have sex lol. “If you don’t like messes don’t have kids”. My girls are 9 &10 too, and yes their messes drive me crazy. Just be harsh and tell them after school sometime. There is no TV and no playing until this room gets cleaned.
who’s the boss in your house? they need to get a bit of discipline. no electronics, no tv, no eating out of the kitchen! you set the rules and be stern about it. they act up about it, too bad. let them cry & have hissy fits, don’t give in… they should have been cleaning up toys, wrappers, whatever when they were 2 yrs old… YOU are the boss in your house! put your foot down and do it now! 9 and 10 yrs old ?? my kids did laundry at age 7. helped with dishes, vacumed, dusted since they were 3 yrs old… it’s how you teach your kids from a young age! if you don’t do it now, you sure will have a huge problem…
Change your wifi password daily, and they get no access until they clean up their mess. If they leave trash around during the day, turn the internet access off. Next, if that doesn’t work, remove devices entirely until they’ve established good habits and maintained them for a few days in a row. Also, our kids (and now grands) must ASK if they can have something to eat or snack on. That way, I know to catch the mess immediately.
Eat only in the kitchen and their things have to stay in their room. Any toys left in another room is confiscated for a month. I made the toy rule for my kids then we got a dog! Never could teach that dog to clean his toys up!
New rule … eat at the table ONLY
Welcome.to my.world but add in a dog and cats too
I’d take away all their electronics if they weren’t listening and not keeping their space clean.
Plz tell me!!! 7yr old 2 8yr Olds 12 & 14 absolutely pigs!!
I have 2 greatgrand kids in my house . Same age as yours . I have to be constantly on their a$$es. I tell them you have to pick up after yourself . I make them take their dishes to the sink their clothes they pull off have to go to the laundry, and anything else they do that is their mess . I stay on them until they do it . I’m old, I just had knee surgery and I have a sore toe . So I use that on them that I can’t pick up after them all the time . They have to learn to pick up and clean up after themselves . It’s a constant battle . I threaten to take away their x box if they don’t do it .
Take the things away- no more mess. When they learn to pick up after themselves they can have some back one at a time
might be too late to set boundaries. my kid (easier to deal with than 2) doesn’t take food or drinks out of the kitchen. no popcorn or soda on the couch during movies.
My preteens are the worst for this too!
I wish I had the answer
No snacks or meals unless they sit at kitchen table. Clean up after they are done or they get no snacks
Old enough to clean up after themselves. They can lose priveledges if they don’t.
personally I think At age 9&10 if they ain’t Been Told/ or taught to Clean Up after themselves It’s gonna take some time to Get to Start Doing it now. I Always Taught my Children to Put Stuff in the Bin and Clean up after themselves from a young Age.
Make them pick up after themselves. They’ll soon get sick of cleaning their own mess and stop
no phone, (take away their cell phones, they aren’t old enough for them), no tv, no electronics what-so-ever, don’t do their laundry or cooking for them. NOTHING till they start acting their ages.
Don’t allow them to have drinks or food outside of the kitchen it’s to stay on the table and if they don’t follow the rules then they don’t get Nothing unless you’re there watching them
Give them designated chores and if finished then they get an allowance to spend on the movies with friends etc. if chores aren’t complete then they get to do it on the weekend and no allowance. My mom did that and we made sure to clean so we could get money to spend with our friends that weekend.
Designated eating area for sure ! Ours in kitchen or dining room. And after every meal and or snack, if something is left on the table, I call them specifically and ask ‘where does that belong’ they usually know the answer. And I tell them to put it there please. I’ve done this from a young age so thankfully they just know now. It’s consistency and perseverance for sure. Goodluck mumma
Make them clean up after themselves. Don’t give them anything til it’s done. Period. No toys devices, food, drinks anything. Keep to it.dint give in you are the parent be one.
My kids were like this up until a few months ago. Everyday they cleaned. If they didn’t want to they sat in there room until they wanted to come out. Then back to cleaning. Everyday I made them clean their messes. Everyday they got the same old speech. I am not a maid, they are old enough to clean up after themselves. If they out things away properly they wouldn’t have to clean everyday. It sucked for everyone but eventually they got it.
Do not listen to your folks. They are your kids and you need to discipline them. Otherwise you won’t be able to take them anywhere. As they get older they get worst
Stop buying snacks, do not let them play , watch tv or anything until they clean their messes
Take the wifi password away for a few days
Stop buying the snacks and until they learn to respect your home (and the rules you set for where they can eat in it). We weren’t allowed to have food in our rooms when we were that young.
Girl I’m in the same boat and I’m a neat freak ! Any suggestions would be great ! Kids shouldn’t be taught to be messy and disrespectful and not cleaning up after themselves is both ! They also don’t learn responsibilities either !!! Ur not a bad mom bc of it I promise u that
Since my kids were little,I’ve made them pick up after their self.Make your kids eat at the table only.No electronics at the table is our rule and the rule at my dad’s house.
For one you need to breathe. Your reaction means its probably triggering you. Second sit them down and calmly say you need thwir help to clean up their own messes. Then just call them to pick up their stuff. Its normal all kids do it. You probably wont notice them clean up without being told until they are adults.
If they don’t pick it up they don’t get it again. Got candy and left wrapper around? No more candy. Same for chips, soda, popcorn. Then they would be told they can ONLY eat at the table and are not allowed to play any games or watch tv or any fun til their table settings are cleared away and they wash their dishes.
I have a 16 and a 9 year old it got so bad I was cleaning in circles I put an end to any eating upstairs bedrooms or in the kids recroom they have daily chores that I do have to remind them of and they do complain they also have to clean up after themselves if they use the kitchen I check in and if they leave a mess they are sent back to clean it up if they don’t listen or give me a hard time with a click of a button I block their devices tvs and all from the wifi until they clean it up I’m not a maid I work hard to keep a clean home and had to stand up for myself I learned the word NO and they needed to learn to respect our home my motto is we all live here and we all help here we work as a team good luck stick to your rules be consistent and keep on them every time they will learn😊
Normal family life then . Quite simple don’t clean there own mess no devise including phones and WiFi till they do. End of.
Make a few new rules…
Only eat/drink at table
They need to have cleaning jobs
And stick to it. It is EVERYONES responsibility to keep a house clean.
How sad when a parent can’t parent a 9 and 10 year old…Really?
No treats no friends over and eat at the table
Invite their friends over. It might embarrass them enough to keep common space clean
Stop letting them have snack/treats that come in wrappers. Only give them healthy things that don’t have a wrapper and make them eat any food they do eat, at the table, supervised. Tell them they can have their other snacks when they learn to pick up after their selves. I would still enforce the eating at the table thing. As a last resort, you could make them clean their rooms and then mess it up yourself and tell them they need to clean it again. That sounds mean, but I think it would show how frustrating it is for you to have to keep re-cleaning after them. 
I think I would get to a point where they would just be grounded from everything and not going anywhere.
My 9 and 10 year old are like this too. So much so that their 3 year old sister rides their a$$ to pick up their mess (so at least I know it isn’t my parenting)
Idk as soon as they could walk I made them clean up…I still gotta stay on them…just a kid thing…
I wouldn’t be buying any more snack food until they get the message. They eat it they tidy up afterwards.
Ugh I know how you feel . My child does this too. Kinda getting sick of the fact she knows better. Told her to pick up her trash and she never does
Gather it all up and put it on their beds… eventually they will figure out if they toss it or put it away their bed won’t be crummy and gross at bedtime lol
Throw everything in their rooms out on the lawn tell them you wanna live like pigs there ya go now don’t walk back in this house Lol
First of all, they make the mess. They clean it up. They get stupid about it, clean up the mess and dump it into their beds. They can sleep in it. My house is not pristine, but we don’t live in a mess. I won’t allow bugs or mice or rats…
Don’t let them eat anywhere but the kitchen. Take away electronics. Take away toys. Make them clean up the mess before they do anything else.
Go buy that spice that looks like rat poop! And tell them that have rats in their room because they have food in there!
Don’t give them any more snacks & drinks if they don’t clean up from the last time.
Same boat. Mine are the exact same way so I started selling all their stuff that they cared about most. Or burnt it. You don’t want to respect my house I won’t respect your belongings either
When they leave stuff lying around, do you just get irritated and clean it up? If they know the adult might yell and they might get in trouble… but the adult still cleans it, they won’t stop.
Even if that isn’t the case, shrink their circle until they respect that circle long enough. For example, if they can have dishes and eat anywhere in the house, but they don’t keep it clean, make a rule food and drinks stay in the kitchen. If they keep doing it in the kitchen, they arent allowed to get their own food. You make them food of your choosing, whether they like it or not, the same as you would a toddler. Then you sit with them till they are done and they have cleaned their mess and washed their dishes. Once they can fully respect the ‘circle’ for a good amount of time then expand the circle. Explain what you are doing as well. Then they know what is required to pick their own food, and eat unsupervised.
They would be eating at the table only or they wouldn’t get anything. And they would scrap their plates rinse n put in dishwasher. And candy wrappers in garbage or no candy.Theyre old enough straighten them out or they will continue to disrespect you n expect you to clean up after them they need to learn this.Especially way down the road when they are on their own or get married.
Old school maybe …bust their asses