My MIL always asks my husband for help. In the past, she’s asked him to help her with bills, food, etc. We recently bought her food & when we dropped them off, she immediately asked him, “can I have some money?” I give her information about places that can help her with bills, food, etc. & she gives every excuse to not sign up for the assistance. I feel as if she would rather just ask my husband for things than to find a way herself. In my opinion, she is not smart about her financial decisions & does not put her priorities first. She will throw “get-togethers” and spend her last on it. The food we bought her was quickly gone due to these get-togethers. Even after we told her to be smart with it. I’m extremely frustrated because we just moved & still have things we need to get for our home. After I had my last born, she had/still has health issues (which she sees multiple doctors, multiple times a month) & needs someone to be available for the appointments. We decided I become a SAHM. So financially, we get by, but we have to be smart about it. My husband frequently talks about finances and how he wants us to not live paycheck to paycheck & be financially stable… & I started looking for jobs I can do while at home to start helping relieve the stress of supporting our family by myself. However, I find it unfair that we have to bust our behinds to provide the lifestyle we want for our family & his mom can easily just ask & he will always give. We have had talks in the past about how if he doesn’t have it to do, then he needs to learn to tell her that. He will agree, but when it comes time to do so, he always says, “that’s my mom” & helps her. Recently, she was blowing up his phone when he was getting sleep before work & when he answered she goes “my tire is flat, I need new tires” I’m assuming she is expecting him to pay for that. He doesn’t know I heard the conversation (I was lying next to him). Idk if I should bring it up & tell him we don’t have it to do, or if I should just see what he does on his own. We just got caught up on our bills from him being laid off from Covid & both of our cars need oil changes/tires/etc also. I feel like she doesn’t care we have children to take care of & other responsibilities & relies so much on others to take care of her wants/needs. There were a few instances where we asked her to watch the kids for a few hours & she will immediately ask “am I getting paid?” & it upsets me because those are her grandkids & she should want to spend time with them & not have to be “paid” to spend time with them. (Just to help with the opinions, She does not work, she lives with my FIL who doesn’t really help her with anything)
This will never stop if you don’t set the boundary. Just tell her you guys cannot afford it anymore, you have your own family to support. Your children should not be going without because you lack boundaries. She is taking advantage of your kindness.
Let him help his mother
Wait…so she is married and her husband, your FIL, doesn’t fulfill his husband duties?! Did I read that wrong?
But helping here and there is.fine.but it sounds like she has taken advantage of you guys and she comes first. You need to seriously sit down and talk to your husband about this. Its never going to change and if you are living paycheck to paycheck you can’t afford to keep helping her. Your kids needs should come first
You need to set up boundaries and FAST. Yes that’s his mother, buts she’s clearly taking advantage of both of you. Hell no 
You need to get on top of this ASAP! Speak to your husband and make him realise that his children and their upbringing is what he needs to prioritise. Put her into your budget on a monthly basis if you have to and just stick to it, if she spends it all then than that’s her problem. She’s a grown woman! My guilt would eat me up if I ever had to take from my children.
At first I wanted to be all like “let him help his mom she brought him into this world” but as a mother I would just want my kids to be able to provide for there family and I would do anything to not have to burden them with helping me bc it sounds like ur MIL isn’t helping herself so I would put my foot down bc it sounds like she is just using yall!
If your now the one bringing in the money…dont let him have access to it and draw the line that she has to fend for herself…shes a grown ass woman …you need to look after your family…your kids yourself and your partner…you cant keep giving her money she clearly doesn’t appreciate anything you guys do
Husband needs to set boundaries. You are not her bank.
It’s even in the Bible that when a man marries he’s to leave his parents and cleave to his wife.
You’re now his #1 priority and if he’s to help his mom then it needs to be a decision both of you make.
It damn sure wouldn’t be me. Your husband needs a wake up call. His mom’s man is responsible for her needs, not you. Gifts, treats, yes. But not EVERYTHING that you mentioned. Yes that’s his Mom, but she’s not his child or wife
Sounds like to me he needs to talk to his father about why he’s not helping your mother 
That sucks! Helping mom isn’t a bad thing but if it’s infringing that much then it’s an issue. Have her get on food stamps. Help her apply. Discuss with your husband. I’m sure it’s a tough position for him. 51% chance you’ll get divorced but his mother will always be his mother. Maybe it’s time to cut back on the finances and let it be known that y’all are struggling even if you’re not. Good luck
Tell her that the only way you can help her is if she goes with you to Social Security and makes one of you her payee. You will pay her bills, give her an allowance and buy her groceries, and take her to appointments. Explain to her that with only one of you working the other at home with the kids you cannot stretch your budget to include her too, that this is the only way you can help her by setting her up with a budget.
I am the opposite, I live on $692 a month and cut things back as far as I can.my kids and grandkids keep telling me if I need anything just tell them,I keep telling them I will be ok, but when they come to visit I will find money laying around the house somewhere that they left for me,they said they do that , because I might need something and I raised them right. if I do really need anything I will ask them. I just wanted you to know not all mil’s are not the same.my one sil even mailed me $200. So I would have Christmas money,
Help her sign up there is assistants that help with bills and food. Especially with Covid there are many resources. Tell her she needs to do it and you can’t afford to give her money. Simple. Look up Covid resources they help A LOT
Honestly it doesn’t ever go away. Hes a mamas boy and unfortunately will always tend to her hand and foot from my experience. Mine put a $3000 down payment on her car because she needed a vehicle but somehow that was our responsibility to get her one. Everything of hers gets fixed on a dime. Today her alternator went out, guess what was fixed tonight while ive had a check engine light for months and brake light out for weeks. Guess ill be fixing them myself.
Nip it in the butt now if you can. They may not go away compltely but it may get a little better than it was.
Helping out is one thing but when its expected and think asking to be paid for minding your grandchildren is wrong! Maybe if it was every day while yous work then she may have a point. She knows you guys will always help out so unless you set boundaries it will continue. Offer to go with her for help, food banks etc. If shes just being silly with the money talk to your husband about just giving food parcels if shes stuck but not money. She shouldn’t be so selfish when yous have a family. She needs to seek help
Helping every once is one thing. But it sounds like she’s just doesn’t wanna adult herself. My mom does that and I just don’t want to do with her.
But she needs to try on her own and it doesn’t sound like she is.
You need to get your husband into counseling. He needs to learn to stand up for himself, stop caving in to his mom and put his nuclear family first, especially since you don’t have it to give. You are already rearranging your life to take her to doctors appointments. Ask MIL how much money she gave her mother over the years and who paid for her mother’s dinner parties. Unfortunately the problem isn’t your MIL, it’s your husband.
I would get a job before letting my son give me his money.MIL is a selfish and a self centered person.
i think your husband needs to evaluate his priorities and accept that you and the children are his family come first. my husband was somewhat like that except there is no father in his picture and i told him to go sleep with his mother he was like what yup you gonna buy her everything then go sleep with her tell her to open her legs i was so upset BUT he stopped giving her money and buying her stuff🤷🏻♀️
Honestly talk to your husband and let him know if he mindset doesn’t change that you and you kids come before his mother their will be a point in your marriage that you won’t take it anymore and separate you can’t live like this you need to help yourselves first before anyone else that includes his mother give your husband the info you found out about resources and tell him to tell his mom you both need to be on the same page
I would make it very clear that y’all dnt mind helping her to get back on her feet but all of y’all can not live on your husbands pay! Especially if she not going to be responsible with the money she is givin to stay afloat. Next time she wants you to pay her for watching her grand kids you tell her she already getting free money that if she wants to continue asking for money that you expect her to earn the money she already getting from y’all.
His mom raised him for free so maybe try to find some compassion.
Don’t give her a penny and find a babysitter and play them. If she wants to see the grandkids she will ask
Seriously !! Girl you need to have that talk with your husband ASAP !!! You and your kids come first when y’all got married - she “mil”needs to step back … Im so blessed and thankful I have an amazing MIL !!!
Typical narcissist MIL… starving for attention from her son and the only way she sees fit to get it is out of being needy and unappreciative. Literally testing how far she can push her disrespectful, selfish, lack of boundaries personality. I’d speak loud and clear that my kids come first, she can get help when she helps herself
My perspective. I think once you get married and have children, that you have created a family. While you still love your family, but the needs of your immediate household should be most important. I little help here and there sure. But if she is mentally and physically able. Her ass needs to go get a job and job mooching off of your guys
I would put my foot down, why should you work to pay her bills? If she is that needy there are alot of programs to help with food,fuel rent and health ins… she’s going to keep doing it until you say no. dont be afraid to apeak to your husband about it enough is enough
I don’t see anything wrong with how you feel. She is a grown woman, she needs to seek assistance if she is actually struggling. There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with helping your parents but it becomes an issue if the parent expects their child to do everything for them. Why does your FIL not help her? Why is she uncapable of work herself? You mentioned him losing his job due to COVID and also mentioned just now being caught up on bills. If he is complaining about living paycheck to paycheck then he needs to re-evaluate just how much he is giving to his mother. What if there is a financial emergency? Or as you mentioned your own vehicles need maintenance? I like the idea previously mentioned here of taking a day to help her seek assistance. Think of it as this quote “Give a man a fish, feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, feed him for a lifetime.”
Well, on this side of the world, we take care of our parents whatever their ages are and whether or not he or she needs it.
They took care of us when we were little, and we would never be able to repay them. But we care for them with everything.
It’s time for them to put the worries of the world behind for them and enjoy being rest assured that they are being taken care of from every aspects.
She shouldn’t be leaning on you guys so much. Our government is good with assistance so she could get help if she wanted too. Yes it’s his mum but he has a family to provide for and she is a grown woman. If she isnt willing to try and help herself then why should you guys support her. I’m sorry you’re in this no good situation and I hope you sort it out. Be honest with him about your feelings or else it will eat you up.
It’s his mom…ur husband must feel he can help her being he does…I’m sure if he was hurting for money or before it takes away from ur children he would pick the kids first.
Why dont you put it in perspective for him what if something happens to your kids and your not gonna be able to care for their basic needs if he continues to constantly give to them how does he expect to save for future expenses like college tuition if he continues on this & assist her with food assistance
Tell her to grow up. Her son doesn’t owe her a dime. And it’s not his responsibility to financially provide for his MOTHER. You have every right to be upset. Theres a difference in helping someone get by to their next pay check and taking advantage of someone. You have every right to be upset.
She’s taking advantage of him and he needs to worry about his family first definitely talk to him about it if not it will keep happening even if it’s his mom she’s a grown women she needs to take care of her own responsibilities 
I agree with helping your parents to an extent. Asking money to “babysit” the grandkids is ridiculous, in my opinion. My parents would neverrrrrr take money. Ever.
But I feel at this point, he’s getting taken advantage of.
Everybody is different when it comes to family. The MIL is not alone struggling the FIL is there. Honestly if the MIL is asking she should figure out, how to pay you back. I am pretty sure if it was the other way around. Being her son is adult kid he would pay her back. Remember this goes both ways. If parents or kids are helping each other, living in different households, how your husband is helping his mom and yes this takes away from your family and your household is not financially stable to help. Need to ask yourself this, if your husband lost his job, and now your family is struggling to pay bills, you can’t turn to his mom for help. Guess what! You probably have to now ask your parents for help. Is that fair?
Me and my husband had the same issue. I sat down with my husband and we talked and agreed that we had to put our foot down because it was taking away money from ourselves and kids to give to her. There is a difference between helping someone when they need it and someone expecting you to take care of them when they are capable of taking care of themselves. Honestly she was pissed at me for about 2 years after but I sat her down and respectfully told her that we can’t and won’t keep helping her if she is not willing to help herself. She actually thanked me and apologized a few years later for being so angry with me, which I did not know about til she told me in that moment. Ultimately you have to take care of you guys and your kids first. I so know where you are coming from though. It is a very tough situation. You and your husband have to be on the same page.
She needs to get a job. But you also should respect his space and eventually he will come to terms with it. He will realize that she is using him. Its hard to watch and definitely tell him how you feel. But remember to respect his feelings too.
Tell her to grow up and do the government assistance stuff and tell him he needs to stop giving her money regardless if shes his mother. That is not the move, that is yalls money and if hes gonna keep giving her money he cant complain about living paycheck to paycheck. If she refuses to get assistance let her know you’re not giving her money anymore. And put your foot down with your husband, his mother or not yall have a family to take care of. You cant worry about anyone else especially when they arent making smart money choices on their own.
Tell him:
A daughter is a daughter all her life. A Son is a Son till he gets a wife.
I would step in and have a conversation with her. Enough is enough.
Maybe he should talk to his father about why he’s not providing for her
First, how old is this women ?
Just tell him that he needs to take a day off because you are so worry about his mom financial situation that you gonna take her to get help and is better if he stay with the kids than pay hourly a babysitter… and don’t forget to used the most sweet voice and your most worry face expression… practice a little bit in the mirror and wait until 2 or 3 minutes before than sex… you are not gonna fail girl.
It’s his mom and only gets one mom. You don’t turn against your parents ever, as far as I am concerned.
Nicole Marie agree with you.
Talk to him now. What he is doing is ridiculous. How is there any money left over for his mom, anyway? Make sure every dollar has an envelope: bills, food, college, medical, etc. That way he has to decide if his mom is more important than food, college, etc. It is your money, too. Stand up for your family.
Good luck!!
You seriously need to have a sit down with your husband. Your MIL will continue this behavior unless he puts his foot down. Don’t sound like a bitch when speaking to your husband but firmly tell him that he needs to tell her to get social services help. Make a compromise and only help her if she begins to help herself. If she needs tires then say " We’ll help pay for tires but you have to apply for SNAP first". Once she PROVES that she’s applied, then get the tires. She can go to Catholic Services and get help with her utilities and after she applies then you can give her some spending money. Make it a Tit for Tat. Mom, you do this and we’ll do that for you. I’m definitely not saying to refuse your MIL anything just that she has to attempt to get help first then you will step in. I’m a struggling senior myself but I would never have the nerve to ask any of my kids to support me. I think that she’s being outrageous but that’s me. You definitely need to secure your future now so you never have to find yourself begging your kids for money later. Start an annuity where you can control your monthly payments. You can put maybe $50.00 a month into it. That’s only about $15.00 a week! It adds up for sure and you will be saving for your future. Good luck and I’m sorry that you have a woman like this in your life. My husband and I have been married 48 years and we both helped out our parents when they were older. The 1 thing we never did was put a strain on our family. Remember 2 things: Love your parents but they chose their own future and they are adults, #2 God helps those who help themselves.
You see, I just don’t understand people like you, it’s his mom… just because he gives to his mom, it doesn’t mean he’s sacrificing giving to his family… his mom will not live forever… I’d be pissed at you for causing trouble over nothing… he might start resenting you for causing problems over his mom…
I mean it’s his mom if he wants to continue he will
Does she have a job? Or is she able to work? Maybe sit down with your husband and figure out a plan on how you can help her become more independent.
I understand this quite a bit. My inlaws used to ask for money for us every month. It was always the same excuses, food or medicine. Now she let their grown son and his daughter they.raised live there, and he refused to work and so did his daughter when she became old enough. They would buy him cigarettes and her a new phone every time she lost hers. They asked for money one day and camd to the door, took it and left. Did not say hello to our kids or anything. I once seen MIL go buy cigarettes (she didn’t smoke) right after asking for money. We stopped giving money. She stopped talking to us. Haven’t heard from her in well over a year now.
Definitely bring it up to your husband. Especially if he is wanting you to work from home. I understand helping when you can but all the time is ridiculous especially when you are living pay check to pay check.
It’ll never go away.
Mine sent $300 to his mom one time 
without saying a word
Get the paperwork to file for assistance and either do it for her or help her fill it out, have her over for dinner instead of buying her food
That’s a battle you will probably never win. Best thing to do is get back to work and start saving your money for your kids.
There is a difference between helping her and being taken advantage! Wonder what he would do if you had to help your mom?
I would talk to your husband about wanting to help his mom to become fincially stable on her own. He cant go on support your household and his mothers.
Maybe cone up with a plan where he can help her to manage her own money/bills. Then get her signed up for the extra help she may need.
If she refuses to go along with this than its time to let her figure it out on her own. You cant continue to help someone who doesn’t want to help themselves. At this point he is completely enabling her behavior and if he doesn’t make the change it will go on forever
It would be really hard for me not to help my mom if she needs it. The fact that the her husband will not help her is really sad. At the end of the day, helping your parents is more important than material things. My dad died (56yrs) last January. Life is short.
Remind him his wife and kids should be more of a priority than her. Also tell him living paycheck to paycheck is the direct result of his mom. She spends recklessly because her sonny boy will fund everything. If you end up with a job, tell him you are separating finances because YOUR EARNED MONEY WILL NOT GO TOWARDS FUNDING HIS MOTHERS LIFE STYLE.
Tell that “mother” in private or with just your husband present, that you’re trying to build a future where you won’t have to rely on your children financially, knowing yourself the burden of long-term financial dependency. She won’t even help you earn the money she wants from you… she doesn’t care about your family.
Sounds like you and your husband need to set some healthy boundaries!
Tell her you’ll trade her services but you’re too broke to give out any more money. If she wants something u trade her.
My mom lives on assistance and always watches our kids. In return I pay her phone bill and we do any and all the maintenance on her house and vehicle. No money ever passes hands…
Sounds like its time for Mom to grow up!
I’m shocked. My mom works and I still pay her stuff. We help my MIL as well. I dont mind. They took care of us our whole lives bow it’s our turn.
I’ve always lived by the rule, don’t sink your ship to float their boat. If all of your stuff is paid & you have it to give that’s cool. If your struggling to pay for what y’all need, then the answer would be no
So I somewhat went through this… but once we got our own place. He put his foot down and will no longer help. And she still tries… all the time. She came over last night asked for money he said no and she said bye and left without saying hi to her grandkids or her 16 year old (we have him cause she started truck driving)
I feel like there’s nothing wrong with making it clear to your husband that you guys cannot afford to be financially responsible for her. The fact that she demands he support her when he had a family to support really says a lot about how she views you guys. She is a grown woman with a husband. Either she needs to work to support herself or she needs to find a husband who will do it for her. It’s nice for her son to help his mom but things are realistically tight for everyone right now for her to ask so much of him
Put your little family frist tell your husband he needs to take care of his family not his mom it’s nice to help but some people take advantage of others
My FIL did something like this except he came down to “visit” (he only lived an hour away with his sister)and spend the weekend so he could spend more time with his new grandson and he ended up staying for 3 months! At that time we had my mom living with us also who was moving out, and it seemed like he was going to move in. Once he started getting a cold or something I told him he had to go home because my husband was our only provider and we couldn’t have him sick and miss time, and we didn’t want our newborn sick. He left and won’t speak to us now. 
Tell her to sit and spin in front of the Hubby. Y’all aren’t an ATM. Cut her off.
I would have him talk to her and cut the money off. You’ll never have anything or build up savings handing out to her.
Like I say in every instance where a parent is causing any issues or strain on a relationship… the family you create takes priority over the family you come from.
I would make it very clear that you can’t afford to support her financially.
Helping is one thing especially when it comes to parents. Being taken advantage of by a parent is the worst.
She needs to be put in her place and your husband needs to be the one to do it.
Personally, I would absolutely set down with your husband and have an honest conversation about boundaries and expectations. Express yourself respectfully and make yourself clear, but you also have to hold up whatever words you speak. I think BOUNDARIES are a must not only with the MIL but also in your marriage!
The fact that you have children and are living in a single income family can definitely impart stress and resentment on all relationships. I don’t think there is anything inherently “wrong” with helping the MIL (that’s his mother after all) but there seems to be no boundaries or respect and that is a MUST for ANY healthy relationship!
Good Luck, I will be praying for your little family and for your peace of mind and clarity!
What an entitled and selfish person she is, and even after all you guys do she wants to get paid for the one thing you ask of her, to watch her own grandkids?! You guys are struggling and she doesn’t care, your husband is wrong, she may be his mother but you are his wife and those are his kids, his priority should be his family, not her. If you had extra to spare that’s one thing but to take out of his family’s mouth to give to a lazy, entitled, and the selfish old woman is awful. You need to have a come to Jesus moment with your husband, this is not OK.
That is a hard situation to be in but a sit down talk is definitely needed. Sounds like she needs to have a sit down budget made and a reality check made on herself. Talk to your husband and tell him your going to start keeping a log of how much money is being given and spend on her monthly. If this is going to continue then either she can help out with babysitting the kids (without additional pay because she’s already getting your assistance) and she needs to sign up for local assistance that’s available in your area. That assistance is there for a reason.
Write a list of the money your husband gives her then when you ask her to watch your kids show her the list or the three of you sit down n decide what to do because it sounds like u have had enough !
I will borrow my family money if they need it but they have to be working and be able to pay me back next payday. If they can’t then I won’t, been screwed over before, that’s why I’m like that now. But with some ppl it’s an automatic no because I know I won’t get paid back or they aren’t financially stable
If DH is willing to compromise his family’s health and well being then its time to either seek therapy or a divorce. If FiL isn’t pulling his weight in his own house then that is between him and MiL. MiL should not be running to her son for support and help… especially since he has his own wife and family to care for. Don’t let this continue for much longer or you will be in for some miserable times ahead
Gather all information on places that can help… paperwork, phone numbers etc…give them to her…
As this is not your mother please talk with your husband before you give her paperwork…
Show her your numbers…this is what we have…this is what goes out in bills etc…this is what we need…we can’t afford you…
It would be different if she was elder like 80 but doesn’t sound like it…sounds like overgrown child…time to stand your ground or be her ATM forever
Flat out tell him you’re not going to look for work so you can help support his parents. And since he’s such a pushover make sure you have access to accounts to see exactly how much he’s giving them. Ridiculous. Smh.
I am a 66 yr old gramma ,retired and on limited income. I drive 45 mins one way to babysit my grandkids, who I adore. I would never ask my kids for money. Occasionally, maybe gas money. It’s very expensive to raise a family! She should be ashamed if herself! And your husband has to grow up and look at his own family’s needs! Doesn’t serm like she’s homeless and us entertaining others on your money. Stop already!
Two words: I.CANT!
She needs to be told you are struggling as well. Print off a list of food banks near and work from home jobs. Sounds like she is a teenager or college kid but she is an adult mother. In a pinch I could see once or twice but taking food and she invites people over, no. That’s called a pitch-in!
He needs to cut his mommy off! HE has a wife and kids to take care of! And if u do some type of stay at home business, like makeup, pure romance etc (I see tons of ppl on my friends doing stuff online from home)… It could add income. 
Tell her that you don’t have extra funds at this time because you have bills to pay. Maybe next payday in 2 weeks you will. She has to learn. And just because she raised him does not give her the right to sponge off of him all of the time. She has to learn to live within her means.
My mother berates me for my income. She thinks that when I buy her something, like a case in ensure sent to her monthly, that I am throwing around my income. Can you believe that. When she is on pain meds she says the worst things to me. So I stopped sending her monthly ensure. I stopped sending her new shoes to support her ankles. I stopped telling her anything about my life. Her attitude has changed a bit.
I would tell you MIL that this is not a good week for us to give money…try again in 2 weeks.
Be very careful, alot of the man u love is wrapped up in this situation. If he agrees with u support him , if not just be sure he knows where you are financially at all times
If your husband doesn’t understand your family.needs money and his adult.mother needs to take care ofnher shell, he is the problem too. In fact, HE should be telling him mom enough is enough. He needs to grow up and fo lcus in his family esp with his out of control daughter you spoke of the other day. Nobody got time taking care of his mom too. You shouldn’t have to deal with his. His fault for letting it get this bad. Shame on your hubby!!
Sounds like my MIL. She passed several years ago. But she would take the other grandkids out to eat, tell my son, if you don’t have money, you won’t eat. My hubby was in hospital and I had to drive 45 minutes one way, so I’d go by her house. My car had a radiator leak, so had to put water everytime I turned around. But do you know that woman made me sleep in a car, cold outside with my son! She didn’t care! Hate to say it it, but I was glad she died
There’s a difference in helping someone and them taking full advantage of the situation. If it was just ever now and then, that may be ok, but this is out of hand. Time to cut her off.
Um…simply tell her you have to take care of.your family and cannot support all her needs. Any adult should understand.
Idk I help my mom out as much as I can because she’s my mom she gave me life and was always there when I needed her and still is. One day I’ll be without and I want to know that after everything she has done for me I’ll always be there for her when she needs it rite now. No matter how hard it may be at times how can you not help your mom when for her it was hard at times but she made it work and made sure you were taken care of maybe it’s just me but I won’t turn my mom down when she’s in need no matter if she is bad with finances.
Take her down and apply for food stamps…SS… the f she had a husband she should get benefits
Sorry I Can’t, I would say. My own car needs these just to keep your grandchildren safe. They are first.
Maybe suggest something at home she can do to make money
Oh girl dont put up with her bs she’s a mooch
I’m reading this and my thought was… you’re shameful. Bet it would be different if it were your mother