So they arent his kids… be thankful that he is spending time with them because clearly he stepped up as a father figure. You arent required to let him see them but since you are it should be handled like every other co parenting situation. My ex has kids ( not mine they were my step kids) and i have actually became best friends with his kids mom and so thankful that she never judges me the way you judge her. If you allow him to play father then welcome her with open arms and that will help the kids come around to the idea of a new woman.
I give this a credit score of 180
You tell your bf their feelings and if he or she doesn’t like it then don’t let them go see him. If the kids don’t like it then they do t like it. Even if it’s just one drink or 10. If they are uncomfortable then stop putting them somewhere where they are. People saying if it’s one drink then it’s fine cause I do that. Well that’s all well and good, but those kids don’t like it and feel uncomfortable about it.
How old are your kids?
Is she treating them poorly?
Does she do inappropriate things?
Does she know that she can wait till they’re asleep or not there to drink?
Does he know it’s a problem for the kids?
How new is she?
Is she a bad person?
Sounds like me with my wine🙄
Ill be asking the kids why?? What happens?? Her attitude/personality may change towards them.
I personally would not take the issue lightly and dismiss the kids. I grew up in an alcoholic/heavy drinking family. Seen and been through alot.
Well since they are not biologically his tell them to not go if they don’t like it. Try to find a time she won’t be around so they don’t have to be around her if they don’t like it.
There is a lot to be thankful for . If he still sees and takes care of the kids don’t push him away because he’s got a new girlfriend. ( she may be drinking a few to think what is going on. Her new man is spending time with kids that aren’t his ) What ages are the children ? Also if you make a bigger deal then it is you will push him away where it’s going to cause more trouble then he wants then the kids are really going to be hurt if he doesn’t see them . Sounds like he loves and cares for them so he’s not going to let her harm them in any way if you trust him to keep them then you have to trust his company around them as well .
Is she having A drink? Or SEVERAL drinks? There’s too little information here
He can’t fix it if he doesn’t know how they feel. You need to have a discussion with him and maybe he would talk to her and she may very well be willing not to drink in front of them but don’t push their feelings aside. They need to know you got them, always
Kids and alcohol aren’t a great mix.
This is just missing too many details for one! Do these children see this man as their father? If so and you will continue to allow that relationship, his girlfriend drinking is no ones business unless she is acting out of character. People can have a glass of wine or 2 at dinner and still be completely functional and not deemed as “alcoholics”. If this is bothering these kids that much, then I guess the solution would be to keep them away from their “father” or you mention to their father that they don’t like it and see how he handles it. As you stated up above he will not be happy about it so it sounds like this is all a little exaggerated. Good luck.
There is no need to have alcohol when there are children around!!!
If she’s not getting wasted, it’s not their business. It’s great that he maintains a relationship with them. I propose wouldn’t start a fight that might comprise the relationship
I have a drink every time I eat
I may be the odd one out here, but that’s fine. Just because she drinks every time they go out for dinner doesn’t mean she’s an alcoholic. There is so much info left out here. How often does he have them? How often do they go out to eat? How many is she having when she does? Does she drink at home too or just out to eat? If the kids have an issue with it, it should come from THEM, not you. You can and should facilitate the conversation with your ex, but you should let the kids do the talking and help mitigate his reaction if necessary. If it comes from them, he can’t blame you or accuse you of trying to get in the way of his new relationship. They need to be able to talk to him the same as they do to you. Just because he may not like it doesn’t mean he doesn’t need to hear it.
Giiirl… That woman is grown! Kids are just that, kids… They should stay out of grown folk’s business. As long as she is responsible, not getting sloppy drunk & mistreating them, or forcing them to drink alcohol is really NONE OF THEIR BUSINESS. I feel like if her getting drunk and treating them badly was an issue it would have been mentioned, so that doesn’t seem to be the case. Which, I’m sure if that was the case they would tell you and fight you about goin to hang out with their-Ex-Almost Stepdad…
Umm I dont know all of the circumstances but if he is your ex and he is not there father then you should tell him that it makes the children uncomfortable and you would appreciate it if she doesnt drink in front of YOUR children and if he cant accommodate that. Then he will not be seeing them again unless its supervised.
Stop the outside visits. If he wants to see them, it’s supervised at a child friendly environment only or no go.
Sounds like her drinking bothers you more. I mean I don’t know how old your kids are but as a kid it would not be easy to put together things like “boy she is drinking again. I don’t like this” if there is another issue involving alcohol like she gets abnoxciosly loud when she drinks or starts cursing or aggressive, then it would sound more understandable
Not being rude but tell them to mind their business! This woman is grown… I could understand if shes acting out but it sounds to me like she isnt.
As long as she’s not the one driving 🤷 maybe kids make her nervous? Maybe she had a bad work day? Maybe she enjoys a few drinks when out? If she isn’t wasted and needing carried out or lashing out at the kids, tell the kids to mind their busines.
I drink when I cook, so there’s a lot of room for jumping to judgement there. The kids and I cook together almost every night when they are here, I don’t over do it I just have a drink or two while I’m cooking that’s my routine and the kids know it. I don’t hide it, we laugh, play around, have a good time while everyone is together.
I just wanna say as a mother of three , grandmother of five and step mom. Sometimes kids embellish if they feel dad is paying attention to another. It’s normal to have a drink at dinner. My son told a waitress I drank a lot . It was first time I’d drank any adult beverage in yrs. So u have to find out for urself. He obviously loves ur children. Talk to him. Communication is best. Be respectful and don’t come at him sideways.
Is she getting drunk or just having a drink or 2 at dinner. I need details because this could go one way or another🧐
You need to talk to him. Your kids are uncomfortable for reason. Nobody should be minimizing that. Since he’s not their father court won’t come into play. Just stop sending them until he can put their comfort & security first.
Is it 1 or 2 drinks with dinner or is she downing a bottle of Jack and taking Jello shots out of the bartender’s navel? There’s a big difference.
Lol my kids see me drink all the time but never to the point of getting drunk. Especially if we are going out for dinner food at a restaurant is expensive enough so night as well throw a few drinks in there. I think your the one that has a problem with it because the kids told you that she drank or you questioned the kids about what goes on at " their dads " and if he isn’t their father you better have that conversation soon with your children or they will grow up to despise you . At the end of the day he loves those children like they are his own. He doesn’t have to see them but he does . So I would just bite your tongue or he won’t see the kids anymore .
An ADULT having a drink with a meal is normal whether kids are there or not! Even if its not with a meal and shes enjoying a drink at home in the evening! I have never heard of kids feeling uncomfortable because an adult is having a drink unless they are getting drunk all the time! I could think of worse things she could be doing in front of the kids. At least your ex is seeing them and taking them for meals… they are very lucky considering they are not biologically his and you are no longer together.
Unless she can’t handle her alcohol and is getting drunk acting a fool or driving that’s really non of their business. She’s grown and if she wants to have a drink or two she can. If y’all don’t like it don’t send them. He’s not their father so they don’t have to go. I’ve honestly never heard of kids caring if adults drink so it sounds like they were taught it’s a bad thing
Ppl acting like nothing’s wrong… My mother was an alcoholic and it’s traumatizing to kids. What if this woman has more then a few drinks and acts a certain type of way around the kids… If she has one drink fine. But maybe it’s more…
If they are your kids, not his, and they seem to keep having this issue then WHY send them? There need not be an issue.
If not biological his and he hasn’t adopted them…then either he has the privilege of seeing them as long as they are not drinking. I don’t think that’s a lot to ask. And it is your business…they are YOUR kids and if this bothers them, it’s your job to see they are in good hands and happy.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My kids dislike my exes new girlfriend due to the fact that she is always drinking: Advice?
Is it just meals she has a drink with? If that’s the case I would explain to the children that it’s her choice, I personally don’t see having a alcoholic drink with a meal a problem.
If they children can’t talk to him because he will not be happy, how many other things does he do that the children don’t like that they don’t speak out about.
You can’t do anything. The children arnt his, He and his girlfriend can do whatever they want.
If you have a problem then either trying speaking to them or stop the visits.
Your kids have no input into the actions of an adult. It’s none of their business. Perhaps you should be educating the children to mind their own business and spend more time concentrating on their own lives and character deficiencies.
Having a drink with a meal is normal. If she was drinking morning to night that would be different.
It’s not your business leave them alone
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My kids dislike my exes new girlfriend due to the fact that she is always drinking: Advice?
Wait…you all are judging her for getting drinks with her dinners?
You shouldn’t be condoning this behavior in your children. It’s totally okay if you don’t like to have wine or a margarita or whatever with your dinner but it’s not uncommon nor is it alcoholism to have a drink with your meal in the evening. I don’t think your kids have a problem with her “drinking”, I think they have a problem with her being the new girlfriend so they’re being nit picky. You should have a sit down with them about it.
I think “mom” is grilling the kids to find things out and the kids don’t want to hurt mom’s feelings by saying they like her. Your blessed with a man who wants to be around kids that aren’t his. Let them have that relationship and stay out of it. When kids don’t like someone they don’t want to go back and I don’t think that’s the case at all. They’ve included your kids into their family
I’m sorry I am a wine drinker it has to be more then just drinking… he has a right to move on, she has a right to her life, so does he. I’ll be honest I did not read the article, but he they aren’t even his kids too?? Be an adult, have a sit down with them all!
I don’t understand the children having such strong and adverse opinions about alcohol when it’s absolutely fine to drink as an adult and it’s not their place at all to dictate what a grown adult does that isn’t detrimental to them. WHY are they uncomfortable? I’m the drink wine at night mom or the have a drink or two at brunch/lunch with the family. I feel like I’m modeling responsible drinking habits rather than teaching my kids it’s “bad.” Is this person drunk all the time? Am I missing something?
Are the kids really uncomfortable with it on their own or did they happen to overhear a comment about it from you? That’s my question. If they’re uncomfortable with it by themselves then a conversation needs to be had BUT it needs to be said in a way that the children don’t like it. If it’s a comment they overheard and now they have formed an opinion about it based on that you need to address it with the kids.
Maybe they are not used to seeing it at every meal out. But you should be able to say… Hey the kids came to me voiceing a concern. They seem to think your new gf drinks alot. Maybe you can speak to her and then about one drink if not alot. But try to limit how much is drank Infront if them
You just said that they’re not his biological children so you don’t have to do a damn thing stand up for your kids and say listen my children don’t need to be around an alcoholic if you choose to be around an alcoholic that’s on you but my kids are staying with me from this point on
1.if he is not your children’s father, he isn’t obligated to have any kind of relationship with them anymore. 2.he has every right to move on with his life. 3.I get that there are probably going to be people who think I’m being rude by saying that he’s not obligated to stay in touch with kids that aren’t biologically his(relax, everyone has opinions, im just expressing mine. No one is obligated to agree. ) 4.if them drinking while they have your children ,then you do have the right to voice your concerns (in a respectful, adult way) .5. If it honestly bothers you and you can’t figure out how to make it work, don’t allow your children to go with them anymore. Unless you are able to work out a way that everyone involved is happy with.
- They aren’t even his kids…
- she’s an adult!!! She can have a drink. As long as she isn’t abusive, it’s not your children’s business.
- unless she is rude to your children, it’s not really your business either. Your ex deserves to move on and have a relationship.
If she is only having 1-2 drinks then tell your kids she is an adult and it’s none of their business. I usually get a cocktail when I go out to dinner but I don’t often drink at home. There’s a huge difference between someone who enjoys a well-made cocktail or beer and someone who “needs” alcohol. And what is the message you have given your kids about alcohol? Sounds like a moral issue they have learned from the mom. Also, kids need not be crossing boundaries into adult issues. Kids who do that do it because they have t been taught boundaries.
She is free to do wat she wants and yur kids shd stop looking at the “bad” in her…sounds like yall just looking for a reason not to like her…
I think communication is healthy. I would use this to have them develop healthy communication skills so they can express their concerns to them without being invalidated.
I wouldn’t allow my kids around someone who’s A) making them uncomfortable, and B) being a bad example. If they’re not biologically his then set a hard boundary that he cannot see the kids if she’s going to be drinking around them. It’s probably hard enough for them that y’all broke up, then have to deal with that is just too much. You’re the mom, you’re in charge, Set a firm boundary and stick with it. This is your kids, it’s not something to mess around with.
Firstly they are not his kids. They may have a beautiful connection but u can let him know exactly how you feel. U can make the rules. Tell him that you dont want the kids to be around his girlfriend when she has been drinking (I assume it’s excessive and therefor the issue). Simple, if he does not like it, then you have no obligation to send the kids with him.
Unless she’s getting wasted then I don’t see an issue. It more sounds like they just don’t like the girl bc you two aren’t together anymore.
If its something you’re not comfortable with then don’t let him take the kids anymore. You’re not going to be able to stop her from drinking…
Adults are allowed to drink. Kids don’t get to tell adults what to do. I think they are looking for reasons to make her look bad, because they want you two to stay together.
Nothing… if they are responsible and don’t act up around the kids stay outta it. They unfortunately need to learn that they cannot control what others do.
So confused. This man isn’t the legal father to these kids but he wants to be in their life and take them to do things… he sounds pretty stand up to me and you’re getting help in a way most would dream of.
The fact she drinks is on her. The kids should feel
comfortable to tell him they don’t like it and he can talk to her but otherwise there’s no leg to stand on.
Choose your battles
She is grown and not the one caring for the kids… she can do as she wishes. The kids aren’t biologically his either… you can mention to him that the kids are uncomfortable and put the ball in his court. What she does is really none of your business, unless your kids are very young AND she puts them in danger.
Tell him either she lays off the booze in front of the kids or they ain’t going over there anymore
Nah, you cant stand the fact that hes moved on and is potentially happy. Sorry but get over yourself and stop using the kids as an excuse🤷♀️ Even though they not his, they will see how happy she makes him and they will eventually be happy for him if you dont make their minds up for them.
I feel bad for the kids of a lot of people commenting on here. If your kids are uncomfortable with something, you just tell them to get over it? Like seriously? She clearly acts different while drunk, if the kids are uncomfortable. My child would not be going anywhere with someone who makes them uncomfortable. I can’t believe so many parents just wouldn’t care about their kids feelings or safety.
Well umh he’s not their father and he’s an ex. I think its time to cut ties
Ask her to put it in a red solo cup
Maybe your kids are uncomfortable because you are acting like a margarita with dinner is the same as stabbing someone at the dinner table
Then she needs to be the kids’ voice and tell the ex boyfriend how they feel
Your kids come first. If they feel uncomfortable communicate with your ex about it, and honestly if he isn’t their bio dad and you are separated I don’t get why he has to continue to be a part of your family.
Is she getting drunk or rowdy all the time? If not, why shouldn’t she enjoys drink with a meal out?
My kids go to my exes who’s not the bio but I would never dictate what his new girl can do, as long as there is no abuse then no problem
I can’t believe what I just read. How can you be ok with handing over the kids to your ex-boyfriend as if he is the father. You’re complaining about his drinking girlfriend when you sound just as bad.
If my kid was complaining that he/she feels uncomfortable I Wouldn’t be sending them to spend time with my ex boyfriend who is not even the biological father.
If she needs to drink w every meal she’s an alcoholic they’re not his kids, if he wants to be involved w them they need to go by YOUR rules or just not let them see the kids
Is she rude? Mean to them? What’s the basis on not liking her? You didn’t explain very much other than the kids don’t like her, or her drinking…is it the fact this new girlfriend is just that new? Is it the fact that maybe they feel like his attention is not completely on them, and they’re saying it’s the drinking? They’re children they don’t get to dictate. I don’t know the whole situation, but you said if they say something he’ll act like a child…if he’s very immature and childish, why are they going there?seems to me there’s a whole lot left out of this story.
they wouldn’t like me either. Keep them home
Kinda makes me wonder why your kids dislike people or her drinking? Have they been around drunk people before? Or is she acting up when she drinks? It wouldn’t be a problem for me though unless my children voiced the fact that she was actually being rude or disrespecting them. Even in saying that id be quiet offended if my hubbies ex missus came at me telling me not to drink infront of her kids.
um she’s an adult and can have a drink with her meal. Sheltering your kids from an adult legally enjoying a drink is ridiculous. Unless she’s getting wasted and driving your kids while she has them strapped to the roof…let it go. Sounds like he’s a great guy for remaining in your kid’s lives. Heck, I’m having a glass of wine now while cooking dinner. Guess my ex-h better come take me to court for full custody because of it…not. Get over yourself.
You or your kids cannot control who he sees or not. He obviously loves your kids but has no obligation to them or you. As long as your kids are not put in danger or exposed to any harm, why should you dictate what your ex does or who he is with?
I think it’s sweet he stays in there lives just because he not the dad doesn’t mean he doesn’t have a special bond with them
So that part I don’t see as a issue as other do
Lots of people aren’t blood Related and are the best family around
Maybe after dealing with your kids all day she likes to enjoy one drink with her meal and it sounds like its when they are out not at home and constant so i dont see the issue. Some people drink a glass of red wine for blood pressure, some say it helps you sleep, there are studies on it increasing your breast milk supply. Its not all bad. I think your overthinking this. Why are the kids bringing up her having one drink at dinner anyways? Are you coaching them?
You need to set some boundaries. Your children’s safety and concerns should come first.
Well since the kids aren’t his he doesn’t need to be taking them for her to be around them lol. Yea he might have taken care of them when y’all were together but honestly that “obligation” ended when y’all’s relationship ended.
I doubt the kids brought it up on their own. To me, You had to have asked them about this woman a lot
Those aren’t his kids? Everyone needs to get off their high horse and be more appreciative…
What can you do? Maybe tell your kids it’s okay for an adult to enjoy cocktails as long as it’s done responsibly. Is she the only one drinking? Dad isn’t having a beer also? If you or YOUR kids don’t like it, keep your kids home. Why do you even need advice for this? You can tell the bitterness in your post “always has to have” “he will act like a child”. I’m sure if she was drunk, stumbling, belligerent or even aggressive you’d state that in your post, but you didn’t. Just stop being petty.
Sounds like a perfect parenting lesson to teach your kids that everyone is allowed to be different as long as they aren’t hurting themselves or others with their choices. One drink when out to dinner is not an issue unless there is a lot more you are leaving out. But they aren’t his kids, and he’s still willing to be in their lives. So it seems like they are just acting out like children do, because they are mad you broke up and looking for a problem with her.
If she isnt getting drunk then well shes an adult
Keep them with you, he has no rights to your kids and doesn’t need to see them at all if the two of you are done. But that’s your choice, you can either choose to allow them to be exposed to that or keep them with you.
Although they aren’t biologically his, if he cares for them he needs to be told so he can say something. One rule my mom always gave me was the right to tell the people she brought around whether they can smoke in my presence. Her friends asked me if they could light up a cigarette.
Now you situation is a little different it if the kids aren’t comfortable or she is being excessive or a danger to your kids than something needs to be said. Your kids sound old enough to decide what kind of people they want around and that would be good enough for me to minimize the time my kids spent with said person.
Sounds like a bit of an exaggeration to me simply because if they’re with him that much and she is constantly intoxicated then I see a problem but when they go out for meals and she has a drink or two there’s nothing wrong with that and they may just dislike her because she’s not you it may not have anything to do with drinking at all
Talk to him like an adult on behalf of your kids.
I think it’s great he stepped up and kept the relationship with the kids
- How much is she drinking, is she mean inappropriate? If no then no issue.
- Are you sure your kids are honest about it or trying to find a way to get you back together and get rid of her?
Honestly…he is your ex. Who he is dating and what mannerisms she might have does not concern you. If your children don’t like the drinking, then don’t expose them to it. Like you said, he is not their dad, so therefore he really can do whatever he wants to do. It sounds to me like you are the one holding on. You really have no say since ge is your ex and all…your priority should be your children. so keep them away if they don’t like it.
Maybe she drinks mostly when they are there instead of when there not bc they stress out everyone and too cool her anxiety she has a few to chill since I’m sure she has no say in discipline and he ain’t even the bio father…let’s face it… most kids are no “saints”… as long as she’s not being belligerent or acting a fool… or putting anyone in danger… or hurting your kids… you either don’t send them or understand the dynamics about how “involved” it is for everyone.
Um, the woman is literally sitting there with her man and a bunch of kids that aren’t even his biologically…SHE NEEDS A DAM* DRINK! Wow! #wtffiles
Depends, do you have custody?? If so I’d be cutting that time with him unless it’s supervised.
I suggest without her in the picture. (This DOES NOT mean break them up) it means no more visits for HER. Unless she’s going to cut her drinking, I’d be straight cutting her off and putting her in her place as a mother… I’m not a mother but can say this shit will never happen around my kids, even if I’m trying to keep the peace and I have an ex I have kids too - I will speak volumes for my children - if your children are uncomfortable you need to speak up for them and require more respect.
You can do absolutely nothing. I’m sure your kids will just find something else they don’t like about her if she did stop drinking. What that lady drinks, how often she drinks, is her business. Now is a good time to teach your kids that.
Personally if she is the only adult drinking and is showing adult behavior while she is drinking I don’t see a problem with it. Kids and adults alike are not going to like something that anyone does. If its not affecting the relationship with the kids an husband and just something the kids don’t like about her. Its not an issue. I’m going to add i do not drink so no this isn’t about me. Lol this is about liked and dislikes about people. If she is not a belligerent drunk when they are out and about and isn’t driving or putting your kids in danger i don’t see it as a problem other than the opinion of children’s likes and dislikes. We as your audience need you to set the scene so you can get the most accurate info from us viewers as well. This is just my opinion
If the kids are stating they don’t like being around her because she’s always drinking I would look closer at it. It’s probably not her drinking but her behaviour that comes from her drinking that they don’t like. I think it would be best to address this with your ex so he understands how the kids are feeling. The kids and your ex must have a good relationship to continue visits not being his child biologically so I’m sure he would take their feelings into account. He might have a whinge at first but at the end of the day you all want what’s best for the kids.
I’m just gonna say this. To all of you saying it’s not his “obligation” any more since they aren’t together, maybe he doesn’t want to further devastate the kids by completely exiting their lives. My ex did that and just walked away. It was so hard on my kids. Yes they loved him and they had a great relationship with him. If he had wanted to stay in their lives I would have allowed it. That was a special relationship to them and they haven’t heard a word from his sorry ass since.
I think it’s great that the ex still sees them. It’s not so cut and dry.
I do think the gf having a drink at dinner isn’t a big deal. If she’s sloppy and loud and abusive that’s another thing.
Are the children uncomfortable because you’re uncomfortable?? Let’s start there!
Tell him and don’t let the kids go there if she’s going to be around. If he doesn’t like it, tough shit. The kids and their safety and mental health comes first, it also comes second, third, and fourth etc.
Everyone keeps saying the kids are “uncomfortable” with her drinking in front of them but nowhere in this does it say they are. It just says they don’t like her and don’t like her drinking. Why don’t these kids like her? Does she act different/bad when she does drink? Or could be the fact they just don’t like ANYTHING about this new girlfriend at all so anything she does do they don’t/aren’t gonna like and the mom is making it about one thing… definitely need more specifics before anybody can give helpful advice!
Is it just a drink with dinner or is she getting smashed in front of them? How old are the kids? You may have stated that so sorry if you did.
I feel if someone is over 21 they should be able to drink if they want to. I personally drink but I do not drink when my kids (17 & 14) have friends over and I don’t know their parents well or if they drink. I do it out of respect as I’d appreciate it in return.