You have to stop doing it let it be the pig sty they want start calling their friends over and when it’s a mess tell their friend this is how they like it tell the case worker to come more often and pretend to write note they will go to foster care and have to pay their way
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Where’s the father in this scenario? Perhaps you and the kids require a break from each other. And you’ve said you’ve gotten out of a domestic relationship: in truth so have your children. If you are not consistent in discipline children tend to take a mile instead of an inch. I read your caseworker said no physical discipline am I assuming you’ve had used spanking and such as your main disciple.
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No judgments. Keep your head up. I get it. Children will act out after/during changes; just keep being consistent and don’t give in anymore. You and the kids just went through and still are going through ALOT. I know, I know it sounds easier said than done. Family Therapy will help. Your caseworker can help with funding if you need. Be transparent with your caseworker, ask for more resources. I’m pretty certain she’ll be more than happy to help.
Sounds silly, but reason with them. Sit one on one. Explain that mommy is so tired and so stressed and sad when they do these things. Give examples and more importantly give them a solution. My 4 year old is smart, and this approach with him has done so much for me. I used to smack, and occasionally probably would still, but I haven’t had to since reasoning one on one.
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Take parenting classes. You don’t have the ability to say what you mean and mean what you say, that’s why you were in DV situation, you need help with the way you think. It’s not an insult, I assure you.
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Bag their stuff,hide it in garage, closet any place. If you pick it up they don’t get it back. No yelling, just give them one chance to pick up. Take away priveledges too.
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Make a rule and keep that rule. Seems like they are steam rolling you. You cleaned their room yesterday…let them know if everything isn’t put away IT GOES IN THE GARBAGE! Really just put it in a hiding spot/garage/attic. But keep to it. My daughter did the same thing to me and it was bc she could. I let her. I blame no one other than myself. Once one rule is “completed” and they know you mean business…it’s uphill from there. Hang in there!!! It will get better. Just stick to your rules.
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Throw their stuff out.
Make cleaning fun. Sit in their room whilst they’re straightening up. Make it a game. “Let’s see how many songs it takes for you to put your toys/books/clothes away”… Reward good/positive behavior, even if it’s just a “good job, I’m very proud of you for (whatever good behavior they exibited)”.
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I’m sorry but give them to me for one hour and you would see a change in them
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Yup give them one chance and then throw it away in front of them. No buying replacements. You can start with like one thing and then say okay I’ll give you this last chance clean up or I’m throwing the rest out. If they don’t clean it right then throw it all out.
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Make a chore chart. If they don’t complete their chores, they do not get any privileges. Privileges are anythinf that isn’t needed for them to survive, so electronics, including tv, playing with friends, going to aunties or grandmas, family outings, swimming/playing in water, ect.
When you discipline, make sure they are sitting in time out a minute for each year (5 yr old sits for 5 minutes, 8 yr old sits for 8). If time out prove to not work, try corporal punishments. Wall sits, planks, push ups, or run laps around your house.
If they can’t keep their rooms clean then allow them to have ONLY the necessaries (bed, dresser for clothes, a pillow, and one blanket).
Consistency is an absolute must! And I 100% agree with family counseling and individual counseling.
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Put their toys in time out if you have to pick it up. Explain to them that when they don’t listen then their toys/belongings are in time out. If they do a chore or behave the toy comes out of time out.
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I was a single parent with 3 children - The rule was if you take it out you need to put it back - If you can’t put stuff back it becomes mine - I did not give stuff back until they learned to put the stuff back - Yes they cried and threw a fit -
The 8 year old smearing poop sounds like he needs some kind of therapy
Thats not “normal” behavior and that may be part of his listening issues
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My 8 year old had a hard time cleaning his room I gave him 3 warnings 1 each month so a total of 3 months to totally clean his room at the end of the last month I stuck to what I said and cleared out his entire room only a bed and 1 weeks worth of clothes ( everything else was hidden at nanas) he started showing improvement and more responsibility. So each week he kept his end of the deal doing his chores and cleaning the room he got one bag back each good week. Now he’s on top of everything and it’s worked well for us
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Honestly would take out everything but their beds and dresser. Give them a small amount of toys.
As they learn to keep the few things they have tidy slowly add in a few things.
Poop situation. Make your child clean it. Don’t allow the TV on until your child cleans it.
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Garbage can-Toys do it right in front of them
Tell them if you have to clean it, it goes in the dumpster. Grab a trash bag and put all their favorite toys in it. Put this in your room or a safe place where you watch it, and give them one hour to clean their room or watch their toys get donated to goodwill.
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Have you tried a rewards system with them yet? Maybe for each task they accomplished they could have a reward from a basket you have… you could fill the basket with things your okay with them having (snacks they like, game time- coupons like 1 hour of Xbox time, etc). I want to try this with my little one when she gets older but haven’t tried it myself yet, but maybe it would be a fun way to get them wanting to do these things! 
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I have a very head-strong, stubborn 4 year old boy that won’t listen to me (but he does listen to his father). When he argues with me and refuses to clean his room when I tell him to, I get a big trashbag and tell him whatever’s on the floor is going in the trash. I usually only have to get the trashbag and threaten it before he’s running to clean up his room. It’s the only surefire way to get him to clean up since time outs or taking away electronics/screen time doesn’t work on him
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Oh hell no. That’s is so stupid. These kids need a belt on that ass!
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Are the children receiving any sort of therapy?
You mentioned a caseworker and the situation you left and no “physical discipline” allowed… children this age are usually not readily able to express big emotions? From the brief amount of information Im wondering if some sort of play/art therapy might be beneficial. Are they “acting out” in part due to frustrations, behaviors that were witnessed in the home with the ex?
I love the positive reward system and stay consistent. 
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Woop their butts. Dont leave a mark. Take control back
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Gentle parenting and following through. It will take time for them to understand and adjust but it is effective. Spanking/hitting our kids is so ingrained in many of us as the only form of structure and discipline, but it isnt. Take some classes, read some books, include them in the process.
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I would take everything away, no tv, no electronics, only learning toys and books until they can learn how to behave🤷🏼♀️
I would also say they have two times of me telling them to clean up before I go through with a trash bag and anything I pick up goes straight to the trash🤷🏼♀️
There are other punishments than physical discipline.
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Have you ever thought they arent sure how to act with all the changes and the dv theyve seen as such young children. They are also, children. What Im reading is that you spanked before and they listened, now that you dont physically punish them, they dont? So you left an abusive marriage and spanked them…it doesnt work.
They need you and your love. Make a place for EVERYTHING! Toys from their rooms, stay in their rooms, not in the livingroom/kitchen/or your room. Have some things in the livingroom for them-a coloring station, puzzles, books…thats livingroom play. Magnets in the kitchen so they can be in there when you are and play on the fridge or sheet pan with them.
There are ways. I have 4, 2 teens and 2 toddlers. Theres a place for everything as there are SIX of us in this house. Im a SAHM and I teach Montessori to the toddlers. They learn when they are done with something it goes back. They can ask for help cleaning up but they have to try first.
Sometimes messes are overwhelming for adults, imagine a kid standing in the middle of the tornado they created in their rooms. They dont know where to start. Get buckets and bins for EVERYTHING!
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when my kids used to not clean their room i literally put everything in trash bags and had them thinking i threw everything away for a couple days. when i felt like they earned things back i gave them back. all it took was 1 time
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Therapy for all of you would be a very good route
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Have you tried getting them therapy? The DV might have been towards you, but I can promise it affects them too. I acted out as a child when I’d see my dad hurt my mom, and I deal with it every day still.
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Show them and make them help you spend a short time on this each day
Make a schedule for chore work for both, give appropriate age chores. Praise and love should be all they need, eventually they will become proud of their accomplishment.
Tell them if they don’t clean it they’ll be taken away. I would take EVERYTHING away from them like electronics, etc. It sounds harsh but maybe they’ll listen to that. Or therapy. That might work too🤷🏻♀️
Get them in counseling!
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My daughter used to not listen when I told her to clean her room and remove all toys from any other area of the house. She refused so I to did time outs, no tv/ipad and such and still nothing. I then told her I would remove everything from her room except for bed/clothes/books/learning materials. She still refused so while she was at her Aunt’s house I removed everything except those items and after a month she could start earning it all back one by one but if she doesn’t listen/obey etc she loses it all again. I haven’t had a problem since. She hated not having her Barbie’s so it’s been a year now of AB honor roll, no attitude, doing all chores without asking etc.
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Take away everything they have. They can earn back stuff. Behavior should change fast…
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Have someone else whip their ass
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Take every single toy & electronic away from them except 1 reading book a piece, them make them work & earn thier toys back 1 at a time…if & when they start misbehaving again take thier stuff away again…dint give into them
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Tell them if they can’t look after their stuff it goes in the bin.
Wait til after bin day so it’s empty and follow through and chuck their stuff in the bin… then u have a week to decide to keep it in the bin or get it out.
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Start taking toys or phones/electronics away and tell them until they start listening and cleaning up they will start to get those items back. Stand your ground . We have a 17 year old girl, a 6 year old boy and a 2.5 year old boy . Hope it helps.
Get some parenting courses or personal counseling for them & you. The not listening is probably a side effect
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Look up Dr. Shivali. She has two books that will change your life and change the overall relationship you have with your children and the relationship you have with your self.
Give them each a jar with a couple of loonies in it, each time they listen and do a chore add one, and each time they don’t or do something bad take one away. At the end of a week take them to a store where they can spend it on whatever they choose. Insensitive instead of discipline and having money taken away a natural consequence for bad behaviour. Good luck 
Bro I fully agree that you should take EVERYTHING. Leave them ten outfits to wear and five books each and their beds. That’s it. Take everything and once they start to listen they can earn it back. It will be hard on everyone at first but they will eventually get it.
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I’d recommend therapy.
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Sounds like they learned the bad behavior from your ex. Put them in therapy.
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I removed every thing but they’re beds and put dressers in another room .they don’t want to listen a bed is all you need if they destroy that they can sleep on floor for a night .with my step son I made him clean the poop up . And if all else failes see a counselor with your children I also had to do that my boy from 2 to 7 was trying to kill both his sister’s .never could let him out of my site for a secound he has adhd my middle has bi polor it was hard I never let up though .now my kids are grown and I’m proud of them
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Make stuff a game and have rewards for it.
Also, therapy for all of you would probably be a good idea I’m kind of surprised the case worker didn’t suggest it. Even if he didn’t abuse the kids, they’ve been through just as much trauma.
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Counseling. And take everything from them. It is only required that you clothe, feed and shelter them. All they need is a bed. I did it to my daughter best believe she cleans her room now.
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Take away everything except books. My daughter lost everything butnher books for bad behaviour for almost 2 months, with no option to earn things back. She is a whole new kid with all new manners after that
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Take EVERYTHING out of their room except their mattress, pillow, & cover. Serve them whatever they dislike to eat. No snacks at all. DCS (here in TN) says you only have to offer food…not neccesarily what they want. No TV, electronics of any kind. Strict bootcamp style. They get their act together if they want ANYTHING!! NOTHING, NOT A DAMN THING! No birthday no Thanksgiving no Christmas.
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You probably all need to be in counseling. DV relationships are hard on the kids as well. Not sure what you did for dicipline but if you spanked them for discipline prior to the caseworker and now you cant, so your verbally diciplining and there is no fear on their side.
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My mother used to get a garbage bag out if we didn’t listen and clean up our toys. As soon as that bag came out we would quickly clean up. Very surprised DHS didn’t recommend getting counselling for the children… after going through trauma it can effect their behaviour big time x
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So you go in there and tell them ok well if you aren’t going to clean up after yourselves then I will and have them watch as you start putting their toys in trash bags bet they start helping really quick and once they are all cleaned let them know any time there are toys on their floors that you will be going in there with a trash bag to throw them away and do it or leave it in the bag put up in your room where they can’t get it and they can earn their things back one by one as they do good things like helping with the house and keeping their rooms cleaned
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You’re frustrated, have you tried being at their level for a few minutes through their eyes? Maybe take them outside and have a talk to see how they are feeling and what might be causing their angst. Maybe they are scared or confused. Kids can be crazy as they grow up and change into who they are. Maybe a heart to heart would help more than disciplining them. Obviously they need guidance, I’m not saying let them walk all over you. If the room is a mess, give a warning to clean it within an hour ( whatever works for you ) and calmly say if it isn’t done by a certain time, you will clean it, but take their things away for a week. They have to earn it back. Kids are way more acutely aware of what is happening, even at their tender ages. Sounds like they have had people in and out of their lives and they are lost
First of all, a big hug to you While I agree with minimal fun, you can’t take everything from them or you have no bargaining power. Punishment for kids can’t be open ended. You need an end date or it’s hopeless to them and why bother. Kids are like puppies. Rewards for good behavior. Be consistent. Post a chart to “earn” internet or phone or friend visit privileges. Vacuum gets you half hour of whatever. Unplug your modem unless you are using it. The trash bags is excellent but also give options to earn back. Yikes mamma you got your work cut out but you can do it
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If my kids didnt clean they watch the trash guy take the toys. I dont play take care of or lose it.
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I really think everyone would benefit from family counselling. And if they don’t want to tidy things up, give them a set time to do it and then if nothing has changed, get a black bag out. Tell them you’re going to donate any toys or clothes that you have to pick up, and go through with it if they think you’re lying. Kids don’t need mountains of toys and clothes, and they are old enough to put their things away. They will be fine with the bare minimum. Don’t give up, and don’t give in
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Have you ever tried incentive? When they do something correctly, give them something, just like you would get for doing a job. Give them time with yourself, or a small reward of some sort, an allowance, a game to play, helping to make some cookies, or pizza. Try thinking outside the damn discipline box. Being part of a cohesive family is the biggest reward. Talk to your children in between events that cause strife and find out what they’re into as children. Join them in some of it.
You need to take a step back & really evaluate the situation. Are they acting out because they need to talk with someone about the situation you were in? 
Just because you left doesn’t mean they still don’t have fears or emotions about that situation. You also need to do the same for yourself. Do you just yell all the time or do you actually sit down (no distractions) & listen to your children. Do they act out in fear or because they don’t understand what you are asking because you are giving them to many tasks in a very short amount of time & they are shutting down?? Physical discipline doesn’t work… it just teaches children that it’s ok to hit. Our daughter has a phase that nothing worked around age 5. I was so frustrated with the feeling the need to yell all the time to the point that I was losing my voice. One day, we were having a great day & she said something that changed my parenting all together… She said I always made her feel like she was getting an “F” so she quit trying. It honestly broke my heart. 
I knew I had to do something different. As we continued to talk, she told me that she didn’t like me to yell or get angry it’s just that she didn’t understand the task that I was asking her to do. She was mentally as frustrated as I was. So from then on, I would ask her to do something & together we would complete the task together a few times until she’d say “I’ll show you that I can do it by myself”. Life has been so much better (it’s been 2 years). Give yourself & your children time to adjust… you got this!!! 
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First, breathe Mama. Next, create a list of behavior expectations and RULES with consequences. Physical punishment is not necessary when it comes to discipline. I personally would take all electronics and get rid of them, unless they are used for school-they do not need them with that sort of behavior. If a phone is needed, you can set up a parental plan with your carrier. The phone will only make emergency calls when the time is up and you control who is added to phone and what it is used for-as it should be for children anyway. Third-take everything away except necessities. & finally, therapy. For all of you. Just as you are feeling broken, so are your children and time does not always heal wounds. They need an outlet. Stay calm and be strict with your new plan. You will get through it
Poop on walls? Therapy asap.
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I honestly just get a trash bag and starting throwing things away. If I have to ask more than 3 times trash bag is coming out! Also if you know someone who is a little more strict I would ask them to come help out. My aunts friend is a strict parent and she’s helped me a handful of times my son has adhd and behavioural problems. Always remember when they do something good praise the shit out of them give them ALL your attention!
Why do they still have stuff in their room that needs picked up? Pick that shit up and throw it away…easy…no one is cleaning it up again
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Poop on the wall? I would make him clean it up himself! He’s way too old to do something like that.
I’m so sorry you are having to deal with DFCS. It has got to be awful having a stranger tell you how to discipline your children. I have always thought that DFCS is a joke. Good luck to you
Sometimes we just have to cry a little to achieve our goals! Take their technology as well as tv and all and everything that would make them happy! Take their sugar fix and even their whole room! And have them earned everything back! The state needs you to provide a bed only and sheets it doesn’t say anything about them needing toys or any tv or anything! They don’t want to clean then you take everything! It will be hard for you also because they will make you suffer but remember that you can take it because otherwise you are just letting them do whatever! Be strong and hold on to your seat because they will make you suffer if you keep letting them get away with their tantrums!
I work for DHS…the children have suffered through the DV relationship as you have…it is very important for all of you to get therapy to address the trauma…children only have a few things they can control so being defiant & poop smearing is a few of those things. Sometimes physical discipline after a DV relationship will only enforce the aggressive behaviors…as they witnessed…you may say they were sleeping or in their room but they hear they feel the tension they see the aftermath so yes it affects them just as much…
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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My kids have not been listening to me and I am at a loss: Advice? - Mamas Uncut
Tell them you’re giving their toys to other boys and girls who will take care of them since they don’t want to do their part & clean up. Use black trash bags. And I would ask their aunt to load them up & haul em off. … for real. Once they start earning stuff again don’t back down on being consistent. You’re doing a disservice to the them if it continues to be swept under the rug. You can do this momma. Tough love but will make them better ppl in the long run. And they will learn to respect you.
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Sent them away for and while maybe the will be grateful to come back home after an experiment they dnt wanna be in.Its teach them an less between good home with everything and an place without 
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I personally don’t use physical or verbal discipline to correct my kids.
I do more emotional parenting.
Check out Byron Katie the work. It’s on YouTube or you can google it. It’s a free program with worksheets and even a 800 number to call with help with individual situations.
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Do you have resources around you to get in a Behavioral Therapist for them to work with you? An In-Home Family Therapist may be a good option as well. Not sure what your options are or if you have insurance to cover or help cover those things, but from experience, they helped our family, too! If possible get them each their own therapist, too, who they can trust and speak to about their feelings. No shame in therapy. It’s amazing the help it will being alone, never mind in addition to some of the above mentioned. Good luck!
I would call and see if they couldn’t give you a new worker. Tell them you and your worker are not seeing eye to eye and you need a case worker that will help you and not work against you.
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Well they are walking all over you. DCSF isnt helping your situation. They’ve created a s scenario where no one will want to deal with your kids. I am raising my grandson and he got given to me at 8 yrs old. Now at 14 he is a mess. Get them out of your life as soon as you can. I know how hard it is to want to just let them have their stuff because it keeps them occupied and not bothering you but that is a backfiring monster. They know the score. Kids are so intelligent. Not wise but intelligent. There actually isnt a law about spanking and they cant stop you. It’s a scare tactic for you.
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Take everything away and make them earn their things back as a parent like doctor Phill said the only thing we owe our children is a roof over their heads and food in their stomach everything else is extra. The problem with kids today is the lack of discipline and the over abundance of things that are given to them. Have your case worker who has all the answers spend a weekend with them.
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Maybe some therapy for all of you…
Truthfully I tried that with my oldest… It did no good.
Sometimes it’s devine intervention… Good luck… From a Mom of 4
Ask you councilor to step in again and draw up a paper that they have to sign . If they dont honor it all toys and electronics will be packed away until they change their ways. And get family counseling so the kids understand. Love and hugs and prayers
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I would leave it a mess so their case worker can see what little angels they are and what you’re up against. I would also tell them TV is a luxury and not a right and until they started doing their part there won’t be any. And as for electronics, they’re a luxury also , they would go to a relatives house. Out of sight out of mind! Oh and please don’t say they have phones! If so, those would be gone too! Or just cancel their subscriptions. If they’ve got favorite toys or games, those would be taken also. I would then tell them as soon as they are responsible and start helping they can earn their stuff back and not until. Let them tell on you.
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This is the problem today. Not allowed to disapline today’s children. So they respect Noone
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My dad used to do this thing called “making us Amish”. He took EVERYTHING out of our Rooms except for the furniture. All the toys. All the clothes… everything. He would lay out an outfit for us with a brush and one hair thing. He would also give us a book of his choice and we had to tell him a summary of it after 3 days. We got a list of chores and I’m pretty sure he took great joy in giving us prison food all week.
Never did that shit again.
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I think the ladies that suggest the garbage bag method and taking everything away until they earn it back is a great idea. My one concern is the boy smearing his poop on the wall. I know younger kids have done that, but I don’t think I have heard out of anger, and since you did come from a domestic violence situation, maybe some outside counseling may help. I know it can be expensive, but maybe there are resources available? The kids’ behavior does need to be handled, but I think adding in some counseling may help as well. Maybe they have feelings they need to express and don’t know how. Either way, I am happy you are out of that scary situation with your ex. I’m sorry you are struggling with your children and hope things work out. Good luck mama. 
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Take everything out of there rooms but there beds. They have to earn every single thing back. This is what a counselor told me to do. I raised 4 boys. It worked. If they wouldn’t clean there rooms. We did it again took a couple of times but they eventually got it.
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But for real id of handed the 8 year old a towel and some spray and locked the bathroom door until it was clean.
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Ground them from their room, no toys, no electronics, they can sleep on the couch, if they don’t wanna help in the kitchen peanut butter and jelly every night … it’s very legal and theyll get sick of that. As for the poop writting call nana or the aunt (not sure of your disability so it might be to hard) and they’re gonna stand there well he scrubs it and bleaches it. Fuck it what’s your address I’ll come put their ass in check
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Hold them accountable! I have a 6 & 9 yr old! They clean their room including making the bed the proper way! As well as vacuuming. They also take care of their bathroom (I do the major cleaning)! They both have a chore! If these things are not done they know that I will take phones, game controllers, & tv remotes with no warning! They lose it for one week! They stay on top of it! Even when friends are over they make sure their friends pick up after themselves
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Get some really big boxes and pack up their stuff. Leave them some toys. Not stuff that has a lot of parts. Take all barbies clothes away. Just the very minimum amount of stuff. Everyday they keep it cleaned up give them one toy back. If they don’t pick up, Back to square one, minimum.
I was a singel mom too. I worked full time I had tiney pad locks for the plugs on the TV, VCR, and computer.
I put up all the extra glasses, bowls, plates and silver ware. They had been hosting dishes in their rooms. Everyone was assigned their own bowl, glass ect. They learned to clean up and keep up with their stuff. They are grown and keep their house clean.
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I have no input because my son is only almost 4 yrs old. I think that I would have that 8yr old clean up any mess they make like that. Just my opinion. When I was that age I had so many chores to do. I didn’t have time to retaliate. So sorry mama
Become a minimalist and also throw away all broken toys and tell them that if stuff is not picked up it’s going bye bye in the trash and do it.
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Take everything out of their bedroom. Leave only bed/ dresser with clothes. They can earn it back. Declutter your house. Only what you absolutely need. Shop for groceries once weekly. Don’t over buy. No junk/comfort food. Be firm.
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I had 3 girls! When this became an issue all wants (games, TV, electronics, toys etc…) were taken away. They had a bed to sleep in, clothes in a closet & a desk to sit at to do work. UNTIL they earned their belongings back. If they proceeded to return to being non-compliant I handed them a 30 gallon trash bag & requested they put their belongings in it & I donated them or gave them away. They each experienced that 1 time each & from that point it wasn’t a problem.
You are required to provide needs not wants! If they can’t take care of things or respect that you/family are providing it for them they must not need it! js
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Dont forget to reward them when they do right! Use personal positive attention and love when hoes right at all.
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Take the things that matter to them 1 at a time. They get nothing back until they take care of things the way you know they can. Return 1 at a time, if they return to old ways, it all gets taken away. All at the same time.
Your obligated to put a roof over head, food in belly, & somewhere to sleep everything else would have to be earned. Strip the rooms to bare essentials.
& I swear not of he smeared shit on my walls there would be consequences!
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I’d personally be concerned that the 8 year old has some type of Autism. I have known several kids that get diagnosed on the spectrum with Autism at a later age. He needs an evaluation.
Dont cook, clean or wash their clothes. Clean only your plate & utensils. Do not buy any of their favorite snacks. It took only 9 days for my best friends kids to turn around!!
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You can hit with a open fist ( no close fist ) !!! And as long as you don’t leave any marks or bruises that’s how extreme aggression it’s good kids now and days think they can manipulate you with I’m calling the cops .
Have you thought about telling them to help keep the house clean or the social worker would take them away from you and put them in a foster home.
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Take all there toys away if they don’t pick them up and put them were they belong throw them away and the kitchen if they can’t clean up after using things lock the cabinets and give them 1 cup 1plate and a fork to use and that’s it they have to clean there own dishes and the food well don’t let them eat what they want if they can’t put things back lock it in your room or some place were they can’t get and make them clean up the mess if they don’t well they get nothing to eat but what you give them when your ready to cook. It’s going to be hard but if you take away what they like and not give it back until they work for it. They will learn it’s your way or no way I did this with my kids and it took a lot of them having fits but I didn’t give in let them cry they will STOP or you take more from them if your picking up toys throw them out And see how they like it don’t give in your the boss not the kids
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First, tell them 1 time if they don’t listen don’t threaten then. Simply get a garbage bag and put the stuff in it and don’t give it back! When they figure out you mean business you can let them earn things back.
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Sounds like they might need some counseling with all the changes they have had the last year.