My Marriage Is Very One-Sided and My Husband Never Supports or Spends Time with Me: Advice?

Leave him. That is called alienation of affection. For u both.

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ignore him dont offer anything dont even make him dinner make enough for you and the child and if the left overs get cold then woe is him. most men will notice if you stop catering to them especially food wise

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You are raising two children not one. Put your fut down. Tell him to be a man and start being responsible, or he can leave.

Stop cooking dinner and doing his laundry. When he realises you stopped helping him he will have to step up and help. I did this with my husband and it worked wonders also let the internet bill go get a new debit card and just let it be canceled

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You’re doing it all alone. Get rid of the dead weight.

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Get counseling little Momma. We want the Best for Baby and You! :two_hearts:

You are NOT overreacting. You are a single parent in a marriage. That’s not what you signed up for when you said your vows.

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Do you want to be with someone who spends more time playing video games than interacting with his son?

Demand counseling and if he says no then contact a attorney and file for divorce. Do it before your business opens or he’ll end up with half of it.

Personally I tell him to move now. Maybe he change. I did it before.

You are not overreacting lovely lady.
What advice would you give to a friend going through this?
You are a single mum already.
Love should be both ways!
The question you need to ask him is does he love you enough to change those habbits and contribute to parenting, household tasks, supporting you with your business and been available.
Ask yourself how long can you carry on like this? Be kind to yourself, love yourself and respect yourself enough to stand up for yourself and express your needs!!
All the best.
If he truly loves you he will change his habbits, he won’t know how you feel until you make yourself clear!

Girl, you got yourself a lil bitch!!! Toss him to the curve

No. File for divorce. Get a good attorney. Get out…youre with a child.

life is what YOU make it

Tell him peace! You can find a better love! In yourself first and then maybe another person… he obviously doesn’t love you or he would want more of your life!

“but I love him” and clearly he doesn’t love you. Get out and cut the shit.

When I had problems with my s.o i told him if he wants to act like a roommate he can sleep in another room, make his own food, and ima do me. He changed real quick

Get rid of him now stop wasting your time he is a dead beat

I am going through this to and we are working on it but we work on it 43387643 times before and nothing ever changes so I am not holding my breath this time. You are not alone. :heart::pray::pray::pray::pray::pray::pray:

I’d leave him. He wont know how good he’s got it till your gone. Focus on your child and your business. He’ll come crawling back once he realizes what he’s lost

Gaming addiction is very common. He can’t be there for you until his addiction is treated.

I left my ex who was just like this man. Run sister and dont look back.

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You’ll be making your own money, separate for a time and see what happens. You’ve been doing it all alone, well here’s a chance to be independent and strong.

What is it about him that you love? There isn much there

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He isn’t a husband he is just like another child to you. My bff went through this. She up and left finally. I think maybe get rid of the video games then start marriage counseling . If he won’t agree to go to counseling then it’s time for you leave. If you’re doing it by yourself now then going on without him isn’t gonna matter cuz you know you can do it it will just make you less stressed without him… Good Luck

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Try one .ore time and talk to to him. Tell him you feel unsupported at home and when your accomplishments. Tell him that you want to grow closer and bot farther apart and fear that you both don’t make time to be together and make that a priority you don’t see how this marriage will continue. Unfortunately he is taking the easy way out of parenting and the marriage and thats not ok. See if he would be open to date night and rotating evening of caring for the children and chores.

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This post makes no sense!

I would never marry a mature man that plays video games! If I were you - I would freaking break his video games. He will never change until he realizes he will lose you. Get independent, pursue your dreams!!! You can do it!!! He may only change when he sees how independent you are. And stop hanging with your mom too much - he will use it against you.

Omg it sounds like we married the same man. And we are on the verge of divorce. The good thing for you is you have your own business and can make a life for yourself! I would leave if I were in your position but it’s easier said than done. I’m still in mine…miserable as ever.

Once you get your business up and running leave. It sounds like you are doing it on your own anyway, and if he doesnt have time for you, and wont try, then cut the dead weight.

Its one sided. Your the only one putting in effort and if u decide to stay for say a few more years u in that time will grow to resent him. Ur child will see how u guys are with eachother. You will have wasted all that time alone and unhappy. People are unhappy in marriages all the time honey. If hes not lsitening and ur trying you hardest to make it work in the end I have to do whats best for u and ur son. If I decided to pull the plug on ur marriiage now it may be alot better for u guys as parents cause u wouldnt hate him so much.

My husband does the same thing so I know where ur coming from. Iv put my foot down about the gaming because I’m tired of doing it on my own. I married him and their his kids too. I let him play a few games a night but he has 2 get up as soon as I need him. I dont give a shit about who hes playing with or why because they are not there 2 help with the kids all day. I get up with my oldest and put her on the bus I work at night so I have 2 sleep during the day which doesnt happen very often. I still get up with my twins and do housework on my days off. They are teething so they are also up all night. Anyway I got pretty tired after about 2 months of no sleep I started being a bitch until I got the help. It worked

You say you want quality time. Have you tried learning the games he likes to play and seems to enjoy doing? If he doesnt want you to , thats a different story. But marriage goes bothways. You want him to do things you like but do you do things he enjoys doing ?

He’s emotionally absent. Doesn’t get better. Been there.

You need to sit him down and be 100% honest. He’s acting like you two aren’t one, and he should be. It needs to change, or you’ll have to leave - I’m 100% for saving marriages. But BOTH have to work for it. So if he won’t, he has then clearly made the choice to NOT love you, to NOT be a husband. And that won’t change.

But you have to be honest with him and give him a chance. You’ve told him once, yes, but there’s a difference when you tell someone you’re at a point of leaving over it. That needs to be made known before you up and do it. Sometimes, partners are /clueless/ - not just men, but us women as well - and a straight up, no joking, “This needs to change or I’m leaving, as I’ve told you already, and you didn’t take it seriously.” will make them realize they’ve fucked up. He gets the ultimatum. Let him know you’re not okay with that behavior. If he’s willing to work on it, to save your marriage, give him time to work on it with you. Go to counseling. Take marriage classes. Do what is necessary. And you may be surprised - I know PLENTY of happy, healthy marriages, which were once on the brink of divorce but they started being brutally honest with each other, as it should be, and both made huge efforts to fix what was broken and they’re 200x stronger now.

Tell him you’re upset to the point of wanting to leave. That SOMETHING has to change or you’re gone. If he still doesn’t do what he needs to as a husband? Support you, love you, work with you? Then for your own sanity and wellbeing, I think at that point, you’ll need to leave. You’ll have done everything you could.

Its about not having regrets. Make sure you do everything you need to, to not regret your decision. And by giving him an ultimatum, and letting him decide if he should fight for the marriage, since you already have been, I think you’ll be able to work out most of your possible regrets.

Note that all but one replies were female.

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Sounds like he never grew the fuck up. Kick him out and give him the reality check he deserves.

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Bye Felicia… or Frank kick his ass out.

Get counseling for yourself and start your exit strategy. It doesn’t have to be ugly just put yourself and your baby first.

Girl, I’ve been there. LEAVE his sorry ass

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Depression? Surprised I didn’t see anyone else say it. Not a reason to stay with him bc it isn’t your battle to fight but he could be depressed. So depressed he can only do the bare minimum to get by.

Or ya what everyone else said! Definitely get counseling and if that doesn’t won’t then you need to leave.

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Its kind of hard to take sides here without hearing the other side, his side. There has to be some kind of reason. Or u did something for him to act like this. Or maybe hes angry about the money u put into ur business. Maybe he didnt want u doing that. Well get some therapy for both of u as a couple. If that don’t work, then u need to separate. Who knows he may have someone on the side. Find out. Atleast u have ur own business and will be making ur own money and get on ur own feet. And it sounds like u have a mom that supports u. So u are all good to go.

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Even if you don’t decide on the marriage make your you split assets ASAP. He’s a leech. I had the same exact thing and ended up with nothing because I didn’t want to argue. He was explosive and it was either his way, or the high way. He was a man child that was jealous of my success. 3 years later and it’s not perfect but I can say my dream for my life survived.

Oh, he hears you. Don’t mistake that for him not listening. He heard you time and time again. He doesn’t care. :pensive:

I think you’ve been doing this on your own and show ambition to do great things and he’s brining you down. You deserve the love you try to give everyone else. You love him sure, how can you not its your sons daddy. Your husband. Where their is smoke their is fire but not when someone’s pouring water on it from the otherside and blatantly disregarding you as a whole. You’re not NOTHING. It’s emotional abuse IMO just in a diffrent form of what everyone thinks it looks like as a whole. You deserve better and your son won’t become it if he isn’t raised around it.

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No your not over reacting. I was just like you trying to hold the world on my shoulders. So my husband could come home and relax but it became to much. I know we fear rocking the boat but hunnie ya gotta rock it and talk to him and he don’t have to talk back but he’s gonna listen. My son was addicted to his Xbox so one day I got a luggage lock and clipped it into the outlet plug so that tell him you listen to me you get the key.

You are his wife not his mother. You can love him but not put up with this. Sounds like He has checked out emotional, physical and financial. Go girl on your business. Make your dream come true with or without him. Marriage is a 2 way emotional support

If he told u your business is all yours than make sure it is have your own checking account & DONT USE ANY OF THAT MONEY FOR ANYTHING that has to do with the household items or bills & what ever you do dont put his name on a Dam thing use all his money to run the house & buy things for your child

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Would be a shame for that game console to go into hiding…

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So sorry to hear about your situation :confused: I’m sure you are left with a lot of heartache as you lay down for bed and a horrible feeling in your stomach. I’ve been there before with my fiancée not seeming to care or wanting to spend time with me. I constantly asked myself the same question, “am I overreacting? Am I just being too needy?” But the truth of the matter is you are NOT overreacting. What you feel matters and you deserve to be heard. What you want is what you should receive. I can’t even imagine the stress and frustration you must feel trying to do all of this alone. Opening a business should be exciting and you should be congratulated for all of your hard work. It’s so easy for people to tell you to just walk away and file that divorce. But those people haven’t experienced the good times with him that you have, they didn’t feel their stomach hurt from laughing too hard after an inside joke was told, or the way your heart fluttered on your wedding day.
You’ll know when you’ve had enough and are tired of hearing yourself ask for decency. I hope things turn around for you and this was just a challenging time during your marriage. If this is the end of the road for your marriage then find your strength to fix your crown and to keep going. You might find a huge weight has been lifted off of your shoulders. New beginnings can be scary but you might like your new chapter better. Stay strong and don’t give up❤️
My inbox is always open and always remains confidential.

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I would pack his stuff and tell him it is time to leave. If he can’t find time in his “busy” schedule for you or your baby then tell him to go. Either he will realize he is being and ass or he’s not. You are not required to be lonely or do it alone when you are supposed to have a partner. Either he gets with the program or divorce. Been there done that. Never again will I feel alone when I have someone next to me.

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im going to through out an alternate point of view…after I had ky daughter my husband disappeared for hours at a time outside just walking around. I wpuld ask him to do something and if he did do it it was only after begging for days at times. I had just had a csection and wasnt dealing very well with my own PPD and then was missing signs that he was going through a VERY similar thing himself with NO help just like me.

If he is having some mental health issues him leaving isnt going to fix it. If he’ll talk to you ask him whats going on because hes distant and start from there🤷🏻

Im not saying thats 100% whats going on, im just saying this could be a possibility. They go through changes just like we do after a baby is born.

Sounds like your husband is suffering from a mental illness such as major depressive disorder, amongst other things. He needs to seek help or to break free from the redundancy of work n home.

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Dump him he sounds like garbage. You deserve someone that cares and wants to be devoted to you 100%.

I read an article along these lines just the other day … people play games to win and it’s a false sense of accomplishment when they do because they are not truly successful in their real lives :sob:

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You’re not overreacting. If he loved you he would care about how you feel. It might just be time to walk away. You’ve told him time and time again how you feel and it seems like he just doesn’t care. If you don’t want to give up just yet suggest marriage counseling as a last resort. If he won’t go or it doesn’t work, I’d walk away.

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Wake up everyday thankful for the opportunities God has given you. The blessing of your child is for you. You don’t need your husband to validate your womanhood nor your motherhood. Devote yourself to joy and refuse to be moved by anything anyone else does. Find joy in doing the right thing and expecting nothing back in return(even if you do deserve it). Enjoy your very own hobbies, sing songs and paint w baby! Go for a walk and play your favorite songs w baby, cuddle and watch a movie w your baby. Give him the sense that it’s you and the baby and he’s the left behind one. In the meantime pray for and with him. Use the faith you have to overcome this obstacle in your life. Your husband is human not God. Lower your expectations(even reasonably ones) and up your love :heart: sometime you gotta fake it to make it! Tell him you’re thankful for him when he takes the trash out. Give him lots of affirmation and he will get that sense of completion from you. Maybe he feels worthless and being upset with him will just put him in a deeper hole! You’re his partner too, don’t do it for him but let him know he’s not alone in his battles​:heart:

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Might as well be single… Don’t wait till you are bitter and too angry to leave. You got this!

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this 3 part series

There are some men who are unable to be with their wives or S.O. after they give birth. They are unable to see them as their mates, only as a mother. They see them on the same level as their own mothers. I know of two people who went thru this. Both couples went to counseling but both ended in divorce. I don’t get it myself other than to say there are some big azz man babies out there in this world who are addicted to their electronics.

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Do you spend time with him though?

Of you are already doing it alone… do it alone. Less haggle and stress. Trust me.

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Once I read plays video games I stopped there! :woman_facepalming:t2:
Leave and don’t look back!!!

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I had a husband like that. We are now happily divorced. You can’t make someone change :woman_shrugging:t2:

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My husband and I are both hardcore gamers it can quickly become an addition with that said maybe marriage counseling could help I wouldn’t say just leave I’d try to work it out since he’s a good father but obviously after so long I’d throw in the towel also the beta for cold war is out it’s time limited so maybe that’s why he’s spending so much time on the game

Wow ! Times have changed . And I am very impressed.

Not worth it if he isn’t putting forth ANY effort at all. I would leave if he doesn’t change. He is showing he doesn’t care

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I went through a similar situation with an ex and my ex-husband so I understand completely. If he was always like this, lazy, didn’t want to do fun things, made you do everything, didn’t want to spend much time with you, then that’s probably just his personality and who he is as a person. If he’s never been very interested in spending much time with your son or doing things with him, that’s probably how he is as a father, if so you’re not going to change him no matter what you do. If he’s changed from who he used to be then you need to find out what’s going on and why he changed but from the sounds of it this is how he’s always been. You probably knew he was like this when you married him and married him anyway, no judgment, maybe he was your first love and you accepted him for who he was or maybe you weren’t together for very long and were still in the honeymoon phase so maybe he wasn’t quite as bad or whatever the reason, this is probably who he is and how he’s going to be. Now you have to decide if you can live the rest of your life with a partner who wants to do his own thing rather than spend time with you, doesn’t want to go do fun things, doesn’t want to help and support you with your business, isn’t affectionate, expects you to do everything, is very uninvolved and basically kind of lead separate lives. If you can’t imagine living the rest of your life like this and you want more for yourself, you want an affectionate partner, want some to hold your hand while you take your children to do fun things, wants to spend time with you, helps you, supports you and makes you his main priority then get out of this marriage before you waist anymore time, it’s not fair to either of you, he could find a woman who isn’t affectionate, wants her alone time and doesn’t mind doing everything and he could be happier with his life in that type of relationship and you can go find someone more suited to your needs and have the life you actually WANT. It’s hard but it’ll be much better doing it now than waiting years and having more kids involved or your son being older and remembers the divorce, don’t stay with someone who will never be what you want, be happy! The person who can fulfill your needs is out there and you can have the life you want and your son will have a happier life if his mom is happy. I started to think that that’s just how men are but that’s not true, I found someone who makes me a priority, supports me, is there for me, is affectionate, a wonderful father and wants to spend as much time with me as possible. You can find what you want too! As you get older, you learn that you have to accept people for what they are, people can make changes but they can’t change their personality, you have to accept the person for who they are and accept the life you have with that person or decide that you want better for yourself and your child. :black_heart:

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Also, it’s really sad that you said that you’d rather him give your son attention than you because your son deserves it, well YOU deserve it too! It shouldn’t be a competition for who he gives attention to or that he has SUCH limited time that he can’t give attention to you both, if he WANTED to and wasn’t so selfish and putting his video game hobby over his family then everyone would have his attention! He’s clearly selfish and his priority is himself! Don’t let him make you feel like you don’t deserve love and attention because you definitely do and as your husband it’s his job to give you both and he’s failing on many aspects. I hope you decide you want more out of life.

Don’t open that business until you have a divorce first. Otherwise you will end up paying him

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It’s hard when you express yourself and you’re not heard. He hasn’t changed and he won’t, unfortunately. I’d leave his video gaming ass and find a real man. Good luck. And God bless.

My motto in life - if I am going to do it alone I am going to be alone ! Bottom line sounds like he’s not interested in the marriage or his son if he says he wants to stay ok talk is cheap now its show me time or hit the road