Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My kids come home gross from their dad's house. help?
Take pics before and after visitation and take him to court. You can get supervised visitation by proving the unsanitary conditions.
Honestly get a lawyer and take them to court. Your lawyer can help draw up paperwork. In the paperwork you can specifically put her name in there to not have any contact with you in regards to decision making to your child.
Document EVERYTHING. send a text asking that HE is the one to speak w you about child. Stick to the schedule. Document when they don’t show up. More than 15-20 minutes late then no visit. Lay it out for him. But stick to it!
Take a picture before he goes and when he returns. Go back to court and get a set time for pick up and drop off. It’s not your responsibility to work with his schedule and keep droop of play and pick up place at the same location. Also just ignore her and tell her it’s between u and the ex.
Sound like she cares for your child and that’s not a bad thing it’s actually what co parenting is all about mind u it’s not your bd but at least she tells you things and if she is indeed his wife she ain’t going no where so telling her to mind her business makes you sound bitter
Document Document Document… every… last …thing… pics, journals recordings
I been there and no the courts can’t dictate rolls in a marriage , husband needs to something , but I was also a step -mom and maybe she’s just trying to be involved with your children , I tried to be a very hands on step - mom so the whole family would run smoothly we had 6 kids between us .
If you have fill physical custody and just did every other weekend because you wanted to and not because it’s court ordered, you don’t have to keep sending your child there. Start documenting everything. If he tries to take you for visitation, show your proof and have it added that dad is the one to have contact with you. Not the wife.
Just because he married someone does not give her a say so in anything that has to do with your child… Get yourself a lawyer… The judge will tell her the same thing. She has no rights to your child only what you give her… Definitely let her know that pick up and drop off does not revolve around her and if your ex can’t pick up and drop off at the times that are set up then he doesn’t need to see the child!! Put your foot down whether the x wants to discuss it or not get back into court document everything and get those supervised visits! Doesn’t sound like a very happy healthy environment for the child anyway 
If he has a law guardian then you should let them know your concerns and ask for a welfare check
Wow my ex had custody of our daughter and that was his wife. Or if I asked to visit he say I have to ask my wife like me and her had the baby. It was crazy. I would contact the courts foe them to do a home study on dads house to make sure it is ok for the child to be there.
If the kid wasn’t safe of cared for they would not go over there…Just be happy your child has his father in his life and stop worrying about what he is doing…children get cuts and scrapes and bruises and splinters if you are letting them be children…if he isn’t being hurt and he wants to go just bath him when he comes home… If I only had two days with my daughter I wouldn’t worry about giving her a bath either. .
I’m going through kind of the same thing. My daughter always comes home from her dad very dirty and smells like cockroaches. She says he won’t let her take a shower. She washes her hair and body with no help. I take pictures and write everything down that she says happened so when I take him back I will have evidence. I also text him and take a screen shot of the messages
Sounds like it’s time to take everything back to court and get a set time for pick up and drop off. Also you can put in paper work that you don’t want contact with her in regards to your child unless absolutely necessary.
I would document EVERYTHING!!
Bring court into this. Make sure they give them a date, time and specific pick up location for visitation.
Pictures of child taken before they get him, and a picture of how child comes back. Every little detail.
Ask the court to do a welfare check on that house before allowing child to go visiting there
Yes ma’am something can be done through the court. My neice and her husband divorced. He married again. The new wife took over everything. She had to listen In on every conversation. If my neice had to talk to the ex about anything at all, she had to tell the wife and she relayed the message. It got so bad my neice took him back to court and she got an order from the judge saying the new wife had to keep her mouth totally shut at all times about anything that had to be discussed. Judges do not like this kind of thing. Believe you me, you can shut her up!!
First of all, “WAY TO GO STEP MOM FOR STEPPING UP AND HELPING WITH THE KIDDO!!!” More step parents need to do this!!!
As for the rest…depends on how “dirty” or scraped up the kid is. Maybe they just have fun and being extra clean isn’t the most important thing to them. It’s shocking, but kids don’t need a bath every single day. Not to mention, maybe they had a bath the night before but they go outside and play…like regular kids do and roll around, crawl and climb and just get scraped up and dirty!
Honestly, without posting pics, it sounds like a bitter mom upset she can’t control everything and trying to get back at the dad tried taking full custody.
Now to be fair!!! If it truly is as disgusting as the OP says in her kids’ dads house, then it shouldn’t be a problem proving it to the courts that he isn’t stable enough to have unsupervised visits. Document with pictures, dates, etc. Obviously, bad stuff happens and its always best to go in prepared to show exactly what you’re trying to accuse them of.
Document everything from text messages to phone call an take pictures before he goes an after and get your self a lawyer
If you’re in Texas the new wife is automatically informed that none of the court orders include her, the Attorney Generals office won’t even let her go beyond the waiting room. You need to go back to court and make sure they enforce the court order and make the modifications that are necessary to make sure she’s stays out of it, and they are given set rules. Also you could just call CPS anonymously if it comes down to it.
Go through courts. Take pictures of house and baby, save pictures from online. Get your lawyer involved. Get your own emergency order.
Gather as much documentation as possible take pics of your son when he comes back filthy etc. I would then take him back to court and ask he be put on supervised visitations due to improper care and neglectful actions. Your son should be getting bathed and definitely have shoes and socks on outside and shouldn’t be coming home all dirty and banged up. As far as there living conditions I’m not sure there’s much you can do about them being slobs unless it’s a roach invested flop house but I would still document it and list it as a reasoning for supervised visitations as well as the conditions and neglectful things going on when your son is in there care.
Unless your child is being harmed in some way other than playing and getting dirty I wouldn’t try to take him away. As far as the step mom, I don’t think you can change that, it’s up to child’s father. As far as drop offs and picking up, the court can decide the times.
I’d document everything! Take pictures before they pick your baby up and when they drop the child off. I’d definitely speak to a lawyer and see what can be done.
You need a lawyer and to document everything. My main concern, though, is that you seem a bit more irritated that she is involved with communication more so than your son being in unsafe/unsanitary conditions. Im not sure if it’s just how I’m reading it, but that’s just how it seems to me 
either way, though, a lawyer and the judge can fix all of that.
My ex’s wife used to control everything and it bothered me so bad and I let him have him one time also without a parenting plan and didn’t get my kid back I always advise parents who split get a parenting plan right away cuz my son was 5 months old when my ex decided to just keep him till I got the courts involved and he got so screwed by his actions
I was the stepmom! Our boys real Mom would send the kids to us looking like they were homeless. She would buy their jeans way to big so they could wear them longer and just roll up the bottoms three or four times. I’m not sure if they were ever washed because when we unrolled them to wash, they were full of dirt. Even the clothes she packed for them, always looked dirty. I’m like what does she do with all the child support we give her? Anyway, we decided to tell her not to send anything but their toys when we picked them up and we bought a whole wardrobe down to shoes, socks and underwear, to keep at our house. That was the best thing we ever did. We were given custody of the boys by their Mom after we had been married for nine months. Me, a 22 year old newlywed with two new children to raise. A 6 and 11 year old. Luckily, after that little tiff, she and I always got along and I was always sure to send her picture forms from school, ballgame schedules, you name it. She and I have become friends over the years and we are both in our mid to late 50’s. Try to bend a little if you can because our boys has a nice relationship with both their Mom’s now. On another note which may be why we have this strange relationship is because she and my husband divorced before I ever met him so it wasn’t from an affair or anything like that. They were divorced about 2 years before I met him. Say alot of prayers and try to be patient. Those years go by so much faster than I ever imagined!! And I value the friendship we have now and share our sweet grandbabies together!!
Do it legally. Show proof, go to a judge.
Far out some women need to get a grip. If you don’t like it then don’t send them be greatful they actually spend some time with the other parent
Document everything, take photos.
I would refuse to communicate with her and only deal with him.
They are married so technically they are one person. What you say to one you must be able to say to the other. You have to get over that unless she’s abusing them.
But you need to be able to communicate the issues
Regardless if you can’t communicate with baby’s father let your lawyer know, married or not doesn’t mean it’s her way or no way, you should be able to openly communicate with them both, Document everything and if you are concerned let it be known, yes kids play n get bumps n bruises but if your actively watching them you can minimize the damage 
and as for filth, NO, no reason to get back a baby not freshly washed and in clean clothes, just my opinion
When I complained to the courts - they literally told me - I’m lucky he’s not being hit or sexually abused. WHAT???!! when the courts get involved - it’s jacked too
Maybe the new wife cares, and that’s why she is trying to be more involved. 
My step son’s mom & I text more than her & my husband do lol.
Get around her by calling child protective services. That’s neglect.
Thats neglect! she shouldn’t have a say regardless, you are the mother & his the father simple.
Enjoy your weekends get something to do 
be glad he takes them
Get a good lawyer and document everything. Im blown away by people saying you should be grateful that your child is from your description being neglected, just because she’s in her dad’s presence. No! Filth, cuts, bruises, and splinters every time he has her should be totes ok? I don’t understand people.
Just don’t send your kid there. Her dad doesn’t seem to care.
First document past and in near future, then let them know visitation will be supervised if things don’t improve immediately.
Make sure u start documenting this and taking pictures
Stepparents have no legal rights. You do not have to communicate with her. If she is the only one talking you could try and approach all topics of concern. It at least shows you are attempting to solve issues. My ex and I have it set as to what time pick ups are (can’t be more then 15 minutes off from time) and who picks up and drops off in our court documents. Make sure you are documenting…pictures before going and after coming home, and only Communicate through text so there is proof of conversation.
Save those pictures of the filthy house. Take pictures of your child at both drop off & pick up. Take witnesses with you. I think you need a lawyer on this.
Take pictures of how dirty he is coming home and take them to a good solicitor and he will sort out all your problems quietly for the good of your son Hope everything goes well for you
I’d stop everything. Let the ex get on board for his own kid. The new wife isn’t an extended parent to your child. You’ve been patient and nice and now your kid could be in danger. Infection. Unsupervised and dirty,kid could get the perception of you allowing this. I’d back off slowly, they tried to keep your kid from you. Supervised visits or none. Her schedule vs his schedule vs yours…all kids don’t need 2 parents if only one is a parent and the other is a sperm donor remarried to a mother figure who will care for his kid and work out visitation with his kid…let him play games and make kids with his new wife. I’d keep faaaar away from that trash
Im so shocked that this lady should be thankful that her ex has child even tho he may be getting neglected, hes a baby, hes not yet 3, how is she a control freak, some of you guys need to watch your words, this to me is a truly loving Mom who just wants whats best for her little one xx
U can send social services to do a home study, which could potentially cut his weekend shorter, as for stepmom … u said he’s a gamer so most likely he’s in your child’s life more now with her urging him to be and she’s probably stepped up to be the caregiver for his weekend, I don’t see that as a bad thing really besides the level of cleanliness while there
You can always do a wellness check when she over there place an anonymous call but best of luck
Okay, it seems like some people have some seriously deep issues with you asking this question and I’m unsure why. First off document every little thing of your child starting with the before pictures of the said child going to the fathers, secondly document every photo they send or post on facebook (or whatever social media platform they’re using), thirdly contact your lawyer update he/she of the situation and ask what else you should be doing, fourth don’t let people on here tell you that you should just be grateful your child is with dad. No child deserves any kind of neglect or abuse and its sickening just how many on here think its okay. Do what you’ve got to do within your legal rights and let an attorney handle the rest sweetie. Good luck.
Document everything, take pics, and contact an attorney. They will know the next step. If your really concerned about the living conditions over there call cps.
You have full custody don’t send him there anymore simple as that
Document
And pictures
Lots of it!
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My kids come home gross from their dad's house. help?
Yes. Do something about it immediately. Your children’s safety is your number one priority. If they are not married you can ask that they not be involved with court order visitation. I’ve seen other people do that. Go talk to a lawyer right away or cps.
Write everything down take pics , in about a month file on him if it gets worse file asap
Document everything. When your child leaves your care have a Doctors apportionment and when the child comes back into your care have the same doctor look at the child. Your doctor and you can start building a report for court. Involve lawyers as well. Family members can also be witnesses so have them also see the child before leaving your care and going back into your care.
You can have a court order that states that any contact made needs to be you and your ex only and set times for drop offs/pickups can not be changed unless an emergency came up.
Call cps and ask them to do a wellness check
Keep a log with dates and times and as much tangible evidence as you can. Save fb pictures and take pictures of your child before he leaves and as he comes back.
Also, You cannot stop a step mom from interfering when she is a part of that family. No different than if you were involved with someone else or re married. They too would be involved. Sorry. But when kids are involved, you have to find a way to get along. Otherwise, you only hurt the kids even more.
Now I can’t say as I know o our the court grammar but now I do not have kids I’m 49 but I have my opinion on this. You probably could do something through the courts the more I think about it. That is right down child neglect in my opinion and if they are that nasty don’t bother sending him period your the mother nothing will rule over that I know. I hope I may have help d a little
You’ll most likely have to get a lawyer, you need to draw up a court order and they need to stick to it .
Co-Parenting sucks, choose wisely so you arent asking advice of strangers.
Cps can work with you to build a case against the safety of dads house when the child is there, and present evidence to courts!
Request supervised visitation.
I wouldn’t trust CPS because they can take the child from both homes and put them in a strangers care!
I agree with Thalia
Honestly, I think I’d just be happy they only have him every other week for a weekend or 2 days, or whatever. You can start logging and taking photos of cuts / bruises/ and if the child is old enough to talk and can voice unhappiness with their visits, then just use all that in a court like situation. I wouldn’t call CPS, I’d just call the cops and get a restraining order if the child came home with significant bruises caused by physical harm. But for the most part, that’s a lot of drama. I know you don’t like the new wife, but they only have the child 2 days every other week. Just continue to document and date things, and then re-assess if a significant event happens.
Call CPS and ask them to do a wellness check.
There no good lawerys where you live!? There seems to b an echo where I live to ! Bitches
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My kids come home gross from their dad's house. help?
Best bet is to ask a lawyer not facebool
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My kids come home gross from their dad's house. help?
Yes, file for supervised visitation, also from now on document EVERYTHING!!! I MEAN EVERYTHING take pictures use a time stamp.
Also make it mandatory that the father pick up and drop off, step mom can come, but not just her. You could ask your lawyer about cfs doing a surprise visit during his visitation
I’ve been through this with my ex.
Along with all the above, take pictures of your child BEFORE he goes to the fathers too. That way they can’t claim the bruises/marks came from your home.
This is YOUR child. No one will advocate for them more than their Mom. OWN your position! Text his number directly, keep as documentation. Do not engage with her. Regardless of text, start legal proceedings to ensure your child’s safety. Do not alter visitation in the future. Visits are set. If he can’t make it, he misses it. Done. Make your child a choice, not an option.
You need a diary to document everything. You also need to stop answering to the wife & accommodating her schedule, it’s not about her, she has zero legal rights over your child! You’ve become a doormat & need to put your foot down.
Write down everything, good, bad & neutral and get a solicitor but stop responding to the wife in the meantime!
Agree with the comments, document everything, but not just bad visits, document good visits as well. The judge will see you aren’t just trying to find negative stuff about the visits if you document everything
Consult a lawyer keep as much photo evidence as possible, of bruising, filthy online home photos, anything everything. All texts EVERYTHING
My kids are adults now but 26 yrs ago they’d come home filthy, tired hungry and crying. Sleep and meal schedule was completely off. He was neglecting them clearly so I finally decided to keep kids 24/7. He rarely saw them and kids were much happier being on a schedule. Your ex clearly has more important things to do sadly. And your child is not in a good place being with dad.
She’s not a legal guardian. Married or not. Your son is left in his father’s care. Not hers. Follow the court order.
Go see a Solicitor, they may recommend more than probably do a review of the whole situation. I would not be answering to the new wife, I had that problem and then I just ignored her, as she is not the child’s father, regardless of who he married.
Well said! Go do what your gut instinct is telling you… Your child’s father is clearly not spending quality time with his daughter…it’s not up to new wife to make these changes or contact you as she is… Think about the damage to your child’s mind if this keeps occurring
You can report them to the child protective services in their area. Step mom probably does all the communicating because she’s the one taking care of the kids while they’re at her house. I wouldn’t worry about a three year old coming home dirty, I personally think kids running around playing outside is a good thing, but you know the situation and if you think there is child abuse or neglect going on then of course you should do whatever you feel is necessary to protect your baby.
have you spoken to the child? easy questions, did you have a nice time with dad? did you see dad? did you fall while playing? did someone hurt you? questions you child may be able to answer. then maybe discuss a meeting with all 3 of you, and your ex really should do some talking, his child not hers if he isn’t making an effort what is the point?
Document everything, from photos of the child when it comes home to details of every phone call, and who you spoke to. Then take it to court.
Would your child protective services help?
Try going to dinner or a coffee with both of them since he clearly values her wants and needs. Whatever you do, don’t make it about more court or start a fight. Resolve it together. This is coming from a girl who grew up in a split home. The fights made me want to die. Always talk no matter what you gotta do. Pick a day you all have free and agree no one leaves mad and no one leaves until it is solved.
For one thing, I hope you kept a documented record of every time they changed pick up times and everything else! In nursing there’s a saying ,“if it’s not documented, it wasn’t done”, because documentation is so legally important in nursing ( before computer charting, doctors , nurses, etc. wrote everything in the chart ) , so it was something I learned to do about everything important whether it’s on paper or on a computer! That way if you’re in a hearing or something and say they changed the pick up time 27 times in the past year and she used such and such as an excuse, you can whip out your notebook or screen and show that you documented each time , including the reason! And photos are good about the filth! And it really shouldn’t be any of her business to interfere in your conversations with your ex about your child, but I have no idea if that’s something “legal” !
This ia so sad as dad is missing out on creating happy memories with his child and building a quality relationship. Childs welfare comes first no matter what so you need to interviene mybe have a talk with your ex in private go for coffee and explain what you witnessed and how it is effecting your child. if u don’t see changes you will take action. Give him last chance to step up and make it clear u want to liaise with him regarding care of your child and only him
First of all as a women coming from a separated home and from “step kids” this women needs to learn her right my step mom never ever pulled this and neither did my stepdad and as for myself I would never it should be the mans responsibility in this situation to connect with you regardless of what she has to say the only time she should even be involved in pick up drop off etc should be if he is at work and it is agreed upon by both parents in my opinion she needs to grow up and act like a father
It’s really difficult to push who you talk for my ex was court ordered to give me his number so we could Co patent and communicate, he gave me his partners and “as long as I can get in touch with them that’s fine” even if it is frustrating and tbh I don’t care now who I talk to as long as what’s said is shared with my LGs parent and things get dealt with, as with tour child coming back dirty I’d definitely get in touch with either social care or courts to request supported contact because of your concerns, i hate both parents bot seeing their children but I’d consider stopping contact until they send you a plan of care they’ll follow when your child’s with them as all the things you mentioned are neglect, if that was daily care for your child Social care would be very very concerned and even occasionally it’s still neglect and not viewed as positive parenting, I hope you get this resolved soon, for your child’s health and your sanitity xx
A little dirt (harmless), cuts, bruises and splinters? Well for me that’s another thing!!
Also just from my own experience and not doing this I would go to mediation!! If it’s in writing it means it can’t just be changed to suit them, if they do it constantly then they’re breaching the mediation conditions!! Of course there might be exceptions at times if something happens but not every week!!
I would tell his new wife where to shove it, yes I understand trying to keep it amicable BUT I can tell you right now if my ex’s needs partner/wife whatever was trying to tell me that my agreement needed to go through her or accommodate her 
I really can’t type on Facebook what would be said!! I would politely explain to her that you would prefer discussions to be between you and the ex and not her!! If she refuses etc then that’s again where mediation needs to happen!!
Call welfare, report everything you have seen, document every injury and use those facebook photos!!
Get a good lawyer and do whatever you can. A child is too important and should be taken care of as best as possible. Goodluck. Children are precious. Do the best you can for them. Good luck. I’di like to know how things turn out
Follow your instincts. If they say there is something wrong. There more than likely is. Documenting everything is important and as others said. Get advice.
I’d work with her even if she isn’t and hire a nanny that goes with your child… Breifly … It’s a cost to you but the peace of mind would help provided the wife doesn’t kick up a fuss. I’m sure if you approach it right, shed be happy to get extra help… I don’t think the dad would give a crap…
First of all just make sure you document everything and have backups for instances you find not acceptable. Then contact someone you trust who is knowledgeable to assist you.
Oh I feel for you. Your child’s wellbeing should be considered seems from the picture you have painted that this child is in danger. I hope you can sort it out soon. Appears child is probably not having any quality time with the father. My heart goes out to that poor child who deserves to be cared for.
Well that’s the sad part about when parents aren’t together and they remarry. It’s hard to find someone you can coparent and a wife that you can communicate with. I’d suggest document. Pictures and everything. Either have them hold a piece of paper of the date or put a time stamp on the pictures. If it’s court ordered that the visits are at a certain time you have to follow it to a T. If not it could be flipped around on you. Just keep the visits the way they are. If he makes a fuss then just keep those texts between you all where you are laying down the law and him not abiding by it. Then you can file an emergency hearing and show the conditions or call CPS to have them checked out.