My MIL doesn't listen to my parenting rules when she has my son: Advice?

No more visits if she doesn’t want to listen to you

Yeah I’d stop that REAL quick. I wouldn’t let her take my kid anymore.

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No more visits to mil house that solves that problem she can come visit him

Stop letting her keep your kid🤦🏻‍♀️

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NOPE. If my baby cried himself to sleep once that would be the end of it

I wouldn’t leave my kid with her again.

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I agree with you she she follow your orders you are his Mother.

All you can do is not let her take him. I think you’re overreacting a bit, but it’s your child.

Why can’t the baby have water or juice?

She should respect your rules.

If you don’t like keep him home plain and simple

Can’t follow my rules for my child then you will no longer be taking my child. Period. :person_shrugging:

don’t let her pick up your kid then. seriously.

This is my father in law for me. I feel ya.

Then she can’t babysit anymore :woman_shrugging:

No you have every right to feel the way you do

Don’t have him go over there without you then.

I would stop letting her take care of him.

Watch your own kid and you won’t have an issue

Stop the visits period.

Nope…stand your ground…been there done that…don’t be afraid to stand up to her now…I wish I had

Keep him home. You’re the mama

So glad I am not your MIL…

Let her. You’ll do the same as a grandma one day.

Your kids. Your rules. Bottom line.

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As a single mother of four I can tell you that no one will ever take care of your child the same way you do, and that’s okay. I really wouldn’t worry too much about water and juice, I mean, my son ate several flies before I could rush over to stop him. He’s still alive, healthy and happy at seven years old. As far as him crying it out, I can see both sides of this. When I was young I wanted my child near me 24/7. I would co-sleep, or share a room with them, etc. Now out of all four kids ages 6, 7, 11, and 15, only ONE will sleep in a room by herself. The three youngest are still a battle to get them to sleep in their own bed. This doesn’t seem like a big problem until you feel like you are drowning in a bed of four kids and insanity. Trying to figure out how to stop that every night battle is still hard to cope with. Personally my biggest issue would be her taking him out in public when asked not to. At the end of the day you need to know that whoever has your child is keeping them safe. I keep my niece a lot, almost every other weekend. She’s 17 months old. While I do things her mother doesn’t, like take the pacifier off her shirt and place it in her diaper bag as soon as I get her and do not tolerate tantrums, I would never take her somewhere her mother has asked me not to or put her in a situation where she could be harmed. That’s a major violation of trust. The small things, such as the pacifier, are because I can see things down the road that her young mother may not be able to. However, if at any point we didn’t agree or have an open communication, then I would go with her mother’s wishes.

I don’t mean this to
discourage you or anything like that, but if you want other people to be involved in your child’s life then you have to come to the realization that you can’t control every moment of every day in your child’s life. Believe me, I have struggled with this often.

Ya I’d keep my kid away that women clearly isnt respecting your rule all of which have life long damaging issues

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No. My MIL. The bitch she was, would do everything I asked her not to do. We moved away!!!

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well if you dont like it, watch your own kid​:woman_shrugging::woman_shrugging::woman_shrugging:

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Id be mad as hell especially letting him cry himself self to sleep and giving him juice is not good for him at 8 months

Covid = No
Water = YES
Cry himself to sleep = YES
Juice = ungh if it’s watered down alot

Watch your own damn kids if you dont like it not crying to sleep no but anything else keep your own damn child

No. That is your child. You get to decide what rules you want. Whether it’s changing his ass every 5 seconds. Or something more extreme. If nobody can respect that. They should not be in your child’s life. I don’t care who it is. And then you and your husband need to get on the same page. He should have your back about your guys’s child. And I’m sure she’ll throw out the well, I raised my kids and did this and did this and they’re fine. Say. Okay cool. This kid is mine. Respect my wishes or stay away from my kid. Speak up and stand your ground.

Nope. I’d tell her to cut the crap or my kid will not be staying with her every weekend. Your kid, your rules. He is WAY too young for juice and if you don’t want to do cry it out, she should respect that. I would have a stern talk and let her know of this happens again, he will no longer be staying with her and you will just come visit with him for the day.

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Normally I say Mama, chill, let people do things differently. But crying to sleep is not ok!

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Oh hell no. Your baby is 8 months and there is so much we don’t know about covid. Sorry this mama bear hasn’t taken her 11 month old to any stores since COVID-19. I also don’t like letting my baby cry at night and no offense your husband needs to grow a pair. His mommy or not if these are the rules you both agree on is best for your child and she can’t follow them she can no longer spend time with him alone. Your husband is making a big mistake by dismissing your feelings as a mama. It’s going to cause bigger problems down the rd for you two if he doesn’t star lustening to your feelings.

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Your child your rules!

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8mos old…I would give this woman a reality check. If she can’t abide by your wishes don’t give your child to her for a word…

First of all as a parent I would not have allowed my 8mth old child to sleep out. You can come and visit him as much as you can but no sleeping out until they are bit older. Secondly as a grandparent I am not going to take a baby so small to sleep over unless it is an emergency and knowing how unsafe it is to be outside there with this covid I personally think as a parent I would not allow anyone to have my baby or even visit

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Seriously eff that I wouldn’t leave her unsupervised period if she can’t follow rules who knows what else she is doing

I wouldn’t let her take him for the weekends anymore.

Keep him until she realize it’s not her kid to parent.

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Normally I would say chill out mama but the brining in stores during covid crosses the line and crying to sleep if that’s not the method ur using to train the sleep is just mean. Speak up

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I feel like yes and no? Yes because she doesn’t listen but also imagine how excited she is for that baby to hangout. She has errands to run so yeah she should just bring him back to you if you don’t want him out and about. Maybe she thinks she knows better about the juice? Maybe he was constipated and she was trying to help? I think you should have a polite conversation about boundaries. I don’t know what I would do without my mother in law and you don’t wanna burn that bridge. Stuff happens I feel like getting toooooo upset is a bit much not to say you are completely entitled to that opinion. Not trying to bash you if that makes sense.

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I wouldn’t allow her to watch him at all anymore.

She’s neglectful and has unhealthy feeding habits. This is not a person who can be trusted with your baby. I don’t care how she’s related to your baby, she has no business being in charge of him.

Weekend hangouts would be CANCELLED. Goodbye. Tell her to talk to you when she wants to listen and follow how you parent your child.

If you have an issue with it, you should probably be watching your own kid anyway!? If you “need a break” from your kid, then idk what to say, I mean, you dont wanna watch your baby." Then you either start watching YOUR baby on the wknd, or let grandma deal with it.

Well it’s your baby and your his momma. If you don’t like how someone takes care of your child then keep them yourself it’s that simple in my opinion. I have twin 19 month olds and they have only ever stayed with a handful of people. I’m a little strange when it comes to my kids. All those people follow my rules. However, my pediatrician did tell me they can have 1 ounce of juice for every month of life and water isn’t bad in small amounts. It all helps with constipation. Although, I don’t parent to the cry it out method, not criticizing those who do either. I’m just a softy and I personally cannot stand the thought of it. Yes, I could get a lot more done and such, but I hold my babies and cuddle them till they fall sleep. :woman_shrugging:t2:

Just be happy she keeps him. My mom is too old and ill to ever watch my children. That’s my advice.

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Don’t like how she does things don’t let her take him. Problem dolved

No, its your baby! If you don’t like what she is doing, don’t let her take him anywhere!

You know you dont have to let your MIL take your kid right? You have every right to tell her if she cant follow your rules that she will no longer see your child.

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If you don’t like it, don’t send him there. It’s simple :woman_shrugging:

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She is being allowed to have way too much influence in your CHILD’S life. Your husband is a coward and afraid to confront his mother and I think you are letting him stop you.
This is your first test to protect your child…do not ignore it or problem will just get bigger.

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My mil was the same. She was cut of and I told my husband we needed to take a break with his parents and goto therapy so he could realize how unhealthy his relationship of just appeasing them all the time is. We haven’t seen them in 4 years. Once he realized how disrespectful and unhealthy the relationship was he was more comfortable without them. We are now trying to allow them back with lots of boundaries. His mother will never watch my son alone ever again.

Stop taking him over there . As a mother you have the right to say what is best for your child . She is totally disrespecting you as a mother . It’s a slap in the face . Personally , I agree 100% with your request you listed . If you dint stand up for your child … no one else will .

You’re child, your rules. She didn’t carry him, give birth to him & his future isn’t her responsibility. Since she can’t respect your parenting she doesn’t get him alone any more. It’s that simple. Don’t let her walk all over you.

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Absolutely not. It’s your child. Dont set this precedent now. Grateful mother in law was NOT like this, but that’s ABSURD. it’s your child, and nothing that you’ve listed above is “over bearing”. (even if it was, still your kids your rules)

That’s insane.

Find someone else if you can, even in the short term, so she knows yours serious

Water and JUICE at 8 months??!?!? That’s crazy! I wouldn’t be letting him go there if you talked to her about it and she continues that.

Wrong this is not to make you mad.It is making memories. A little crying is not hurting the baby
You married her son.So she is doing somthing right.
.

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Disrespectful stand your ground

Not allowing at least water at 8 months is absurd to me. There is zero harm in it but I guess to each their own. And you do realize you have a greater chance of dieing from the flu than you do covid 19. But if you feel she is doing harm to your child then the solution is very simple. Don’t send him over there. But she is not harming him in any way. She is getting him out of a prison and quenching his thirst.

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Maybe at this time he’s better not visiting grandma

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Letting a baby always cry themselves to sleep is a form of abuse and neglect…id definately tell her that you don’t want your baby crying himself to sleep.

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If you dont like what she does…why are you allowing the child to go there…just stop…simple

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Throw away the husband and mil

No i woyldbt allow her to watch the lol one till she can follow your rules to keep your baby safe. Stand alone if you have to but stand up for what you know to be right and keep your baby safe

This is your baby Dont be dictated by inlaw

Absolutely. Not. I’ve been in the same position with some of my own grandparents. It got to the point I wouldn’t let me kids go over there. Now with COVID I refuse to let my kids step inside a store. Thats something you can’t just ignore or not get upset about. Especially at that age of 8 months. You are their mom. She raised her own kid(s), that is not her baby. I would tall to your partner though before any changes or decisions are made. He needs to understand where you are coming from. Thats where you should start. After that, it’ll be tough. It doesn’t matter if they are a grandparent, if you’ve set rules and parenting that you want followed she should follow it.
If she can’t respect your rules then she doesn’t get the kid(s). I cant stand that :unamused: we didn’t have kids for someone else to raise them how they want. Its your turn.

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My MIL had my twins only once, she will never have them again because they were left to cry themselves to sleep at 6 months old and were distraught for days afterwards. She saw no harm in it even though I had explained our routine, she chose to ignore completely and then brushed off our concerns. We later found out that she had a history of smacking other grandchildren she had care of and generally made bad choices when looking after grandchildren over the past 10 years. Go with your gut instinct, it will be right xx

Hell no. I wouldn’t let her keep him anymore. YOU are mama! You set rules and they need to be followed! I had a firm but respectful conversation or two with my mother in law and now she asks before doing certain things and follows our rules. It’s bs that your husband doesn’t have your back. Mine has mine whether it be up against my mom or his. We are partners and these are OUR kids

I re-read the original post: she let the kid go to grandma every weekend. She don’t have a problem. Grandma let the child cry to sleep. Crying never hurt a child. Ma must hold the baby all the time and grandma not doing that. Grandma takes the child to the store. Why don’t daughter ask her what she needs and pick it up. Giving water don’t hurt. Nothing like a constipated baby. So a little water is good. She didn’t say if the grandma dilute the juice or not. She must be comfortable with the grandma watching the child because she keeps sending the Child to her. We don’t know if grandma is covering the child and how often does she takes the child out. So I don’t think we have the full picture and maybe ma is upset with the MIL and needed to vent instead of talking to her.

Grandma doesn’t get to be alone with baby anymore and if my husband had anything to say about it, we would be fighting. :woman_shrugging: if she can’t follow simple rules she doesn’t need to watch your baby. Period.

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you are not wrong and you are being nice compare to me my son never left the house with my mother in law until he was 5 I was never comfortable with her parenting style I tried to avoid confrontation and fighting with my husband but as his mother I stood up to her n established boundaries either she does it or no more taking him in my case she has always had a power struggle with me. If she doesn’t start excepting your boundaries then have her come over instead otherwise she will continue some in laws think that we are co parenting and no that child has a mother and that you

He is your son and you are the mama and you make the rules. I’d say to her that you are uncomfortable with her choices with your BABY. You won’t know how she’ll truly react until she is confronted. If she gets mad…oh…well your BABIES safety is priority #1. Your husband clearly doesn’t like confrontation and is avoiding it. I get it…but what is more important? The babies safety or an argument you don’t want to have?

I did all those things to my kid lol you r mil just is doing what she learned to do so what when you get him home raise him the way you guys raise him but grandma is just being a grandma and crying it out is not bad and juice and water is actually good for babies if it wasn’t then formula wouldn’t exist

If you are trusted to look after a baby or child.you should respect what parents say.should you think in any way it is going to harm .you disscuss it.mychildren would stay with me any way.

I would not let her take him anywhere. This is COVID-19 season and if he becomes seriously I’ll or die all you would get is a tearful sorry.

Wrong you dont let them cry to sleep. We don’t take our kids out big or small because of the virus. Im a grandmother. And i think of what is best for them

your kid, your rules, she follows the rules or he doesn’t go there, that simple

he’s 8mths old-he should be at home with his parents anyway

I would not allow that at all. Your child Your rules!

I’m guessing this is your 1st little one?? Congrats mommy!! It’s hard learning to adjust and what’s right and what’s not ok for your new little one. I completely support needing to do what makes the parent comfortable and follow thier rules. But I will say when you allow your child to be in someone else’s care that means they are going to care for your child they way they want. Unless you’re paying for a nanny or daycare then no question they need to follow your instructions. But anyone else is going to do things their way. Some people will respect your wishes others will tell you “oh yeah, ok” and do what they want. ESPECIALLY grandmas!!! The thing I’d be most upset about is her bringing the baby out while she’s running the streets. Infants don’t need to be around tons of random people normally, let alone when a pandemic is going on. But water & juice at 8 months isn’t horrible. Mine both had constipation issues the Dr. Actually told me to give them water at just a few weeks old. Juice is ok too, if you’re worried about the sugar just dilute the apple juice with water, 1 part juice to 3 parts water. As for the CIO, maybe ask her to get him if it’s been more than 15 minutes. I personally wish I would have let my 1st CIO more but my husband worked really early hours & long days. I couldn’t worry about him falling asleep behind the wheel b/c she was crying all night. She’s almost 12 and still doesn’t sleep good. My 2nd sleeps great b/c she was so bad he’d give up & go back to sleep on his own. He sleeps through ANYTHING. You really need to focus on what your absolute “no’s” are. My 1st has some good allergies & I really think its becasue the grandmas would give them foods they weren’t supposed to have before 1. But I didn’t know about it till an allergy was there. My point is that, things that can harm your little one, the “no” foods before 1 yr old list, not using a car seat, bringing an infant in mass crowds, are all things to be firm on. But if you want your child to spend the weekend with grandma then you have to know everything won’t be the way you like it. Or maybe only let grandma watch him for the day not the weekend. Then she can do her running on the day she doesn’t have him. Good luck momma it’s hard but it’s all about what works best for them. My oldest was drinking out of a sippy cup at 6 months & walking at 8 months and talking up a storm (like an old lady, cause my MIL watched her). My 2nd refused to walk till he was a year. He could he just wouldn’t b/c he was faster crawling to catch my older. He didn’t talk as much but he put sentances together before my 1st did and they’re only 12 months apart. Every kid has their own schedule, we just need to be sure they’re safe.

How about dont give your young child up “Every “ weekend and parent it yourself :woman_shrugging:

Cut her a little slack but stand you’re ground. Great job mom!

I’m about to say something very real and I know you probably won’t read this and even if you do you probably won’t change, I am speaking from a place of lived experience, you let your mother-in-law do these things because you want her to like you, you want her to see you in a very positive light, no matter what you’re going to do if you have to work this hard and put your baby in danger and yes I said it you are putting your baby in danger every time you allow him to go with that woman than you get what you deserve, you can’t put your foot down, you know she is not listening then what do you expect will happen when you do finally put your foot down, mother-in-law‘s are tricky, tricky relationships and there is never going to be anything you can do to make her like you if she doesn’t, you will always be the bad person and you will never be a good enough mother, so you might as well put your foot down and protect your son now, and I’m sorry letting your eight-month-old baby go for any amount of time during this pandemic especially since you know she’s taking your baby out everywhere she goes is ridiculous, you need to learn how to be a be a mother first and daughter-in-law second!!!

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She needs to respect your wishes for your son. Or, not keep him. If she can’t go without going out then she shouldn’t have him for a long period of time. If she can’t manage to put him to bed the way you desire, then she shouldn’t have him for a long period of time. Your child, your desires. Grandparents have to respect that.

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My kids are 3 and 1 now and to this day I still don’t like sending them for visits alone. I absolutely hate it. My issue is when asked to have the kids back at a certain time, that time is totally disregarded, she brings them back when she wants to…extends plans with others later and doesn’t even ask me first. To me, I feel so disrespected as a parent…they are MY kids, they came out of ME. You had your turn with your own but you do not get free reign with my kids. You need to tell me where they are going who they are seeing and if I want them back at a certain time you have them back when I say, no questions asked.

I totally agree with alot of mamas on here… Limit the visits at least during covid if she cant listen. And trust she will never listen. Its like they are deaf towards us. Juice is not so bad but it does rot teeth too early. Hooefully shes not adding it in the bottle. Give her sippies. And tell her that the doctor recomends 1 cup of juice daily or something maybe shell ease up.

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I’d stop the visits until the baby was old enough to tell you what’s going on… In the meantime she can hang with him at your housr

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You are not wrong. It’s your child and you will parent him the way that you and your husband have agreed to. I also think you need to let her know what the pediatrician says about letting a child that young have juice and water. Good Lord. And NO she should not be dragging your baby out in public in the middle of a pandemic. If she can’t abide by your boundaries, then she does not get to have him alone. Period. Your husband needs to stand with you. He needs to get that you and he and your child are his family and his mother needs to value that.

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The only issue is the water and juice and her taking him everywhere…if you’re going to micromanage a woman who raised the man you deemed fit to marry then maybe you shouldn’t allow overnights until your child is older.

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Keep your child home with you then you will have no worries

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Hey let me tell u a secret she’s a grandmother let her enjoy her grandchild whatever is meant to happen will happen of course all parents have rules but live a little woman if ur husband and child are happy y can’t u be

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