Remember that she only knows what he has told her about you. But I agree with you. Discuss this with your ex and tell him that you would like your children to spend time with both their father and his girlfriend, but you will need to meet her first. Period. Let her know you don’t expect to have a close relationship with her but would like your children to have that if she wants it and that requires you to at least meet her.
How long have they been seeing each other?
No you’re not wrong at all! It is extremely weird, rude and completely disrespectful! Anyone who says otherwise has some issues in my opinion.
No you’re not wrong, you have the right just as he does to know the person that is spending time with your children and it absolutely should be respected by everyone involved.
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What has he said about you?
My ex refused and still refuses to meet my boyfriend. We offered when we started dating 4 years ago and multiple times after. He told me to give up because it was never going to happen. I’ve since had 2 kids with my boyfriend and he lives with me.
It was in our custody agreement about background checks before cohabitation. I wanted him to meet whoever was spending time with our daughter, that wasn’t how he chose to see it.
However unless it’s on the custody agreement you can’t force anyone to meet anyone.
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I would def want to meet her if she is expected to care for the children, like any other care taker. I wouldn’t really care about their relationship. But I’d like to know who is taking responsibility for my children when I’m not there.
That goes along with side sitters he might get. I think that’s just a part of coparenting that isn’t that big of a deal.
It would be the same whether I trusted him or not.
Also, I def thin both parties should have discernment when they are bringing romantic partners around the kids. Not for them, but respect for the children and who should have access to them. 
This sounds stressful for you. Hope it works out.
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I would need to know facts about someone being around my kids.
When your in a relationship and kids are involved part of the package is the ex.
If the ex is just dating away from kids then not my business. I can respect that.
If the dating is with my kids it is my business.
It can be easy it can be hard depends on people.
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My daughters father won’t let me speak to his gf. She moved in also. If things were bad between you 2 they don’t want you meeting their new gf because they can’t have the new gf knowing the lies they told about you aren’t true.
This 100% why I took sole custody of my kid.
If I don’t like the situation he’s not going to be a part of it! It’s a good thing I did!
He’s a teen now no regrets.
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Adults put aside any differences for the children. If the girlfriend is a constant person in the childrens lives, then the mother she at least meet her once.
Hun it’s not required for you to meet her. If kids like her, all that matters.
I dunno, I honestly, if my husband and I were to divorce, I would trust him enough to have a partner that would be good to my kids. I don’t think I’d be tripping. I’d want him to meet anyone I am with, only because I trust his judgement 100%. So, with that being said, is your ex of good character? Or is this just one of those “things”?
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She isn’t required to meet you and I believe you should trust your ex’s judgment on who he has around your guys kids.
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That’s weird…. No I don’t think you’re wrong. I’d want to meet her if I were you. I’d talk to the kids father about your concerns. Hopefully he will tell her she needs to meet you. But if not, I’m not sure if there’s really much you can do about it. Maybe at a drop off you could set up the meeting or something? I don’t see why she wouldn’t want to meet. That’s weird to me.
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I think we all hope to work things out where “blended families” meet and do holidays but unfortunately not everyone wants that. I’d back off and give her time. Unless you don’t trust him. Then that’s a whole different conversation. If he’s a good dad I really would trust his judgment and hope in the future she changes her mind.
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i completely understand your side of this with wanting to know who’s around your child but let me tell you from experience dad has just as much say and there’s nothin you can do about it. unfortunately your gonna have to trust that dad is going to make the right choice and this person will be another role model for the children.
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I don’t think you are wrong. People are going to have different opinions and some people will get the wrong idea because of whatever ideation floating around in their heads. That’s not your problem or responsibility. It is completely reasonable to want to meet someone that will be spending time with your kids. That is NOT at all you saying you can make the decisions about who is around your kids so don’t let anyone make you think it is. He can have whoever he wants around the kids just as you are. However, I would completely understand wanting to know who they are. The girlfriend sounds immature to me.
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This is so sad why cannot two women sit down talk meet each other face-to-face I feel the same way. I don’t think I could let my child go around someone I don’t know.
I mean this is the nicest way possible but once you are separated it is not your business who the kids are around during his time. A judge will tell you just that.
It’s a really hard concept for a lot of people and at 1 point it was for myself as well.
It is his responsibility to ensure your kids are safe, provided for, and happy during his time.
As much as it sucks, you need to teach yourself how to let go of some of the control.
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You are not at all wrong.
I have an agreement with my ex. Our kid does not meet the new bf/gf until we do.
You’re not introducing a friend this is someone who will potentially be spending a lot of time with your child/ children.
Tell your ex she can’t be around your kids until you meet her.
You don’t have to like her or be friends with her but you do have to make sure she will be good to your kids and be a good influence.
If she’s not willing to do that out of respect then that’s a big red flag and shows emotional immaturity.
Your kids safety and well being is more important than any drama it may cause.
My ex did this to me he got with someone
Then after 2, wks introduced my daughter who was then 6 then after 2 months moved her in and they refused for me to meet her I was ragging
But we both don’t get on but do get on when the kids are about she is a good step mum and clearly cares and loves her there married now as it’s been a few yrs & they have a kid together who’s almost 2 but been together for around 4/5yrs
Married for a yr in june there
But when I got with my partner they wanted to meet him I says nope for a while then they met him
As why should I played them at there own game
So yes I know how you feel xx
I’d want to meet her too. It’s a sick world we live in unfortunately and there’s too many sad stories about kids and their step parents/parents gf/bf. I understand where you’re coming from completely.
Nope! He needs to arrange a meeting with all parties involved including the kids. How else can proper co parenting take place if everyone isn’t on the same page and feeling comfortable being able to communicate with each other.
I say reach out to her directly and ask her to meet for coffee.
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I stand with you. I want my kids dad to know my person but he says he doesn’t care and doesn’t want to know anything about him. He has changed a little and now will be around him if need be but that’s it and it’s not for a period of time. I’m the same way as you though. I want to the person around my kids. I want her to know everything about my kids she needs to know and to where she is comfortable calling if something goes wrong and their dad is at work.
He’s probably said terrible things about you. Well, mine was that way but you know him more than any of us. Or it’s all her. I hope things work out and you can all be one big happy co-parenting bunch for your honeys sake
Personally, I’m on the side of the kids.
If their relationship isn’t serious enough to meet you then she shouldn’t be meeting the kids
I would think being amicable and introducing her to you would be the kind approach. I would want to know who was watching my kids when I wasn’t around - doesn’t mean I want to micromanage their relationship.
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Just show up when you know she’s at his 
she would have bo choice but to meet me
I wouldn’t be worried about meeting her until they’re engaged and planning a life together. No sense in meeting his others unless it’s serious.
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To me it’s still trying to have control
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as a mother & ex wife I totally get it. as a mom who’s been through a divorce where he IMMEDIATELY moved someone into our marital home, while we were still married & didn’t tell me, I get it. legally, judges dgaf. you can plead your case but it boils down to they’re going to say you’re interfering with his life & what he does with his kids doesn’t matter to you. it’s a do what you want on your own time thing.
Not over thinking it - that’s a HUGE red flag and one the dad should be noticing.
This is a hard one as I’ve met my partners ex and we have even been out a few times all together with the kids but my ex hasn’t met my partner and tbh I don’t think they ever will lol and I wouldn’t know if he’s dating or not as it’s not my business but he only has them for 2hrs but I’d want to know if there was someone around them not sure if I’d want to meet her tho but everyone is different maybe see about a family day out see if they are up for that less
Formal then x
Trust him to keep your kids safe.she cares about him and the kids are an extension of him.you are not.
Definitely over stepping. There is nothing that actually requires this and legally nothing you can do about it unless she’s truly a danger to the kids. Ideally you would both be able to be civil and introduce eachother to significant others by choice…it can’t be forced.
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Girl my ex husband has been remarried for a few years and I still haven’t met the wife. Nothing you can do but trust in god to keep your babies safe.
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My ex’s ex wife insisted on meeting with me prior to honoring the visitation agreement.
Like … straight up refused.
I wasn’t happy about it, but I obliged.
Idk. Whatever’s best for the kids … I think it’s appropriate to want tonknow the person/people your kids will be sharing a roof with .
And - this is the point for me - I don’t understand why anyone would refuse.
It smacks of ego and immaturity to me.
OP may have to bite the bullet on this one, but I don’t disagree with her.
You deserve to know who is in your children’s lives
U expect to much!! If u can’t trust him to make a good choice of a human to have around ur kids maybe u should be worrying about that and not a stranger. Also idk how old your kids are but teach them right from wrong how adults should treat children and trust u are teaching them well. Less about the chick more about the kids!!
It would probably depends on how long they’ve been together or if they’re flings.
If they’re serious I’d have to trust the dads judgement on this one?
Candace Jade thoughts lol. From the other side haha
Your ex needs to handle this, and he needs to demand it. Parents have the right to meet the adults their kids spend time with, including their kids’ friends’ parents, coaches, and their ex’s new partners.
If she refuses, she cannot be part of this deal. When you date someone with kids, you accept everyone - including the other parent - in the package. You need to draw a line here and your ex must do the same.
It’s all in the court order! If you have certain expectations, get it in the custody agreement, otherwise, nothing you can do unless you can prove she’s a danger or abusive to your kids. Personally, I don’t see what a meeting is going to show you anyway, other than exactly what she wants you to see. You won’t have any way of knowing if it’s the real her or not. Accomplishes nothing.
She owes you nothing, she doesn’t have to meet you. It’s says more about you, that you have this need to try to control your ex and the situation.
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Nope not at all! I agree red flags. If she is going to be apart of your children’s lives you should know who she is and about her as a person period! However it could be she’s not serious about the relationship but if that’s the case the kids shouldn’t be around her yet anyway.
If you don’t trust him to make decisions for his children that don’t involve you, then you need q different court order, she is not obligated to meet you or vice versa, he is obligated to make good choices for HIS children just as you are.
It took a funeral on my ex husband’s side of the family before I could meet his girlfriend. Tho my son was older so I could ask what type of person she was and if she’s nice to him. I still really haven’t gotten to talk to her otherwise. She refuses to be around with exchanges. I was worried at first because my ex does not have the best role model friends.
Maybe its because you are attempting to be controlling and judgemental yet again. The life of your children when with the other parent and whomever is in their life is not your concern. As is your own life none of the ex’s business. Believe in your children’s care and happiness when with them, and provide love, guidance, and care for them during your time. Stop using your children as spys or messangers to satisfy your own intent of dismay. Your kids will thank you later if you let them be in the ex’s time with them.
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Yes and no about you being wrong some people don’t want to meet are know the ex
First, the new girlfriend is not expected to take care of the children. That is their father’s job. You can’t control who the father chooses to date and you can’t manage your ex anymore. Your children can talk but don’t badger them either. Go enjoy your breaks.
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If she doesn’t want to meet you it is a huge red flag !
No you are not overreacting. If she is constantly around and not just a fling. You have legal right to meet her. But if they are not serious he should not be bringing her around your kids because they will get attached to her. Not fair to them. But definitely meet her
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Biggest question: what kind of father is he?
If he is a good father, then you should trust his judgement on who he has around his children. They’re as much his children as they are yours and if there is nothing within your custody agreement pertaining to you meeting her, then you can’t force it.
Now if he is a questionable father, you have much more to worry about than meeting her.
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It’s got litterly NOTHING to do with you. You can’t dictate anything while it’s his time. If she doesn’t want to meet you she doesn’t have too 
.
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There was s nothing you can do about that except let the father know she can’t be around your kids . Whether he listens is a different story
Honestly…. Let it go. You wouldn’t be tripping if it was a male friend of your ex.
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Yes. You are expected to allow her around your kids. Just like people at the grocery store, the library, and literally everywhere else you go. Stop taking it personal. The more you push, the further you push that person away. The more you look and sound like the person he describes you to be. So long as she doesn’t physically harm your child, they are fine. She is yet another person that they will experience in their life. Relax. Calm down. Take a breath. And simply hope that she will be a kind experience. How you frame their influence is how your child will take intake their influence.
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As a stepmom I didn’t go up to my husband’s bm and introduced myself because I didn’t want to. We do communicate in regards to my husband’s son but that’s it. She found out he was in a relationship and even tried to break us up… So I have nothing to say too her unless it’s about her son.
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I don’t think you’re wrong. Those are your children. Your ex should respect that.
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Unfortunately this is what happens when you choose to split from the person you had kids with. He gets to choose who is around his kids and they do not have to meet you. If you choose to introduce him to your boyfriend that is your business but you definitely can’t make him. He is just as much a parent as you and has the right to choose who is around his kids
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My children’s father knows me so trust me he wouldn’t let no crazy’s hurt my child! But she can refuse all she wants she isn’t obligated to meet you…
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Lol just no. She doesn’t have to meet you, he is the other parent and what goes on in his house is none of your business
I met my sons father’s (ex wife now) like 2 times. They were married for 5 years and they both never saw my son. Which is a shame (all her doing) but just run a background check…. I’m sure she has social media… there’s ways to snoop without actually meeting her, have you asked why she doesn’t want to meet? Maybe it’s just too soon……
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If we ain’t meeting u won’t be around my children. Father can see the kids when girlfriend isn’t around.
I personally feel like if she wants to be around a child u share with him, she should at least stand up as a woman and introduce herself to u. When my husband (now) and I started dating, I met the mother of his kids, and respectfully I’ll call her that, not just “his ex”, cuz she’s the mother of his children, and no we don’t always talk, but there’s no issues either. I felt like the best way for her to have any kind of trust, is to meet me and see who I am. I have children older than theirs so I know what I’m doing parenting wise, but it comes down to maturity. She should definitely come around and introduce herself, even if u never speak again, just to show respect for u. Too many people these days are bitter over the ex developing a new relationship and moving on, it’s sad. It’s life, can’t expect someone to be single forever but at the same time, it’s about the child(ren) and what’s best for them. She should come to u as a grown woman and meet u. Now if she’s unfit for whatever reason, not just cuz u don’t like her, but legit “unfit”, then that’s another story, but no matter what, both parents need to do what’s best for the children involved.
you are wrong. if he trusts her to be around them then that is all that you need to know.
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I personally wouldn’t care…Its his girlfriend he’s the dad I can trust he knows what he’s doing and he protect the kids at all costs
I see it as she wants to see who is around her child I get that because I was a young mom and this happened to me I wanted to meet the girl who would be around my child and that was only because my son was out into situations by his father. So I was making sure my sons safety first. Once I met her I was okay and I left it alone…and we all got along. Making sure your children are okay is one thing yes. But yall don’t know the others back ground.
I don’t think she’s really obligated to meet you. It’s his job to make sure she’s good toward the kids, but divorce means he doesn’t need your approval- unless it’s written otherwise- to bring anyone around the kids. She has a commitment to him, not to you or your kids since they aren’t married. If you want to pick who is around your kids you gotta stay married
I don’t think it’s unreasonable to want to meet someone who is going to be spending time with my kids
Well, it may not be the situation that you hoped for, but you really have no recourse. By law she does not have to meet you and you can’t control what he does with your kids when they’re with their dad, including who is around them. Unfortunately, this is divorce.
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If she’s too intimated to meet you maybe you can ask to speak to her on the phone? I understand wanting a peace of mind of who your kids are around, but at the end of the day it’s her choice if she wants to meet you. I think your kids will tell you what kind of person she is (if they spend time with her).
Oh trust me she knows all about you…but only your ex’s side of things
Had the same issue with my oldest’s now stepmom, all she heard was his side and not the fact that he was a absentee deadbeat for the first half of her life
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you are not required to have a relationship with her. if you trust your ex. and trust his decision making why do you need/want to meet her. i learned this the hard way trust me!!!
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So not sure how your relationship has been with their father but is it possible that he is telling her that you don’t want to meet her? From experience sometimes it’s not the new girlfriend that’s the problem. I was told that my ex’s 1 baby momma before me hated me (we are great friends now) and right after we broke up he started dating a new lady. She refused to meet me for the first year because she was " not ready " per my ex. Even though he had met my boyfriend and we had deal about new people. We still don’t talk but she has a great relationship with my daughter. I still don’t know her but hope to someday get to know her. You just have to get used to the idea of there being someone else in your kids life.
As someone with experience being being divorced this conversation was absolutely something my ex and I communicated a lot about. Granted, we have a really strong relationship and respect eachothers opinions about this, but you as the mother have every right to meet the person that will be around your children when u aren’t present. This was a non negotiable for either him or I. If it’s a fling, or very new and the kids aren’t around when she is that is one’s thing. But if she is someone that is going to be around then , then i would absolutely have an honest and calm conversation with your ex husband about this and tell him exactly how you feel. If he has a problem with it that is a huge issue in my opinion. If she’s good enough to be around your children, then there should be no issue. Ask him what the problem is with you meeting her? If there he cannot give you a reason then firmly tell him that until you meet this woman you aren’t comfortable with your children around him when he’s with her. Go to court if need be, no one in their right mind would find this acceptable unless there is a reason that is not being discussed and that is putting your children at risk. Sorry that you’re going through this, this part of divorce is always hard, I’m luck to have an incredible relationship with my ex’s girlfriend and she loves my daughter. I trust her like she is her mother when I am not around and you deserve to have that piece of mind as well. Good luck mama
Not overreacting at all. You have the right to know the people around YOUR children.
wouldn’t fly over here. you don’t get to be around my kids if i don’t meet you. i meet all teachers & coaches, dad’s females aren’t exempt. it’s part of my court order. i have to meet anybody first & have background completed on them. he got the same courtesy of being introduced to my current. 
I won’t allow my ex’s new gf around my son. My ex has agreed that she won’t be allowed around our son, until I get to know who she is. As of now, he has 0 rights to our son, so what I say goes.
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No you are not wrong, if she doesn’t want to meet you then she probably knows you (you know her from the past or something like that) HE should be okay and supportive of you and her meeting SINCE you and him have kids that will be around her. His girlfriend is your business if she will be around your kids and visa vera goes for you and someone you’re consistently seeing/dating that will be around your kids.
100% a red flag. My ex husband got with a woman shortly after we separated which was not an issue because he and I got along well…at the time… fast forward to now 7 years later…he never let me meet her. Not even once. He began pulling out of my daughters life slowly until he sent me signed paperwork to terminate his rights in December. My now husband has adopted her. In my opinion this would never have happened if it weren’t for that woman … who again I was NEVER allowed to meet and still to this day do not know why.
I mean if you’re sketched out by her you can always do a background check. But I guess the main question is do you trust their dad to pick a good partner that wants the best for the children or do you think he would get with a maniac? If you trust him try to let it go in good faith that he picked someone decent. She might be trying to avoid drama in fear that it’ll start if you meet. She might already know that their relationship is temporary and doesn’t want to go as far as meeting you. Who knows. Ask the kids how they feel about her if she’s really around them
In all honesty this would bother me too. But technically it his parenting time and it’s up to him. We can’t legally deny his parenting time so it’s not the mothers business when it’s his time. You can’t possibly meet everyone that your ex is around. If there is a rise for concern like your child comes back with unexplained bruises or hasn’t eaten and is overly unreasonably dirty you file a complaint with children services to have it investigated but you cannot deny him his time unless the courts puts measures in place for that.
Yeah no. That’s a hard no for me. If they have problems meeting you then they don’t need to meet the kids.
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He’s allowed to take y’all’s children around whomever he wants. You can’t control every interaction they have. If they were getting married I could understand, but Im also a stepmom and can also see her not wanting to meet you because sometimes… Shit gets messy between mom and dad.
My husband’s ex wanted to meet me but was also was sending my husband inappropriate messages and had no respect for our relationship. She also used the kids as manipulation devices.
Hell no. My kids dad is a great father and I 100% trust his judgement however he KNOWS I deserve the respect as his kids mother and would have a girl meet me way before meeting our children. I trust him to stand up for our kids and protect them. I wouldn’t meet someone and be like no sorry not her… but I’d like to know them : ( I guess not everybody realizes how much potential danger your kids could be in simply for the girl friend not liking you… So no you are not wrong. You are demanding respect as a mother and I love that
If she is a new girlfriend I wouldn’t worry, however if she is someone that will spend a lot of time with the kids, I would definitely have an issue with it. Why refuse to meet you? Talk to the dad and tell him it’s important for the kids everyone gets along and is on the same page, and if the girlfriend doesn’t wanna participate in the kids best interest, then she shouldn’t be allowed near them as she clearly has issues she needs to resolve herself rather than bring them around the kids.
You are wrong. No need to meet her. Maybe have each other’s numbers so when the kids are there, there is an open line of communication. She doesn’t have to be your friend to be a good person and help with the kids. Let the father have his time and live his life.
Unfortunately you’re not likely to “know her” much at all. People can lie and show you a side of them they want you to believe just to act differently when you’re not around. I believe you have a right to meet her but again not likely to KNOW her. You’re not magically gonna be friends or have some great co parent relationship. That’s just the reality of it.
its nice to get along and be able to talk about the kids but that happens naturally in healthy circumstances. There’s no need to meet you and no its not your right, your ex decides who he wants around his kids in his care
And if you decide you don’t like her then what? You get to decide who he dates because you have children together? Same as in school you won’t know the teacher so if you don’t like the teacher does your children not go to school?
If there is no valid reason why your children can’t be around this lady sadly there is nothing you can do about it. As long as he is being a good father and she has done your kids no harm well then it’s her choice whether or not she wants to meet u? It doesn’t make her a bad individual or a threat!!
As long as kids are getting loved and supported by both parents that’s all that really matters! There’s many a kid growing up with absent fathers and mothers!
It’s not worth it. You don’t have a say with who he has around your children on his time unless they are a danger. She’s petty…there’s not much you can do about it.
If your papers say y’all have to meet then show that. If not there’s nothing you can do.
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Hmmm I’d definitely be questioning why. It’s not like y’all have to be best buddies but I be danged if my kids are around somebody I don’t know. Idc if she is the new GF. Something just doesn’t add up
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Leave that lady alone. She doesn’t NEED to meet you
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There are plenty of people that have added this to their court order regarding their children. I’ve even seen the NCP (non custodial parent) not be allowed to introduce anyone if they weren’t engaged to be married.
She’s definitely immature and hopefully doesn’t get promoted to step mom.
You are not overreacting. I’d want to meet someone before they met my kids too.
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That’s weird af… why wouldn’t she wanna meet you but still be around your children… I mean it’s a given understanding that meeting the other parents of a man or women with children is the standard norm…
If she really love him and his kids she would want to meet you. Even if she hasn’t met them yet if she loved him she would be trying to make things easy.
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While it IS in the best interest of the children for you to meet her (and i agree with you also btw) unfortunately you don’t get a say who he brings around them on his time. Unless its specifically written in a custody agreement. He is their parent as much as you. If you trust him with your children for visitation you obviously trust his judgment
Even if you took it to court a judge will tell you, you have zero rights to anything regarding them on his time with them.
Youll just have to wait til they decide its time to meet you unfortunately.
You don’t get to control ANYTHING regarding his visitation with them.
Sorry mama.
Youll have to wait this one out.