My MIL gives my baby cake and tea: How can I tell her to stop?

Pick your battles, especially with your mother in law…

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Black tea (just like green tea) is plucked from a plant called camellia sinensis. The leaves of black tea, are steeped such that it can give a dark colour when used as a
beverage
. Also, the leaves are mature dry and processed such that it has a dark colour. Black tea has extremely low caffeine content, which is great for circulation.

Fluoride is another content of black tea and thus allows oral and bone health. Black tea, contains flavonoids which are also found in apples. Unlike green tea, black tea, once processed eliminates all antioxidants existing in it. Black tea not only helps to fight bacteria but also strengthens the immune system. As one knows, drinking tea hydrates the body, thus a cup of black tea helps moisturise the skin. Black tea also balances the hormone levels, which fends off stress. Not only does black tea have anti-inflammatory qualities, it also keeps a check on the digestive tracts functioning. It can help reduce stroke risks as it balances the cholesterol level.

DYI: To reduce puffiness of the eye, just store black tea bags in the fridge and apply it to the eye area.

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Just be grateful she’s taking care of her grand baby while your ill, I honestly wouldn’t complain, take her to your mums house if it boils your blood how she takes care of your daughter.

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Black tea isn’t bad for you. Just ask her to not go over board on the sweets. It’s pretty easy to say no but a piece of cake while grandma is babysitting would be the least of my problems.

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Nope, nope and NOPE! Whether or not it’s harmful is besides the point. The point is that you have told her not to and she still does it. The whole “that’s what grandparents do” or “Be grateful” is B.S. Just because she helps out with her grandchild doesn’t give her the right to go against what the parents say.

That type of entitlement is one of the reasons my children don’t see one of their grandmother’s.

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Is it worth all the friction ? Is it really going to harm your child to have tea when with your MIL? Make your wish known and then let it go !!

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Your MIL did raise your husband. He turned out good, yes ? She isnt going to harm the kid.

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If she can’t respect YOU or your wishes/rules, then I suggest you simply tell her that since isn’t, you’re going have to find someone else who will watch your child… And do it!

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Give and take its not the worst thing that could happen.

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Learn to pick your battles. That same mil that gives your baby tea or whatever is still the same mil that takes care of your baby when your sick, when you need something I’m sure she’s there for you. My son used to complain when I gave his two little ones sweets once in awhile but then he said, you know what, I’m no longer complaining. I’m picking my battles. You are always there for us day or night. If we need anything, your there. I don’t give them sweets in excess but when they do come over they do get a treat. I’m grandma.

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Same problem. I have a one year old and for her birthday has a small amount of funfetti cake. It made her stomach upset so at my sons party a month later she gives her cake after I said I don’t want her having cake it’s too sweet for her. I was on fire inside😡. Plus she gives my baby any snack she sees lying around without even asking. Just speak up or tell her she can’t be alone with the baby anymore.

You stop letting her babysit. She raised your husband and im guessing he is perfectly fine, so whatever. If you don’t like that she does this find another sitter…

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Omg you have a grandmother taking care of your sweet child. Step back. Take a look at the bigger picture… her children survived and she raised a child that you married. Leave it go. My dad used to give my son coffee. He’s 16 years old now and still loves coffee. :woman_facepalming:t2:

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She should be eating food by now. Not tea but all other foods are good

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Next time your at the doctor make sure to take her WITH you and ask the question there.

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I’m sorry. I would get a different sitter and be firm that if your rules are not followed, baby can’t visit without you there.

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simply tell her to respect your wishes or she loses the PRIVILEGE to see your child!!! easy as that! you’re making it too hard.

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Compromise.
When my mom went back to school she would take the kids to McDonald’s so she could do homework and they’d play. I didn’t like them eating that much crap so the deal, she could take them once a week but any other day, eat at home first then go and they could get a drink and a cookie.
Sometimes a compromise is best and remember, she’s doing just as she did for your husband… He’s obviously not damaged. Lol
Leave something else for her to use or at a minimum discuss the amount she gives and ensure she’s brushing teeth when done. 🤷

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Admins dont enforce rules enough here. Some of the people on this page need to go back and read the rules of the page you asked to be a part of. This rude, bullying, high school crap is making this page completely miserable. I really like most of this group but please comment if the crappy comments are also becoming intolerable to you as well. I can’t be the only one who feels this way.

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It’s a kid. Stop being so over baring. God, helicopter parent much.

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Have another kid :rofl::rofl: u sound uptight like a mother with 1 kid. Adding more u get more relaxed and realize u dont need to hover so damn much. She raised other babies and u ask her to watch the kid it’s not like as if shes eating cake breakfast lunch dinner

Either let her do it knowing she doesn’t respect your wishes or pay for a babysitter

Then tell her if she can’t follow your rules then she doesn’t need to EVER be alone with your child🤷‍♀️

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Stop feeding my child things I’ve asked you not to. If you can’t honor my wishes then you cannot have unsupervised time with my child.

And make sure you have back up care because it sounds like you’re getting free baby sitting at a cost that isn’t worth it. Jmtc

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You are so lucky to have a good MIL.!!!

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Pick and choose your battles.

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No harm in it…I gave all my kids black tea and bread
Take it In a positive manner

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If she can’t respect your boundaries, she doesn’t babysit or get alone time with YOUR baby.

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Get over it. Shes watching your baby. As long as shes not consuming grear quantities EVERYDAY she is fine. Her kid survived yours will too.
If you dont want her to do that pay a sitter.
Pick your battles, dont sweat the smalls things. Let it go.

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Tell her she cant have the kid if shes going to carry on. Simple. Thats your kid, speak up

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You tell her youre the parent and she needs to respect it. Lay down the law!! It would only happen one time. Second time, you’re getting mama bear full force. I don’t tolerate shit.

No young child needs caffeine and it’s extremely damaging to their teeth because of the tannins it contains. There are other ways for the grandparents to form bonds with children and they should respect the parents wishes no matter how many children they’ve raised or “I did that and my kids were fine”. Some children will be ok but it’s extremely disrespectful to ignore the parents instructions.
My mum and sister only looked after my son a few times and they ignored my wishes and went against his routine and gave him food he couldn’t have every single time so I stopped them from looking after him.

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I used to be given tea in a bottle :grin:

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End of the day that’s your baby.

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i am from this generation,i would just tell lol to the mom,if you have issues with the grandma dont let her watch your baby simple,and what i believe is our generation got issue out of everything,in reality people get more sick and more crappy

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One day you will wake up & feel grateful that you had such a good role model for your child… but that day probably won’t happen until she’s gone!
Did her own children die ?
My parents brought up 9 kids … I trusted with mine
Enjoy your rest time

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think you should always follow mum and dads rules really dont want any upset tummys do we xx

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Some of these comments are driving me, it’s not that fact that most people think it’s harmless or that it was okay back in someone’s day it’s the fact it’s HER kid and she does NOT want HER kid to have that stuff I’ve been there plenty of times, don’t let her watch your kid if you don’t like it and she will get the hint

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My mil gave my son sweets when he was 1 yo… He will 12 on January, and he’s fine… :grin::grin::grin:

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She’s gramma and the amount of time she spends with your little one giving her special treats vs the time you give her all you believe in will not affect her health. I’d be more worried if she was getting unnatural caffeine and sugars like pop and other processed food. Black tea is very natural.

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I gave my 4 mth old a suck on a hot chip and gravy in front of my daughter ( her mother ) my granddaughter is now 8 , a ball of energy, tall slim and intelligent.
My grandchildren unless they had a known medical anaphylaxis to a food have tasted all foods. And as toddlers tried pickled onions, gerkins prawns , all fruits , dips , tea , coffee, cake , chocolate. Icecream, yoghurt, meats etc.
They are intelligent, articulate, tall and slim .
All were feed with home cooked vegetables pureed when bubs, no crap.
Had cups of tea with milk and sugar. Bickies dunked in tea, tasted coffee.
If I was that MIL and you were nasty to me in my awareness and care for my grandchildren I say …
Get stuffed …pay a sitter

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Pack the little one a lunch of your choice each time she goes there ,simples

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Grow a back bone n fricken tell her if you don’t like something. Ffs 🤦

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Your little one will survive unless its vodka tea and heroin cake, Your little one will remember nanas tea and cake when she/he is older , don’t stop your MIL doing typical nan stuff, just monitor the treats the rest of the week and use nans cake and tea as treat time also I need her address incase there is any free tea and cake going :joy:

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You should be honest with her. There’s alot of things Grandma’s did with their kids that we wouldn’t do with our kids. Back in the day babies didn’t have to be in a car seat, parents were allowed to smoke with kids in their cars. Would you allow it now? Heck no. Just cause their kids turned out fine, doesn’t mean shit. Your baby is your baby not hers. Whether she’s babysitting or not she should be respectful.

Ummm don’t let her watch your child :woman_facepalming: and where is your husband for all this? He should be telling his mom to stop.

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I understand that it’s your baby and there is just some things you don’t agree with, but basically a gran mother is the other mother that give you all the grand things that Ur mother won’t allow . If it makes any sense lol. Let her be a granma and have fun you monitor at home and the baby isnt bouncing off the walls so see it as their special thing don’t be so hard.

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Say this! “Don’t feed her that!” That’s what I did. It didn’t help lol so then go and take the baby away and say it again! Who cares about hurting their feelings, they’re adults.

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Long as it’s not a threat to their health or wellbeing parents need to be a little less “omg it’s my baby so you do what I want” cuz you know what you sound like ? A spoiled child with a toy that’s not good at sharing or gets mad when someone plays differently with it. Children dont belong to you they are little humans who have hearts, minds and lives of their own and should get to experience things as such.

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You could tell her but chances are she will do what she wants when you aren’t there. I feel ya tho.

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Im a grandmother… And absolutely no caffeine. This urks me so much children drinking caffeinated drinks… Very little sweets especially to a child so young… I love spoiling my grandkids…but in a healthy way… Maybe something sweet but just enough to make them smile…I do not want to care for children wired and bouncing off the wall… Just find a new sitter … Problem solved…

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It’s your child. If she can’t respect your wishes, she shouldn’t be around your child. Find a different sitter.

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Then she shouldn’t be left with her unless she will honor your wishes

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I’m an older mom and have never believed in giving young children drinks like tea and soda with all the caffeine and sugar so I get it. Be down and remind her who’s baby it is and that she needs to honor what you say or start losing time with baby. My current MIL doesn’t understand allot of my rules and I just remind her that his father and I want it done a certain way and that’s it.

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Compromise. Tell her you don’t mind kiddo having decaffeinated tea, I had to do that with my own mother, she kept giving it to my son. :roll_eyes: so I compromised

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Your child your decision. Ill or not stand your ground

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I understand your plight love. Black tea while it is natural it is a stimulant and causes the heart to race especially in littles! So tell her what you feel. Because if your baby falls ill it’s on you not her. Forget the oh she’s grandma fools. Because you birthed that baby and know what’s best okay?

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Either tell her, or dont let her watch the child

Make your rules clear to her. And if she can not respect them. Don’t allow the one on one time with her anymore. That simple.

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Tell her she raised her children. She don’t have to raise her grandchild. And it’s your job that she raised the way you want her to be. If you need advice you ask her.

Your child your rules. I understand where she is coming from but today age most food is no longer pure.

Shes grandma. U dont. Stop fighting now, it wont get any easier. Just let it happen. If that’s worst of it be happy. My ex MIL is a pedophile.

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I think she’s being disrespectful to you. I would never give my granddaughter something that my son & his wife didn’t want her to have. She’s their child so it’s their rules. Yes I probably let her off eating all her dinner & she might stay up later but if her parents are dead set against something then I wouldn’t give it to her & that’s how it should be. You should get the backing of your husband & both sit her down & tell her straight.

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I straight up told my grandma to stop as it’s not her child and there are certain things at certain times my kid can have. As she gave my son a cookie for breakfast and candy at 6pm at night like no

It’s your baby . Just fucking tell her to stop.

If she can’t follow the rules, she doesn’t need to see the baby. If she doesn’t have your trust, she doesn’t need to see the baby. She will learn real quick. Anyone who can disrespect the parent, has no business being around the child.

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As a grandma myself, I believe it’s part of my responsibility to support my son and Dil in their decisions regarding sugar and soda. If I continue to do things they don’t approve of, I risk teaching my granddaughters that they don’t have to listen, or they can lie by not telling about things. Yes, as grandparents we want to spoil the grandkids, however, it’s not responsible to blithely go against your decisions. We had our time, now it’s your time as parents to do what you feel is best for YOUR children.

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The fact of the matter is, you are the child’s mother and when you have given a definitive NO on something, I don’t care who you are, you need to respect that. Just because you are grandma doesnt give u the right to do whatever the hell you want. It would be one thing if we were talking about something harmless, but we are talking about unhealthy things going into your child’s body. You need to have a conversation with her and just be very honest and say that you would appreciate it if she would respect your wishes, as you are the mother and you make the decisions. The problem is is that if she continues to do this or things like this, she could be teaching your child to lie, to hide things from you, to manipulate, to not respect you, to think she doesnt have to listen to you, etc. If she refuses to respect your wishes, then she wont be watching your child, period.

Maybe approach her with a team work /compromise philosophy instead of making it a power struggle. You’ll be in this all together for a long time. Once in the discussion set some boundries, recognize she has some experience and hear her out but you and the hubs need to be on the same page from the start. United front always with others & with any kiddos or someone will attempt to manipulate your decisions.

I politely asked my mil to stop feeding my 5 year old with a spoon or we were leaving. After leaving I sent her a text explaining I know she does everything out of love but she’s teaching my son to disrespect me. The outcome -my mil came to our home and refused to speak to me or my son for almost a year!

I always had a rule, that when my kids are in the care of someone else, which is helping me out, it’s their house their rules. I always wanted to appreciate their help and didn’t want to be overbearing and maybe set some light guidelines, however, feel that if I’m entrusting them with my child I have to trust them to make choices. I had tea in a bottle and I’m ok lol