We have 2 kids, 7.5 year old daughter, and a 6 year old son. We have a baby due this summer. Last night the kids and I were exchanging embarrassing stories before bed. Daughter mentioned she had an embarrassing story regarding her brother. I said that’s not fair, the person that the bad thing happened to has to be the one to share it. I shared some of my embarrassing moments. Eventually my son says, “When grandma and grandpa took us swimming at relative’s house, we were all out of the pool and I dove back in. Grandma had to get me out of the pool.” “I said you mean you were the only one in the pool struggling and went under water?” and he said yes. I asked if grandma jumped in or if she used the stairs. Both kids said she used the stairs. But before she got back in the water she was drying off. In the next breath my daughter says", Yeah, we weren’t supposed to tell you about it." At no point was grandpa ever mentioned. I tried not to react in the moment, because I want my kids to tell me anything and everything without fear. It has been almost a year since the incident and we are just finding out about it now! I am so upset! I feel very angry, because there was the possibility of dry drowning that can happen hours later. We should have been informed of the incident so we could watch our son extra close. In addition to the basic safety consideration. I feel angry that my children were told to lie to us and keep this a secret. As a grandparent I can’t understand telling your grandkids to keep secrets from their parents. I feel that is setting them up to think it is normal. That is what someone does when grooming children to keep some bad behavior secretive. (To me it could encourage pedophile behavior.) (The grandparents are not bad people, I know they’re not doing anything inappropriate). I feel that it is 100x worse hearing about the incident a year later than if they just would have said straight out, “This is what happened today, I have to let you know.” I have no trust for them now, and I have lost respect for them asking our kids to lie. It has been weighing on our daughter. There was such guiltin her voice. I have been crying about it, thinking about what could have happened to our son, especially being left in the dark, not watching him for any health issues. I am upset because I think it comes down to the fact that grandma didn’t want anyone to know she wasn’t perfect, and that something bad happened on her watch. Overall, they are good people. I feel they just don’t think anything bad could ever happen. I don’t want them watching any of my kids. I just know that once our baby is born they will want to take the older kids all the time. My only other complaint was that they let my daughter ride around a campground when she was just learning how to ride her bike and couldn’t stop properly 100% of the time. I have just started discussing this with my husband. Thank you in advance!
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My kids grandparents failed to tell me my child almost drowned...am I overreacting?
You are not overreacting
Regardless of the situation my kids are not ever going back around someone who tells them to keep secrets from me
Something similar happened with my mother and I ended up having to cut her off completely because the discussion of this one event led to the truth about other things coming out. They absolutely should have told you and the fact that they told the kids NOT to tell you is a huge problem.
Wow… I’d be very upset. This is your kid’s life they had in their hands and telling them to keep things from you isn’t a good thing.
I would be livid. I couldn’t trust them after hearing that.
This is how my uncle died. Minus the grandparents part. My aunt’s wouldn’t tell anyone what happened
This is so, so, so, so, serious. And don’t let anyone try to convince you that it’s not
Dry drowning deaths are real they put your child in danger big time by not making you aware
Teach them and gauge your next steps based on their reaction, are they offended or are they willing to learn and listen then I would decide the next steps from there
You’re not overreacting. Omg, I’d never let my kids go back. That is not okay!!!
Absolutely you have every right to be mad. Not only should they not be allowed to go over again. If you have no idea it occurred you won’t be able to watch for signs of second hand drowning, which could be very dangerous for your child.
I would have the conversation. Telling your children to keep a secret is a huge problem and would worry me something more was being hidden. Safe adults don’t tell kids to keep a secret like that from other safe adults. I stress that to my kids all the time. Also not telling you so you can monitor him for dry drowning is absolutely not ok. You’re not overreacting. But you do need to go to the source and calmly but firmly let them know that is unacceptable. I personaly would be setting a boundary that they do not have my children alone. I or someone I fully trust would be present at all times for a very long time.
I think your over reacting within the first paragraph when you started putting words in the boys mouth or you have a habit of telling the story wrong which isn’t the full true story therefore we don’t know…but your wrong
I would freak out, you need to confront them, not because of the incident but the lying,the possibility of dry drowning that you had no idea to watch for and the telling the kids to keep it to themselves. You trusted them and now it is jeopardy just cause they think you will be upset, stuff happens, he was saved but to not say anything, wow, just so stupid and careless.
Wow! I have no words at all. Shame on them.
I would be livid and I would absolutely address it. No one, family or not, should be telling your children to keep secrets from you. Do not let them be alone there again end of story.
You’re legit. Things like this impact a kid for life. Think on what you’d done to counter it ie swim lessons, emergency response etc. They took that from you AND burdened your children.
You should teach your kids not to keep secrets. Surprises are okay but must be revealed eventually.
Yes I would be upset and I would mention it. I would tell them you are more upset about them not discussing it when it happened so you would know to keep an eye on your child (dry drowning is real). Discuss in the future they need to discuss what happens or else they can’t be alone with your children.
The fact that they didn’t tell you and coerce the kids not to tell you makes me question what else they haven’t told you? This incident is very serious and thankfully it was a good outcome. However as the parents you definitely should have been informed. Almost makes me wonder if there was more to the story and something else they were trying to cover up about that evening?
Definitely not overreacting!!
But also have a serious talk with your kids that if an adult EVER tells you to keep a secret from mom and dad, that you tell mom and dad. And emphasize the almost drowning incident, where someone was hurt and they were made to keep it secret. Let them know it is NOT THEIR RESPONSIBILITY TO KEEP SECRETS FOR ADULTS BE IT REALTIVES, TEACHERS, FRIENDS OR STRANGERS.
I would be very upset as well and wouldnt want them watching my children anymore either. It’s a tough situation to be in w family . I would have a good sit down conversation with the grandparents
You are not overreacting
That’s just wrong😡!!! I would be absolutely fuming!! You are justified in how you feel and you are NOT overreacting! You trusted them with the safety and care of your babies and one almost died! Then they hid this from you and instructed your other children to lie! I would never leave them in their care EVER again and it would be a loooooong time before I trusted them or anything they say. Bless your heart❤️
Hell no the kids would not be spending time alone with them ever again unless you or your husband was there.
Sorry but they lost the right to have the children alone.
Plus telling them to lie and not tell you. Then you find out a year later. HELL NO the children going there alone again.
This is not ok!!! Your feelings and concerns are legitimate. I would personally have a very frank discussion with them about this and there would be serious limits on their time spent with the kids. It would only be while I was present until such time as I felt I could trust them again.
I agree that you should have definitely been told about the accident. Id be raging if this happened to my girls while they were at daddys or his relatives houses on weekend and this happened then I didn’t get told. Oh man, id go mad
I had to start distancing a friendship due to something like this, my son came home with a burn on his face after a sleepover at a very good friends house and everyone involved had a different story as to how it happened, my son is autistic so he was unable to tell me himself. His older brother was there with him but in another room, heard him scream and went to check on his little brother and was stopped from checking on him and then told to go back to the room he came from and wasnt allowed to go into the room his brother was in, I still dont know know what happened that day and have never allowed them to stay over anyones house again.
I would give her the benefit of the doubt if she is a good grandmother. The same thing happened to my daughter but I was sitting right there. As far as not telling you, it could have been as simple as whew- better not tell that happened. Children interpret things differently than adults. However, if she’s not a good grandparent, go ahead and flip over a table and pull her hair. If she is a good grandparent, I’d mention it very simply- kids were telling embarrassing stories and said one almost drown… what happened? I would also take this time to be sure my children knew pool dangers and to tell you stuff even if they think you will get mad. Being a parent is tough… dealing with children and grandparents is tougher.
Your child could have literally died. You are not overreacting, that is a huge deal and if they can’t bear to tell you about serious things like that you can’t really trust them with your children alone.
You absolutely are not overreacting, I would be fuming
At first I’m like meh, I’d probably just not tell ya because I’d be afraid I couldn’t watch my grandkids. But, then again, if my mil didn’t tell me I’d be seriously pissed and she really doesn’t tell me a lot of s*** that goes down and I do get pissed lol.
#1 You have to ask yourself if you are a helicopter parent who has instilled fear into the grandparents that you would take the children away if the GPs breathe wrong. If the answer is no…then … #2 You are correct to be VERY angry and leery. While nearly drowning isn’t minor… things are going to happen…myself…I immediately call the parents… if there is injury. I was raised with that bs of …don’t tell and if Fs a kid up. Time to clear the air…you are correct…it could be a form of grooming. You also have to let them know that you understand things are going to happen and let them know you aren’t going to judge or flip out on them. Find out why they feel the need to omit.
That is unacceptable I would be pissed!￼
Should of said something the time it happened
You definitely have a right to be upset. Teach your babies to always tell you if something bad happens. Even if someone tells them not to.
Been there… grandparents didn’t tell me my daughter fell nearly 3 feet off their bed while they were watching her… found out from my other kid. Asked the grandparents and they said they forget to tell us…
As a child of SA I adapted the saying “We don’t have secrets…we have surprises”. If its a secret then there is probably a reason they wish to “hide” behind the word secret. Secrets aren’t nice and can often times hurt other people…but surprises are fun and make people happy…
I would be livid if I were you and I certainly would address the situation in a round about way so they know you know.
I’m not going to type a big long thing about how beyond not okay this is, and how you absolutely have every right to feel the way you do, but I do want to say I would 100% bring it up to the grandparents still even if it was a year ago!!!
I would have called you right then… accident happen… but not with water… any time u have a pool u need 39 eyes… ill never let any grand child of mine get nare water unless I’m in the pool an for me the pool can’t be over 3 feet… cause I’m only 4 feet…so pools an beaches I dont go with kids unless their is more adults than kids … ill go with my grand kids an their mother an father to the beach ill go in to the water but not deep only toll my knees… I dont play with any type of bodys of water… no u didn’t over react!
It’s both. You’re overreacting and they’re wrong for hiding things - which they’re doing because they know you’ll overact. I do not like the fact that your parents are making your kids keep secrets. Thats not okay.
I would have a serious talk with the grandparents and tell them if they cannot tell you about incidents that they will not have the children over. It’s a serious situation that could have gone so wrong. See what their side of story is and ask why didn’t they tell you. Having them tell the kids to keep this from you is wrong for them to do, but maybe they thought you would you react the way you have. I know it’s scary and I would be mad too. But maybe they knew you would not let them have the kids over again. Just my thoughts but I can totally understand your thoughts and being upset. Hugs
Something should have been said if she had to use the stairs some one else should have been the one to get your child right away. Even if they didn’t drown they could have inhaled alot of water and later drowned at bed time
Did he say he was drowning? Your thing says he said he dove back in the pool and grandpa came and got him, then you asked if he was struggling for air? I would probably talk to an adult and get the whole story
I couldn’t even finish it the fact they got told not to tell you makes me hella mad for you.
I would be FURIOUS … kids would NEVER go there again… period. Its not about the water, its about being told to lie or keep secrets . Nope , dont u dare tell my kids to lie or keep secrets from me.
No are not overreacting at all, if anything maybe under reacting. If I was you I would of been round speaking to them to find out what happened, ask why I wasn’t told and why they thought it was acceptable to get my children to lie to me over something as serious as that. I would also let them know that my respect and trust in them have gone down and they have to earn it back before I feel safe enough to allow my child to go back there on their own! At the end of the day, this is your child not hers, regardless if it was something as serious as what happened or if it was just a small fall with a little bump or no mark you have the rights to know, she has neglected to tell you something serious that happened to your son, she got the children to keep a secret, that is unacceptable and she should have never put the children in that position. I know you say she is a good grandmother, but at the same time if she were that good she would of came to you and told you, she would have been straight on the phone to you. People make mistakes, us as mothers make mistakes, not one of us is 100% perfect, I feel this was not a mistake not telling you, not telling you was a choice she chose and getting your children to cover up for her by telling them not to sat anything. Please for the safety of your children go and speak to her, find out what happened and get the full story, children don’t remember every detail, but in a situation like that we would, grandmother will know the details and be able to help piece the story together, there maybe a simple explanation on how it happened
I don’t like that. I’d expect my parents to tell me and not teach my kids to keep such things from me…
I’d def have a talk with your parents about what can happen in this day and age when children are taught to keep secrets from their parents.
It’s the encouraging your children to lie to you for me. That isn’t ok. As a mom and grandma I know that stuff happens. Kids jump in pools, fall off bikes, skin their knees, whatever. My family (both sides) know that my children do not lie to me. If they were to encourage that I would feel the same way you do. It’s not ok. If someone my children love and trust are encouraging them to lie to me, it teaches my kids that it is ok to have secrets. What happens when someone with bad intentions tells them to lie to me? My husband and I would be having a conversation with the grandparents.
Oh wow! Absolutely unacceptable. I would be so upset!! I always tell my kids if anyone ever tell you don’t tell mommy or daddy… that’s when you definitely make sure to tell us… I don’t care how small it is. But it’s so important to let us know.
I prohibit all water activities if I’m not there!!!
i am a grand parent of 9 and a great grandparent of 1 n id never not tell one of my kids of something of that importance ever happened to one of their kids under my care nor would i ever tell my grandkids to not tell their mom and or dad bout something like that no matter what that just isnt right so yes id ssay i have every right to be very upset n angry
I will tell you my daughter experienced dry drowning, it’s terrifying. Luckily she made it through, but it was horrific. I will never forget it. They should have absolutely told you!
Okay…. 2 years ago my great aunt and uncle brought their twin grandsons (age 3)to the family reunion. The kids parents (my cousins) were working & couldn’t come. Most of us were swimming & my great uncle was walking the boys down to swim in the kiddie part. I could see them getting well ahead of my GU. They ran down the pier & I hollered to my teenage kids who were closer, “boys watch the littles I think they’re going to jump in!” And they did…. My youngest son caught one midair & missed the other… my other son wasn’t but about 5ft away… he caught the other after he’d completely went under water.
My great aunt begged everybody not to tell our cousins. And after that the cousins all kept a close eye on the kiddos since GU & GA were too old to keep up.
We didn’t say anything bc we knew, they’d never be allowed to get them again over an accident…. And they normally weren’t around ponds, pools, rivers, or lakes when they got the kids. So now every year, the older cousins watch out for those boys. We never told their parents. Only bc the only time they’re around water is at the reunion & kids need to know their family.
I tell my grands to never lie to their mom not ever
I’d be cutting all contact immediately they put your child at risk, he could’ve died. Nobody told you and they specifically told the kids not to tell you. Absolutely not. The safety of my kids is where I draw the line, I don’t give second chances. There’s zero coming back from this for me.
If they told me about something similar, I would continue to trust them with my kids since they acknowledge near-drowning is a big big deal. I would not trust them any longer if they found near-drowning (or really anything life-threatening or even remotely health related) something they would keep from me. I would certainly never trust anyone who encouraged my child to mislead me, hide something from me or in any way be less than forthcoming with me. The judgment of anyone who would do that is questionable and would not keep my children again. Maybe I am a stickler for honesty, but my kids must be 100% honest and forthcoming with me and ANYONE who puts questions in their minds about THAT will not be entrusted to keep them without me or someone I CAN trust around. Simple.
I would just talk to the grandparents and see what the heck’s going on. I would let them know that you can tell the grandkids not to share information with you, but they’re going to share information. It’s ridiculous to say it and absolutely unnecessary. Children need to pay attention to the adults or guardians and everyone needs to pay attention to everyone in the pool. If everyone can’t cooperate, then no one goes to the pool.
I would bring it up .to .the grandparents and get to .the bottom of it
Warning!!! As soon as the words…we were not supposed to tell you…
I would NOT allow my children to be with them unsupervised…they lied to you and put your children in danger.
So your child was told to get out of the pool. He then disobeyed and jumped back in. She went in after him. And your angry. First discuss with child about water rules. Period. Then ask your parents to please at least tell you next time. But you’re over reacting
Youre not overreacting, I would be very upset if my childrens caretakers groomed them to keep secrets from their parents in general, let alone the fact something bad happened to your son and they didnt even tell you about it at all smh…your feelings are absolutely valid.
I would express to your children that no matter what it is there should be no secrets from mom and dad, no matter who or what it’s about. Let them know they’re safe to tell you anything and they will not be in “trouble” no matter who or what someone may have told them. After I established that conversation in stone I would approach grandma and ask for n explanation and lay the ground rules down. If she ever asks your children to keep anything as small as she farted in public from you there will be a line drawn with her visitation. Meaning she’d never do anything with them alone again and leave it at that.
I feel like stuff happens and it is a scary situation. The part I feel like I would be the most upset about is that they weren’t supposed to tell you. No one should ever tell a kid to not tell their parent something. That is absolutely not okay. And no I don’t think you’re overreacting.
Your son could have died. And they knew how serious of a thing it was since they asked your kids to not tell you. I wouldn’t keep them away from your Grandparents but I wouldn’t let them babysit. I would definitely still let them visit but only when you’re around. I would remind your kids that they can tell you anything even if someone like family has said not to. And make sure they know they won’t get in trouble for telling you these things.
As far as them letting your daughter ride around when she first started riding her bike, did she have her helmet on? This incident with Letting her ride her bike isn’t a big deal at all in my opinion. Almost drowning is a big deal.
I would also sit down with these people, your grandparents and explain that you are upset. That you do not want them to ever tell your kids to hide something from you. And that they should have told you.
And I probably wouldn’t make a point to tell them that they can’t take the kids unsupervised anymore because they will probably just argue or act offended. But when they reach out asking for the kids I would say something like “we are free this day” or “we are busy that day” and “we can come from x time to x time” just make it sound like all or nothing. Parents and kids or no kids. But I feel like you definitely need to talk to the Grandparents and get their side. Sometimes kids see things differently. And definitely talk to your kids about safety around water. When adults get out you get out. No swimming without someone in the water with you (an adult not another child).
But you do have the right to be upset. Communication goes a long way and by telling your kids not to tell you there’s trust that has been broken.
Livid would be an understatement. She was told to stay out so thankfully she learned a lesson and survived through it. But to tell them not to tell you? Oh lord.
The only “secrets” grandparents should have kids keep from their parents is something silly like an extra cookie or soda instead of water. That is not acceptable. You have every right to be upset over it. And tell your kids if something like that ever happens again that they need to tell you, for safety reasons. Idk that I would trust them with my kids again.
I would have flipped out
Nope. Never again. Trust your gut.
you’re not overreacting at all… dry drowning had happened to my friends little brother when I was 12. also his parents didn’t know of the incident and let him take a nap because he was tired. he never woke up. if those were my kids grandparents they would no longer have the privilege of watching my underage kids. they can visit them at their family gatherings
Would I be upset? Sure. But grandparents do that kind of thing by not making a big deal out of it. Maybe it wasn’t as bad as your children said or the grandparents were sparing your feelings knowing you would react some kind of way. I think keeping them away from your children would be more harmful to the children’s mental status. Go talk to the grandparents with your husband and tell them more about how you feel and work on it together.
You have every right to feel the way you do. But I also know little kids won’t entirely listen to what they are told to do or not do. The best thing to do is talk to the grandparents about it .
Your child could have died . I’d be furious . I’d never let my kids stay there ever again or go over there unsupervised . If they wanna see them , they can come to your home and see them . That’s insane . He could have died , I’d be furious .
You’re not overreacting. Like, at all. Yeah he’s a kid and shouldn’t have jumped back in but his actions are of a child… they are adults that should have instantly told you especially because of the dry drowning that can happen later. I think people don’t realize the level of trust that was broken by telling the kids to keep it a secret. Children should know that they keep no secrets from their parents. I’m really sorry
I’m sorry your kid didn’t follow directions- that is probably something you should address with them especially with water safety. They’re very lucky someone was there to keep them alive.
Aside from your misbehaving child- it is inappropriate for any adult ever to tell a child to keep a secret from their parents. That is the part you should address. After you explain that they need to follow rules.
Your child could have died . I’d be furious . I’d never let my kids stay there ever again or go over there unsupervised . If they wanna see them , they can come to your home and see them . That’s insane . He could have died , I’d be furious .
The kids said he dove into the water and grandma got him out. The mom said he went under and was struggling and had them agree. That’s called leading - putting words in his mouth. Sounds like she just wanted to have an issue with her in-laws.
Im sorry but i would have a hard time leaving my children in their care, something so important as that not being told to you,and than you’re children being told to keep it a secret is outrageous…
I’m sorry but even if your kids where with you accidents are gonna happen
Taking them away from their grandparents for a mistake that was made is extremely overreacting and probably is gonna affect the whole family. Talking to them and the grandparents in a meeting is fine but dont rake them away from them. My mom loves my kids and I would never break her heart by taking them away from he
Maybe they didn’t want them telling you because you’re an over reacting drama queen and they knew you’d act like this.
Everyone was told to get out the pool, your boy didn’t listen and jumped back in and grandma went in to save him and you’re mad
Sounds like you’re a helicopter mom and they are from the generation who didn’t hover with their kids. Different parenting styles. I’d be upset but at this point nothing productive can come from knowing. Focus on this being a lesson to your children to always be honest with you no matter what another adult tells them… and tell your son to never jump in after he was told to get out like that
Okay so I do see from their side (in the moment) afraid to tell you. I go through this with children I look after if something happens to them and perhaps I had missed it etc./ felt horrible it happened, but I always say it (to be honest, I forgot to mention something at one point and I was distraught on the phone to my supervisor that night and ended up calling the mum who wasn’t too concerned but we discussed some things they were going to get checked). I don’t know how they would have held onto that guilt/worry for so long too! Maybe they feared you wouldn’t trust them anymore! I guess I felt this too… the worst is when I may have missed what happened… but at least they did get in and got him out… I guess that’s the part you need to try to focus on. I often over think things which getting into the pedo thing maybe you could be doing… but at the same time you wouldn’t know so need to be wary! But it does sound like they got your kids to hide it from guilt… and not grooming…
They also may not thing making them keep a secret is all that bad… o know it’s a very different reason and situation… but for example Mother’s Day. I would sometimes say you need to hide it and not tell mum you got it/keep it a surprise/ secret for Mother’s Day… but since safe protection training. I took my nieces shopping for Mother’s Day and said you shouldn’t keep secrets from mum so it’s up to you if you want to keep the present a surprise to give her on Mother’s Day. I was trying to get them to keep a secret that we went shopping for her. But also made a point that if they felt they wanted or needed to tell her that they could.
What was the relationship surrounding swimming? Do you think they needed permission to even take your kids to a pool or did you know?
I think you need to be upfront with them about how you feel and try to be understanding a little of why they felt they couldn’t tell you. But let them know why you wished you had been told so you could monitor him… and talk them about how you didn’t like they made the kids keep it a secret and that you want them to know they can come to you with anything (the same for the grandparents). Explain how you’re more angry that they kept it from you than that it happened and that accidents happen etc.
I’m sure they would still carry the guilt of not telling you… but I think they also need to hear your side!
Hope this helps! You can’t change what happened but after calming down and approaching them calmly about it I think you can improve for the future… perhaps start small if after the chat you are on the same page… short time frames and no outings especially. And let them gain that trust in telling you even about a tiny thing like a grazed knee. Make sure that communication is open before longer time and outings?
Safe adults don’t make kids keep secret’s! That’s our house rule!
I feel you should talk to the grandparents. Your concern is totally validated, but they are young children. Maybe it was not actually what it seems, but they should never tell your children not to tell you things.
Allowing a child to keep one secret, allows the kid to keep other secrets. I agree with you. It can open the door to them be molested and not saying anything. (not saying the grandparents would but anyone could). I’d be upset and explain all that to the grandparents with the kids present. Let the kids know that there are good secrets, like planning a surprise party. And there are bad secrets… Any secret that makes them feel uncomfortable… And they can not bad secrets to themselves no matter who tells them to keep the secrets
I’m afraid I have to agree. If the grandparents tried to hide a near-drowning incident from you… and encouraged the children to keep secrets from you, I would have trust issues too. There would be a very serious talk with these grandparents. They would not be trusted alone with the grandkids anymore.
Accidents happen to the best of us, but to ask a child to lie or keep secrets is so beyond wrong. I can understand why you’re feeling as you are and regardless of time passed I think you have every right to ask them about it and express how you feel or work through it in what ever manner you need. You need to be able to trust the people in your children’s lives.
I’m with you. No one should be telling your kids to hide stuff from you or lie to you.
Grow up! How many times did you do something like this to your patents? They didn’t go blabbing about it, they handled the situation and went about their day. So yes, you’re waaay overreacting. He dove right back in when your parents were standing there after telling them the swim time was over, she should have busted his ass when she got him out. Sounds like he was in the water barely a minute before she got to him, he wasn’t going to die…unless of course your parents decided to wait until the bubbles stopped before going in after him. Lol
Still, unless this was an indecent that ended up with a 911 call or a visit to the ER and you weren’t told, you need to get over yourself. Seriously, think back to every time you ever jumped back in after you were told to get out.
This was just another case of being an adult having to deal with a disobedient child, it’s not front page news!
Definitely bring it up to the Grandparents…set rules and boundries…let them know how upset you and your husband are after hearing about this a year later…kids need their Grandparents we all make mistakes…I think you did a great job not over reacting when the kids told you but a little bit of a mad reaction is good so the kids know that even though they are their Grandparents that keeping secrets are NOT ACCEPTABLE ! Good Luck Momma
This is horrible!!! There are 2 things in my life that everyone knows not to mess with. My kids and my animals! The fact grandma told them to keep a secret from their Mother, is enough to never trust them around my kids anymore. What else are they trying to keep you in the dark about? I’d be livid. End of story.
I don’t think they should have told the kids to lie and that warrants a conversation but I think you are overreacting. Unless I’m reading it wrong he wasn’t found at the bottom of the pool . It sounds like they saw him jump in and he was struggling to which she saved him. It’s irrelevant if she jumped in or used the stairs. Your child went back in to the water on his own and he was saved. I don’t think you should keep the grandparents from watching them and that is probably exactly why they didn’t want you to know. My daughter could have drowned on my watch but I saw her jump in the pool, forgetting to put her swimmy back on. A full pool of people no one realizing she went straight to the bottom and couldn’t get back up. Thankfully she was smart and started bouncing across the bottom to get to the side so she could pull herself up. By the time I reached her I was able to reach in and pull her out. I should have screamed or something but I was so in shock of what happened I literally was in disbelief until I pulled her out. She was fine. But my point is if you were there it could have happened too. A conversation should be had for directly asking the kids to lie but she was watching as she should have been and saved him.
I think you have every right to feel how you feel. I would feel the same way.
My girls were raised to tell me if someone says don’t tell Momma & Daddy other than it being taken out for a simple sweet treat ( which I could careless about that) yet anything other than that, they are to tell us!! That means they were taken somewhere they shouldn’t be, around people I disagree with ( you would have to know my family to understand that), or someone may have touched them in the wrong way! Call that helicopter parenting if you want. But my oldest was taken to an illegal poker machine playing in the back of a bar:woman_facepalming:t3:, taken around a pedophile. I was angry & thankful nothing happened. This grandparent thinks everyone is a saint except the ones that are doing right!!! Same grandparent took my youngest (took many years to trust) around yet again a bad place. Around drug users that are family, took her to a place to eat that they deal drugs out of, then an argument breaks out, she said if anything starts to happen run & hide behind the counter or the bathroom & keep quiet Nit something a Momma & Daddy ever want to hear. Then years later same child we told her since her car as been targeted for having drug grands hauled here & there in we weren’t comfortable with our child going anywhere & she said oh they ain’t gonna bother me. Well that not what you said when you found out your car was targeted & you parked it a while. Mad for a while but when we were bashed to everyone the story was told to, they all responded they didn’t blame us one bit.
I know that’s off topic. But the point is always tell your kids if anyone tells them not to tell their parents, that’s a very important time to tell the parents. Momma & Daddy need to know!!!
I’m hated by many because we have so many untrustworthy people in our family it makes it scary to let my child go anywhere with her grandparent. I would rather break her heart than her get hurt or something worse happen, because I knew the consequence could be much worse than a broken heart. Our daughter isn’t even aloud to go to the house & stay because those drug members always pop up & the grandparent will drop anything for them. But when the sane kids need something always sick or stupid excuse.
You are lucky to have a parent to take you children places & you not have to worry overall. But this would make me livid telling my child not to tell me!!! That doesn’t roll here!! Although this grandparent knew my children have been told this, they still attempted it. But I always confronted, well you remember I raised our kids to tell us if someone says don’t tell Momma & Daddy they tell Momma & Daddy!!!
Never ask a child to withhold something! I would talk to them!
No one should ever ask a child to keep a secret from their parent. Even if it’s as small as an extra cookie. Secrets are 100% not ok because kids don’t understand the difference between small and big secrets. I would be very mad… but I would have told grandparents that secrets are absolutely not ok and are a deal breaker.
I get that you’re upset that grandma didn’t tell u although I still think you’re overreacting. It’s hard to say since u don’t know exactly what happened. And I don’t think grandma is “grooming” the kids to keep secrets. Most likely she didn’t want to upset u when your child was actually ok. Furthermore, you’re teaching your kids to insert suspicion into every less than perfect situation by asking them did grandma jump or or take the steps in. And u also said oh u we’re struggling & no one else helped. Further indications that u overreact is your statement that the grandparents let your child ride her bike around the campsite before she could fully stop. Get a grip or put your kids in a padded room. One day they will experience a mishap on your watch. No one is perfect, including you
Did you really just compare you not being told something that happened with a pool activity to grooming kids and pedo activities?
I mean yeah you have every right to be upset that your child was injured and you weren’t told. But to say that can lead to grooming a ￼ pedophile activities that’s a bit much in my opinion
Dear lord …this is why they didnt tell you. Honestly kids tend to make a thousand times worse as well. Do you have a right to be pissed sure. Is this withhold the kids from their grandparents worthy no.
I would have been so mad. No adult should be telling my kids to keep secrets from me period. That’s unsafe behavior no matter what it is