I would hate that disrespect, but you can’t really control it otherwise either. My split from my ex was absolute hell, but I’m now recognizing we were really lucky being in agreement that no partners came around the kids until they met each of us too.
I wouldn’t have him allowing her around the kids until
The adults can chat. It’s not that deep meaning she should
Not have a problem meeting their mother.
I wouldn’t let anyone around my kids that I’ve never met . As someone who was abused as a child by a WOMAN fk all that . . Red flag 
It goes both ways. My bf ex and I don’t really know each other or talk that much. But because I am their step mom, and what not, we do talk lil bit about the kids and what not. Like it should be, if my bf isn’t around at the moment. Same as my bf and my ex. They don’t talk to each other however. Everyone is looking out for what there inspection is when it comes to kids. I don’t think you’re wrong. If kids are involved then I can see why you want to meet her. I don’t want the mom to feel as I’m a bad step mom, or whatever it maybe. I think I am a great mom to them and to my own kids.
This is a tricky situation. Check your custody agreement and see if that’s part of it. If so, you can file a grievance with the court for him breaking the order. If not, then you don’t have any legal rights to refuse visitation. You have every moral right to be upset and you can go to the court to ask for a change in the order but at this point it will be difficult to not seem petty to a judge since you didn’t ask for that when the parenting plan was established. If you don’t have a parenting plan filed with the courts, go get one and ask for the right to meet any partner of your child’s other parent that will be a regular part of your child’s life. Good luck!
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If it’s serious and coparenting needs to take place between all parties, then yes your ex should actually want that. However I’d see where it goes, and go from there. If you are legitamately concerned then call a lawyer and find out your legal options in your state, as most of us are not lawyers. If there’s no real cause for concern, just let the relationship form semi naturally. If he’s a good dad there will be lots of places you will see her. School functions, birthday parties, holidays, school field trips ect. Trust your child’s father wouldn’t put them in danger knowingly at least.
My ex always brought his newest gf to pick up on the same day she’s meeting his family
I did introduce my current spouse to my ex, but after my child met him at a controlled family party (Super Bowl) so lots of my family to buffer kid and the intro). And kid was there with others that loved her, so if it went poorly, my kid had people to care for her - but she was there first and he entered her domain
You need to have a healthy relationship with the new person in your children’s lives.i think its unfare 2wrds you as a mom not to meet her.wat iff something happens while your kids are with the new gf.any thing is possible. Your kids can get sick nd then she’s not able to help them.the dad myb late picking them up from your house now a stranger to you mst pick them up.parents must always concider whts right 4 the kids not 4 them.thrs a reason y u dd split up.so leave the drama out of your kids lives.jst makes life easier 4 all parties involved
I’d be a little sketched out because of who both my exes have been with in the past I mean everyone has a “type.” 
but every situation is different. If your ex is a good guy and has good taste in partners then I don’t think it’d be as bad than if someone had bad relationships/partners in the past. Are your children old enough to talk to you about it yet? I’d def want to know if they were comfortable with this new SO. my exes GF was mean to my kids and I never met her, better believe I introduced myself into that relationship.
I understand the overthink. But It’s up to Dad to make good choices when kids are in his care. Maybe shes not that serious so why meet you, maybe in time she will:woman_shrugging:t3:
she’s really not even responcible for them right she’s just the gf. Just have to trust him. She very well might find it intimating
I’m sorry, but no. If I don’t know you, you don’t know my child. My ex-husband actually married someone he met online from another country after only talking to her for a year and only meeting her once. When they came to visit this past December there was absolutely no misunderstanding that I would meet her first before she came anywhere near my child.
When the kids are with him, you have to trust that he has vetted anyone he is bringing around them. At one time, you trusted him enough to have children with him… you have to trust his judgement on his own parenting time.
Just as he should for you as well.
I think you’re more curious and nosy about who this other woman is.
Ask the kids about how she treats them.
As long as she treats your kids well, it’s really none of your business.
As much as you want to “meet” her, it’s totally unnecessary.
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What if you dont like her? You cant refuse him visitation on that ground.
Dont cross question your children. You will know by their actions if they had a good time.
Making an enemy of her can be the biggest mistake of your life. I lost my daughter at 14 because the stepmom was soooo cool Nobody will ever take your place.
Take the time off to fill your own cup. Your kids need you relaxed.
Fretting and panicking will have a knock on effect on your kids. Rest. Catch up on sleep. If you feel like you are going crazy get your head stuck into a series.
ßtand back and look at the big picture. I k ow its hard and if they like her it stings like a bitch. You have to think of their emotional wellness - which is 100% liinked to yours.
Strongs!!! Life is so unfair and so hard. Im sending you hugs
Maybe be the bigger person and send her a note just explaining that you don’t know each other and you get that she’s with your ex husband, that you mean no harm, you just want to have a comfort level with one another. Might work as a “woman to woman” thing.
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The worlds A Crazy & Scary Place. I Don’t Think You’re Wrong Or Overthinking.
Unless it’s in your divorce/custody papers that before introducing their partner to the children, they have to introduce you to their partner first, there really isn’t anything you can do. It would be the same as if you had made a new friend and were taking your kids over to your friend’s house to hang out without his okay. You don’t get to dictate that even if you want to.
Like seriously people its just to meet and know who’s around the kids. It’s not to be friends!! SMH
Like I would let Kevin meet Jason but he don’t wanna and I don’t wanna meet his girl we have enough respect to trust each other and if kids say something than thier be a problem otherwise like stop being nosey iny opinion have trust he’s with someone good for his kids.
You are not entitled to “vet” the new girlfriend.
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Alsoooo, just because you have a set of expectations does NOT mean anybody else, even your child’s father, is expected to have the same expectations.
If he is capable of parenting he is capable of allowing whoever he pleases around the child just like you are.
I’d approach the meet and greet later on, maybe even a year or two, after they’ve been together. Stop being an anal Nancy obsessing over things and stressing yourself out.
As long as the child is taken care of and happy THATS ALL THAT MATTERS.
Seems like she lacks maturity
I think your children’s father is feeding you a line because he does not want you talking to her.
Honestly, the girlfriend/boyfriend isn’t obligated to meet the ex. They don’t have to be friends or friendly. As long as they know the boundaries with your kids and treat them appropriately, there isn’t anything you can do about it.
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She isn’t obligated to meet you
(Although it would be nice)
She may just not ready to meet you especially if this is a new relationship
I wouldn’t stress about it
I don’t understand why it’s a big deal? Why not meet the mother if your partners kids??? I Unless she’s just not that into him yet.
Trust me, unless it’s in the parenting plan that y’all meet new significant others prior to them being around the kids… there is absolutely nothing you can do about it unless the person is a danger to your children… which you don’t know because you haven’t been around her to see how she is around your children. I get how you’re feeling though, which is why it is in my parenting plans that I meet any significant others prior to them being around my children. But without that in your parenting plan, you can’t do anything about it unfortunately.
I thing if you can get along it would way better for the children you don’t have to be best friends, friendly for the children’s sake. She does not know you so why would she not like you I hope she can get over herself for the kids sake.
Yes to both questions.
You are more than welcome to have your standards and expectations for yourself. However, in this situation you don’t get to project that on to a stranger, that has made it abundantly clear that they don’t want to meet you.
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She doesn’t owe anything to you 
I wouldn’t send them then
His gf is not your business. If you can trust him to make good decisions with y’alls children then you can trust this choice too. After all, you were once one of his good choices.
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She doesn’t need to meet you, but it should happen so you know who is around your children.
He shouldn’t be bringing a brand new girlfriend around the kids in the first place. That isn’t fair to the kids.
Unfortunately, unless it’s in the custody order, if there is one, there’s not much you can do. I totally get where you’re coming from, though. I’d want to meet her too, but my kids’ dad would be telling his new woman that I’m this and that and blah, blah, blah. Hopefully she wants to meet you sometime. Until then, I’d just try to be as civil as possible.
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She doesn’t have to meet you, and there’s not much that you can do about it except trust that your kids dad wouldn’t let someone bad around your kids.
I went to the court and requested a background check. They made her go and fill out a form.
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Are you sure it’s her and not him? I had this issue and it wasn’t her. I agree with meeting them before they meet the kids because you just can’t trust anyone these days.
From a counselling perspective,
What are you hoping to gain from meeting her?
Are there any topics you have/must discuss with her?
If you don’t like her will that change your thoughts on having her around you’re children?
What discussions have taken place with your co-parent in regards to this?
Happy for you to PM if you like 
There’s no way in hell I’d let a new girlfriend be around my kids if she wouldn’t meet me. You’re not over reacting.
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He is the children’s father and just as capable as you are of assessing who should be around his children. I mean at one time you trusted this man enough to have not one, but two children with him……
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Sounds like you have some unresolved feelings for him. You are trying to control this man by using power you no longer have over him. It would be nice to meet her. But, he (they) don’t have to comply with your timeline. If your child can talk… make sure he/she knows to report to you any mistreatment. Otherwise, back off. It may not even be that serious.
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As long as your children aren’t coming home and complaining she is abusing them in any way then let her be. You’ll be the first to know when something is wrong.
As a mom , I understand your situation but the true is that she doesn’t have to meet you if she doesn’t want to or if she is not ready,
Do not rush or put to much pressure on in , you are not going to meet every single person who is around your kids .
Just ask your kids about her ( how she treats them ) and go from there
In our divorce , we both agreed no one was allowed to meet our children until 6 months of dating and they were introduced to the EX first. I trust who he brings around the kids, but I wouldn’t want every girl he started seeing introduced right away.
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Lmfao all the ones saying you don’t have the right are the same ones who’d be losing their shit if this same situation happened to them 
I’ll be damned if someone is going to be around MY CHILD without me knowing who they are. 
Whew Chile idk because I’m very particular who around my kids and the fact she don’t want to meet me is a problem!! However it’s really nothing you can do but trust that the child’s father is smart enough to pick a good woman but more importantly that he wouldn’t be introducing his kids to just a girlfriend.
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Excuse me, but forget anyone saying you don’t have to meet her. You absolutely do. It’s within the children’s best interest to have prior knowledge of all adults around your children. Women can be abusive too. I wouldn’t allow my children to be around a stranger and if it’s so serious with him and the new girl, he would be willing to allow a meet.
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I would want to meet her too to make sure she’s not a trashy nut job hangin with my kids. Your ex needs to step up and tell her something. She’s being childish not to want to meet . Maybe insecure or thinks you may be bitter ?? Idk good luck 
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She doesn’t have to know nothing about you or meet you. As long ss she treats your kids right and its on the dads time then that what matters.
When you decide you and the dad are no longer together, you loose the right to control of part of your child’s life. Like it or not. That’s what happens. You don’t get to control him anymore, you don’t get to choose what he does, WHO he does, and what goes on when your kids are with him. You don’t. As soon as he says something about what you’re doing with him I’m sure you’re defense is that “you don’t get to control what I do on my time” .
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I dealt with the same thing. They broke up a few years before him and I met and started dating. 4 years after we got married, she found him, he cheated on me and went back with her. She cheated on him again, emptied his bank account and called him from jail crying to bail her out. karma sucks
Nope. You are in the right. She doesn’t want to meet you, she doesn’t meet the kids.
Nope, no way, too bad for her
Pick your battles; this is a losing one. She has no obligation to meet you if she doesn’t want to. He has just as much of a right to allow people around the kids as you do; even if you don’t like it. As long as she isn’t harming your kids, what’s it really matter?
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She may be scared of confrontation. How old are your children
I’m sure hes got decent judgment. Yes, I think you’re wrong.
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IMO just because that’s how you want things done doesn’t mean that how they will be done. I get it, as a mom no one takes care of our kids like we do BUT we also have to trust (unless you have reason not to) that our ex’s wouldn’t let people around your kids they shouldn’t…
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If she doesn’t want to meet you she really doesn’t have to. It’s your children and your exes children. As long as your kids are safe around her there’s really nothing to worry about.
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Unfortunately this is a situation u are going to have to just deal with. When the kids r with their father, he has say over who he let’s into their lives, you do not. This was something I struggled with at first too because it is always scary having people you don’t know, around ur kids. If you are uncomfortable to the point where you don’t think ur child is safe then u have every right to keep that child home with you, and dad can take u to court about it in which case he will have to prove there is no safety concerns for that child. However, I suggest taking a deep breath, recognizing that this is something you cannot control, and focus on who U invite into ur children’s lives, not who dad invites into their lives. (P.s. give her a little bit of a break, mommas r intimidating to say the least for new girlfriends. If she wants to be involved in their lives and dad is ok with that, then just be grateful for her for ur kids/kid.) My ex has been with his girlfriend for over a year now and we have yet to actually speak to one another, let alone a face to face…HOWEVER, my 3 kids love her, she treats them good and she loves them like her own…and I am so grateful for her for their little lives. Just being a little more open to the idea might make things much easier for you.
Unfortunately it’s not a right. You don’t get to meet her if they don’t want you to.
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I would try and have a talk with whoever arranged your custody and child support agreement and see if they can help.
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She doesn’t have to meet you. If you kids father allows her to be around then that’s up to him. You have no say in the matter. Just because you their mother doesn’t mean you call the shots
Nope. Until she agrees to meet you, don’t let her spend time with your kids. It’s not about you, it’s about the future. She doesn’t want to meet you? What if this is a long term relationship? How’s that going to work??
If she’s serious about being his girlfriend, then that means she should be serious about maybe one day being your son’s step mother, and if she’s not willing to meet you, that suggests she won’t be willing to co-parent, and if she’s not that means she’d probably undermine you whenever she gets the chance.
Nope.
I was on the reverse of that. Was a terrible time and I never understood it.
NAAAAHHHHHH SIS. The father better be having some serious talk with her if he wants to see his kids. Who would want their kids living with someone they have t met?! NOPE. As a matter of fact, this shouldn’t even go past the father….he should be letting her know from the jump, no, something is weird here.
She doesn’t have to. Might be too soon and awkward. It’s the dad’s responsibility to make sure she is a safe person to be around them
Not wrong or overthinking! It seems suspicious that she doesn’t want to meet you.
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I think it’s red flags. Sounds like you and the ex are trying to co-parent. If she’s resisting that, it’s gonna be a long term issue, if she’s gonna be around long term.
You are absolutely correct. Big red flags for this chick. Tell dad grow balls n tell his gf she has to meet you or she’s out. Simple as that. I’m divorced to. Dad came to pick up kids dad didn’t want me to meet her. I walked to car opened up her door introduced myself shook her hand n we exchanged numbers.
You’re overthinking. You can’t control everything in their fathers space there will be many people in their lives he may not know as much as there will be those you don’t know. It’s not your place to veto partners because you have children together if you have concerns there are avenues you can follow up otherwise it’s none of your business
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She doesn’t have to. And it’s not you “letting” them around her. Dad does not need your permission.
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If she wasn’t ready to meet the kids yet, I’d totally get it. Not meeting you and being with them!? Nah. She wants your out of their life IMO.
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It’s not legally required, unfortunately, but she could just be really intimidated by you and/ or your eagerness to meet. Just discuss with your ex how passionately you feel regarding him allowing anyone around who may mistreat the kids and try to reach an understanding that, any red flags either of you brings around the kids needs to be kept separate from the kids, because the kids’ well-being is top priority.
Unfortunately you don’t get to decide if she meets you or not and you don’t get a say in who he has around unless the situation is unsafe and you cab prove it. Grow up and move on.
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Unfortunetely unless ypuve put thqt clause in the visitation stipulation and sometimes even then that doesnt matter. You should be told her name at least so you can do background checks. Meeting really doesnt suffice these days anyway when ppl put om masks. Those background checks though are the best thing i think i can suggest. Get a name hon and maybe a bdaybto make sure youre looking up what you need.
I wouldn’t think too much about it , besides she’s not going to show her true colors from one meeting , what would you learn from meeting her in person for a brief second other than what she looks like ? Hopefully your ex has good judgment and wouldn’t have an idiot around your children
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Not over thinking or wrong, you have no idea who she is or what kind of person she is. Fuck that shit. Tell him straight either I meet her or the kids don’t come. I’ve meet my ex’s gf and she’s not bad id like to get to know her a bit better. But they are your kids too. And besides there are a whole heap of f*cked up people out there you just want to protect your kids xx
Not wrong at all. If you don’t meet the bf/gf, they don’t meet your kids PERIOD. My kids dad and I don’t play that shit and have always been on the same page about our kids. We weren’t great together but we are great coparents.
Allowing your children to go their father’s means you trust his judgement to keep them safe in every aspect. If she were to meet you it would be a courtesy, cause it’s certainly not necessity. I think you’re wrong , sorry .
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Right on mama know who is with your kids.
I didn’t meet my sons fathers wife until they actually lived together. And even then we barely talked. But once they stayed together for a long while we started coming around each other. And tbh I barely knew my sons father at that. I just had to trust god and let it be. I always have talks w my son, from a very young age. I taught him what his private parts were called and that no one absolutely no one should touch him. And I still ask him if he’s okay if he’s had any issues. And make sure he knows he can talk to me. Sometimes the ppl that are closest to your children (family) are the ones that hurt them. My half brother molested me. You don’t always have to worry about strangers.
Are your children old enough to tell you how she treats them? You’re probably prettier than she is that’s why she doesn’t want to meet!
Y’all, the author never said her opinion of the new gf mattered, or that she needed to interview and approve of the new gf, or become besties, she simply said she wants to meet her and thinks it’s weird that the gf doesn’t want to meet her as well. As a parent, I’d want to know what adults are around my kids in an over night setting. And, as a new gf, I’d want the kids mother to know that I was a good person and I’d take of her kids as if they were my own, while in my care. Any new person entering a relationship with someone with kids, should want to meet the other parent… Y’all are supposed to be grown ups and set an example.
Girl lol stay out of that woman’s way tf she has no obligation to meet you, when the child is with their father that is HIS time and you have no dictation on that. It’s a hard pill to swallow, I know. There is zero that you can do about it, it’s a losing battle.
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I’ll say what any judge will say. If it’s not illegal then what’s going on in your exs home is none of your business. She doesn’t want to meet you or have anything to do with you, then she doesn’t have too. It’s not you business.
Really would just depend on how involved the girlfriend is in my kids life? Are they newly dating or do they live together? How much time will she be around my kids? Will she be watching them alone or when he is not there.
Every girl your ex dates isn’t an automatic need to meet them unless they are significant in your kids life
She doesn’t have to meet you
I tried the same but both my ex’s gfs don’t want to meet me. I’d love to be civil and know who’s in my kids lives but they’re so insecure they’d rather dislike me then see who I really am.
I think it comes down to boundaries. As a single mom myself I get where u are coming from. But I don’t request to meet every friend or person my children come into contact with. You have to trust the other parent to keep the kids safe. As a girlfriend I see his point too. Meeting the mom is a huge step in a relationship. And can kill an early relationship very quickly.
So I’d say communicate with dad. Express your concerns. Maybe no meeting kids until relationship reaches a 3 month marker or something like that. But it’s important that u and dad have clear expectations on the issue
She owes you nothing! She should not be expected to meet you. If you trust ur ex with ur children , then you should trust him with his choices! I mean he chose you!
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How long have they been together . If not for long the kids shouldn’t even meet anyone’s gf or bf until it’s serious . Also she doesn’t have to meet you . Also meeting her once isn’t going to prove she is safe to be around your kids seems like your nosey and he shouldn’t have a new women around his kids yet . I waited 2 years of sewing someone before my kids met him
You don’t get to choose who your ex dates. So weather she’s a jerk or nice you have no control over her being around.
Pick your battles.
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What do you expect people on Facebook to do to help you?
I have the same issue with my ex, he brings her around my daughter secretively and my daughter, whom is 6 is being told to keep it a secret. I don’t care he’s with someone at all. I’ve been with someone for 6 years. Since she was born but he has horrible judgement on woman. I don’t know what to do!!
I personally don’t trust anyone so I’d like to meet her just to put a face to the name. Just tell him that it makes you uncomfortable that she wants to meet the kids but not you. That definitely makes me uncomfortable
There is absolutely something you can do. My mom lived it. She couldn’t have anybody she was seeing around my sister.
These comments are not it. Parents, best friends even kids killing kids these days. you honestly can’t trust anybody. You are dang right I’m gonna know anybody who is around my kids! PERIOD!! It’s a major red flag that she won’t meet you. It’s not like you are asking to be best friends.
No you are not wrong you have the right to know who your children are spending time with. However as long as you trust their father and you know he would never allow harm to come to them then you may just have to let it go. Starting a fued over something like this in my opinion is not even worth it. As long as you trust your children’s father and he is a good father then just let it be.
He is equally able to decide who is around your children. She does not have to meet you. He is no less of a parent and his decisions hold just as much weight as your own. A judge flat out told a BM that what he does on his time with his kids is none of the mothers business and vice versa as long as the kids are taken care of and happy.
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I respectfully disagree with anyone saying that she doesn’t have to or shouldn’t meet the new girlfriend because it’s not her business. It is her business because she is the mom. A mom is a big deal. Irrespective of 50/50 custody. A mom is a child’s safe place, a homemaker. When a child gets sick, they want their mom, not dad. So a mom has a right to know who the person is who is being a secondary mom figure to her child when he/she is by their dad. It’s also natural for her to want to meet the new girlfriend. It should not be a big deal especially if the girlfriend or dad has nothing to hide. Again, it does not matter if it is 50/50 custody. Mom is still mom.
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He needs to explain to her that part of being in his children’s life includes meeting their mother. That is actually a super normal request on any parents part. You are most definitely not wrong here.
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