Well ifdad was lazy and new wife works no one is taking care of kids right… so yeah why wouldn’t they be dirty
Good reminder to really date what kind of guy you want parenting your children.
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A dirty child is not an unsafe child. You have issues the gaming, the new wife. It supposed to be about the kid. You can have the court set your drop offs and outline communication. But dirt, splinters are a part of life and you can’t control how they live. And since he’s the father and you’re not together, he will be exposed to that. So what that he wasn’t involved at first? He is now. I hardly think CPS will find fault in a kid needing a bath. It may backfire on you for making a false claim. I heard nothing about a child in danger. Sounds like a boy. Mine always had a bruise or bandaid. All due to running and playing. Good luck.
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I mean, my kid runs outside to play with no socks or shoes on all the time, he’s always in mud so if he’s out, he’s gunna get filthy regardless on if he’s with dad or with me.
The bruise thing is a bit dodgy though, child arrangements should be between the parents in my opinion so wifey needs to but out. Report and photograph everything. Good luck
I absolutely hate to see stuff like this 
but the wellbeing of the child is the only concern…if the dad didn’t want him in the first place then why did he ever have the opportunity 
…now there is a step mom in the mix I know it’s crazy but have you addressed ur concerns verbally at all with the dad and or the step mom…without the court? Communication is key…but if you have and nothing was resolved then you have absolutely 
concerns for the safety of your child then take em to court…but children service should be the absolutely last resort…if grown adults can’t communicate and resolve issues on their own then yes that is what the police and court are set in place for…if u have any questions or concerns about what you are about to do and how it will affect you your life and your child then maybe you should rethink things and find another resolution…just b absolutely sure u have no other choice
Mediation. Every thing is set and that’s the way it stays. Will make life easier
Not sure about too much of that but supervised visits may be your answer at this point.
Take photos, ask a third party to keep a written record of visits, ask family members to photograph the children upon their return and note timing of pick up and returns. Be consistent on visits and then see an attorney. What do your children want? Maybe supervised visits?
I work in child welfare. You absolutely can. However, you should make a report first so it’s documented. You should also request a welfare check. And then file.
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If they aren’t married, she is not his “wife”.
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Consult an attorney it’s your best route to go. They will have the answers you seek
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My ex no longer has access to his child because of his wife, you need to do what’s best for you child and their safety. I have no issue with my ex seeing his daughter but their whole family is toxic now because of her. I told him in the beginning that she will be the reason you loose your kid and sure enough it happened. She tried to take over the whole mother role to the point of having the kids cal her mum. He had them every second weekend and now nothing because of the psychological abuse
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How did this even get on my feed?
Definitely worth a read! I wanted to wait and make sure it was safe first, but sure enough I’ve just been paid out $1,380 for the last 3 days straight into my bank. 
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What state are you located in?
I agree with several suggestions lawyer. DFS
PICTURES!
Does he pay child support?
Read all these comments
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Time for a lawyer. Get custody agreement written up and legalized before a judge. Then dad is in contempt of court every time he doesn’t adhere to the schedule. Lawyer will also give you advice about the sanitary issues, ie being dirty etc. Good luck
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Take pictures of them when they come home
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Actually as i knew only u and ur ex are allowed to negotiate not his wife.
If u want clear understanding about it, consult a lawyer related to that before you do any action about court.
Dont go a visit to thier house the girl will be jealous.
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Putting your dirty laundry on Facebook is wrong no one here knows your situation is two sides to every story take it to an attorney
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Can our responses be nameless also because I think somethings we recommend can get us in trouble 
Definitely stop accommodating you say either stick to the same pick-up and drop-off times and days every visit or they don’t get the visit!!!
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Take all the evidence gathered. Photos of how bad the child returns and then take it back to court stating you cannot even speak to him due to wife. Court and legal is the only way. Mediation a must. Stop trying to be all friendly and good about it. Its backfiring and damaging the child.
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Since he wanted to take you to file an emergency custody petition why the hell is the new wife interfering? Her name was never on that document so she can sit down and 
It’s none of her business even if they are married unless you and her have agreed to co parent and you allow her that privilege she needs to butt out. As for him! Obviously lazy and cbf so he’s letting her “parent” your child. Not good enough. It’s his responsibility and privilege to be able to spend time with his child and he doesn’t want to nor care about the child’s welfare while with him. If this was me I’d be putting a stop to it! And I’d be going into their house when dropping off your child if I was concerned about the Hygiene standards especially during this global nightmare and making sure and if it’s awful take photos and get a lawyer
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FK the new wife get the authorities in your child needs care n protection the rest will unfold after that
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Apparently ex don’t care about filth etc try to get full custody and keep the loser away
Talk to your lawyer, not Facebook.
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Contact your attorney not FB.
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Try the Friend Of The Court
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Rather than punish Him why dont you just have a talk. Honestly a little dirt never killed a kid and they shouldn’t lose time with His kids over it. They have actually proved kids are better off in a messy environment than a sterile one, otherwise the immune system doesnt get workout, which it needs.
Let the courts do your talking. Monitored visits are a good thing.
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Argggggg. This is horrible.
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Document, document, document, and take it to the courts!
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Pray for Jesus to intervene and fix him, he will answer.
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Get all the evidence you can!!! All these. Comments are good
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Stop using your child to express your anger and jealousy of the wife. That is what this is really about.
Were you this picky about how your child was around your ex? You should be more concerned whether he is safe and building a positive relationship with his father and his wife. Because she is now part or his life. You can’t control his parenting or how things run in his home.
This is the typical thing parents do when they split up. They point fingers and nit pick to express their continued frustration over the break up. He’s moved on. You’re not over it.
Go see a therapist and unless your child is in danger, support his relationship with them. Look inward an heal so you can move on. What you will end up doing is damaging your child by interfering with his natural development of important relationships.
Deal with the bitterness you’re feeling. Don’t use your child
I would try , keep your baby safe and humility will do her some good !!! And maybe she will clean her house and know her spot as assistant not boss either work together or not at all .
Take pictures print out all rude messages and go back to court
Ask your lawyer what can legally be done
Your the boss in this situation mama. You hold full physical! Put your foot down tell him to get his house and wife in order before you pull rank and have to let court know of the nasty home and report of a spineless man ! Lol. Really it is what it is!
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It’s very hard. I’ve a mental abuse situation and courts aren’t doing anything because he is physically ok. I would speak of your issue with changing of time as all children need routine and your child will grow up knowing days and times their changing environment. I wouldnt personally kick off over the rest yet and they could block you out completely just see you for dropping and collecting then you will be less wiser and have more fear. Keep them as friendly as possible. The years fly by you know your child’s safe. If there’s issues your child will reach an age when they will be comfortable to tell you they don’t want to go.
My exs new wife tried that shit with me and i had to set her strait. But thats just me.
This is something to discuss with an attorney. Not Facebook armchair quarterbacks
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Call Child Protection Services an u can be anonymous
Tell your ex you’re not going to send the child unless he is better cared for probably have to go to family Court tell the new wife to butt out
Take pictures of your kid BEFORE they leave and when they come back. If you have pictures pictures prove the home is filthy take those with you and potion for supervised visitation until they get their shit together
That is common with men. When they are with a woman that knows they have a child, they expect them to get their child. The thing is that you would think she would be making sure he’s bathed and such at their home. I would stop sending him. They will stop trying to get him. Take photos of him first and document his conditions.
I had to stop sending my son to his dad’s. One of the last times he really stayed was during the summer. He was supposed to have him for two weeks and called to say he couldn’t keep him both weeks and had to bring him home early. He had a tick in his ear, head lice, and three ringworms. One of which was in his scalp. My son is 19 now. I never talked badly about his dad to him; but, he has seen how his dad is for himself. Keep him and take care of him. While it is hard, it is better for you and him.
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I would not involve defacs unless it’s truly a life threatening matter. You need to speak with your attorney about doing an emergency order and modification.
You can absolutely do something through the courts and child protective services .who knows what those brui are from and it seems like there is neglect going on . Your child might be a tool for her and or him to intimidate you! Stop it now before it gets worse.trust me I was in the same situation!
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Heather Dahline step mom stepped up. She’s the woman in the house and most are just doing what moms do. We have full physical custody of my step son. He sees his mother every other weekend . The mom messages me to coordinate pick up etc. I take to all dr appointments. Take to school and pick up. I pack the lunches etc. Why Because I am mom. Dad works 18 hour days. Kids get dirt and bruised up if it’s not a normal dirty from typical playing then take photos. Document everything. Also speak to an attorney and they will tell you if it’s worth going back to court.
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Yes, get an attorney. Take pictures and screenshots, etc. Document everything with time/date. My ex and I have it in our agreement that any discussions about schedule, etc. are between me and him and third parties are not allowed. We are at a point now where we can make exceptions and I get along pretty well with my kids’ stepmom but yes, it can be done. Just go find a lawyer and they can start the process.
Just married my husband, we have been together for three years. He has a 10 year old child from a precious unmarried relationship that lasted 7 years. Legally, I am now stepmom because i am married to his father. As a step mom and a mother of a child that is biologically mine, all i can do is put myself in her shoes with her child. All communication happens between them regarding my step son because it is THEIR child together. I don’t text her details unless she texts me first. There are boundaries that this woman is crossing and that is not okay and it needs to be discussed with them both. As far as poor living conditions, unless it is a danger to your child, there is not much a court would be able to do about it. Why don’t you discuss this with them at the source?
First pick a pick up and drop off time and don’t change it it. They are taking advantage of that.
2nd dirty and nasty is to different things
3rd- don’t reply to her only do drop off and pick up with the dad. If you can
Speak with your lawyer, but ANYTHING can always be modified! So if your current agreement is not in the best interest of the child in anyway you bring that up to lawyer to get a petition ordered to go to court and get that changed and if you want supervised visitation that’s what you request and go from there.
Thats the best way to handle a situation like this, especially if your not able to speak to your Ex and its just the wife
If you feel it is unsafe, get a lawyer and document everything, and go for supervised visits. There is nothing stopping you.
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ask attorney n as far as pick set a place n time if they can meet then its on them till next visit
If it’s not the agreed upon visitation schedule then don’t be flexible. You do not have to keep changing to accommodate her schedule.
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Take to court with pictures and all proof you have and it will be supervised
You set the schedule, if they can’t abide they can skip it. Take pics of child and all you describe…if it is bad petition the court to stop sending him and allow them to take him to eat or play or movie etc but no overnight. Talking to your ex will do no good…some only want them when there is a woman to care for them, and it sounds like she doesn’t. Stop this now!
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What’s mine is yours. They’re married now. Say something to her about the cleanliness. Let’s be honest. The woman does 90% of the work when it comes to the 3 Cs. Cleaning, cooking, and children.
If she’s got a problem with what you have to say deny their time. 
As for her picking up and dropping off, it sounds like she’s involved more the dad. Let her do it.
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Like are we talking about filthy from playing or… Just not being bathed at all?
Does she have bio kids or experience with kids? Maybe she never has had to take care of kids and dont know anything.
Not taking up for her or nothin, but some people legit dont know any better and need it explained.
I was married and had 2 step sons. No bio kids, but I’m the oldest of 6 and had to take care of the younger ones in the house, so my 2 step sons it kinda came easy to take care of.
Just a thought
I talk to my husbands baby mom more than he does and I talk to my daughters step mom more than I talk to her dad. (Big blended family) Moms do majority of the work with cleaning and kids. There isn’t anything wrong with her wanting to be involved. It’s called co parenting. As for the filth, call dcf and have an investigation
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Take pictures and take him to court
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For sure if kids play outside and get dirty they should get bath and cleaned up before drop off. My son has never been dirty when I pick him up from Dad’s. And he plays outside. Take pictures.
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Take pictures when you drop him off , video chat and when you pick him up…
Keep dates and times on any and all events…
My friend had a situation kinda like yours…
In the end his lawyer won his case and the mother had to have only supervised visitation
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None of this is considered abuse 
we have 6 kids also stepmom is taking her part informing you of the visit I’d be most concerned if they didn’t talk to you about it I also have a flexible schedule why hold that against her however you can address the court about the baths we unfortunately have a court order that states one of the other parents need to bath our children every week they come home Mondays we usually have to make an appointment because our daughter was not bathed and has gotten irritated and will need cream this is also our documentation for court
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Call CPS. Open an investigation. Document everything
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Document and lawyer up. Also check the custody papers. If drop off and pick up times are listed don’t be so accommodating Unless it gives you more time and document
Get a court order parenting plan that lays out everything he has to do. If he violates it. He gets in trouble. He must bathe child. Do stuff with child. If he has gas and money to come get them he has gas and money to do something with them. No video games while child is there.
I never understood mom’s not taking these dead beats to court.
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U really don’t have control as u may think u do … court is not going to give either of u control of anything going on at anyone’s houses during visitation but your own
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Is what you do take pics of the child upon pick up with dad & wife their they ask tell them “I’m documenting my child’s cleaniness coming from you’re home” the wife says anything straight up tell you have no say in my child’s life you’re a stepparent legally you’re just their.
She will understand from their ok let that dad it she don’t want me too.
But sounds like she cares more than dad but definitely if that’s bad don’t allowed the child around it
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Tell them how you feel! If I ever have a problem that involves my children with my ex husband they all are gonna know about it, don’t hold that chit in, speak or forever hold your peace girl.
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Im going tho this rn but worst my daughter was sexually assaulted and I reported it to cps my son is non verbal so I don’t know what goes on with him but I know my children are in harms way and if there isn’t any court order you don’t have to take them there… but he could also fight you in court make sure you document everything girl. You got this 
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Sorry that he’s messing up your life, even now. He knows what he’s doing & I imagine he’s full of himself for moving on. If visitations are not court mandated, I’d stop them. An absent dad is better than a lousy dad. If this continues, document, document, document. Just because he contributed the sperm does not make him a dad.
DOCUMENT EVERYTHING!!! PRINT PHOTOS OF IT ALL!
Then go back to court & get supervised visits with dad, tell wife to stay out, & set visits for what works best for THE CHILD!
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I mean… if you have full primary physical custody and the visitation is all by word of mouth and not through the courts… wouldn’t you be able to deny visits (even if it’s just visits to THEIR HOUSE) until you and Ex and Stepmom can sit down and actually talk about it?
That’s what I’d do- if he seems to want to be involved.
Hugs mama❤
Go to court and get a visitation schedule. I wouldn’t let them keep dictating when the visits will be. The child needs consistency. Have the meeting place at a police precinct. I’m sure they won’t be dropping him off dirty there and if they do they can say something.
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When I went through this the best advice I got was document everything. Write dates and times and situations on a calendar. In court a calendar is considered a legal document. Also take photos of everything if its a concern, print them out and on the back write dates and times to match it up with your calendar. Also download an app on your phone to record phone calls… by law to record a phone call you have to have permission from 1 party (meaning if you give permission you can legally use the phone recordings). Also stop bending your visitation agreement to fit their schedule. For parents, we cant just completely change our schddules everytime something changes. We have to work around it. Kids need consistency. And revise your plan. You can get as detailed as you want and as specific. You have to have all this before you can legally change to supervised visits. So start documenting everything.
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If there’s cuts etc pics don’t matter unless documented by er .
Take photos and document EVERYTHING. Contact local police or child services for a wellness check
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Talk to your attorney
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Been there done that with step parent. My ex was not involved what so ever. Never went to ball games, Dr. Appt., School functions, etc. Is she working and not there during visits? Is dad on video games 24/7? When you do pick up and drop off video everything. Show child clean when you drop off, show child condition when you pick up. Tell them you will drop off at there home ( just so you can see house condition. ) Video condition of home. Document everything!
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Then you need to take your child to the hospital to make sure they are alright, go to court call the cops and tell them everything and try to get a supervised visitation at a facility.
You should file an emergency custody petition and keep him away from that house.
It isn’t enough to document this stuff. It only takes one time for a serious accident to take place. Documenting the signs before something serious happens can’t protect him.
The relationship between your ex and his new wife is dysfunctional. He’s the father but yet she’s in charge of the transfer of his child. It seems like she is pushing the relationship with your son on your ex or controlling how much he can be involved. Either way it’s not a safe household if they continuously return your son filthy, scratched up and bruised.
Why did you end things with your ex?
From this, it seems that he wasn’t involved in your life and now he’s doing a poor job with your child.
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You can petition for supervised visits.
As for dealing with the step mom, just state what you’re willing to do and leave it at that. You don’t have to negotiate with her.
I’m not sure what the courts can do as far as her being the one that you’re communicating with, but if there is no set visitation (by the court) you can stop it all together. Especially if you feel your child is not properly being taken care of when in their care. You can petition the court for supervised visitation, just make sure that you’re documenting everything. Screenshots, pictures, messages etc. Personally, I would speak up to Dad. Tell him this is yours and his child, not hers, and while you acknowledge her as his step-mother, the visitation schedule doesn’t depend on her. If he is supposed to pick up at 5pm on Friday, he needs to pick up at 5pm on Friday. Not 6 or 7. Not Saturday morning. Get a visitation schedule, in writing, and stick to it. If he is supposed to get his kid at 5pm and doesn’t, he can forfeit his weekend visitation. Just be prepared to have your child 24/7 because dad sounds like a douche and step-mom doesn’t sound much better. I’d also address the hygiene issue. I mean, my daughter is 8 and only wears socks and shoes when she absolutely has to. And she is always dirty and banged up because I swear she should have been a boy. She’s always in the dirt and outside. But I would make it clear that he needs daily baths and clothes changes. Especially if he’s outside playing. Kids get dirty and hot and sweaty. If dad can’t adhere to the common sense of taking care of a child, then he doesn’t need to take care of that child.
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Gather all evidence you can get with pics on FB of house condition, your child’s condition upon return, and the constant changing to accomodate her an go to court. While in court make it clear that the new wife and her schedule should not affect you and your child’s lives at all and ask the judge to have it be drop off and pick up with father only. I’ve seen other moms have to do it because of how toxic the new wife is. Just because he married her don’t mean you have to deal with her. I would request supervised visitation until the filth is taken care of. If you take solid evidence to court child services should be appointed by the court to over see the process. Best of luck
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You need pictures of your child before he goes and when he comes home write everything down if u can get pics of the house get them then go out in emg custody and write as much as u can to get it approved then there will be no contact until court when ur in the court room show all evidence and what you want out of this order i have been there I have in the order neither one is allowed to speak about anyone else in the home no bad mouthing etc. So yes you can have in the new court order that she is not to interfer in your and his parenting and if she continues you can hold her in contempt for not following the court order and instead of her picking up the child the father should pick them up even if its a drop off location it sucks things like this have to be done but sometimes there is no other option
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Document everything. And yes you can go to court and revise visitation and ask that wife doesn’t get involved because it’s making things more complicated. I had to do this with my oldest.
Document every thing, and maybe ask the court to do a home visit with them, explain your concerns, go to mediation and explain what’s going on, get something concrete in court as to pick up and drop off.
The judge will tell the new wife to mind her business. She has no rights. As far as the dirt good luck. If the house is a style call child protective services
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Go back to court, you did not have a child with her, you had a child with him. It’s absolutely none of her business and she shouldn’t have any say when or where drop off is. I’m sorry but no.
Yes and yes … if you have proof of the unsanitary and unsafe so you can show the judge other wise its just hear say or a pissed off ex wife … and as far as getting around step mom you make it stated that you each have to have current contact information and that it’s his time to spend with the child it needs to be around dads time not step moms and he provides transportation and also set times of when the child should be picked up and dropped off by dad
Also take pictures of how she is sent to dads and how she is returned … document all bruises
You actually can go back to court and also ask your order be revised that you will speak only to him and/or meet only him. My papers “orders” actually state that.
File with the courts, tell them of your arrangement n documented proof of neglect. My sister went thru this with her step-son. Her n her husband (child’s father) had visitation rights every 2 weeks. Child came to them filthy, hungry, n wearing clothes 3 sizes too small for him. Judge opened a child services case against bio-mom n she had to have home visits every few weeks with a child service worker, as well as providing proof the support $$ was being spent on clothes for him n bills.
Document Document Document Write a journal past and present with as much as you can remember Take photos of your child and have someone call CPS when child is on his time and send them there (Also take his but back to court and put everything in solid writing including drop off and pick up arrangements Good Luck sounds like you have a long road ahead
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Document everything. Take pictures.Talk to them him mostly tell him you not happy with the way he’s brought home.
Call your police department when your child is there n ask for a child welfare check