My MIL changes my daughters clothes and keeps them: Advice?

Am I overreacting ??? So me and my husband got into an fight over me not liking the fact that every time we go over to my mother in laws sometimes she changes my daughter clothes (because either she got dirty or she didn’t want her to get dirty) what gets me mad that always a few days later or a month or so and his sisters kids will be wearing my daughter clothes I get angry because it’s usually a brand new dress or her new clothes that she always takes from mine and gives it to his sisters kids… am i wrong to get mad over this? And I also never get the clothes back or anything also reason the fight came up was because I bought my daughter a dress last week and this past weekend she wore it for church then we went over to his moms and at night my daughter wanted to change into shorts so she changed she was suppose to wear the dress for Thanksgiving


Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My MIL changes my daughters clothes and keeps them: Advice?

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I’d ask for the clothes back before you leave. And if she says something like its dirty just say that’s fine I’ll just wash it with my clothes but I need to take it home. Or just tell her no don’t change her. It’s ok if she gets it dirty or she is dirty. When she gets home you will take care of it.


Take an extra pair of clothes and a bag, that way you can change her and put the dirty clothes right in the bag to take home with you.


I had the same problem years ago when my grand daughter’s mother would keep the nice clothes that I dressed her in to go home. Never saw those adorable outfits again.
I started buying used playclothes to send her home in.
The used clothes were clean and in good condition. And, lo & behold, they were returned. Washed and folded.
Message received. :face_with_raised_eyebrow::face_with_raised_eyebrow:


I see everyone offering an alternative to just change her your self… but things like this won’t stop until you confront the situation. Just let her know that you need her clothes back, please. It’s a simple conversation. As far as you and your husband, just leave him out of it and talk to her directly about the issue. If he has a problem with it, then you have a bigger problem. It’s better to just be upfront and forward sometimes.


Take clothes you don’t care about in your car, if you are going to leave her with grandma then get the clothes and change her. If grandma questions it be blunt and tell her “i don’t want that outfit going missing so I’m going to put it in the car and she can wear these clothes while here.”


Say something in an adult way……
I don’t understand how this turned into a fight between you and your husband lol.


What i do is I send my daughter in clothes to her (dads) knowing I won’t be getting it back because I sent over a cute bathing suit and a cute sweater and I never saw them again :sob::sob::sob:. lol but if I was in your shoes, change her before your mil does or whenever you leave say where’s my daughters dress? I’m taking it home


If you know the outfits she has kept next time you are there ask for each outfit/dress and add "by the way I have seen your niece’s name wearing this, please let me have them I bought them for my daughter to enjoy more than just here.


I’d get the dress back. If she changes clothes get them and take them to the car. OR don’t change her.


The sil needs to get a job or get those children’s dad to buy them some clothes. But I wouldn’t have a problem asking for my child clothes when I picked her up and somebody better produce them up front or somebody is getting ready to get cuss out and I’m calling the police.


I wouldn’t be afraid to say something…and yea I’d be mad too


Grow a pair and stand up to her.
If you husband won’t speak up then you need to.


Confront her. Tell her you don’t appreciate what she’s doing. That your child needs her clothes!


My sister went through a similar situation the guy she was dating had several daughters and they would stay with their mom every other weekend. My sister said every weekend when they picked them up they sent no clothes of any kind( socks, undies, nothing) so every time they had them they had to buy clothes she finally starting sending them back in the outfit they were wearing and keeping all the new clothes they bought. She said their mom said there’s no panties or socks they said you didn’t send any she said so what did they wear over the weekend my sister said we bought clothes for them but they will stay with us so we don’t have to buy more next time you don’t send extras


take older clothes with you and change her once you get there and put church clothes in your car


Why so many people are coming at this woman for it becoming a fight between her and her husband is beyond me. Sounds like many of you have been fortunate enough to never be in a relationship with someone whose parents can do no wrong or have absolute narcissist for in laws.

Although I usually suggest letting your husband deal with his own parents— he clearly sees no fault in letting his or your hard earned money go right to his sisters house so you are going to have to confront his mother. You don’t have to make it a big drama but she is crossing boundaries and won’t stop unless you confront it head on. MIL, thank you for changing baby, I’ll take the dirty clothes home in this bag, thank you. Or— mil, baby will actually take a bath when we get home, you don’t have to change her, thank you. You have to be your child’s advocate. If your husband finds an issue with you asking for the clothes back or for her not to be changed at all then you have a husband problem. Get the dress back. Confront your sister in law if you have to as well— Respectfully, given you don’t know if she has a deliberate hand in this or if your mother in law is just acting like she’s got all these clothes of her own to give away to the other grandkids. Get your baby’s dress back. Also, an alternative is to have MIL come visit baby at your house. If she can’t respect boundaries this small then maybe she needs to be restricted to where she doesn’t have so much authority in the situation. Good luck.


I don’t understand why you don’t ask for the clothes back before you leave. You know what you sent her in, so don’t leave until you have it back. Also, stop letting his mother change her. What she wears there is what she wears all day.


I would just change her into something else there or just before going and make sure to put it in your bag or car. Or when she changes her just say I need that outfit for this or that. Or tell your husband to ask for it right after she changes the clothes.


Yall need to grow up, stop taking her if she continues to take her clothes there has to be consequences. You got this Mom :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:


Send play clothes with her.


Easy. Send your daughters oldest clothes when they visit grandma. DO NOT send any “nice” clothes. Bet you get those clothes back. (My niece had the same problem and that is how she solved it (only it was the ex-husband and father to the kids). When he complained she told him to buy the girls some nice clothes to keep at his house, otherwise too bad.


:joy::joy: just put YOUR child into clothes that are for playing. If you’ve known she does this time after time after time then wouldn’t you of known she was going to do the same stuff with the dress ? Like cmon you should’ve learned by now to stop sending nice clothes over and over and over again. This is your fault after the you’ve noticed it’s happened and repeatedly become a pattern and you kept on keeping her in new clothes when she’s around your MIL.


Bring a ziploc bag and take the clothes home with you. Don’t let her keep them, even if she says she’s just going to wash them.

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Have extra outfit with you so she can change before you leave…take good outfit home


My son’s grandma did this to my son’s clothes. It was always done on purpose because she wanted her other granddaughters son (who was a little young than him) to have the clothes. Lol. You should’ve seen the shoke on their faces when I walked in on them going through my son’s diaper bag and clothes while they were packing them up for her. They started rambling on and trying to cover their asses but it was to late.

No, I don’t think you’re wrong to be upset over it… but why don’t you just get the clothes from her when you pick your daughter up and notice that she’s in a different outfit…? I understand the principle is that she shouldn’t be giving the clothes to your sister for her kids to wear but you could very easily solve that by getting the clothes back. If the issue is that you want clothes to stay over there so she has extra, then tell your MIL to knock it off. If she doesn’t, because I’m petty, keep the receipts for the clothes you buy and when you see your nieces/nephews wearing it, give MIL the receipt and tell her that’s how much she owes you for the clothes she just gave to someone else without first asking you.

I would be mad too, but if I were you, maybe send clothes with her that you don’t mind letting go of, I know that can be hard especially if it’s every time, you would run out,I just definitely wouldn’t be sending good clothes

I don’t think it’s rude at all to say “hey, do you have so&so’s clothes I can take home” or just ask her to gather and return them. It would be strange for her to react negatively to that.

Yeah, I’d def call her out and ask for the clothes back that she took as well. This is some weird ass behavior, esp giving them away without asking. idc who it’s to.

I know it may sound a bit bad. But for starters I would have a talk with the mil and get the clothes back or the money I spent so I could get new ones. Secondly stop sending her in the clothes you want back. My child’s father won’t send clothes, shoes, coats, or jackets back for nothing. So anything he sends our child in I make sure it is washed and wore back to the dads even if it don’t match or look good. I’m a single parent as well as he is. I do not get help from him so I won’t help him. I struggle doing everything on my own. So I can’t afford to do extra.

Hell to the NOT !!!
Why you allowed that to happen? You say that your MIL changes her when you are there , she will not be changing her anymore , and why you didn’t asked for her clothes back if you were there , I will not leave without her clothes

Only send her there in clean clothes from the reduced section of Goodwill. And label the nice stuff. You can get name tags like mini security tags so you can only take them off if you’ve the right machine. Hopefully your SIL would start questioning why the clothes have your daughter’s name in. And ask for the dress back saying it was bought for Thanksgiving. Call her out on it and talk to your SIL about this so you can get the clothes back.

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Damn, mil has a lot of nerve giving your child’s clothes to her other grandkids. I would be bringing it up and why is your husband fighting with you about it? Ask him if he prefers buying two wardrobes for your Child since his niece is wearing the clothes ya’ll bought.

Bring your daughter a change of clothes and please ask her for your clothes back. She has no right to keep them and let others wear them.

Hell yeah I would be pissed. I would be making sure all clothes come back from now on before I leave.

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Why not just ask for her clothes back before you leave? I don’t get what the problem is. You just need to solve it by letting her know you want the clothes back.

So then don’t let her babysit or just ask her to put the clothes in a baggie for u to take back. Maybe she just needs extra clothes at her place. Kids always need to change outfits for whatever reason.

Do not dress her in newer items , stick to play clothes , stains n all . I would always if asked for her clothes and took them home ! Or made trip next day to get them , people only do what YOU allow them to do.

Just to play devils advocate…could it be possible the other grandchildren 's parents can’t afford nice clothes and the grandparent let’s them have the nice clothes so they feel good in what their wearing?

Why are yo so scared to tell her please dont let anyone else wear my daughters clothes and make sure you take them back with you,please or offend she wouldnt rule me :woman_shrugging:

Send her over with extra clothes to change into and ask her to make sure they’re all sent home with her

My daughter’s grandparents and aunt would do yhis with my daughter. I would buy a whole new season of clothes, send her to her dad’s for the weekend and I would never see those clothes again… it royaly pissed me off. So what I started doing was sending my daughter in the shittiest peices of clothing she had when she went to her dad’s or grandparents house… worked like a charm, and now iv been able to retain the new clothes I paid out of pocket for my kid.

I had a another closet/drawers, hand me downs from my family, that I dressed my children in and sent extra clothes to my mil for the same reason

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Your are not wrong to get mad over this. You spend good money on your kids clothes. Buy some op shop clothes for her to go to your MIL’s

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Change her before going over I always have a Walmart bag with me and change my own kids so if they are dirty the dirty clothes go strait in the bag and in my backpack or the car

Bring her there in old clothes that u dont mind getting lost or taken. Or just simply ask for your daughters clothes back.

I would look for the clothes back
No right to keep em
Or give them to another child

Ask for it back. When takes off ask her to give to you.

Ask for the clothes back or put your daughter in 2nd hand clothing when you send her to grandmas.

Get one step ahead of MIL. Have a change of older cloths with you and change her before she gets there. The sister probably thinks she bought her kids the cloths.

Let her change the outfit, but insist that it goes home with you - why would it be left there?

I would always ask for them back immediately.

Yea defo say something things goin up nd money don’t grow on trees for u splash out and cute things usually quite a few £££xxxx

You mean stealing, ya I’d be upset.

Just grab the clothes when she changes…

Speak up, when you’re leaving ask or go get them to bring home.

Before you go over change your daughter into clothes you purchase at good will. Problem solved!

Start writing your daughters initials or name on the clothes. Mention the issue to your mother inlaw and if it continues to happen you can point out your daughters name on the clothing.

When you pick her up grab her clothes

You said “WE” so I’m assuming you also was at his moms after church. Why didn’t YOU put the dress in a bag and then transport it to your vehicle? Why leave it or let her change her when you know she keeps them? This ones on you. Hopefully you can have a conversation with your MIL about these others past experiences though.


Why aren’t you just asking for her clothes back?

Yeah I would say something and get them back that same day. Why is it that the ex and that side do this. So petty of them


I don’t understand why you don’t bring it up when it’s happening.

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Don’t send her in nice clothes, send her in things you don’t care if you get back.

I would be mad about this and I would absolutely say something

I’d be pissed off ! No excuse for doing that

Have you tried to confront her

I have to ask because you said “we,” are you or your husband there when she gets changed out if the clothes?

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Carry a baby bag be sure everything is returned into her bag at the end of the day and also prayers for your husband’s family AMENE

Just tell her to give the clothes back. Pretty simple


To change her is one thing but to put my clothes on another child that isn’t mine I’m going to be pissed bc ur giving my new clothes or good clothes away. Hell no, better confront her and leave the hubby out of this especially if he’s on her side

Send your child with a change of clothes, and tell MiL that you want the dirty clothes returned immediately in the same bag that the change of clothes was sent in.
Tell her you will launder them yourself, and that you don’t want to “misplace” any more clothes.

Bitch wouldn’t be keeping my clothes. I would have them before I left. Send her in old clothes.

I would tell her you want the dress back, and maybe keep some play clothes or something over there for her to change into, and she can pack the clothes for YOUR home in a bag, backpack, what have you…

People are so afraid to say something and just let people run all over them… Couldn’t be me

I would just for it back casually or change the child myself with extra clothes I packed. The clothes aren’t cheap. Go get it back.

Tell her to put them in a bag and put them back in her bag

Have hubby ask for the clothes back before you leave. I have specific clothes I don’t want to share and a lot of clothes I will share. Just communicate it !

Are you wrong to be angry nope the clothes she’s got tell her straight either you get them back washed dried and neatly folded or she don’t see your daughter anymore

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F your husband and your mother in law BOTH!!! TELL THEM YOU WAJT YOUR KIDS CLOTHES!!! HELL NO I WOULDN’T PUT UP WITH THAT!!!

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Quit allowing her to take your daughter until you have had a come to Jesus talk with her.

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Start only bringing you kids over in old clothes.

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I would go to the second hand store buy clothes there and not send her with anything you would like back cause clearly your mother inlaw is not listening properly.

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Why cant you ask for the clothes back?

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You have every right to be mad. You’re buying clothes for her and they are literally putting them on the other kids. That’s called stealing

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Speak up and don’t leave without your daughter’s clothing!

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I would be Pissed!!! No fricking way!!!

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Just ask for them before you leave

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I would mention it to her or just take them back

I wouldn’t send her in new or nice clothes anymore. I would demand the clothes back and I would send her in old clothes here on out. They’re stealing from your daughter.

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Take her in old clothes or clothes you don’t care for. Keep her new clothes in the car so you can change her before you go out where you want to. Play clothes ONLY to MIL. When MIL asks why, tell her there seems to be a problem of never getting new clothes returned so they will NOT be worn over there.

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Bet his sister isn’t as well off as you are and MIL is doing it on purpose…

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Buy cheap clothes for over his mom’s house. Or ask for her clothes back before you leave…

Tell her no, when she tries to change her clothes.

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She should only go to grandma’s in old clothes, or take a change for her and take the dirty clothes home with you.

Just let MIL know…not a big deal. Be thankful she changes her clothes and keeps her comfortable. Just gather her clothes and wash them at home. I bet MIL is just keeping them to have something on hand.


Only take her over in clothes you don’t care about. Not her good ones.

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I’d go to her house in not a new thing not dressed up n maybe joggers so if she doesn’t respect u then Ur not missing nice clothes, kids dad use to do this keep all good clothes i sent them in so sent them in joggers n tshirts he thinks I don’t have nice clothes for kids i do but keep best for home x

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