Dry drowning hours later? Never heard of that.
You are not overacting. I’m with you 
on this and I would feel the same way you do!
We all know accidents happen. The problem for me would be encouraging the children to lie and the fact they didn’t tell you immediately you came back.
No child should ever be encouraged to keep secrets from their parents. Id be having a serious chat with the grandparents letting them know that you understand things happen but encouraging your children to keep secrets from you is unacceptable and could have serious consequences . Im not suggesting the grandparents would be grooming the children but other adults might try.
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Safe adults don’t ask kids to keep secrets…ever!!!
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Maybe your mother inlaw knew how you’d react. I understand your anger and your fear but apparently they’ve been loving grandparents. Talk to them. Your children were a year younger at the time. Talk to your husband. Tread carefully. Especially if they have been wonderful grandparents.
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I’d never let them in her care again.
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Nobody should tell a child to keep it a secret no matter how trivial it may be I too wouldn’t be happy even after all this time I’d have to say something especially the child was told not to say anything I always say to my child no matter what secrets are not allowed I want my child to be able to come to me with anything and not be afraid secret are not good to keep and shouldn’t be on the shoulder of a child end of
When my youngest was 3 she fell in my husband’s parents pool. They didn’t say a word about it. in the way home my oldest said, kylie fell in the pool.
My husband called his mom and she said yes, she did, but I was right there and pulled her out within a second.
My oldest said it wasn’t true and that she was screaming for her other son to jump in and get her.
They have never swam at their house again
I’m not going to address anything you said at all except the “secret keeping”. Kids have to know that they NEVER have to keep a secret from a parent. If a person asks them to keep a secret from their parent - it’s their job to tell the parent as soon as they can because “we do not keep secrets in our family”.
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Don’t think you should be upset about the actual pool incident (it can happen even if you are right there with them, learned the hard way) BUT I would definitely be having a sit down talk about why it is never okay to have your children lie to you, or hide something from you, because it could of been worse, or next time it could be someone else and a even more serious situation (I.E someone actually trying to groom one of them)
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You are right and something should be said to the grandparents
I feel like we need more backstory. Like…I know you know your kids and could hear the guilt in her voice.
But I feel like you may have manipulated what they were trying to say by putting words in their mouth.
We obviously don’t know the situation but from your story I’m assuming your in laws feel like they’re perfect? No, they absolutely should never ask your children to keep secrets but that’s when we teach our children that secrets don’t exist in our home. (Privacy is different).
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They definitely should of told you, and they should never teach your kids to lie.
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Accidents happen but the fact that they felt the need to tell your children NOT to tell you is absolutely horrible. They would not be around my children unsupervised until I felt they earned my trust. I don’t care if it were my husbands parents or my own. That’s horrible of the grandparents!
First of all a kids account may be way different than what happened. Before judging I’d talk to them about what happened and make some clear boundaries.
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Im a mom lots of family and my son is always gone on weekends! Hes 10…I dont hear all the good bad or ugly! You know now and yet you accused them of grooming!! Seriously…your overreaching on some things! What.about your parents? Its been over a yr let it go!
Respectfully should have told y’all.
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The fact that they were told by an adult not to tell you is disrespectful and teaching them that it’s ok to omit things and to hide things from people which is absolutely bs!! I personally ask them about it and just say look we live in different times we aren’t raising our children for a time we were raised for and its never ever ok to tell them not to tell me something or to hide something from me!! If they have a problem with that then they are the problem! And dry drowning is a thing!! Maybe back in the day it wasn’t but we now know it is!! So that whole situation was dangerous!! I would nicely confront them about it!
Kids say things out of context. Your question to him was suggestive and he went with it. I’d ask for a more verifiable version of that story before assuming.
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Accidents happen but they should had told you!!
Take them to swimming lessons. Don’t make it much bigger than what it is. They probably know you will be like this and wanted to avoid this situation. 
thank god your son is ok.
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If your son jumped back in, not grandparents fault, and it depends on the struggle. Just treading water or trying to get to the side vs being pulled from the pool choking or needing CPR. However being told to keep it a secret is just not okay under any circumstance.
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This is a HUGE deal and I would be sooooo pissed. Trust gone.
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They should have told you everything - as the parent you have the right to know when something happens to your child but keep in mind accidents do happen with children!
This is absolutely unacceptable and you have every right for being angry for every point you made. You need to address this so they know this this will not be tolerated. Make it clear that you know accidents happen and you’re grateful that they were watching him Close enough to jump in and save him but that teaching your children to lie about it sets a bad precedent for kids at an early age. Also print out some stuff about dry drowning. They may not even know about it because I only learned about it in the last five years or so.  
Nope, never again would they be left unsupervised with my kids. You don’t tell kids to keep secrets from their parents, EVER. I agree, it encourages pedophile behavior. Also, you kid could have easily died and instead of owning up to the mistake, they intentionally kept it a secret. That is awful. I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this.
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My oldest used to tell my mom I didn’t feed her to get snacks she one day said she haven’t eaten in a month so needed 2 bags of chips:roll_eyes:
I wouldn’t go fully on the childrens story either. Don’t jump. Calmly ask your parents on their version. And use your common sense whwn putting both stories together. Always remember kids can definitely over react.
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parents did the same thing a few years ago now.
We were at the family cottage, I had to go to the town about 20 mine away to get dinner things. My kids were 6 & 8. Neither could swim without a floaty bc they couldn’t stay afloat. So I told my parents not to let them near the lake while I was gone. I Come back and my youngest comes running at me saying auntie **** saved him. I asked from what, he says from the lake. I lost my shit. Apparently my parents went inside and left the kids to run around. My brother and his wife were at the end of the dock and let my son go sit with them ( that’s fine ) but without a floaty incase he fell. Low and behold he fell off the dock and he instantly sank. He was sinking for half a minute before they jumped in to get him. My dad laughed about it said " well, he sank like a sack of rocks, maybe he should learn to swim " but if it wasn’t for my kid telling me, noone would’ve said anything about it… since then, they have not watched my kids without me present.
Accidents happen. But when they do happen, take responsibility for them and tell the parent that way they can look out for signs of danger afterwards. I’d talk to the grandparents and see if it jogs their memory and why they didn’t tell you. NOONE should tell kids to keep secrets that involve dangerous situations. Secrets like presents and surprises are different.
My take is that your son disobeyed and put himself in danger, and they didn’t want him to get into trouble because it turned out all right. Your kids have a lot of years ahead to make bad decisions, you probably ought to take a deep breath and be grateful that there was someone to rescue him that time.
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I feel the same way. My folks have done the same with my kid’s (Don’t tell your mom). It’s NOT okay under any circumstances!!
The bike thing isn’t a huge deal, that’s how kids learn how to ride. And she probably didn’t tell you because maybe you do overreact and she didn’t wanna feel bad and have you hang out over her head. Ask her about if the kids have ever had a hard time swimming or if she ever has had to jump in and pull them out, if she lies then that’s an issue, and dry drowning would have happened right away not hours, maybe secondary but both are pretty rare.
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I’m sure the truth is somewhere in that story. They are 6 and 7. Did you say anything about the child not listening? You kind of fed the kid the details.
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Oooo tricky!! For one, I don’t consider that almost drowning…. My level of almost drowning is a bit more than that BUT that being said it should have been mentioned. In an old timers mind that wasn’t too bad. They handled it. Probably assumed you would be angry and scared and wouldn’t allow them to have access to the kids because the child didn’t listen and jumped back in without anyone in the pool. Kid could have gotten in trouble or hurt and they obviously love those kids and don’t want a kid’s mistake to take away from their time or access to them. The kid wasn’t left at the pool alone, they got him, they are fine. Focus on that.
I’d sit BOTH of them down and say this…. And trust me on this… “ the kids told me about the pool incident. Im glad you were so alert and got him so fast! Im not angry or upset he jumped back in and you got him, im upset because I wasn’t informed. As the parent I NEED to know if my child ignored a rule that could have seriously hurt them or worse! Now… if you plan on going swimming again please let me know so I can go over the pool rules extensively and tell them if they break the rules then they won’t go on the next pool trip! They should follow OUR rules for pool safety! Thank you for being so alert but next time PLEASE let us know what happens good or bad. It’s NOT your fault and I wouldn’t stop them going! It could have happened to ME too, so him jumping back in isn’t on you, I just want ALL of them to know if they disobey or break a rule there are consequences.”
Then let that one slide. You know kids break rules or so things that cause broken bones and cuts and scrapes and black eyes all the time 
but just lay down rules. Make sure you go over rules for places they may go. And the grandparents HAVE to be willing to tattle on the kids. They are older and have had kids so I’m sure they got scolded and reminded extensively of safety while their hearts were racing out of their chest. They probably assumed it was handled and not to get the kid in double trouble. So just make rules and tell them privately not to ask them not to tell us if something happens. All of you need to work together to keep rules for SAFETY reason
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Oooo tricky!! For one, I don’t consider that almost drowning…. My level of almost drowning is a bit more than that BUT that being said it should have been mentioned. In an old timers mind that wasn’t too bad. They handled it. Probably assumed you would be angry and scared and wouldn’t allow them to have access to the kids because the child didn’t listen and jumped back in without anyone in the pool. Kid could have gotten in trouble or hurt and they obviously love those kids and don’t want a kid’s mistake to take away from their time or access to them. The kid wasn’t left at the pool alone, they got him, they are fine. Focus on that.
I’d sit BOTH of them down and say this…. And trust me on this… “ the kids told me about the pool incident. Im glad you were so alert and got him so fast! Im not angry or upset he jumped back in and you got him, im upset because I wasn’t informed. As the parent I NEED to know if my child ignored a rule that could have seriously hurt them or worse! Now… if you plan on going swimming again please let me know so I can go over the pool rules extensively and tell them if they break the rules then they won’t go on the next pool trip! They should follow OUR rules for pool safety! Thank you for being so alert but next time PLEASE let us know what happens good or bad. It’s NOT your fault and I wouldn’t stop them going! It could have happened to ME too, so him jumping back in isn’t on you, I just want ALL of them to know if they disobey or break a rule there are consequences.”
Then let that one slide. You know kids break rules or so things that cause broken bones and cuts and scrapes and black eyes all the time but just lay down rules. Make sure you go over rules for places they may go. And the grandparents HAVE to be willing to tattle on the kids. They are older and have had kids so I’m sure they got scolded and reminded extensively of safety while their hearts were racing out of their chest. They probably assumed it was handled and not to get the kid in double trouble. So just make rules and tell them privately not to ask them not to tell us if something happens. All of you need to work together to keep rules for SAFETY reason
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Yeah I wouldn’t feel comfy about them watching my kids either. Do what you gotta do, Mama!
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I would be mad. I would talk to them when u calm down some. But be direct and stern. Good luck. Have a talk with your kids about secret safety. If a grown up tells them to not tell another grown up something. They usually should.
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Telling kids to keep secrets, especially from their parents, is extremely inappropriate.
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Ok grandma isn’t perfect and neither are we. If your son jumped in without her approval then of course she wasn’t prepared. Things do happen because let’s be honest none of us are perfect. However keeping a secret from you isn’t ok. I would explain to my kids that it’s never ok to keep secrets and also give them a talking about the fact of jumping in the water without approval to do so first and a knowledgeable adult being around. I’m with you momma I don’t want my kids to be scared to tell me anything but I also want them to know that keeping secrets from adults is not okay either.
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The big WIN for you is that your kids felt safe telling you. They trust you. Use this as a time to encourage your kids to ALWAYS talk to you about anything and especially the things people say not to tell you. Don’t break their trust by confronting the grandparents with what the “kids told you”. They may not feel comfortable telling you things in the future. You can take the information to adjust the reason and amount of time you leave your children with the grandparents in the future.
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Multiple things to unpack here. First, you guided him with things. That might not have been completely what happened, kids will often go with what their parents guide them to say when asked “well do you mean this happened?” Just avoid things like that. Secondly, because the story might not be 100% what you were told, grandparents might not have thought they needed to tell you. For example, what could have actually happened was your son jumped back in the pool after grandparents said to get out. Grandma had to go back in to get him (hence her using the stairs/ladder) because he tried saying he couldn’t get back out on his own so he didn’t get into as much trouble. Then he tells you (because you guided him to it) that he almost drowned because he thinks he won’t get into trouble with you by agreeing with what you said. Just a thought. Talk to the grandparents and get their side before wigging out. Just my standpoint.
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That’s a breach of trust by telling your children “don’t say anything.”
Yeah, no, not ok. I’m with you on this
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It is NEVER cool to tell children to lie to their parents!!! Time for a conversation for sure
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Those grandparents wouldn’t be allowed to be with my kids unsupervised. That’s how I look at it. You are supposed to trust family to tell you everything. You should talk to them and ask what else they been telling thr kids not to tell you about
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Take a deep breath and calm down. You are jumping to conclusions!
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Ok grandma isn’t perfect and neither are we. If your son jumped in without her approval then of course she wasn’t prepared. Things do happen because let’s be honest none of us are perfect. However keeping a secret from you isn’t ok. I would explain to my kids that it’s never ok to keep secrets and also give them a talking about the fact of jumping in the water without approval to do so first and a knowledgeable adult being around. I’m with you momma I don’t want my kids to be scared to tell me anything but I also want them to know that keeping secrets from adults is not okay either.
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Ok grandma isn’t perfect and neither are we. If your son jumped in without her approval then of course she wasn’t prepared. Things do happen because let’s be honest none of us are perfect. However keeping a secret from you isn’t ok. I would explain to my kids that it’s never ok to keep secrets and also give them a talking about the fact of jumping in the water without approval to do so first and a knowledgeable adult being around. I’m with you momma I don’t want my kids to be scared to tell me anything but I also want them to know that keeping secrets from adults is not okay either.
Stop over thinking it! If they are good people without bad intentions as you’ve mentioned a few times, just sit down with them, even over a meal with the kids present and address it. The kids need to see it isn’t exceptable to keep secrets from mom and dad and this can be easily resolved. Plain and simple, don’t turn it into in-necessary drama!
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When I was pregnant I had anxiety about everything and cried about everything. Keep in mind that your emotions might be a little heightened due to being pregnant. I wish my kids had grandparents that would take them occasionally. It takes a village to raise kids and grandparents are part of the village (if they’re lucky to have grandparents).
In the end, everything was fine. Your child didn’t drown and everything was fine. Maybe the grandparents didn’t want you to worry and they realized that the kids were probably going to over exaggerate the story and cause you to worry. As far as them letting your daughter ride her bike around the camp ground, sometimes the best way for kids to learn is to just turn them loose and let them see what they’re capable of on their own. They learn to be more independent that way. Try not to be TOO hard on the grandparents. I’m sure they love your kids so much.
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I know they may overall be decent grandparents aside from this one incident - but for me personally I would t let them go over alone and o would definitely call grandma to discuss what happened so you can get the truth from her as well (mainly to see if she’d lie to you) and let her know how serious she overstepped her boundary. Now you cannot trust her let alone now she’s teaching both your kids to lie and keep secrets which is now ANOTHER problem.
I just read the first part the question and no, no matter what the reasoning they gave you are not over reacting if my kids were anywhere and this happened and I wasn’t told by them I would so flip. There are things that could happen after the fact that you still need to watch for.
I know they may overall be decent grandparents aside from this one incident - but for me personally I would t let them go over alone and o would definitely call grandma to discuss what happened so you can get the truth from her as well (mainly to see if she’d lie to you) and let her know how serious she overstepped her boundary. Now you cannot trust her let alone now she’s teaching both your kids to lie and keep secrets which is now ANOTHER problem.
You’re not overreacting. Children should NEVER be told to keep secrets from their parents, even small things. You’re right, it opens the door for people with sinister motives to take advantage of your children. I would definitely confront the grandparents about it and set boundaries.
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The only thing that bothers me here is that she asked them to keep it from you. We don’t do secrets over here unless it’s a surprise/holiday.
Accidents happen all the time but there’s no need to hide it.
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Your son jumped in grandma went in and got him out . No harm came to him. So grandma was responsible. OK I agree you probably should have been told. But other than that I don’t see an issue
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I can not advice you on what to do or how to handle this situation. I can say that as a Grandma, I would have called the parents as soon as I could have to talk to them. I know that no one is perfect, but parents need to be in the loop. I am always sending pics of the kids as I am watching them to the parents. They know where we are and who we are with/seeing at every point.
Not my kids, they are my kids kids, they need to be kept in the loop…
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You cannot allow grandparents to do that … not tell you … and not respect your rules or boundaries… it’s teaching your children a double standard. They MUST follow the rules you set and tell you when something happens ‘every’ single time … no exception.
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Your kid jump back in that’s his fault not the grandparents and who cares if she jump in or used the stairs so dumb and I don’t see how they lied to you lol. Just kept it from you for whatever reason that’s not lieing to you lol 1000000 overreacting. Also maybe she kept it from you to keep your son out of trouble for doing something he shouldn’t have been doing or to keep you from worrying she took care of it. It’s over let it go and your gaslightening your kids instead of letting the say what happend your putting words in their mouths so they are just agreeing l:woman_shrugging:
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The grandma was just trying to keep u from doing just what your doing! Being an over reactive worry wort parent. Accidents happen and she took care of it quite fine so let it go. 
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Telling your kids to NOT tell you something is NOT ok. I definitely wouldn’t be sending the kids over there alone again. That is definitely not ok because if they get used to that with them then they think it is ok to do with others as well then they keep more and more from you which can have bad consequences.
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No more visits to grandmas house unless a parent is there… idgaf. 
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Hiding your sons near death experience with drowning & asking him to lie to protect herself is very narcissistic…
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The grandma was just trying to keep u from doing just what your doing! Being an over reactive worry wort parent. Accidents happen and she took care of it quite fine so let it go. 
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Completely overreacting. They probably were like we’re not going to tell Mom that like in a joking way I doubt very seriously they were trying to convince your kids to lie to you. I grew up at the beach and I’ve never ever had a concern about dry drowning never heard of it I have five kids and I think you’re just being way too overreactive. Why does the stairs or jumping in matter why does she was drying off matter. It sounds like you already have an issue with the grandparent and are just trying to find a basis for your argument against them. A year later and your kid is fine and you’re still acting like this. I think jumping to the pedophilia is the most extreme of the overreaction and absolutely crazy that you would even go to that.
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I’ll pray for this oh no
Way to keep your emotions at bay while talking to them! Go with your gut, but I would definitely be upset as well finding out a year later. Accidents are accidents, no one is perfect. Showing kids it’s okay to “lie to cover something up/avoid telling the truth” (especially when anyones safety is concerned) is not cool, ever. I have a pool, and my rule is if you can’t swim, wear something to keep your head up and have a buddy. Grandma probably would have been upset if that was her kid years ago as a younger mother as well. Good luck!
As a grandma I find this unacceptable, agreed with your assessment of it all. As a mom (of 5) I would be as upset as you are and that trust is irretrievably broken for me, I don’t play when it comes to my kid’s safety .
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The asking them to lie is definitely a problem, but from your description of what they said, that’s not drowning or almost drowning. Definitely overreacting to the actual incident, but not overreacting to not being told at the time and for them being told not to tell you
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You are not overreacting, all of your points and concerns are valid. At no point should any adult instruct a child to lie to their parent or anyone. If there is an incident with water the parents should know because dry drowning is a thing that could happen. As for the bike at the campground if they were with her I don’t see that as a problem, if they let her go off by herself that is a big issue. In the future set ground rules for the types of activities they can do with the grandchildren. Right now you and your husband need to have a conversation with the grandparents about your concerns and what the children told you. I do not think this is a situation where should ban them from staying with their grandparents. Rules and boundaries should be in place for future visits.
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The don’t yell mom aspect os where the line was blown out of the water I would not trust them with my kids after that
I used to keep my godson a few days a week (8 yrs) and EVERY TIME something happened, I told mom and dad immediately. And I have never asked him to keep a secret from his parents. That’s the part that would upset me most. Accidents happen, especially with young children. Secrets are deliberate. Best of luck navigating this conversation.
They didn’t tell you because they figured you wouldn’t let them take them anymore. They should have told you. The encouragement to keep secrets isn’t cool at all. Maybe have a talk with them after you calm down some and just let them know that you know and you would like to be kept abreast of events that could potentially have negative effects after the fact.
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You’re not overreacting. She knew it was a scary situation, or she wouldn’t have felt she needed to hide it (she didn’t want it to reflect badly on her). She put your son in danger by not letting you know about it so you could watch him and make sure he didn’t drown in his sleep or something. She NEVER should have told your kids to lie to you! There is just so much here that is unacceptable, and I wouldn’t trust her with the kids anymore either.
How she reacts when you confront her would be the deciding factor on whether I let her try to earn my trust back or not. If she is genuinely regretful, admits she fucked up, apologizes, and is humble, then we could do supervised visits until I felt comfortable with very short visits, and how those went would determine when/if I felt comfortable with longer visits.
But if she is prideful and defensive and acts like she didn’t do shit wrong and you’re the bad guy?? Then, nah, she’s never getting those kids alone again. Ever.
So many people in here are Ok with and accepting of the fact that she told the kids not to tell. Extremely dishonest and pool accidents are no joke. Maybe it was less serious than an actual drowning, maybe not. But that’s not the point here. Absolutely ask her about it, and tell the kids that they were right for telling you because safety should never be a secret. Ever.
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Not overreacting at all! I agree on all points. Accidents happen. Lies are a choice. Safety should be a priority and truth should always be transparent. Her complete disregard for the seriousness of the incident, lack of respect for both parents, etc is completely unacceptable.
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The pedophile theory is a stretch, but I would be passed regarding the lie and nearly dying thing. Yeah.
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I would definitely sit down calmly with your parents and discuss it. They definitely should have informed you and I do not blame you for being upset. Explain why it’s a big deal to you and that you can’t trust them if thats how they act with incidences. They will either own up and apologize hopefully realizing their wrongdoing. Or make a big fuss about it and then you can go from there on how you want to go forward from there.
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Because they knew you would overreact. my daughter got her period and my mom didn’t tell. When my daughter told me they did want to tell me because they knew I would overreact I simply said y’all were right and attended to my daughter. Please stop putting perfections on others that we do not possess. I didn’t care that I was not told I care more that my daughter was okay.
I mean yes I think they should have told you and no one should be telling your kids not to tell you something. However we have people watch our kids so if something happens someone is there, and she did her job and saved him. He is a kid doing kid things, that’s why someone is watching them. To expect someone to watch your kid and something never, as if your kid just stops being a kid when anyone else watching him, is absolutely ridiculous.
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I don’t think you were overreacting, I would be so very mad. I am mad enough that I found out my parents are giving my kids melatonin without telling me. It makes one of my kids throw up usually. But they give it to him every night when they go there without telling me. I believe as parents nothing really should be kept from us especially from other adults in their lives. You are mama you are always right. Go with your gut.
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I don’t think you were overreacting, I would be so very mad. I am mad enough that I found out my parents are giving my kids melatonin without telling me. It makes one of my kids throw up usually. But they give it to him every night when they go there without telling me. I believe as parents nothing really should be kept from us especially from other adults in their lives. You are mama you are always right. Go with your gut.
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You definitely have a right to be angry…straight up
Sheesh rap your kids in bubble rap too!!
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I think you need to ask your parents what happened. The keeping secrets is NOT okay and I think you need to have a serious conversation with them about it. Accidents happen but lying about them is a whole different issue
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Yeah… Them asking your kids to lie would be enough for me not to let my kids around them without me present
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Years ago my mother-in-law and father-in-law were watching our daughter over the weekend she came home with a bruise on her for head I said how did you get that she said grandpa Mac bumped me with his thumb and finger let me tell you mama bear came out and me I called him up told him off and said why wasn’t this ever mentioned to me when we picked her up to this day I’m still pissed and my daughter‘s 20
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My in laws use to tell my son to break the rules and “not tell mommy and daddy”. It made me very mad. We try to encourage good behavior and a positive relationship with honesty. I think you’re right. Especially over something like that. I’d have a discussion with in laws over expectations especially about encouraging your children to lie.
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You’re really taking this too far. Voice your concern and disappointment to them, but I wouldn’t cause a rift in the family over this. This won’t be your first nor last shoulda coulda woulda ordeals.
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I would feel exactly the same way as you do
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Oh hell no, I would never trust them again. Like how would I know if there’s actually an emergency, would they call me after my kid wasn’t breathing for five minutes?? And tell MY kids to LIE to me? Nope. Privileges revoked for as long as I feel comfortable. If she would have told you im the first place it would be different, but she LIED putting your child’s life at risk. Nope. Done.
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Struggling and drowning are 2 different things. She was present when HE jumped back in. It has been over a year so details like the stairs, probably is fuzzy. AND, she was there so taking the stairs to me indicates NOT drowning or real emergency. However, the key problem I have with all of this is asking the children NOT to tell you. BUT, children also assume or can take things literal. Grandma could of made an innocent comment like “your mom is going to ki ll me”. You need to specifically ask if grandma said “do not tell mom”.
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Nothing wrong with riding bike around campground
Bring it to their attention especially about lying about it
TBH you’re overreacting like wow no wonder they don’t tell you I wouldn’t either
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And just so you know them telling kids keep it secret is not and I repeat NOT encouraging pedophilia behavior and if you think it does then you are very sick
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Im a lifeguard and swim teacher and certain incidents can happen without negligence, but I feel like the cover up over it is really the negligence part.
Dry drowning is very rare but none of that matters, what matters is, I as a caregiver and granny would have told you.
Truthfully ABOVE everything else it’s important to teach children to recount and Verbalise memories and ideas etc so a “normal” caregiver will absolutely encourage children to tell their mums everything.
My grandkids don’t need reassuring as they, me and my daughter are open books but when I loom after other people’s children and they get hurt or suffer a “trauma” of any kind one of the things I always say is “don’t worry we will tell mummy and daddy when they pick you up what happened” and i know it makes them calmer knowing they will get the comfort they need.
I didn’t realise the WHY of why I did this until right now… I don’t want kids to have any secrets and best comfort always comes from a child’s mum and dad.
I would NEVER hurt my grandkids by doing anything negative to effect their psyche nor their safety bond with their parents 
Normal people would have told you, you have a right to feel how you feel 
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Was he struggling or drowning? She was right there and got him out.
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No one should ever tell a child not to tell something to their parents!!
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Omg I’m so glad your not my fucking mom
Cry me a river!
Bless your heart !
that is scary they should of told you about this. you take precautions.
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Talk to them. Keeping secrets isn’t cool but tbf, YOU embellished with words like “struggling”, not him. I have legit almost drowned & every adult jumped in. Nobody took stairs.
I wouldn’t be as hard on my parents as I would my child. They must understand it’s dangerous & they can’t be in the pool alone, ever. Under any circumstances.
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