My boyfriend for 3 years, the man I have a child with, and the guy I thought I was gonna marry just recently told me he was attracted to males. He said it was something he already knew before I first got pregnant with my first child and something he knew all along. I’m currently 4-months pregnant with our second child. He has completely shut us out of his life, occasionally showing up here and there, but yea… This situation happened in a matter of days. Last week we were just a happy family, living together and him telling me he loved me, saying we’ll be together forever. What do I do? How do I react? My heart is broken because the man I thought I was gonna be with forever, that picture got ripped away. My daughter is hurting. He’s away. He said he knew he was attracted to males, but he fully hasn’t got to know to what extent, as if he was interested in girls still or not. I know he has a lot to work on with himself, but I have a lot of stuff now I have to work on too. Please help. I need advice about my hurting heart.
Move on. Let.him be who he is. Come up with a co-parenting plan.
As hard as it sounds cut your losses and move on. Go
To court and do right by your children. It’s really not much different than a heterosexual guy. Only difference is you can’t trust him with men. Whether with a male or female it seems he’s no longer wanting a relationship with you
Focus on your daughter and yourself, let his problems be his, sounds like he has a lot to figure out, I know things are hard when you have a life plan and it just gets ripped out from under you, but you have a child you need to be strong for.
Tell him to call his boyfriend and get out
Naw. You need to just move on. Even if he was still into girls, I couldn’t be with a dude who likes dudes like that. No thanks
Accept him for who he is and focus on yourself and kids. That’s really all you can do, plus file for child support to help with income when you separate
Be happy you have two beautiful children, and co parent. I know it’s hard cause you love him, but I promise you will heal with time. I’m sorry you had to be the victim while he was fighting with who he really is, but it will be okay.
Leave. He’s already gone if he has shut you out. Don’t hang around hoping he’s going to say sorry I’m straight now
I have no advice but I have a family member this happened too they still live together in seperate bedrooms to the point one has a new partner in their bedroom all while the original couples three children live with them… It works for them as a family unit all together.
Unfortunately, this happens. Time will heal once you get over the shock. That’s all I got. 
I would have him move out. I know its must be heartbreaking for you. Let him figure his life out. In the mean time I would set boundaries. He chose to leave. He cannot come and go as he pleases. Set days to see your child. He cant leave and then the home life stay the same for him. This will be very confusing for your child if you let him do as he pleases with her time
Oh wow I am so sorry. I don’t even know what advice to give you, but my heart goes out to you. I can’t imagine what it feels like to have a bombshell like that dropped on you. Unfortunately the only thing you can do is try to co-parent with him, as long as he’s fit and he still puts the kid’s first. Also I don’t think it would hurt for you to maybe look into some counseling to help you and give you some tools to help you deal with this. I am so very sorry girl.
Just let him be you can co parent you will be okay take care
You don’t worry about nothing put your trust in God every thing happens for a reason God has better in store for you but you must believe he is the best
You’ll
Have to sit down with him and have a serious talk about how you wanna move on with things no matter how hard it is, you also are gonna have to let him have his space to figure this out, he might be attracted to both male and female. And your gonna need your space to figure out what your truly want also
It all started with you insisting on sticking a finger in his butt
Well it’s nothing you have done but you have to let him go to make his decision cause it’s not fair to you to stick around you guys can dins a away to be one friends and still coming parent cause he was honest with you and he didn’t cheat on you so I know your hurt but like I said he didn’t cheat …
Wow that would gross me out, not knowing if he had intercourse with men then slept with you. I’m so sorry, time to move on. I know your heart is hurting right now
I’m sorry he did this. He should’ve never gotten you pregnant or tried to form a life with you knowing he was into men. That is wrong and simply cold. Once you’re doing hurting, I’d suggest you both have a sit down and talk about how the future is going to go.
Accept he is gay and co-parent. Move on n build a good life 4 urself n ur children.
As hard as it may be, tell him you are there for him, tell him he can talk to you. If that’s all that’s been said you both really need to talk more about it… To come out like that would have been hard, but you both need to be mature about it…
Also tell his ass to hit the road.
Move on sister. Try and coparent. Hes probably staying away out of embarrassment
Have someone in fam who divorced bc he finally came to terms he was gay. Still a great dad to the kid. If ppl were more accepting to who ppl are and that includes ones sexuality it would make a world of difference.
Better to know now than after you’re married.
Y’all act like bisexual people don’t exist or something and aren’t capable of having families. Lmaoooo, he probably didn’t tell her because he knew how she would react. Sexuality is something that’s hard to deal with 
Wow so sorry for u and the kids
Why did he do this to u and have kids on top of that
I had this happen but my ex INSISTED he was still into me. I told him we could work through it together even telling him he could explore as long as he was honest with me and safe for BOTH of our sakes. Instead he started sleeping with strange men (and some damn near children) online. Sometimes to save your own heart and to keep yourself safe, you just have to let them go. It can be hard but let him figure it out on his own. My ex STILL tries to pretend to be straight and the three + years we tried to work it out he was so angry all the time that he beat me frequently, even after I birthed his son; going so far as to choke me with the baby in my arms. My suggestion would be to cut it off and let him figure it out.
There is nothing you can do if he is gay… accept it, move on. Wasnt meant to be. At least he is being honest…
Let him know he can come around. He is probably working through the fear that coming out will cost him everything. Let him know his daughter needs him. And that he can come around.
It’s going to be hard while u still love him but mayb in time. While u have healed u can be freinds and work on Co parenting your children xx
I can imagine this has been a long internal struggle for him too. I hope you can both move forward, without hate, and coparent those beautiful children.
This happened to a teacher of mine, but it took him 30 years to come clean. I say be happy you know before you become even more invested in this. Life will go on…
He has to figure his self out but do not allow him to do so with you… I think it’s time you move on you can be happy with someone else and he can be happy with someone as well. In the long run who know maybe ya will end up being the best of friends… BUT for now start planning DIVORCE don’t be a fool also protect your self if you still planning on having sex me personally I wouldn’t… but yea it hurts but it is what it is life goes on support him but in the process don’t get hurt this means put your feelings to the side and start looking for your forever further husband cause it’s definitely not him…
He’s still the father, make a co parenting plan and support each other
Better that he is honest with you now than you finding out later on. Would you rather he not be honest with you then be in a relationship in which he is not happy with. Don’t hate him and it’s not your fault it’s sometimes how things happen. You are carrying his child and have a child already to him. Talk to him about how you feel and he was honest with you. You can still have a family and include him in your life every day. The problem are your family and friends and what they think and if they are great support then they will help you. You will have people who are disgusting how could he. But at the end of the day you are a mum and he is the father of your 2 children. It must be hard to deal with what he has said to you, but he was being honest even though it may hurt. Don’t crucify him you are still a family.
My advice would be to focus on your family and let him figure his things out. My boyfriend is interested in both male and females. Mine just figured out before starting a family that he was more interested in girls. Just because he’s always known doesn’t mean A) he was always comfortable coming to terms with it. b) it takes time to accept who you are. C) never thought you weren’t attractive or loved you but is now exploring his other side. Be supportive even if it hurts he feels guilty. Don’t just up and leave.
Talk to him. Find out how he really feels and what is going on. Figure out how you feel and then work from there. Let.him know his kids need him.
- Get tested make sure you didn’t catch anything if he was testing in men or lady pond. Don’t know what else he hid from you.
- Hang in there and focus on your babies. They will need you more.
- With time things will get easier and you will find someone who loves you.
Hugs!
You deserve better. Join a support group or talk to the people who has always been there for you. Keep him a great distance away from you and your daughter. It is just a hole in the road of life. Fill that hole in and move on. Not all men are bad. Just take care of your daughter. She needs you.
Sometimes people are afraid to come out… there is nothing yoy can do but support him. It pelrobley wasn’t easy for him to come talk to you about it and tell you how he feels. He was honest with you and that’s a good thing. This can’t be easy for him and maybe he is staying away cause like you are hurting so is he. He has probley been struggling with this from the start. You can be amazing Co parents and friends.
Tell him he needs to step out. Go to his man as fast as he can.
I think you should try to be as understanding as you can be I guess. It’s something he’s know but just now able to come to terms with and speak about. I would explain to him that he could do what he wanted or needed to but whatever his sexual preference is. He is still a father! That you expect him to continue to be the father he has always been just not with you. And if he can’t I would tell him you can’t put your guys life on hold because he’s just wanting to start a different stage of his.
Maybe you should offer your understanding, but ask that he is there for the kids at least. Eventually you two can become very good friends and co-parent beautifully. I wish that for you, anyways, it isn’t totally impossible! Good luck 
Some of you are really homophobic and it shows 
I envy the truly happy couples out there. I can’t imagine. It’s not your fault. Your truth was his living lie, he should feel guilty. He should feel like he is a loser to his children. Seems he is just escaping responsibilities and his promises.
You dont want a man that would leave you to do it all on your own. He did, he left. You love him, but you don’t want him sis.
I’m so sorry. I think you just need to let him go and figure things out, as heartbreaking as it may be. Hopefully you both will be able to co-parent in the future.
He’s sorry💯
He waits till your pregnant for the second time.he knew he liked men.go get tested
Just be there the best you can for your daughter and that unborn baby. I know you’re hurting, but you’re daughter may not understand what’s going on just that her daddy isn’t there. Be there for her and take care of yourself
i would express my feelings with him and let him know that’s where i’m at with it but at the same time be supportive of HIM. let him know i still want him in our children’s life. he’s still there father and even though he may need to explore other options i’d want him to know id be there for him 100%
(now this is what i would do. it may not work for everyone. but me personally this is how i’d go about it.)
You was brainwashed now find. A real man
This is a Law and Order episode.
This is sad, it’s harder for a man to come out and fully be himself. 
some of y’all are hateful. Keep pushing forward with your life. Ask him, what he wants to do. But don’t be mean.
I can’t tell you all how many married men and men who are in a committed heterosexual relationship end up commit suicide due to the fact they can’t/don’t have the courage or support to tell their spouse that they are gay/bisexual. He is NOT selfish in the slightest. I understand you have a family, and even another on the way and that’s a big life change. But to a guy, something like this is not only embarrassing to admit, but something they have to come to terms with. If he where to stay in your home as usual whilst trying to work this out, he could become recluse, depressed as he may feel he needed to suppress the feeling to make you happy. He is simply sorting his head out. Going from one child to 2 is really stressful, for everyone both yourself and your boyfriend. I know you need support right now, and your daughter needs a Daddy. But maybe in your boyfriends mind, taking some time to really place things properly in his head may be his way of making sure he continues to be the best daddy and husband to be that he can. Support him. You don’t want to loose this guy because you couldn’t support what he found attractive. We are only humans, we mess up, we try and sort things the way we think is best. Don’t make him a statistic 
support him and he will support you right back
Girl, you don’t want this guy to give you something that you won’t ever be able to get rid of, a disease. Let him go and be friends for your babies.
He should have experienced that man on man before u got with him to see if hes pansexual, bi or just gay. But most think after their partner leaves them for the same sex partner that they weren’t man or woman enough to keep them straight. Dont think that it’s not your fault, he is curious is all and he will soon find out what hes into . U as a ex and a parent should only deal with co parenting with this man . U cant make him come back and cant change the way he feels . The child is the only thing that should matter now .
I’m really sry he couldn’t be honest with you or himself and now Children are involved. My sister was married, got pregnant then he left her and came out that he was gay. She was hurt, but over time they got close again developed a friendship and coparented my nephew. I hope you can find the same peace she did
The first thing I want to say is I’m so sorry for your loss, hurt, confusion and everything you are feeling and grieving.
He is still capable of being a great father. Don’t take that away from him for sure. It had to have taken a lot for him to tell you and he’s probably embarrassed and confused and all kinds of things too. How this moves forward is tremendously based on your reaction. Try to be understanding and open to understanding what you don’t or can’t understand right now. I don’t think he’s right for this. My heart breaks for you… I cannot imagine being told that.
Also, remember this doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you or care for you.
I’m so freaking sorry that happened to you… I don’t know what advice to give you, except that definitely go to counseling. This is a hard one… I guess you are going to have to decide if you want to coparent successfully or not. I think he is a freaking coward. He damn well knew he was attracted to men. Its going to be hard to get past this … this doesn’t in any way reflect on you.
God bless You and the kids . Im sorry he is so selfish . You will do ok sweetie. Your true prince is out there. When you least expect it ,hell show up. God bless.
Maybe hes bisexual … you need to support and communicate with him without being so judgemental… there are ways to work around if he is and wants to peruse a sexual relationship with a male like swinging , open relationships or other things similar that way he has the best of both worlds just as if you were a bi sexual female and wanted both … but for god sake please dont listen to these woman about any court or custody stuff either way he has right to the children but he does need to be held accountable and cant just run away.
I have no idea what you’re going through really but you should watch Grace and Frankie on Netflix!! Such a good show and it might help you some. Seriously.
You don’t have to support him just because he likes men. You can be as angry as youd be if it was another woman he wanted . If hes ignoring his daughter aswel then fuck it. Just do what’s best for you an d your family. Dont worry about him for now.
Maybe hes trying to find a nice way to leave her and has a new girlfriend, time will tell
Support him. Build a solid friendship with him and let him know you don’t hate him for the things he didn’t choose. Raise your kids as friends and let them know daily that they’re loved.
Well I mean in a way I’d rather be left for a man rather than another woman. You can’t compete with this! He should however still be a part of his children’s lives.
You have to pray for him to find his way & pray for god to keep you & you’re kids under his healing I promise you’ll find you’re answer in broken times when you talk to god you can’t force someone to be there especially if their confused .
He doesn’t like chicks he likes Dicks… Not much you can do but support him and try and move on…
FIRST THINGS FIRST GO GET TESTED. Then it’s time to sit and have an adult conversation. Girl I get it. He deceived you. Decided to go forth and make a family, when he knew what was up. He was WRONG for the deception but not wrong to like what he likes. He should have been honest from the jump
Half of the people being hateful on this are probably the same people that congratulated Philip Schofield 
People find it easier to hide because they are afrais of the reactions or family, friends… Even complete strangers.
Its a harsh reality but unfortunately it is exactly that, a reality. He probably is being honest about loving you, but not in the way you want him to… You are the mother of his children. He has a lot to figure out right now, as do you.
I am sorry this happened to you, I really am… You need to now focus on you and your happiness, it will come in time
As long as he plan to remain a father and be financially supportive, I personally would distant myself and let it fly. He was not your husband so in time this too will pass as you meet better men.
On the bright side at least you know it isn’t anything you could have done differently to change things, it was simply out of your control from the beginning. I’d rather this then be left for another woman. This way at least you get to keep his friendship and you are now free to find mutual attraction
I’m confused…since when does being gay mean you can ditch your family?! Yes, support him on his journey, but how can you possibly support a man that isn’t even in the picture. It makes me so sad that he is struggling, and I’m glad he is finally accepting himself, but he is still a FATHER. The is the most important thing here. You can’t just leave your children behind to “find yourself.” He can still be a parent. I am so sorry you are going through this. This is just so tough on everyone, especially your daughter. If he won’t be around for your children, I don’t see why you wouldn’t get full custody. I would give him a couple weeks, and then tell him he needs to shit or get off of the pot. You can’t just pick and choose when you will be a parent.
I say have the best of both worlds, have an open marriage. Stay married, be friends, but have an open marriage until you can decide what works best for you. This way it gives you time to work on yourself, have a built-in babysitter and you have someone to help raise your kids. I’m not sure what kind of support system you have in place, but with a new baby on the way, you are going to need help. Don’t let him get away with not being accountable for raising the children. He can like men all he wants but he needs to be there to help take care of the children. Absolutely do not let him off the hook. Make him stay at home while you go get pampered, go to school, go on a date, or what ever it is you please. Make an exit plan. It might take you 1 yr, 3 yrs, but make a plan to setup yourself up for success. In you statement you said he knew he liked men before you the first pregnancy. This was an extremely selfish act and now it’s your turn to be selfish. If you don’t have a degree or some kind of career, GET ONE!!!
Doing what’s right for the children falls on both of you.In the matters of the heart, you do you and let him do himslef,but dont wait around for anything girl.we all deserve true happiness,go out and find it.Good luck!
At least he told you. Alot of people don’t come out and try to hide it by getting the family and spouse as a cover cause they felt ashamed. I hope you guys can work through it.
Sounds like you where used as incubator. He got what he wanted and know decides to tell you he’s been playing the wrong field. I would get a big ass dildo and say let’s play, you can do anything a man can do regarding gay sex. Learn how to milk his prostate. Sounds gross but maybe he just needs butt play. I would get tested for stds in the mean time and I would drug test him alot of men start having sex with other men on methamphetamines. I do not have a problem with people being gay, be he seems to have been living a double life.
Support him be a listening ear not a battle. Let him figure out him but understand hes still a dad
Whether he’s into men or not he has a family to care for seems like a cowards way out
Brianna Reinke…that was a beautiful, heartfelt ,sensible response. Much nicer than I feel right now reading this. Yes, I do feel this needs to marinate for a bit before response can be rendered.
Smile be nice and let him go. I would never be with someone as a partner after they told me he likes men just be friends move on it gets better you’ll see.
Live your life. File for child support and be a single mom. You can’t change him. And You don’t need him. I know you are hurting. But it’s time to focus on you and your family. If he knew all along he shouldn’t have created a family with you to begin with. Why does this remind me of the first season of 9-1-1? You will find someone who loves you and your children. Be patient and do you!
Well wait. Does he like only men or both?
Does that change how you feel?
Oh Hunny! Comfort your baby and conquer the world with your babies <3 Yous deserve the best… Never forget it !
This could turn into a beautiful friendship one day. Something similar happened to my friend and her ex is now the ( fairy) godfather to get kids from her second husband.
For me, id treat it the same as any other break up. Being gay or bisexual really means nothing when it comes down to how it should be handle. Tell him to move out, even to a separate bedroom if finances arent there for a new household and proceed as roommates. Make a child care plan out with him, giving you both days/nights to go out and destress while the other cares for the children. Make a list of who is gonna be responsible for which expense. Most importantly, remain civil. The kids are the most important thing. You dont have to be besties, but try to be cordial.
Very sad… extremely sorry for your situation. My prayers with you and your daughter.
He waited all this time to tell you this. He know before you even got pregnant with the first baby. He’s selfish because he was supposed to be open about it all from the beginning. Sorry hon. All the best to you n please confirm the baby. Stay strong
Remain friends, IF you can live as room mates I would do that. Maybe he wasn’t sure before about being Gay but I am sure he does love you and your child. Just differently. If Not room mates, then he does need to go elsewhere. Try not to judge him. My husband had 6 affairs with women. That is threatening to self esteem. You are strong and will get through this.
I’m sorry but I’d be pissed! How unfair to you and your children 
. That was selfish of him to create a family with you and the come out after the fact. He should have given you the right to choose whether or not you wanted to be with a gay/bisexual man. SMH!
I suggest therapy for you and your kids. This is tough!
I’m sorry this happened 
as the daughter of a mother who decided five kids later she wasn’t into men or being a mom…I don’t know how to help in a partner situation but I can say for the kids it will get better
His shutting you out isnt okay. that is a huge sign for you to move on. He can be into whatever he wants and still love you, but he is making it known that he isnt where he wants to be anymore by checking out. Poor kids and you. You deserve better.
I’d be kind of pissed to be honest. Especially if he knew before and still let me fall in love with him anyway. & him shutting you out? That’s just crazy. I’m sorry you’re going through this. This is tough I’m not sure what kind of advice to give, lol.
While I know and understand that you’re hurting, as I have somewhat been there myself… hug him.and let him know that you will be there to help him and support him. At least he was open to you and didn’t go behind your back. That would hurt far worse, trust me. Sometimes, we go through things in finding and figuring out who we are and some of us struggle with our acceptance of ourselves. He may be torn as well and he trusted and though of you enough and came to you with it. He may be scarce because of rejection. It’s a tough situation being rejected when you’re trying to accept yourself. Life is short and love him for who he is and TRY to maintain that friendship so your kids will be able to know that there’s love all the way around them. I wish you the best of luck and if you need a listening ear, you can message me without judgment 
Yeaaaah you’re boyfriend is pathetic.
Either it’s a problem or it’s not. For me, it’s not 
Just because he’s into men doesn’t mean he’s cheating on you with one
How is daughter hurting?
He can still be dad and bi/gay. You may have to come to terms with his sexual orientation- he’s wrong for withholding g that information fro
You so you could’ve made an informed decision.
This is really tough, because he’s entitled to discover his sexuality but you’re dealing with a painful loss. I would find out where you stand/if he’s bi, then there’s no problem. If he’s gay then there’s nothing you can do. It’s sad, but it’s as sad as any other sudden break-up, his sexuality doesn’t make it better or worse. Many relationships end that way, going from saying “I love you,” and being happy one week to finding out it was a lie and losing everything the next. It’ll be painful for a long time, and you’ll have a hard time learning to trust again, but you will and things will get better. At least he can still be a father to your daughter.
My sister was married to a man who came out after they were divorced and planning on remarrying each other. Thankfully they didn’t have any children together. She was messed up for awhile but now nearly 30 years later they are the best of friends. If he is confused, set him free so he can figure it out. Hopefully yall can co parent those babies together and show them there is more than one way to be a family.