Ok I’m going to ask is the step mom doing all the pickups and drop-offs because if she is then she’s going out of her way it should be the dad doing it if there’s a problem… I’m only asking because I use to go get my daughter from her mother’s house and I enjoyed doing so because she would tell me how her week was in school and I would enjoy our conversations her dad would be busy at times
Notify children’s protection services immediately. Get a lawyer and file through court motion to change current agreement.
Do NOT call CPS. They will end up taking the child from the both of you while it gets “investigated”.
Start building a 10 inch thick file of EVERY sIngle incident including videos, pictures statements and any other evidence you can collect and take his butt back to court. The judge won’t give a damn what his new “wife” has to say he will actually tell her to sit her a$$ down
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First - visitation should be per court order - time and date ; if they cannot make time /or date as agreed - visitation of that weekend - cancelled ( they can sort it out at court ; but this is what the judge will tell them and they can file for an alternative schedule )
- Second - this is a form of child abuse for sure ; I would file emergency order to stop visitation, go for full Legal custody ( and Physical ) and request supervised visitation only
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I’m guessing there are a few stepmoms on this thread that are getting upset with your comments about her involvement, but what I took from those comments was that you’re trying to address concerns and issues with DAD because some are related to inappropriate demands SM is making regarding the schedule. Advice from someone who grew up with the living situations you’re describing and with two close friends battling the same type of issue:
-As others have said contact a lawyer or community advocacy group if you can’t afford a lawyer and document EVERYTHING. Save texts, print and save cell phone bills that show calls times to prove late p/u or drop off, take photos before and after your babe leaves for Dad’s, download and save photos you referenced of unclean living conditions, etc. Take note of condition of dad and/or SM at pickup and drop off or include them in photos of kiddo
-In writing, address your concerns to Dad. This can be via email or text, but carries more weight if you send letter via certified mail that requires a signature. This shows you made good faith efforts to ensure proper and adequate care for your child. You can even reference the impact changing routines and expectations has on the child (which there is tons of data on the troubles a young child can face resulting from changes to routine and lack of continuity with visits). If SM’s schedule is varied and she cannot honor agreed routine then either dad needs to step up when she can’t or visitation needs to be reduced to days she doesn’t work and such changes won’t take place. If it is all in writing and justified with why these requests are in the best interest of your child, it will go a long way for you. You won’t look like a bitter ex (like some people have commented 
smh) but a mom who wants the best for their kid.
-Do not call CPS/child services right away…no only is that an incredibly stressful experience for any child, it will also make your life more complicated and place additional scrutiny on you. If you have immediate concerns for your child’s safety then, of course call, otherwise make sure you’ve done the things mentioned above so you don’t get blasted by any accusations from dad and SM.
-Talk to your kiddo in age appropriate language about what they LIKE about dad’s house and sm, learn more about the activities they are doing by asking questions to both kiddo and parents and share more information about what you’re doing when kiddo is with you. Even text photos when little is doing XYZ to encourage them doing the same. The more you know about what is happening and the more you try to build a positive co-parenting connection, the more clear it will be if there are unsanitary or inappropriate conditions. At that age language is limited but using books and pictures can help. Building trust that they can talk to you and to tell you if they get hurt or someone hurts them is vital.
-Don’t get caught up in the hater comments on here…being a parent with an ex is hard and you need a safe place to vent and seek support. This should be able to be that place. Plus, it is best for you to vent and express negative feelings here versus risking it bubbling up/out in front of or to your kiddo. Demonizing the other parent makes a kid feel like they are part of the problem, too.
I knows it’s a long comment but my heart goes out to you and I hope you have brighter days ahead for you and your little as well as their relationship with the other part of their family (dad and SM).
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I’m currently training to become a foster parent and these are textbook signs of child neglect. Something to look out for as well, you mentioned cuts and bruises. As I have been told, kids will accidentally bruise themselves, but it will be on a bony part, because that’s what they hit. What you want to look out for is bruising on soft tissue, like the underside of the arm (pinching or grabbing) or the thigh, abdomen, etc. Those could potentially be signs of physical abuse. Take pictures, and talk to your lawyer. You likely need to take full custody. Your child’s health and safety is top priority, and their dad is not putting them first.
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does your son seem happy when he comes home? maybe look at the interfering wife as a good thing. if dad wasnt an involved parent before, chances are the wife is the primary caretaker of your son when he is over there. make her your friend and primarily communicate with her because it seems the ex would just be the middle man anyway. you said there are other kids in their home…thats where the bruises come from most likely…playing and rough housing with other kids. dirt, no shoes and socks, all part of childhood and better for a toddlers feet actually. if your son doesnt cry and scream when its time to go over there and seems emotionally fit when he comes home then i wouldn’t worry too much. my ex and i have been divorced for 8 years, we have 9 children and 3 of them are still kids and go for weekend visits. ive always felt better/safer when he has a steady girlfriend…i like a womans/mommas eyes watching out for my kids when they are over there.
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Get in touch with welfare services take pictures of when the child leaves and when she comes back before you clean her up
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No you cant stop her from interfering. Besides they are married so its her life to now. I know that sucks but im currently the new girl and his ex has tried everything possible to get me out of it but the courts dont care because im a good parent myself. As for your child bring dirty what you need to do is call CPS during one of his visits or a welfare check and then they can see first hand if the situation is ideal or not. But honestly botton line is if your going to let the baby’s dad be in the picture then that means putting up with whoever he has in his life
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Please contact a lawyer and bring up a motion in regards to what you said. You are concerned about your child at dads house because of how he comes back to you every time. Who knows what else the child is being exposed to at that house other than what you just see at first glance. Start documenting, pictures, video, of when your son is dropped off to you. Maybe even when you drop him off so you have evidence of the difference.
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You have to take him back to court and ask for everything you want. They can order your communication to be solely between you and the other parent. You need proof to get the supervised visitation. But you have to file for a modification of current custody orders. Speak with a lawyer. And when it comes to visits stick to what is in the current order only no more accommodating.
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This is between you and your ex NOT his new wife. And yes if your child is coming home dirty I would definitely get the courts involved.
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Document, document, document! Including all texts and communications…Do you know where they live? You could drop by with clean clothes or a favorite night time snuggle toy. No confrontation but get your eyes full then document date, time, and what you see…bring along a witness not your best friend.
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I would take pictures of him and any marks when he comes home. And yes keep a journal, I would contact your lawyer right away and maybe contact child protective services if the home is that filthy.
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Document. Take everything to court. Get ordered supervised visitations at an actual center.
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As long as the kid seems mentally and emotionally okay then why stop the visit? Kids get dirty, just give them a bath when they get home. My step kids get dirty at my house on the weekends and that’s usually how they go home because we have them for such a short time. They a are dirty because they spend pretty much the whole visit outside playing. If you believe the house they are going to is too unsanitary for your child to be in, then it’s probably too unsanitary for the other kids and you should call CPS. They will determine if it’s a fit home. Mediation is a great tool to help. Have step mom, dad, you and maybe even a friend of yours or mom to help back you up. Explain how working around the step mom schedule isn’t appropriate nor will it continue to happen. Then if things still aren’t great go back to court. But kids deserve to have both parents.
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AS long as child is being fed and taking care of not abused not much you can do at tis point. You need to keep a journal of everything all contacts times and dates and pictures if needed. Then you will be prepared should you need to be, If it gets so bad you might try getting a third party for dropping off and picking up so you have less contact and witnesses. Good luck it’s not easy but always keep the child’s best interest first most.
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Maybe you should drop the child off at their home one day and see for yourself…A house that may look lived in to one person may be filthy to another. Kids do play and they can get hurt, scrapes, and bruises from playing. Talk to your child and ask the questions. As far as baths, some children may refuse in front of strangers…Do they have change of clothes for the child at their house…You need to ask…Do you send clothing with him…Maybe her work schedule is hectic and maybe she leaves it up to Dad…Maybe Dad is scared to bathe the 3 year old….There are lots of factors involved here…Go visit the home and find out before you go down a path and cause everyone including yourself alot of unnecessary drama…This could turn on you and make you looklike your jealous and being controlling…This could turn everything bitter when you could make it nice. Maybe you just need to sit down and work something out in writing and have it signed by all. If they cant get the child that weekend they will just forfeit and then have to wait next scheduled visit but they have to give you x amount of warning if not coming to get child…Maybe Dad feels more comfortable with his wife there and your son and that is why they are working around her schedule
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Document everything! Pictures of child as soon as they come home. Every cut scrape bruise needs photographed. Keep a calender and document when they get them from what time to what time. Keep every receipt that you spend on them. Contact a lawyer and get the custody started
My brothers wife kinda has the same issue her one kid has visitations with his dad and this dad still lives with mom, he like 30 and mom does everything for him, and she always tries to interfere and when she does it makes everything worse, pick ups and drop offs, communication, i think she filed something through the court that she cant interfere any more or she will get in trouble, she got him new clothes ect he would come back from dads in clothes that would be way to small for him, he has to take medicine and some times they wouldnt give it to him, or his glasses would be be broken and he has special glasses that they have to pay out of pocket for, its just a mess most of the time, the way they set up vists is soooo confusing, especially for holidays, i guess i would take with your lawyer and see what can be done, and document everything that happens so you have proof of everything good and bad
Start documenting everything (cuts, bruising) then bring the case to Child Protective Services. They’ll advise you on your options. Other woman IS Stepmom now and it’s possible she doesn’t know she’s supposed to bath a child twice a day, dress and groom a child because your ex doesn’t do any of those things either.
You have primary custody so therefore all the power. He is not clean, he has injuries and it would be very important to talk with him and encourage him to tell you what the visits are like. Talk with a lawyer. Perhaps designated visitation would be better then they cannot keep changing plans. That is of he’ is safe there.
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Can absolutely go back to court. Have the receipts to prove your case. Make notes, take pictures, and when they post something on Facebook showing filthy conditions in their home take a snapshot of that. And, all you people that comment take it to a lawyer not Facebook, this is a advice column. To get advice from people who may be in the same position or have been. Or, just have a opinion about the matter.
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Honey, you need a lawyer ASAP. I tried to do things without the law or court orders and it didn’t get better until I got a lawyer and had them handle things. You done owe ex or new wife an explanation so I wouldn’t even give them a heads up that you’re getting a lawyer. It’s your responsibility to care for your babies and if you feel there is a problem then stick to your guns. Stay strong mama! It will get better!
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Why should you change pick up time for them.
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I think their is an App for coparenting that a mediator can be part of . Their maybe a monthly fee . Whether you like it or not SM is probably going to be part of your life and your child’s main care giver. I would mention it to your ex about your concern .
Just work together…. Fighting between each other will only hurt your kid
You should have already done something in the courts you need to protect your kid
Stop being petty about the step mom. And yes. They are married. She is a step mom
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You can go to court and ask for a home study. You’ll have to pay for it. We had one done and it came back that there were unsafe living conditions and he had to have supervised visits at his sisters house.
You should keep a paper trail, take pictures, save texts for court purposes. The more, the better
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Take pictures…keep journal…keep them safe…hire a lawyer and request he pay legal fees.
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Call CPS( child protection service)
They will interview and intervene.
Do it as soon as possible.
Good luck!
Stop the visitations
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Have you thought to ring so you can talk to the father just a thought
I agree with most of the comments get child services involved and get a lawyer 
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Sounds like step mom is doing what she thinks is best and likes to let you know what’s going on. Have you moved on? Is their some bitterness towards her? If the dad is a lazy fuck sitting at home playing video games 24/7 but she works and takes care of the kids which is why she requests visitation when she’s not working then appreciate it. And I’m sure u can simply ask for ur kid to be washed up before coming home
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Talk to your Ex.he may not see what 's going on
Get a lawyer. Different circumstances for different people.
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She should not have a say
Look into it n ask the kid questions. Kids tell the truth if you talk with them.
Sounds like welfare needs to be involved and they need to visit their place unannounced. U need to document (with pictures also especially the Facebook post). There’s no reason the child needs to go over there since you have custody.
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do it, you have to protect your child
Judge Judy would tell her that she has no right at all to set up visits, as this is NOT her child. Contact a lawyer or even Child Services. Go back to court with picture proof.
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Its not your job to accommodate them and HER schedule has NOTHING to do with his parenting time. Follow the court order period end of discussion. If dad can’t make his court ordered days then he forfeits his visit that week period. When you give ppl an inch they take a mile
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Start by having drop offs happen at a police station. Then maybe they or cps can document the child’s condition…
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Nope stop the visits! Why should your baby have to live like that? Cut him out before it gets worse.
Screen shots. Keep everything she txts you about accommodating her work schedule.
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Man all of you telling her to stop reaching out on FB, stfu!!
talk to your lawyer.
Go atty document all take photos etc
Talk to an attorney!
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Get some legal advice .
Document, document…especially with pictures.
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Cherish Saltzer Vazquez